The Josh Innes Show - Random Thoughts: Fuckin' Pumpkins

Episode Date: October 5, 2022

Hey, it's me. I'm currently stuck at the radio station because the garage is being blocked off by a truck full of pumpkins. I have been here 9 hours. I'm surly. I'm hungry. My wife is going to chop my balls off when I get home because she's hungry. My dog is probably miserable. Also, Joe Burrow is one of the few football players who honestly gets it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is the Josh Ennis Show. Howdy and welcome in to the Josh Ennis Show. I'm not going to put on a happy face right now. I'm trying to be upbeat and say, hey, it's the Josh Ennis Show. It's more content for everybody. Here's the reason why there is more content right now. I am trapped at the radio station and I cannot leave. And I've been here since 4 o'clock this morning.

I'm on hour number 9 of being at the radio station. I've already put in a full damn day. And you might say, well, Josh, how are you trapped at the radio station? How does that even work? Are you being held hostage? Are you being held captive? What is the issue? Let me tell you what the issue is.

There are fucking pumpkins blocking the exit to the parking garage. They might say, Josh, how are there pumpkins blocking the exit to the parking garage? Well, let me share. I got to start at the beginning. So starting at the beginning, our building is now shared by this business that actually bought the building. So basically, here's how it goes. This company bought this building that iHeart has owned for like 100 years on Music Row

in Nashville, right? Well, this other company that's like a sports marketing agency or something like that, this company bought the building because we sold it and we're all supposed to move into this big glamorous building over on Broadway. Problem is, they didn't build any damn radio studios in that big glamorous building, so we're basically stuck here until they do, which, by the way, is never going to fucking happen. So, we're going to be in this building forever.

Fine, it is what it is. But the building is now shared by us and this other place. So, they do all these weird random things. They're kind of like a modern company and shit and they got nice things their bathrooms have nice colognes and perfumes and shit in them and they don't have dead bodies in them like ours do like they've got nice

stuff and they're very kind of forward thinking progressive young hip whatever they're always playing god damn Adam Levine music over the speakers they're having a good time okay well I must have missed the email, but apparently there was an email that went out from one of our people the other day that said there would be a pumpkin wagon pulling up. In fact, I didn't miss the email. I saw the

damn email. Problem is, I didn't read the entire fucking email. All I saw was an email that said there'd be a pumpkin wagon at the radio station. I didn't see the time, the date, or anything. All I saw was pumpkin wagon. So you can come out and get your free pumpkins. I'm like, all right, whatever, fine. Well, I go down to my car a little while ago to our piece of shit Sonata to drive home, and I see that there is a pumpkin blocking, like basically, let me describe how our garage setup is. You got this garage, it's slightly elevated, you go down a ramp, and the ramp goes to just the music row. This car, or not even a car, it's a big truck with a wagon on the back of it, like a flat bed type of wagon, is like you'd see in a parade, like if somebody's in a parade and

they're all standing on the back of it, that type of That type of shit. Like a hayride type of thing. So this guy is kind of parallel blocking the entrance to the garage so I can't get out. And you might say, well, Josh, ask him to move. These sons of bitches have all the pumpkins laid out all over the driveway. So it is impossible to get out. And all these heathens in this building are all going out like, oh, God, I've got to scrub a free pumpkin. I can't wait to get my free pumpkin.

So there's like these women grabbing like five pumpkins at a time. Never knew these women had this sort of strength until it was free fucking pumpkin day at the radio station. They're all grabbing pumpkins. Pumpkins, pumpkins, pumpkins. Making three or four trips. Oh, there's a gourd. I want that one.

Oh, that one's white. I want that one. Oh, that one's white. I want that one. Oh, that one's got a bunch of warts on it. Maybe I can turn that into a fucking pumpkin witch. Great. So now I'm stuck here. I went back and looked for the email because I texted Jill. I go, I'm stuck here.

There's fucking pumpkins. She goes, oh, yeah, there was an email that went out that said they'd be there. They said, yeah, I texted Jonathan. Yeah, I thought they weren't going to be there till 1. No, Jonathan. They got here at 1130 and weren't going to be there till 1. No, Jonathan. They got here at 1130 and they were going to be here until like 130. It is currently 1. I went down an hour ago to try to get out of here.

I've been stuck in this damn radio station since 4 o'clock and I can't leave. Now, Jilly's pissed because I'm supposed to go to lunch. Now she's got to order something. You know how Jilly gets when she's fucking hungry. She's fucking nuts. So now she's nuts. Luther's probably pissed off because he can't go to the park. We've got a piece of shit car sitting in this damn garage.

These asshole heathen people out here, these monsters are gobbling up all the goddamn pumpkins they can. This is bullshit. They're just pumpkins. So now, that's why I'm talking with you guys right now. That's why I'm sharing this with you because I got nothing else. I have done all of my work. I have found extra work to do. I do three radio shows. You want a little full disclosure on how the radio shows work? Here's how they work. I have a live radio show in Nashville, right? I do that from six to 10 in the morning. I also have a radio show that airs in the morning in Memphis and in Detroit.

Some of the stuff that's in Memphis and Detroit for the sake of time is done the day before. Generic shit. Like tomorrow in Memphis, I'll mention that it's Elizabeth Shue's birthday and I get to talk about how much I used to beat off to Elizabeth Shue. Like that kind of shit that's generic that won't change. Then I leave open spaces throughout the morning where I can put in shit that's happening currently or in the city or sports or whatever. But I always try to add at least a couple of extra kind of generic things in there so I can not have hours and hours of work to do every morning with these shows. Now, it's kind of a new thing with Memphis. I've only been doing it for a little over two weeks.

But like with Detroit, it was easy. It was just one station. I would do it. This week, I've also been up here by myself because that jagweed fucking battle is out in Mexico sending me fucking texts. Oh, I'm drinking tequila. Maybe I'll bring you some.

You asshole, you never drink when I'm around you, you son of a bitch. And now you're over in Mexico and you're getting lit on fucking tequila and riding little jet skis and boats and shit. And I'm over here washing and fucking drying at this goddamn place. But anyway, so I'm doing three radio shows simultaneously. So I try to record as much of the other ones as I can, leaving just enough space where I can add current and stuff. And I can

always change it if something changes. If like, you know, the world ends or World War III starts, I can, you know, dump the Elizabeth Shue content and talk about how aliens have fucking invaded or there's a zombie apocalypse. I can always do that. But I do this to at least save myself some time in the morning. I've done all I can today for that. I've left all my spots open. So now I'm literally just sitting here in this radio station. Like there's nobody involved with the radio station here.

I'm literally the only person that works at the radio station that is here. The rest of the building is occupied by these kind of young hipster people working at this other place that are gobbling up all the goddamn pumpkins outside. I text Jilly. She goes, hey, you know, why don't you go out and get us a pumpkin? I said, why don't you go out and kiss my ass? The pumpkins are gobbled up by all these monsters out here. They're pumpkin monsters is what they are. So this is what my life is today. I will sit here until they move. Now, they're supposed to move in like 20 minutes, I think is when they're supposed to move. But I don't even know at this point.

Couldn't even tell you. When are they supposed to move? Do not know. So, what's on your minds today? I just saw a story that I was reading on ESPN while I had time to kill. I was just reading on ESPN that Joe Burrow actually speaks with some level of common sense when it comes to concussions for athletes. And he doesn't come across as one of these frauds like all these people. Oh, my God, it's so dangerous.

We've got to protect our players while in the same vein saying they play like pussies now and they should put flags on them. At least Joe Burrow has some level of honesty in what he talks about. He was on the Colin Cowherd podcast and talked about head injuries and said, quote, I've had some where I don't remember the second half and don't remember the entire game, or I know I got a little dizzy at one point, but nothing long-lasting. You're going to have head injuries, Burrow told the podcast. You're going to tear your ACL. You're going to break your arm.

That's the game that we play. That's the life that we live. And we get paid handsomely for it. I think going into every game, we know what we're getting ourselves into. Thank you. It's like people talk about these athletes like they're children who have to be babied all the time and don't know that, hey, by the way, you play a violent fucking game. And they only say this about football players. You ever notice that?

Like when a NASCAR driver drives into a fucking wall and dies. You know what most people say about that? They say, you know, maybe you shouldn't do something that involves driving 200 miles an hour in a circle and maybe you wouldn't die. When the crocodile hunter gets stabbed in the heart by a stingray, you know what they say? Maybe you shouldn't fuck with stingrays. Yet somehow with football, like there's this world where these guys are being mistreated and forced into this life of making millions of dollars while they're out there with a gun to their head being forced to play this game, which is absurd. But that's what we get from this. Now, this is how these athletes are treated. They are treated like children. And at some point you have to start treating them like men. And it's very convenient. Like a lot of athletes are conveniently stupid.

Like when it's necessary to be stupid, they can be ignorant. But what's funny is all the time athletes tell you that they want to be considered smart and they want to be their good business people and they want to own teams. And a lot of athletes that are affluent and smart guys and are good business people. Yet when it comes to stuff like this, they're very good at being dumb. They're very good at saying, I don't know. No, you should know your own goddamn body and you know it's a violent game and you should know that you could end up fucked up playing football.

And thank Christ someone like Joe Burrow steps up and says, hey, you know what? It's a physical game. Another quote from Joe Burrow. You have a 300-pound man running 20 miles an hour trying to take your head off while you're standing still trying to ignore it and find receivers that are open, he said on the podcast. Thank you. Thank you, Joe Burrow.

Thank you for your candor and your honesty and your lack of fraudulent shit. There are too many frauds. And they're all out there and they're like, thank you, Joe. Thank you, thank you, thank you. But it's only football players we do this for. If there were a roofer and this roofer falls off a roof and breaks his neck and can't work again, nobody says, oh, poor guy, we've got to make roofing safer.

You know what they say? Fuck you, get a different job. Roofing's dangerous, chief. Same with cops. Same with anything. a different job. Roofing's dangerous, chief. Same with cops. Same with anything. Any dangerous job. The jamoke that photographed those dudes, like back in the 30s, whenever they would take pictures while building skyscrapers

and you'd see the dudes up on the top eating lunch, and some guy had to take a picture of them. What if that guy fell off? You know what people would say? Well, you know, Bill was really kind of fucking dumb. His only line of work was standing up on fucking beams hundreds of feet above the air, taking pictures of jamokes eating their sandwiches. Maybe he should have gotten into something a little less dangerous.

But only football players, stunt drivers or stunt doubles on a movie. If a stuntman dies falling off a building or something, you go, well, dangerous line of work, man. Probably shouldn't do it. Maybe you should have paid more attention in school so you didn't have to, you know, get your brains beaten in on a movie set and die. But football players, we go, these guys are mistreated. They can't control themselves.

They have to be coddled. And I've got former players and players saying this, saying, well, we need to be protected from ourselves. No, friend, fuck you. Protect yourself. There's an idea. The idea that you need to be coddled or protected or, well, I got to, no, you're an adult man. And only football players do we say this for. Not baseball players, not any other athlete, not any other line of work. We never get this. If a plane goes down, plane crashes, you know what we say about the pilot? Well, it's a dangerous line of work he was in. You thought that there was always that chance. But with football, it's never, yeah, you know, there's

always a chance you can get a concussion or you can break your leg or end up with a bruised spine. We never say that. No, we never say that. We say something's got to be done to make the game safer. It can't be. It's a violent game. It's a dangerous game. That's all you got. So you're going to go out, you're going to play a violent, dangerous game and expect nobody to get hurt? You're fucking delusional. People are really fucking stupid.

Really dumb. And I'm charged up because I'm still stuck at this goddamn radio station. And I've been here since like four this morning. Oh, my God. By the way, tomorrow is Elizabeth Shue's birthday and she's a hot piece of ass. And the best she ever looked was in leaving Las Vegas when she was all strung out and drugged out and blowing those dudes. That's the best she ever looked. I can give you a tease on what I'm going to talk about on the Memphis and Detroit shows tomorrow. Elizabeth Shue, piece of ass, celebrating the anniversary of Eddie Van Halen's death.

Not necessarily celebrating. Celebrating the life of Eddie Van Halen and playing some Eddie Van Halen tunes tomorrow. That's what we're doing. Oh, boy. I'm all jacked up. I'm all fired up. I'm all charged up today. Dadgummit.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to get Jilly to do some pics for some games and stuff. We'll do that. Try to get Dad on the phone, do Scott's pics from his ass. I've got a lot of stuff. You know, we're still a week back into this shit, and I fucking love you guys, and I'm glad you guys are listening. You guys are awesome. Now I've got to go out there, and I've got to just sit there and wait until all the pumpkins are gone so the goddamn pumpkin wagon will move. Literally called the pumpkin wagon.

Just a bunch of ugly-ass pumpkins. Another thing, like these pumpkins that have like kind of warts on them and stuff, I have kind of a soft spot for them because they remind me of my skin tags. And I feel bad for them. I say, you know what? I understand your pain, friend, because I too have skin tags. Yours might be warts, whatever you call them, but I have skin tags, and it's an embarrassing ailment to deal with, and it's gross.

Oh, boy. Anyway. All right. Just some random thoughts for you. I'm just going to sit here until this damn pumpkin wagon moves. I'm hungry. Nothing. I'm hungry.

And you would think here I'm in downtown Nashville there would be somewhere walkable to get some food. Not really. It's a hell of a hike to find any food anywhere. I know you got your own problems in life and I respect that you have your own problems in life. I get it. But dadgummit, this is a damn near a tragedy is what I'm dealing with here. And see, then I have to get home and I know Jilly's going to be angry. I mean, she's, you know, because, you know, she had to order food and shit, and I'm going to have to hear that. At least my stories are on tonight. I think the Goldberg's out on tonight, Wednesday. By the way, I lose track of time.

Another issue I have is I lose track of what day it is because I record so much stuff a day in advance that I will forget that today is today and I will think it is tomorrow. In my mind, it is Thursday. In reality, it is tomorrow. In my mind, it is Thursday. In reality, it is Wednesday. The hope is that someday they go, you know what? We're going to put you on a bunch of radio stations and just run your actual show and not have you do 10 different shows. But I'm doing this to prove my fucking worth because I see all these other people out there. Like I saw, there's this iHeart station in Dallas that has a hot talk format now, hired all these people, didn't even pick up the phone and called Josh Ennis.

Well, you know what? I'm going to continue to go out and prove my worth, and then I'm going to make it impossible for you not to put me on all these radio stations, and I'm going to get dollar, dollar bills, y'all. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to keep shining. That's what I'm going to do. Shine bright like a fucking diamond.

That's what I'm going to do. Bang. Josh Ennis Show. Bang.