The Josh Innes Show - Return To The Asian Foot Massage

Episode Date: June 10, 2025

I have discovered an Asian foot massage place in the Galleria Mall in St. Louis. This is quite a find! It's crazy because it's pretty much exactly like the one in Houston. Is it odd that we just trust these people in the middle of a mall to rub us down? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello friends, what's going on? It's Josh. Good morning to you. It's about 10 o'clock on Tuesday. Just got done taking Ross for a nice long walk. The little bastard took me on like a five mile walk yesterday afternoon. My legs were like jello and I know it's just walking, but I got bad feetsies. I think I've got bunions. Not to, you know, gross anybody out. It's not like a bunion is like an actual like, you know, like a giant like elevated or raised thing on one's foot. But I've decided that's what I have. I am undiagnosed professionally, I have self diagnosed as having bunions. And I've also, you know,

had gout, of course, which is crippling. Speaking of the gout, there's an account that I follow. This is so random like most people on Instagram are like I follow this girl with huge tits. I follow some Asian guy who talks about his gout and like all the videos he posts. I'm like I've lived that. He's like walking around like with a cane walking around Walmart. I'm like I haven't had a cane but I know that pain you're feeling in your foot. I know the gout pain. He's like walking around like with a cane walking around Walmart. I'm like I haven't had a cane but I know that pain you're feeling in your foot. I know the gout pain. It's like I feel like someone's talking to me. Like you know when you hear that like hey black people are now into golf because Tiger Woods plays golf and Tiger Woods looks like them and they need to see some

sort of representation to make things seem okay. When I see some guy with gout walking around on the internet I'm like you know what I'm not alone in this war. sort of representation to make things seem okay. When I see some guy with Gout walking around on the internet, I'm like, you know what? I'm not alone in this war. I'm not alone, God damn it. So I don't know what his account is. The videos pop up sometimes. I follow him of course, but it's just a guy that, you know, shows different scenarios or having Gout's terrible. And I'm like, yes, speaking of Asian people, have you been listening for any period of time, you know that my favorite thing about Houston was going to the Galleria and seeing the nice Asian folks at

the Galleria at the Chi or Chai, Chi, Chai reflexology and I would go in and get my neck rubbed, back rubbed, all that shit and I was at the Galleria in St. Louis the other day and I discovered that there is also an Asian foot massage, neck massage place in the Galleria in St. Louis. This is huge news. So I went in, I'm walking around yesterday, two days ago, I guess it was Saturday or Sunday. It might have been Saturday that I was walking around. So a couple days ago. And I go over and I walk by and the Asians at this Galleria are just the same hustlers as the Asians Saturday that I was walking around. So a couple days ago and I go over and I walk by and the Asians at this Galleria are just the same hustlers as the Asians in

the Galleria in Houston. You walk by, they start pointing at the sign, you know, you want foot massage? I'm like, yes, I goddamn do! This time I didn't get a foot massage, although I think I'm gonna go today, you know, because my dogs are barking, as it were. So I think I'm gonna go today,, you know, because my dogs are barking as it were. So I think I'm going to go today, but I sat in the chair for 20 minutes. And what's fascinating about this is how we're all so willing to just accept that these random Asian dudes who we don't know are like trained well enough to be rubbing all over us. Let me play a couple commercials and I'll continue. The NBA Finals are finally here and after spending the playoffs all over the Pick 6 app from Draft Kings, well, we're ready for the championship round and this is your last shot to win some real

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your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please contact connectsontario18665312600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Like it truly is a fascinating thing. Like you just accept, it's kind of like the same concept as like you just accept that somebody who's picking you up in an Uber is a decent driver and not some lunatic that's going to pull off into the woods and shoot you in the face or someone that's a horrible driver. You just accept it. You don't even think about it. You call an Uber and you just get in this person's car and say, YOLO, right? And it's kind of the same concept as going to one of these, you know, these reflexology places in the mall. Like as I'm sitting there and this guy's just digging his elbows. That's kind of one of their

go-to moves. If you ever sit in the chair at the mall and get a rub down from the Asian dudes, one of their go-to moves is they just dig their elbows into you and it hurts and you want to be like, sir that hurts, but then right when it is about to be too much then he stops. Well first off it started with a woman and this woman had to have been four feet tall and she's rubbing my back and I'm like I'm not really feeling anything here and then it's almost like she went to the bullpen. It's like she knew that it wasn't doing anything for me. So she's like, she calls for the rioty. And like next thing I know,

I'm feeling this Asian dude on my back and I'm feeling this hot breath in my ear. And he's, you want more? I'm like, yeah, give it to me daddy. And he just starts like digging his shit into my back and like rubbing my occipital nerves in my neck and I only know the occipital nerve and what that is because I once had an occipital nerve blocked to stop headaches so I know some shit and I mean that dude just got all up in there like he was just beating the shit out of me

and I'm like in theory this guy could break my back or something. And I just trusted this random jamoke in a little tiny thing in the mall. Even worse is when you go to malls where the dudes are in the middle of the mall and not even in like an actual storefront, they're just kind of in the mall. Like, I want to say that was the case at the first colony mall in Sugarland. I think, I think it might have been the first colony mall or one of the malls in the Houston area that you'd walk around and they would just have the Asian dudes just out in the middle of the mall. So people would just watch you get rubbed down and like you're thinking these guys aren't even putting up the money to have a storefront, yet I'm trusting them to beat the shit out of my back, but I do it because I'm an addict and it feels good. Like

I have physical decisions to make, right? Because your boy's not exactly flush with cash. Your boy needs to find a job pretty fast, but I got a couple of dollars and I like to go to the chiropractor to get an adjustment, right? Now that guy has a legitimately like trained, educated, certified doctor of chiropractic medicine or whatever the fuck they call chiropractors, right? Okay, a DCM, right? So at least he's got a training and I know that he's got a training. So

when I go in there and I'm like, hey, I'm having some headaches, my back hurts and then pop pop and talk about things I'm addicted to. I am addicted to the chiropractor Like I just love that feel like I went to a chiropractor for a while I Remember in Nashville the first chiropractor I went to was one of these guys that would use what they call an activator gun And he would just like it basically you like wind it up a little bit and he'll find like a nerve and then shoot it like it hit a button and like this isn't what I'm here for I'm not here for you to use some little thing to like pop me and

shit I'm here for you to make me fearful that you're about to break my neck I want you to adjust me and like wrap my neck around to the point that I feel it all the way down to my toes that's when it's the good shit. I'm addicted to that. That's just like my thing. I don't even know how I started going to chiropractors, but I did. I don't know if my dad told me about it. A chiropractor seems like something my dad would be petrified of, so I don't know if my dad told me about it or who, but chiropractors. I'm addicted to the chiropractor, right? But I don't have insurance anymore, so it cost me 55 bucks every time I go to the chiropractor. Now, that makes me feel lovely and he does the, you know, you do the crack.

Yeah, sometimes I have you lay on these little tables that have this roller ball in them and that feels nice. It hurts, but it feels nice. But you get on the bed there and homeboy like, let me tell you something, guys. You can talk about sex. You can talk about drugs like that like I've never shot heroin I can imagine it's fucking phenomenal because you see the people get hooked on it like on drugs Inc and shit like I can only imagine that that feels fucking amazing

like it killed Nikki six a couple times they had to come back from the dead kick-stop. Right so like I can imagine heroin is great. I remember the one time that I took three hydrocodone because I didn't really know what hydrocodone was and a doctor prescribed it. I took three hydrocodone and I was in heaven. Like I basically fell asleep really fast. But like I remember sitting there like holy shit. This is the most incredible feeling ever. And I

knew that I didn't want to do that again because that's something you can get hooked on and you're chasing that same euphoria like every now and then I'd have some some hydrocodone and I might take two of them. I'm like it didn't even feel anything like it to felt when I took the three and I know that I don't want to do that because if I do I'm going to get hooked on this shit, right? So you got shit like that where people are, you know addicted to things like heroin or drug, other drugs or

whatever and that euphoria they feel when they get that hit, right? Like, I don't know if it's the endorphin release or whatever, but the high I get when a chiropractor cracks my neck is something that I cannot explain to you. Like it is like, it's like this release of all this tension and everything. Like you could talk about sex, all this shit that you'd think really, if you said Josh, you could have sex every day for the rest of your life, or you can go to the

chiropractor every day, cost free and have homeboy work on you for like 15 minutes, 100%. You say you can't have sex ever again, but you can go to the chiropractor every day, no cost. I'd say chiropractor all fucking day because I just love the chiropractor. I went to a guy in Philly and this guy gave me the works. When I tell you, like I'd go in there, like, and he finished off with a handjob. It was real interesting. It was the best of both worlds. No, but I would go in and this dude would go so far as to

like adjusting my jaw. He put on rubber gloves and he put his hand in my mouth and adjust my jaw and my wrists and my elbows and I'm like this is living man, but I love going to the chiropractor and I don't know if any of you experience the same thing. I experience when you go to the chiro but when the dude and maybe he's doing it wrong, and I don't know if any of you experience the same thing I experience when you go to the chiro. But when the dude and maybe he's doing it wrong but I don't know. But when he adjusts me and I feel something shoot all the way down my spine into my toes

it's like holy shit. I need a cigarette like it's that fucking good right. But it cost me fifty five bucks to go to the chiropractor. It cost me a whopping fifteen15 to sit in the massage chair for 20 minutes and I'm like, I feel like I'm getting more out of this. I'm getting more bang for my buck at the mall going to see the Asians. So I think I'm going to have to skip out on going to the Cairo now and dedicate my allotment of funds for the Cairo to the nice Asian gentlemen in the mall. I fucking love it, man.

But I like and I'm sure there's I haven't really looked. I'm sure that there are little framed certificates on the wall that signal that these folks are like legitimate massage people. I'd imagine you'd have to but I've never looked for them and I've never seen them but I've also never lacked trust in these people. I just assume they know what they're doing. Like there was a guy at the one in Houston and when he was done rubbing he would just like crack my back.

I'm like I don't even know that you're certified to do that, but I accept you doing this. Why do I accept you doing this? I don't know, but I just do. There's something about you, man. Like I just trust you. Like I don't know what it is, but there's like a five and a half foot tall Asian guy punching me in the back I have no idea if he's legit certified to do any of this shit I have no idea if that little sign that's out in front that gives you the diagram of the foot because I would imagine reflexology is all just kind of like you know I don't know hogwash like voodoo right like like there's no scientific data that backs up chiropractic

right? Like doctors don't recognize chiropractic do they? It's just kind of like which doctor shit? I think it's kind of the same thing with reflexology. Like is there any proof that like the diagram of the foot in reflexology is like well if you hit this one little quadrant of the foot that means your prostate's gonna feel better. Like I have no fucking clue, but I trust it. I see the sign. It looks official. They don't speak any English to me. So I have no idea what they're saying.

I just assume they're there to take care of my feces. And then they do. And it's fucking phenomenal. I hadn't had that rush in a while, but I saw those guys there. And like all the, it's funny. They must go to a class because they do all the same shit. It doesn't matter where you are the Asian massage place in

the mall does the exact same shit you sit down soundtrack is the exact same right little bit of water kind of babbling little babbling brook over in the corner like that, you know, and then like a little song and you think you know the song because you've heard it a thousand times. There's no lyrics. It's just like fucking pan flutes and, and then like a little song and you think you know the song because you've heard it a thousand times. There's no lyrics. It's just like fucking pan flutes and shit and then you're you lay there and like you're getting your head rubbed and everything and then like the

other person does the move. You've heard me tell it. It's it's a typical move. It's the way they upsell you guys slides over while one dudes rubbing your back. The other person slides over on that little stool and you feel his hot fucking breath man in your on your ear and he's like you uh you like the massage huh? I'm like yes I love the massage thank you and like somehow these are the only words of English they know like they only know English when they're upselling you on shit they're amazing salesmen and massage feel good huh? I'm like yeah it feels phenomenal brother you guys

are great and he goes and then he starts rubbing my arm he's like you like the the arm massage too I'm like yeah man that's fucking killer my arms have been hurting me man he's like you know 10.10 that 10 dollar and I'm like fuck it let's do it and then I've got like three people working on me like I'm a NASCAR at a pit stop. Like I got one dude doing the tires. One dude's putting gas in one dude's you all this shit. I'm like, it's fucking amazing. God, it's the best. It's wild to me to think that I used to make so much money when I was in Houston that every single day I would

go over there and spend at least $50 and then early on I was getting gym massages to eventually he didn't want them anymore, but Jim's kind of a pussy as it relates to the massage then like we must have looked like the weirdest fucking gay couple ever because I'd go in there and I'd get massaged and then Jim would just sit in the chair in there while I got massaged and look at his phone like we must have looked like some weird fucking couple either Either way, I'm

just glad to know that the Asians are here in St. Louis as well. I wish I would have discovered this earlier. We're going to be moving soon, so I gotta take advantage of this, but and they're not at every mall here, just at the Galleria. What a moment it was and this Galleria has a Sabaro. So, you got Sabaro and foot massages. What a life we're living, man.