The Josh Innes Show - Snow Etiquette

Episode Date: January 8, 2025

We are now in the aftermath of Winter Storm Blair. For the most part, it's business as usual. I have a major issue with the dickheads in my neighborhood who haven't shoveled their sidewalks. How is its possible that you've shoveled your driveway but haven't bothered to shoved the sidewalk? These people are monsters. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Find us at DignityMemorial.ca. The Dignity Memorial brand name is used to identify a network of licensed funeral cremation and cemetery providers owned and operated by affiliates of Service Corporation International. Hello, friends. What's going on? Sorry for the late pod today. I've been out and about. I had to take Ross to his second day of training where apparently he's doing pretty good. So that's good. I'm glad to hear that old Ross goes getting it done at training. And then I had to go find a humidifier for the house because uh or at least

for the bedroom because i don't know if you guys knew this but we are in this this kind of um bizarro hellscape that is this winter storm blair and the aftermath here in st louis which is fucking terrible i know i harp on it every day i get that i harp on it every day. I get that I harp on it every day. Deal with it. I just hate snow. I despise it. I have no interest in it. I don't want to be around it. I don't want to walk in it.

I don't want to run in it. I don't want to shovel it. I don't want to drive it. Like these people in this town are horrible drivers anyway. And by the way, everybody says that their town has the worst drivers. And I understand that. Like, it's a bit that I always do on the radio. Like, someone will call and say, oh, you haven't dealt with the blank city drivers yet.

And the reality is every blank city has this belief that their drivers are the worst. But this kind of neighborhood slash suburb, sort of upper class suburb neighborhood of St. Louis that I live in. I guess technically we're in St. Louis County, so it's not like a neighborhood. It's a suburb basically of St. Louis. It's called Kirkwood, a very nice kind of upscale neighborhood. You know that you're kind of in an upscale neighborhood when you see more signs for, in this house, we believe that love is love. When that's the predominant sign you see, you're pretty much in an upper crust kind of like white guilt rid neighborhood. Or you see those in the neighborhoods where people are afraid that others are going to break into their homes.

So they put those signs up as a sign like, hey, we're in this thing together. But in this neighborhood, that's what we see a lot of. I don't recall seeing any Trump flags. I don't recall seeing any of that. All I saw is like, oh, one that I would see in this neighborhood frequently was Madam President was what the sign said, Madam President. Well, jokes on you, PUDs, because there is no Madam President. But in all that, I'm in this neighborhood and it's, I mean, I'm in this neighborhood and it's, I mean, I'm talking million dollar houses. Now you'll see some kind of old dinky houses too, but it's a really kind of upscale neighborhood. Not like a River Oaks or anything like that.

If you're in Houston or at the main line, if you're in Philadelphia, nothing like that, but it's a nice neighborhood. The house I'm in is kind of old and dumpy. Like it probably could sell for $500,000 in this neighborhood. But like right across or actually right next door where the assholes with the snowblower live, their house is probably a million-dollar house if they chose to sell it. The house across the street from us is a million-dollar house. But the house next door to the million-dollar house might be a $300,000 house. It looks kind of old and dumpy. So it's one of those kinds of neighborhoods, but you feel safe. There's no real crime in this neighborhood. You feel fine, right? Like the kids are out riding their bicycles. There's a church on the corner. It almost looks like a mega church.

Like you feel fairly safe in this neighborhood. But as far as driving in this neighborhood goes, these are the worst drivers I've ever encountered. They have no clue how to deal with stop signs, four-way stops. They have no concept of, like, I've never been in a place where more people go two at a time through a stop sign. There'll be four people, four different cars at a four-way stop, four stop signs, the number of times that I see a person just piggyback the person that goes through, like, what are you people doing? You're just terrible drivers. But from what I understand, and Jilly was telling me this, and I don't know how true this is or not, I have no reason to believe she'd lie to me, that in Missouri, I forgot if it's the written test or the driving test you don't have to take. I think

it's the written test. You don't have to pass a written driver's ed test to get a license. Now, I don't recall anything from the driver's ed test, the written part. All I know is when I was in high school and I was 15, 16 years old, we took driver's ed at school and the baseball coach is the one that was teaching driver's ed. And the first day in class, he took our asses out on the street. And before you know it, we're crossing the bridge going into Baton Rouge. So like, it was kind of like kill or be killed, eat or be eaten, shit or get off the pot. There was no time to be petrified of the fact that you were in a car driving. It was, well, let's go.

And mostly because our baseball coach seemingly had no reason to live at that point because our principal had fired him from being the baseball coach, which he had been for like a billion years. And he basically had no reason to live. And you got that vibe from him every time we got in the car. And you almost felt like he wanted us to get in a wreck. Other than the fact that he would constantly hit the emergency brake that was on the passenger side. So he constantly hit that brake. So I don't know what his motive was.

All I know is like day one in driver's ed, we're in the car, four of us are in the car, he's in the passenger seat and we're going, right? So I don't recall if we took a, I don't recall what was on the written test. I don't remember anything about it. I don't know if I could pass a written test right now to tell you the truth. Like if we're sitting there and like, they're like, here's a

written test and you have to pass this test or get a certain grade on this test, a B on this test to be a driver. I honestly don't know if I could. It's weird, but like driving's like an instinctual thing. Like you see signs, but we don't ever pay really any attention to what those signs are. Nobody looks at a sign and goes, oh, that sign means blank. You just look at it and kind of instinctually, you know, but nobody driving like, like, I don't know. I don't recall anything from a driver's ed test. I remember the driving part and I don't remember any of the kind of wacky shit that you see in TV shows where they want you to drive around cones and shit. I don't remember any of that. All I remember is day one, we're in the car, baseball coach who

just got fired, wants to kill himself and let's go. That's all I remember. But for whatever reason, these people in Kirkwood, Missouri are the worst drivers I've ever encountered. They're awful. They blow two through a stop sign. They have no concept of like, all right, this person went, so now you go, now you go, now you go. They can't figure it out. They constantly speed through stop signs and stoplights. They are terrible, terrible drivers. They're awful. But I live in this neighborhood and it's a nice little neighborhood. The people next to me are the ones that built this brand new patio outside this deck, right? This outdoor, I don't know if

it's an outdoor kitchen. From what I gather, it's one of those situations where they've got an outdoor fireplace and above the fireplace is a TV and it's got a nice overhang and like a pavement patio now. And they got all this nice furniture. Like they were building this during the summer when we would sit out on our dinky little patio and play Yahtzee and listen to Yacht Rock, right? So that's what we would do. And we would watch them as they were building this. And we were like, you sons of bitches, you bastards. Look at you living the high life, highfalutin, got your nice big Porsche that you build. No, you're going to have a lot of nice nights out there, aren't you? And then they've been out there maybe twice that I've ever heard. And I'm here a lot of the time. So like when we'd be sitting outside, never heard them sitting

outside. There was one stretch where somebody in their house would play a shitload of Taylor Swift for like two or three days in a row and then nothing. Why do I bring up the rich people again? Well, hold on. Let me play a couple of commercials here and then I'll get back into the rich people again all right if you're ready to win some real cash during the basketball playoffs you got to check out pick six from DraftKings when it comes to basketball payouts DraftKings pick six posterizes the competition including price picks. It's a very simple concept. Hit all your picks and score higher minimum payouts on pick six, plus even more cash if you outscore the competition. Pick six is available in most states, including Missouri, California, Texas, Georgia, and more, and I absolutely love it. Look, every night we're going to be having playoff basketball, every night. So

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Limited time offer. See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash promos. How can you get even more of everything you love about Porter with the new BMO vi porter mastercard enjoy more freedom more flexibility more rewards more of all the things you love need i say more get your ticket to more with the new bmo vi porter mastercard and get up to 2400 in value in your first 13 months. Terms and conditions apply. Visit bmo.com slash theiporter to learn more. All right, so the rich people next door, they have to be rich because this house is just gorgeous. Don't know what it looks like on the inside, but it's amazing. Got a nice backyard. They're to the right of us. They're the people that have the dogs that get up at 630 in the morning every day. Good news, Ross does not react to that anymore.

He might poke his head up and go, hey, what the hell's going on? But then he gets his ass right back to sleep. That's a blessing. Big ups to Jesus. So yesterday, I guess it would have been yesterday, right? Was it yesterday that I did all the shoveling? Yesterday or Monday? I forgot which day it was that I got out and did most of the shoveling. I guess it would have been Monday, whatever day it was. I'm out there shoveling of the shoveling. I guess it would have been Monday, whatever day it was. I'm out there shoveling because Jilly is like, it says here in the town script that everybody has to shovel. And if somebody walks on your sidewalk and it's not shoveled and they fall down, it's the owner's responsibility. And I'm like, I'm not the owner.

Who gives a shit? And then she digs up the lease and she's like, on the lease, it says that if it happens here, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, fine, I'll go shovel because I just had to get the car out of the goddamn driveway because I had to get out of this house. So I spent, you know, the two hours outside Rocky IV style. We talked about that on the pod, out there shoveling and everything. And I shoveled the sidewalk, right? Like I'm like, I guess that's kind of part of the deal. So I'm going to shovel the sidewalk in front of our house as well. Right. Right after I get done with that, I look over and the rich neighbors have from pull the cord from, from, from, from,

and they're blowing all this snow, blowing snow, this way, blowing snow that way, living the fucking life. And I'm like, you sons of bitches. I don't want to be must be nice guy. I've lived a very charmed life. I've had a lot of good things in my life. I've had a lot of high paying jobs. I've had some jobs that aren't all that high paying. I have $20,000 in debt. Most of that is due to online sports betting. So my issues I've created on my own, but I've had some jobs that aren't all that high paying. I have $20,000 in debt. Most of that is due to online sports betting. So my issues I've created on my own, but I've had a pretty solid life. So I hate to be must be nice guy. But as I was watching this person rocking it's, and it's almost like, like he waited till I was done. Like he almost would have felt guilty,

like bad watching my fat ass out there holding my back. Like I needed to put on one of those Hulk Hogan, like weightlifting belts. Like I'm a power lifter. Like I'd have to put that on to brace my back and then go out there and shovel this goddamn snow with this $8 shovel that I'm surprised didn't break. Right. So I'm thinking that this guy must have waited until he saw me because he and his wife and his kids, in my mind, were sitting in their giant front window with their dog just watching me, pitying me as my fat ass was out there just shoveling this heavy, horrible, terrible, ice filled snow. So anyway, I finished it up and then I see almost instantly the guy rolls out there with his snowblower and just starts blowing like the snow is just blowing everywhere. And the scene that the driveway is open like in 10 minutes and like 10 minutes, this guy's driveway is done.

But then I noticed something. And what I noticed is that this jabron didn't do the sidewalk. And I'm like, well, why did this man not do the sidewalk? I mean, he's got the capability of doing it. He's got a snowblower. He's Mr. Fancy Pants snowblower guy. I have a chair. I have a chair. King of the castle. Like, he's got it all. So why didn't he do this? that. It's not a long sidewalk, you know, 10 yards, maybe if that. I don't even think it's that. Maybe a little bit longer, maybe a little shorter. It ain't that long. So you want to tell me that you can't get out there with your big, fancy, gas-powered snowblower, Tim the Toolman, Taylor Star? You couldn't go out there and do one, just a once-over on that? But then I noticed something and it was, and as I got

out, I finally got the car out, you know, and I drove around finally the last couple of days and it's been a blessing, big ups to Jesus. And I noticed that nobody in this neighborhood shoveled their sidewalks. There is not one house that I have seen in this giant, and I'm not talking about like a subdivision. This is like a whole, when I say neighborhood, this whole town, like it's a nice little town. I have not seen one other house where someone shoveled the sidewalk. And what I'm seeing is if people are out for walks and they're walking their dog, they're walking in the streets. There's nobody walking on the sidewalks because the sidewalks are seven, eight, nine inches of snow. And, and, and aside from that, it's where all the snow from the street has been, you know, swept up by

the plows. So like it's up against the sidewalk. No one has bothered to shovel the sidewalks here. And, and I don't want to be that guy, you know, like the neighborhood watch, the guy that's looking out the window, spying on everybody, pissed off all the time. But when I drive by and I see no sidewalks, all I see is snow. I'm like, what the fuck are these people doing? How do you do that? Now, it's not like I was born and raised in a place where there was snow etiquette. I lived most of my life in Louisiana.

And when I was a kid in Montana, I remember nothing about shoveling snow or anything like that. I know it snowed. I know it was cold. I don't remember shoveling or my dad shoveling. My dad sure as hell didn't shovel anything. Maybe my mom would have, but I guarantee you my dad's ass didn't. So like I'm not someone who grew up with like proper snow etiquette is something that I was taught or something that I knew. But when I see these people out there and no one shovels their sidewalk, I'm perplexed. Like that's part of your duty as a person in the neighborhood in the same way as like picking up your dog shit is part of your neighborhood responsibility. And it's a legal responsibility, by the way, pick up your dog shit, you monsters, unless it's like in a bush or something and you can't get to it. as long as it's out of people's way it's fine but if there's

a poop right there in the grass and you don't pick it up hey you're an asshole and on occasion you get a mulligan i've been there before where you don't have a bag like you think you have bags you don't have bags or your dog poops three times on a walk and you don't have bags totally get it those are things that happen and i understand it there are exceptions but if you don't have bags. Totally get it. Those are things that happen and I understand it. There are exceptions. But if you don't pick up your dog, shit, you're a monster and I think you should be sent to the guillotine. That said, I thought it was just understood common courtesy that you shovel your sidewalk. If you're going to take all that time to selfishly shovel your own driveway so you can get in and out, then why the fuck wouldn't you take the time to shovel that little 10 yards of driveway or sidewalk that you have in front to allow people to maybe get out and walk their dogs or not have to walk in the street? Like in Philly?

You wouldn't pull that shit. Like when I got my ass out there, because we had a couple of big snowstorms in Philly. One was gigantic. We talked about it on here, but like 20 inches of snow storms in Philly. One was gigantic. We talked about it on here, but like 20 inches of snow or whatever it was, it was fucking nuts. But it was understood like in Philly, if you were the guy that didn't shovel your sidewalk, you were the dickhead and everybody viewed you. Now I'm the guy that did shovel my sidewalk and I feel like a dickhead. I feel like an asshole. Like people are looking at me like, look at this asshole.

What a dick. He shoveled his sidewalk. Who does that? He must be from out of town. But at least the Philly people, like maybe they deal with more snow than here. Although like it didn't snow all the time in Philadelphia. It's not like that was a place where it was constant snowstorms. I don't know what it is compared to here. I would imagine it snows more in Philadelphia than it snows in St.

Louis, but you're going to get a snow or two a year in St. Louis. So they should know proper snow etiquette. I'm a guy that grew up in Louisiana and I know the proper etiquette. If you've got a sidewalk out front, like that was my first thing before I even shoveled my driveway, I shoveled the sidewalk. I was like, well, I want to make sure people can get by. Turns out it didn't matter because there is not one other sidewalk shoveled in this town. Not one. When I see people walking their dogs, they're walking in the middle of the street. These rich bastards and their little signs that say, you know, in this house, we believe that love is love and like there's no colors and and boys or girls and all the other shit. Their little signs say in this fucking house, we believe you get your fucking ass out there and if going to shovel your driveway, you shovel the fucking sidewalk.

Shouldn't be that difficult. That's what we believe in this fucking house. Step to me. I'm at a point now where i'm so sick of this place like i want like i i'm not a combative person i'm mostly i'm rather docile when i'm on the radio i'm a little bit more combative because like something goes off in me where i'm like fuck yeah that's why i end up like in near fist fights on the radio but otherwise i'm just kind of subdued. I just kind of hang out. No big whoop.

But I almost want someone to cross me in some way. Because I'm at that point. I've got a couple months left in the severance. Trying to find a job. Doing anything possible to get the fuck out of St. Louis. I just want to get out of here. Someone step to me. Especially if you're someone who didn't shovel your driveway. get the fuck out of St. Louis. I just want to get out of here. Someone stepped to me, especially

if you're someone who didn't shovel your driveway, which the odds are you will be or your sidewalk because nobody shoveled their fucking sidewalks. People are monsters. You're evil people. Maybe I'm just, you know, maybe I'm just better. Maybe I'm just, maybe I'm a great human. Maybe that's what this comes down to. Maybe what we've solved here is that I am really just a good human, and these people are monsters. I can't imagine doing all that work to shovel your driveway, and then you see that little stretch of sidewalk, and you're like, looks like I'm going to call it a season.

Like, the fuck you are. Get out there and shovel your fucking sidewalk so we can all walk and enjoy ourselves. Bastards. At least the Philly people get it, man. You'd go out there and especially if you shoveled out your own parking spot, like a lot of people like in Manayunk, there weren't a lot of driveways. We were parking on the street and it was every man for himself, right? Like it is, there's no like, oh look,

we got a three car garage. Fuck no. You didn't have that in Manayunk. You had sidewalks and you had street parking. And there were a lot of days that we'd be out, you know, we would have gone to like Walmart or something and come back. We were parked five blocks from the house. There was nowhere to park. We'd have to park next to like the Salvation Army and walk five blocks to get home with our Walmart and shit. So if you went out there and you shoveled out your spot and you got your car out of

the spot, which we had to do many times. If you shoveled yourself out of your spot, you put a fucking chair or a garbage can or something there. You put that in that spot. And if somebody takes your spot, you go wait for them. Then you kick their ass. I talk a big game that never happened. And I probably wouldn't have fought him anyway, but like, that's the way it goes. These people here in the Midwest don't get that etiquette. You're lucky that you don't cross some of these pipe hitting motherfuckers from the northeast they whoop your ass but these little stunts you're pulling with no shovel in your sidewalks anyway i gotta do some sports stuff we'll do that here in a bit