The Josh Innes Show - Ruining Movies From Our Childhood

Episode Date: October 15, 2024

After watching the Jets/Bills game, Texans fans shouldn't be scared of either one of these teams. Today is the anniversary of "Little Giants" hitting the big screen. This leads to a lengthy discussion of movies from our childhood and how those movies would be different in 2024. This discussion ruins most of these movies. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Howdy, jamokes! Welcome in. Josh and Jilly just watched a little Monday Night Football. Good to see Aaron Rodgers lose again. I don't know why I've become one of these people that dislikes Aaron Rodgers so much. I just do, so it's fun. Had a couple of bets that hit, a couple that didn't hit tonight.

Some were heartbreakers. Jilly, what did yours miss by? Josh Allen's rushing yards. Ah, god damn it. Let me tell you another thing. So if you listen to the podcast at all, you heard Jilly say that Aaron Rodgers was going to throw for 300 today and two touchdowns. It was damn close. He threw for 296 and two touchdowns and threw a pick at the end of the game.

And they had a screen pass that ended up being called for a hold that would have gotten over the 300 yards. I don't know what the value would have been. I should have looked it up today. But for him to throw for 300 would have been ginormous on its own just because his number was 213.5, which I hit on that, and I hit barely. It seemed like it was going to be a layup, but I got the 500 combined yards between the two quarterbacks today as well, so that worked out pretty well.

I also had Brees Hall for a touchdown, and it didn't happen. I had the, oh, let me tell you about a ball buster, and then we'll get into some other shit. But I took the field goal bet for the distance on the field goals. It was 131.5 yards. I ended up missing it by 54 yards. There were also, by my calculations, three missed field goals or four missed field goals.

If you're going to get like seven field goal attempts in a game, you feel pretty good about getting the distance on those field goals. I love that bet. It's on DraftKings. I enjoy that thoroughly. Fun shit like that, I really enjoy. I missed it because these sons of bitches can't drill. If they would have made two of those short kicks that missed, multiple balls hit the damn upright. I believe that there were three or four misses. Either way, I lost that one. That one sucked.

But it is what it is. Also, speaking of sucks, I think Buffalo sucks and the Jets suck. And I point this out because I look at things from the standpoint of somebody who roots for the Texans, and I root for the Saints, but let's be real. We're fitting to fire the coach because we're going to lose to the old coach, and by Friday we may not have a coach. Like the defensive coordinator, the offensive, Clint Kubiak may be the head coach before it's all said and done. Don't ever fire him, though, because they'll be like, oh, Derek Carr was hurt.

It's not his fault. Look, I hope all said and done. I'll never fire him, though, because I'll be like, oh, Derek Carr was hurt. It's not his fault. Look, I hope you're fucking wrong. They'll probably whack him. I mean, and I talked about this a little bit earlier today. I'm not a big believer that, like, this is some big game against Sean Payton because it's not like the Saints fired Sean Payton. He left. He said, I'm retiring to go do whatever.

And then a year later, takes another job. But it's not like a big revenge game for Sean Payton he left so it was his choice I think the Saints would have kept him forever if they could so uh but but I do think there's still some sort of juice about that it being his you know return and losing to Sean Payton would be a bad look for Tennessee by the way I saw a statistic and I don't remember it exactly, but I want to say that there's a certain number of games, like there's a certain number of coaches who've coached a certain number of games in the NFL. And this might not be the exact number, but I think that there is like 140 something NFL head coaches who've coached at least like

70 something games, whatever the number of games Dennis Allen has coached there's been 100 I think 148 or 146 coaches in NFL history who have coached that many games Dennis Allen is like number 144 in winning percentage out of those like he's terrible um and uh he sucks but anyway this isn't about Dennis Allen again. I just don't think the bills are very good. And then the jets are clearly not very good. And I bring this up from a Texan standpoint here. Like, who are you afraid of in the AFC?

Like the chiefs, I get it. Right. You look at the chiefs and you go, okay, they got Pat Mahomes. I got Andy Reed. They keep finding ways to be undefeated despite the fact. They lose key players. Until proven otherwise, until dethroned, they are the gold standard, right? But you might lose to the Ravens, but you're not afraid of the Ravens.

If we're just looking straight up AFC, who are you afraid of? I don't even think you're afraid of the Chiefs. They beat you probably. I don't think that maybe the Texans aren't ready for that yet. I think the two teams you just mentioned, those are the two, and they play both of them in the regular season, so that'll be interesting to see. But, I mean, outside of the Chiefs and the Ravens, I don't know who you really are intimidated by. I don't even think they'd be intimidated by the Ravens. I'm not.

As a fan, is that game going to be at home or at Baltimore? It's at home on Christmas Day. Okay, so look, I think at home late in the season. I don't think they're going to be intimidated by anybody, but I do think there are teams that it's kind of like Jordan when Jordan had to get past the Celtics eventually.

You've got to kind of do that to make your move. And we're still very early in the Texans process, mind you, as well. I mean, this is year two of C.J. Stroud. And some said they were ahead of schedule last year. Well, fun fact, they're five and one this year. And they won 10 games last year. So they've been damn good with the combination of C.J. Stroud and D'Amico Ryans.

And it's fascinating how they've done this. But if you look at just the overall grand scheme in the AFC like the Dolphins being injured who knows what two is ever going to be again they expect him to play again but you look in this AFC East Buffalo is the team that scares you like could you lose a game to Aaron Rodgers I guess but like he's two and four so the Jets aren't really scary like the name Aaron Rodgers might still scare people doesn't scare my ass the Texans are better we play them on Halloween coming up too so look you're gonna get a shot to really see where you stand in the AFC like again I know what your record is but you still get a chance to face

Aaron Rodgers who again I think is washed anyway despite the 300 or 296 yards he had today I still don't believe he's very good um I think he's just old and dead and this or this team stinks and um you know you've played buffalo you beat buffalo and you beat buffalo not playing your best game you beat buffalo with your prime time deep threat missing half of the game so buffalo doesn't scare you and buffalo shouldn't scare anybody because buffalo keeps getting to the playoffs and keeps getting their ass beaten by fucking pat mahomes they're're bridesmaids. They don't scare me. I say this about Josh Allen all the time. By the definition of loser, he is a loser.

Probably a decent person, seemingly a nice guy. Fucks Haley Steinfeld, good for you. But I think that he is not a winner when it matters. Certain people are not winners when it matters. Dak Prescott's gone 12-5. The Cowboys have gone 12-5 three years in a row. But they get to the playoffs they lose home games to the Packers like they did last year not only lose home games get their asses kicked in home games in the playoffs so they are losers it's also a very down year for the Bengals seemingly so that's a nice little opening for you because starting the season you would have thought well they might be a problem

but they still may be like again they again, they're 2-4. They're not going to win that division, but you look around the AFC and you go, well, what teams can be the wild cards? I'd still say Cincinnati's scary because of Joe, because of Jamar. I guess they can heat up, too. That's kind of what they do.

Sure. So, like, if you had to play, honestly, if you said you could play a playoff game against Buffalo or Cincinnati, I'd probably be more afraid of Cincinnati because I think they can do things to you that I don't think Buffalo can. Like, yes, Keon Coleman had a 50-yard catch against the Texans. But he's not Jamar Chase. And that was also a three-yard pass with a missed tackle that turned it into a 50-yard play. Jamar Chase can

beat you down the field. The Bengals can beat you down the field. I don't believe that's what you get out of Buffalo. Buffalo can nickel and dime you. I don't believe that's what you get out of Buffalo. Buffalo can nickel and dime you. I don't think they can do what really hurts the Texans, which is air it out deep. That's why I think this Packers game is a whole heap of trouble for the Texans this week, because I think the Texans, one of their great weaknesses,

is in the back end defending deep balls like that. And I think you're going to see some potentially big time throws being made by Jordan love. Speaking of Joe burrow, I just realized that we were drunk last night and I forgot that, um, I actually only missed this parlay in that horrible Sunday night football game by Joe,

not throwing two touchdown passes. Shit. Yeah. Look at that. Leg one, two, three, four out of five.

Look at that shit. And I missed one today that would have won $400 by Tyler Conklin, who had like six catches last week. He's had like three or four good games in a row. He needed three catches for me to hit a parlay. He had two. So that was a loss for me tonight as well, a damn near hit. Very disappointing. we're very

upset by this yeah now i just look back at my damn like you know settled bets from yesterday i see all those touchdown ones again sadness has returned well as we said it's impressive like again i know we're potting but like this is ridiculous check check check check x check that's one check x check check that's two check check check x three check check, check, check. That's two. Check, check, check, X, three. Check, check, X, check, check, check, check. Yeah. I mean, this is like 12 of 15 checks. Yeah, but no victories.

That's why I said next time we're doing a drunk Sunday pod, I'm going to send you like 50 bucks and just have you put five or $10 bets on plays, just like single plays that you like, and we'll see what happens. Okay, that's going fun social experiment well we'll see but um we'll see if you hit those i mean you should win at least one or two of them and break even that'll be the week you go oh for that week um but yeah so uh but as you look at the afc like i would be more afraid of cincinnati than i would be of the Bills. And I think Cincinnati very well is going to get in.

You look around the AFC, I think that the Steelers are eventually going to fade. They don't scare me at all with their quarterback situation. They're just kind of surviving. I mean, great, you beat the Raiders. The Raiders had Aiden O'Connell. You lost to the Cowboys, who, by the way, in their three home games have been outscored by like 100 points. I think it's like 119 to 53, I think, is what they've been outscored in their three home games. You just happen to catch them in a game that they won.

By the way, the Cowboys' three wins have come against Daniel Jones, Deshaun Watson, and Justin Field. So the Cowboys stink. So you just start looking through it like the Steel Steelers don't scare me the Browns obviously don't scare me the Ravens are a team that obviously should be considered ahead of you but I think you could beat them I think they're gettable they could also hit you with some explosives as well Buffalo doesn't scare me like if they matched up in the playoffs even if they had to go to Buffalo I'd say look I got Stroud. I got D'Amico Ryan. Let's fucking go.

Hopefully a healthy Nico Collins. Let's fucking go. They don't scare me. Colts are a team that could get in. They're the only team in the AFC South, I think, that just record-wise at least has a chance. And you've got a chance against them in two weeks. So it'll be a big game for them because they're probably winning this weekend.

Tell me who the Colts play. I forgot who they play this weekend. I think they play the Jags. Do they play the Jags in London or no? No, that's the Patriots. The Colts host the Dolphins. Okay, they're going to beat the Dolphins. Okay.

So they're going to beat the Dolphins, and they're going to be 4-3. If you lose this game this weekend, you're 5-2. So you're essentially having a first place game coming to town that's what I'm saying so and I think that's I don't I'm not I look I think that the Colts are going to beat the Dolphins the Dolphins are terrible without Tua if they don't win that's a disgrace they're going to win that game so when they win that game I think that I feel like is a guarantee they're winning the not so guarantee is what happens with the Texans I could see a scenario where the Texans go win that game this weekend it's not impossible

it's not like the the Packers are world beaters but they do certain things that I think are to your disadvantage and as I said I think they're going to be able to stretch the field vertically which as we've seen this year when the Texans have given up, but their weakness is giving up huge plays. I think data backs that up, at least as of last week. I haven't looked at the updated numbers now, but the Texans, I believe, lead the league in 40-plus yard plays given up. That's a big number, too. And then 20-plus yard plays there also have given up a ton of those. The Packers, and I would have to look at the data to see this, they feel like a team that can go out and put up big plays. I've watched them do it.

I don't know what the overall number of big plays they've made is. They're a team that can do that. So I think you're in a position now where this could be a game where you're having to get into a shootout, and you're missing your greatest weapon in a game that would be a shootout. Look, I think I'm almost talking myself into them losing this weekend on the road, getting ready for the Colts big division game next week. That could be for a share of first place. I mean, you're going to split with them. If you lose that game, you're both five and three.

If you lose that game Colts season kind of hinges on these next two weeks if the Texans win the next two games and they are seven and one at that point and the Colts have four losses you've won the division if you lose these next two weeks and they win it's a race and I didn't expect it to be a race and then you're looking at a race so um I think they're losing this weekend I don't know what the line is in this game I'm gonna assume the Texans are slight underdogs, maybe a field goal underdog, maybe two, maybe one. I mean, look, there's not a huge difference between these two teams. They're a dog.

All right, so they're a two-and-a-half point dog. I think you're looking at a scenario where we see a loss, and this is the first time I think I've called a loss for them. They're going to lose this weekend. As of right now, that's where my mind is on them because they're going to be giving up just, I think there's going to be big play, big play, big play, big play. So a loss there puts you at five and two.

Colts should win. So at that point, they're four and three. It's a one-game difference. Basically, they're only a three-and-a-half point favorite. Yeah, because they're not good. But the Dolphins are fucking awful. The Dolphins are really bad. And I'm going to go out on a limb and say we're going to keep getting,

what's his name? Who's the quarterback? They did announce that Tua is going to start practicing again soon. He's going to play this season. They just don't know when. Yeah. Can I tell you something that's pissing me off really quick? So we've got SportsCenter on in the background and they're showing the Yankees highlights, Yankees and the Guard Indians

ALCS highlights. Every time they show a highlight, the next thing they do is show fucking Taylor Swift and her reaction to the fucking play. Like I don't give a shit. Like it's one thing when her boyfriend's playing football and they show her on TV. I don't give a shit about Taylor Swift at the fucking baseball game. I just don't care. It's one thing if they showed on the television broadcast because they're probably like, oh boy, we can maybe we probably got some... This is big for MLB guys. It is, sadly.

I guarantee you they got extra eyeballs from these weird psychotic people that are obsessed with Taylor Swift. But why do you have to show the Taylor Swift clips on SportsCenter? Like you're not trying to draw audience to this baseball game. This game was on TBS anyway. So what the fuck are you doing? Stupid. I just look, I'm not one of these people. Like I get why they show her on the games and I'm annoyed by it, but it is what it is. But showing it on SportsCenter here. Also, who the hell is she rooting for?

Aren't the Kelsey's Ohio people? Are they rooting for the Guard Indians, I would imagine? I don't know. I think he is, but I think she may be rooting for the Yankees because, you know, she's New York. Welcome to New York. We've been waiting for you, she says. Or perhaps it's a situation where um where um she's just rooting for sports i just enjoy them though because like no humans do this like pda out the ass like the whole time

they're sitting up there she's got his arm around him like they're holding hands they're high-fiving then holding hands like people don't do that like that's not real behavior in fact i find myself annoyed even like when it's not taylor swift and travis kelsey who are ridiculous with their pda like i forgot where we were this weekend might have been at the liquor store i don't know but i saw two people holding hands walking into the liquor store i'm like where the fuck do you need to hold hands you're going to the fucking liquor store like stop like it's i'm weirded out by people who hold hands in public. And I view men who are holding hands in public to be extremely emasculated. And I say that as someone who listens to Air Supply. Like, I don't understand, like, first of all, why is that what's required to show your affection for someone? Like, fucking holding goddamn hands. There's nothing lamer than holding hands and watching a grown man and a grown woman holding hands, walking into the liquor store. And it's one thing if you're like on a romantic date and you're like walking along the Riverside or something, and it's a romantic night for you

and it's your anniversary and you're trying to get laid. If it's a Tuesday and it's noon and you're holding hands going into the total wine, you're broken. Also, do you think like there was some sort of waiver that Yankee Stadium had a sign that says we will not put Taylor and Travis on the Kiss Cam? But as much as they love the PDA, that's something that would piss them off, right? You would think.

Because they want to make it look like, oh, the camera just caught us on TV holding hands with our arms around each other. You usually have to pay to get us on your your kiss cam or she seems like the kind that wouldn't understand the concept of the kiss cam and would only think they put it on them and only them and then it was like violating their privacy her fans certainly would think that well her fans are are 30 year old women who have the brain of an 11 year old child so i would imagine they would feel that way. You know,

speaking of children. So today is the anniversary of the release. It's the 30 year anniversary of the release of one of the greatest football movies of all time, a football movie that showed you that the underdog can win. It showed you that you could stand up to the bullies. It showed that you can take a rag tag bunch and turn them into winners. And that film is called Little Fucking Giants. 30-year anniversary for the Icebox.

Great film. Great film. Junior Floyd, the Icebox, Danny and Kevin O'Shea, Spike Don't Play With Girls. Fucking right. You got John Madden rolling in with Bruce Smith and Emmett Smith. They roll into town try to teach the kids how to play annexation of puerto rico boom do you think they'll remake little giants now but like the icebox would be like a trans woman yep trans child i think that

would be very topical right now yes and then it would be a if it was really trying to go deep what they would do is like it would be a girl who transitioned into a boy yeah correct but my point is though that well really it should actually be the other way around and here's why so it'd be a boy that transitions into a girl and he tries to play and like you know the girls league and the other girls are like they're uh transphobic and they're like nope we won't play against you and they're considered evil they're like we'd rather forfeit and that's just how the movie would end. They just wouldn't play the game. And it'd be like, don't be transphobic.

And Ed O'Neill's character, man, he'd probably hurl some slurs. Oh, no doubt. Yeah. It'd be, yeah, Little Giants. 2024, Little Giants. The game would never happen because the other team would be like, we're not playing against a transgender. And they'd be like, fine, we forfeit. End of end of little giants yeah yeah that's that's what we would get yep so i think i want you guys to appreciate what we had as children and young people when we got to watch

movies before people were cognizant of what's offensive because now everybody's super cognizant of what's offensive and you don't get fun shit. Back in our day, you could still score some fun stuff because people didn't really give a shit. Like you go back and watch some of these movies, you're like, how the fuck did this movie get made? Or how did this scene or how did this line get into this movie? You know, I go back to the 70s. Look at Tanner and Bad News Bears. That guy used every racial slur possible.

Like, you go back and watch that, and you're like, there ain't no way they're doing that today. I mean, hell, 20 years ago, they remade Bad News Bears, and it was fine. They didn't use any of the language that was in the first fucking one. So we were fortunate to get to live in a world where people had no concept of what would offend people. So we just kind of went with it. And we got to see some quality children's sports films from it too you know you play ball like a girl little uh from the can't say that now nope sandlot you couldn't do it the sandlot couldn't be made remember they made like a weird sequel to it uh with a girl like they played with a girl or whatever but no one

gives a shit about the uh the kicking and screaming with ditka and the italians and whatnot yeah you probably couldn't do that either that was only like 20 years ago you couldn't it feels weird that that was almost 20 years ago i think it was 20 years ago um you know you couldn't do that i mean there's so many of these movies you know that you couldn't do things used to be simpler like gus he was just a fucking donkey that kicked field goals yeah but you can't do that anymore. You can't have fun. Fun is outlet. Everything's got to have a message, you know?

God, imagine what hardball would have been like now. I mean, maybe it wouldn't have been all that different. Well, no, you know what would have happened? Gbaby would have got plugged by a cop. Oh, totally. Yeah, like in hardball, spoiler alert, Gbaby ends up being like friendly, not friendly fire. He just caught like a stray when him and his brother were leaving a ballgame after G-Baby.

We didn't know this at the time, but G-Baby had gotten the big hit and he's celebrating and everything. And it's the greatest moment ever for the Cucumbas or whatever the hell they were called. And it was this great moment. But what happened was G-Baby on his way home, gang violence drive by. He catches a stray and dies. In 2024, it would be like cop shoots G-Baby because he mistakes a Baby Ruth bar for a gun or something and kills little G-Baby. And then there's like a protest. I think that would be 2024 hardball.

I also feel like Mighty Ducks would never have happened because they would not have sentenced Gordon Bombay to, you know, after drunk driving to be around a bunch of kids. He would have gone to rehab. He would have been, like, forced to AA and, like, you know, rehab and stuff like that and then he would have never met those kids. Probably not. I mean, like, think about how most of these Disney movies of our

youth started. It was, like, with great tragedy, like, Bambi's mom getting plugged. There was always somebody dying, like Simba. What Bambi's mom getting plugged there was always somebody dying like Simba what was his dad's name Mufasa he died you know everything was like like this great tragic moment that that started the movie and then you look at the Mighty Ducks and you're like our coach is a drunk that shows up like the coach would never be a drunk girls on the team though that was very progressive it was um connie was that her name was connie that had the brother the little red-haired brother from pete and pete he was uh there i think they

only had one girl they had two girls on the original team i think and then julie the cat she came in in part two and then she eventually usurped uh uh mr goldberg she stole the job from goldberg for a while and then they brought her in a weird move. Spoiler alert again. They brought her in to face the last shooter in the shootout for the Junior Goodwill Games Championship. He's like, go get them, cat lady. And then she goes in. She counts the deke.

One. That's two. And then somehow it takes 40 seconds for us to notice if the goal went in or not. Like, there's this long pause. Like, no one see the, like, you can see if a puck goes in the fucking net or not. But there was this long pause. And then she flips the puck into the air. And the Team USA, a.k.a. the Mighty Ducks, they won their, the Junior Goodwill Games.

But none of that would have happened. Because Gordon Bombay would not have been around those kids. Nope, right that's that's very you know another thing that's if he was somehow around those kids the parents would have protested that's true that's true unless he was a big like biden supporter a left-wing person they would be like why are you judging this person like this oh no you know what bombay would be actually he'd be like an illegal alien who comes in and saves the day they'd be like see illegal aliens can do stuff now and you're gonna have to learn to deal with that that would probably be the plot of the new mighty ducks or like the whole team would be a ragtag bunch of illegal immigrants children i think that would be the new mighty ducks

speaking of mighty ducks and gordon bomb, decidedly not a good human. We've discovered this. There's basically nothing good about this guy. But the thing that's interesting is he was banging Charlie's mom and then a chance to be a good hockey player again, which apparently you can go from being just a fall down drunk lawyer to like somehow bouncing back and being able to play professional hockey. And he was almost going to the pros again. But if you remember the beginning of the second Mighty Ducks, he rolls in on the bus, it's raining. And we never hear from Charlie's mom again. Like that dude just dropped that bitch. He's like, yeah, it was nice fucking you but um i think i'm

gonna move on because i'm i think i'm going pro again and there's gonna be tons of like ahl pussy being thrown my way and uh i just don't have time for you guys anymore yet it didn't seem to bother charlie he never brought it up really like i think there might have been a part where he asks about the mom in the second one maybe but like there's no it's just really like oh she's good yeah and charlie's not like hey asshole why did you fuck my mom and leave us like all the others instead he's like oh shit coach bombay is back and he wants to we're getting the ducks back together here's a duck call horn thing everybody get on your rollerblades and toot the duck call and let's get the band back together instead of like I wanted a serious conversation between Charlie and Gordon Bombay I wanted him to sit down and go listen

I'll play for you you need as angry as Charlie would get about everything yeah that was the one thing he's like that's cool let me tell you something winning changes my perspective so like if we were still a loser bunch should be one thing but we came back and we won this shit we're champions now i want to keep this gravy train rolling sorry i get that you fucked my mom and you dumped us you told her you loved her probably if i had to guess and now you think you're big shit and you can just leave us but man i really want to play some hockey seeing again in this day and age like what would happen is like the swerve would be we would find out that charlie's mom was actually on only fans no i think the swerve well it wouldn't be a swerve it would start with charlie has two moms that's how it would start and uh like he was born of a you know like to like some you know

he was put up for adoption by somebody and was adopted by two loving lesbian women and uh and that makes him better than all of us of course and then he uh and then then the swerve would come in at the end of it i agree with you that there would be a swerve and then we find oh oh you know what else would happen which would make him an even more evil person is that i think gordon bombay would be like hardcore maga guy but then by the end of it he sees the error of his ways and he no longer drinks and he's no longer mega he does smoke pot because everybody smokes pot now and it's acceptable he does smoke the reefer but he doesn't get lit on on on alcoholic beverages and he's a big trumper so like

one of the kids would have come to him and said like coach i think i like boys and then he would have just benched him like if adam uh banks was in fact a quote cake eater which who knows what that even is but i'm gonna guess it's something about his sexuality so if in fact he was a cake eater to quote the movie a cake means butthole of another man and then he he you know confided in gordon bombay yeah and gordon was just like go back to the fucking hawks no actually here's what would actually happen so gordon would be like okay whatever that's fine but then he would gradually start benching him and people would start to speculate on the hockey message boards as to why he did and then when it

gets out that adam banks cake eater is actually you know tongue punching the fart box of other men he'd be like you know that gordon bombay who's who's super uh asshole benched him and then they start digging up a little bit and we find out gordon bombay was at january 6th and he tweeted a slur he did now it was they went back to twitter like 15 years playing for the hawks yeah so when gordon bombay was a young boy playing for the hawks so when gordon bombay was a young boy playing for the hawks uh he tweeted the lyrics to uh paris by uh by jc and kanye and it was not edited there were no little stars over the eye he said the whole thing and now they've unearthed it it would have to be a song like i'm trying to think of a song now that has like the the f slur in it because it's fitting with

this plot it would have to be an anti-gay for some reason he uh tweeted the lyrics to money for nothing and chicks for free exactly where the f slurs featured in there we don't know why so probably some boosie song has it if i had to guess uh but uh yeah and that would be a hell and but at the end of it like no he tweeted the lyrics to my name is by eminem ah solid they're like well that's not acceptable because you have a a child on the team here that is that is gay and he confided in you and then by the end of it though everything works out and he votes for kamala and gets a sex change so um mighty ducks i also think the big green was an underrated kid sports movie.

Oh, Big Green fucked. It was like soccer Mighty Ducks. And it had, by the way, speaking of that, so Steve Guttenberg, who plays Deputy Doug or whatever his name was, they called him Deputy Dog or whatever they called him, but he was the sheriff in the small town. Elma was the name of the small town.

And he, dude dude so i follow steve gutenberg on instagram and he seems like the nicest person ever just everything is a positive upbeat little message and he's super nice and i'm like good for steve gutenberg because he's people kind of make fun of him because you know he was 80s dude and he was in uh you know the police academies and three men and a baby and three men a little lady and the big green and then like you just didn't see steve gutenberg much anymore well i think if we're reimagining movies now right to the 2024 woke version which is one of our favorite things to do obviously deputy dog would have probably been banished to this small town after plugging somebody. Yeah. Or he'd be facing a charge in the small town. Ah.

But he would get away. No, he'd get away with it because it's a small town. And it's kind of like the night the lights went out in Georgia. It's like, you know, the judge in the town's got bloodstains on his hands. And all these kids are trying to figure out, like, why the cop got away with, like, you know, killing some minority kid or something. Today on a very special Big Green. You're not going to believe it, but then Kyle Rittenhouse scored the winning goal.

What a turn of events this is. I'll be darned. Yeah. That's the new Big Green. That's 2024 super woke Big Green is what that is so but Big Green is good it had the the sister from um the Wonder Years on there and she was hot she was pretty hot for that era she's one I remember being hot Olivia Diabu or Dabu or Dabo D apostrophe A B O or whatever the hell her name was she was on the Wonder Years that was a solid show um big green though and

then they did the soccer and uh you know pita would not have let fly with the cheeto scene remember where they are like laying down there and they cheetos and the birds because i don't think you can feed birds cheetos i think that's probably problematic and they'd have an issue with that goat because there's just a goat and they're like you can't have a goat here you're seeing the goat that's that's violating the goat yeah so you couldn't do that yeah the thing is our childhood would have been ruined if it was in 2024 i was talking to a friend of mine today who's got young kids and he's like i don't know like i don't know if my kids are you know how they're gonna grow up i'm like they're gonna grow up shittily because they live in this era and uh and like i would i wouldn't want to be a kid growing

up in this era like just like basically in your, you've already been told you're a piece of shit. And, like, you've got the internet, so there's a bunch of evil, vile things that you're going to have said about you and you're going to say about other shit. I wouldn't want to be a goddamn kid in this era. Hell no. The movie's all way too much meaning. Yeah. How about we just have some frivolity here, you know? Why don't we just, you know, let the kids have some damn fun?

But we don't do that anymore. We don't allow kids to do fun things anymore we everything has to be serious everything has to have a damn message and that's no good and not everything has to have a message some things can just be frivolous you know like they'd go out they'd ruin three men and a baby it would be like two transgender women one full woman and an adopted asian baby yeah that would be accurate that would be what we would get there so you just like the the movies of our childhood which we just used to watch with just this wonderment like this kind of just like it didn't matter now everything has to have meaning behind it well problem child would have been sent to therapy moons ago oh totally like problem child um see that's a solid one like he's obviously a little monster but uh first of all

they would throw him on some adhd medication no they'd have him overly medicated they would send him to you know therapy no doubt and that would be there would be no problem child no they would they probably just like put him in a home although Although he did go to a home many times. Multiple families adopted old Junior and then brought him back to the orphanage. Also. The McAllisters would have been arrested. Well, the McAllisters should have been arrested. The McAllisters were negligent, terrible parents.

And I would argue that like they should be in jail. And also, I feel like Kevin McAllister would be dead. Because what kind of robbers don't have a gun? Correct. Totally. And what kind of robbers can be thwarted by slingshots and marbles? You know what I'm saying? He didn't even set legit booby traps like Nancy in Nightmare on Elm Street who

had the thing where Freddy pulls on the light and it lights him on fire. I guess he kind of had those. But back to the McAllister parents. I'll forgive you once leaving the kid. You got like 400 kids and you live in this mansion and the whole family's there. I'll forgive you once for forgetting the kid. And I'll say, you know what?

Bygones be bygones. You forget the little shit twice, you're going to jail. The McAllisters, both the mom and the dad, need to be in jail. Not just jail, prison, where bad shit happens. Prison. And they should be, and he should be living with Uncle Frank. Yeah, I think you're right. Or maybe

the uncle that was in New York or the cousin who lived in New York whose house he tried to go to. The remodeling house? Yeah, he should go live with them. Or the pigeon lady. Or with Buzz. He should have to really learn the hard way and have to be raised by Buzz. And his girlfriend, Woof. He should have to be raised by them.

Once Buzz, that should have been the Home Alone 3. Should have been the parents are in jail for abandoning their children or their child twice. He's obviously treated shittily. He wanted a cheese pizza just for himself. That cocksucker buzz ate the whole thing the only way he was going to get any of his he barfed it up that shithead puller uh puller fuller ate drank all the fucking pepsi like like the they're lucky he didn't shoot up a fucking school the way he was treated also buzz definitely at january 6th 100

oh buzz buzz was 100 like one of these dudes wearing like buffalo hats and animal furs and painted faces. What do they call him? The shaman guy? Yeah, that was Buzz. Buzz McAllister ended up at... There was two things that was going to be Buzz.

Well, here's what I think Buzz grew up to be. I think Buzz grew up to be one of those like small town cops who was a bully in high school and continued to be a bully as a cop and like planted drugs on people's cars and shit bad cops oh well oh a shitty cop living in kind of like a like a suburb of chicago you know but like a shitty suburb of chicago and like he's a dickhead and then he ended up at january 6th buzz no doubt ended up at january 6th but so so this is i'm enjoying this conversation far more than i should so so the mcallister parents are in jail and they found a manifesto

from kevin you're right oh no they're lucky. Like, if you think about the way this little bastard was treated, parents fucking hated him, right? Whole family hated him. His brother ate his fucking pizza. His fucking cousin drank all the sody pop and pissed the bed. He got bullied by that choir. Oh, yeah. It's not like he had friends at school.

But that was also coming from his shithead brother that kind of started the whole thing, even though he was crushing that fucking solo. I didn't see Kevin have any friends that he could go to their house when he was home alone. Did you? No.

This is true. No friends. He's a loner. Yeah. Hey, Home Alone 3 shot up the school. That's actually, like, they had to stop it. They had to thwart this. He made that little blueprint

with all the booby traps, right? He's probably got a manifesto or two. No doubt. And if we found out that he was a transgender kid, they'll never read us the manifesto. But if he's just an angry white kid, they'll read us the entire manifesto

on the news. If we find out that Kevin is an angry, disenfranchised, white, trumpered 12-year-old who has a Trumpy bear. Ooh! Instead of meeting, like, the pigeon lady in New York, he would end up befriending the

my pillow guy. So it wouldn't be a homeless bird or pigeon lady in Central Park. He runs into to James Woods. No, I would say that he does still run into a homeless person, but that homeless person needs to be saved with the Narcan and he breaks the box and saves the day. Yes, that's what I think. homeless person needs to be saved with the Narcan and he breaks the box and saves the day. Yes. That's what I think. And then he gets the turtle dove for saving the homeless drug addicts life.

You see. And then we also find out that the guy that runs the toy store, Duncan's toy chest, that Duncan did learn. Oh yeah. We find out like he invites him. He's like, Hey,

Hey fella, why don't you come over to my house for Christmas? And he's like, okay, Mr. Duncan. He's like, I got all the toys.

And then the toys he have are like diddy toys, you know, like giant 11 inch dildos and baby oil. He was in on it with the wet bandits to like collect insurance money. Yeah. That's it. Boy, this is deep. That's it. Boy, this is deep.

This is some deep shit, but there's no doubt just to rewind this whole thing. The McAllister parents should be in jail. And if not in jail, they should have at least had their child taken away from them. But that was, that was parenting back then though. Like my dad to teach me a lesson once when I said I didn't want to go

anywhere with him and my mom said, good, stay at home by yourself. We'll leave you here. I was like five years old. Like instantly, I'm like, what the fuck? You left me. You weren't five. No way. I might have been. I don't know. Five, six. He just left my ass. Like he made a trip around the block. He didn't leave me there. Well, you made it sound like

he went to like Florida. He's like, fine, fuck you. No, but when I was six, 15, just left my ass at home when they went to disney world because i didn't want to go so that was like i remember like i was probably like five or six and i was like you know you see it on tv i'm gonna run away screw this right and i went and sat under the front porch like to hide so that nobody could find me and like make them think i ran away like they didn't come looking they didn't give a shit like bullshit parents back then didn't give two

fucks. If you said you were running away, they were like, all right, I'll see you. Yeah, exactly. Have fun. Never came, like never looked. I'll tell you one. So I was playing basketball when I was in middle school, I guess it was. I was probably like 12 or 13, like not a young kid, but like whatever.

So my dad was supposed to come pick me up at the community center. I was watching my buddies play basketball. Then we were going to shoot around. So they me up at the community center. I was watching my buddies play basketball. Then we were going to shoot around. So they ended up closing the community center early and I'm just stuck at this place by myself outside. My dad never showed up. And this was before cell phones, right? Never showed up to pick me up.

So I just start kind of walking. Like I'm, I'm miles away from home. I start walking. I have to call my dad's girlfriend at the time, Jody, to come. I, she like, like they couldn't find me. me because I'm like what do you want me to do just sit here the whole fucking time but that like that's how the world was like before cell phones like I remember I would go to games with my grandpa here in St. Louis and it would be like listen if we get uh separated just meet me at the Musial statue after the game and that's how it was

no one was concerned like it took forever for people to wonder if you were like you had to have been gone for days before anybody would be like I think he's missing like they wouldn't care like and to a degree I think the world might have been a better place that way you know like your parents are just like yeah fuck it you're you suck like like your parents openly hated you like you've ruined my life because most of them had you when they were like my parents had me when they were 19 you know so ah shit good times the world what a place it was it was quite a life was different i was talking to my buddy about that that's got young kids and because he was talking about how like you almost had to like earn your parents love and now like parents give way too much love.

And I think that there has to be an element of your life as a young kid where you almost feel like you're working to get your parents to love you. And I think a lot of kids don't know that today because kids have these overly doting parents now. My dad wasn't overly doting. I know my dad loves me. My parents today try to rationalize with a three-year-old. Back in our day, it was like, nope, you'll get smacked across the face. Let me tell you what rationalizing was with your parents back then. It was, all right, you have a decision to make. You can have the switch or I'll beat your ass with a belt.

Those are the options. You don't want to do this. You talk back, you get slapped across the face. That's exactly how shit worked. Not telling you that's the right way to do shit, but what i am telling you is that's the way it was so we would just get our asses whipped my mom would whip my ass all my stepmom and she for to this day claims that this didn't happen i was in high school and that woman slapped me in the face i mean she just hauled off and knocked my face and i was like shit i'm sorry like i was like i'm, I'm sorry. Like, I was like, I'm not going to. Hey, I didn't cross her again.

I know not to cross my stepmom. She fucking not. This isn't the Zeppelins we're talking about here. This is Jody. She slapped me right in the fucking face. And I can tell you, I never crossed that woman again. Fuck that. She's like, I was just being an asshole for some reason.

Pow. Right in the kisser. It's my brother's birthday tomorrow he's gonna be 24 yeah and I think he's 24 and I only know his birthday because he and I aren't like super close like we don't talk all that often I don't talk with my family all that often for whatever reason you talk with my family more than I do and now it's because my sister's a degenerate gambler she told me she won two parlays tonight she's's a degenerate. I've ruined her. That's the only wisdom I've ever been able to impart on my sisters.

Hey, go bet on sports. But my brother's 24 and I only remember his birthday is October 16th because he was born the night of game five of the National League Championship Series that the Cardinals lost and they lost that series four games

to one. And me and one of my best friends Tance we were supposed to be at the hospital when he was born the woman's hospital in Baton Rouge the old woman's hospital and my dad brought us up there he's like you stick around here because your brother's about to be born all right blah blah well there's like a Toys R Us like right next door so we stick around there probably not much longer after uh. He would have just went outside and got on the phone. Well, I've told you about, well, this is 2000, so the phone wasn't as big of a deal back then because I don't even think we had cell phones in 2000.

But so me and my buddy just left and went to Toys R Us. By the time we came back, my brother was born, and that was that. That's my story about the day my brother was born. My dad that you were talking to. Okay, then he had a pager, right? What did he do before a cell phone i honestly don't remember like he didn't have a pager i know that my dad was the first person i ever saw that had a um that had a uh like one of those car bag phones so he had one of those so i do recall that. But it sat there right in the middle console.

And it was in this kind of pleather bag. And the cord was super tangled. But my dad was the first person I remember having that. But I don't know when. I got my first cell phone, I guess, in 2002 when I was 16. A little Nokia action. Yeah, the Nokia 2. Yeah, so I had that.

2002, I guess. Same for me. Yeah. And I don't know that he had a cell phone before then. I really wonder what he did. I don't know what he did to pass. He just left, I guess. He just drove around.

Well, I told you the story and then we'll go. But I told you the story about when I graduated and he flew my whole family in. Everybody came to town for my big high school graduation, right? Big deal. Like my grandma Edna was there. My grandma Linda was there. May she rest in power. Same with grandma Edna was there. My grandma Linda was there. May she rest in power. Same with grandma Edna.

And everybody, my mom came to town. Everybody came to see me graduate from Brulee High School. Our graduating class had like 100 people in it maybe. Like, you know, they all come to town. After graduation's over, I'm taking pictures with some friends on the football field. And at the time I had a cell phone. This was 2005. And I call my dad.

I'm like hey where are you he goes well we already left and went to dinner but we'll see you back at home I'm like it was my graduation why am I not going to dinner with you people but like that's just how my dad is you know I was talking with him today for a little bit too on the phone I again here's our conversations I'll call him he'll go hey how's the job hunt i'll be like i haven't found anything yet then he'll list the 13 places he's going to be in order he's going to be there for these comic cons and then oh phone's ringing i gotta run john paul die yeah that's all it is that's all our shit is my dad is his dad basically so like i called him back today because he had called me a couple times last week and I didn't call back, so I called him.

He tells me a lengthy story about how he feels like he's getting fucked over by some people. I'm like, okay, cool. Again, it's got to be about him. He then works in a question about me just to show that he cares. Like, how's the job hunt? I'm like, it's doing fine. He's like, well, you'll find something. And then he tells me about how him and my brother got into a fight the other day

because my dad was telling him he probably needs to do more with his life. And then my brother like melted down on him. And then afterwards felt bad about it. And then like, he's all like, I'm so sorry. And then he goes on to list all the places he's going to be doing Comic-Cons. And for everything this man doesn't remember,

he remembers every single stop on his comic con well here josh we're gonna be in like beaumont texas doing blah blah blah then i gotta go to poplar bluff because we're doing something with the bellamy brothers josh you should come to poplar bluff to see the bellamy brothers your grandpa's gonna be there well as you know he's not gonna come out because he doesn't leave the house anymore but we can find out when john paul died i think you just have every time you talk to him now you just ask him dad when did john paul die dad john paul when did he die ongoing joke um yeah i don't yeah i know he always tells us to come to his event in poplar bluff i don't want to see like here's the thing and i have nothing against the people in my family

i just i just don't want to see them pop Poplar Bluff was kind of a, you know. Desolate. It's a desolate place. It wasn't great when we drove through on our way to, where are we going? Cape Girardeau. And Cape Girardeau far better than Poplar Bluff. I mean, we stopped there for literally 30 minutes

to have lunch. And it was good food at the little, the Hayden's place she took me to. But I would have no interest in staying the night there. No, neither would I. I almost feel like I'm obligated to try, but then Dad also said he's going to be here for like an hour before he goes to

Poplar Bluff doing all these things. We can just go say hi to him there. He's like, but you can see all your family. I'm like, Dad, you're not selling this well. Like, I don't want to. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, because then you've got to tell the story. Oh, so you're out of work things didn't work out at Casey huh oh yeah you're talented you'll find something yeah that's what I yeah I mean I appreciate what people say but I'm just like I don't care it's only up from

here it's every cliche in the world when you get fired that's how it goes yeah and I have no interest in having a way to town to stay unemployed for long bud and I think that my people and my family probably assume I have money. Like, they all try to hit my dad up for cash. Then they'll probably try to hit me up for cash. I'm like, I don't have any fucking money. All my money goes to Mr. FanDuel and my best friend, Mr. DraftKings. So, anyway, on that note, we'll try to go watch some more of our Menendez. We need to go watch the final episode of Bad Monkey

oh shit you're right we missed that last week I don't know if any of you folks watch Bad Monkey but Bad Monkey was a solid or has been a solid show and now we get the payoff for it I guess so is this the last episode yes? okay so we have to see how it ends

little Vince Vaughn action but anyway you guys are awesome I love you we'll see ya