The Josh Innes Show - The Shane Gillis Monologue

Episode Date: July 17, 2025

The right wing world thinks Shane Gillis is brilliant. The left wing world thinks he is terrible. This is the first time I'm hearing his entire monologue. Let's break it down. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There's regular cold and then there's the mountains are blue cold mountain cold refreshment cores light the chill choice celebrate responsibly must be legal drinking age. So here's one thing I will say about the Shane Gillis thing before we play the monologue. There's a line in here and I don't know if it's in the monologue or if it happened elsewhere in the show, but it's been going around where they show, uh, just a random black woman in the crowd. He's like, this is Brittany, such and such, and she's a four time WNBA champion or MVP and everybody claps. And then it's like, Nope, she's just an actual friend of mine,

but I knew that you wouldn't have no clue, um, you know, who this was. That's the bit that I wanted to do at Radio Row for years and years, which is just take random black guy around and put a whole entourage around him and people with cell phones and shit and make him look like he's very important and see how many people would wanna have him on. Now that would have worked a lot better in 2013, 2010, 2011,

before social media really blew up and cell phones really blew up the way they are now. But it really would have worked and I think it would have been super successful and funny but I never did it. So that I find funny but that's the kind of humor that I find funny. I enjoy the audience and things like that being the butt of the joke because it just shows how dumb people are and it shows how quick to make judgments people are, right? Like, people love to shit on like NBA Centelle, which is a parody account of NBA Central and it just posts fake things and a lot of people's criticisms will be, there's no comedy here,

you're just posting fake news. The comedy is that you're too dumb to read that it says NBA Sentel and you share it and you retweet it as if it's real and it's really just a condemnation of you and how dumb you are and how anxious you are to be angry about something that you will retweet something without reading the fine print or clicking on the account and seeing that it says parody account. You're the butt of the joke and sometimes stupid people need to be the butt of the joke. That said, let's play some commercials and we'll play this Shane Gillis monologue. I have to write you a ticket to my new movie, The Naked Gun. Liam Neeson. Buy your tickets now and get a free chili dog. Chili dog not included.

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No frills? Delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from no frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC optimum points on your first five orders. Shop now at nofrills.ca. All right, so let's see here. What do we have? Shane Gillis monologue. Let me see if I can turn this up. I think I got all my shit set up again. Let's see. Hello. Welcome to the 2025 ESPYs. I'm so excited to be here in front of so many amazing athletes. World champion, Freddie Freeman is here. give it up for Freddie, yeah. WNBA legend, Deanna Tarassi is here, give it up for her, my bet on that.

SGA is here, give it up for SGA. Hell yeah, bro. And now everybody sitting around him is in foul trouble. That's an okay joke, but it's not like, I don't know, I don't find that to be the most incredible stuff I've heard. Now granted, that's like the first joke of this. And like, I don't know, it's's fine but it's not like oh my god that's the funniest shit I've ever heard. Megan Rapinoe could not make it tonight. Nice. No we're gonna pretend she's a good time. Alright. And again these are all

fine and like there's nothing wrong with it. I people keep trying to compare this to Norm McDonald. They're like, oh my God, this is like Norm's. Here's the difference. When you listen to Norm McDonald, you get the vibe that this guy truly is not nervous and he does not give a shit. I don't get that vibe here. Maybe that's just his overall demeanor and that's the way he plays it.

I don't get the vibe that Shane Gillis is sitting there like, like I don't like think about this. You want to talk about ballsy? Norm McDonald had the Saturday Night Live gig hosting Weekend Update, which is like the greatest gig you can have in comedy, right? Like it's, you know, on SNL it's the greatest gig you can have because it's you and only you and you're the one doing it and he lost his gig because he couldn't stop making jokes or wouldn't stop making jokes about OJ and he knew it was pissing off the higher-ups and he kept doing it now you could argue that's stupid and that's fine you can argue that however I would combat and say this guy was so willing to do funny shit that he lost his job over it.

Like I don't believe that that's what you're getting from Shane Gillis here. Therefore I'm not going to say that Shane Gillis is Norm. The Norm MacDonald one was fucking amazing. So far this is fine. John Jones and Nate Diaz are here. I actually, yeah, hell yeah. Actually, I had a couple drinks with those guys last night at the hotel and it was terrifying. Donald Trump wants to stage a UFC fight on the White House lawn.

The last time he staged a fight in D.C., Mike Pence almost died. And see, now you're kind of going with the balance it out. Let's make a joke that we're kind of taking a dig at Trump, So if we take a dig at Trump, they can't say that I'm the right-wing comedian again. It's fine. But like, I don't know. I don't know. Like I listen to this and none of this makes me go. Oh boy, that's fucking hysterical. And I also think it's his reaction to everything like I don't like his weird nervous Uneasy reaction and the two hands on the microphone and like I don't like his reaction like every time he tells a joke He like tries to make it seem edgier than it was by like oh, we don't like that. Do we like my god

It was fine. I didn't write it Actually there was supposed to be an Epstein joke here, but as it got deleted Must have probably deleted itself, right? Probably never existed actually. Let's move on as a country and ignore that. The New York Knicks had a great season. Yeah, hell yeah. The New York Knicks had a great season. Yeah, oh yeah. Carl Anthony Towns is here.

Hey, girl. And then so you're playing off of all the online stuff, all the reels and stuff where they're making fun of Kat. And by the way, those videos, The thing is the videos that people make of Karl Anthony Townes are much funnier than that joke. Right, and that's also kind of a deeper joke for people but. Max Crosby is here, Max, I hope you had a good Juneteenth brother.

That's a good one. Oh, that guy's weird. See, I hate that. Like just tell the jokes and go. See, like, that's kind of the difference, right? Like, this is why this isn't Norm MacDonald, right? So when you go back and you listen to the Norm MacDonald one from... And look, I'm not the one bringing this up.

Like, I think he referenced Norm MacDonald at one point, and the whole world's like, this is the closest thing we've had to Norm MacDonald doing this. The difference in all of this is that you've got a guy who every time he makes one of these kind of edgy controversial jokes about anything and the audience kind of oozing odds he's like oh what what was that? Like Norm really just motored through the thing and did not give a fuck. Four-time WNBA All-Star Brittany Hicks is here give it up for Brittany everybody. Four time WNBA All-Star Brittany Hicks is here. Give it up for Brittany everybody. I'm joking around. That's my friend's wife. I knew none of you knew WNBA players. And I actually love the concept of that joke because that goes to the bit that we wanted to do, like the stereotypes.

Like, hey, you're at Radio Row and you see a black guy walking around and everybody, anytime you'd see a black guy walking around Radio Row, the first thought was, oh, wonder who he plays for. Like you'd walk up to people. And me and Jim did that once on the air. If you'll remember, Jim, when he would walk around with the microphone, we did this one at the Super Bowl in Houston.

Jim walks up to this giant black dude and goes, hey, who do you play for? And he's like, I'm not an athlete, but I am an actor. And it was the guy that had played Michael or in the blind side. Right. But like, I love the idea of that joke. I don't know if he let that thing marinate enough, right? Like, I think he could have,

he could have taken that and he could have listed all of the accomplishments of Brittany such and such the character and everybody's going nuts. Like, yeah, man, this is great. And then be like, I'm'm full of shit that but that's not even real like I think he he didn't let that marinate enough Because that's the best setup he had Simone Biles is here. Yeah By the way, she's insufferable it's not bad By the way, she's insufferable. It's not bad. Simone Biles is four foot eight and has seven gold medals.

She's short and has a lot of gold. When she's not competing, she leads a quiet life at the base of a rainbow. That's arguably the worst joke of the night. So far, that's the worst. That's just dumb. It's a leprechaun joke. God damn. For fuck's sake. Every joke you tell, it's a leprechaun joke for the fuck sake every joke you do the leprechaun joke Jesus Christ come on a riddle and she can't answer it she has to give you

all of her gold medals you know that's what I'm saying if you would have told that joke instead of doing the base of the rainbow joke like I would have been better with that joke had you eliminated those a leprechaun joke and then just told the she has to give you a cone because it makes you think like oh he's saying she's a leprechaun haha. Basically having to explain the joke before telling the good joke sucked. Joe Rogan actually wanted me to be here to host this award show so that I could capture Adam Silver because Joe thinks he's an alien and Donald Trump wanted me to be here to capture Juan Soto for the same reason. It's an alien joke.

And then what I love is the shot is a the crowd shot is of Pat McAfee losing his shit like it's bro on bro bro world like it's like bro worlds colliding there and then they showed Drew ski who might as well by me Drew ski I don't know what he does or why he's funny but Drew ski is also in there and like he's like part of the bro culture as well. Aaron Rogers did not take the vaccine because he predicted it would be bad for him and then he joined the New York Jets. Also, that joke, I mean that's quite a dated joke there by the way. Like that one's like an easy lazy one and it's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

I mean that's like a two year old joke. He wasn't right about everything. Shanoor Sanders had his jersey number retired at Colorado this year and people are saying it's because of nepotism, because of his father and it's not. It's because he went 13 and 12 over his career and he almost won the Alamo Bowl. Definitely not nepotism, right? All right. See, that, see that, that's the kind of joke I like.

I like it when like you don't have to explain the joke. I think too often you're explaining the joke. The Simone Biles, the pot of gold thing, you could have either done the lame pot of gold joke with Simone Biles or you could have done the one that followed that, but doing them both and using one to set up the other one I didn't find funny. Here for the WNBA, I love Caitlin Clark.

Caitlin, yeah, hell yeah. So nice. Caitlin Clark Kate yeah, yeah Caitlin Clark she and I have a lot in common. We're both whites from the Midwest who have nailed a bunch of threes That's okay Now and then they show Pat McAfee again And he's like like Pat McAfee literally thinks this is the funniest shit He's ever seen mind you Pat McAfee literally thinks this is the funniest shit he's ever seen. Mind you, Pat McAfee brought Shane Gillis out to the big night out and like they're boys like he's laughing his ass off but like part of me is that's just a lot of these jokes are just kind of lazy

like obvious setup jokes like that. That one I think it's funny but it's kind of like yeah okay I don't know just like people comparing this to norm. Maybe I'm just being old school crotch, the old man yells at cloud thing. Um, I, I don't see this to be norm like really at all. Yeah, like not a little. And by the way, she wasn't the butt of the joke. If you go back to the norm shit, like he's the butt of the joke. So in this case, he's the butt of the joke. How controversial is it to say, hi, fuck a bunch of threes, right? That's what he's saying. When Norm is joking about OJ, and he's joking about the cowboys, and he's joking about crack,

he ain't making fun of himself. He's making fun of the cowboys. In this case, this guy's saying, I fuck a bunch of threes, and I'm from the Midwest. We'll see about this one. And then you play the whole thing where you're like, oh, boy, every joke I say is so controversial.

We're gonna see, let's see how you guys react here. When Caitlin Clark retires from the WNBA, she's going to work at a Waffle House so she can continue doing what she loves most, fist-fighting black women. And that's a good joke. That, that to me that might be the best joke he told all night. I think you could have let it marinate a little bit like the

part about doing stuff like this. That's not in stand-up, but is in monologue like a Jay Leno type of monologue like what Jay Leno would do so well doing a monologue and telling the joke like that is he wouldn't run right through the joke. He would set it up with, you know, Caitlin Clark is going to be, when she retires, she's going to be doing, you know, the stuff that she really loves doing. And like the audience would go, oh yeah, what?

And he'd do the, hee hee hee hee hee hee hee. And it'd be working at a Waffle House so she can fist fight black women, like that type of shit. Like, you gotta let it merit. Again, I'm not the professional comedian. I'm not playing sold out arenas. What the fuck do I know? I'm just telling you what I find funny and how I think it would have been better set up. And I think that could have been done better. The joke itself is good. I think the pacing and the setup wasn't great on that. Oh yeah. Who yelled Drusky? Thank you bro. John Jones. Again And then you had Drusky. Again, this is bad. It almost feels like he was doing a show for Pat McAfee and Drusky. What are you, nut jobs over there?

Hell yeah. Shohei Otani couldn't make it tonight. Man, I hope his interpreter didn't bet that he was gonna be here. These are just kind of lazy and poorly, and I get that you have to do jokes for the audience and it's a sports award show, and you have to do jokes that fit that,

and I totally get it. I just feel like some of these could be better. Like, I don't feel like that's a great joke. That's an obvious joke, like, okay, here it comes. And the art of this is knowing, like, people know you're gonna have to tell a joke about an obvious subject. Make the joke better.

And I just don't think that's a great joke. Shohei is a once in a generation talent. No one's been able to do what he does at so many positions, pitcher, hitter, and bookie. A bookie is what Bill Belichick reads to his girlfriend before bedtime. See, okay, here's what you could have done. Here's what I would have fucking done

if I were telling the joke. Or if I were editing, if he's reading me these before this monologue, and I don't know if he has a set amount of time he has to go, like, it has to be 10, it can't be eight, whatever, I would have gone in and said, listen, the first joke, like, oh, I hope his interpreter didn't bet. That's a lazy, boring joke.

I like it, because it doesn't require thought, right? Like I prefer the second part That's the second time that's happened where the second part of the joke was better And you didn't need the first part of it if you would have said yeah You know you've got a great situation where you got show Hey, who's a pitcher a batter and a bookie and then into the joke about Belichick's girlfriend, bro. That's a slam dunk That's great shit, but the first part of it, which is just, oh, I hope he didn't bet on him.

It's like a Pete Rose joke. Like, I wonder who Pete Rose bet. It's lame. Also, they just showed Alex Morgan, who apparently is just like chicks are no longer dressing like dudes on these awards shows now. 2025 is a different year, man. You need the very horny caterpillar.

The little engine that could, but needed a pill first. And of course, the classic good night boobs. All that's fine. I just I hated the setup with the Otani thing. And I hated the lame ass joke about Biles. The second joke in each of those was wonderful. That's my favorite one. Also I'm not trashing Bill Belichick. First off, he's 73 years old and he's dating a hot 24 year old and people are criticizing him. What happened to this country? It used to be a great country. He won six Super Bowls.

Yeah, he's dating a hot 24 year old. Maybe if you guys won six Super Bowls. Yeah. He's dating a hot 24-year-old. Maybe if you guys won six Super Bowls, you wouldn't be sitting next to a fat, ugly dog wife. That's... They let me do it. I don't... I just don't like the... I don't care. I get the concept of the joke, but instead of saying a fat, ugly dog wife, which I just the concept of the joke but it's just saying a fat

ugly dog wife which I just didn't think the content was funny there you know maybe if you would have won six Super Bowls you wouldn't be sitting next to your wife or whatever so some way to deliver that that's funnier than fat ugly dog what like it just feels like it's for dipshits right I don't know if you guys get what I'm saying there just feels like it's for dipshits, right? I don't know if you guys get what I'm saying there. It just feels like it's for dipshits. This is Disney, they allowed that. Yeah, I'm gonna tell you a story. I was at, yeah, we should have taken that out.

I had doubts going into that. That didn't work all week. Actually, it was a good year for me in sports. I went to Notre Dame, went to the national title. I was at the, yeah, go Irish. I was at the, uh, I was at the Eagles, the Super Bowl when they won. And it was not, yeah, go birds.

Yeah, go birds, yeah. But I was down there. I'm just gonna tell you a story real quick. It's not a good joke. I was, uh, it was halftime of the game. When we looked up, you could see Donald Trump, he was sitting at the suite, like at the 50-yard line. You couldn't see him up, you could see Donald Trump, he was sitting in the suite, like at the 50 yard line.

You couldn't see him, but you could see like his silhouette. You know what I mean? It was just... Oh, hold on, now I gotta play goddamn commercials. Hold on a second. I was playing this off of YouTube. Talk amongst yourselves. Hurry up, spot.

I got five seconds to air on this. Five seconds to go and then we're back at it. Two, one, and go. Hurry up, spot. I got five seconds to air on this. Five seconds to go and then we're back at it. Two, one, and go. My baby. Also, can we stop pretending Donald Trump knows ball? It's like a weird thing where they're like, man, he loves sports. He doesn't know anything about sports.

Every time a team comes and visits the White House, he's like, and you must be the guy who catches. It's like, look at these guys, big guys. This is the best shit he does. Like, and I understand that everybody does a Trump, but this is great shit. Like, once you start getting into the Trump shit, like I am a sucker for good Trump shit.

Like the guy on SNL that does the Trump, I'm a fucking sucker for it. And I'm a sucker for this too. Black guys and that's just when the New York Liberty visited. They didn't visit. Hold on, hold on let me rewind. That was solid. I will, that one's good. Guys, big guys, black guys. That's good. That's just when the New York Liberty visited tip of the cap tip of the cap to you shade that's a good fun but that's good like that's truly like an asshole joke that's something that like I could go ooh ah holy shit not oh I don't I you know Caitlin Clark nails as many threes as I

do haha that's quality shit. Good job, Shane. But it was halftime, and we looked up, and we saw Trump. I was with my buddy, and I was like, we should just sneak up there and try to meet him. And we did. We got into his suite, which turns out, it's pretty easy to get access to Donald Trump, which is probably why he keeps getting shot all the time.

We just got right in there. But we're in there. He doesn't know who I am, but there's a line of people, and he's just shaking hands with everybody and I was at the end of the line. But also I took a picture with him and I posted it and people got upset about that. What the hell?

As a president. I get to like, like his weird thing he does, like his thing to get a reaction is he does the hands thing that he does, like his own hands thing, like a hand will come off the mic and I don't know, as if that's like the punch line. It's very weird. If Trump and London was in the suite,

I would have been like, yeah, you're crazy. All right. But he's shaking hands with everybody. It's very funny, Trump does this thing whenever he meets somebody for the first time, even if he doesn't know him, he gives him like a crazy compliment. It's kind of nice, like he got to the guy next to me and he was like, look at you. You're

beautiful. And then he got to me and he was like, look at you. You're huge. I was like, thank you Mr. President. Like I am a sucker for Trump shit. I can't like, I cannot help myself. Trump impressions when done well, even when done poorly, I can't get enough. But he shook my hand. He stood next to me. So me so I'm just you know I was at the end of the line so there's no one else for him to shake hands with so he's just standing next I got to hear him breathe for like a minute just standing next to me just and then his daughter Ivanka walked over to us which by the way so hot she

walked over and I was... And there's. He does the hands the thing super. Well, I was hammered. I was like, oh Your dad just said I was huge So now it's me Trump and Ivanka they're not talking to me obviously but I can overhear what they're saying and Trump goes Ivanka, how would you like to meet the president of soccer and sure enough the president of FIFA soccer And sure enough, the president of FIFA soccer was also in the suite with us. He was getting, like, nachos. And Donald Trump just looks at him and goes, "'Ew.'"

And the guy put his plate down and walked straight to us. And then Donald Trump didn't even look at him. He just kept talking to his daughter, and he goes, "'This is the president of soccer.'" And they gave us the World Cup, and they did that because of me. And then he walked out of the room. See, that's good shit.

It's just me and the president of FIFA looking at each other like... That was crazy. That was a dumb thing to say. It was crazy. That was crazy, being in that room. It's crazy to be in this room with so many legends. You guys are awesome. Oscar Robertson, that's awesome.

Sugar Ray Leonard's here. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sugar Ray, you're the man, but in 10 years, Jake Paul's gonna try to knock you out, so take it easy. Okay, that's good shit. There's one thing I want to say before I get out of here,

and this is a dumb joke. You guys aren't gonna like it, but it was just a Norm MacDonald joke that I loved when he hosted the ESPYs, and I'm gonna do it now. Travis Hunter won the Heisman Trophy this year. He's the first defensive player since Charles Woodson to win the Heisman. Congratulations, Travis Hunter.

Winning the Heisman, that's something they can never take away from you, unless you kill your wife and a waiter. In which case, they can take that away from you. Well, see, a lot of you don't like me, and that's okay. In which case they can take that away from you. Well, see a lot of you don't like me and that's okay. So there were some things in there that were really good. The best shit is when you don't have to explain it and it requires some thought like explaining

the joke before telling the joke is the worst. His Trump shit is great. Anybody who can tell stories about being around Trump and tell about like because like and you know, they're true You know that they're not exaggerated. You know that it's real and that's phenomenal Some of it sucked I don't think that this guy changes comedy and I don't think that he's changing the world and I don't think that you know Oh my god life is so much better in comedy because of Shane Gillis Like I'm not a huge fan, right? I'm fine. I'm kind of indifferent I guess like I'd go see him and maybe I'd laugh my balls off. I am someone who reacts poorly to like

things that are either elevated or downplayed based on politics and currently Left-wing people like Sarah Spain are shitting on this and right-wing people are talking about it Like we're watching nor McDonald at the ESPYS and and I get annoyed by that shit But after listening to it, I think there was some shit that was really good some shit That was really bad and some was fine. I'm not a big fan of though the plane though Oh, you guys don't like that one. How are we we're gonna take that out like like that one huh oh we were gonna take that out just like norm did that so much better because norm truly did not give a shit and that's what made him elite so anyway more to come