The Josh Innes Show - Taylor's Lousy New Album

Episode Date: October 6, 2025

I've listened to most of Taylor Swift's new album. Why? Because I hate myself. I enjoy that Taylor is trying to force some sort of "edgy" content. Ma'am, you aren't Sabrina Carpenter. Let's break down this song about Travis's dong. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You know a group of people that is fun to fuck with, but just not worth the time? The people that are kind of the Eagles fans of music fans, that is the Swifties. They are real lunatics. And, of course, Mother put out a new album, this life of a showgirl or whatever the hell it's called. And look, it's crazy because I feel like back in my day, an artist could put out an album. And even if you were a diehard fan, if you were like, yeah, this album kind of sucks. Like, you were allowed to do that. but in 2025 if you are part of a fan group of a team or of a singer or of an actor or whatever

you cannot say anything they do sucks everything they do has to be great and anyone who questions it has to be a hater or a piece of shit right like there is no critical thinking anymore when it comes to people like everybody's part of a cult it's like politics in that way let's play a couple commercials and get into it so as you may have heard taylor swift has a song about Travis Kelsey's hog, okay? Now, it's a song called Wood, W-O-O-O-D, from The Life of a Showgirl, which I listen to some of the songs, they are not good songs. But this song is about the cock and balls of Travis Kelsey. So let's read some of the lyrics of Wood, W-O-O-D, not W-O-U-L-D, but W-O-O-D, as in like a hard penis, as in a boner, as in a boner, as a

in like Beavis and Budhead as in Hugh said wood Daisy's bare naked. I was distraught. He loves me not. He loves me not. Penny's unlucky. I took him back and then stepped on a crack and the black cat laughed. My God. And baby,

I'll admit, I've been a little superstitious. Fingers crossed until you put your hand on mine. Seems to be that you and me, we make our own luck. A bad sign is all good. I ain't got a knock on wood. All of that bitch wishing on a falling star and never did me any good.

I ain't got to knock on wood. It's you and me forever, dancing in the dark. All over me, it's understood. I ain't got a knock on wood. Forgive me. It sounds cocky. He ammatized me as if to say, I guess, like you had an orgasm, I guess. And he opened my eyes, redwood tree.

It ain't hard to see. His love was the key that opened my thighs. Here's how I view Taylor Swift. So, like the other day we were talking about Sabrina Carpenter. And Sabrina Carpenter's whole act is that of someone who is basically portraying this role of someone who is the bait on to catch a predator. She's like grown up John Bonet Ramsey. Like if Jean-Beney Ramsey had grown up, you're like, ah, this is what she looked like. She looked like weird Sabrina Carpenter bending over for the world to look at her butthole.

Like that's what John Bonet Ramsey would have at least looked like. No, I'm not telling you that John Bonnet Ramsey would have been someone who was doing sex acts on stage or anything like that. but that's what this character looks like. Taylor Swift never sings about sex or anything, and now she's singing about sex. Here are the vibes this gives off. Taylor Swift gives off the vibes of the nerdy character in Road Trip who hooks up with the heavyset black chick at the frat party or whatever, and like she gives him the underwear, and it's like, oh, did you kill a cheetah?

And he starts, like, sniffing the underwear and the bus. And he's like, I had sex last night with a girl. like that's the kind of vibes that Taylor gives off she like you're a 35 36 year old woman but the vibe you give off is someone who like just had sex for the first time like and like you're like in the car and you're like in the van talking to the boys and you're like yes I had sex with a girl she's like Uncle Rico she's like Kip like that's just the kind of vibe I get from Taylor like it doesn't fit you're kind of forcing this whole thing about hey I'm singing about my boyfriend's dick now because I have sex now like that's how it comes

across. Like, you should just call this album, I've had sex and other musings. The Diary of a girl who finally had sex with somebody by Taylor Swift. Like, if, like, she's like fucking Peter Pan. That's the vibe. Like, when I think of Taylor Swift, I think of Peter Pan. I think of arrested development. I think of like someone who stays 14 forever. I think of someone who, and I saw some comedian on a reel talking about this. And I'm like, holy shit, that kind of tracks. But it's like this, she's getting to live out like the fantasy. that she didn't get to live out in high school. So now she's the one that gets to fuck the jock.

Let us not forget that her songs used to be about how, like, the jock is fucking the cheerleader. Well, now you're the cheerleader, basically, that's fucking the jock. So it's like you finally get to do it. You finally get to live out your rock and roll fantasy of being the chick that's banging the football player. And it's like you love to brag about the fact that you're the chick that's now finally banging the football player.

It'd be like if I, like, hooked up with Lindsay Lohan. Like, in her defense, I'd walk around and tell everyone that. I'd be writing fucking songs. If I got to bang Lindsay Lohan, You know, as per our conversation Friday, I'd be writing songs about her beef. So I guess I kind of get it. I kind of understand it. But it's just kind of sad.

Everything is so childish. Everything is written like from the perspective of a 14-year-old. It's like she never grew up. It's like she stayed 14 forever. And it's so weird. So it's like, forgive me. It sounds cocky. He amatized me and opened my eyes.

Redwood tree, that's his cock. It ain't hard to see. It's large. His love was the key that opened my thighs. We boned. And it just doesn't work for you. Like, it works for Sabrina Carpenter because that's her whole act. Her whole act is, I'm a whore, and this is what I do.

Like, I skank it up. And here's my song about how, you know, when you kiss your new girlfriend, she tastes my beave on her lips. Like, that's her whole thing. That's her whole schick. Your schick is whatever the hell your schick is. It's wonderment and enchantment. And like Peter Pan and fucking fairies and shit.

your whole aura is not I open my thighs and I'm getting plowed by the football player it's a weird vibe for you it just to me it doesn't fit for what you do and you might say well Josh you've always said Taylor Swift needs to do more adult shit yeah but when she does it it feels weird like it just it feels like forced I don't know it's like this this album was like the definition of like if if white computer paper were an album it would be this album You see those reels all the time Like here's, you know, this is what Sabrina Carpenter's music sounds like And it's boiled chicken

You know, like that's kind of what this is too It's just, it's not good, it's not very enjoyable And it's weird And it's so wild that this person fills up football stadiums On a nightly basis For music that's just very blah And now even if you're a fan of hers You're not allowed to say like, you know, I just didn't like this album as much

If you say anything negative about it Like it's the cult, it's just like politics It's just like sports you can't say anything bad about your own team in politics you can't say anything bad about your own team in sports and that's kind of where we are as a society you're not allowed to judge things like there's no critical thinking you're not allowed to write a critical review of something because then the fan boys who do not look at things critically at all are broken and can't look at anything with a critical eye and don't use critical thinking they'll just attack you like that part kind of sucks right like i understand you can argue that like oh my god you shouldn't uh you know critics are the worst They are, but there's actually a place for critics, and there's a use for critics. It maybe makes you better. But, like, any fan of Taylor Swift is not going to listen to this album and go, I didn't like it.

Like, you have to think it was the greatest thing ever until the next one comes out. So how if you're Taylor Swift, do you know if you made anything good? Like, that's the part that bothers me. How do you know if you made anything worth of shit if your fans are going to tell you that everything you do is great? And they're going to go out and buy the 14 different versions of this album, which, by the way, you're a crook. But, like, they're going to go do that anyway.

So how do you know? Like, she should really just make horrible shit and see if they buy it. Fart into the microphone for 10 songs. Like, this song is called Fart. And just fart into the microphone and loop it for three minutes of pop for each one and see if people buy it. And they'll say it's great and innovative. This song is called Canceled. You thought it would be okay at first.

The situation could be saved. Of course, they'd picked out your grave and Hearse. Beware the wrath of masked crusaders. Did you girl boss too close to the sun? Did they catch you having too much fun? Come with me when they see as they'll run. Something wicked this way comes. Like, my God, you sing shit that sounds like high school.

You're hairy fucking high school. Like, oh, the people on the internet are mean to me. Did you grow? Like, you write songs for stupid people. Like, you write songs for adult women who think they are still in high school. My God, it's awful. Anyway, more to come.