The Josh Innes Show - The Bunny Saga

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

Well, Ross has finally sunken his teeth into the flesh of a critter. It was quite the ordeal late last night..... Here's the story... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Hello everybody. Welcome in. Glad you're there in the midst of this nasty, gnarly heat here in St. Louis. It's been awful. But somehow my dog still walks like an hour in this heat. Like, I've never sweat this much in my life. And I've lived in Texas, I've lived in Louisiana. I have never sweat this much. Maybe it's because I've never had a dog that wanted to go out in the

heat like Luther would like Luther would be like, all right, we go five steps, he'd sit under a car, we'd go home and we never really deal with this kind of heat. Ross is committed to fighting through the heat. When I say heat, like I get it, most of you are in Houston. I lived there for a decade. So I understand that when some dipshit in the Midwest is bitching about how it's 100 degrees for a couple days like wah because here in Houston, it's hot and muggy and terrible

all the time. Over half of my life was spent in places that are nasty and hot and humid and terrible. So I totally get it. But this is the hottest it's been in the two plus years we've lived here. And it is gnarly. And I mean, just maybe it's just because I'm fat or older or whatever now. But I sweat my balls off it is steamy from the time you get up in the morning to the time you go to sleep man like back when I was in high school, we used to have to get up during the summer in Louisiana and go do conditioning right so we'd go to the football field and we would have

to do certain levels of conditioning in the off season if we were to play sports next year so I'd get up I forgot how many times a week it was and really me and my buddy would just go out there and kind of dick around but we had to go to the football field and you'd get up at seven o'clock in the morning and it was like you were walking into a hot like a bathroom when you've let the shower run with no ventilation and you've let this shower run at the hottest it'll go and it's steamy and I remember that and this is kind of what that feels like like you walk outside and you are engulfed in this blanket of wet, steamy, sweat producing or sweat inducing heat. And I'm kind of okay with it since my dog likes to do it. It doesn't seem like he's going to die because I dig sweating because it makes me feel like I did something. And it's really good to sweat whenever you really didn't have to exert that much effort,

right? It's like sitting in the steam room. That's why I like sitting in the steam room because you get all that shit out of you and you didn't really have to do anything. Although Ross likes to run and run up hills and do all sorts of stuff, so he's a little bit different. So I do get a little bit of a workout in there, but I kind of dig it. I feel good when I get home and I'm dronched in sweat. So I kind of like it, you know, I mean, I

don't want to do it every day and I wouldn't want to do it all year. And I'd like to move somewhere where you know, that's not the case all the time, you know, but hey, you know, it's not too bad. But speaking of the heat, I will share with you a story that involves being out in the heat. And it was a wild one last night at my house. We'll get into it after these words. Nothing hits like playoff hockey.

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advisor free of charge. Get to Toronto's main venues like Budweiser Stage and the new Roger Stadium with Go Transit. Thanks to Go Transit's special online e-ticket fairs, a $10 one-day weekend pass offers unlimited travel on any weekend day or holiday, anywhere along the Go network. And the weekday group passes offer the same weekday travel flexibility across the network, starting at $30 for two people and up to $60 for a group of five. Buy your online go pass ahead of the show at Gotransit.com slash tickets. So, you remember when we were in Philadelphia, I shared the story about how Ross, or rather

Luther, killed a squirrel. And it was one of the more, like, terrifying moments of my life because I genuinely felt bad for the squirrel. But I walk outside, Luther's got a squirrel in his mouth like a full-size squirrel. It's in his mouth. Remember Luther's not a huge dog. I mean he's you know he's a little schnauzer. He's got this squirrel in his mouth and I hear a crunch sound and like a meh and that squirrel was dead. So he drops the squirrel. There's no blood or anything but the squirrel is dead and I have to like go pick it up. So I go grab a like a bag from the grocery store, put it on my hand, pick up the squirrel like I this dead squirrel on someone else's garbage can so it could be picked up. And I still think that that was Luther's crowning achievement in life, the fact that

he actually caught a squirrel. Any dog who's like a domesticated city dog would feel that way. Like if you're someone who goes out hunting every weekend with your person and like you're sent out to go pick up the ducks after the ducks are shot or whatever, you're used to that kind of shit. If you live out on a farm, you're probably catching bunnies and all sorts of critters and squirrels and bunnies and everything else. So that's not a huge deal to you.

When you're a city dog and your people try to keep you from eating all of these critters, although you chase them on your walk and you try to climb the trees and you dig through the bushes and you chase them in the yard trying to get these critters. Getting one is obviously a huge deal. So, Luther got that one and then never got another one and I think he was always chasing that high. You know, like the first time you shoot up heroin, that was like Luther's heroin. He caught that squirrel and was chasing that high forever. That was the apex of Luther's life, catching that squirrel and he could never do it again. And I think after that day he was never the same. Like he never could find that same level of happiness. Like when you're chasing that thing,

you've always wanted, then you get it and then you can't get it again. And even if you did, it wouldn't feel the same. Your eyes wouldn't roll back and your toes wouldn't curl in the same way, you know? So that was Luther's big moment. Well, in our little yard here in St. Louis, we get bunnies. You know, some decent sized bunnies, some baby bunnies. I think there's a bunny nest that's under a shed here in our yard, this little yard, and there's a bunch of shrubbery that covers it. And sometimes Ross will jump into this shrubbery and dig around and try to get a bunny and

then you'll see like a big bunny dart out and then slither through the fence and Ross can't get it and he's all pissed off right like that's kind of how it goes but he's been trying to get one of these for a long time and fast forward to last night so last night it's about 1030 11 o'clock and we've just gotten back from a walk about an hour or so hour and a half before we took him for multiple walks last night, trying to make sure he was able to you know, get a lot of that energy out and sweat it out out in the heat. So maybe he'll you know, not get up in the middle of the night like a crazy

person. And we're about to go to bed and jelly says take Ross out and I tell her I say jelly I don't like to take him out because he's not gonna pee. It's pointless. All I'm gonna do is open this sliding glass door where all these bugs are hanging out. They're gonna fly in. They're gonna bother him all night. Like he's gonna be distracted by a fly. He's gonna chase it around all night and it's gonna be miserable. I don't want to take Ross outside. He's

not gonna pee. And she's like, well, he jumped off the couch. That means to me that he has to pee. So take him out. I said, all right, I don't want to. Plus, I just taken a shower. It's still like 95 degrees with a billion percent humidity. So you're outside for two seconds. And there's you got ass sweat, ball sweat. Like am I just taking a shower and put on my shorts and I'm ready to go to bed, you know. So anywho, I open the door and Ross immediately darts out of the door and heads for that shrubbery around that

thing. Now, around that shed, when we haven't been out there for a while, especially at night, there'll be some bunnies that congregate and they'll hop through the yard and shit, you know, and then they'll run away. Ross will chase them. Sometimes he won't see them because it's dark. Well, he gets a bead on something and runs and jumps into the shrub ring. I'm like, Ross, get the hell out of there. He's digging around. Normally nothing happens though, and eventually I'll get him out of there. Then I hear a squeak. And often my peripheral, I see one bunny run off to the right that Ross doesn't see. I'm like, all right, Ross, it's over there. The bunny went

that way. He got away. But then I hear another squeak emanating from the shrubbery and I'm like, shit, this motherfucker is gonna get a bunny and he's digging around and he kinda hopped. I'm like, Ross, get out there and he hops out and when he hops out, he has got a small bunny dangling from his mouth. He's got him like this teeth are like dug into the side of this bunny. He caught a fucking bunny.

This was like he's been waiting for this. All the squirrels he's missed out on all the bunnies he's missed out on. Ross emerges with a squirrel bunny in his mouth and I am fucking petrified. I'm like holy shit Ross drop it Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, get the fuck out here. Like the damn dog, he's got a bunny. She goes, oh my God, how did he get a bunny? I'm like, I don't know because he didn't need to go outside and you made me take him outside. And now we have to deal with this shit. But I'm hoping, hey, this is a dead bunny. I can just pick it up and maybe dispose of it. Right? Well, I get Ross inside and I go back out to look at the damage and this bunny a little baby bunny is still alive and I'm thinking maybe he's just scared shitless and maybe Ross didn't clap down on him.

Maybe he's going to scurry off at some point because he's just sitting there. And then I kind of look and I'm like, holy shit. I think I can see the inside of this bunny. So I'm like, I don't know what the fuck to do, because he's still alive. And I don't know if he's paralyzed. I'm assuming he's gonna die, right? Like, I'm assuming this bunny, it's the end for this bunny. It's just a matter of when not if this bunny is gonna die. But I don't know what the fuck to do. So I go back inside, and I'm trying to find something to pick this

bunny up with this This is a small not like a fetus of a bunny. It is a full like formed bunny. It's just a baby a small tiny bunny right? I mean it like it was sitting in the grass after Ross had bitten it. It was sitting in the grass and it looked like your little Easter chocolate bunny looks I'm like oh my god this fucking bunny man it's so I go inside and I'm like, What can I use to pick this thing up? Go into the room and I grabbed two like, cotton gloves that I

use for you because I think I'm a professional smoker and all the guys in the videos put on these cotton gloves and then put on the black rubber gloves over it. So I grabbed two of these and I'm like, I gotta go try to pick up this fucking bunny and see if he's alive, whatever. So I pick him up and I'm holding this bunny in my hand. And this bunny is still alive, like his eyes are blinking. He's making faces. I don't think his back legs can move like he's paralyzed. He's

a done, he's donezo. And I know what I'm supposed to do in this situation. I know what the right thing to do. I know what the ethic if you want to call it ethical, I know the humane. That's the word I'm looking for. I know what the humane thing to do. I know what the if you want to call it ethical, I know the humane. That's the word I'm looking for. I know what the humane thing to do here is find a rock, drop it on this poor bastard and put him out of his misery. And I know that's what I should do. As I'm sitting there walking around trying to think of any other thing I can do. I've got this

dead bunny in my hand. It's 9000 degrees with a million percent humidity. I got ball sweat. I got ass sweat. My shorts are soaked in sweat. My first thought is to maybe just throw it over the fence to the neighbor's yard and be like, eh, they'll figure it out. But then I'm like, what if they have a ring doorbell cam and they see me, right? So I can't find anywhere to put it. I can't leave him in the yard. That might be your question. Why don't you just leave him in the yard to die? Because then Ross will go out in the morning and get him again and I don't want Ross eating the fucking bunny. I don't know what kind of disease a goddamn bunny has. So I'm like, what do I do? So then I have to try to get out

of my backyard because I can't walk through the house with this dead bunny because Ross is in there and it's just weird to walk through your house with a dead bunny. The problem with getting out of my backyard is neither one of these gates, the wooden fence gates close on their own. They have to be held closed by like heavy, like a heavy boulder because they're just, they're shitty gates, right? So I'm trying to force my way through this gate that I had secured shut so Ross's ass couldn't get out.

I slithered through it into the front yard and I'm like, could I just possibly leave this little bastard like out in like the open and then like a dog will walk by tomorrow and just kind of pick him up when he's dead and it'll be someone else's problem. But then that thought came to my mind again, like someone's going to see this shirtless guy in his underwear out there trying to dump off the dying carcass of a bunny and if it's on someone's ring doorbell in my mind, they're going to be super pissed. I don't know why I'm thinking this, why it matters but I'm like, I'm not going to leave pissed. I don't know why I'm thinking this, why it matters. But I'm like, I'm not going to leave this there. Like, I know if I leave it there, someone's dog will pick it up and it will

become someone else's problem. And that's all I wanted it to be. But then I was also feeling bad because this poor fucking bunny that is in my hand in this cotton glove I'm wearing, this poor bunny is still alive. And I know what I need to do. I need to just put him out of his misery and then throw him in the garbage and say, you know what that's all in a day's work. but I'm a pussy and I couldn't do that. I couldn't get myself to pick up some heavy object, a hammer, a rock, anything. I couldn't allow myself to do my honest to god. my other thought was to somehow slide this little creature under

the tire of the neighbor's car. So when he leaves tomorrow, he'll just run over it and again it will be his problem but somebody would have seen that. Imagine you see a ring doorbell. You're looking at your footage. Fat shirtless sweaty dude with a dead bunny, a small little palm sized dead bunny and he's put it under your tie. I couldn't do it. So our garbage cans are on the side of our house. Like our driveway goes up and it kind of goes over by the side of the

garage where you can put two garbage cans. It's a small little patch of concrete and then off to the right is the neighbor's house. There's a grass that separates us not by much and maybe like a tiny piece of like shrubbery. So what I decided to do because I didn't have the balls to put the poor bastard out of his misery. I knew like I knew there was no coming back.

Jilly was like chat GPT and shit. She's like, well if you if you put him in like a shoe box and keep him warm not hot but keep him warm. We could call maybe the the wildlife people and they can maybe help revive him. I'm like I'm not going to call these fuckers. There's no reviving. He is going to die. I can see his innards. He is going to die. So I took the bunny and I laid him down in the grass near the garbage can him down in the grass near the garbage can. And I'm like, Listen, pal, you're you're not going to make it say a little

prayer do the cross through him in him with him all that shit. And I'm like, Listen, pal, this is probably the end of the road for you. So I'm just gonna leave you here. And I hope when you come back when I come back out to see you tomorrow, you will have gone to the upper room and then I will pick you up in a bag and I will throw you in the garbage can or I don't know where off maybe I'll I'll put you I'll I'll walk you down the street and put you in someone

else's **** garbage can. I don't know but I'm going to move on for like you will be dead. So, I check on it this morning and I'm seeing like flies and **** so I'm assuming old buddy is dead. I haven't picked him up yet like my hope last night. Let me tell you what my actual biggest dream was here. Kind of a noble way to go because I wonder if getting like attacked by a dog is a noble way for a bunny way to go and I want to say attack. I like I don't even know if Ross knew what he was

doing but whatever attack makes it sound bad makes it sound like it was a pre calculated murder. I think this was manslaughter. But like I wanted some other critter to maybe pick him up and transport him somewhere like I don't root for coyotes to be in the neighborhood or foxes. I have seen a fox in the neighborhood. I'm not opposed to like a fox coming over and being like ooh a bunny and then just picking him up and taking him somewhere else, then he can die

an honorable death. But that fucking bunny last I checked is still there and I'm fairly certain he's dead. And I'm gonna have to pick him up. And I know I like I talked to Jim, I texted Jim, because you know, whatever, I talked to Jim about everything. And I'm like, Jim, you know, Ross got a bunny. He's like, Yeah, good for him. And I'm like, but the fucker was still alive. And I didn't know what to do. He's like, Well, you should have just taken a rock to his head. And I'm like, that's not in me. I know that that's

humane. I know that that's what I'm supposed to do. It's like assisted suicide. Like, I don't want to be the one doing it. I'm not against the concept of it. Totally. But I don't want to be the one that's the one that's delivering the shot. So that bunny is still laying out he's dead, I would imagine he's got flies and bugs all over him. So now it's gonna be my duty to go out there and pick him up and throw him in the garbage can. I may just put him in a fucking bag and walk

him down to the gas station and throw him in that garbage can because their garbage will get taken out you know today, or our garbage can has to sit there in this billion degree heat for four or five more days before the garbage gets picked up. So that was a fucking ordeal last night. And then it's funny like and Ross never likes to give kisses, but he's like, Hey, guys want some kisses? I'm like the fuck I do. I don't want any kisses from your dirty ass. Your damn mouth full of bunny son of

a bitch. So that was the night last night. That was quite the sweaty dead bunny Ross proud of himself. What an ordeal. More to come.