The Josh Innes Show - The Beauty Of No One Knowing Your Birthday

Episode Date: August 12, 2025

Yesterday was my birthday. You probably didn't know because it wasn't plastered all over Facebook. This is a beautiful thing. I'm of the belief that no grown man likes to deal with being told "Happy Birthday" in the office. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You know, there's a lot of beauty in the world going all-American beauty on, you know. How could I be so mad when there's so much beauty in the world? And there's a lot of beauty. You know, mountains and the Alps and, you know, the deserts and big beautiful bodies of water and big beautiful bodies of women. There are a lot of things that are beautiful. Watching your favorite team win championships, the birth of a child, which probably isn't beautiful. It sounds gross. But whatever.

there are a lot of beautiful things but I'll tell you what one of the great beauties in life is is not having Facebook and that's every day of the week it's nice to not have Facebook because Facebook is a cesspool we've talked about this a lot I despise Facebook I think it's horrible I think it's a waste of time

it's mostly just old people yelling at onion stories and believing Babylon B stories and getting scammed by Joe Elliott of Def Leppard. Like, that's basically what Facebook is for. But this is really

starting to piss me off now because they're actually getting money out of folk. Here's the deal, right? I am the real me, okay? Joe Elliot. Elliot is spelled with two T's not one. Everybody knows that. Do they? And I'm not much to brag, but I don't need your money, okay?

I would never, ever ask you for money. See, there you go. That's what Facebook exists for for people to get scammed and believe that Joe Elliott of deaf lepers in love with them. But after these commercial words, I will share with you one of the great beauties in life, and it has to do with not having Facebook. One of the true great beauties in life is people not remembering your birthday. My birthday was yesterday.

The number of people who knew my birthday are, let me, I can list. the number of people who reached out to me on my birthday. I think I can count them on one hand. My dad, eventually, my dad's wife, so my stepmom, the Zeppelins, my mom, my mom, my sister, my wife, so it's going to be just over two hands, if you want to count my dog, one of my two best friends in the world, Martin. And Ace Gilmore, who listens to the podcast and has for a million years, sent me a text and said, happy birthday. So by my count, seven people I actually know told me happy birthday yesterday. And my dad didn't really tell me happy birthday. My dad, and you'll believe this because it's so my dad, my dad loves to post about things that happen so he can get a bunch of likes.

So like if I were in the hospital, my dad would post to say I'm in the hospital so people would like. that's how my dad operates my dad posted about it being my birthday usually it's some sort of emotional post where here's a couple of pictures of me when I was a kid whatever this year it was the video of me doing the deaf leopard karaoke and then most of the body of the post was copy and pasted from a press release about me getting this job so it says my son Josh is going to bring a fast paced energetic style of radio to Detroit, according to Talkers Magazine. And I'm like, boy, dad, your emotional Facebook posts have gotten lazy lately. And I think it's mostly because he knows I'm not going to see it. Since I'm not on Facebook, he can't at me on Facebook. And if he doesn't at me on Facebook, it won't get as many comments. But he has to do it because those are the – oh, you know, I take it back.

And my brother, my little brother, Presley, so eight people sent me a message on my birthday. And it's beautiful. Because, first of all, I hate people telling you happy birthday in person because you're like, what the fuck did I do? I had nothing to do with being born. My mom shat me out and here I am. You should be congratulating my mom for surviving childbirth and producing a kid who's moderately successful. You did good. Birthday shouldn't be like me getting a present and me being celebrated as if I did something.

Now, if you want to celebrate me accomplishing something in life or doing something, something that I chose to do. Like, if you want to congratulate me on getting married in an anniversary thing, like, okay, I chose that. That was my decision. I did not decide to come into the world. I just came into the world. But I don't think, especially men, I think women, no matter how old you get, still

like to be told happy birthday and like it, I think men, once you hit a certain age, a lot of times you forget it your birthday, first off. Like, when you're younger, like, you're counting down the days. Like, it's a big deal to you. Like, oh, boy, my birthday's coming up. As you hit a certain age, particularly as men, you have no interest in being told happy birthday. You have no interest in being part of that conversation. Like when I worked in St. Louis, they would put your birthday, like the birthdays for that month up on a board so people could see them.

And then people who have no interest in you at all would come up and tell you happy birthday. And I'm like, thanks. I don't give a shit. Like, I appreciate family people telling me happy birthday. And like my little sister sends me a message and that's nice. Like, that's nice. I hate the small talk. And what I really hate is when someone finds out, like, secondhand that it's your birthday and that's someone that you're not really close with at work.

And then they start telling you happy birthday. And then what do you say? Like, is happy birthday a thank you thing? Do you tell people thank you? Like, what is the reaction you give to someone when they tell you happy birthday? And then, like, do you sound like a dick? Like, basically the reaction should just be, oh, thank you. That'd be the easiest, quickest thing to move on.

how old are you but like that's the easiest way to get through this is just to say thank you i appreciate this very nice but me i'd be like like and this is where i get myself in trouble me i just go and say things like i mean i didn't do anything i had nothing to fucking do it thank my mom what anytime someone tells you happy birthday what you should do is get your mom on the phone or your parents both of them and get them on the phone and put them on face time to make it really awkward and like is this just it's kind of like when someone says hey how you do and that you know you don't want to stop and talk with but like if you make it uncomfortable and actually stop and give them a full detailed breakdown of what's going on in your life like and it makes it

weird perhaps that's what you do with happy birthday when someone tells you happy birthday you stop and go you know what I'm going to let you say that to my mom because she's the one that had to carry me for nine months maybe longer maybe shorter and she went through the process of shitting me out and since I was her first kid she had no idea what she's going to be in for it was probably a miserable experience according to my dad he passed out in the in the delivery room so let's get them both on a face time and guess what my mom hates my dad so this will be a really great conversation and get them both on the phone and make this person really uncomfortable because it's just someone in the office that you never talk to outside of

passing like hello how are you is and then make them talk with your parents about it being your birthday see that sounds like a good time that sounds like something i would engage in but it's so good. Like there was a part of me in the past that would hate, like I would hold it against people if they forgot my birthday. What we've learned going back to Facebook is without Facebook, no one knows your birthday. And with Facebook, a bunch of people who truly don't know you or give a shit about you know it's your birthday and they give you empty, happy birthdays. Like you'll see a bunch of people back when I had like 10,000 people on Facebook and I get birthday messages. I'm like, oh, that's very nice. But like, I don't know you and you truly don't

give a shit about me. You follow me because I'm on the radio or you followed me because I got fired in Philly and was doing some dumb podcasts or Facebook Lives for a while. But like you don't give a shit about me, you know? You don't care about my existence. So who cares? You know, but no, what you learn is your friends don't even know your birthday when you don't have Facebook. And to be fair, you forget your friends birthday. It was very easy to at least be reminded. Like I can tell you the birthdays of almost everybody who's pretty close in my life. I can tell you their birthday. Like, I can tell you multiple best friend's birthdays if they just ask. They say, hey, when's your friend Tans's birthday? It's February 20th. What's your friend Martin's

birthday? It's March 7th. What's your sister's birthday? It's September 20th. Like, I can tell you all these things, right? Which your parents' birthdays? What's your, I can tell you those things. But the reminder that you get from Facebook is helpful. It's not that you didn't know it is that you just need a reminder. But it's actually very important. empowering and just freeing and liberating to know that other people have just they don't know your birthday they don't know that it is your birthday therefore you don't have to go through the process of thanking people a thousand times for telling you happy birthday and that is beauty and that is true living my friends