The Josh Innes Show - School Days

Episode Date: September 23, 2025

Do you miss school? I know this is totally random and I honestly don't recall how I got on this topic. But, let's talk about grade school. Let's talk about those tri-fold sleep mats. Let's talk about trapper keepers. Let's talk pencils. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, everybody, welcome in. All up, Innes, what's shaken here at 422 in the a.m. As we prepare for another day. Hey, I actually took a nap yesterday because I wanted to make sure I was able to stay up for Monday night football and enjoy it. So I was able to take a nap. And I don't know how long I nap, maybe an hour, maybe an hour and a half. But actually, it was helpful. Who knew that sleeping when you never sleep is a helpful thing?

I would have never guessed it. but it's like the first time I've ever been able to nap probably since I was a wee boy and you'd go to school and they made you maybe when they made you bring those trifold mats that there's no way they were comfortable like current yoga mats are probably more comfortable than the mats they had us laying on when we were kids I even think it was part of the school supply list I think you had to like you get a backpack and pencils and and wide ruled paper and erasers and and pencil sharpeners and everything that was part of the school supply list. supply list. And then you had to get that tri-fold mat that the kids would lay on. But they're like torture. Let me see if those things still exist. Tri-fold mat for kids. I'm sure they still exist. There they are. But they, those mats look a lot more comfortable. This is kindermat brand new unused nap mat. That mat looks a lot more comfortable. You will never convince me that that fluffy S Matt is the same mat

that we were sleeping on when we were kids. There's no way. Hold on. Let me play a couple of commercials and we'll get into some more stuff. With Amex Platinum, access to exclusive Amex pre-sale tickets can score you a spot track side. So being a fan for life turns into the trip

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There ain't no way that this kindermat, let me see the actual dimensions on this. this man. This is a totally random discussion. This is not where I intended to go, but this is how my brain works. I make one reference to one thing, and then I go down a wormhole. I'm sorry. What are the dimensions on this? I need specifics on this mat. View full item details. It measures two by 19 by 44 and has a trifold technology. So I'm going to guess it's like 19 wide, 44 long, and then two inches high. So that's two inches thick. We weren't laying on that shit there ain't no way let me see if there's like a

1990s version of that 1990s I want to see a kids mat and compare them to today there is no way like these things were death mats when we were kids I mean it was basically just like laying on the floor there was nothing about it that was special this one looks nice

and fluffy this thing's like a temporepetic mattress compared to the shit we were laying on but that's how it was man you get in one of these mats Kinder rest mat is that an older one the original rest mat there is no way no way that these are the same mats no way this on eBay new original nap mat let's see what the dimensions are you two inches thick there is no way now this says 45 by 19 by 5 eighths so does that mean we're talking about the the mat being

5 eighth inches thick if that's the case 5 okay it's about one inch okay one by 19 by 5 they are now two by 18 by whatever so one by 19 by 45 this is like an OG kindermat so what we're doing here is we're talking about a full inch difference like dog beds are more comfortable than the shit they had us laying on when we were kids like oh I vividly remember being a kid it'd be nap time I guess it would have been at a daycare or something like that and you had nap time and I remember a tiny like 45 record player like it was like a kid 45 record player and they would put on like a little record that had like sleepy time music on it why I remember this I don't know and whether or not I'm making this up or just imagining this

I don't know but like I just remember maybe I don't like it was a tiny little like kids record player and I can hear the song almost I can't fully you know tell you what it sounded like but it It was, I don't know. There's no way anybody else remembers this. And there's no way anybody else ever listen to this song. There's no way. But you've got to remember the mats that weren't even really mats. You get a current yoga mat.

Like you look how thick a current yoga mat is. It was at least double, maybe even triple, what these mats were we used to lay on. That was part of your school supplies. You had to get a kindermat. And then you'd sleep. And all I remember, and I don't know if they let teachers do this now, what with, you know, to catch a predator type stuff and, you know, like, and creeper shit. But I remember laying on these mats and hearing that music on this little record player.

And I remember like a lady would come kind of rub you. your back until you fell asleep unless I just went to some diddle factory that I didn't know like people are listening to this they're like sir you got diddled that is all that is all I can tell you is that there was a good old fashioned diddling going on you were at a diddle factory you were at a diddle shack my friend because ain't nobody was rubbing my back whenever I was uh in in daycare ooh here's a vintage Thomas the tank engine sleep mat can you give me some of the specifics on Thomas the tank engine sleep mat. That's what I remember vividly about those days, man.

And I miss school supplies. I tell Jilly this all the time. But one of my great interests, if this makes any sense at all, one of my great interest is school supplies. Like when it's school supply time, like it's like July and August, and all the like the Walmarts and targets are full of school supplies. I used to love shopping for new school supplies. So, like, new stationary.

I loved when you'd get, like, new pencils and new pens. And, like, back in my day, it was all hip and trendy to have the mechanical pencils. I don't even know if anybody uses pencils in general at all anymore, whether or not they use that. I couldn't tell you the last time I used a pencil to write anything, which you'd get the BIC mechanical pencils, and you could hear, like, the – and then you buy, like, the little plastic case, the little tiny little plastic holder for the extra lead. And, like, you can hear it shake around in your pencil. and then you were really big shit if you got the pens that could erase although they never really erased right like you'd get an eraser with a pen and like you'd kind of erase it you'd kind of get that but it never really did it and then of course there was the trapper keeper the trapper keeper was always a status symbol very big deal which trapper keeper you got you know the girls would get like the lisa frank trapper keepers let's see retro trapper keeper did they have team trapper keepers I'm trying to trying to remember like if I see ah like to me like I feel like this trapper keeper right here that's got like a

it's got like the like almost saved by the bell intro type different patterns on it I'm fairly certain I had that trapper keeper god the trapper keeper ruled and then there's this one here where it looks like this one dolphin has given it to this other this is this is the greatest trapper keeper ever it's a Lisa Frank did nobody notice that it looks like this one dolphin is just giving it to this other dolphin from behind you're a horn dog Lisa Frank. But like this one right here, and I know you guys can't see it, but the original trapper keeper, like I think everybody had the OG trapper keeper.

And it was such a big deal. And you look back on it now and you're like, it's a binder with Velcro. Like, that's all the trapper keeper is. There was nothing really special about the trapper keeper. It was just a binder, a three-ring binder that also folded over and velcroed. That was it. And it had a fun little thing on it. It was even better when you'd get a three-ring binder.

and you'd create your own little cover for whatever subject it was and you'd slide it into the front of the binder and maybe you make it a little bit more stylish. The worst was having to cover your books. So you'd have to bring in paper bags to cover your books. Then when things got better is when someone wizened up and created like stretchy material, the stretchy material for your books.

So it was basically like your books were wearing yoga pants. It was like yoga pants for the books. before that, it was all like, hey, bring in your brown paper bags and you have to create your own cover for it. And if you did it wrong, I mean, you were fucked. Like, it had to be like the perfect dimensions or like the cover would rip and it was a whole damn deal. God, I miss. Like, I tell Jilly this all the time.

I miss going to school. I think there's something about some sort of structure, like where I know I have to be somewhere. Like, if I'm left up to my own devices, I don't know what to do with myself. Like, I just, I do nothing. But if I'm like, I have to go to school or I have to go to work, like, I need to have to be somewhere. So I needed to have to be at school. And I enjoyed being at school. And I think I also liked school because you had somebody you had to please.

I am a people pleaser deep down in places we don't talk about at parties. I'm fairly certain I'm a people pleaser. Like I need to have somebody that has a goal for me to achieve and then I achieve it. And I can say, see, I achieve the goal. And maybe that's not a good thing. Maybe it's a bad thing. I don't know. But I think that's why school, like, you know that the goal is you got to go out and get A's, get B's, passing grades.

You have teachers that you like, teachers you don't like. I don't know. I liked going to school. I like getting my ass up early. I liked going to school. I was like, we had to wear school uniforms, right? And I would always get pissed when people were too lazy to tuck in their uniform shirts and would get like demerits or some shit for that. I'd be like, how hard is it to tuck in your fucking shirt?

Now I'm like, God damn, I never want to tuck in a shirt ever again. I'm too fat to tuck in a shirt. But when I was in high school and I was keeping it pretty tight, you know, because I choked on that piece of steak and was afraid to eat for like six months. So I lost like 60, 70 pounds. You think Manjaro's good for you? Here's another great diet kids. Be afraid to eat for six months.

You do that and you'll go from like 230-something pounds to a buck 70 real quick, walking around looking like Mr. Mackingham, okay? And like, I just lost a shit ton of weight, so I was able to tuck in my shirts. I used to tuck in my undershirt into my underwear just to make sure that shit wouldn't come untucked. But I loved going to school. Like, for whatever reason, I enjoyed it. Maybe because I got like a special treatment from the teachers and that we all sexed. No, that's not true.

But they let me leave campus to go to work and stuff. So, like, I guess I just had a really good relationship with a lot of these people. But fuck, man. School supplies, dude. School supplies were the shit when you get those brand new school supplies, a pencil bag. Then, of course, you had to get the new clothes for the school. You see, you'd have to go get a new pair of shoes. That was always important.

And you'd go with your dad or whatever, your mom mostly in my mom. You know, we'd go look at shoes. And I'd have to make sure, you know, the shoes fit. Like, hey, did those feel good? Walk around in them a little bit. Does those feel all right? Do those feel all right? You know, you have to go get your pants.

Maybe get your, uh... Now, back in the day, we were able to wear, like, jeans to school. When I got to high school, we couldn't because we had uniforms. But, like, you'd go in, you'd put on, like, the little husky jeans. And mom would... Did your mom ever put the hand in the waist and, like, stretch them out and say, How does that feel? Like, Mom, stop.

And, like, she's, like, pulling on the waist, you know? You had to do that little number. Boy, those were the days. Love school supplies. Just, I love new legal pads. I really adore brand new, like, fine-tipped felt pins, like black felt-tipped pins. I love brand-new ones of those. I don't know why it is that I love these things so much.

I just do. I love stationary. I love going, like, brand new pencils. I don't even want to use a pencil, but I want to sharpen one. Like, I can't even imagine writing shit in pencil right now with the legit number two pencil. I couldn't fathom it. Oh, and then it was cool because you'd get, like, NFL team pencils. God, those were killer, too.

Boy, I miss it. I do. I don't want to wax poetic here and remember when on you, like, all day and stuff. But, like, I could remember when on going to school all day backpack, like, getting a new backpack was a huge deal. I remember first day of school, Bruelly Middle School. So I got to school there a little bit late. I don't know why I started later than everyone. Oh, I know why. Because the school year started, and I was over in Baton Rouge, we end up moving to West Baton Rouge Paris, so I start the year a little bit later.

And so I get over there, and Dad's got me with this Scooby-Doo backpack, because why wouldn't he? I get to school, they're like, you know, he can't bring that backpack to school because it's not clear. You had to have a see-through like a mesh backpack or like a plastic clear backpack because we were going to be some hoodlums that we're going to bring all sorts of weapons to school. So you couldn't do it. And I remember being in the office and they're like, sir, your son can't have this backpack. And he's like, I'm on the radio and whatever. So they eventually let me have the day. And then I had to go get a different backpack, a little Jansport clear backpack, a mesh bag.

pack I had to have. But what's funny about that fateful day, and this is the God's honest truth, a person who is still one of my two or three best friends in the world was in the office that day that I came to school. And I think May have had to walk me to class my first day of school. That person's name is Martin, and he and I have been friends since 1998. Like, how fucking cool is it to have friends you've been friends with for like 30 years? Like, if you're going to get older, you might as well have people you've been buddies

with for that long, right? How fucking cool is that? You know, like, you've got friendships that come and go, some that are great, some that aren't. You meet people at every stop along the way. I've been in all these different cities. And I've got friends in every city that I've lived in. Some are really good friends, you know, some you, like, you know, like, you know, people that you worked for, people you worked with, people that you remain tight with, people that you talk with on a day and day out basis. People that you might only talk with, you know, once every couple of months or when something wacky happens or people your best friends with.

You know, like you have that in every city you stop in. Except for St. You know, funny fact, though, other than St. Louis, nobody talks to me from St. Louis. There's not one person other than, I guess I should say Scott, Scott and I still talk. But other than that, like, the people I worked with have not talked with me since I got fired. The people I worked with have not spoken with me since I got fired. So St. Louis would be the one place that I look back on and go, man, those people really fucking hated my guts.

And they must have hated my fucking guts from Jump Street. But anyway, so school and school supplies and the little trifold mats that you laid on when you were in school and the ladies rubbing your back, which may not have been normal, boy, how I got down this path, I don't know. I really don't. I had no intentions of talking about this. I had hot sports takes, but instead I dedicated the first 15 minutes of the podcast today to remembering going to school, school supplies, and don't forget the most important. thing you needed and it varied as like it changed and as time went on but early 90s the most important thing that a kid had to have way must have was a starter jacket and I thought about this the other day because I was at the old J.C. Penny store and they had lion's starter jackets the

pull over with like the zipper that goes halfway up the side like these things were quilted and hot man like but I used to wear it like religiously. Like, it'd be 100 degrees in the summer, and I'm like, listen, I got my chief starter jacket. I had two different chief starter jackets. One was black, and one was red and yellow and white. And I had those two starter jackets. Those were, like, these starter jackets I had. That was an important piece of clothing.

That was a status symbol. Then as time went on, and the starter jackets kind of faded out of favor, and you got to middle school. When I was in middle school, the must-have item was a fossil watch. And I remember my dad came home with a fossil watch that was more of like a rubber banded one, like more of like a sport one with big numbers. I said, Dad, you got to take that back. I'm sorry. I appreciate the watch.

You got to get me like a silver one that's like, you know, like you snap it on the bottom. You got to give me one of those. Like I don't think any girl's ever going to like me if I don't have like a silver fossil watch. And then another status symbol was Doc Martins. Like in the late 90s, Doc Martins. Like everybody had a pair. Did you have the low Doc Martins? Did you have higher Doc Martins?

Like, I had lower Doc Martins that I wore with my pants for school. And I had a fossil watch. And you had to have the Old Navy shirt with the flag on it. That was another huge piece of clothing, too. Old Navy, go to Old Navy, $5. You get, like, various shirts with the Old Navy flag on it. Those were huge. Now, there's no way today's middle school kids would wear an American flag because

these kids fucking hate America because they're indoctrinated. But anyway, that's a different topic for a different day. And we will continue.