The Josh Innes Show - Random Thoughts:: We Want Houston

Episode Date: October 19, 2022

Hello Again! The Astros and Yankees are ready to go tonight in Houston. Yankees fans were seen chanting "We Want Houston!" outside Yankee Stadium last night. I understand. I get it. In moments of euphoria we sometimes desire things we know we don't really want. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is the Josh Innes Show. Well, it's game one of the American League Championship Series. The Astros are back. The Yankees are back. It's go time, baby. Let's do it. Playoff baseball in the age. Six consecutive seasons of the Astros being in the League Championship Series. A baseball record. You don't need me to tell you that, though.

Who would have thunk this, though? Man, when I was a kid, and I grew up in Baton Rouge, as you know, for the most part, so I watched a lot of Astros. That was what was on TV. Bill Worrell was calling games, Bill Brown, Jim Deshaies, all these guys, right? At one point, even I think when I was there, it was still, oh, God, who was it? Oh, hell, I don't remember there, it was still, oh, God, who was it?

Oh, hell, I don't remember. But it was a lot of those guys. Larry Durker. Dirk before he became manager. I watched all that stuff growing up because that's the games we had. We had the Astros on TV. We had the Astros on radio. That was our local team.

That's who we loved. You obviously had the Braves on TBS and the Cubs on WGN, but we had the freaking Astros. So growing up, I watched a lot of the Astros. Yeah, I'm a Cardinals fan, but I watched the hell out of the Astros now, man. Let me tell you, I watched that stuff all the time growing up on Fox Sports Net. There was some dude with gray hair, I think, that was on there too that now does the Rangers games, I think. But I used to watch them all. And I would have never imagined back in 1996, 97, 98, 99,

when those good Astros teams were winning ballgames, and they were winning a ton of them, and they were going to the playoffs and finding ways to lose in the playoffs and not winning series. I would have never thought we'd gotten to a point where the Astros have the greatest postseason run, at least in terms of making it to the league championship series, the greatest postseason run of at least in terms of making it to the league championship series, the greatest postseason run of any team in the history of baseball. That's pretty freaking wild.

And now here we are, number six, and looking for championship number two. Here come the Astros, burning with desire. Here come the Astros, breathing orange fire. Let me tell you what got me jacked up the other day. This was a couple weeks ago. But we had a fantasy football party in Nashville for the radio show. We do a fantasy football league, which, by the way, I'm fucking terrible. I don't even try, but they wanted to do a sponsorship for it.

I've never played fantasy football. I thought my boss, who's a fantasy football savant, was going to be the guy doing my team. It turns out he's not doing my team. So, like, last week I started, like, four dudes who are hurt, and I lost, and I keep losing. Doesn't really matter. I can't win the whole thing anyway.

A listener can win $1,000 and a championship belt. I can't win dicks, so what do I care anyway? So, one of our listeners, Chad, who is a pilot, you might remember the Assweiler can. Well, Chad is the guy who produced the Assweiler can. And Chad, before the league started, says, I want to fly to Nashville so I can join this fantasy football league. And I said, okay, cool. If you can get here, he's a pilot. And in my mind, the funny thing is I thought he meant he was going to hop like

in a Cessna and fly here and then fly home that night. Well, it turns out he was just catching flights with the airlines and stuff that he works for. But Chad, who made the asswiler can, the famous asswiler can, he flew to town with his lady and they came to the fantasy football draft at Twin Peaks. His lady shows up. Hot chick, by the way. His lady shows up and she's wearing an orange, breathing orange fire t-shirt.

And at first I didn't connect the dots that she was with Chad because I don't remember Chad saying he was going to bring his lady. So I just see a lady sitting at the bar, you know, at the Twin Peaks, wearing a Breathe in Orange Fire Josh Inasho t-shirt and like, instantly, I was like, well, sorry, Jelly. Looks like you lost out. Because there's a lady here wearing my name upon her bosom. And when a lady's wearing her name upon your bosom, you lost out. Because there's a lady here wearing my name upon her bosom. And when a lady's wearing her name upon your bosom, you're in.

As it turns out, though, it was just Chad's lady. But still, it was somewhat arousing to see a hot lady wearing your shirt. But anyway, it was somewhat arousing to see a hot lady wearing your shirt. But anyway, she was wearing the shirt that actually killed it. I'm like, I bet she used to listen to the show. And I bet she used to be into it. And she never told old Chad.

But she's very turned on by me and my sense of humor and everything else. Turns out she goes, yeah, I have no idea what this shirt means or anything. Chad just told me to wear it. And I was like, great. But anyway, so Breathe in Orange Fire, that just came to my mind there. And these are the times where we would have probably been out at Mattress Mac's place. Is he doing that still or no? I guess it seems like he's not.

I don't know. But if we're being honest about that, there's nobody that could pull that off like me and old Jimbo and old Jilly and Mattress Mac. I mean, like, I love Sean. Sean ain't pulling that off. And the dickheads that are on the rest of that station ain't pulling anything off either. They're not doing anything. So, I mean, ain't nobody doing it like Jiss was doing it. But anyway, so we're ready for it. Game one tonight. And I believe the Astros are going to beat the hell out of the Yankees tonight. I think there's many reasons to believe that. Most notably is I'm a big believer in betting against teams who just celebrated a big accomplishment,

whether it's winning a division, whether it is, in this case, advancing to the next round of the playoffs. They're advancing to the next round of the playoffs, and they have to play the next day. So you're popping champagne. You're probably having a good time on the flight. You're feeling good. Now you've got to get to Houston and play in less than 24 hours.

Let me look at the spread of this game. The spread doesn't really matter, but looking at the game tonight, the Yankees are plus 150, so the Astros are minus 178. Honestly, that's obviously not value, but considering that it's Verlander going in this game and Verlander's coming off a terrible start, important to note, Verlander's not a great postseason pitcher stat-wise, but I'd still, if you'd line it up and you say, hey, I'm taking the Astros and the Yankees, if I get that and I'm getting Verlander versus Tyon? Talon?

Tyon? I'm taking Verlander. Like, I'm not going to bet against Verlander. Now, you might say, would Verlander give up some runs? Maybe. Maybe I'd take the bet of Verlander giving up over two and a half. I mean, we saw that in the division series. He gave up some runs to Seattle.

He stunk. But they're not going to lose this game that Justin Verlander is starting. So, obviously, not a ton of value in this, but that's going to be the case. I mean, they're going to win. Let me see what some of the other numbers in this are. I'm using this different app now. I'm looking at the FanDuel app. I stopped using the DraftKings app for a while, and I'm just testing out FanDuel to see what it's about. Let me see what the team run totals are on this. See if I can find that. Team run totals. Hell, I don't know. I'm still trying to learn this damn app. But anyway, I would imagine the Astros over-under is like three and a half, something like that, if I had

to guess. Now, looking at Verlander, actually, here we go. Houston Astros runs over three and a half. I think the Astros will score more than 3.5 runs. And I think the Yankees are going to score. I don't think they're going to shut them out. So 2.5 isn't bad either. And let's see, strikeouts for Verlander over 6.5. That's plus money there if you're looking at any gambling. I know a lot of you guys listening are in Texas, and they binge you over in Texas

and don't let you bet online because they're dopes and all the politics. But if you do and you do things anywhere else, those are some things to look at. But I do believe that the Astros are going to win the game tonight. I am a big believer that when you've got a team that comes off a big celebration and they have to play a team that's been rested sitting around doing nothing, I think you've got a good advantage there, especially when it's the next day. And usually that's how I play in the regular season. Like let's say Astros clinch the division and they celebrate. I will go against them the next day. And a lot of times that works out. I have no data. I have no percentages that it hits. But I play it all the time and it hits pretty frequently.

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It is non-withdrawable pick six credits that expire in 14 days. Limited time offer. See terms at picksix.draftkings.com slash promos. And not only that, we take you to a celebration in the Bronx. We want Houston! We want Houston! We want Houston! We want Houston! Friend, I don't know that you do. Because you've gotten Houston multiple times with better teams than you have now. And I'd argue better teams than the Astros have right now. And you've lost.

Friend, I don't think you want that. I don't think you're ready for that sauce. How sad is it that this is what the Yankees are now? Like, when I was a boy, the Yankees were a monster, right? You never see a scenario where Yankee fans are so beaten down by a franchise and so jealous of the success of a franchise that Yankee fans are chanting, we want that team. Usually, it goes the other way.

Usually it'd be Houston chanting, we want the Yankees. Or when the Rockets would play, there'd be beat LA chants. Rarely does it come down to the Yankees being the team or LA being the team that's chanting, you know, beat Memphis or beat Houston. And rarely is it a situation where it's the Yankees who have a bunch of fans out in the street in front of a McDonald's after the game holding signs and screaming, we want Houston.

If you need an example of how the mighty hath fallen, just look at that. Look no further. The Astros have destroyed their fucking brains. They've destroyed them mentally. They've destroyed them on the field. The Yankees have no've destroyed them mentally. They've destroyed them on the field. The Yankees have no advantages over them mentally. The mental game has been dominated by the Astros and the city of Houston and the fans

of the Astros. There's nothing the Yankees have. There's no intimidation. You think people are afraid of dopey Yankee fans? No, they're not. And when you've got people out there en masse in the streets chanting, we want Houston, when that's what you're getting last night. Friend, I really don't know that you do.

And you might, in this moment, you might think that. You know what I would compare it to? How about this? I think we've all been in sexual situations before, with the exception of Joe and Philly who listens. We've all been in sexual situations before. And we've been in sexual situations with people who we didn't eventually marry or maybe people we knew we weren't going to marry or be together with a long time and didn't want to have any sort of long-term relationship with, we were just going to pound town, right? And you have that moment. And you're making love to that lady. If you're a man, you're making love to that lady. Or if you're a lady, you're making love to a man. Or if you're a man, you could be making love to a man. But this doesn't really apply to you because unless you're some wacky liberal person, you're not going to get pregnant as a man. Or you're not going to get pregnant as a lesbian, at least by having sex with another lesbian. You get the point. The point is this. Here's where I'm going.

There's that moment when you're what you would call mid-coitus, if you will, with another person, and you're really getting close to the big moment. And in that big moment, some would call it a climax, if you will. And there's a big moment that's about to happen. And you're going to pound town, and you're all sweaty and gross, and you've been at it for a while. Maybe you're hammered so it's taken a little bit longer. I don't

know. But then that big moment happens. It's going to happen. It's close! Are you close? Yeah, I'm close! Grab my ass! You know, something like that. You're getting close. You're like? Yeah, I'm close. Grab my ass. You know, something like that. You're getting close. You're like, tell me I'm a bad boy. Whatever. Call me Poppy. Whatever it

is. And you're not wearing protection. And again, you're not going to marry this person. You might be dating this person, but you don't have long-term plans with this person. And in that very moment, the gal is like, it's okay.

You can finish inside me. Just give it to me. I need it. I need this. I've made love with a lot of women who are really into my sexual prowess, obviously. And in that very moment,

you're thinking, I want this. This is what I want. I want to ejaculate inside of you, ma'am. This is what I'm here for. But then something hits you in that last second and you go, nope, I cannot get myself to do that because light bulb goes off and you know there are consequences. And alas, you exit and finish elsewhere. That is unless you get caught up in the moment and you just go right there and you gave her what she wanted which was just do it inside of me do it come on be a man you bitch you fucking pussy do it i watch a lot of humiliation porn but anyway there's that moment

that you think you want it and she wants it and it happens, and what do you do for the next month or so? You sit around and you go, oh God, for the love of Christ, don't be pregnant. For the love of God, don't be with child. But in the moment, you want it, because it sounds good, because you're euphoric. You're mid-coitus. You're going to pound town. You're taking the skin bone to tuna town. Life is good for you in the moment.

But you know that there are consequences. But in that moment you wanted it. You were thirsty. Give it to me, papi. You wanted it. There are consequences to those actions and those requests. I think what you're dealing with here with these guys, what you're dealing with here for those guys is they just want a playoff series and they're

advancing and they're going to take on a team that they hate. And in that very moment, they want Houston because they're mid-coitus. They're excited. They're happy. But what they don't realize or remember when they're mid-coitus, they're not thinking of the consequence of their requests or their actions. Or they're not thinking about past. In the past, you see, they've been dominated by the Astros. The Astros always beat them. The Astros are the Yankees.

The Yankees are everybody else. The Astros always beat them. The Astros are the Yankees. The Yankees are everybody else. The Astros dominate. So in that very moment, they might think, I want it. Give it to me, Poppy! But they don't really because they know the consequences of these actions. They've been caught up in this moment. And they will experience it. They will learn tonight and the rest of this series when the Astros beat them.