The Josh Innes Show - The Absurdity Of Canceling School Because It's Cold

Episode Date: January 20, 2026

I live in Detroit. It's a miserably cold place. We've discussed this. Today, it's so cold that school has been cancelled. How is this possible? It's not snowing. It's just cold. Back when I was a boy, I never remember school being cancelled due to temperature. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let me tell you. I'll tell you about my house. Bless it's hard. My house is a shithole. You know, I know I've talked about this, but like Detroit, wonderful place, nice people. It's cold as shit. It's like minus two degrees wind chill. Like, it might be even worse. Like minus five, six degrees wind chill right now. It fucking sucks. It's cold.

I don't know how people choose to live in this. If I had my druthers, I'd be somewhere warm right now. Like our guy that does mornings over on the other station is kids, a radio guy in Tampa. So from what I gather, he's over in Tampa for the next week. If I had my choice to be in Tampa right now or I had my choice to be sitting freezing my dick off in Detroit, I would 100%. That's no knock on Detroit. That's no knock on the people. That's no knock on the people who employ me.

That is just a statement of reality. If you gave me an opportunity right now to live somewhere where it's warm, like 60, 70 degrees right now and sunny, or live in a place where it's negative 10 degrees and it's so cold that I can't take my dog for a walk. I cannot take my dog for a walk in this weather. He starts limping after two minutes because his paws are freezing. He's getting frostbite. So if I had my choice in life and they said you could live anywhere you want to live, Detroit, as much as I like the folks, and it's a nice sitting in the summertime, it's lovely,

this is like a fucking nightmare. And I know like I get criticized for talking on the podcast a lot about the weather. And people are like, weather talk's not entertaining. You will listen to my bitching about the weather because it sucks. Like, it is like yesterday I took Ross out for a walk, right? Early in the day, he was able to go a little bit longer. It gradually got colder. So sometime around the evening time, I decided to take him for another walk.

And he made it about five minutes before he started limping and yelping to the point that I had to pick him up and carry him back to the car. So I tell you all that to tell you this, that this weather is not for me. I hate it. I despise it. It's gross. It's like I don't understand how people choose to do this. Like if this is what you're born into and you just like, you know what I'm never going to leave. That's fine.

If someone has an option in life, if someone's got choices, if someone's got the opportunity to go somewhere and just like pick their place, I don't. understand how somebody would pick to live in Detroit in January. Like I had a buddy that lived in Minnesota and he had to move back to Minnesota. And he would tell me constantly about how miserable it is, how it's like negative temperatures. The one time I went to Minnesota, I've been to Minneapolis one time. It was for the infamous Super Bowl, the Radio Row thing. And I went to the game and everything. I waited in line to go to the game and to go to a concert before the game.

So I was in line waiting to see Kelly Clarkson. We like mattress Matt got us the tickets for the Super Bowl. We also had like the pre-game concert tickets to see Kelly Clarkson in this venue that was relatively close to the stadium. Waiting in line to get into that show, my beard froze. It literally, it was frozen. My beard was ice and it was awful. That was basically happening to me last night when I was walking my dog. I was feeling little icicles on my beard.

and it was awful. So I tell you all that to tell you this. Like the people in Detroit, I enjoy the people I work for in Detroit, nice radio station, everything. But living in Detroit this time of year is just a constant barrage of snow. Then you might get lucky. And by you might get lucky, I mean, the snow may melt. Like we had that a couple weeks ago.

We had a nice little stretch. It rained a couple times and all the snow went away. And it was lovely. There was no snow. But then right after it melted and you thought just, you know, just when it's safe to go back outside, you know what happened? It snowed again. And now it's never going to melt. And why is it never going to melt?

Because it is negative 10 degrees outside. This snow will never melt. It is snow on top of snow on top of snow. And again, I'm not bitching about the job. I'm not bitching about any of that. I see people who are like, you know, down in Houston right now that are probably dealing with like 60 degree temperatures. And I'm seeing people who are dealing with, you know, 50s and other places. Like I think Philly I saw was somewhere like in the 30s or 40s or something like that.

And I'm like, my God, that's tropical. I'll put on a speedo for that shit. Because right now what we're dealing with temperature wise right now in Detroit, like it hurts. Like I woke up this morning. Like I got up at like 4.30 today to get ready for work. Like being outside for two minutes, you feel like you're going to die. Like you feel like Jack Nicholson at the end of the shining. Like you just start freezing to death.

And it is terrible. It is not good. Anyway, I should probably stop bitching about the weather because I get accused of bitching about the weather too much. But it really is terrible. And I would really love to just have a smoker. I want to have a smoker outside. I want to enjoy it. Like I see buddies of mine in Houston who have outdoor setups.

know, and they're just sitting there enjoying their lives. Life is good. They got a smoker outside, a grill outside. They got a TV outside. And they're living the dream. What I wouldn't give to live that dream. Because I basically just sit in my house now and wait to die. That is my life right now.

I wait to freeze to death. That's what happens for me now. You can always purchase a chimania. I could. I could, but that'd be something. I just sit outside with a chimney and read my Louis Lamore book and do it like old man Sam used to do it in Houston. So, anyhow, getting into some stuff here that isn't weather related. Although, again, I could talk about this shitty weather all day.

There's ice everywhere. You slip everywhere you go. You know who I really commend, though? I really commend the people who work these blue-collar outdoor jobs. those are the people who I have a lot of respect for. Why do I have a lot of respect for those people? I respect them because they're folks that have to go out and actually work in this shit. I have to put on layers upon layers of car heart shit and like freeze their asses off working construction and shit outside.

You want to know who I have no respect for? Kids. You know why I have no respect for kids? Because these kids don't have to go to school today because it's cold. Like literally, it's too cold. for the kids to go to school. Well, these kids are dope. And I don't know how parents react to these things.

Like, I don't know. Like, I would imagine, like, the parents would prefer that school gets canceled the day before. So at least, like, you know that it's getting canceled so you can, you know, at least prepare for that. But the idea that you're sitting here and it's fucking cold. And it's like, hey, guess what? We don't have to go to school today. Because it's fucking cold? When I was in, um, when I was in Philly.

when I used to work in Philly there'd be days that they would cancel school because it was too hot. And by too hot it's like 85 degrees, which in Philadelphia is nothing. Like it is a nothing burger. Like at least I say 85, it's hot there. Like you go down to Houston or whatever, 85

is December, right? But you'd go down in Houston or you'd be in Philly and they would cancel school because these school buildings didn't have air conditioning. Like how the fuck do you cancel school because it's 85 degrees outside. And that's what you would get here.

Like here it's the reverse though. Oh, it's too cold. The kids can't go to school. Like, huh? What are we doing? Really quick, let me post a link to let people know on that we are on Instagram as well. Let's see here. YouTube.

Let's see here. I'm live on YouTube. Thank you. There we go. Again, this is very rudimentary. I don't know if I'm going to keep doing this or not, but I figured I got the equipment here and it's set up for me. So I might as well give it a shot. Let's see here.

I'm live on YouTube. Join me. There you go. And then it's just a depressing picture of me getting snowed on. I call my dad every day and just bitch about the weather. Granted, we used to live in Montana when I was a kid. But I don't remember much about that. It is, it's really ridiculous.

Like, I don't remember ever having snow days when I was in Montana. And in Montana, it snowed all the time. Like, I remember, like, I know that I see the Monty shows are mocking me there saying, like, back in my day, you'd walk to, you know, in a blizzard and all that. Look, real talk. When I was in, when I was in Montana as a kid, I don't remember much about it. But what I do remember is that in Montana, there was never a snow day. And I remember trudging to school, trudging to school in snow pants, giant starter jackets, multiple layers, snow boots. Like you can mock me and all that shit, rock on.

But that's how it was, man. Like they're like they didn't cancel school. You live in Montana and those cats did not cancel school. Here, it's cold and they're canceling school. If my fat ass has to wake up and go to work, if my fat ass has to wake up and go to work, if my fat ass has to go out and shovel the sidewalk, then these stupid-ass kids can get themselves into class and do a little learning. Like, hey, why did you not go to school today?

It's cold. Screw off, kids. Hey, nobody got time for your bullshit. No one's got time to hear some kids who know nothing about life getting to stay at home because it's too cold. And you know exactly what those kids are going to do? Those kids are going to end up going outside and playing in this fucking cold weather. That's what's going to happen.

So what's going to happen is these kids are going to take. their asses outside and they're going to sled and they're going to do everything but it's too cold to go to school that my friends is bullshit my ass had to be up at 430 today i had to sweep snow off the fucking car had to get the ice scraper out and these kids are like no can't go to school today sorry guys it's too damn cold too cold to go to school yeah it's cold as shit guess what get your asses to school because right now it's sunny i don't see any fucking snow So that literally you are canceling school because it's cold. Reading some of these comments.

Did you have your cowboy hat and bolot tie? You make jokes. I did. And I didn't wear those to school, but I did have a cowboy hat and bolot tie in Montana when I met Muhammad Ali. There's a picture of me with Muhammad Ali. I'm wearing a cowboy hat and a bolot tie when I met Muhammad Ali in Montana many moons ago. Come rain, snow, or heat, get your ass to the schoolhouse. house. Exactly. That's what I'm trying to convey here. That's the message I'm trying to convey to you.

There is no way that there's ever a situation where we're sitting here and like there should be kids that aren't going to school because it's too cold. If you want to tell me there's a tornado warning that don't go to school. You want to tell me there's a hurricane warning that don't go to school. You want to tell me it's a fucking blizzard? Don't go to school. But if you're going to sit here and tell me it's too cold to go to school. Now it's ridiculous. That's all. And look, do I sound like an old man bitch? Yeah, sure. I'm 39 years old. I have to go, you know who has to go shovel the sidewalk?

Me. You don't have to find a way to get his dog to go outside and keep him entertained. Like, look, my poor dog has to find a way to be entertained. All right? Like, he has a lot of energy. This fucking dog is like a damn greyhound. It's like my dog is constantly on blow. Like, he just has nonstop energy. Just nonstop. Go, go, go, go. That's my dog. Ross. He needs a lot of exercise or he's a pain in the ass all night and he's angry. How the hell do I get a dog exercise when he can't walk outside because it's negative 10 degrees? How? So now what I got to do is I've got to walk through every damn home improvement store to get him any exercise. So what I have to do is I have to be like, well,

here we are live from Home Depot, live from Lowe's, live from Menards. Actually, Menards don't even let dogs in. So I have to keep going to places that let dogs in. Here's what they should do. They should take all these shitty, almost dead malls and let people walk their dogs in there when it's negative 10 degrees. There's an idea for you. Whenever it's cold like this. Like there's a dead mall right down the road from my house.

It's got a couple of stores open. It's got a J.C. Penny. There's a dick. So it's not like full on dead. But ain't nobody in there at 2 o'clock in the afternoon on a Tuesday. What they should let you do is they should. let you bring your dogs into the mall and walk them around to get them exercise. Fuck it. I may just do it anyway.

I might go rogue with and just see if they catch me. What are they going to do? Do you think there's somebody in the mall? Some security guard at a dead mall who's going to be like, sir, you can't have your dog in here. They probably don't give a shit. I might just give it a shot. I've also contemplated, you know, just like defrauding the system and putting like some sort of vest on that like looks kind of like it's like a service dog vest. But if you actually read it, it doesn't say it. So I'm not committing any sort of like, you know, crimes or crimes of dickheadedness.

If I were to just go and say, all right, I'm going to put a vest on. You know the kind of vest that they look like, the service animal vest, right? If I were to take a service animal vest, that's not a service animal vest, but just has like his name on it. And people from afar would be like, oh, shit, that must be his seeing eye dog. Oh, shit, that must be like his seizure dog or something. See what I'm getting at here? See what I'm doing? See, if I do that, then maybe I can walk him around the mall.

And then someone says, wait a minute, that's not actually a service dog. Because I never claimed it was a fucking service dog. His name is on his thing. You're the one that assumed it was a service dog. I thought maybe since it's negative 150 outside, maybe you'd let me walk my fucking dog around the mall for five minutes to get him some fucking exercise. But anyway, how's your day going?