The Josh Innes Show - Omar The Tiger

Episode Date: November 8, 2024

Well, this is my favorite story of the day. Jeff Landry, the Governor of Louisiana, has real important issues to deal with. Louisiana is a bottom feeder in education and economy and roads...among other things. Governor Landry isn't overly concerned about those things. He's super concerned with the idea that LSU hasn't had a live tiger mascot on the field for over a decade. So what has ol' Jeff decided to do? He's gone to Florida and has brought in a knock off Mike The Tiger. This Tiger, named Omar, will be in Tiger Stadium on Saturday Night when LSU takes on Bama. WTF are we doing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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One of my favorite stories of the day, really from yesterday, but it carries over into the weekend, involves LSU. And as you know, I went to LSU for two years until I dropped out, kicked out, however you want to put it. And I've lived the largest portion of my life in Louisiana. I'm a Louisiana guy. I'm a Tiger fan. You know this. So you also know that LSU has a live Tiger on campus. His name is Mike.

And he lives in a gigantic multi-million dollar habitat that sits in between the football stadium, which is Tiger Stadium, Death Valley. And it's kind of like, if you've never been there, his habitat is gigantic, and it's kind of situated in this area that's kind of in the middle of the track stadium, the Bernie Moore track stadium, the Pete Maravich Assembly Center, where the basketball and volleyball and women's basketball and gymnastics and all that shit is, and then the football stadium.

And Mike has lived in that habitat. They're on, I think, Mike 8 now. And these are basically domesticated jungle cats that even if you let them out in the wild, it's probably, well, you can't let them out in the wild because if you do, they will just die in the wild because they have been domesticated. They are cats that live in a cage, and it's a decent cage. Now, I feel bad for any caged animal because I think that every wild animal should know what it's like to be a wild

animal. That's why I hate zoos. That's an interesting thing about me. Like you listen to me and you're like, Josh, you're like this. You're all right, Josh. How why would you care about how the animals in a zoo feel? Well, because I care more about animals than I care about people because people suck. So when I see a zoo like Jilly loves going to the zoo and like there's the giraffes and the hippos and all this shit. And I'm like, why? Like, I don't want to see a hippo in captivity. I don't want to see a giraffe. This poor bastard wants to be out in the jungle, you know, on a real tree trying to go out and get whatever giraffe seed. I don't know what the fuck giraffe seed. I'm going to guess they're vegetarians,

but I have no idea what a giraffe eats, but I'd be like, go eat that out in the wild instead of being at the fucking St. Louis zoo. Can you imagine being like a tiger or, or some sort of like jungle cat and you're stuck in the St. Louis zoo. And like,

you start hearing stories like you're getting dispatch from your family that's out like in Ghana or something. And they're out there and like, yeah, man, like we're just chilling, dog. I mean, we're out here. We're out in the jungle. I killed a gazelle. Shit was lit. And you're like, I'm just at a zoo and they're feeding me berries and shit. And like, I'm just stuck in this cage. And like some kid like threw something at me today like why would you want to be in captivity now there is an argument to be made that maybe that the animals in captivity enjoy it more because they're not in danger but then you also don't get to live the exciting life of having that danger you're living like a like a suburban housewife there's no danger

in your life you want to live a little bit that's why these suburban housewives. There's no danger in your life. You want to live a little bit. That's why these suburban housewives get all horny and watch Fifty Shades of Grey because nothing interesting happens in their life and their domesticated, boring life is no good for them. So they have to go out and find mischief. What kind of mischief can a jungle cat in captivity go find? I hate zoos. I am 100% anti-zoo. Like, but where else could you go see a giraffe? I don't know. National Geographic. I don't need to see a fucking giraffe in person. Let the giraffe go be a giraffe. Now, again, on the other hand, if you've already brought it into a world of domestication and like they're friends with dudes that feed them and humans and shit, you can't let them out

in the wild because they'll be fucked. So I get that, but I'm really weird on animals being held in captivity. I'm just, I'm weird about it. That said, we have a live tiger at LSU and his name is Mike and he lives in this, I think it's a three or $4 million habitat. I mean, he seemingly lives a pretty good life. You know, he's got like nice balls and shit to play with in the cage and there's water and, uh, and all that shit. so he seems to be happy well he's also i believe eight years old well lsu used to have a tradition of putting mike the tiger first of all old school mike the tiger lived in a cage that was nowhere near like this fucking cage this habitat like i could live in this habitat and be happy his old habitat was much smaller but mike who lives in this glorious habitat

lsu used to have a tradition of bringing mike the tiger into tiger stadium in a cage so they put him in a little cage with wheels on it they'd attach that that cage to a truck and somebody would drive the tiger into the stadium in the cage and then they would put the cheerleaders and shit on top of this cage that the tiger was in and they would drive the tiger in a circle around the stadium in pre-game and then they would stop the cage next to the visitor entrance so when visitors would come into the stadium, into the field, there'd be a tiger staring at them,

and they'd go, oh shit, there's a real tiger here, I'm scared as fuck. And in my experience, I would imagine that seeing a tiger in front of you is pretty fucking scary. Because I used to like have to, we used to drop dudes off from basketball practice,

and these motherfuckers were afraid of like shih tzus and shit. So I can only imagine what it's like when you get a bunch of dudes surrounded by a tiger how scary it is whatever so uh and there have been stories about it forever like we interviewed a guy named bob toledo once me and my friend matt did when we were doing when i was doing radio with him in baton rouge back in 2008 2009 and at the time i believe bob toledo was the head coach of tulane and he was telling a story about how once when he was a coach somewhere else at ucla because he used to be the head coach at UCLA or something like that, they came into Tiger Stadium. He was an assistant coach somewhere. They came into Tiger Stadium and

they were like, holy shit, this Tiger let out a roar and it was scary, blah, blah, blah. So there's the backstory. The backstory is for years and years and years, LSU would bring their live Tiger mascot into Tiger Stadium in front of 80, 90,000 people he'd be paraded around in a circle then they'd stop him during the game and he would be sitting there by the visitor entrance okay now you know the story for about the last decade or so they've stopped doing that I believe once the previous tiger died it might have been when they stopped doing it. Like it's kind of a neat thing. And you see live mascots like Ralphie in Colorado and he runs, he runs and it's over. And then there's sometimes there's horses, you got dogs and shit like Ugga or the dog at Mississippi state or

that Lassie looking little shit at Texas A&M. What's his name? Reveley. So you'll get these a lot where there's live mascots and there's, well, there's Bevo. I mean, there's live mascots in places. Okay, cool. But LSU stopped bringing the Tiger into the stadium, which I'm fine with. And nobody really complained about it. Like, unless you're super old school, you didn't sit around and bitch about the fact that the Tiger isn't in the stadium anymore. Well, there's one person in the state of Louisiana who is extremely upset about the idea that there's no longer a live Tiger being paraded around Tiger Stadium on Saturday nights.

And this gentleman's name is Jeff Landry. He is the governor, the Republican governor of Louisiana. And earlier this year, when he wasn't bitching about the fact that the LSU football team isn't on the field for the national anthem, you know, important shit, he decided that he was going to make a strong play to get a live tiger back into tiger stadium he suggested bringing the live tiger mascot into tiger stadium during games as it was done during his days as a student lsu stopped the practice nearly a decade ago after receiving a u.s department of agriculture license to hold its mascot mike seven on campus bringing mike seven into the stadium was never seriously considered because it potentially could have imperiled LSU status with the USDA, whatever. Okay, fine. That's out of my jurisdiction. I have

no idea what any of that really means. It sounds like they didn't want to risk some sort of fine or some sort of issue with that. Fine. Again, I have been around LSU since I was 10 years old. I moved there in 1996. I started going to games there in the early 2000s. So I've been around. I've seen the live tiger in there before. It doesn't mean much to me. I don't miss the fact that the live tiger is paraded around the stadium. I feel bad for the fucking cat.

At least Ralphie goes on the field with Colorado and he gets to fucking run. So a bunch of cowboys are trying to hold this, this, you know, Buffalo back and he gets to run and he gets to be free for a second. And like Ugga's a dog, dogs live in houses, dogs are domesticated anyway, you know, or like that bird that flies at the Auburn games, the war Eagle or whatever, that guy, you know, he flies, lands on the gal's arm and it's really kind of fucking neat to watch. And then we go, I don't like when you take a tiger, put him in a tiny little cage and then leave him in a football stadium. That's loud and obnoxious. Imagine being this poor tiger sitting there listening to these dumb asses yell, suck that tiger dick, bitch. Like I don't like it.

So anyway, back to Jeff Landry, the Republican governor of Louisiana. With all the issues that the state of Louisiana faces being nearly dead last in full of bad education, bad roads, bad infrastructure. But for whatever reason, the Republican governor of Louisiana is really hell-bent on being angry that LSU doesn't come out for the national anthem, which they've not done in forever anyway. And now he was really upset about the idea about not having a live Tiger in the stadium. So what was his solution as we said you cannot bring mike the tiger the official lsu mascot into the stadium they've got to deal with the usda whatever um you can't so what does that mean next well governor jeff landry was not deterred by this. He said, fine. If we can't bring in Mike the Tiger, we're just going to find any fucking tiger to bring in,

and this tiger's going to be in the stadium. So apparently, they worked a deal with some sort of animal refuge, and now there's going to be a live tiger in Tiger stadium for the lsu alabama game on saturday night it is a tiger that they are bringing in from florida and the tiger's name is omar and he resides in maitland florida and he's coming to tiger stadium And he's going to be in the cage on game day. Now, this Tiger, Omar, let's see, is owned. I'm trying to see who owns this guy, who owns this Tiger. But apparently, LSU is going to be bringing in this Tiger on Saturday.

And it fascinates me because it's not like people were clamoring for this that's one thing that Republican politicians and all politicians do it but this is one that falls into the Republican politician category because these are the kind of things that they focus on that maybe some of their hillbilly friends give a fuck about but I don't know any human in Baton Rouge who's like, you know what? I miss having a live tiger in the stadium so much that I'm willing to import a tiger from Florida and just pretend that he's Mike the Tiger. He's not even Mike the Tiger. He's some interloper tiger. He's not even our guy.

There's some, like, you feel like some sort of commitment to your tiger. Like Mike the Tiger, like I used to go see mike the tiger when i was at school all the time you go by you'd say hi mike you'd have a conversation with because you're a fucking lunatic you'd have a conversation with this tiger hey how's your day going mike we were sad when mike six died when mike six died i was on the radio in baton rouge it was the saddest shit ever it sucks this isn't even our tiger. All right. If you're ready to win some real cash during the basketball playoffs, you got to check out pick six from draft Kings.

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what if they would have just tried to sneak this tiger in and pretend that it was Mike and not tell anybody? And it would have been like meet the parents where they spray paint the cat's tail. Mr. Jinx, like, wait, did you spray paint the cat's tail, fucker? Like that would have been something. What if Coach O just rides this tiger around the stadium? See, that would be a thing.

That would be a good game day. So game day is at LSU this week. Imagine if you got Pat McAfee doing his wild shit, then all of a sudden Coach O comes out on Omar the Tiger, riding him like he's fucking Seattle Slough. That'd be fun. But imagine you're a politician politician and the things that are concerning you in life are, Hey man, back when I was in school, we had a live tiger in the stadium

and I want to do that again. The rest of the States, like we don't really give a shit. Like we're fine. The fact that tiger's not in the stadium, isn't bothering anybody. We'll go on. Let's find something else to bitch about. Nope, I will not rest. I will not rest until we have a live Tiger in this stadium. They were so desperate to have this live Tiger, they had to go to Florida and have one transported in. That's like a jank-ass Tiger.

That Tiger's cursed, probably. What you've done is you've brought bad juju into our stadium by bringing in some Florida fucking tiger to come into our stadium. He's not even Mike. This poor bastard has no idea what he did. This tiger, he's like, wait a second, I have to leave. Where are we going? Are we going on a road trip?

Yeah, Omar, we're going on a trip to Baton Rouge. He's like, but they already have a fucking tiger. I know about this. In tiger circles, I know that they already have a tiger why do they need me well that tiger's eight years old and they're afraid that he can't handle the loud noise in the stadium of like 102,000 people drunk being nuts singing Colin Baton Rouge suck that tiger dick bitch all this shit he's like wait a minute but if he can't handle it why the fuck can I handle it and they're like well since you're only one and a half or so,

we feel like you can handle 104,000 drunk Neanderthals, whereas the eight-year-old tiger can't. We don't think he can handle it. He's like, okay, I guess I'm in. I mean, I'll do it. I'll take one for the team, but just know I'm not comfortable with this. Or maybe he is comfortable with it. Maybe Omar's's like fuck right

this is my moment maybe he's going into this thinking like some machiavellian shit like some house of cards type shit like he's gonna go in there and he's gonna be new mike he's like watch this once i go in and put on a show for these sons of bitches i give them the old razzle dazzle give them a couple of uh roars and shit when i come out and like the the bama team runs by me i go rawr and they're I'm gonna put on such a good fucking show in fact that what's gonna happen is they're gonna ask me to be new Mike whenever that Mike croaks they're gonna go this is new Mike I'm no longer gonna be Omar who the fuck is Omar I only answer to Mike and then he like gets into character on it

what if he's a method actor what if omar is similar to jim carey when he played andy kaufman in man on the moon like like if you ever watched the documentary about jim carey as andy kaufman he stayed in character the whole time and he thought his body had been possessed by andy kaufman and everybody on the set's like jim stop being a fucking asshole you're jim carey he's like oh no thank you very much and all this shit what if Omar like starts embodying Mike the Tiger and he only answers to his handlers as Mike the Tiger and they're like Omar let's get in the cage he's like I don't know any fucking Omar where's Omar like guys you guys see an Omar here all I see is Mike I'm Mike now I'm the dad now and he comes in and he tries to like take he's like buddy love and uh and uh sherman clump he's

like taking over maybe that's what's happening here maybe that's going to be his plan he had good intentions but this is way of getting out of fucking maitland florida and being the star attraction at lsu getting to live in a nice glorious habitat that's three million dollars on the campus of lsu maybe this is his time maybe it's a setup by the governor of Louisiana to try to like oust maybe it's a coup maybe like Mike the current Mike Seven is like Biden and this guy is like Kamala and they're trying to paint uh this guy this Mike is like too weak and feeble to handle the crowd at LSU we need somebody new to come in there to handle the crowd at LSU and that is Omar and Omar is Mike is omar maybe that's it i

don't know i hope the tiger gets out of the fucking cage and eats a bunch of people see that like we need something like that we need something like that to make the governor look like like a total dipshit like the end of um what was that movie? Semipro with Will Ferrell, spoiler alert. But there's a scene in the movie where they bring in a bear to wrestle Jackie Moon for the sake of getting people into the stadium, which I do believe actually happened in the ABA. I think somebody legitimately wrestled a bear or something like that in one of these arenas to try to get a crowd. But then the bear gets loose, like, holy shit, there's a bear. I hope this tiger gets out of the cage and I hope this tiger mauls a bunch of people.

Notably, I hope he mauls the governor. I think that'd be fun. What a story that would be like LSU beats Alabama, right? Everybody storms the field. Also, what are the logistics of storming the field with a tiger just in a fucking cage? Like I would imagine they'd have to remove him

from the playing surface before the game is over. Because if LSU wins, they're going to storm the field because every fucking school in America storms the field when they beat anybody of any reputation. Like that's what we are in 2024. Everybody storms the damn field. Like, oh, LSU beats Ole Miss. You're Ole Miss's dad-dad.

You always have been, yet you're storming the field when you beat them. Now they're going to beat Alabama. If they do beat Alabama, they're going to storm the field in that. How does one storm the field with a tiger in a cage on the field? What's going to stop these people from rocking this cage? What's going to stop these people from letting them out? Some drunk-ass jabroni from Louisiana is going to run out on the field and be like, hey, man, let's go. And he's going to let him out. And that tiger is going to go, watch this. Holy Siegfried and Roy, Batman, watch this shit. And he's going to eat somebody's face. And I'm here for it. I think sometimes you got to learn

a lesson. Sometimes you got to learn a lesson about your mistakes and your decisions and how your decisions impact everybody else, Jeff Landry. So while you're sitting here trying to pander to your old right-wing white crony buddies who are like, yeah, that'd be great if we take this tiger and put him in the stadium, even though he's not even Mike the fucking tiger. You go do that, you got to learn a lesson. And the lesson is that tiger's going to get out of that fucking cage and he's going to eat some people. Like some drunk dude, like some drunk frat boys out of the field suck that tiger dick bitch

go tigers whoo and then this tiger goes watch this shit and he eats him he's got a blood lust i wouldn't fuck with tigers man if sigfried and roy couldn't tame their tigers forever then who can although did did uh the tiger king ever actually get mauled by a tiger? I think one of his people lost a fucking arm. So, what if they got this tiger from, like, what if this is one of Carol Baskin's tigers? Here, kitty, kitty. That'd be pretty fucking sweet. Of course, Carol Baskkin killed her husband and fed

him to the tigers everybody knows that these are just facts only did i talk holy shit i just realized this i once i think i did an interview with carol baskin once when i was on in nashville i think i interviewed carol baskin i think like i don't think i'd make that up. That doesn't seem like... Every now and then, I'll be watching something and I'll realize I've interviewed this person and had totally forgotten about it. So I was watching this hype build up for this Jake Paul and Mike Tyson fight, which is going to be for some ungodly reason in the Cowboy Stadium. And apparently, it's selling no tickets because nobody wants to watch a 60- old dude box a youtube dude whatever but i'm watching mike tyson and i go holy shit i interviewed him once it was a throwaway interview it was when i was doing nights in philly and he

was like at a casino playing slot machines and i think i pissed him off and he hung up but i also think i you know what i did interview car Baskin cause I think I had her do a liner and it was like, Hey, all you cool cats and kittens. It's Carol Baskin. I think that happened when I was in Nashville. It had to have been cause it wouldn't have because that wasn't a thing until

I went Tiger King became a thing during the Rona and I was in Houston. And then in 2021 is it was a 2021? Yeah. 2021 we went to Nashville. So it would have had to have been then that I talked with Carole Baskin. What if this is one of Joe Exotic's tigers? By the way, Joe Exotic, engaged in jail, I believe. Love conquers all. He's not dead. So there's that. Yeah, I really hope this tiger eats some some people i don't know if that makes me a bad guy i root for animals i tell you the story i say i give you this anecdote all the time right

so you hear about this shit like when people get eaten by bears when they go camping i always root for the bear you know why because your ass doesn't need to be out camping like who the fuck needs to camp you have a house you have cars why do you need to go out into the mountains and camp oh well it's beautiful well be that as it may you know who actually lives there the fucking bears you're in their dojo pal like oh my god did you see that the bears attacked them yeah they should you're at their house. What do you think is going to happen? Like, if you, like, go take a nap in someone's house in Texas and see what happens. Walk in and say, oh, I just felt like taking a nap in your house.

You know what happens? Pow, you get plugged. Well, he goes, you know, rest your head in the woods. Well, guess what? A bear is going to come up there and he's going to maul you. And I'm rooting for him. When I was on the radio in Nashville, there'd be stories about people getting attacked by bears. And I'm like, good. Don't go camp.

Who the fuck wants to camp? Like, I understand if, like, you were on the Oregon Trail and, like, you're trying to avoid dysentery and there's not a goddamn Motel 6 somewhere to stay at. Of course you're going to pop a tent and you're going to sleep in the wilderness and hope for the best. It's 2024. There's no need to get into a fucking tent and sleep out in the wilderness. Now, if you're glamping, I guess that's one thing. Like you got yourself a nice camper, you know, got yourself clean bathroom, maybe a shower, some nice beds, a television.

Glamping is one thing. But if you're just like, well, we got a tent and we're going to set up this tent and we're just going to be with nature. Well, the bear is nature and the bear will fuck you good. And I will root for that bear. I will always support nature in this situation. Now, if the bear comes down to like, like you see videos of like in like Dollywood where the pigeon forge and places like that in Tennessee, where you'll just see a bear walking down the street. And I'm like, okay, I'm not rooting necessarily for that bear. He's probably just lost.

But once you go to the bear's dojo, it's on. Like I'm not about just shooting people randomly. But if someone decides to come into your house, you plug them and you should be allowed to plug them because it's your house. You ever see the video of the bear that got tranked in the tree and then fell on the trampoline? Funniest video in history. Like that's back when viral videos and YouTube videos, when you have to go to E-bombs world to see the good shit and you'd see the berries up in the tree. They get the trank dart out. They set up a trampoline under the tree and the bear falls out of the tree, lands on the trampoline, goes like 15, 20 feet in the air and just lands on his face and has passed the fuck out. That's comedy. But things that aren't comedy are like when the

kangaroo was banging on the glass door with his giant fucking claws and shit. He's ready to rip someone's face off. Like that's scary shit. You want to have nightmares? Go watch just kangaroos trying to kick in doors and shit. Kangaroos are demons. They will fuck you good. Like a bear you could almost look at and think that he's got good intentions because we have this idea in our mind that bears are nice. Because, you know, Winnie the Pooh and that one singing son of a bitch

from the Jungle Book. Like you see those guys and you're like, oh, bears are nice. We're looking for the bear. Yogi. You're like, oh, Yogi. Like, see, Yogi is the worst thing that ever happened to campers. Because what happens is you go camping and you think, well, what's the worst thing that can happen? Someone's going to steal our picnic basket.

No, if he were a legit bear, he would go out and eat the food. He's like, oh, look, a picnic basket and a human, and he would eat you. But because we see yogi and shit, we're like, no, everything's fine. There's nothing to worry about here. That bear ain't going to eat us. He just wants our ham sandwich. No, he wants to eat you. He's a bear.

And then what's worse is then they got to shoot the bear. They're like, oh oh that bear just can't be trusted you know he ate somebody he ate them because they were in his house it's like throwing a guy in jail because he shot someone that was in his house it doesn't work that way like that sucks for the bear like we had to put him down he's a he's a risk he's a risk only because you dipshits decided that it's 1800 and you needed to go out and camp. Stay in your house. I'm pro bear. I am 100% pro bear. And honestly, I was pro Siegfried and Roy's tiger too. Eventually those motherfuckers are like, I'm tired of performing

at the Mirage every night. I just want to be a tiger. And then one of them, Siegfried or Roy, whichever one it was, got his throat eaten out. That sounded weird, but he got his throat like roared out by a tiger. Like, how long do you think you can keep fucking around with tigers

before the tiger finally realizes, like, oh, by the way, I'm a tiger? Like, do you think there are other tigers that are like, you know, bro? Or like, do you think like tigers run off to tiger internet and they're like, they start seeing videos on the internet of like other tigers catching like creatures out in the wilderness?

And they're like, well, wait a second. I can do that. I'm capable of doing this. And then eventually they just snap. It's like that song. Is there life out there by Reba McEntire? Boy, I've gone way off the reservation with that one. But in the song, she's like a woman

that's just in a shitty relationship. And she's like, is there life out there? There's so much I haven't done. Is there life beyond my family and my home? She's done what she should. Should she do what she dares? She doesn't want to leave. She's just wondering, is there life out there?

That's what those fucking captive tigers are thinking. They're like, I'm thinking they're like i'm fine living here i'm fine working for sigfried and roy i'm fine being omar the tiger and maitland i'm fine being mike the tiger and bat rouge but i want to do real tiger shit like that fucking nemo fish that's like i want to go see what's up there or that little mermaid with the fin and shit she's like i want to be where the people are maybe that's what the tigers want bro maybe that's what they want but alas we got governor jeff landry down in louisiana and he's like nope well nope we're gonna go find this we're so desperate to have a tiger in this fucking

stadium that we're gonna go get some jank florida tiger that's gonna bring bad juju and we're gonna lose so what's gonna happen is they're either gonna go get some jank Florida Tiger that's going to bring bad juju and we're going to lose. So what's going to happen is they're either going to win with Omar the Tiger and he's going to have to be at every game or they're going to lose and they're probably going to let one of these rich Republican guys go hunt this tiger for sport. What are we doing? What is wrong with the world? I hate zoos. We've discussed that.

I don't like to see animals in captivity. Let them be free let them be animals and i'm not some pedo weirdo either so i'm look i don't like pita they're weirdos but i'm on their side as it relates to the tiger you're so desperate to have a damn tiger i've had enough i've had enough of all of it it's all bogus anyway all right swear we're going to do some prop to you drop here in a little bit. We will. Whenever Jilly's done working, we'll do that. All right.