The Josh Innes Show - Texans Lose...What A Mess

Episode Date: November 11, 2024

The Texans intercepted Jared Goff 5 times, yet somehow found a way to lose. What a miserable, terrible, atrocious loss by the Texans. Honestly, I'm super hammered and have no clue what we talked about. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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ahhhh yes Jelly we will make the fucking meat again what? don't knock over my beer you did this you asshole you fucking did this the first half was phenomenal and you're over here like oh texans

gonna crush this oh my god texans gonna win this easy you prick you did this don't blame me go eat absolutely go make the go eat the fucking meat that i made go eat my fucking meat and suck my dick god fucking damn it fuck the texans fuck these assholes and fuck cj stroud the stupid hair and fuck all of you you motherfuckers also i'm glad we moved inside we were outside but that would have been something but they can still hear because this house is not sound i don't care fuck all of you shitheads in this white bread fucking neighborhood you you fucking did this i didn't do a goddamn thing oh my god all i said is the team that was up by like three fucking scores was going to win. Then it went shit.

Fuck CJ. Fuck D'Amico's hillbilly ass and fuck all you motherfuckers. You did this. I don't care. Fuck everybody. Fuck everybody. Move so I can get my beer. You did this. Eat the fucking meat and get the fuck out of my face.

Oh, can you make me more meat? I will make you nothing. God damn it. Fifth time in the last six games, the Texans have failed to score a touchdown in the second half. Yeah, because they're fucks. They're fucks. God, all I needed was like six more yards

to hit the over in the passing yards for fucking Stroud with this stupid, ugly. It doesn't even matter. They lost because of you. I don't care. Fuck your bet. Fuck your bet. No, my bet matters to me. No, it doesn't.

It does matter to me. And CJ's got a stupid fucking dumb hair and he fucking sucks. Fuck him. Fuck football. Fuck sports. Fuck all the sports. And you know what? Who did this? I didn't do shit.

All I said was, oh, the team that's up by 16 points should win the fucking game. No, you didn't say should. You said, oh, we're winning this. Oh, yeah, we should have. We should have. I don't believe in fucking karma. All I said is they should win the fucking game or they're going to win the game

because they're fucking better. They should have. Fuck them. They should have. Fuck them. They're the Texans. That's not what happened. Good.

Drive your fucking bus off the goddamn road. Fuck you, Texans. You fucking assholes. They're in Houston. There's no bus. Drive your cars into a tree? Fuck you. And fuck D'Amico.

And fuck Hannah. And fuck Cal. And fuck this stupid battle red bullshit. Fuck you. Blaming me for this shit. I am. Fuck you. And fuck everybody.

Stupid pricks. No, I think they're going to call the cops. Good. Call the cops on my ass. I'll punch the fucking cops in the dick. Like people around here will call the police for this yelling. Good. Good white people. Oh my God, I'm so afraid because there's somebody being noisy. I'm a white motherfucker. Fuck you.

They're going to think you're yelling at me and then there's going to be a whole thing. I'll throw your ass through the window. Come to the house. Oh, it's Josh. It is formerly of Casey. No one cares. No one even knows that I worked here. I bet you the cops are going to knock on the door.

There are no ones. I'm angry. Why? Oh, fuck off. Let me tell you. I hate D'Amico. I hate CJ Stroud. I hate his dipshit receiver friends.

I hate that stupid stadium that makes no noise. I hate Sundays. The only thing I like is beer. I've had so much of it. And let me tell you, I fucking hate the Texans. I hate them. I hate them. much of it. And let me tell you, I fucking hate the Texans. I hate them. I hate them.

I hate them. You're a bunch of assholes. You were cruising in this fight. You intercepted this fucktard five fucking times! I mean, to be fair, I will say four because the one was a Hail Mary at the end of the half. So four, but still.

Five fucking times they intercepted this guy. They picked us off twice. That's great. You know what that is? You're still plus fucking three. But you know what happened? Doesn't matter. Doesn't fucking matter.

You let this shit happen. What we're dealing with here is a fucking tragedy a greek fucking tragedy this is like when fucking that who's the who's the gentleman in romeo and juliet what's his name who's the guy in romeo and juliet romeo so romeo that motherfucker he's like oh i love juliet but you know what we're gonna do we're gonna kill ourselves together because we're fucking idiots that's how i feel right now fucking detroit with your trash ass dipshit city and your trash ass dipshit football team and the texans are a bunch The dipshits. God damn it! And I hit nothing. More importantly. I hit nothing because of this.

I hate sports. You hit things all day long. But I didn't. No, I'm way down today. But you won stuff. I didn't win anything. So. Oh, let's give the game ball to this dipshit kicker.

Congrats, dipshit kicker. What's your name? Carter or some dipshit kicker. Congrats, dipshit kicker. What's your name? Carter or some dipshit name? What's your name? Fucking Travis? That's the worst day ever. Yesterday sucked too because my

college team lost. And then today my NFL team won, which made the day suck. And then the Texans who are out here like, hey, watch us. Watch us. We're playing Detroit. We're up 20, what were they, 26 to 7 or 23 to 7? And you know what they did?

They ate dicks. Giant dicks. Worst day ever. There's a shot of Houston we used to live there I'd like to live there right now we used to live in a high-rise apartment in downtown Houston it's a beautiful city but you know what I fucked up and I was like I'm gonna move to Philadelphia then I moved back to Houston I got fired there and then I took a job in Nashville and I was like you know what I'm gonna do you know what i'm gonna do because this sounds like a good idea i'm gonna leave nashville

fastest growing city on the fucking planet and i'm gonna go to fucking st louis that was a mistake god hates me god hates me football hates me betting hates me worst fucking day ever. Forever. Forever. Like Squigman Palidora said, that's so much fucking beer today. Tomorrow's going to suck.

I don't care because tomorrow cannot suck more than today fucking sucks are we gonna be like total degenerates and drink wine tomorrow to get to the quest for 200 bottles yes i feel like tomorrow you're gonna be like no nope by tomorrow night at like six o'clock you know i'm gonna say get out that fucking boda box and we're watching monday night football and we're we're like what like 105 bottles of wine this year we gotta so that means we gotta drink 92 bottles of wine in like the next 60 something days or 70 some days you know what we're fucking go no it's not even it's like 50 something days so we're gonna drink that shit i'm so angry fuck domico that hillbilly cunt and fuck this team you like domico i do but he's a hillbilly cunt he is a hillbilly cunt and his quarterback has

stupid hair and this team sucks and now you're six and four and you fucked me out of my hits and that's the most important thing let's be real i had a lot of beer and you fucked me out of my fucking bets fuck you once you fuck me out of my bets you're dead to me every team in the league has fucked you out of your bets calm down it's not true other detroit if i would have taken detroit they would have hit me but the thing is detroit was like watch this we're down 23 to 7 and we're gonna win detroit didn't hit shit for you. They didn't combine for 500 yards. No, but if I would have just taken Detroit, maybe they would have. You know, I tell you, it's disgusting.

What we're seeing right now is disgusting. You guys had a chance to control the game, and you couldn't do it. Even late in the game, you had a chance. All you had to do was get a first down. You control the clock. You can kick a field goal to do is get a first down you control the clock you can kick a field goal to win it or go to overtime you know what you did you did nothing you fucking couldn't complete a pass because you're imbeciles you're imbeciles what a shitty day i apologize for being intoxicated i want to say hello to some folks who've sent me some messages on my email

and said hello. Where's my phone, goddammit? I need my phone. I don't even know where my phone is. But I had a nice gentleman that sent me a message. What? I don't know where my phone is. I'm not an adult.

Oh, I found my phone it was bare hold on it was buried hold i want to say hello to this nice gentleman worst day arguably the worst day of my life i've had encephalitis i've watched my team get fucked out of the super bowl it's maybe the worst day of my life though nice gentleman let's see this from an email this is big fan hey josh brian reeves here i've been listening to you since the 6 10 days since then i loved you and jim on 790 and followed the podcast with you and jelly sense i was real sorry to hear about luther thank you i appreciate that luther is the best puppy and i hope you all find another pup once y'all get settled hopefully we do

one of my favorite things about your show was when you used to talk as luther oh hey luther him cracks me up keep doing what you're doing and i think it will pay off in the long run i always mention you and your show to people when sports talk or just podcasts in general comes up i'm genuinely a huge fan of you and jilly and i'll pray for you for good things to happen god bless you brother that's from a gentleman named brian thank you brian thank you brian that was very nice that's very nice then he follows that up with sorry man i forgot to mention that i'm an over-the-road truck driver shows like yours always help me pass the time when i'm working last time you took a break on your podcast for what seemed like a couple years suck balls and thought maybe you had died. Oh, well, I didn't die. Unfortunately, I'm still alive.

But. Do more of the Luther voice if he wants the Luther voice. Look, let me tell you. That means, like, I wish people knew how much that meant to me when you had guys who are, like, long-haul truck drivers like Brian. Who are like, hey, I listened to your podcast. It means a lot to me. Like, I might cry. I might just sob tonight.

You know why? Because that means a lot to me like I might cry I might I might just sob tonight you know why because that means a lot to me there's a gentleman who drives his truck and he gets his entertainment from listening to me I wish all you sons of bitches would just send a text to all your friends and say you know what Josh Ennis and Jilly do a podcast and I wish you'd listen because all the people that listen to the podcast if you would send a message to your friends that also they'd say listen i'd have i'd have a lot of people listening now granted i'm tonight you should finally watch the fucking ben tribute i'm not watching the fucking ben herb street dead dog tribute it was a really it was a really pretty

tribute and honestly like the tribute itself didn't make me cry. It was like him trying to intro the tribute and then losing it on live TV. And then like Corso had a like, oh, man, that was awful. The tribute itself was great. Let me tell you something. Like the part where like he just broke down on the live TV, like because I know that exact facial expression because I've lived it. I was like, oh, I know that expression. I know that expression. That was the part that got me.

The tribute was great. you would like it let me tell you what happened is josh innes cried on the fucking radio in st louis when his dog died and then two weeks later got fucking fired just so you know i sat there and sobbed for 10 fucking minutes on the radio because my dog died and then two weeks later they're like hey asshole by the way fuck you you don't have a fucking job eat a dick enjoy your life after that i think you could probably thank luther for those extra two weeks of severance probably dude it's very possible that when we're gonna fire you that day and then you're like i can't come to work i have to put my dog down i'm like shit that's very possible fucking i hate this fucking town so fucking much fucking saint louis fucking hellhole god damn it do i hate it so much i tell you what all right if you're ready to win

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14 days limited time offer see terms at pick six dot draft kings dot com slash promos i'm four months from having to live in my goddamn dad's house and be in my dad's house and i love your dad and i love cindy but i'm really not looking forward to that. Well, it's coming. I know. Because it's better than having to pay to live somewhere else. But when I don't get a job in the next four months, you know what's going to happen? There we are, staying in my dad's fucking house, putting all my fucking furniture and shit in my dad's storage unit. This is why we can't get a dog. Everyone's like, why don't you guys get another dog? Because we're not going to have a place to live in four months. No, I can't get a dog everyone's like why don't you guys get another dog we're not gonna have a place to live in four months no i can't get a dog if i were to get a dog it would be it'd be rude it would be

rude to the fucking dog because he'd be like he'd be like oh wow we have this cool house sorry we gotta leave because your fucking dad's no longer getting severance and now i gotta go to baton rouge and live with your grandpa. In a twin bed. In a twin fucking bed. I tell you what. What a life. What a life, man. I tell you. I hate everything.

What a disappointing night. I really thought. Listen, this isn't about dogs anymore. I really thought that listen, this isn't about dogs anymore. I really thought that C.J. Stroud. You said it 17 times. Or win this. I thought we had it. Division's over. Division's clinched.

Well, the division is clinched. The Colts aren't going to win. The Colts may not win another fucking game because they're losers. But I also felt that C.Jj stroud would throw for the yards he didn't because he's a dipshit and his hair is stupid and despite the fact they didn't i don't know they sacked the guy all night they might have like one sack i don't remember still didn't win the game this fucking football team's the worst and look i'm not trying to be overly dramatic they play monday night next week cowboys texans well the cowboys are so fucking bad the

texans shouldn't lose but here they are six and four football team trash bag of an organization the only thing they got going for them is they got a pretty owner lady who who i would like to motorboat and that's it the only thing they got going for him is a sassy lady owner or titties aren't even big like for being real not even big titties but they seem like cute titties and that's fine there's nothing wrong have cute titties i'll go i feel like she's doing a really good job of like the quest to maybe work in houston again what what i said i feel like you're doing a great job and you know trying to work in houston again oh fuck them you know at some point like if people want to hire me they'll

hire me i just gotta offer my opinions my opinions are the football team fucking blew it. And the owner lady is cute and she's got small titties. And there's nothing wrong with having small to have small titties, have the small, I'll be like, there's nothing wrong with that. She's good. Look,

I like her. Like, I don't understand why that would be an insult. And you know what? I also like Cal McNamee. Look, I like her. I don't understand why that would be an insult. And you know what? I also like Cal McNair. I like Cal McNair. He's adorable, too.

He's got a mustache. You can't wait to live at your dad's house. This is going to be great. He's so adorable. He's got a mustache. Can't wait. This is going to be fucking awesome. He's got a mustache. Listen, no one's listening to this and being like, I'm this is going to be fucking awesome. He's got a mustache.

Listen, no one's listening to this and being like, I'm not going to hire this fucking guy. People are always listening. Yeah, no one gives a shit. But, oh wait, did they pass the sports betting in Missouri? That happened like a week ago. I just saw it on the TV. Oh, the Big Ten women's soccer comes to St. Louis. This is what we have to go for.

Hey, guys, enjoy watching Big Ten women's soccer in St. Louis. What a fucking dopey fucking thing this is. Anyway, what a bad football game. What a terrible time. Dude, until that fucking last kick went through, I thought that the Texans were winning. I thought they had this. I thought the game was over.

Yeah, you said that in the first half, and then you killed us. I didn't kill anybody, Jilly. All I said was, I think we're going to win. And then we didn't win, And that game was a fucking disgrace. An absolute disgrace. But the good news is here in St. Louis, the Big Tens women's soccer is in town. So if you want to see, I don't know, fucking Wisconsin playing ladies soccer. Well, good news.

Come to St. Louis. We've got Iowa ladies soccer. We got Rutgers lady soccer is rutgers in the big 10 are they in the big 12 i don't know either way it sucks ass what a terrible time to be alive congrats ladies hey big 10 women's soccer everybody come on out and see ohio state women's soccer in st louis no one cares no one cares i don't know what to tell you no one cares ah all my shit didn't hit look i know you got your own problems. I get that. I respect the fact that you got your own problems. Maybe you haven't had 17 beers today, and I respect that. And you got your own problems.

But what a disgrace. That's a good beer. That's a bush light. We're heading for the mountains, a bush light beer. I feel like our friend here, Figgy Fig, asked a good question on Twitter. What's that? Figgy asked, which is the more embarrassing loss

for the Texans, the Jets or the Lions? And I think it's the Lions. I think so too, because the Jets game, like, look, you lost, but, and the Jets, now, I get the argument. The argument is the record for the Jets now I get the argument the argument is the the record for the Jets sucks but like you were just you had you got sacked eight fucking times against the Jets this game you were pretty clean and you still couldn't get the job done against dude it's more embarrassing

against a good team to blow it that way can you name the other two quarterbacks who threw five interceptions in a game and won? It doesn't have the years? Yep. Give me a year. 2012. Drew Brees. Nope. Okay.

2012, a quarterback that threw five touchdowns in long. Five interceptions. Five interceptions and one. In 2012, it wasn't anybody from the Texans, not anybody from the Colts, not anybody from the Jaguars, not anybody from the Titans, not anybody from the Chiefs,

not anybody from the Broncos, not anybody from the Chargers, Not anybody from the Chargers? Not anybody from the Raiders? So I've got half of the AFC. Not anybody. It wasn't... Oh, it wasn't... Oh, shit, I'm so hammered. Shit.

It wasn't the Jamoke from the Steelers, right? Nope. Okay, It wasn't the Jamoke from the Steelers, right? Nope. Okay, it wasn't the Jamoke from the Ravens, right? Mm-mm. Wasn't the Jamoke from the Browns? No. Wasn't the Jamoke from the Patriots, obviously? Because Tom didn't throw Tom.

I don't think Tom threw five picks. Anybody from the Jets? Nope. Anybody from the Jets? Nope. Anybody from the Bills? No. Anybody from the Dolphins? We're going to go through this for 2007 too. Okay, hold on.

So obviously nobody from the AFC, so it's in the NFC. Yeah. Okay. Both are in the NFC. Okay, good. That's good. That helps cut in half. 2012 and 2007. So five interceptions

and still one. Yep. We're going to go with... And they're all from the NFC. Both. Both are from the NFC. 2012 and 2007. We discovered it's not Drew Brees.

Okay. It's not. Oh, actually, I think I know one of them. One of them is Matt Ryan. That's the 2012. All right. So Matt Ryan is done. So now we need 2007.

Five interceptions and a win. Yep. And they're from the NFC. So there's only like 15 teams we can pick from, and one's not the Saints and one's not the Falcons. So there's only like 13 teams. 2007, so let's see. Carolina, no.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Did Jameis? No, Jameis was after that, so that wouldn't make sense. NFC. Rams. Sam Bradford? No. 2007 wouldn't be Sam Bradford.

Seattle? No. Let me know if I'm wrong. You say no it was actually seattle uh seattle no uh san francisco was it oh was it um alex smith it was not no he was i think he was drafted later um so not the rams not the 49ers. 2007. Was it somebody from the Arizona Cardinals? Nope.

Okay. Was it Eli? Nope. Okay. Was it NFC? Was it somebody from the Giants? Nope I feel people are probably screaming at you right now like from the NFC shit

okay I've already named half the NFC teams okay shit shit um NFC wasn't anybody from the West seems like it's nobody from the East NFC

holy holy shit i'm gonna save the people on the podcast and tell the answer it's tony romo oh from the cowboys okay well that's hey he won a game with five pigs huh yeah that's fun shit, I'm fucking tanked. That's fun, though. Guys, you know what I want to watch? I want to watch fucking Con Air. That's a good film. Good film. Fuck.

I feel like what's going to happen is I'm going to go to bed, and you're going to be like, I'm going to stay up, and then you'll pass out on the couch in four seconds. Yeah, Jilly. And what I've learned is I don't wake you up. I don't care anymore. Like, have at it. I'll sleep on the learned is I don't wake you up. I don't care anymore. Like, have at it. I'll sleep on the couch.

I don't give a shit. So Tony Romo and the other Jamoke I mentioned were the two quarterbacks who have thrown for five interceptions and still won a game. Who was the other guy? Matt Ryan and now Jared Goff. The Texans should be ashamed. You should be forced to not

play football the rest of the year. You said that about the Cowboys too, so is there just no Monday night game next week? Correct. We should be forced to watch women's basketball. Because the Texans are an abortion, the Cowboys are an abortion, and they should be forced to

abort each other other because they're the fucking worst what a disgrace what i mean just a disgrace i mean just a fucking i mean i mean they should have to fight each other to the death and then someone should come in and kill the one that survives loser leaves the state. You're out. You know what? Honestly, they should both leave the fucking state and let San Antonio have a football team. That's what should happen.

When San Antonio almost stole the Saints from New Orleans, that's what should happen here. Because the Cowboys suck. The fucking Texans suck. What a disgrace. I tell you what. Trenton Fitz is a volunteer on this TV. I don't know what he's doing, but he's a volunteer.

That's a disgrace. I mean, what are we doing? What are we doing? I'm going to cry. I mean, this has been a horrible weekend for your boy. Fucking LSU getting punched in the pecker. Fucking, fucking Texans up big. Fucking Saints winning. Just a horrible fucking weekend.

Look, I know you got your own problems. But this weekend sucks. It's just the worst. There was at no point in that game I thought the Texans were going to lose. None! And then they lost. Like, as that game went on, I'm like, all right, good. They fucked up. Like, early in the second half, when it was like interception, interception, whatever. I still never thought they were going to lose the fucking game. And then they lost the fucking game. Yep.

I knew they would. So the good news for them, I guess if you want to call it good news, is the division is so bad that they're not going to lose to anybody. But they're not going to lose to anybody. But they're not going to lose the division. We can get in and win the division and get our ass kicked by Baltimore in the first round. Yeah, that's kind of how it goes. They're probably going to be a wild card. They're not the Steelers, either one. I'm enjoying the Steelers a lot.

Rusty. Rusty! That's my boy. That's a nice shout out to Gateway Arch. And the Texans are always losing the playoffs to Baltimore, so it will be Baltimore. Have the Texans ever beaten Baltimore? Not in the playoffs.

No, they... Maybe not ever. No, they lost to them on... I'm trying to think of all the times they've played Baltimore. They played on Christmas. So they lost to them in the 2011 playoffs maybe they lost them in a monday night football game i know though those are the ones i remember specifically it was a pick six that they lost on against baltimore in like 2010 or 11 no No, it had to be 10. You know why?

Because it was the night that the Texans lost on Monday night football to the Ravens was the night before. It was a Sunday night or a Monday night. They beat the Ravens once and it was October 21st of 2012. So I would have seen that. It was 43 to13 that day. That's a beatdown. So they lost to them in the playoffs the year before that.

And that was the night that Jacoby Jones dropped a punt. And then before I moved to afternoons in Houston with Rich, I want to say it was a Sunday night. I think it was a Monday night game even, one of those nights. And they threw a pick six. I believe Shaw threw a pick six to end the game against the Ravens. And that was on either a Sunday or Monday night. I guess that was December 13th of 2010 when they lost in overtime, 34-28.

Yep, that was a pick six. And that was, what, 2010 you said? Yeah. Yep, and then like the next day. Was that a Sunday? I don't know. Okay, well the next day was like the first day of the Josh Ennis and Rich Lord show on 6-10. So I remember that game.

Of course, the Ravens knocked them out of the playoffs last year. Yeah, so. So I imagine. I don't know that the Texans have ever beaten the Ravens. I just told you they did. The Texans have beaten the Ravens. Look, I know a lot of you guys were wondering, have the Texans beaten the Ravens? They have.

They actually beat them twice out of like 10 okay so they're like two and eight october 21st of 2012 and december 21st of 2014 2014 we were already gone so i wouldn't remember that well i i don't remember 2012 though we were still in huge no 2014 was okay we gone. But I don't remember 2012. I should remember that because 2012 was the year they... So my first year there was nine. I caught the last half of that. 10 was that year they had all those epic losses.

11, they made the playoffs for the first time. And 12, they went 12 and 4 so i don't remember that game against the ravens at all 43 to 13 jesus christ i don't remember that at all fucking 256 and two tuds fuck foster hadudds. Jesus, I don't remember that at all. Owen Daniels had a touchdown. Kevin Walter had a touchdown. Boy, I don't remember any of that at all. I'll take your word for it, but I don't remember any of it at all.

Jeez, that's a mess. I mean, like. It was at Reliant Stadium at the time. I'm sure I was there. If it wasn't 2012, I guarantee I was there, but I don't remember anything about that game at all. And there's a lot of games I remember. Like, that same year, I want to say, like, they played...

Did they play the Steelers at home that year? I don't know. I'm only looking at Baltimore. I think they beat the Steelers like 17-10 or 19-10. Joe Flacco that day was 21 for 43. Well, they beat the shit out of Joe. They beat the shit

out of him. 2012, I'm trying to remember because they went 12-4. They obviously lost. And Doss was the only one with a touchdown for the Ravens who the fuck is that what's his name

I have never in my life heard of some gentleman named Tandon Doss holy shit so I'm trying to remember 2012 Ray Rice did not have a touchdown that day no and then eventually Sockta's lady and his life was over um I'm trying to think remember 2012 ray rice did not have a touchdown that day no and then eventually socked his lady and his life was over um i'm trying to think so in 2012 i believe 2012 was the year the texans

went 12 and 4 and they lost they won a playoff game i want to say it was against uh cincinnati because they beat them two years in a row. And then they went on the road and lost to the Patriots, I want to say, in 2012. So in 2012, we also in 2012 went to see, I want to say that's when you and I went to see them in New England for our Monday night game. Yeah, because we got Luther in 2012.

So in 2012. No, no, no, no, no., because we got Luther in 2012. So in 2012... No, no, no, no, no. We got Luther, yep, 2012. You're right. Alright, so I'm trying to think of the games that happened in 2012. Because they went 12-4 that year. So they... I'm sure they beat the Titans a couple of times, beat the Jaguars a couple of times.

I remember nothing about those games. And I know you're listening to this and you're like, what the fuck is this drunk asshole talking about? What are you rambling about? But I'm fairly certain. They started the season with five wins. All right, let me try to guess these. So the first game of the... I remember the first game of the 2010 season.

I'm never going to guess any of these. Okay, hold on. So I know in 2010 their first win of the season was of the 2010 season. I'm never going to guess any of these. Okay, hold on. I know in 2010 their first win of the season was against the Colts. That's great. We're talking about 2012. Okay, hold on. 2012. And I remember 2013 because they won two games in a row

then lost the next 14. That's great. We're talking about 2012. 2012. Okay. Did they beat the Colts in those first five games? No, they didn't even play the Colts in those first five games? No, they didn't even play the Colts in the first five games. Oh, wait.

No, 2012 wasn't the year they beat Washington, right? No, they didn't play Washington at all. That was in that year that they, that was that epic fucking Andre Johnson shot with Spike when they were down 17-0. 2012. How do I know? shot uh with spike when they were down 17 nothing um 2012 how do i the colts weren't in that the the fuckers from the um that i want to say the steelers were later in the year and they beat them like tell me this did they beat the Steelers like 17 or 19 to 10 in that year no they did not play the Steelers that's not true in 2012 no way so was it 2011 that

they beat the Steelers what was the score I don't know but I was at that game and it was not shit okay 2012 it was the year we went to New England I remember that. It was the year we went to New England. I remember that. That was the year we went to the Bears. They played the Bears in Chicago. Other than that, you remember nothing about. Shit. And they went 12-4.

What was the first game of the year? They beat the Dolphins 30-10. I remember. I honestly remember nothing about that. What's the next game? They beat the Jaguars 27-7. I remember absolutely nothing about that. And they beat the Broncos 31-25.

I remember. Holy shit. I remember nothing about this year at all. And they beat the Titans 38-14. I remember none holy shit, I remember nothing about this year at all. And they beat the Titans 38-14. I remember none of this. And they beat the Jets 23-17. I can't remember even one thing that happened in any of these games. Their first loss of the year was at home to the Packers 42-24.

I can't tell you a fucking thing that happened in that game either. And then it's when they beat the Ravens, 43-13 the next week. Then the Bills, 21-9. Dude, holy shit. So 2012, which was the best season arguably in the history of the Texans franchise. I don't remember any of these games. The year before that that I can tell

you everything that had like 11 I remember 10 they finished uh 6 and 10 I think it was 6 and 10 and they had like that deflected ball against the fucking Jaguars talking about 2012 that's what I'm saying 2012 which is wild I don't remember anything that happened against them. Then they beat the Bears. We were there. 13-6. That was the game we went to with, what's his name, from Auburn, was the starting quarterback for Chicago. I forgot his name.

But he was the starting quarterback. The black dude from Auburn was the starting quarterback. All right. We were at that one. Then they beat the Jaguars 43-37. What a duel. I remember nothing of that. then they beat the jaguars 43 to 37 what a what a duel i remember nothing of that then they beat the lions that that game was on thanksgiving that's one you got i remember that one because that was the game that uh homeboy from the uh that was his name the defensive guy

from uh that was the head coach the lions that eventually became the defensive coordinator for the eagles he he was the head coach at the time of the lions he threw the fucking uh flag to challenge but he couldn't challenge it and that was a touchdown so that was the the texans played the lions on thanksgiving and what's his name what's the guy i'm thinking of that was the defensive coordinator for the eagles that fucking asshole that i hated oh god who am i thinking of he was the head coach of the lion we were in baton rouge uh sunglasses guy yes god damn it what was his goddamn name uh jim schwartz yes so and then jim schwartz eventually again became the the eagles coordinator and i want to say he was the coordinator when they won the Super Bowl, but yes, I remember sitting there watching that game,

and he threw the flag, or he threw the flag, and because you technically weren't allowed to throw the flag on that play, it didn't matter, and then the Texans beat the shit out of him. That was the year. It was an overtime. They didn't beat the shit out of him. It was who ran that It was an overtime. They didn't beat the shit out of him. It was who ran that back. It was questionable.

And that's why he was going to throw the flag. Well, yes. But remember. Who ran it back? I don't remember. But you know what happened was, is, oh, shit. What was that? Fuck.

Oh, Matt Schaub's family. They had the family shot of him. And that was where his kid had, like, the demented fucking eyes on the family shot of him, and that was where his kid had the demented fucking eyes on the family shot on the TV. Yeah, I remember that. But I'm trying to remember anything else that happened. Well, we did go to a regular season game in New England, and that was on Monday Night Football, so we did go to that.

Other than that, I don't know that I could tell you another fucking thing that happened in 2012 other than they wore the the Letterman jackets and shit but I can't tell you anything else that happened holy shit I honest to god don't

know what a wild fucking time man Justin Forsett was the guy who ran for the questionable run. Wow, what a world. So he won that. So that was on Thanksgiving. His hand elbow hit the ground and was tackled by two defenders, but he continued without a whistle being blown to stop the play.

Remember that? I do. That's why he threw the flag. Yeah. That's when homeboy Jim Schwartz threw the flag. Yep, that's funny. I forgot the name. Justin Fors flag. Yeah. That's when homeboy Jim Schwartz threw the flag. Yep, that's funny. I forgot the name. Austin Forsyth.

Fuck. And the Texans ended up winning that game. In overtime. And that, so. They beat the Titans 24-10. Was that the year that he punched, what's his name, the defensive back from the weight year, did Andre Johnson punch Cortland Finnegan?

I don't know, but it was great. It was. I don't think it was that year. It might have been the year before, but I don't remember. Yes, he went to Tennessee, beat the Titans, and the Letterman Jackets happened. That was on Monday Night Football. You and I went to that game.

42 to 14. That game fucking sucked sucked you and i went up to fucking you don't remember about that day so on that day it was hot in new england and i remember my agent at the time david brody he had called we they he said listen here's the offer from from cbs it was a three-year deal and i want to say it was like first year was like 90 000 the next year was 100 the next year was 110 i didn't make that because i didn't accept it so i'm not trying to brag that's just what the deal was it was like 90 100 110 i think I think it's not classy to tell people. Listen, I'm not classy anyway, so I'm just letting you know. And then I didn't take that job anyway,

and I took considerably less to go to Philly and do nights at WIP, so it doesn't really matter. Then they beat the Colts, and then they lost to the Vikings, and lost to the Colts. You know what that was? They beat the Bengals and lost to the Colts. You know what that was? They beat the Bengals and lost to the Patriots. You know what, though? Okay, I might be wrong on this.

Do you remember that we took – what year did we go to New York for Christmas? Around Christmas. What – it was that – that wasn't that year. Yeah, so it was the year before because the Colts were tanking, and that's when they lost like 14 games and eventually got Andrew Luck. But I remember because the Texans played the Colts around Christmas, and the Texans lost, and then you and I went to New York, New York City. Yeah, we watched the game at Junction, and then we went to New York. Dude, I was shitting lava on the flight because I took all these wings and beer and I shit fucking lava that night so I don't

remember what year we went to New York was 2011 or 2012 I think it was early in our union so because I think by 2012 we'd already been like hey we're gonna adopt this dog because we got luther in 2012 so it was 2011 so it was the year before and uh yeah i do remember that what a time it was what a time to be alive boy they've been some times but i'm still fucking amazed that they lost that game today. That's remarkable to lose that game. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Anyway, shit. Had a lot of booze. A lot of beers. I think we finished the whole 12-pack of the Shiner.

And we've had a lot of Bush lattes today. I really thought the Texans had. I mean, look, who didn't think the Texans had this shit? They were up by 16 points. People who watched the Texans. People who watched the Texans didn't think the Texans had it won in the first half. You did. But even in the second half, they had this shit won Texans had it won in the first half. You did. But even in the second half, they had this shit won.

They didn't score in the second half. They didn't have shit won in the second half. But they should have, is what I'm saying. The fact that that dickhead quarterback didn't throw for six more yards to give me that hit, very depressing. I know you got your own issues in life. My heart hurts. I know you don't care, but my heart hurts.

And your heart may not hurt tonight. Your heart might be fine. You might have a heart that is pure, but my heart hurts very much. And I may cry when I go to sleep tonight after I drink more beer. And I've had a lot of it. But I may cry.

But I may not because I'm a man. But I might cry because I'm sad. Is there a Manning cast tomorrow? I don't think there is. Ah, fuck. Why does God hate me so much? Also, you're not going to cry because you're going to fall asleep the second I go to bed. Maybe.

But I might not. I might stay up all night. You can watch the Herbstreet thing. I will. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going all night. You should watch the Herbstreet thing. I will. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to cry tonight when I watch the Herbstreet thing. But you have to watch it again. You have to watch the whole setup because the video is just really nice,

but the setup where he loses it at the desk live is brutal. I'm going to watch it tonight then. I'm going to watch that, and I might cry tonight because I miss my puppy. So maybe I'll do that. Maybe I'll watch it. I'm going to go take a leak and get another beer. And then I'm going to watch Kirk Herbstreit cry over his dead dog like I did for weeks after my dog died. And then I'll reconvene tomorrow morning.

Anyway, you guys rule. I'll see it.