The Josh Innes Show - Pirates Fan Falls: Update

Episode Date: May 2, 2025

If you believe Reddit, our Pirates Fan Friend was super hammered prior to falling 21 feet. Apparently, he was tanked, shirtless and pouring beer all over himself. Speaking of Reddit, some have suggested different rules for drinking beer at sporting events. Here's an idea, how about we stop letting the morons ruin things for the rest of us? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following was recorded from inside an ice plunge Okay, all right When a core's life is cold enough the mountains on the can turn blue So the next time you want to cold loggered cold filtered cold package Core's light just wait until those glorious mountains on the can turn blue whoo it's easy to say that fast when you're freezing gold it has been requested by multiple people who listen to the podcast that I try to drink Celsius every day when doing this thing because somehow it makes it sound

exponentially better so I have another Celsius. This one is a sparkling cherry cola Celsius. This sounds like it's going to give me heartburn, but what the fuck? Last night while watching the basketball games we had a couple neutral, is that what they're called? Neutral sparkling alcoholic beverages. I never had those before. They weren't bad. They all... The problem with a lot of these kind of like carbonated, sparkling, canned booze, vodka, juice things, they all kind of taste similar to White Claw. And during Rona, I really got all hopped up on the claws, man. Like I would go out and buy just boxes and boxes.

Like one day we went out and bought a case of the White Claw. What's the one, that one flavor that we would get all the time? It wasn't tangerine, whatever the fuck that one was. And I drank so much of that, that now the thought of it just makes me vomit. So I don't know.

But this one is Celsius Live Fit Sparkling Cherry Cola Essential Energy Accelerates Metabolism and Burns Body Fat. Well, I guess we'll find that out here because I'm going to crack one of these open for the podcast. So there we go. But what was the damn flavor? What are the White Claw flavors? There was the one though that was just fucking terrible. That it was great and then it wasn't because I had too many of them. Let's see White Claw flavors.

Let's see what was the one it was like one of the orange one mango. That's it. Mango. I bought like we went over to the Super Specs in Midtown. I think this was during the Rona or right before the Rona. Maybe it was 2019 because I got fired in early 2019. So we were probably just doing a lot of drinking of the claws and the claws were big at that time. And in fact, so I went to the LSU Texas game that year in Austin. Me and Sean Salisbury

and his lady and Jilly were all there. And that was when I was really at the height of my claw addiction. So what we would do is just go into the bar, get vodka and a white claw. We called it the Vodklaw. And you would just throw the fucking vodka into the White Claw and just go. Like so we were D-gens as it related to drinking White Claws. And now if I even think about drinking the mango White Claw, I feel like shit. It was just it was a time and place man. You had to be there. But I

would go over there and just get cases and cases of White Claw. It's fascinating because now you can find White Claw anywhere and it's you know it's kind of old hat. In that 19 and 20 era with White Claws, a lot of times they'd be scarce. You'd be like, where the fuck's the White Claw? And we need more. But now they're easy to find, of course. I want to try this new Dave Portnoy Miss Peach's Lemonade or whatever it is, one of these newer high noon things. I want to try this new Dave Portnoy Miss Peaches Lemonade or whatever it is, one of these newer high noon things.

I want to try those. And while we're talking about booze, apparently the Bushlight Apple is back and I've never had this, but I hear that Bushlight Apple is the greatest beer ever, if you'll believe that, and it's a hot commodity so the second it comes out it gets gobbled up and I've been looking for it in St. Louis because every sign I see in town says it's coming in May. Today is May 2nd I can't find it. I've dug deep into the rabbit wormhole or the reddit wormhole here and I think it comes out in a lot of places on May 5th. So I'm going to have to find this and I'll drink it for you on the pod and let you know but people are obsessed with this. I used to really be into like apple flavored stuff. Like first time I was in Houston, I endorsed Miller Lite. But one of their products was Red's Apple Ale.

And I want maybe Angry Orchard as well. But I know it was Red's Apple Ale. I drank a fuck ton of Red's Apple Ale in 2012 and 2013. Just case. You want to talk about the greatest endorsement I've ever had and I've driven cars for free. I've done a lot of **** right, but I will tell you this. The greatest endorsement I have ever had was with Miller Lite. My man Manny at Miller Lite because I would get they'd hook

me up. They gave me a mini fridge. They gave me a neon sign. They would hook me up with clothes all the time like polos, t-shirts. But the best was our buddy Kaden was having a birthday party in Houston. And I was like, I kind of need some booze. So I reach out to my guy and he's like, sure, we'll get you hooked up. Jilly goes over to pick up the beer, the alcohol. I'm on the air, she goes over to the distributor, she goes over to the Miller Lite people. They gave her so much boost, because remember, I think they're Coors as well. So we had Miller, we had Coors, we had like Red's Apple Ale. It weighed her, she had like a, I think she had a Honda Civic or Toyota, one of them.

It weighed the car down so much in the back that the ass of the car was dragging and it was nothing but fucking booze and we had an epic pool party and it was great. Those were the days and it wasn't that long ago. Fuck radio shit used to be awesome. And like, I look back on that and I'm like, Josh, those were the fucking salad days, brother.

Other than the fact that I didn't have a free car to drive and my other car had been repossessed. so I was paying like $700 a month to drive a car. But other than that, salad days, man. Like, think about like just the luxury of that. Like, hey, you know what? I want some beer. Let me call my buddy over at the distributor and they'll fill up a trunk full of all the beer you can imagine. Fuck, those days ruled. Anyway, let me play a couple commercials and we'll talk about drunks at

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Bonus awarded is non-withdrawable Pick 6 credits that expire in 14 days. Limited time offer. See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash promos. Alright, speaking of alcohol, so there are a lot of stories about the gentleman who fell out of the stands or maybe jumped out of the stands at the Pittsburgh game. Now, I've watched this video seemingly a hundred times because I'm a face is the death sicko rotten dot com son of a bitch. I don't understand how he fell because if he fell it would really have to be some truly final destination like oh I'm excited I jumped then I tripped over my

shoelace and tumbled over the balcony or over the railing and died. He's not dead by the way, he's in critical condition. But there are a lot of stories. First of all he's a guy that played like college football, he's like 20 years old, whatever. Now if you believe Reddit, the Reddit story is this. According to Reddit, this is a guy that was hammered throughout most of the game. Like this is the story. Like he was to the point that he was so hammered that at one point he tore off his shirt and poured a beer all over himself after a single. Okay, so the guy graduated high school in 2022 so he's in the neighborhood of 20 to 21 and he was super hammered at this game to the point that he was tearing off his shirt and pouring

beer all over himself which does track because if you notice he's not wearing a shirt on the field where he is laying pretty much lifeless on the field. There's also a great shot of like his buddy jumping over one of the fences to come try to rescue him. Whatever. So this guy, let's say this guy's hammered right? Super hammered, somehow falls over the railing because he's super hammered, got really excited and that's what a lot of the stories are saying. Like if you read some of the Reddit stories, they're saying that they were sitting next to the guy, he was super tanked and just fell. It still seems unlikely, but I have no reason. It'd be a weird thing to do to try to jump unless you're like, I got to get on the field

so I'm hammered and I'm going to jump unless you're like, I got to get on the field so I'm hammered and I'm going to jump. But when you watch the video, it's a weird fall. Like at no point does my man again, you got 21 feet, you're going to hit the ground in a second and a half, right? So it's not like you have a lot of time to think about this. But he never adjusts, never has this like, tries to straighten out his legs, he just falls right on his face. So I don't know. I don't know. Did he jump? I don't know. Did he fall? I don't know. The people, if you believe Reddit, the people sitting around him think he fell because they watched him fall. He got really excited, kind of stumbled and fell over the rail. Fascinating. But either way the guy was super hammered according to these reports. If you believe that, I don't

know. But I'm reading Reddit, which I very rarely do, but Reddit is actually kind of a new place to find things to kind of go off on. And one of these, if at least for me, I know I sound like, hey, have you seen Heat? But like that's kind of what I'm like, I'm, I know I'm old man yells at cloud here, like, hey, have you guys heard of Reddit? But I very rarely look at Reddit because most things that are on Reddit that involve me are terrible. But they're

talking about, and this is usually what happens when some dipshit does something stupid, they try to change the whole game for everyone. And he was apparently over-served at the baseball game, whatever. And someone makes the suggestion that they put like a limit on the number of beers you can buy and you have to wear a wristband and once you've hit the limit for the number of beers you can have on the wristband, then you can't have any more beer. And it's like, you know what, we've got to get to a point where we stop letting the dipshits who do dumb shit and hurt themselves fuck with everything else. Now, I don't go to a baseball game with the aspiration or the aspiration of getting

blackout hammered, right? It's really tough to do that at a current baseball game because the games are over in an hour and 50 minutes, right? So it's not like I go in there like, watch this guys, daddy's going to get blackout hammered. But I'd like to have that option to get blackout hammered at a baseball game if I so choose. As long as I'm not driving home, which by the way, you want to talk about being concerned about shit, imagine what happens when 40,000 people leave a baseball game. How many of those people are hammered when they're driving home? Probably a good number. Double that when you're talking about the people at a football game who spend all day

tailgating. So please spare me this idea that boy we really need to make sure people inside a baseball stadium aren't drinking 10 beers instead of 9 beers or 9 beers instead of 8 beers or 9 beers instead of 8 beers. Like give me a fucking break. We need to stop adjusting things for people who can't handle certain shit. Like look, I've lost a shit ton of money gambling. I'd probably have plenty of money in the bank and I never discovered sports betting. I'd probably have a shit load of money in the bank because real talk, I don't spend my money on a lot of other shit. Like I don't go on a ton of

trips. I don't buy a lot of clothes. Although there was a stretch in Houston where I was making so much money, I would just go to the mall and buy clothes. And when I tell you I never took the tags off of these things. Why did I do that? Why did I do that? There was a day that me and Jim Mudd walked over because he and I would mall walk after work every day, because we're fat guys. and we would walk around the mall go have lunch and I walk into the Dillards at the Memorial City Mall and they had a good big

and tall section Tommy Bahama big and tall shit and I'm like fucking right I probably spent four five hundred dollars that day at the Tommy Bahama big and Tall and when I tell you that when we moved I went into the closet. Not one of those shirts had the tag removed from them not fucking one and I'm like Josh. Why did you do this? But like if even if I would have done that more frequently than become a degenerate sports gambler, I'd have a shitload of money in my bank account.

I don't I'm a dip shit, really the thing that really sent me back is when I got fired in Houston and then didn't get a job right away so I had to eat up a lot of my savings. None of that matters. The point is gambling. Some people like me gamble poorly and lose a lot of their cash. Some people don't. Some people can just go like Jilly can bet $2 on a basketball parlay and she's totally happy with it. She has no aspirations of putting $10 or $20 or 20 or 30 or 100. She likes to put $2 and if that miracle plus 5000 parlay hits, she wins $40 and she's happy. Most people can do that. But then there's

degenerates like me. Should I ruin it for everybody because I suck at gambling? No. Should the person who drinks too much ruin it for the people that like to have five, six beers on a Saturday night? No. Like I don't need you telling me how much of anything I can have. Do you tell the fat fucks at the buffet like, oh, limit one plate. We're trying to protect you from you. Oh no, you fucking don't. You only, you want to know what kills a lot of people? Fucking obesity, trans fats, all that

shit, right? Heart attacks from eating too fucking much. Yet some heifer can go to the fucking golden corral and get 14 plates if they so choose. There's no limit. But you want to tell people how many beers they can drink at a baseball game? You want to tell people that they can't smoke weed? You want to tell? Fuck you. Like we are not a place that should be governing how much of something someone consumes. If they want to fucking consume it, let them consume it. And if someone does something stupid because they consume too much of it, guess what? That's on them. Like when I was in Nashville and one of the big things in Nashville is that there's this group of

fucking Dean Wormser types that's in downtown Nashville that hates party buses because they're like these old school people and like they hate the noise and everything from Broadway. They don't realize that literally the only reason for anyone to ever go to Nashville is for Broadway. It's a miserable time. I would actually advise you to not go. It really is a horrible, loud, obnoxious time in downtown Nashville. It's cool to time. I would actually advise you to not go. It really is a horrible, loud, obnoxious time in downtown Nashville. It's cool to go probably once in your life. It's like New Orleans. New Orleans seems like a good idea.

Then you're down there and it's kind of like, ready to go home, right? Like that's Nashville. But the difference between Nashville and New Orleans is like you in New Orleans, you can find places where you're in the vicinity where it's not as fucking obnoxious. Whereas Nashville, every single weekend in Nashville is obnoxious. It's country Las Vegas, every bar is like a long ass line to get in, every restaurant's a long ass line to get in. It's obnoxious because it's nothing but live music with people who think their band's going

to make it. Like that's Nashville, right? But that's what Nashville's known for. And party buses, where they get these girls on the party buses and it's a bachelorette party and woo! They call them woo girls. They're all just always like, you know, the girls came in from Davenport, Iowa for Chrissy's bachelorette party. Woo! Last fling before the ring! Woo-hoo-hoo! And then you'll see their little car driving around with a Venmo to send money to buy them shots, like all that shit. If you look in that town, right, it's wild.

That's what they're known for. Well, this one drunk jemoke did a handstand on one of these party buses. Drunk jemoke falls off the party bus and dies. Thus, they took the alcohol away from the party buses. And that's why I had a big thing. I had a parade to try to say, hey, these businesses will die if they can't serve booze. Who wants to ride around Nashville on a giant fucking bus drinking Sprite? Nobody. Like, so taking their booze away from them is a fucking dreadful idea. That's

why we did the Don't Lose the Booze party bus parade with the Josh Ennis show. We got all the party buses together. It was a cool little bit, made some TV news. It was cool. My point for that, just like my point for anything, is who are we to determine, why are we determining how we distribute things based on what the worst of the people do. That's my problem with it. Like if you had no speed limit, would a bunch of people go 110 all the time? Maybe.

But I'd say most people would probably still ride at, you know, 70 miles an hour. Now, maybe, maybe not. I don't know. But I don't like, you know, like going to a ball game. Give somebody a wristband and once they've hit a certain number of beers, cut them off. Well, fuck you! How do you know that I can't handle six beers more than you can, you dainty twat? Like, what do you, like, so just because someone, and that's how we are though, we're reactionary.

Something bad happens and the first thing is we have to do a referendum on the situation, like, beer at baseball games. Is it time for change? Like fuck off. Some drunk jemoke falls off a fucking scoreboard, puts himself in critical condition, he's fucking hammered. Good news for him is he probably didn't feel a fucking thing. It sounds like he was super fucking hammered. But it does sound final destination-y. Because when I'm watching the video, my first thought is if he did fall, it would have had to have been a situation where he dropped jumped up to celebrate the hit and then somehow his seat instead of folding back up didn't fold back up and both of his legs miraculously get stuck on the chair. Final Destination 8 shitty pirates game. Anyway, more to come.