The Josh Innes Show - Sunday Drunk Party

Episode Date: September 16, 2024

It's Sunday and me and Jilly are drinking a ton of domestic beer. I want you to experience the escalation of my drunkeness over the course of a football Sunday. Let's live the dream. You'll get to hear me and Jilly hitting different bets and parlays. Plus, you'll get a Texans breakdown. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When planning for life's most important moments, sometimes the hardest part is simply knowing where to start. That's why we're here to help. When you pre-plan and pre-pay a celebration of life with us, every detail will be handled with simplicity and professionalism, giving you the peace of mind that you've done all you can today to remove any burden from your loved ones tomorrow. We are your local Dignity Memorial provider. Find us at DignityMemorial.ca. The Dignity Memorial brand name is used to identify a network of licensed funeral cremation and cemetery providers owned and operated by affiliates of Service Corporation International. All right, Jemokes, it is Sunday.

It is 1148 Central, and we're about to start watching football. We've got the NFL Sunday ticket on the YouTubes. We're going to be sitting outside drinking beer. I've got a Chuck roast that I'm about to start smoking to make poor man's burnt ends. So here's what we're doing today. Here's the experiment. If you want to call it that, I don't know if I'd call it an experiment, but here's what I'm going to do throughout the day. I'm going to jump back into this podcast as we see how our bets are going and more importantly as we see what

impact the bush lattes are having on me okay because i got a lot of bets that i've got going today um i want to say with all the prop bets i played i think every prop bet that i mentioned on the prop bet show i mean i played all those i got some parlays going i got some same game parlays going i got a lot of shit going. I got a lot of shit going. Jelly's got a lot of shit going today as well. We are locked and loaded, but what this is going to be is like a progression. It's going to show you how my attitude, I'm in a good mood right now. I got all my bets ready to go. One of my favorite things to do is sit around and bet. I hate that I can't live bet here because I have to go to Illinois to do that. So I can't drink beer. So I got to be committed to the bets. I prefer to live bet live bet that's my thing but I've got a bunch of bets in and ready

to go a couple of money line bets but a lot of prop bets okay and I'm going to keep checking in to let you guys know how it's going you'll see how my attitude changes you'll see what the impact the booze has you know how many beers it takes for me to become an imbecile, how many beers it takes for me to just start talking shit, because, I mean, it'll go. There'll probably be tequila, too. All right, tequila shots, because we do shots when we hit parlays and prop bets.

So, Jilly, you're around me when I'm drinking my booze. How do you foresee this going? Well, I'm kind of confused, because normally on Sundays you're in a mood for no reason, but today you've actually been in a good mood. So I don't really know how this is going to go. Well, LSU won yesterday. So I'm in a good mood there.

Uh, even though we suck, but it was fine. We got that, got the bets in. It's a nice day. We're going to move a TV outside to watch smoke some meat. So it's going to be good. We're going to see what happens i'm just gonna keep checking and this is interesting this interesting to watch just how a man descends into gambling and alcohol alcohol induced rage or splendor it's like they're gonna study this in in in college courses i think before we start then what's your like favorite prop of the day of all of your prop bets what's the one you're going with the most well my favorite is cd lamb over I

think I got in at 86 and a half receiving yards so I did that and I also took I had to put more on the deandre hopkins three catches because it was minus 146 there was no juice so technically the prop bet that I put the most on was that it was like a hunt i put in like 150 to win 100 or something on that and then i've got 100 to win like 90 something on uh the cd lamb cd lamb if he like i really thought about taking him for a buck 50 today but i don't know that they'll need to throw that much because they're going to beat the shit out of the saints today latimore's out so we'll see but this is interesting we get to see how things kind of uh progress and i'll keep checking in with you guys. You'll see how my attitude changes. You'll see if

I get happier, if I get sadder. We'll see what kind of mood Jilly's in. We'll see how our games are going. I expect the Saints, my team, my actual team, to lose big today, like by 20. And then we got the Texans tonight. The key will also be to stay, you know, at least coherent enough to watch the Texans tonight. So that's the plan because they're going to win big tonight. So we got a lot of stuff going on. But anyway, I'm going to keep checking in with you guys as this goes on. It is currently 1152.

I have not cracked the first beer yet. I'm about to throw the bush lattes in the cooler. We got the ice. We got the cooler. The Traeger is smoking right now, about ready for that poor man's, about to throw the bush lattes in the cooler we got the ice we got the cooler the uh the traeger is smoking right now about ready for that uh poor man's the chuck roast which will be poor man's burnt ends it's gonna be a lively fun day and you're gonna get to just see how i descend into madness or into gladness over the next eight or nine hours all right so again we're just minutes

into the games out here i'm just cracking my first beer. And before I can even sit down, the Saints have already scored. Let me crack one open here. Oh yeah, that's good. Let's see here. There's the first sip of the day. Now, Rashid Shahid, eventually this guy's passing yardage total, or his receiving total, is going to be like 80 a game. Because he's out here making plays. who I took for his passing yards is off to a good start Saints offense looks like a fucking machine in week two here already

now again CD is going to feast on these guys he's going to have over a hundred yards uh let's see Jilly what else is going on over there so far a lot lot of field goals. That's good because I took a field goal to be kicked in every game for plus 6,000. In every game or every team? That means, sorry, every team to kick. Wait, is it every team to make a field goal? Yeah, I guess every team to make a field goal. So that's plus 6,000. Derek Carr, 65 fucking passing yards already.

Who are these guys? What are we doing? This is, look, we might be, look, I'm not telling you the Saints are saints are good but offensively last year it took them like three months to figure out how to score now they're scoring non-stop it's nuts so i got a beer i got the saints on we're going to check some of the other games i got to look and see how my bets are going i did take um an alley paladino slash big dick evans alley big dick evan is her last name um i took uh the colts we told her to take the colts and that they're down three nothing already in that game i took them on my own to win as well in a money line so we'll see we're gonna keep checking in all right it's been about

uh i don't know six minutes or so since my last check-in just finished a beer look i don't sit here and drink these ice cold bush lights because know, like I don't deliberately drink them fast. I just drink them fast because they're delicious. Jilly looked over at me after the Cowboys kicked the field goal and said, wait, you've already finished a beer? Yeah, that's one beer per drive. I plan on being dead by 2.30 at this rate. By the way, so I took that field goal from every team. So far, that's every team so far. That's every team up until the night game.

The night game isn't included. Look, Washington's got a field goal. Cowboys got a field goal. Baltimore's got a field goal. Green Bay's got a field goal. Tampa's got, I believe, two field goals. So the field goals are coming. This is good.

Look, hey, I'm in a good mood still right now. Saints are winning. It's 7 to three. I got to look at some of my bets and see how they're doing. Seedy's only got four yards, but it's still very early. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that the Saints are going to the Super Bowl, but defensively, they look good against Dak, and Dak's usually really good at home. Saints marched down the field against Dallas and scored. Looked good doing it. Look, Kubiak. It's that Kubiak blood, baby. That first possession, man. I'm in a good mood. I'm in a good mood right now. I'm on bush light number two. We got field goals being kicked. I gotta

take a look at my props. I got things. Jilly, is anything looking good for you right now? I don't like to look this early. I don't follow it every moment like you do. I watch the game, too. So I'll check in closer to halftime. I don't like to look. I like to be surprised. Okay, Jilly likes to be surprised. I like to keep up with it. This is where we're different. It's all good. I'm on Bush Latte number two in this Sunday of beer consumption and football and prop bets and who dat.

And Texans going to win tonight. So we got a bunch of fun. I'll check back in a little bit. Holy shit, I'm back like 10 seconds later but the second i turn this off my man shaheed catches a 70 yard tud from derrick car who's probably the best quarterback in the nfl right now probably the best quarterback in the league we're kicking ass and taking names right now uh shaheed 70 yards just got like a hundo in the first freaking quarter you better hey you look his yards are about to start being 90 a game.

They're going to have to start putting 90 and a half for his yardage total. Saints are up 14 to 3. People are doing great shit. I'm drinking beer. We're having fun. All right, update. Saints are about to be up 14 to 6. That's what I'm watching right now.

I think after Brandon Aubrey makes this field goal. Also have an update. I think I got stung by a bee on my leg, on my thigh, somewhere around my knee. I think it was a bee. I don't think it was a hornet or a wasp, but I did get stung by a bee, I think. If I die, you'll know why. It will not be alcohol poisoning. So Malik Willis has a giant run. Let's see if that gets us the over. I told you guys on the pod, as far as props go, that Malik Willis rushing was a good one.

Let's see if he's got his. Yep, he's got 31. I needed 30, so don't lose any, bud. Go pick up a few more. And Green Bay's about to go up 17-0. Sorry, Allie. Sorry, Allie. We really hosed you on that one.

But if it makes you feel any better, I'm going to lose because I took Indiana. I took the Colts money line. I used one of those boosts on that. What a disaster. That's a disaster of a pick right there. God, that's terrible. That's terrible. Well, hopefully the Colts rally.

If not, hey, she's not eliminated though, right? No, we're down to one. That'll be, we'll only have one left to lose. Yep. Damn it. I just felt like, I mean, because Malik sucks, but she, like, I took. And we had initially picked two for her, and then she let me know it was just one for the first four weeks. And so I think the other one we had picked was Seahawks over the Patriots.

I think they're tied, too. But, I mean, they're not getting blown out like the Colts. Yeah. I would have also thought Carolina would lose, but I didn't want to, I think what that came down to is I didn't want to waste the team that Carolina was playing the chargers. I didn't want to waste that one. And the West, the West coast travel would have, you know, been a bad one too. But so as we sit here now, there've been some good things that have happened, but I feel really bad about the Colts. They need to rally. I really thought that the suckiness of Malik Willis would have outweighed the suckiness of the Colts' run defense.

As it turns out, the Texans may not be that good of a running team. The Colts may just be dogshit defensively against the run. And they're about to be down 17-0. They may actually be down 17-0 by now. They are down 10-0. Oh, wait, the Colts got the ball back. I think there was a turnover. All right, we're alive. I take back what I said.

You're still alive, Allie. Let BDE know that the play is still alive. My leg is kind of red. You didn't put ice on it. I have been. I put my bush light on it for a while and that's cold like ice too. So, but anyway, that's where we are right now.

I definitely got stung by something. It was not like a mosquito bite. This thing felt like I felt it, like I said ow when it happened. So I'll let you know if my leg ends up falling off or not. We've been out here for about 45 minutes so far i'm about to go to bush light number three and we'll keep you posted as of right now though still in a good mood confidence is high saints playing good football so uh and

good things are happening the props are looking decent so let's rock well before i could crack open beer number three that's been on my leg trying to keep my bee sting, hornet sting, whatever sting it was from ballooning up, the Saints just threw a 60-yard screen pass touchdown with Alvin Kamara. Look, I don't want to exaggerate here or speak in hyperbole, but I think the Saints are winning the Super Bowl. I think it's destined. I think we should have taken that money on the Saints to win the NFC South,

certainly. At this point, they look a lot better than the Falcons did. I know, and their value, they were like plus 370 to win the division. I'm pretty sure they were third, right? Yeah. Yeah. Again, it's been five and a half quarters of football, and four of those were against the Panthers,

but they've scored 21 points in the first 20 minutes of this game against the Cowboys who the whole world myself included thought would come out and dismantle these guys holy shit the Saints are actually kind of fun to watch Clint Kubiak is a blessing I've always said that about all the Kubiaks the Kubiaks are a blessing. Gare Bear was a blessing. And, well, Clint Kubiak is a blessing. And whatever his other kids that start with K, those guys are blessings too. Look, I think Carr might already have his passing yardage total for the day.

It was like 220.5. I did take that by itself, the 220.5. So that's probably pretty close right now. But, dude. He's got 199. He's got 199. He needs like 30 more. I'm a six-pack. Are they all complete or no?

He's a six of six. This is bonkers right now. And we're going to be in Louisiana next weekend. I'm thinking, you know, we're going to see LSU. That'll probably be cheap to get into because LSU stinks. I got my dad looking for Saints tickets. They might actually be something people covet this week in New Orleans. I know Tank is going to be in New Orleans for that.

They're doing one of those flights, one of those trips with the Eagles people. And so will Angelo, so we can go stalk Angelo and Tank. We can go watch the Birds and the Saints. I mean, look, I don't want to get ahead of myself here. This could be an NFC Championship game preview in week three of the NFL season. Saints, Birds, playoffs. And we all know the Saints own the Birds in the playoffs. That's the way this goes.

We don't beat a lot of people, but we can beat Atlanta in the playoffs. We can beat the Panthers in the playoffs. We can beat the Eagles in the playoffs. Those are the teams we beat in the playoffs. That's the way this goes. We don't beat a lot of people, but we can beat Atlanta in the playoffs. We can beat the Panthers in the playoffs. We can beat the Eagles in the playoffs. Those are the teams we beat in the playoffs. So look, Super Bowl, black and gold Super Bowl, as they say in New Orleans. We're on. All right, this is fun. Good little Sunday action. I'm about to crack beer number three. My leg does have a bump on it, but I don't think it's anything serious. Jilly, would you like to look but I don't think it's anything serious. Jilly, would you like to look at my bump? It's not anything serious. It better not be because we don't have health insurance until October 1st. I'll live, I think. That would be your luck, like some hornet sting, like, oh shit. I'm going to have to get my leg amputated.

But anyway, I've heard that what cures bee stings and hornet stings and other stings is more bush lights. So we're going to get some more of that and we'll check in as these games continue to motor along. Well, perhaps the Saints are not going to the Super Bowl, but here's great news. I told you guys what was my favorite play of the day. C.D. Lamb over 86 and a half, over 87 and a half, said this motherfucker's going to have 150 today. Well, he's got 90, so that play has already hit. So if you guys listen to my advice on C.D. Lamb, you're making some money. Now that I got that out of the way, the Saints can just go win the game.

This would have been a nice one to take. Justin Jefferson already has 100-plus receiving yards, which was plus 172, and a Tud, which was plus 140. I'm thinking then that he must be the guy that scored the 97 yard touchdown. That just popped up on my phone that Minnesota had a 97 yard Tud. I had totally forgotten about his existence honestly because I don't even pay attention to Minnesota because Minnesota's a mess but apparently they're not a mess. Apparently he and Sam Darnold have magic. I guess so. So if you would have taken CeeDee Lamb for over 85,

that's already been a hit, kiddos. He's at 90, and he might go for 200 today. It might be a 200. In fairness, though, that was a bad job by the Saints. That should have been a stop for a gain of 15, but I'll take it. So there you go. So Malik's already hit his for you, kiddos. Told you about Malik.

Hopefully he ain't taking any knees or anything at the end of this game, but he could because the Colts are terrible. That Colts-Money line not looking good. Derek Carr looking pretty good already. Gardner not in bad shape. Both teams in that game have a field goal, too. We're here for field goals, baby. And look, Jayden Daniels in a 6-6 game is thrown for 63, only needs 198. So I don't even know, did I mention that one in the, or did I take him for a touchdown on the card? Either way. And Jameer Gibbs has nine receiving yards. So there we go.

He needed him to get like 25, so let's go, Jameer. Well, look, it's a young game in that one and it's, boy, today's a fun day and if that sun stays away, boy, we got ourselves a nice afternoon outside. I've got the chuck roast is on there on the smoker. We're waiting to make some burnt ends today, some poor man's burnt ends. I'm on bush light number three. Jilly just gave me some anti-itch cream for this bee sting, and look, it's red, but I'll live because I'm tough. Let me tell you something.

You play hurt when you've got like 14 prop, 15, 16, I don't know, 20 bets going in a day. You got to sit there and you got to tell yourself, I will play hurt and I'm playing hurt today. Bush lights, bee stings, big plays from CD lamb, tuds all over the place. We're having a good time. Kubiak going to be a head coach next year.

That's all I can say. Saints are up 28-13. They cannot be stopped offensively. He's turned Derek Carr into fucking Tom Brady. The Saints cannot be stopped offensively right now. Kamara looks like 2017, 2018, 2019 Kamara. What are we watching right now? I don't know that the Saints scored 28 points in the first month and a half of the season last year, and they're out here dominating offensively. It's bonkers with three touchdowns for Kamara. My man's about to get paid. What else is going on around here right now?

The Titans are winning. There's going to be a lot of comeback games here where the better teams are going to be the ones having to throw for yards. So this is a live bet. God damn you, Missouri. Packers have 226 rushing yards in the first half. Shit's bonkers, man. The Colts run defense. It wasn't just last week. Look, I'm not trying to bang on the Texans. Maybe the Texans running game isn't all that special. It really has to be that the Colts are fucking terrible defensively. Josh Jacobs on his own is 117 rushing. This has been stupid.

Look, and we're getting field goals here too. Not from the Saints. No, the Saints are like, no, the team that kicked nothing but field goals last year, they're like, no, we ain't kicking field goals this year, bub. Hell no. Shut up, Kamala. I don't need to hear your stupid commercials. Why is it that everywhere I turn on my YouTube, there's always a dumb Kamala commercial? I don't care about

political ads from anybody, but I certainly don't care about her lying ass bullshit in here or Trump's lying ass bullshit or anybody's lying ass bullshit. I'm just trying to watch my saints get win number two towards going undefeated 17-0. That's all I'm trying to do right now. I don't have to hear political ads all the goddamn time from this cackling hen over here. Not that hens cackle. But you get my point. Three beers deep. About to get number four.

Thank you for the anti-itch cream because my bee sting does not itch anymore. Jelly is a nurse, apparently. Certified, registered RN for outside beer-drinking nurse. Fuck. Boy, this is a good day. I mean, goddamn. Look, CD's already hit his number for me. Told you that was my lock of the day. He said, what's the lock of the day, Josh? I said, Salonius Delonius. That's his name. Lamb to have over 87. He's got that already. Let me

take a quick update on some of the props. We said Malik. He's now got 34, so he's comfortably over 29 and a half right now. And Green Bay's got the ball up 10-0. DeAndre Hopkins, by the way, zero catches. Perhaps I was wrong on that. Colts, terrible. Carr, 18 yards away. Gardner doing decent. Jayden's got 87 passing in a 6-6 game.

Commander Skins on the verge of taking the lead. You know who's been a no-show today also? Brandon Ayuk. But it seems like most of the 49ers' jamokes have been a no-show today also? Brandon Ayuk. But it seems like most of the 49ers' jamokes have been a no-show. Told you that Deshaun would show up today. He's got a hundo in the first half already. Only needs 212. Look at this. The Saints have scored nine touchdowns and four field goals on their last 13 drives. Think about that last year they were nothing but field goals this is bonkers look again i don't want to speak in hyperbole and i don't believe that this is just three beers

talking because i'm not a child i can drink three beers without feeling anything i'm an adult we may be witnessing the greatest offense in nfl history maybe. Probably. Or probably. Oh, another thing. You said earlier that Tom sounds good. Bro. I like him. Dude, Brady sounds great. Like, look, I think it's, I never understood the Greg Olson thing. I don't think he was good. And I've never liked Romo. He's obnoxious. Look, and I get that I'm obnoxious. So pot, meat, kettle. Ha ha ha. But now, by the way, also the Cowboys can feel free or the Saints can feel free to shut down CD now that I've hit my number. Let's just win this thing by 40. Let's go out there and make magic happen, guys.

Let's fucking go. But let me tell you, Tom, far less obnoxious than, I mean, like, dude, Romo's the worst. The people that would blow Romo, oh, he's predicting plays. He don't predict shit, okay? He just says, hey, they might pass it, they might run it. And then who knew? They might pass it and they might run it. Dude, Brady sounds good.

I didn't hear him last week, so I can't look at week one to week two. But I find him to be somewhat enjoyable, so good for Tom. All right, we'll check in in a little bit. All right, so I'm about halfway through beer six. There's nine minutes to go in the Saints game third quarter. Saints should have just had a sack fumble recovery that would have stopped the Cowboys from scoring any points. But because the big, dumb, doofus defensive lineman decided to try to pick it up and run with it like an asshole, instead of just falling his fat ass on the ball, they get three points.

So now it's a two-possession game. This should be a three-possession game, ass on the ball. They get three points. So now it's a two possession game. This should be a three possession game. Saints with the ball. But instead, Dingus over here is like, hey, I'm going to be, where are you going to go? Where are you going to go? You big son of a bitch. Where are you going to run? You're at your own 20 yard line. You're going to run 80 yards. You're not. So that's where we are right now. Hey, the good news is we thought Jaden Daniels was dead. He lives. So we took his passing yard, so he's still alive. I need him to get a ton.

What was that? I need Jaden to get a ton. Well, there's still a lot of football left. We need Gardner Minshew to do some throwing. I also have a parlay with some money lines in it. The Colts, let me tell you something about the Colts. They're fucking terrible. As it turns out, the entire AFC South, outside of the Texans,

they may all lose again today. Now here's the thing about the Colts, and I think here's something we could learn from this Colts game. And they might rally and win. It could happen. They're only down 10. They're about to get the ball back. They could win.

Here's what I've learned. Last week when we saw Mixon and the Texans dominate the Colts running game and we said, holy shit, the Texans rushing off the offensive lines. I wouldn't blow yourselves just yet on this because, as we've noted, the Packers, with no quarterback, by the way, have run all day on Indianapolis. And then we also thought, well, you know, maybe Anthony Richardson and the vertical offense of the Colts is solid. So, you know, maybe those deep balls weren't a big deal. Those deep balls are a big deal because Anthony Richardson has like 50 yards or something right now, and they're not getting the ball vertically down the field. So I think the Texans' rush offense might be a little bit overhyped because of how bad the Colts are. And I think the Texans, how we minimize those deep plays might be something we want to acknowledge could be an

issue. Now, obviously, if you're at home tonight and you let a rookie making a second start ever in his first road start throw deep balls like that, then you really got a fucking concern. But right now, as we sit here at 1.57 p.m. on September 15th watching these noon window games, those are two issues. If you're looking at the Texans, if you're a Texans fan, and who knows, this might come back to sound stupid later, but we'll see. What? Did you say the Chargers need a field goal for you?

I do, yes. They got it. All right, so how many, oh, for those of you, I mean, there's no such thing as just tuning in. This isn't live. This isn't live. This is tomorrow. If you're tuned in, you're fucking tuned in.

But I need a field goal from every team in the NFL today, and if that happens, I win $3,000. Now, obviously, if you're listening to this right now, you'll know if this actually happened or not, but you don't know what my reaction will be because that will come much later in the night. Well, actually, it doesn't include the night game, so it's just noon and then the afternoon slate. So I think we only need like two or three teams, one of them being the Saints, who you would have thought would be guaranteed to get a field goal because the Saints, that's all they did last year. But instead, they're a goddamn, they're the greatest show on turf.

So I need the Jets. I need the Jets. The Saints. The Saints. Do the Giants have one or no? Nope, the Giants do. So I think those are the three. If that does it, it carries it over into the afternoon games

where there's only three games, so that's six teams that need a field. Oh, the 49ers still need one. Okay, so I need four teams to kick a field goal as it stands here at nearly 2 o'clock p.m. Central Standard Time. I need four teams to make a field goal to keep that alive. That was plus 6,000. My advice to you if you do any of these bets, dude, it's fun to take the field goal from every team.

They also do a field goal and touchdown from every team. Last year I did hit one that was a field goal for every team. It was plus $20,000, but I only bet like $5 on it. So it only won like $1,000, I think. Only? I would love a $1,000 win. I know, but I'm a degenerate. But when you see plus $20,000, it makes it difficult. Throw it to Kamara there.

There's 10, no, it'll be seven, eight yards. Listen, the Saints offense is just a beast right now. Derek Carr took his passing yardage over when we were over in Illinois. He's already hit it. He hit it in the first fucking half. He's a machine. Saints are going to the Super Bowl next week. Saints, Eagles in the Dome.

NFC Championship game preview. Let's fucking go. I'm on beer five and a half right now that's good i think i'm on a decent pace that's solid um i need the saints to kick a field goal it's a weird spot to be in because i want them to win but i also want them to kick a field goal they're up 16 they should be up 19 with the ball instead the fat lard as we discussed a second ago that fat son of a bitch tried to pick the ball up and run with it like an asshole instead of just falling on it. If your fat ass falls on it, we got the ball. We're up by three scores, but whatever. It is what it is. All right. We will reconvene in a little bit.

All right. So I'm on beer. I just finished beer six. The good news is the Saints are going to beat the Cowboys today. They may not kick a field goal, so it could kill the parlay bet. But my heart hurts a little bit today because we told Alexandria Palladino. What's Big Dick Evans' last name? Frank. Frank. And we told Alexandria Palladino, Dick Evan Frank, that she should take the Colts to go on the road and beat Malik fucking Wilson.

It's Malik goddamn Willis. He's dog shit. But they're going to lose because Anthony Richardson, as it turns out, is actually more dog shit than Malik Willis. And I said it last week. Just to be fair, if you've listened to this pod, which has only been around, I guess, back in its newest iteration for a week. The Titans scored?

Do we got yards from, do we got any catches from our boy? Well, anyway, none of this matters because I will tell you this. I'm very upset because we screwed her over by saying, hey, take the Colts. I've said it on this podcast. I know the podcast hasn't been around that long. I get that. But I will tell you that I said after we watched the Colts play that everybody's like, oh my God, they have a quarterback in Indianapolis, Anthony Richardson, bliggity blue. Well, let me tell you something about Anthony Richardson. He fucking sucks. He threw three deep balls against the Texans secondary, which it turns out may suck too,

motherfucker, because you know what? The fucking Colts ain't moving the ball against Green Bay's secondary. So I don't know. Look, I feel bad because we steered Allie in the wrong direction. Here's the good news. The good news is we got ourselves a mulligan, essentially. We've already blown one. I knew I should have gone. Look, basically the play should have been whoever is playing the goddamn Panthers pick them. I didn't do it. I took the Colts. I hate Anthony Richardson. Hope he gets hit by a bus. He's terrible. The Colts are terrible. Their rush defense, as it turns out, they are who we thought they were. They're terrible. So again, we don't know if the Texans can actually run the ball or if it's just that terrible Colts. We don't know.

The Texans secondary may be dog shit because we've watched the Texans give up big play after big play to the Colts and the Colts have not moved the ball at all. They have three goddamn points against Green Bay who doesn't have a quarterback. So today is a sad day on that note. I'm sorry, Alexandria, Palladino, Dick, Evan, Frank. I'm sorry. That said, some of the plays are going well. 49ers are going to probably cost me a parlay for money lines. I know that, look, the 49ers, they're dead to me. Brock Purdy's dead to me. I did make a play, though, where I just threw in like eight random quarterbacks for like really low passing yardage totals. I don't know if that's still alive. Also, DeAndrecus only has

one catch. I need him to have three, but it's only the third quarter, so that's still alive also DeAndrecus only has one catch I need him to have three but it's only the third quarter so that's fine uh who knows he still might make two catches I was very confident in that one um the 40 tell you who scored the tut again my favorite David Montgomery David Montgomery you love him you love that guy let me look at my passing yardage one so I would need Minshew to throw for 25 more. Brock Purdy's already got 200. Dax got 225. I would need 50 more from Herbert, but the problem there is they're up 26 to 3 on the Panthers. What was I doing? Allie, I'm sorry. You know, if you don't want to be friends anymore, let's not be friends. You really should abandon me as a friend. You came to me and you trusted me. You trusted me with making you look

like a smart football savant picker person at your work. And I told you to take the goddamn Colts against Malik Willis instead of saying, hey, go against the Panthers who are maybe the worst team in NFL history. I'm sorry. I blew it. You deserve better. And to clarify, we did actually tell her Chargers was the second pick. And then we said, nope, go with the Colts. I know, because I told you that. It's Panthers. I knew it wasn't the Seattle one. I knew that was one that we talked about, but, look, I hate myself.

As I sit here, I'm only six beers deep, and I already hate myself. I'm six beers deep. I got my poor man's burnt ends. Well, right now it's just a chuck roast, but they'll one day be one hour. hour, sometime today be poor man's burnt ends. They may be good, they may not. I don't know. But I'm sad because I screwed over Ali, Palladino, Dick, Evan, Frank. And what was I thinking? Look, why do people even listen to me? As I sit here today, I wonder why you would even listen to my opinion on anything when i told you that we decided to go with the colts as our play now again there's more strategy that goes into it than just like

you know whatever like it was looking down the road like hey this would be a good opportunity for a colts team that i didn't think was very good to beat up on a shitty backup quarterback i get it it's not like like i didn't tell you that the panthers would win today. I told you they'd get their ass kicked. But I decided to go with the Colts because, I mean, the Panthers, I mean, all that said, my heart hurts today. The good news is I've already hit a couple. There's some that are still alive, but that one hurts. And I hope that when the team bus for the Colts is headed to the airport and wherever they fly out of, I don't know if they fly out of Green Bay, Milwaukee, wherever they go, I hope they. It seems like a place where there's fucking moose. And I hope the Saints go kick a goddamn field goal. But, of course, the 49ers don't need a field goal, so I'm not going to hit the field goal bet. I know you got your own lives.

I know we're only in the first leg of games here. I get all this. And by tomorrow, people are going to be like, okay. No, tomorrow they're going to listen to this and be amazed. So this is what it sounds like when a man descends into darkness over the court. That's what this is about. This is about seeing how a man goes from being joyful and he descends

into darkness or he elevates to even greater heights than he's ever known. And I'm giving you great analysis. The Colts, if the Texans do not win this division, they should sell the franchise. That's my hot take today. If you don't win this, they should sell the franchise. That's my hot take today. If you don't win this shitty division, sell the team.

Hot-ass Hannah and mustachioed Cal, you should sell the team. And honestly, they should relocate. If the Texans don't win this shitty division, the whole franchise should relocate. Fire everybody, relocate, be the first team in Brazil. That's what you should be if you don't win this shitty division. My God. All right, I got to watch more football. I'll return when I have another beer.

All right, so here we are. Currently it is now 3.06 p.m. in the Central. Jilly needs a Jaden Daniels touchdown to hit a parlay. All right, what's the play? This parlay had Derrick Henry, check, CeeDee Lamb, check, and David Montgomery, all the score tuds. I'm just missing Jaden Daniels, but I don't feel good about it. Alright, so here's where we sit It's about to thunderstorm on us

I know, we're sitting out in the middle of a mess the wind's picking up, so we may have to go in for the second round of games, but if somehow Jaden runs in a touchdown here you hit a parlay but if some miracle happened and San Francisco kicked a field goal, I think I have a field goal in every fucking game.

I need then a field goal in every game from each team in the later games. So here we go. This is Jelly watching Jaden Daniels. Will he run one in to win this shit against the Giants? No, I feel like they're going to be very safe and just kick the field goal to win. I'll take overtime, too. We need a miss. And Jaden got his passing yards for me.

Thank you. And Gardner. Gardner Minshew coming through. I know. Now, I did tell you guys to take And Jaden got his passing yards for me. Thank you. And Gardner. Gardner Minshew coming through. I know. Now, I did tell you guys to take a Jaden touchdown. That didn't happen. An Eckler touchdown didn't happen. I know I missed a lot of them on my card.

Some were close. Like somehow a miracle almost happened, and Jameer Gibbs ended up two yards short of his, so I was close. Let's see. Jonathan Taylor cost us a lot of parlays. Although the Colts. And by the way, Ali Palladino sending me a damn message saying

you blew the game for me. Oh, fuck you. I like you, but fuck you. So they're going to take a knee here and try to win it with the field goal or the Redskins. All the teams we could have fucking taken, and I'm like, nope, we're taking the Colts. By the way, let me tell you about the Colts. There's no way they missed this, right? No, no. Well, I hope they do for you, but

let me tell you something. I'm going to tell you something. I'm on beer seven right now. Wait missed this, right? No, no. Well, I hope they do for you, but let me tell you something. I'm going to tell you something. I'm on beer seven right now. Wait, one, two, three, four. This is beer eight. Let me tell you something. As we sit here at 307, the Colts are dog shit. And again, if the Texans don't win this division,

everyone should be fired. Everyone. Get rid of them. Fire everyone if they don't win this thing because, dude, everybody was trying to tell me, oh, Anthony Richardson, Anthony Richardson, oh, he's got a big arm. He sucks. He threw like three picks, could have thrown five. He's terrible. Let's see.

Boy, if somehow the Giants block this, this would be a miracle. Let's see what happens here. Boy, the breeze is nice out here, but I feel like we're about to get a storm. It's about to storm bad outside. Oh, no way he's missing. Well, no. Well, let's hope he does. I could kick this.

You could not, but that's fine. Yes, I could. You would not make that kick. Let's see here. Oh, the Jaguars got the ball back against the Browns, though. Well, shit. Don't look. It's going to spoil.

Well, I have to see who's got the ball to know if I want to turn it on. Well, there's other games to turn on. The Ravens game is still tied. I know, but no, the Ravens game. Oh, they did tie it, didn't they? Yeah, they kicked the extra point. And we were already into Cardinals-Rams. So we got a lot of stuff going on here.

I'm in beer eight. Jilly's on beer three. Oh, Taylor is at the Bengals-Chiefs game, so that's when we play the Taylor Swift drinking game, everybody. All right. Super de-duper. Let's see if my man makes this. You'll get Jilly's reaction.

If he misses this, her touchdown parlay is still alive. If he misses it, it'll be a much more fun reaction. I'm already expecting him to make it. He's going to make it. Womp, womp. Yep, he made it. He made it. So ball game over.

So the Redskins have won. Commanders. Oh, shit. My bad. That's stupid. Let's see. I guess we go to Browns and Jags. No, there's not a time.

Look, I'm watching the end of this game. I wanted to watch the end of the Ravens game. Oh, okay. Then we'll watch the end of the goddamn Ravens. You can watch both on the TV. I know. It's very nice. Oh, shit. God we'll watch the end of the goddamn Ravens. You can watch both on the TV. I know. It's very nice. Oh, shit.

God damn it to hell. All right. Let's go to. Seahawks are in overtime. There's a lot to put on. I'm aware. Let's see. View, multi-view games.

View available games. We're going to go Raiders. I really think that all the teams still have a field goal. So, holy cock and balls. I'm alive. Put on the Patriots. That's an overtime. All right.

At this point, I think Arizona's on. All right. Well, we'll worry about that in a second. We're watching some games and their dramatic conclusions here. All right. So, we're in overtime. We're deep into overtime. Is overtime 10 or 15 minutes?

I guess it's 10 minutes. So, here comes Trevorrence who sucks all the balls he's running all right so where we stand right now kiddos is um we've missed some we've hit some i don't know what to tell you i'm not perfect i'm not god but there have been some solid ones and there's some ones that should have hit already but they didn't and look life is life that happens all right so trevor Trevor Lawrence is moving. Look, it'd be great. Like, I would enjoy it.

Now, is it raining in Jacksonville? Yeah. And Deshaun's going to miss his pass yards for me, which had no business happening. That son of a bitch had, like, 108 in the first half. They're not going to get him. But if somehow Jacksonville could score, like, right now, that would be huge because then I might get some

passing yards. The weather, for what it's worth, and this may matter to none of you tomorrow when you're listening to this, the weather has shifted mightily in Kirkwood, Missouri. It's been sunny all day. It is now cloudy and windy and we're sitting outside. We don't have an overhang here, so we're going to see what happens. So what do you have that's still alive? There's one that's really good. I think all I need is an Isaiah Pacheco Tud to hit a touchdown parlay. Well, that's exciting then. Can I tell you who I hate?

It's Anthony Richard. I love him that he sucks, but I hate that he sucked for me today because the Colts winning would have been nice for us, but he's an asshole. He's horrible. We've got C.J. Stroud. He's a god. The Saints have Derek Carr, who, as it turns out, is a god. Clint Kubiak, with a K, is a god. Look, it sucks for Indianapolis that they're stuck with Anthony Richardson. He blows. I don't, I look, I'm not, I don't make the rules. He's terrible.

Um, and we're going to win this division or the Texans very easily. It's going to be a, I mean, just a beat down. I think you're losing this one to Jameer Gibbs by like three yards receiving yards. Yep. I had him by himself. He didn't get it. Um, so that's unfortunate. I don't know what to tell you.

It looks like Seattle. Well, Seattle needs to score a ton. Did they get the ball first and over? Fucking Gino with 327, by the way. There's a lot happening. Let's watch. All right. Well, let's watch.

All right. We will reconvene. All right. We've had to move inside because it's raining. I don't know how long it's going to rain, but we've moved inside. And if you listen, you've been listening because you're listening to this. I thought every team had a field goal. As it turns out, the cocksucking motherfucking shithead Giants

didn't make a field goal. So I thought that I was going to have an opportunity where I would just need six teams to make a field goal down the stretch here to win $3,000 as it turns out. The Giants are assholes and I'd like to curb stomp them like American History X style.

Just bam. But they fucked me. Fucked me good. So I got some parlays going. I got some single bets going as well. The Chiefs are on jelly. You have a lot going in this. This is a big game for you.

That's why we moved inside because we couldn't watch it outside. I didn't realize that my two lasting parlays into the afternoon both have two of the same legs. I hate when that happens. So I really need the Pacheco Tud, and I really need Rashi Rice to score 60 receiving yards. And also Joe Burrow to throw for 225. So let's go Joe.

Oh, they fumbled. Oh, dear. First play of the goddamn game. I think he was out of bounds. Oh, are they going to say, oh, okay, say it was out of bounds. Jesus Christ. Okay, I took Joe's passing. This is a tragedy.

Look, okay, we're going to watch. That is, but I think it was out of bounds. Yeah, it was out of bounds on the recovery. Okay, we're going to watch. That is, but I think it was out of bounds. Yeah, it was out of bounds on the recovery. Okay, we're going to watch some of this. I'm on beer, I think, seven or eight now. I'm very pissed off about the rain. I'm very pissed off that we can't watch this game on our TV outside. I'm very pissed off that the goddamn Giants,

losers on offense, didn't make a field goal. The fucking 49ers had no business making a field goal at the end of the game made one. My heart hurts. I could have won three grand, but at least Joe's looking good. At least Joe's looking good. I got his passing yards. More beer, more football.

Texans later. Will I be awake for it? Probably. Speaking of that, did you hit anything? You hit some things in the first round, right? I have to look. I did. Let me see which plays I did hit and which I didn't't there were a couple that i damn near hit too if so i mean i feel like we need to do a celebratory tequila shot all right we're winning something i know let me see here which games i did hit that colts with the colt like literally somebody put a goddamn banana in the tailpipe of their fucking bus i mean my, my fucking guy. That's a lot.

That pisses me off for multiple reasons. We both had Jonathan Taylor touchdowns in multiple parlays. Also, the Arizona Cardinals are at 14-0. 14? I need 500 passing yards between the two quarterbacks there. So I lost on Deshaun, and I lost. The DeAndre loss hurts, too, like one catch. I lost on Jameer Gibbs.

I lost on Brandon Ayuk. I won on CD, which I said was my favorite. Jane Daniels passing yards I hit. Colts I lost. Gardner Minshew yards I hit. Devontae Adam yards I hit. Malik Willis yards I hit. Derek Carr yards I hit.

So, yeah, I hit it. Like, I basically split in those first games. I say that's worth a shot. Well, we'll do a goddamn shot then. I tell you. Deshawn not hitting that shit is fucking preposterous. Hey, look, there's a good catch from Jamar early, though. Self-insured Jamar Chase.

All right. So, anyway, we will watch some of this and we will reconvene. I think I'm on beer. About to crack open beer eight. The rain doesn't seem like it's going to last long. But, unfortunately, our stupid setup with this god damn Amazon TV we bought we can't have the app for our cable here so we have to watch the Chiefs

inside I'd rather be outside it is what it is what are you going to do we'll see maybe who knows I don't know fuck it I don't know I got my meat on the grill this is chaos right now it sounds like it's chaos we're still hours away from the Texans who are about to win the division tonight at this point the Texans with the Jagu win the division tonight. At this point,

the Texans with the Jaguars losing and the fucking loser Titans, they're owing to the jet. The Colts are losers. The Texans win the division tonight. So, uh, we'll keep an eye on it. All right.

Jilly needs a Pacheco touchdown for a parlay. Chiefs have it at the seven, third and four, but check go on the run. Get in, get in. Oh, he's stuck at the two first down. Give it to him again. Give him to again. All right. So we're in the firstco on the run. Get in! Get in! Oh, he's stuck at the two. First down. Give it to him again.

Give it to him again. Alright, so we're in the first quarter of the... I mean, I need more than just Pacheco, but... Oh, I thought you needed that. Oh, there is one that I need just him to score. That's all you needed. How do I remember? I'm eight beers deep. You're three beers deep. Okay, so Pacheco, they're gonna give him a chance to score here. They're at the

two. It's fourth and one. It's not a first down. You're gonna give him the first to score here they're at the two it's a it's fourth and one it's not a first down give him the first oh i'm still pissed at the giants i i really hope that um that they get punched in the dick all right here we go fourth and one from the three-ish will pacheco get in the end zone and win you a parlay he's going in motion oh they gave to some asshole tackle him okay good oh this is a good shot. That's a first down. So show me what you'll win. What will you win if... My phone's charging.

Oh, okay. I'm not going to worry about that until it gets in. All right. So Pacheco has been the workhorse on this drive. Hell of a drive after the Bengals got a field. Boy, they should have fucking fumbled there. If this little Goldilocks guy gets in the end zone, I'm going to be fucking pissed yeah

but he didn't do that his name is snake or something he had his name is snake no remember he's like last week they told us it's like a pet snake or something pacheco are you in they're giving it to pacheco get in bud they gotta keep giving it to him he's earned it he's earned this if this tud happens as we are uh at uh46 p.m., about eight beers deep, Jilly's on her third, I think. No, I'm on like five. You're not on five. Bullshit.

Okay, four, I think. That's four. But, yeah, you're not on five. We did a shot as well to celebrate the couple of plays I hit and the other ones I missed. Rest in peace. Give it to Pacheco again. Here we go. Second and goal. Give it to Pacheco again. Here we go.

Second and goal. Give it to him. Feed him. Feed him. Oh, they're trying for you. He got stopped. Now they're going to throw it to Travis fucking Kelsey, aren't they? Yeah, they're going to show his dumb whore girlfriend.

They're all playing a little game here. They're all you. So have we talked about this, my theory about the VMAs? I know no one listening to this gives a shit about the VMAs, and we don't really either. But we watched some of the VMAs on Tuesday, mostly because we were bored and there was nothing else to watch. There were so many DraftKings commercials during the VMAs.

I've never seen a sports betting commercial on MTV. All right, we'll get into that after Pacheco here It's third and goal from the two Here we go Maybe I'll throw it to him Here we go They threw it to him Go

He got stopped at the one Go for it They're trying so hard To get you this touchdown I know they are. Yeah, this guy says go. The guy with the gold chain and the Kelsey jersey says go. Let's go.

Oh, God. The Chiefs have such douchey fans. Oh, they're kicking. You sons of bitches kicking a field goal. You know that I needed all these field goals, and the Giants fucked me. Fuck you all. I know. This is the game that you probably thought neither team would kick a field goal.

They just could score. And they're going to kick a field goal from the one now what's your theory back to my theory about the draft kings commercials during the vmas why would they advertise sports betting during the vmas because taylor is giving a shout out to travis during the vmas they want to take the swifties money and i think it's brilliant yeah yeah i. And they'll do it. They should offer like a, hey, Swifties, bet $13, right, for Taylor. Yeah. And then get 87 free bets. That'd be something. They could take their money because they won't know what to bet.

They won't know what to play. No, they'll bet Travis every game. And he doesn't do shit. So that game's. Oh, he will today just to spite me. Yep. So here we are. Oh, he will today just to spite me. Yep. So here we are. Oh, God, I hate him so much.

I don't know why I just made that noise. I'm going to be so pissed when all these games end up with a goddamn field goal. My heart's going to break. I also need passing yards from Bo Nix. I took a shot there. It's 0-0 in that epic contest but the Pittsburgh State wait did you have something with um do you need nause to score oh for yards okay I don't know what to tell you this is how you get to experience our day on a Sunday

hanging out drinking beer making fucking prop bet parlays i think the rain stopped meat still on the smoker haven't pulled it off enough yet to to cut it up god it's only what 349 i did pretty good though early if i would have had a couple of breaks go my way i'd already be even for the day but dude i told you about marvin harrison by the way I said take Marvin. This motherfucker's got 130 yards. It's 21-0 Cardinals. Holy shit. My God, I told you to play that son of a bitch. That was easy peasy.

He's quadrupled the number, the 57-and-a-half. I told you that on the parlay. Here's third and goal for the Steelers. And touchdown for number 80, Washington. Whoever Washington is, he scored a touchdown. But I told you about fucking homeboy Marvin Harrison. I told you. I needed, to be clear, I said this in the pod earlier, I needed Naj to score a Tud,

but that one died on the hands of Jonathan Taylor. Oh, fuck him. Fuck the Colts in general. Lose 17 games, you cunts. Fucking hate them. Yeah, so the Cardinals are up 21-0. My man Matt Stafford has 15 passing yards. Kyler's got 166.

So I also took a play that was 500 yards between the two of them, and Matt Stafford's going to have to throw for an eternity dude the cardinal scoring drive was 13 plays 99 yards eight and a half minutes jesus christ jesus christ what are we doing uh but anyway so that's where we're at now the cardinals gonna be good no the cardinals aren't gonna be good the rams are gonna be bad but um anyway so we'll reconvene here in a little bit it's been a fun time we're going to continue to drink and the Texans haven't even played yet my god it's a day all right admittedly I have no idea what the last thing we said was but it is uh five oh sorry 456 we said was uh what's his face not scoring that 10 oh Pacheco so since the last time Pacheco didn't score he has still not scored it

is half time of the chiefs game jelly still needs a pacheco touchdown to hit a parlay in that time we've also ordered and eaten taco bell because apparently there is like a free delivery if you order one of these cantina tacos thanks to fucking davante adams and who hit for me today as well, so double whammy. We're about to get some more beers. I just found out from my dad that I got Saints tickets for next week, so we were already going to Baton Rouge anyway. We've adjusted our things, so we're going to go see LSU and the Saints next week because, look, the Saints are going to the Super Bowl.

That's fine. Next weekend we probably have a matchup between – look, look, I don't want to speak. Oh, wow. I got a pint. Thank you, Julie. Um, I don't want to say like, I don't want to just, you know, get ahead of myself. Eagles Saints NFC championship matchup next week, uh, in the dome. And apparently my dad says I got tickets.

So go into that. Also, by the way, all you sons of bitches, I told you to take Marvin Harrison. That sack of shit's got like 150 yards today, so that was easy peasy. I'm on beer nine now, and this is a pint, so this is almost like nine and ten. Kyler's got 237 passing yards.

I took him and Matt Stafford to combine for 500, so that's got a shot. So going to see LSU next week. Decidedly not the best team in the world. The Saints, clearly the best team in the NFL, and that's

going down. So, we're going to go to that game next week. We're going to see two football games in the state of Louisiana next week. Love going to Louisiana. That'll be fun. And we got that so then we still got uh well we with five minutes to go in the third in this Rams game I don't even know if they're gonna bother putting uh Stafford even in the game anymore so I don't know if my 500 yards are in jeopardy I still need Bo Nix to throw for uh like a 140 more it turns out he and Sean Payton together, two fuck faces that can't do a goddamn thing together,

which is fine because I always said that Dennis Allen was a better coach than Sean Payton. I always said that. I didn't because no one has ever said that. But Dennis Allen today for this brief moment in time is a better coach than Sean Payton. And we need some passing yards from Bo Nix. We need some more throwing from Kyler, and Jelly needs a Pacheco Tud.

It is currently almost 5 o'clock in the Central. I got my meat still on the grill out there. It's got to do some smoking, and there's a ways to go. But then we get football tonight with the Texans who are going to beat the shit out of the Bears. Life will be good. Beer is tasty. Going to Louisiana next week. It's pretty clear that the best teams in the NFL are the New Orleans Saints who are going to the Super Bowl. That's

pretty clear. The Cowboys are terrible. The Broncos who are watching now are terrible. The Rams are terrible. They're about to go to 0-2 there's just obvious thing oh dude oh by the way the fucking uh look and I got Allie talking shit to me because I fucked up her play fine I deserve it but who would have thunk that the Colts are as legitimately bad as they are they are they're awful uh their rush defense stinks I But I did tell you, I told you that that motherfucker is not good, this Anthony Richardson. He's terrible. I told you this. He's awful. The Texans don't win the division, fire everybody, move the team to Saskatoon, Canada. That would be my suggestion. All right, so the Cardinals just made a 58 yard field goal they're up 31 on the

rams that game is over that's a battle of two teams that made the right decision in life and got the fuck out of st louis so a battle of those two teams it is currently a beat down for the big red we'll see what happens maybe matt stafford will keep throwing maybe he won't i don't know maybe he'll throw maybe he won't we'll find out and uh get some maybe some hits here bo nicks you're fucking trash and uh life is good life is good we got football god i love that the texans are on tonight i love that the sunday night game is not some game that i'm like i don't give a shit like oh it's seattle versus the cardinals or some shit no it is our houston texans taking on the dipshit sons of bitches from Chicago. Life is good.

This is going to be a good podcast for you folks. You're going to be listening to this. Holy shit, this guy is on beer 9 and 10, and he's not even fucked yet. They just had Taco Bell, and it was delicious. We got meat on the grill. Life is good. Jeez Louise. And we're at halftime of the Chiefs game.

Jilly just needs a Pacheco Tud for a par. We'll have nine more yards from Rashi. No, but Pacheco by himself is, yeah. He would, yes, but if I can get the Rashi yards, then we're really going. Well, we'll find out. I got some parlays going. Life is good. By the way, fuck the Giants.

I hate them. I hate their dipshit coach. I hate their weird cross-eyed fuckface goddamn quarterback not kicking a field goal for me. Decided to fuck me in the ass. A lot of things, but we will reconvene. Fuck, this Joker movie looks awesome. Shit.

What time is it right now? It is 6.07, so there's only two games still going on. Chiefs, which, by the way, Jilly just hit a parlay. Everybody, congratulations to Jilly. Still waiting on that Pacheco, Ted, but this one's a hit. That's the one I'm waiting on. Hold on, let me update. What's the one I hit?

It was CeeDee Lamb, 80 receiving yards. Gardner Minshew, 200 passing yards. Najee Lamb, 80 receiving yards. Gardner Minshew, 200 passing yards. Najee Harris, 60 rushing yards. And Rasheed Rice, 60 receiving yards. Boosted on DraftKings at 1033. Look at you. She's the goddess. She's the prop goddess.

A Pacheco Tud would be another big win, so. Yeah, we need a Pacheco Tud. I take it personally that Andy Reid threw to the backup left tackle in the end zone. Yeah. What the hell was that? Yeah, that's a tough one. That's a personal slight against me. I also need Denver.

Can you check the passing yards for Bo Nix? He's at 178. I think that's a hit then. Run, Bo. Get a first down. I think that's a hit then. Run, Bo. Get a first down. I think 178's a hit. If so, rock on, Bo Nix. Also, talk about the field goal.

Oh, God. Let me tell you something. My dick hurts. I think that the $3,000 victory was a plus 6,000 parlay. It wasn't even a parlay. It was just a thing that's available for everybody to take. Okay, he's definitely got it now. Good job, Bo Nix.

You suck ass, but you did enough. I told the listeners of the pod I said to take Bo Nix passing. I said that. But I think I'm going to miss every team to make a field goal by the fucking New York Giants. These cocksucking motherfuckers. God damn it. Every team to make a field goal by the fucking New York Giants. These cocksucking motherfuckers. God damn it.

The Giants, who have no business ever scoring touchdowns, didn't get one field goal. And I think that's the difference in the whole thing. My heart hurts. Ah, shit. So now, Jilly needs the Chiefs to get the ball back and have a Pacheco touchdown. I know, I'm torn, because I want the Bengals to win, but I also really would like that Pacheco done. Listen, we have no real rooting interest in this game, so your rooting interest should exist in your parlay hitting. No, I root for Joe Burrow.

Well, we root for Joe Burrow, and I like Joe Burrow, but if it were down to Joe Burrow winning the game and you winning 50, 60 bucks, I would take the win. I guess. But we shall see. Because it shouldn't have come down to this. Because Pacheco should have had the touchdown on the opening drive, and Pacheco should have had that touchdown.

They had the guy with the little Goldilocks hair, and then the tackle catch the tide. Well, I think I'm 11 beers in. I did have a pint mixed in with my 12-ouncers. We're about an hour away from the texans game if somehow this game could go to overtime and just bleed into like 7 30 that'd be nice kansas city could get that two point that'd be great but we shall see but as it stands now friends uh we are just near merely about an hour and 10 away from the start of the texans game about 11 beers in i've been

trying to pace myself a little bit better today. We've done two shots, maybe three. I'm not sure. Shit. Saints are going to the Super Bowl. Colts are terrible. I'm just trying to remember everything that happened today. Saints Super Bowl.

Colts terrible. Jacksonville sucks. Texans have already won the division. I enjoy that the Ravens are 0-2. That makes me happy. Lamar sucks, but nobody wants to say he sucks for whatever reason. He runs real fast. Good for him.

That's short. He's short. Nope, they're giving it to him. Ah! That's big. That's going to run a lot of time. You love Gusecki. Dude, so let me tell you why I love Gusecki.

So Gusecki used to be the tight end for the the um dolphins and back when i had my squad on madden i uh i signed uh signed andrew luck as a free agent not possible well he was retired but he wasn't he went totally so i signed andrew luck as a free agent and i also had antonio brown as a free agent and so i and then i traded for jj watt. And then we won like four Super Bowls. Like Gusecki. No, well, Gusecki was already on the Dolphins. Oh, okay. So he was already there, and I would just throw the little pass over the middle to him all the time.

Listen, I'm a G. But I am very – and you know what else a ball buster? I should have had the 500 passing yards in the fucking Cardinals-Rams game, but the Rams got beat so badly. Oh, and Cooper Cup died. That would have been another parlay for me. Yep. So I missed it by about 18 yards on that. That was a dick punch.

You do realize, though, that if Cincinnati does not run out the clock or score a touchdown here, the Chiefs are going to win with 420 to go. Well, if that happens, I hope it's with a fucking goddamn Pacheco touchdown. All right, first and 10, handoff. That's going to pick up about three. So the Chiefs are somehow going to win this fucking game. It's going to happen. And then there were so many games I was close.

There's no reason why Deshaun Watson shouldn't have thrown for his yards, which I think was like 211. Told you he'd play a better game, and I told you, whatever, doesn't matter. Doesn game, and I told you. Whatever. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. I told you, but it doesn't matter. I don't know what I'm going to do for an hour. I got my meat still in the smoker.

I just put it in some fucking broth. I may have to get out the Yahtzee for an hour. We have to go wipe off the table. It rained, and we'll watch the Texans outside tonight. I tell you what. Somehow the Chiefs are going to get the ball back with a chance to win this game, though, ands are going to get the ball back with a chance to win this game though and they're going to win this goddamn game joey second and six

oh it was incomplete all right so anyway we shall resume uh boy the texan should be fun tonight friends because uh i'm not necessarily drunk yet but i've had some booze today so we shall see and we will resume our fun drinking gambling sunday and a little bit well looks like the chiefs are gonna win with 32 seconds to go they're down two just got another pass interference like there's no way the Chiefs are going to lose. Like, I'm watching this, and I'm like, oh, it's fourth and 16. Something's going to fucking happen. And, of course, something did. A goddamn pass interference.

So now the Bengals are going to be 0-2. But at least Taylor has to sit in that booth and root for fucking He-Man woman hater Harrison Butker to make a kick at least. Oh, yeah. That'd be funny if they show her, like hater Harrison Butker to make a kick at least. Oh yeah, that'd be funny if they show her like celebrate Harrison Butker. Celebrate Harrison Butker who hates women.

Do it! Bitch! Tell you, this is upsetting. I don't know why I hate the Chiefs so much, but I just do. But, um, so Butker, the guy the whole world hates, the guy who hates women apparently the swifties hated him oh yeah the swifties who are the dumbest cunts on the planet but whatever they hate him so

now they got a route for him to make a kick so their boyfriend travis can win dick today he didn't do dick ever travis sucks he's just a fucking podcaster, a more successful podcaster than I, I may say. Can't be mad. I'm 100 mil. Well, yeah, he's got 100 mil as a podcaster because fucking Taylor. That's all the reason. Otherwise, that podcast ain't worth a pot to piss in. Well, it's probably worth something, but not 100 million.

But not a pot to piss in. God damn it. All right, it's third and eight, beers deep 34 yard line fumble the fucking ball you ucla cunt that's that fucker that beat us a couple years ago at lsu that fucking dick face i think he may have been there i don't know well now you gotta root for the trumper go root for the trumper to make it you frauds go so Go. So now you got to root for him. That's how it works. Show Taylor.

Show Taylor, you cowards. Show her. Put her in the booth. I want to see it. I want to see it. Show Taylor's face when she celebrates. All we need is like Travis just runs out and blocks his own kicker's thing for his lady. He's like, nope, I support women.

We love lady women's. nope i support women we love lady women's poor joe with his dumb hair i've had that dumb hair in the past so i get how much of a bitch is jamar come on dude that costing him that fucking that penalty was such bogus shit you whiny fuck well show taylor i want split screen. Split screen, CBS. He me drilled it. Oh, see? Now you love the Trumper, don't you, you Kansas City fucks? Show Taylor.

Show her. You cowards. You cowards. Oh, there she is. Oh, yeah. Oh, she's celebrating that that the fucking trump or woman hater made a kick you fraud kamala 2024 god fucking damn it don't smile they got lucky that's bullshit i tell you what at least the texans play, so I have to stay sober enough to watch. God, yeah, Taylor's hugging.

Yeah, where are our fucking fraud-ass, loser-ass fans now? That man hates women, and you're celebrating him. Your boyfriend did dick. Anyway, we'll be back. All right, it's the end of the first quarter in the Texans game. What's the score, 3-3? So 3-3. I was just putting our meat.

I was cubing up our meat to make some burn in, so I didn't see a ton of shit happening. Jilly, how are you feeling? Okay. I think we're good. I mean, I think we're fine. I think we're going to win this thing, but I guess we'll see.

We're going to watch some football football here been drinking a lot of beer i think i'm on 12 13 i don't know where the fuck i am at this point who knows but we're gonna find out and i'm gonna drink some more beer and then tonight if we win tonight might be a nice old school 1990s country party in the backyard while we eat poor man's burnt hands let's go all right it's near the end of the first half of the Texans game. We've had a lot of beer. Kiami Fairbairn's going to attempt his third field goal of the day. If he makes this long-ass field goal, the Texans will be up 16-10. Is that the score? Yeah, it'll be 16-10.

And if he makes this, we'll do a shot, Jelly says. This is about 60 yards. Let's see if K he makes this we'll do a shot jelly says this is six about 60 yards let's see if kai makes this one and the kick is up and it is it's it is yep he got it yay shots good job jelly round them up so where we stand right now is uh there's still one second jesus christ it should be halftime jesus but anyway the texans are up by six we have already hit the over for receiving yards that we predicted for um uh joe mixon we also need a tud from him but who knows my god i love seeing houston on tv every time they show the downtown every time i, I mean, they show, I just love this fucking place. I love you, Houston. I love you. I love you. I love you. It's a beautiful city.

God, do I love this city so much. Oh, God, I cannot tell you how much I love Houston, Texas. Oh, God, I should have never fucking left the first time I left. Although, I guess, if we're being fair, I guess leaving to go to Philly was a good idea and and I should have behaved myself better in Philly I guess but I love this fucking town man oh I love it so much but anyway Texans are up six going to half more than likely it's going to be six I'd say 99.9% likely it's that and uh there you go. So where are we at booze wise? I mean, I don't even, I've lost track of beers, 14, 15. I don't fucking know. I've been drinking since noon-ish, but here we are, here we are. And we're at halftime after Fairbairn kicks this one off.

We should be at halftime and then we're ready to go. I have found out that I will have tickets for the Saints game next week. I know we've probably talked about that, but I don't know for a fact that we have. But I should have tickets for the Saints game next week because we're going to Louisiana. I'm excited about that. And LSU and UCLA, that's good. So we're going to halftime, 16-10 Texans. I tell you what, as my grandma, I tell you what. That's my grandma.

I tell you what. So I'm probably going to be staying up late after Jilly goes to bed, listen to some old country. So who knows if this podcast will continue or not. We got some booze here. I'm going to have to go take those burnt ends out of the smoker. Oh, here. Here, do it again.

Can you not break this shot? I know, I'm a mess. I love D'Amico. What a man. He's a nice man. Whew. We haven't discussed Luther on the podcast. Would you like to discuss Luther on the podcast would you like to discuss

Luther on the podcast? not at this moment but we should we will at some point we have Luther's shot glasses that's why I brought it up yep but we haven't really talked about that we haven't talked about that and I feel like we should yep hey there's

John Harris he's a let me tell you speaking of Luther John Harris is a very nice guy so John's dog died not too long ago and I sent him a message. But John. I was wondering where you were going with that. I'm like, speaking of Luther. No, but it works because John sent me a message when Luther died to let me know that he appreciated. Dude, John Harris, such a nice guy in Houston.

I'm glad that he was, oh God, there's Houston. Look at that. Oh God, that's our town. Beautiful. I'm glad that he was, oh God, there's Houston. Look at that. Oh God, that's our town. I love it so much. We lived right in the heart of that fucking downtown, man. Right down there. We lived down there. I lived in Edo once. I lived in Midtown once. We lived in downtown once and I lived in uh was it university city is that where i live west you so university cities here in st louis uh i lived in west you but when i first moved there i lived off abyssinat and then so i lived there then i got the place in edo with ben

and jesus joel and i was basically the only one that ever stayed there. And me. And you, yes. I think I took over Ben's rent is what I did. You did. And then you and I eventually went to the Houston house after that and lived there for about a year. And then when we came back,

we lived in that awesome townhouse off of Bailey Street. Which, fun fact about the Houston house, Fred Fowler, may he rest in peace, also lived there, and I had no idea at the time. Me neither. And another man that we know, Vern, who is also dead, rest in power, was this nice man who we would go to Johnny McElroy's

and meet up with him. We just met him at the bar. He was from, like, North Louisiana. Yeah, and we would just... Loved LSU. We just watched LSU games at Johnny McElroy's's what was that 20 i mean when we lived there so 2017 and 18 probably it wasn't the year they won the championship i don't think verne would have been pumped i miss verne verne was great so verne house man yeah so houston house so i remember one time

being in the elevator when i was still at 610 in 2013 and one time being in the elevator when I was still at 6'10 in 2013. And I remember being in the elevator with Fred Fowler. But I knew it was Fred Fowler, but I never said anything. And now you fast forward to, you know, whatever. And now I know Fred Fowler. And, well, he's dead now. I miss Fred. I like Fred. I miss him.

Well, because Fred was a great guy. And Fred liked me. And AJ aj you know obviously works in san antonio now but um god that was great and then vern who was just this random dude that we met at this bar found out that he's from like north louisiana loved lsu and he loved like we would what song we play uh suspiciouspicious Minds? He loves Suspicious Minds. He loves Suspicious Minds. So I'd get on the jukebox and play the fucking Suspicious Minds. We all go nuts.

You did Journey, too? He did. There was a random song by Journey that no one else in the world gives a shit about. But it's a song called I'll Be Alright Without You. And I would play that. He was singing that. I'm like, you know this fucking song? He's like, oh, yeah, that's my song.

I'm like, holy shit, Vern. But yeah, he's dead. Do you remember that time when Vern brought his Louisiana friend to McElroy's? Oh, that was like his best bud. Yeah. We had a time. That was a good time. But yeah, I don't know how far into the beer. How many beers have you had? I don't count like you do. I mean, you've probably had six, seven. I don't know. far into the beer. How many beers have you had? I don't count like you do. I mean, you've probably had six, seven. I don't know. Somewhere in there.

I've probably had like 15. I don't know. I plan on, after watching this Texans victory, my hope is to sit my ass up here and listen to some classic country for a little bit and drink some more beer. Oh, shit. I got to go get those burnt ends out of the fucking smoker in a second. But what a day i you know it'd be nice if i can maybe get a touchdown i'll take a touchdown from joe mix nor is already guys receiving yards which is nice

isaiah pacheco's leg may be broken you see that's what you get i sound horrible saying that but you guys should have let him run it in it could have been his last touchdown you don't know i feel bad for him yep jelly says you know what you bitches should have done? No, you threw it to their backup left tackler, whoever the fuck that was. Yep. And you know what happens? Now your running back's got a broken leg. Andy.

Maria Taylor. Wonderful legs, by the way. It's halftime, 16 to 10 Texas. Maria Taylor, she just shit out a kid. Looks amazing. She looks great. Her legs are muscular and beautiful. She'd hate me because I'm a white.

That's fine. But, like, beautiful lady, amazing legs, nothing wrong with that. I mean, just wonderful. And then speaking of guys who look like doofs, fucking Jason Garrett, total fucking pasty red-haired doof fuck. That's fine. I don't know what to tell you. Saints going to the Super Bowl.

They beat your former team, Jason. We're going to go see the Saints next week in a matchup of what's going to be the NFC Championship game preview. Maybe I'll see Tank. I'll text Tank tonight and let you know what he says. But I'm going to text Tank because he's going to the game and so is Angelo. Let's find Angelo. Jilly's obsessed with Angelo. I love Angelo.

So we're going to see. But Texans should win. They're up 16-10. They're not going to lose this fucking game to some rookie. They're not going to lose the goddamn game to some rookie goddamn quarterback. It's not going to happen. I'm not going to hit my parlay either. Oh, God, look at this fucking dickhead.

Dude, why are you wearing blue on blue? Look at this asshole. Fucking blue on blue. You look like a dickhead, fucking Phil Simms kid. You look like a shithead. Don't wear blue on blue. Who wears blue on blue like that? You look like a turd Ferguson.

But anyway, so what are you laughing at? It says... I'm not a fantasy manager, but I do. Isaiah Pacheco fantasy managers are fuming Well they are That's when he threw the touchdown We don't play fantasy football because we're legit gamblers We have a degenerate problem

We don't care about your fantasy football Also the Pacheco injury in slow motion This poor guy Apparently he was on the verge of tears According to something I just read Dude his leg just got mangled Yeah he's fucked But you know what

if you would have scored a touchdown for my lady your leg would be fine also back to that bangles game while we're still at halftime we were talking about this like Jamar Chase and his stupid uh was it unnecessary roughness they called on him well he was fighting it was like an unsportsmanlike unsportsmanlike and then he like threw a hissy fit and kept yelling and throwing his helmet Nico got that in the Texans game and then came back in the next play and scored a tight. Like, that's how you react, Jamar. Like, God. I know.

How are the Bengals going to win the division with this nonsense? I know. But here we are. Here we sit at 9.02 p.m. Even Joe was yelling at him. Did you see that? Joe was like, what the fuck are you doing? He pushed him.

He goes like, bro, chill the fuck out. And, Even Joe was yelling at him. Did you see that? Joe's like, what the fuck are you doing? He pushed him. He goes like, bro, chill the fuck out. And of course, that cost him. And then they march down the field and they get the field goal. And here we are. So it's 902 p.m. on a Sunday. We started this back at about noon. So we're about nine hours deep.

Got some beers going. Also, leave comments. Like, tweet me or tweet Josh. Like, do you enjoy us doing this? Or is this dumb for you to listen to the next day? I'm curious. So we can do it more Sundays. But I want to know if you guys enjoy it. Well, I guarantee they do.

Because we're also adding insight into what we think of the teams. Like, for instance, yes, I think the Saints, they might be pretty good. I think that the Colts are dog shit. So, like, there's all these things we can add into this. I think people like this. But if you want to send Jelly a message, send me a message. No, I like doing it. I just want to make sure people enjoy it.

Like, is this weird to listen to? Real-time Sunday on a Monday? I don't know. No, I think people dig it. I think it's what they're into. Well, that's why I'm asking. Well, I think they like it. I like people's opinions.

Well, I guarantee you people dig this. Well, once they listen to it, I got to... We haven't even posted this shit yet. It's 9 so i'm gonna put this up tonight it'll show up in tomorrow morning i'll be hammered tonight and people will listen to it tomorrow and go like holy shit this shit rules probably if i had to get god the legs on this maria taylor my god she looks fantastic she looks great she shat out a kid oh what a what an angel i mean those legs i mean like if she wrapped her legs around your throat she'd strangle you you'd be dead but anyway so uh texans are up six and uh the chicago bears will get the ball to start the

second half so that's not the worst case scenario for them. CJ Stroud, as much as I love him, has horrible hair. It's terrible, but that's fine. All right, so we will reconvene in a little bit. We've been out here, but we're having a good time, drinking beer. Starting this about noon. I really got to go get those burnt ends off there and let them sit for a little bit and see if they're any good. We will reconvene in a little bit.

All right. Shit. It's the end of the third quarter. Texans are up six. I've had some beers and some burnt ends. Poor man's burnt ends, mind you. They're pretty good. Here we are.

I don't know if the Texans are going to hold. I feel pretty confident the Texans are going to hold. Look, I feel pretty confident the Texans are going to win. If the Texans lose, I'll punch myself in the dick. They're not going to lose. They're going to be 2-0 after this. I have zero belief in the Bears' offense. So the Bears may shut them down the rest of the game, but the Bears ain't going to move the ball down the field and score a goddamn touchdown. It's not going to happen. So here we sit at 10.02 p.m. We're about, shit, 10 hours or so into our party here. And I feel pretty confident that the Texans are going to win. Actually, I guarantee they're going to win. They're going to win. Now, I would really like a touchdown from Joe Mixon because I bet that my parlay is sort of alive.

So we'll see. And I've already got his receiving yards. That's good. But we'll see. But either way, give some credit to myself for being a decent gambler in this game. But who knows? I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know where Jilly went.

Ah, shit. We're going to see. When this game's over, I'm going to sit my fat ass down here while Jilly goes to bed. And I'm going to listen to classic country music on my Bluetooth. Drink some more beer. I don't know how many beers I've had. I've had a good amount. 14, 15.

I don't fucking know. But we're going to see. And the Texans aren't going to lose this. You can take whatever you want. Oh, God, there's Houston. Oh, what a good shot. That's right over there in Herman Park area. Oh, Luther loved Herman Park.

I miss my boy so much. I miss him. I had a dream about him the other night. Jilly's not around, so I can tell you that I had a dream about my boy. And it was like he was there, but I couldn't touch him. It was so weird, but I love my little boy so much. But he loved Herman Park. But anyway, all right. It is fourth quarter, 15 minutes to go. Texans up six, third down and eight. Let's watch this play together. Third and 8. And...

Oh, he caught it! Fucking Nico's a beast. Alright, so moves the ball. We'll check in a little bit. Alright, it's 10-19. Been out here for about 10 hours-ish, give or take. And the Texans are up 19-10 on the Bears.

This thing's over with nine and a half minutes to go. There's no way they're going to lose unless they do something really fucking stupid. Maybe we can get a Joe Mixon tut. I'd take that. But the parlay is not going to hit. That's fine because the Texans are going to win but i would gladly gladly take the um the victory uh and a joe mix and tut but uh jilly here you are the texans are two and oh i know i mean this should have been a blowout though that's what

concerns me i think it's good they're playing the shitty teams early because the colts and bears are both pretty terrible and they've both been way too close of games well yes i mean but you were on the road for that game against the as bad as the colts are you on the road tackle this guy tackle him because we got to get to 28 in the end zone uh cam acres look at him um but uh i'm not as distraught or angry over the Colts because you were on the road, who knows. This game, I would feel like you should beat them by more, but you punch one in here, you're going to beat them by two touchdowns, and that's about it.

You were a six-point favorite. So I'm not overly concerned. Look, the Texans gave up zero zero as far as i can recall zero big plays today that dipshit uh the the fucking uh richardson gave through like four three or four last week so that does like that's good and uh look there's nothing to worry about here eight minutes to go exactly and you're up nine. You're driving. About to put this shit away. Game's over.

You're 2-0. That's all that matters, man, 2-0. These are professional football players on the other side too, brother. So let's go. I don't think that Mixon's going to even get in the game the rest of the way. I don't think he should. I do. Now, this says Texans offense rushing only 69 tonight.

But, like, again, it is what it is, man. Because they were playing the Colts. Apparently the Colts are the worst rushing defense in the history of football because they were fucking dreadful. But, anyway, let's see if we can get a touchdown here from Mixon if they'll put him in. They may not put him back in, which is fine. Why would they?

He's somewhat hurt. Well, they should put him in because they care about me. That's why they should put him in because I'll take that Tud. That would be nice, but we'll see. Either way, lots of beer tonight. Jilly and I have been watching the ballgames. We'll see what happens. Texans are going to win. Jilly will probably go to bed soon and I'll sit out here and listen to Old Country.

Hey, why is Snoop D-O-double-G? Snoop, that's C.J. Straud's former coach. Snoop D-O-double-G. That's Snoop D-O-double-G. It'd be nice if we can get a Tud from Mixon. Otherwise, it is what it is. Well, either way. Well, let's see. So the Texans currently are up 9.hd's got uh 240 with 720 to go

is Mixon back in the game or no you guys gonna play him or no no he's not in the game uh he's down inside the five give it to Mixon come on do it for your boy do it for your boy do it for your boy i just don't think they're gonna put him back in they probably won't but they should because you want that tud he's cam acres tud incoming nope no cam acres tub we're against the cam acres tub we want the the tud here to go up by 19 or 18 17 18 put mixing in the game from if cam acres scored that tub they would also go up by, you know. I don't give a shit, but they care about me because I love them.

Hey, let's see if Mixon's in the game. Come on, Mixon. I don't think that's Mixon. God damn it. Give it to Mixon. Nope. Akers, you're not tough enough. You're not fabulous. He fumbled it you're not fabulous he fumbled it that cocksucker

fumbled it you son of a bitch he fumbled it did the Bears get the ball did the Bears get the ball inside the five he fumbled it and they got it that's what you get that's what you get let's see who got the ball

like your god damn you deserve to fumble that shit. You deserve it to not put Mixon in. Did the Bears get it? Did the Bears? They did. Yep, good for you. You know what? Fuck you, Texans.

There's a lot of Bears fans there. Well, no shit. But, like, you deserve that. You deserve that, D'AmAmico because instead of giving the ball to fucking Mixon who's a touchdown machine you gave it to this Akers cock knock and now he fumbled so now no one's gonna get the touchdown you're a piece of shit they're all pieces of shit god damn it god fucking damn it all we needed was that if you would have given the ball to my boy Mixon he would have scored the Tud. I would have hit my bet.

But instead, you decided to punch me in the dick. I hate you. I hate everybody. We will resume later. Well, I didn't anticipate this, but the Texans are going to have to pump with $1.45 to go, only up by six, and the Bears are going to have a chance to win it. However, I'm guaranteeing as I'm drunkenly sitting here at 1042 that there is no way the Bears win this game.

0.0% chance the Bears win. Texans are punting. Bears are going to catch it at the 21-ish. Do you agree that the Texans don't lose? I don't know. There's no way the Texans lose this because the Bears have done nothing offensively at all. They've done nothing. I tell you what, this epic day of football consumption and beer consumption, there's no way, no way. I'm going to stop here in a second. There's no way the Bears win.

All right. Texans won. We got an owl hooting. I don't know if you can hear that. I don't know if they can. I don't know if they can hear that, but yeah. There's an owl hooting. I don't know if you can hear that. I don't know if they can. I don't know if they can hear that, but yeah. There's an owl hooting. So there's that.

Texans are 2-0. The New Orleans Saints are going to the Super Bowl. Wow. That fucking... Let me tell you a story. I've never told this on the pod, but a couple months ago, me and Luther, may he rest in peace, rest in power, King. We were at the... It's fucking Al.

I doubt you guys can hear this, Al. Al, talk to the people. I thought he might. I don't know. talk to the people. Dude, this owl is nuts. So me and Luther were at this trail a couple months ago before he went to the, to the upper room and, uh this fucking owl this fucking house nuts um so we were at this uh we were at this trail and i'm like oh there's some i'm just walking and i didn't even notice i'm like oh there's some sort of bird this motherfucker like got his fucking wings out and his fucking talons i'm like holy shit this is the most frightening thing i've ever seen. Dude, owls will fuck you up. That's like that documentary on Netflix where the owl pushed that motherfucker down the stairs.

Although it probably didn't happen that way, but it could have. I bet Luther wasn't scared of the owl, though. No, Luther didn't give a fuck, but I did. I was frightened as fuck. Dude, this owl. This fucking owl. We've been at this shit damn near 12 hours. We got owls hooting. We got, uh,

I don't know if you guys are going to be able to hear that on the pod, but this fucking owl is fucking batshit. You seem decent, Al. You do. I tell you what. But either way, Texans won 19 to 13, so that's good. And it's wild that this owl makes the same sound every time. It's not like it varies. There's no variation. There's no like, and then like he literally makes the same fucking sound every these owls are fuck is that an owl i think that's an owl i think it's an owl this owl's fucking with me i know i don't know if you guys can hear it on the pod i'll'll find out tomorrow, I guess. But Jesus, this fucking owl. This motherfucker's hooting like a motherfucker. It's the exact same fucking thing every time.

He doesn't vary. He doesn't go like, and then like, he goes, every time. This fucking owl. By the way, I did get stung by a bee earlier hold on owl dude this owl is bonkers but uh i did get stung by a bee earlier i think it was a bee but jilly when she gave me that uh lotion to make me itch less it was uh i think so yeah you did you grabbed it dude this this fucking owl is bad shit this owl is bonkers okay but um so the texans they're two and oh saints are two and oh i mean I mean, we got football going on.

We got Monday night, tomorrow night. We're going to sit right here and watch Monday night football. Life's going to be good. What a time. What a time. I've had lots of beer. Jilly's probably going to go to bed in a little bit. She's got to go to work tomorrow.

Some of us have to actually work. What? Some of us have to work. Yeah, well, I don't. So I'm going to sit here and listen to classic country music because I'm awesome. And then we'll see what happens. I feel like you might not have that much beer left, though. Oh, there's plenty of beer left.

There was a bunch of beer in the fridge still. I mean, we've had some beer, though. I lost count of how much I've drank. Probably 14, 15, 16, something like that. But look, football, man. I don't know what to tell you. Football's a wild time. Who?

Jane Daniels' most rushed in the first two games, I think in the Super Bowl era or some such shit. Whatever. I'll take that. Didn't run for a ton. But you know, they kicked what, seven field goals, was it? The only team that didn't kick a field goal were the cocksucking motherfucking Giants. And if the Giants would have kicked a field goal, we would have had every team to kick a field goal that would have won $3,000

for us, plus $6,000. That one is funny, though. The Giants scored, what, three touchdowns and lost, and the Commanders had seven field goals? Yes. And so the Giants ended up with, what, 18 points or something like that. They missed an extra point in two two point conversions

ah if that would have hit it was plus 6 000 we put 50 bucks on it it would have been plus 3 000 but i don't just tell you you still have money to get brake pads i got i guess i got money to get i will get brake pads this week then we're going to baton rouge this weekend but did you all hear that he says he's getting brake pads this week let's see if that happens we'll find out but i i that's the plan plans to get brake pads this week and then um then we're going to baton rouge this weekend we're going to go uh see uh the tigers and then we're going to go see the saints. My dad claims he's got Saints tickets. Saints are a machine right now.

They've scored the fourth most points in the history of the first two games of a season ever. So there's that. I think I told you guys they'd go to the Super Bowl. They're going to. That's of. Colts suck. We knew that.

The Bears suck. We knew that The Bears suck We knew that Titans suck We knew that Trying to list all the teams that suck versus who's good Look I let you down on a couple of plays I get it I respect that I let you guys down

But I love beer So I love beer I'm going to drink some more beer and listen to some classic country. Maybe a little Conway Twitty, maybe a little Waylon Jennings, maybe a little Johnny Cash. I don't fucking know. Maybe a little, who's that blind son of a bitch? Who's the blind guy, the, the fucking, uh, the, the, the, how, how do I not know the blind son of a bitch that sings country music? What am I doing with my life? Ronnie Millsap, that blind son of a bitch. We're going to listen to him.

Maybe the Oak Ridge boys, the low Vira. That'd be a little oom, pop, oom, pop, a mouth. Now that'd be good. Ah, shit. That owl stopped hooting What No there's no bug spray So anyway

Um Boy I tell you what though This is a beautiful Sunday out here though We've had a good time Lots of beer lots of good times Good times Just good times and great oldies really um i'm probably gonna sit out here a little bit longer than jilly's going to she's gonna probably go to bed but i'm gonna sit out here and if i still feel frisky i might get

back on here again so i'm not gonna stop this pod yet we're going to see what happens rock on beer all right it's uh 11 25 i've had a lot of beer all the ball games are over i'm watching highlights now i just got to watch taylor swift bouncing her fucking fake titties around to celebrate the victory of the uh chiefs although the fact that she's a big Kamala. She's Kamala. She loves Kamala. She's celebrating the win, even though the guy that made the kick was Harrison Butker, who apparently hates women, so whatever.

But I'm sitting out in the backyard, 1125 p.m., and boy, what a day it's been man i hope i hope you guys listen to this and you're like boy this was interesting to listen to how a guy goes from being totally coherent to being a fucking drunk rambling fool but i mean i mean you look at some of the games that went down this weekend i mean the saints have been a machine they scored like 91 points in the first two weeks of the year that's epic um you look at the texans they're two and oh let's go texans h up um yeah i mean there's i mean like i'm mad at myself for taking the fucking colts to win a game uh on the road against the packers man there's some there's some hell i mean look there's some fun there's some hell of, I mean, look, there's some fun, dude, I love football, man. And I love the fact that we're sitting here, it's football season. Like there's literally

Tuesday and Wednesday are the only days that we don't have football. Tuesday and Wednesday suck. Then you get Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Oh, there's five or seven days that you get fucking football and you get to bet on it, and it's beautiful. And I'm looking forward to going to Baton Rouge because we get LSU on Saturday. We're going to go to that game. Once we land, we've got to head our asses over to the stadium, and then we're going to see the Saints on Sunday.

I was just texting with Tank. They're going to be there, obviously, with the Eagles on Sunday. Going to see the Saints. Who dat? Ah, what a life. What a life. I tell you guys guys what just a good time in general ah I tell you just a good football day I'm looking at some of the scores how about the Raiders beating the the Ravens I got the passing yards on that one from my boy um

Gardner that was good but the Ravens row I mean, boy, that's a big turn, right? Low and two action for the Ravons. For the Ravons. Oh, the beer is so tasty. Oh, God, this Bush Light. I tell you, it's good. Oh, boy. I hope you guys enjoy this i hope you love it i hope you guys love listening to this and because jilly's like no one's gonna care about hearing you break down games that were happening as on monday i'm like yeah they will because you know what i rule like the chargers beat the panthers 26 god oh it reminds me that i missed the field goal parlay by one field goal. I would have won three grand. Life's tough. I know you got your own problems, but my life's difficult. But yeah, life's good though. Life's difficult, but it's also good because the Saints are 2-0.

LSU won yesterday. Not a special win. I mean, they sucked, but you know what i'm looking forward to let me tell you what i really want to look forward to and i don't know what the tennessee schedule is but tennessee just keeps swinging their dicks on all these nobody schools and scoring 70 points somebody's going to beat the shit out of the volunteers and it's going to bring me so much joy it's not that i have anything against tennessee or the fans of tennessee because i really don't but like the first three weeks of the year they're like here's 70 here's 80 whatever they just keep beating the shit out of people okay and it thrills me that they're gonna go out and eventually lose to somebody it's gonna be so fucking great i'm gonna love it like you're gonna get your come up and you're out here, just bang, bang, slinging, slinging on like who they beat this last. I don't even know who they

played this last week. Kent state, I think. So I played Kent state. Kent state is a nobody school. They didn't score 71 to nothing. I think it was the final. Like eventually Tennessee's going to have to play a real football team and And they're going to get beaten. Or they're at least going to have to play a competitive game against somebody. And for that, that excites me. They're the worst. Oh, we're scoring all these points. You're playing nobody.

And you're scoring a bunch of points. You're running up the score. Ah, fuck. Ah, Hugh. Fuck you. So I look forward to watching them get their dicks knocked off by somebody at some point. They'll go 10-2. I guarantee Tennessee's going 10-2.

Last year, oh, they were the big shit a couple years ago. And then they still went 10-2. They're going to lose two games. Georgia sucked against Kentucky because Georgia has no playmakers. But somehow when those two play, and I think they play this year, I'm taking Georgia. And they'll lose to another team in there too. So it'll be a joyful experience and I will love it and it will be great. And yeah, I'm going to be excited about it. It's going to be a beautiful, beautiful time. I sound like Trump now. It's going to be an amazing time. It's going to be great. I'm going to love it. I'm reading the Who Won the Day on Sunday Night Football

Peacock broadcast. One of these guys says Tampa won the day. Oh, God, that's fucking Collinsworth's kid, Jack. Oh, God, he's the worst. He sounds just like Collinsworth. He says Tampa won the day. One of them said the Saints won the day. I mean, dude, the Saints beat that. Dude, I thought the Saints were going to get the dick knocked off of them. I thought they were going to get punched right in the fucking cock. And they didn't. They went out and they beat the shit out of the Cowboys. That doesn't suck at all, right?

There's nothing mad about that. No reason to be angry at all. Beating the shit out of the Cowboys. I'm down a couple hundred bucks today. But, I mean, it could have been worse. Not everything went my way tonight, but hey, what are you going to do? You win some, you lose

some. Hopefully we bounce back on Monday night, make a couple of plays, and then I get to make live bets next week in LSU. We're flying in Saturday morning. We're going to see LSU-UCLA. Then we're going to see the Saints and the Eagles My dad claims he's got Saints tickets

That's exciting So I'm looking forward to it We get to make live bets God, the live bets Last week in Indianapolis, those live bets Where I made my money back So hopefully we get to make some live bets It'll be good

Life will be great Hopefully you guys listen to this and are like boy this is the most entertaining drunkenness i've ever heard maybe you will but i don't know if you will but i know i've had like 15 16 beers i'm still drinking outside listening to classic country let's see what classic country i got on the speaker let's see oh that's a little black hawk not black cock black hawk either way she opens her heart to an old memory she closes her eyes and she smiles i asked her if she ever still thinks about me she says you know what she says every once in a while god i love 90s country i have had a lot of beer i'm gonna stop now i may rejoin later and this may be the end i don't know we will find out