The Josh Innes Show - Texans Win and Football Musings

Episode Date: October 7, 2024

The Texans win despite CJ having a terrible 4th Quarter. What the hell was Sean McDermott thinking on the last Bills drive? We go around the NFL to break down Sunday's games. We break down some bets that hit and didn't hit. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Howdy, Jamokes! Welcome in. Josh and Jilly recording this one at 6.36 on Sunday before Sunday night football, which the way things are going is going to be an absolute dick punch for me as well. This has just been a shit day. Other than the Texans winning, and the Texans severely flawed, awful second half offensively, awful quarter uh from cj yet we got to give credit to uh sean mcdermott sean mcdermott really outdumbed himself in the last possession throwing a couple times let's let's start there actually so the texans had three timeouts so if in that scenario they would have run the texans would have called three timeouts, assuming they didn't get a first down, and they would have punted, right?

So I understand the idea of, hey, let's throw one, maybe get that first down and see where it goes from there. But once you throw one incompletion and another, like you didn't make that, well, once you've thrown two incompletionsions you might as well just throw another one but you didn't make the Texans use any of their timeouts thus making life much easier in that scenario for the Texans because they were able to run that play that got them set up for the game-winning field goal but like what are you doing in that scenario man like like I like I've seen a lot of people ripping McDermott for that. And I understand the idea of throwing on the first down play. It's a risk, but I get it.

But at some point, you've got to make them burn a timeout or two. And they didn't do that. And then when you punt out of your own end zone, you're almost guaranteed that the Texans are going to get the ball in plus territory, only needing about 10 to 12 yards to be in position to kick the game-winning field goal, which they did. But either way, we said the people were blowing the bills, and then the bills came to Houston and really played a shitty game. And here we are, Texans, 4-1, second-best start ever for the Texans.

Rock on. Are we worried about the trap game in New England next week? Well, it's the trap game. Who's after New England? I don't know, not New England. Well, they're playing New England next week. Well, it's the trap game. Who's after New England? I don't know. Not New England. Well, they're playing New England, and then who's... Oh, Green Bay.

That's what I'm saying. That's what makes it a trap game is my point. Yeah, so I didn't know who they were playing after that. But also, New England. I know it's not Tom anymore. It's far from Tom, but... No, New England doesn't do anything for me. New England can screw right off.

It ain't Tom. Just like when people were talking about... Now, granted, I guess you were technically right on this one, or at least the people that were talking about how there's a great struggle for Tennessee to beat Arkansas, and they'd beaten them like X number of times since whenever. I was right on that, wasn't I? You were, and I'm like, listen, I still don't believe that they lost that game because they had lost games to Tennessee 20 years ago. I don't believe any of that has anything to do with anything. However, you kind of see it. I mean, like, is it one of these scenarios where you just always lose to the Patriots? No, it's

not Tom Brady. They're not going to lose that game. They shouldn't lose that game. Look, I'm just glad they freaking won. And for a half a football, they didn't commit stupid penalties for then for a half a football. They committed really went off the end there they committed a lot of shitty penalties after that uh they were just awful they were not a good offensive team in the second half but without nico we can't forget that that is that's a big deal um but they were able to get the w and they're four and one because that's usually how these texans games have gone the last season and a half now is like CJ's got to get him down the field there's like a minute or two left got to go get the game winner right but Nico's always been that guy that kind of bails them out that gets that big catch and with him being gone

I'm like oh fuck but we made it work well I could make an argument that the intentional grounding which in theory was supposed to help Buffalo because it knocked the Texans out of field goal range, I would make an argument that it actually benefited them greatly because it forced the Texans to punt. The Texans, when I say that, the intentional grounding really hurt Buffalo in that scenario because once they accepted that and the Texans punted the Texans buried them down at like the two yard line and screwed them over there so I could have argued that look you're not going to decline that no way in hell you're ever going to decline that I don't even know if the intentional grounding I don't even know if you can decline it but like in that scenario you're not going to

decline an intentional grounding that knocks them out of field goal range however it would have been fourth down they would have kicked a field goal in theory you would have been down three with 40 seconds to go instead of tied with 40 seconds to go at your own two you would have been down three at like the 30 with 40 seconds to go and a couple of completions get you down there and maybe you tie it that way again in no scenario are you ever going to say no we don't want an intentional grounding that knocks them out of field goal range. They just did an abysmal job managing the clock. But knowing the Texans had those timeouts, you knew that if you ran it, they'd call them. The argument to be made is that at least you forced them to use them. So the Texans on that third down, or I don't know if it was a third down play, but the little pass that got them set up for the field goal, they wouldn't have had

a timeout. So they would have had to have run something different you could have taken away the sidelines in theory and forced them to throw over the middle and maybe you go to overtime I get that argument but one first down from Buffalo in that scenario and you're pretty much guaranteed at least overtime so I don't know how dumb I think Sean McDermott is he's not nearly as dumb as Zach Taylor, the fucking coach of the Bengals today. I needed a field goal to continue the field goal bet that I take every week, every team to make a field goal. With 10 minutes to go in the game, it seemed like it had no chance.

I feel like this one was worse. And we were talking about this. You don't remember it, but I'm pretty sure you were pissed at the Jets for missing that field goal because not only would that have gotten your money line, I think that also would have gotten every team to score a field goal. That was last week. And I think this one is actually worse. So what happened was somehow we get to a situation where the Ravens end up kicking a field goal to tie it. Then the Bengals get the ball back. They don't do anything. So it goes to overtime. Ravens get the ball first keep in mind all i need

is the bangles to make a field goal to keep the uh the the field goal bet where every team makes a field goal alive they force the turnover and they're basically already in field goal range do the bangles then these dickheads decide hey we're just gonna run it right up the middle three times and settle on a 53 yard field goal which the doofy holder botches, and they miss it, and then two plays later, ball game over, Ravens win, and I don't get the damn field goal. I was making the joke like Bengals kickers. I mean, that's what happens, but that I don't think was on the kicker.

That was a terrible hold. Oh, it was awful. He caught the ball clean and then put the snap down or put the hold down and just fucking botched it so uh it turns out i wouldn't have won anyway because i think the rams missed a field goal today has been a disaster betting day like i i hit a lot of my individual uh props that i talked about on the podcast like in the first stretch of games i think i hit like nine of eleven the problem is i had a couple of parlays that had they hit would have been a gigantic day really I knew this day was cursed and fucked the second that dickhead conspiracy theorist

self-absorbed fuck face Aaron Rodgers decided hey I'm gonna be six yards short of 250 I'm gonna throw a pick on the last play of the game and cost me what was a live bet when we were over in Illinois I made a live bet 100 to win 200 so it would have paid out 300 all I needed was that sack of shit to throw for 250 he's got the ball late in the game he'd six more yards and he throws another interception Aaron Rodgers is dog shit which is so funny because like I what was it that's this is only like the fifth time in his career he's thrown like three interceptions or something what a shithead and of course it would be today when you're like oh we get to live bet the London game. Oh boy. And then you got burned. And we know, look,

I get that people are going to say Robert Sala sucks and he probably does, but don't ignore the fact that Aaron Rodgers is a twat burger and he's not good anymore. The Jets aren't good. I don't give a shit about your little Pat McAfee appearances where you're like, hey, do you think that Kamala covers up the

Loch Ness Monster? No, I don't need your shit. I don't care about your politics. I don't care about any of your shit. I care about you throwing for six more goddamn yards instead of throwing an interception. Okay, so the Bills play the Jets next week, right? Yes.

The Jets are going to lose again. Yes. Do they fire the coach? I think they're going to have to at some point if this continues because you got Aaron Rodgers. He clearly doesn't like the coach. He likes Hackett. Yeah, go ahead.

Take the loser that fuck. You want to know how bad of a coach Hackett is? Look, look at the Broncos. That guy was a fucking disaster there. And then you look at Sean Payton, who I hate. Sean Payton has them at 3-2 with Bo Nix. And, oh, by the way, that game, don't get me started. Dude, I had a parlay

that was going to win 500 bucks today. The parlay was going to hit. I took 30 and a half rushing yards for Kyler Murray. He got that in the first five minutes of the game. Dunzo. I needed Jaden Reed of the Packers. He hit easily for his yards. Then all I needed was Gardner Minshew to throw for 182 yards. That son of a bitch had over 100 like in the first quarter. And then the wheels fell off and the dickhead coach Antonio Pierce decided, hey, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take out Gardner Minshew and put in this mustachioed fuck face Aiden O'Connell and cost me my thing 30 yards short. So that cost me a parlay. I had a touchdown parlay that was screwed by Kenneth Walker III,

who always scores touchdowns. Same. Well, I missed three by one as well. I did hit one parlay today in a game I had no interest in playing. But thanks, DraftKings, for the 50% boost for Bears and Panthers of all the games. That's the game I bet a same-game parlay and win. Thank you, Cole Komet, for that last catch.

I need some sort of miracle. And then I almost hit. Look, I would have been in decent shape had I gotten 500 total passing yards in the Rams game. But, of course, late in the game, there you go, pop a top again. Also, yes, I'd like to point out that while we haven't done, like, the real-time drinking, we have been drinking all day. And yelling at the damn TV.

Dude, I thought this back end of games was going to be huge the way they started. I thought I was going to get both the touchdown parlay and the other parlay. I said I hit neither one of them. Then I thought I was going to win, which was my biggest bet of the day, or my second biggest bet of the day was on the 500 yards and the Rams and Packers. I missed that by like 15 fucking yards because dickhead Matt Stafford can't convert on fourth down. I mean, and they gifted it to us. So late in the game, if the Packers picked up a first down or two, the game was over.

I was never going to get the ball back. They threw it three times incomplete. So the Rams got the ball back and had a chance. Oh, another ball buster. Our friend Brian, Emily's husband. Yeah. He would have won $500 had the Bengals won. Think about that.

Back to the Bengals. You've got Joe Burrow playing one of the greatest games he's ever going to play. Five tuds, 400-something yards. Dude's slinging like a motherfucker. And he goes out there and has the dopey, not kicker, the holder cost him. So, Brian, but look, I don't feel bad for you bro maybe i should but like i miss so many parlays just today like i respect that you're new to the game i'm glad that you enjoy it i'm sorry that i've turned you and my my sister into degenerate parlay like i literally woke up this morning at like eight and i have like two texts

from emily like what are your parlays today i have one like you know I need Aaron Rodgers do this but I need the Vikings to win I'm like welcome to my hell yeah it is a hell it's a great thing whenever the plays are hitting when Noah Fafita hits his yards last night life is good but when then the Restrepo kid from Miami doesn't score a touchdown and you miss a parlay last night it's a killer I went back to my uh Tyler Huntley well from last week which of course I think we talked about one may a parlay yeah i don't feel bad about playing that one but i missed it because of that then i missed another parlay by the stupid running back from san francisco who was like minus 208 to score a tut i threw him in there just for that little extra added value and he didn't do it and then there was somebody else i missed by who the fuck

was well kenneth walker obviously kenneth walker punched us all right in the cock I mean somebody else was a couple yards short and I don't remember who it was just can we discuss how you called me stupid on the internet I did not call you stupid oh the people think you did because that's the people on the internet and their assholes when I read it I'm like god damn okay so here's

what I did so we're watching the Texans game Nico Collins scores a 67 yard touchdown and Jelly says why don't we just do that all the time like they got the ball first it was like the first play of the drive right yeah I think yeah fucking bombed a Nico and after like before that they had struggled to run the ball like oh we've three and out three and out right and I'm like oh let's just do that every fucking time and then you tweet oh my wife says just do that every time she saw football okay i did and ever since then i've been getting tweets of like oh that's what my kid says or that's what my wife

says the first time she watched like okay first of all and i and then i when i realized because i got a couple of responses i'm like oh shit i didn't realize that sounded dickish i was just trying to make a joke so then i responded with the way, my wife is a brilliant prop better. Yeah, no one cares about the follow-up. Okay, look, I did not mean for it to be insulting. It was just a goof. It was a joke. And now, look, I saw some people comment, and I felt bad.

That's the worst thing anyone's ever tweeted about me. And people have tweeted some horrible things about me, but that was pretty bad. Well, you know that I didn't mean anything bad by it. I made the same joke to you when we were sitting here yeah but you heard my inflection people are like oh what is this dumb broad let's do that every time I meant nothing by it it was completely harmless and uh and I'm sorry that people on the internet are stupid but we know people on the internet are stupid I can't help that they're stupid I was was just goofing. It was a goof.

Well, yeah, so the way you wrote it, I could see why the stupid people on the internet would see it like that. Well, they're fucking idiots. I don't know what to tell you. Who are you? Yes, look, I'm sorry. When I read it and after I posted it,

I'm like, oh, this is funny, and then I read it, I'm like, okay, I can see where it's dickish, but it wasn't meant to be dickish because you know that I tell you all the fucking time. I'm like, why don't you have more confidence in the shit you say about sports because you're fucking smart about it? Yeah, and now you all the fucking time. I'm like, why don't you have more confidence in the shit you say about sports because you're fucking smart about it.

Yeah, and now you've destroyed that confidence. Oh, fuck off. I did not destroy any goddamn confidence. Jeez, there are so many people that do sports radio and shit that are complete fucking boobs. You want to know about destroying confidence? All right, let me compare you to our other friend PK who literally had no idea.

His wife posted this on Instagram PK today they're watching the Giants game and he goes where's Aaron Rodgers she goes he plays for the Jets he goes I thought he played for New York she says there are two teams in New York he goes I had no fucking clue there were two teams in New York he's a fucking moron his actual quote was who knew who knew yeah everyone in the fucking world knows that there's two teams in new york people now think i am pk no listen pk is a special brand of dumb bless his heart that's sports boy and he uh he knows nothing like less than nothing he knows absolute dick so um all that said i apologize um but um i meant nothing it. And people are fucking idiots.

People talk shit about me all the fucking time. You gave them a reason to talk shit about me. Like, oh, this dumb broad was his first football game. Oh, call the other coaches and let them know just to do this every time. Like, look what you did. Well, I'm sorry that I did that. I also, we're watching the pregame for Sunday Night Football. You've got fucking homeboy over over here what's his name the

fucking uh the fucking old code tony dungy looking like nosferatu and then you got just an insufferable tool bag who is chris collinsworth's kid i don't dislike chris collinsworth like the rest of the world seems to but i'm annoyed by the fact that his kid sounds exactly freaking like him and it annoys me also when i talk about some of the individual uh prop bets from today told you stefan would have a big game over four and a half catches bang he did that i mean there was a ton of great calls i made today but my parlays have all fucking failed i i am a little bit disappointed though in the fourth quarter from cj because they could have put the game away

and he really made a lot of blunders. I'm also disappointed in Josh Allen because I took the 500 passing yards combined for the two quarterbacks in that game and because Josh Allen is a worthless douche. That was the play we called right there, though, Coleman. Yep. Said Keon Coleman would score one of over 20 yards.

Now, granted, it was a five-yard pass. He did step out. And he looked to have stepped out of bounds. So it shouldn't have been a Ted, but it would have been enough yards to be the longest catch for him of the day. I think like three or four of the longest catch plays hit. I, we had Jamar chase that one hit Brian Thomas hit, uh, the Jaguars of, uh, Justin, uh, Justin Jefferson did. And you know, the one that really sucked was I took um amari cooper i told you guys play amari cooper longest catch over and that one missed by two yards so the longest catch play is a solid one if you have an opportunity to do it maybe one day we'll get to move back to texas and when we do that maybe there'll be an opportunity for them to finally

pull their heads out of their asses and get legalized sports betting there so the teachers can start making some more money like here every commercial on tv is vote for prop 2 so teachers can get more money no vote for prop 2 fuck the teachers i want to be able to spend my sundays sitting outside sports betting teachers are fine too although most of them are trying to teach your kids how to be lunatics, but whatever. That kick, by the way, it looked like that kick was going to go way left off the foot, and then it took a fucking turn, an immediate right turn, man. Oh, man. Giant win for the Texans getting to four. Josh Allen, you suck, bro.

And a lot of people are going to talk about this, how they think he's concussed, and I don't know if anything came out. I love the internet. The internet acts like they care about the health and safety of players. If you did, you'd tell them to never play football anyway, because there's no way your brain's not going to get scrambled playing football. So if you really cared about it, but I see people on the internet

like, oh, he totally had a concussion. He went back in. Do these guys not care about the health and safety of players? No, and neither do you, you lying assholes. Well, they care about Tua. They tell him not to play football. Because his brain is literally oatmeal at this point. One of my favorite things is the radio gif or the reel that I see on Instagram all the

time where they're like, Tua coming back to practice after his eighth concussion. And it's the Cuba Gooding Jr. movie radio where you're slow. And he's like doing the ropes and shit, running through the ropes and shit. They're like, here's Tua. Here's Tua all these years after he gets his ninth concussion. I'm like, this is good shit. And that's him.

But he's different. That's the thing. People are such hypocrites, right? Like, if dude wants to go out there and play with a scrambled brain, go play with a freaking scrambled brain. I'm not, I'm not your dad. If you were Josh Allen in that, in that very moment, right? And you're like, oh boy, the game's on the line.

Am I concussed? Maybe. But then you see Mitch Trubisky run on the field. What are you going to do? And then like almost instantly they hand it off once and they're like, nope, we got to get you back in there. He was trying to run in there before Mitch even got that one play. He's like, my helmet's on.

I'm good. I'm good. Let me go in. Well, lost in all of this, by the way, is that the Texans turned the ball over inside their own red zone, and they were able to hold the Bills to a field goal. Holding the Bills to a field goal there was gigantic, because obviously, I mean, you could have been losing.

I mean, it's obvious, right? If you give up a touchdown, you're losing in that situation. This holder, and I truly believe it, this asshole would have actually held the ball and they would have made that kick. I would have ended up hitting the field goal thing, but I didn't end up hitting the field goal thing. And then, bam, one play later, Derek Henry,

this tank of a man, runs 50 goddamn yards. He really is a tank of a man. And that's going to screw the parlay for the division winners, because if the Bengals would have won that, they'd be right in the heart of this thing. They ain't winning no goddamn division now. Joe Burrow, you need to get out of Cincinnati, bud. You need to go find you somebody that appreciates

you and loves you the way you should be loved. And Cincinnati, the dopes that run that organization, they don't. Because if they did, they'd put you out there with some legit ball. And look, Jamar Chase is a baller. Don't get me wrong. Well, they wouldn't pay Jamar Chase. Yeah, like if they don't pay him,

imagine your Joe Burrow sitting there like, pay my man. I mean, the dude had 180 yards receiving today. One of his 70-yard tuds was on a two-yard pass that went for 80 yards. The dude's a beast. NFL-SU, man. How about Seattle? I mean, we haven't even talked about it, but Seattle. yard tuds was on a two yard pass that went for 80 yards the dude's a beast NFLSU man how about see I mean we haven't talked about but Seattle speaking of NFLSU fucking uh the Giants they don't even have Malik neighbors they go into Seattle and they say ha ha jokes on you Seattle I think we did say though that maybe they'd be set up I know I guess we didn't because they played

their balls off on Monday night and still lost. And then they come out tonight and lose. Geno's a great empty yards guy, though. Beautiful empty yards guy. I miss live betting, son of a bitch. Anything else that stood out today in some of these games? I mean, the Cardinals beating San Francisco. San Francisco's just really... That running back not getting his goddamn touchdown.

Minus 208. I understand that pain. College football was great last night, too, man. San Francisco's just really... That running back not getting his goddamn touchdown. Minus 208. I understand that pain. College football was great last night, too, man. I mean, look, Tennessee ended up losing to Arkansas. Look, I was texting somebody I know, and I'm like, listen, I don't think that Tennessee's really all that good. And they're like, oh, no, they're the real deal.

Well, they came out, and they weren't very good in that win against Oklahoma. They were fine. And then they come out in this one on the road at Arkansas and lose. Alabama loses to Vandy. How about the Vandy kids carrying the goalpost three miles down? Was it the Cumberland River that they threw it in? That was quite the walk. It's about three miles from the stadium to the river

like through Broadway, the heart of the fucking entertainment district. The bars everywhere. People everywhere. The cops, I guess, like tried to stop them from taking it down there. They didn't listen. The bar is everywhere. People everywhere. The cops, I guess, like, tried to stop them from taking it down there. They didn't listen. Yeah, good luck stopping them. Let them have fun.

Let the kids play. But I do enjoy how, like, they sent, like, the search and rescue team to retrieve the goalpost after they threw it in the river to bring it back to Vanderbilt. They're like, we have something that belongs to you. We think you might need this. But good for them.

And also, Miami should have lost because that was certainly targeting no Miami blows Miami last week I mean you can make the argument that maybe the guy didn't catch it for Virginia Tech but they called it a catch on the field so I don't know how you overturned that two weeks ago but then last night that was 100% of targeting and look Cal shouldn't have blown a 20 something point lead I get that thanks Fernando Mendoza for throwing for your yards though I love you but like it shouldn't have blown a 20-something point lead. I get that. Thanks, Fernando Mendoza, for throwing for your yards, though. I love you. But it shouldn't have been in that situation.

They shouldn't have blown the lead in that scenario. That was the pick that ended the game? No way. Well, that did get a little better. I mean, dude, where were you going there? Now I'm looking at the Aaron Rodgers highlights. Aaron Rodgers blows. I'm listening to the Jets broadcast, and these poor losers are so excited that at the Aaron Rodgers highlights. Aaron Rodgers blows. I'm listening

to the Jets broadcast and these poor losers are so excited that they got Aaron Rodgers like, oh my God, we finally have a quarterback. Now you have a 40 something year old guy who's more concerned with telling you about whether or not Bigfoot is real than going out and winning football games. So go talk to Pat McAfee and tell him all about the election and all the other shit. I don't care. You suck at football now. You're not good. Denver beat you. Minnesota beat you. You stink. And I'm listening to the broadcast and they're like, well, the Jets have the ball back and we've got Aaron Rodgers, who's an expert in this scenario. Well, it turns out that expert threw an interception.

That game set the tone for the day. It set the tone. A live bet that would have won 200 right out of the chute would have paid out 300. Bada-bang. Life would have been good. It would have been a good start to the day. But instead, Aaron Rodgers decided that.

That pick six, you see that one? The pick six right there? God, he's the worst. And I don't even care. I know there's a lot of liberal media types and other people that just hate Aaron Rodgers because he's you know this seemingly right-wing conspiracy theorist whatever there's a lot of people that just truly hate him because of that and they root against him because of that I don't I don't give a shit about whatever your politics are whatever but

it's a lot easier to tolerate your weirdness when you're still good at football, not when you suck at football. And you suck at football right now, Aaron Rodgers. Kick rocks. I hate you. Costing me $200. I owe you a knuckle sandwich. Ah, boy. I saw that Stearns got Kamala on, and he posted about it on the Stearns show Twitter,

and then they turn off the comments because they know the comments are going to be fucking vile. Oh, boy. It is wild. Look, this is beer drink conversation that we're having here. It is fucking hysterical to me how these media people are so in the pocket of these left-wing media people. Again, I'm not voting. I don't care.

I don't have a dog in the fight. But, like, you might argue and say, well, what about Fox News? Well, we know what Fox News is. They're not a legitimate news source. They're fucking people that are right wing honks. And they have been since Roger Ailes built the fucking thing. That's who they are. The rest of these people claim to be legit.

And then they ain't. Like I'm watching the broadcast today and they have a commercial airing with all these football players in it. And they're like, this is the most consequential election of our lifetimes. And did you know that it's important to vote and blah, blah, blah. Like, no, I didn't know. But until the center from the bangles told me that I needed to vote, I wasn't sure. But now that you have, I'm confident that I need to go out and vote.

Jeez, these clowns. It's like they have talking points. Like they all get together at like a meeting of like the fraternal order of water buffalo tweeting me by the way no fuck them i'll do you know what tell them i said fuck you i talked to my lady that way you set it up i bet it was a goof i'm sorry but also like when you see these people and like they read from their talking points of most consequential election ever. Did you know that if you don't vote, basically, if you don't vote, you're a piece of shit. Yeah, they all say that to you. Vote for somebody else.

Then they think your vote's terrible because they hate you. I'm hot. Are you hot? Yes, it's hot in here. We need to go back outside. All right. So here's what we're going to do. Then we're going to go and watch Sunday Night Football. Perhaps maybe after Sunday Night Football we might reconvene and have another round

because I'll be more beers deep into this thing. We shall see. You're awesome.