The Kristian Harloff Show - Venom: Let There Be Carnage Movie Review (Non-Spoiler) | The Big Thing

Episode Date: October 4, 2021

Venom Let There Be Carnage came out and did GREAT! How was it? A review on the Big Thing is what you need. Does Steph's dad look at her Instagram account? Kate and Kristian tell embarrassing stories on old relationships. Follow on Twitter Kristian Harloff https://bit.ly/31PePMD Mark Ellis https://bit.ly/2U1wKPa Brett Sheridan https://bit.ly/2HBltii Steph Sabraw https://bit.ly/3m0ud0z Kate Mulligan https://bit.ly/3owBneT Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy Monday, everybody. It is going to be a lot of fun here today. Venom, well, the movie came out, but we're going to talk about it. We're going to talk about, was it good? Well, guess what? There's three people on this show. Two of them have not seen it. But one of us has.

You're going to decide who? And it's going to be between myself, Steph Sabraa, Kate Mulligan. You probably guessed already. but we're going to be able to talk to you guys about that in just a little bit. Now, at the time of this taping, no, I have not seen in many Saints of Newark. However, at the time of this taping, the time this airs, I might have already put my review up of it. So time's all fucked up right now. I'll tell you that.

But I will say that I've watched three minutes and 29 seconds of it, and that's my favorite movie of the year. So we are, there's so much to talk about. There is going to be a lot that we are going to be doing here today. I'm excited because it's the first time I think. think on the big thing that I have Kate and Steph on together, which is awesome. We haven't done that yet, which is pretty crazy. But it's not Kate Mulligan's birthday, although she feels like it is because I put Steph on the show with her today.

So we're going to have some fun, guys. Let's get at it. What's up, everybody? Welcome back. It's a big thing. It's Monday. Fun shows coming up this week. Not only do we're going to.

We're going to have this one, and we're going to be talking about Venom and other shit that's on the air. We got shows in New York this week, so I did a couple pre-tapes. Wednesdays, a lot of fun, man. Naveed McAlargy, my buddy, producer, he's on, and the stories he told, absolutely incredible. We talk about The Matrix, whether it's going to be good, what we think, is at the right time, a lot of streaming talk. and Friday's the rewatch of Spider-Man with me, Koi, and Winston. Today is Venom. Steph took her jacket off.

Kate lost her mind. I didn't know a woman's body could look like this. Move over a little bit. Wait before you get my chair all wet. Closer to me. Yeah. Oh, my God. So, welcome back. I'm so big.

The leg of the chair. Stop that. You're just lying. Yeah. I'm not. You know, it's so funny. Can I put you in an awkward position? Yeah.

My favorite is when, if you post something, Kate will go, will you look at this? I don't feel awkward about that at all. I send it to everybody. I know. I'm like, here's a gift for you. And it's sent in a way just like of like the way that you go to a museum. Yeah, yeah.

But I'm also like, I feel like a lot of times I'll send a picture. I'll be like, yo welcome. Oh, my God. You're welcome. wife goes what did she just send you? Kate, it's, uh, everybody needs to see it. My greatest honor is serving you. I'll tell you what.

You can go in with that philosophy, you'd be married for a long time. Oh my God. I don't think it lasts though. You'll bring honor to us all. Yeah, I need that. I need a male Kate. It's, well, she.

Or Kate to get, or Dickie to go. Well, I told, I told this, you guys will appreciate this. I told this, I've been, to. a few people so far, but I think you guys really appreciate it. So it was National Daughters Day. Like, we can go. Yeah. My daughter is pretty damn smart.

So she goes, I was like, honey, it's National Daughters Day. She goes, isn't it just a woman's day? I mean, everybody's a daughter. Oh, my. Wow. Yes. Wow. Right.

That's the first thing she said. She's like, and then they got the little one today because I said to her because she was chugged with my birthday. And she's like, I said. I was like, I'm not going to be able to do this forever. She's like, I'll still give you a hug forever, da da. And yeah, right? And then, and she goes, she goes, when I get married, when I'm older, but, you know, everybody gets married, everybody has kids, but I still hug you.

Why is she perfect? They're both of them. Yeah, they're really, really cool. I mean, yeah. I mean, sometimes they're real, but, but if you look on the floor, you might see my daughter's iPad somewhere, the orange thing. it's probably here somewhere because she was yeah that's that's punishment oh oh what happened she was she was being a little bit of an a-hole so i was like okay older older i was like enough is enough and i was like you want this locked up the office and that was that so she's what's her reaction

is she she just yeah she's she that's the thing is that she's so she's so fucking smart but she's she's got you know she's got the brain of a she's nine years she's going to be ten but she's the brain of like a 14-year-old. And she knows all about blow jobs. Stop this. Well, you said 14. You could have gone. I'm just saying.

You knew. You knew. You knew when you said that. Look how red you. You never get red. You knew that that one. You just got as Irish as you get right there. I never said.

You are as red. I feel bad. You are as red as Chuckie's hair. Look is Chuckie's hair. Yeah, listen. Man. You have the sons to worry about. Right.

One of them is going to be having car sex. Yeah. Not if I teach him right. Not if I teach him right. I'll tell him, you take her to the trunk. That's right. You don't have sex in the car. Otherwise it turns like that Titanic scene.

Yeah, there's like a handprint. And then the problem is that handprint doesn't go away and your roommate gets in the car. And they see the handprint. It's not real. Guys are like, yeah. They would love to see it. Can I ask a question that I don't, and if you don't, if you feel like that, I don't want to talk about that, it's fine. Does your dad ever see the Instagram post?

Oh, no, he doesn't at all. Okay, because I work with you and I saw that pool picture and I said. The pool pictures. And I said, oh, that one. And I was like, because you are like, you remind me like my little sister. Okay. Yeah. When I see a picture, I scroll.

But then I sent it to him. In his phone. Send it to me anyone. That one is definitely the most friskey. 2,000 likes, makes sense? That I've posted. That one, yeah, that one I was like, I thought about it for a while. I was like, should I, should I pull the trigger?

And then you saw what your ass looked like that. It's never going to look this good ever again. I have to. Your ass said, why wouldn't you post this? I have to document this moment in time. If I had an ass like that, I would put it on my face. And that would be how I would tweet it out. I would walk ass first.

No, one thing my mom actually, I grew up super prude. I am pretty, like, conservative about the things that I do, like, or people I choose to do things with. But she always said, if you got it, flunt it. Like, always. Stay me. So that's good. So your dad just stays away from it.

He's off social media. But I also don't feel like he would hear. I don't either. I never had a problem because they knew I was well-behaved. I always wore, like, crop tops and stuff, but they never were worried because I was well. well-behaved and I like knew how to make good decisions. So I think if you saw it, he'd be like, huh. Yeah.

Not my favorite, but do what you got to do. Right, right, right. I just also feel like, and I'm sure you feel this away about your daughters too, is that like, you know that they're good kids. You know that their hearts are good. You know that they're good. It's not my daughters that I have the issue with. It's everyone else.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah. That's the thing. It's not, for me, it wouldn't, it wouldn't be Steph that I'd have. It wouldn't be me on how day you do that. I'd be like, what are people doing that to look at that, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will say, I could tell you what I. I'm later in my 20.

I'm thinking about you first. Why is the door lock, Kate? Don't worry about it. Why is your toothbrush on? Don't worry about the sun. Are you using? Yeah, is that the electric toothbrush? It could be.

We just got those from Costco. Why do you think I bought an extra one? I really did. I really did a back deal. No, but I was, I'm later in my 20s. I never posted things like that earlier. So now I can like, take things better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should be proud of it. Yeah, thank you. Oh my God, I'm proud of it. Yeah, no, absolutely. And when I bring that up, it's... No, I know. In no world should you...

You should post whatever the fuck you want to post. I'm just my thing as a dad. Totally. I'm just thinking about the creeps. Yeah. Like I talked about, like, you can't even order a drink without somebody going, oh, my gosh, you looked at me.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I know. Men are disgusting. I know why that was Stallone all of a sudden. That's the... I guarantee you. All along.

Hey, Steve, listen, I think you got your great pool, great pool picture. Everyone thinks they're Stallone when they're hitting on women. Like, they think that they, you know, hey, me to go back your hotel, fire every shot. Sir, I can't even hear you. What if Gary Bucson came in and a hit on you? Oh, also possible. I would like to ask you, when I believe that you come into a pool, I believe that that the bit of the pool water there becomes a part of your extantial soul.

God. I think that now I've been like working on face expressions. Yeah. Like, what? That's how I've been smiling since 1983. Me? My face has been in that position ever since.

I think you with an underbite is still really hot. Oh, really? I honestly think it has to be. I think we have to, yep, still good. Still good if you ask me. Yep. Yeah. I think we have to work on crazy voice for you.

I think like, okay. Okay. Let's pretend for a second. Then I'm as hot as you. Okay. Go ahead, go ahead. So say, like, can I get you a drink? Hey, can I get you a drink?

I love one! And now you try it stuff. Now, Kate, you be... That same voice? No, no, no, make it your own. Make it your own. Method, method, okay. You got to be a really creepy guy and come on it.

Hey, I noticed that you looked at me, and I just want to know you want to drink or what. Please, can I get a drink? You should 100% do that. Next time you go to one of those creepy bars. No question. Or just to start going like this. Yeah. I'm like, but take a quick second to answer and, okay, ask me.

Okay. Hey, you looking good. You need a drink or what? Yes. Yes. Oh, sorry. I was talking to your friend. That's on the other side of the bar.

Yeah, the anticipation. That's where the gold is. Or make noise. who knows fucking weird it's probably get more excited about that can I sniff your armpit now well it's funny somebody said like if you're ever if there's somebody like if there's ever a person who's like genuinely mentally unstable like somebody in the street or whatever somebody named Christian Harlow but like I did think that last impression that you did sounded a little bit like me but go ahead I did 100% I was just

channeling you yeah hello Steph would you like to get some mushroom It is everything just eventually turns into that. That's it. But I do, I heard once, like, if you act crazier than the, like, if you're worried about somebody on the street being crazy. Oh, yeah. Like, if you act crazier than them. Yes.

They actually leave you. They say to turn around and make eye contact if you feel someone following you. So I did that once. You did? Oh. I did that once. How'd that go? He did actually walk away, but I don't think I would do it today because of kids, but I was

with Sadie before we were married. Okay. And really, I don't know if he was. met out or what he was, comes up and starts to get, like, dangerous. So I went into nonsense mode. And I'm like, I prefer eating sandwiches backwards. I love shoes. I've ever tired of show up back.

And I wrapped around my head. Beef, beef, beef, and eggs, beef and eggs. No way. And the guy was just like, beef and eggs, beef and eggs. Just kind of walked down the thing. But I was like, but my wife was like, what was that? How she didn't walk away? I have no idea.

That after you watched Ghost? Because, like, if you're in the. Ghost? Or is that the movie with Patrick Schwey Goldberg? Yeah. You know when like he's always on the train. No,

he's asked to, he's like, give me a wallet. He like fights him. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

You know, well that was, so, so, or Batman, you know, but yeah, it was,

that was a different, very different me. Yeah, that was me before kids. That was me, you know, coming out of my 20s. So like,

you're still in that zone of, oh, nothing can happen to me. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to do that today. I barely like, No, I know.

I don't want to, like, turn the wrong way when I'm brushing my teeth. So it's like, you know, you guard your, you guard your back at all those. I also find it's hard with kids because they, if there is somebody, if we encounter somebody that's like, you know, not behaving normally on a street somewhere. Yeah. My kids will stare. Oh, yes. They don't know. They don't know yet.

But it's also like, hey, that person's brain just works differently than ours. We've got to keep moving. That was the same thing. But it's like, I don't want them to stare. No, I know. And that person's going to come after that. Well, they also, it's a feeling bad. Make the person feel bad too.

We were walking, and I think that I, you might have been on the show when I said this already, but we were walking through his bus stop, and there was a guy definitely off. Yeah. And my oldest was like, just like zoned in on it. It was like, I don't like that guy's vibe that. Like, and we just like moved. She's a gangster. Yeah.

She's a gangster. She's, she's, she's, right, she's in a play. And we, she's been doing, she's been doing it. She was sheer con two years ago. No, what? I remember her as the pirate. That was three years ago. And so she was Shere Khan.

She crushed it as Shire Khan. And she was all pissed off. Beforehand, she's like, I don't want to play the mean tiger. Dude, it's the best part. And I was like, everyone's going to remember it. And everyone remembered her from it. Because she's really, I never showed you the video from her. I need to show you the video of her as Shir Khan.

It's amazing. Just me. But the, then this year, the last year, because of the pandemic, didn't do it, but this year they're doing Beauty and the Beast. So I told her, she's like, because she's like, I want to be Bell. And I'm thinking, I'm like, if you wanted to, great. I go, I got to be honest. I think that the role that you're going to wind up loving,

if you're asking me, is Lumiere. Because you are, because you are, you're tall, you're funny. She's like, I don't know, I don't know. I'm just saying. So she winds up going there. She's like, dad, I think I want to be Lumierre here. And I was like, why? She's like, she's like, she says a lot to do. And she's like, and she goes, and she's,

She's nine years old. And she says, Dad, check this out. And she's got like a French accent. And I'm like, how in the world? I mean, it's not perfect.

Yeah, but it's better than anything I can do. I'll tell you that. And she's like, be out of guest. And she's doing the whole thing. I'm like, holy shit.

So she did, the auditions are until next week. So whether she gets or not, I have no idea. But it was just the fact that she was, she's so like into it. It was, that's so cool.

That's so cool. She's picking the part that is actually cool. I remember in preschool. I went to like a performing arts school. You remember preschool? Only this. I don't remember my childhood. I don't know what happened.

I don't remember anything before 10 years old. Yeah, I really don't either. But I only remember I got the like girly part, the ice queen. And my twin got the giant. And everyone was making fun of Kim. And that was my first fight ever. I was like, you want a knuckle sandwich? I literally thought that was a comeback.

But it ended up being the best rule ever. And my rule sucked. Yeah, that's what it is. It's true. So you got so much out of that. didn't you? Because you always perk up when you hear twin. I just honestly, and I've seen her, and Steph insists that the twin is the, I'm telling you,

and you're going to say that till the day you die, but Steph is the, they're both gorgeous. But I, part of what I was laughing at was seeing, because you just learned how to punch with your nails. I saw. I learned how to punch with the grilics. Oh. Yeah. So you, yeah, it's a palm. Mm-hmm. And then.

It's called how to break your hand fast. Yeah. But I survived. You did. I survive another day. And then it's this part. Yeah. Yeah.

Because otherwise, if you punch, you're going to stab your own. Yeah. I'll stand my own hands. Yeah. Those are no joke. You could probably, when you cook with some of this stuff that I'm about to talk about. Oh, yeah. Let's just talk about it.

Okay. Yeah. Because I'm so excited. Me too. So it's early, but it's worth it because I've been raven about this. And I talked about it. Why is a raven like a writing desk? No, not that.

Not that. We're going to talk about We're going to talk about butcher box Now, Kate's going to leave here today Finally with some pork She's not getting all of it now She blew it because Macougas coming over to get some of it as well

But you are going to get some of it Yes, and I talked about this with Steph On Friday, an empire and she I might as well have been talking about the Sopranos I was so excited about this Be prepared for whatever life throws your way With high quality meat delivered right to your door Whenever you need a great tasting meal

You can trust butcher box it's going to be in your corner. They make it very, very easy. Nine to 11 pounds of meat of your choosing in each box. You get options like 100% grass-fed and finished beef. Kate, tell me which one. I know you definitely like the pork, but which one. Have you tried this yet before me talking about it?

My neighbors actually shared a box with us because. Before. Before. It is the best meat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Steph had just finally heard about it on Friday. Yeah. And now she's getting the salmon and a lobster.

So tell me what you like out of this. This one, Kate. Okay. 100% grass-fed and finished beef. Yep. Free-range organic chicken. Yep. Humanely raised pork.

Yep. Wild caught lobster tails and wild caught Alaskan salmon. I'll eat the shit out of that. Sugar-free bacon. I mean, they could put some sugar on it too, but yes. All of this. All of this. All of this.

Plus, there's steaks. They have filet mignon. They have New York steaks. They have flank steaks. They have everything. Oh, I love a flank. There's no better feeling than knowing you can skip the grocery store because there is a variety of butcher box meat already waiting for you in the freezer.

Now listen to the, listen to this. Today's sponsor, Butcher Box, is offering our listeners ground beef for life. For a limited butcher box, excuse me, for limited time, butcher box is going to give new members two pounds of free ground beef in every order for the life of your membership. So when you sign up, yeah, when you sign up, if you were going to sign up to get meat for your family after this, which you should. I will. For the rest of your order, you get two pounds of free beef with every order for the rest of your membership if you sign up for this deal today. Oh my God.

Yes. There's no... Excuse me. I'll be right back. You should... Neveed did it on the air. I got to tell you I will. So imagine never having to shop for ground beef again.

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As I said, I'm giving the pork to Kate and Makuga. Makuga does a lot of cooking with the pork. Brett was just couldn't believe how much beef. He's going to have beef for the rest of his life. And I think it's so good. I put it on the grill. I cannot wait. I'm getting the steak soon.

I'm getting the salmon. So I'm getting the chicken. We usually do the chicken breast and the chicken tenders at the store. And it's like it's just packages and packages of delicious food. You guys are nuts if you don't try this. Nuts. This is your chance to never have to shop for ground beef again. That's right.

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They have everything. Oh, my God. You're going to, you're going to sign up for this thing. Sign up. even if it's for one box and you just say you don't want it again. Why would you do that? I don't understand. We get two pounds.

That's what I'm saying. Sorry. I'm not acquittal. I guess I say that because I know that once people sign up, they're not going to stop. They're not going to stop. Because Steph was telling me she cooks. Like if you could, like it gets expensive to keep going to buy meat. Like this, I couldn't believe it.

When I opened it up, I just saw. It was just this box of like angels were singing. Yeah. Angels were singing when I opened it up. I was like, this is incredible. They just sent gold. And she's like, why are you so excited? I'm like, look at this.

And she couldn't believe it because she was like, okay, what kind of mean? It is it? Is it any, is it quality? I'm like, it is great. She must be so happy because now that's one last thing she has to get order from the stores. She is now because when we first got it, she thought it was just like, you know, okay, but how good is the meat? How good is the quality? Yeah, she didn't.

Yeah, she was just like, I don't know. I don't know. She's like, I trust the stuff that I trust. But once she ate the meat, she was like, okay. Let's get it. Let's get more. It's like, it's like, it's quality stuff. It's really good.

Okay, so speaking of quality, I don't know if it's quality, but we're going to find out. We're talking about Venom, Venom too. So I love Andy Circus. I'm the one that saw it. You did not see it. I did not see it. I turned down on the screening as I always do. But Steph has been going to a lot of the screenings, and she saw it.

That's not Steph. She wish it was, though. I wish it was. So, Steph, you saw, you came dressed appropriate as Venom today. Yep. I like that. So the movie Andy Circus directs, and I love Annie Circus. I love him.

Do you know, okay, I'm sorry. No, go. I'm already derailing. I finally, in helping prep, Saul, watched all three of his Planet of the Apes movies. Oh, they're the best. They're incredible. Have you never seen any of them? Never question.

Then we're going to go back to Venom. Yeah, no. We're going to go back to Venom. Because, all right. So. Why did I think, and I don't know they're underrated. I don't know. The Mark Wahlberg one that nobody.

But I remember, like, why didn't these make a bigger? They did. They did. They did. It's just not like Lord of the Rings style. No. Yeah, it wasn't like... The first one surprised everyone.

Holy shit. And my favorite moment of that movie, and I talk about it often, anytime I talk about this movie. And James Tranko is really good in that movie, too. Excellent. So when Caesar is in the... Caesar is in that part and he goes, no! When he talks, I remember this black dude in the audience goes, damn!

And it was, it was like appropriate, man. It was appropriate to say because that's such... It's such a moment. And so Rupert Wyatt directed that one, the first one, I think. Or I always forget. I was getting messed up. I think it was River Wyatt. I always get messed up with the ones who directed it.

But the second one is Matt Reeves. And the third one is Matt Reeves. Yes, yes, yes, yes. The new Batman movie, right? So I remember when they said that, that Wyatt was leaving. And I was like, oh, the first one's so good. And the second one's even better. The second one is like the real, the second one, like, the first one I could write a

lot of trivia questions for Saul. The third one, I could write a lot of trivia questions for Saul, but the third one's really emotional. It sort of is like return of the king in that way, where it's like a lot of... Because Caesar goes through a lot of shit. Yes, but that second one really is two towers in the sense of like, it's just battles. It's just like, it's crazy. It's crazy.

The way they look. Yeah. Dude, crazy. I'm like Maurice is real. I know. Well, the way that... Straight up. That orangutan is...

I love Maurice. Yeah, and the way that they play... You Nova! The way that they play into that, the actual, the original one, did you, I don't know if you picked up on this, but in the first movie, when the ship's going off into space, that's Charlton Heston going off into space. Saul had to explain that to me because that was one of the questions.

I was like, what is happening in the background? Right. And it's like the launch of whatever. And he's like, which is a callback to Charles. And it's like, well, it all plays into it because it plays into then the fact that the humans start to lose speech. Yes. Is why when you go back into the original.

original one they can't they can't talk in the way that's i think that they talked about doing another one i mean but caesar wouldn't be in it obviously but like they i know he's so i ride for caesar i'm like fuck the humans oh that that's that's that's so that's funny when you say that's that because i felt the same way watching and they kind of make feel that way when you're watching the first one my brother's like i don't know if i love it it's like you don't you're really rooting against the humans yeah yeah i love it yeah because that's humans we ruined things we definitely well we definitely ruined it for that for for that movie but how but they're just so emotional they're so good was it right was it Rupert White directed the first yes okay yeah dude coba riding it on the horse with machine guns plays and

how well so that was one of our bit when mark and i start joined an amc movie talk yeah we had shirts made from at schmose my one of the because we saw that trailer for the second one and we started saying apes on horses apes on horses and we sold shirts so apes on horses and it was coba like this on a horse, right? It's like, so. I want that. I don't know where it went. Like, I don't want to see a human on a horse with machine.

No, you want to see fucking Cobah with like a janky eye. And like scars all over, just lighting everyone out. You know what's crazy about that is at the end, if you watch the end of the second one, all the way in the credits at the very end, you kind of hear Kobe coming back. It seems like they're going to keep him alive, but they don't bring them back. No. I mean, he comes in like a dream or something. He's in a dream and he says, ape not kill ape after.

Caesar accidentally kills winter. Remember that? He jokes them out. Anyway, spoiler guys. That's a great movie. All three of them are you. Great trilogy. It's great movie directed the second one.

Great music too. Yeah, yes. Oh my God. It's a great. I love those movies. I'm glad you brought that up. How are people? I mean, so people do love these movies.

People do, yeah. I just, but so why is it? Like they're highly rated on it. Yeah, I think that the first one was. Okay. No, first one did good. First one did good. And they were, it was very surprising to people

And that led to dawn of the planet of the apes. Yeah. And then I think the third one, War of the Planet of the Apes was the one that, I think box office wise did good, but not as great as they thought it was going to do, right? But then there was talks about doing another one. I think Matt Reeves talked about doing another one.

So I don't know. Yeah, you're exactly right. Yeah. The second one did the best. The third one did similarly to the first. Yeah. But it got the highest rating. Yeah.

Interesting. So I like the second the best. To me, the second one's the best one. really does feel like to me the Lord of the Rings trilogy which I think like the first one's great second one two towers is it for me oh wow I love two towers so much and return of the king is like the real dramatic yeah yeah emotional conclusion did you how much my favorite relationship in all those movies though is actually John Lithgow and Caesar yes it's my favorite that's only we only see it so little so little because he's so beautiful and he's so protective of him like when when he think

when he the guy's hurting him and he and he just jumps out the one beats the snout out of the of the guy. Yes, yes. Like, yeah, I love those movies. Also, it did not help. I've all, I had a friend in high school who always would say, like, yeah, she was always like, like, I want to, I want to have a chimpanzee and I want him to be, I want to name him Pete and I want to call him MVP.

Oh, I love that. But like, just, but it was so true. Like I, like, like a chimpanzee in a dip. No, I feel like these movies made like an uprise of people owning chimpanzees. Can you own, is this thing? No, you really can't, but there's, after this, there was a few. few times where the chimpanzee turned on the owner. Yeah, of course.

And it was like, yeah. Because they're not supposed to be in their houses. Wait, that I had the most incredible, I had the most incredible thing. I took James to the zoo like a month ago after watching these movies and there was a gorilla, not a name, but like a gorilla sitting there. My favorite. Oh my God. Mine too. Really?

Silverback? Yeah, silverback for sure. But I, so hold the story. Yeah, I will. I become a gorilla when I go there because you can't, if you let me go up, I go to the San Diego Zoo. It's the best. And when I go to the San Diego Zoo, I always do the same thing. I just spend, I could spend five hours, six hours just staring at the guerrillas.

They're fascinating to me. Yeah. And I went, this was with my ex-girlfriend in like 2003. What was her name? You don't need to know her name. So in like 2003. Which she married to now. It's not the one of you're thinking.

Okay. So, so, 2008. and three. So I went there. It was the best. The gorilla wanted nothing to do with people. And the gorilla walks out. So I look at everybody.

And it was like, oh, look at the gorilla. And he goes like this, puts his hands up, and then sticks his finger in his asshole. And then goes like this. No. Sticks his finger right back in his asshole. And everyone was like, oh, and then just walks back into his cave. I was like, fucking boss. That is gang.

He's the best. I was kind of like when I, you know. More emotional than mess. He's like, he's like, I can't intrude on you in your living room when you're doing the same thing. He's like, you're going to see me. He's like, so guess what? I'm going to finger my own asshole. And then smell it.

And smell it. And then taste it. That's right. Why not? Because you know what? My insides ain't a bitch like yours. Have you seen a lion shit? Not in a while.

They had to put the lion. They spray. They do? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so people were getting really close to the lions. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Went nuts. Shit all over their faces. Well, do you ever see, did you ever see the, the, the, there's a, there's a hypnipotamus, one where he, it's like they're, they're, they're filming it. And it, and it goes, and it, like, it is like a rocket of shit. It is, it is, it is incredible. So much so that I might even have to find it. But, Kate, tell your story.

So I, there's the, one of the gorillas. I forget. her name, I think her name is Agnes. She was, she sits by the window. She was very people-friendly, and I didn't know this, but I went over and I know like very minimal American sign language, but I'm like, I'll give it a try. She's, we're face-to-face. Like, she's sitting there and she's eating something. And I was like, hi, how are you? And she signed back to me. No. I swear to God, she signed back to me. And I forget what she, I forget, she was like, she was going, like, nice to to meet you. It was like, but it was like, she was trying. And then like, a keeper came up. And he goes,

she just signed to you. And I said, yeah, what. And he's like, she's telling you what she's eating is good. But it was the most incredible. And she's like very docile. And then like the alpha came over at some point. And it was just like, like, get the fuck out of here. It's my window now.

There's such dicks. So here is, this is the hippo. Hold on. And I'll try to. Oh. Wait, his tail turns into a helicopter. It's a tornado. Oh, no shit.

It's like a lawnmower. Oh, wait, the ending. I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna play that for the audience so they can hear it. Hold on, this is, this is the sound. That's a toy asshole. That's, that's like me after meatballs. She says that's a toy butthole. Is that what they said?

That's what she said. Oh, it is, it is, yeah, it's serious. It's like a weed whacker. So, so you were saying, before we get into all this about your story. No, no, no, you remember you had a story you were going to tell about the, that you, when you You went to the, you went to So see, that's how we got into the guerrillas and everything. Yes, I just, the gorilla signed to me. Oh, that's what you were talking about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, wait. I thought it was another one. No, no, that she signed to me. No, no, that she said to me. Yeah, he was like, that was this funny? I'm like, no, it was amazing. Yeah, sorry.

I could talk. I talked to her. I said, hi, how are you? And she told me that her food was good. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yeah. Yeah. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. You, we're going to get into venom, but yes.

You missed the best story ever told when she told this story about her and Roxy at this bar. You need to go back and listen to it. It is phenomenal and it ends wonderfully. Is this the one-eye guy? The guy that took his eyeball out? Yes. I told you a little bit of it. This is the full.

This is the Snyder cut. Yeah. And it was glorious. Yeah. It's the Jeff Snyder cut. Yes. It was just glorious. I only told the eye part.

I think to you and Brett. Yes. And then. Yeah. I told every, it's like a long story. Has there been anything else going on that we should talk about before we get into Venom? Oh, you know, let's do Venom first. And then we'll turn, stop touching you're just a touch.

That's harassment. The clavicles, okay. You honest, this will make you freak. Go ahead, the smell. Yeah, my smell. The smell is good today. What do you got going on? Okay, so just a plug for all of our, anyone who wants to smell, like, get dicks thrown at you in the street.

What an endorsement. I think you could do that just what. Can I tell you something? You could put trash on you. And you still would probably have the same thing happens to. Honestly, you can stick your finger in your ass. And eat it. And eat it.

Leave it. That should be my move. That should be your move. Stick your finger. And you'd be like, hey guys, there's a girl sticking a finger in her asshole. You got to come. Dibs. No, it's called bum bum cream.

What the fuck is that? But it's like, I don't. Where do you find this stuff? This is at Sephora. Yeah, I know bummed cream. Yeah, but I don't put any cream on. You need it. You need it.

You need, everyone needs it. It smells so good. That smells good. Also, I got my basic bitch shit on today. You want to get that? See? Oh, that is really nice. Thank you.

That's nice. It's La Labo. Sure. Sontal. Your stuff. You use Rose 31. I use Sontal, whatever. See, had you said the beginning of that, I know that, but that's, yeah.

See, this is this type of stuff. It's unisex. But this is, but this goes back to my thing that I was telling you the joke-wise, right? So this is the perfect, perfect scenario where guys and girls, there's a double standard and there should be. Right? There's nothing where it'd be like, oh, there's double standard

or it shouldn't be. There should be because here's a perfect example. Steph goes, oh, look at this. I smell on Kate and Steph just buried their faces in one another. So imagine Steph came over to me and said, well, this smells good. And I just buried my face into Steph's thing. Not only am I getting divorced.

Step's going, uh, yeah, I don't think I'm going to be doing so much. You're divorced and canceled. And canceled. And canceled. On the air. And I put that out there. Stupid. Because we're pre-recorded.

Telling her Denzel story. Oh, that Denzel thing. I heard that. You didn't need to tell the story. Stupid. Like, so she, because he didn't say anything. No.

So you tell me from what I read. I just read this last night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does it make Denzel look bad? No. Not at all. The opposite. The opposite.

It's kind of like when Liam Neeson shared his story about searching for black men out in the street. Yeah, I don't think it's as, I don't think it's as rough. But it's the moment. You didn't need to share that. No, no.

That's what I mean. 100%. Because I think she was saying this in a very different way than she thought it was going to come on. Yes. Ah! Not good. It's all right. Oh, that was good.

It just hit the corner of it. Just hit the corner. Just hit the corner. That's what she said. But, um, you're not in. You're not in. Not yet. Just hit the corner.

What corner? What sharp corner do you have? That's right. I'm going to wipe this up with that. It's angular. By the way, speaking of things that dropped this morning, the little one, my wife this morning drops, my daughter's like a little sippy cup. Happens, a thing fell off of it. It breaks on the floor.

And my wife's like, damn it. And my daughter goes, what's that? That was your cup? She said, my favorite cop! She's like, no! She's like, come on, mama! And we're like, don't worry. We'll get a new one.

She's like, oh, she's like, if the kid could have said this is bullshit, she would have. She would have. But anyway, so Pompeo is on, she has like this podcast that she does. So I guess Denzel and Steph, you can fill in whatever I get wrong. It's just Alan Pompeo? Yes. So she comes in. She's talking about it.

Denzel came in to direct an episode. Okay. So Denzel had some kind of note to the, whoever was on the cast or whatever, the characters. So Pompeo went to decide that she was going to give the notes to. the to the people what to do. And he's like, I'm the director. Don't, don't tell them what to do.

That's my job. Yeah. And, and then she said in the podcast, she's like, motherfucker, this is my set. Like, I'm, like, you know, I've been the one of the, you're just didn't, you're just whoever on this thing. Like, I'm, I run this thing. And it's like, what she was trying to say and saying terribly was, look, you walked into this set.

Season 14. You walked into season 14. I've been here for a long time. So I think what she could have said to maybe make it better, what she could have probably said is, hey, I was just trying to help because I'd been on the show for so long. And then he was right, he was the director, I should have stepped back.

Then nobody would have said anything. But first of all, you call Denzel Washington, motherfucker. I don't care how many seasons you've done you. You ain't earned that. That's Denzel, motherfucker. Yeah, you only say motherfucking when you're introducing him. In between Denzel and Washington. That's right.

You don't call Denzel Washington. anything except sir. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, I don't care. Listen, I'll call him Daddy if you guys me too. I don't care. I'll call him anything he needs me to call him. I don't care how many seasons you.

I keep forgetting that show's been on the air. And every time I see an ad for it for the last 10 years, I say that show's still on the air. Like, truly. I don't give her shit how many seasons you've done. That is Denzel Washington. Shut your mouth. He's doing a favor by directing the show because she set it up by saying Patrick Swayze had left, another cost of a story.

Not Patrick Swayze. Oh, yeah. Dempsey had left. Patrick Swayze. He left. The planet. Yes, she did that. And she was getting annoyed and wanted to,

she's like, why do I have to do this show anymore? And, um, the, Debbie Allen got Denzel as a favor. Yeah, because Debbie Allen is a legend. And she, um, the scene was a victim had broken her nose or something. And he wasn't looking at her in the eye when he was apologizing. So she's like, look at me in the eye. Dunzel's like, whoa, whoa, this is my set. And then she not only yelled at Denzel, she went to his wife.

She told the story. It continued. She goes, I even went up to his wife, Poletta, Washington, and said, I do not like the way your husband treated me. I'm not talking to him for the, they did not speak. And then she tried to make it better. Like, you know, this is just high-spirited actors. And I think she was trying to have like a girl boss moment.

Yeah. But it was like, this is Denzel Washington. What are we talking about? It's like, it's like there's, it's like there's, I'm not. The first story that's come out about her being. Yeah. Well, didn't she have the whole thing with Patrick Dempsey, where she was pretty much just ran them off the set.

Yeah. And he had all the, that was another part of the criticism was that he had so much bad story, like gossip about him being a total dick on set. And she didn't talk about that at all. Instead, she chose to tell this story. I mean. It was so weird. I feel like I've been waiting.

And I know you can't say this. And you could agree with me or not. But I have been waiting. I have been waiting. I have been waiting. Waiting. Yeah, get you out of the shot, right? I have been waiting for the, whatever the comparable meat.

It's not going to be me to, but like the women eating women alive in this industry. I cannot wait for that to come out because Ellen Pompeo is going to be on the top. She's going to, like, I want women to start telling stories about how, because I'm telling you. It's happened already, though. I mean, you look at like, who was the girl from Glee? Oh. Lea Michelle? Yeah, Lea Michelle.

But did she like purposefully hold other women back? Yes. Because that's what I want. I want women to start telling. of those stories and how we eat our own because that's the final reckoning that needs to happen. Yeah, but I mean, I think Liam Michelle deserved it from what I read. Yeah. I heard she was like a monster on. No, monster.

But it's true. I do think that there is a deeper layer to that where obviously men have held women back. But like the, no question. The snakeiness when you can. The people that have been the worst to me in this industry. Your generation was the worst. Mine was the one changing. Like, you know, I ride or die for women. I know.

And that's, I feel like I'm like, But I'm telling you, the people that have been the worst to me at my production company job, like, the exception I'm saying crap. But the people that have, like, have tried to shame me on a set who have made me feel bad or made me feel low or whatever are all women. It is always a woman. Rada Mitchell. Who's that? That's an actress. Okay.

Rada. Mitchell. I don't know who that. She's mean? She was nasty. Who is that? Do I know her? Yeah, you would know her.

Kate just throws bombs on this show. I know. Yeah. She should have seen her. She took a big dump on Zach Braff's head the other day. So he was nice to me when I met him. But I guess, again, I'm not. Hey, I get it.

Like, if someone's so awful to you. Say the name. Yeah, sounds like it. By the way, I'm not saying I'm perfect. I've probably. You're not nastier or malicious. There's a difference. I honestly, I've never heard a bad thing about you ever.

Well, that's true. You've been an angel since the moment I laid eyes on you. Well, that's because she's got a crush on it. Just stick your tongue. I think you're going to say put your finger in your own bottle. Put your finger in my mouth. Again, things that Kate can say. All right, let's talk about venom.

So you saw this movie. This is Andy Circus directing this film. I missed his directorial, not debut, but directorial production of Jungle Book when he did it. But so he does this one. First of, Steph, did you like the first movie? It was okay. to me. It's fun. Okay. And so this one. I feel the exact same way. It's a fun. It's a fun watch,

but there's a lot of problems in it. I think the best thing they did is a 90 minute runtime because you- People seem to have a problem with that. You liked that. I loved it because it didn't need to be longer because the story had a lot of holes to it. So instead of it being two hours with holes, which it would have, because just in the integrity of it had issues with the characters and like how things, some of it just didn't make sense and didn't add up. And if it was too, hours, then it would be a waste of my time, I feel like, but it was an hour and a half, so it felt like a fun episode of TV with a lot of great action scenes. But you weren't bored.

No, not at all. Not at all. And I thought the writing, there was better jokes this time than last time. I think the relationship between Venom and Tom Hardy's character really worked better than last time. Well, because this time, because this time along, they're getting along. Yeah. They're a match.

Right. Right. They're a match. I thought Woody Harrelson was great and psychotic. I thought the women were, again, underutilized, like, Naomi. She was, she wasn't allowed. one too. Yeah, both of them are just.

Michelle Williams? Yeah. Yeah. She's the, she's the girlfriend. She was in the first one. She was like the Mary J. and she was just pushed to the side of the first one.

And she has more this time. But same with Naomi, who's such a great actress. It's just, they're okay characters. And that's kind of how I feel about the venom franchise. I'm not addicted to any of the characters at all. So it's just fun,

but it's not great. So I didn't love the first one. But I'll be honest, the reason I really, I'm a big time hard. fan but the reason I want to see the second one is because of Andy Circus. I thought Andy Circus did excellent. I thought the direction was great.

Okay. It's the story. So the post credit scene apparently is the one of the best post credit scenes ever. Yes, it is. Don't spoil it. I won't. It is. It makes the whole movie worth it.

I also won't spoil it. Yeah, so that's what they say. I know. Good job. Thank you. So is this rated R? No, it's the first one's RR is it? No.

No. First is PG-13? Yeah. And so a lot of people, including myself, I just think a character like venom is so freaking weird and carnage that like Deadpool. I think Deadpool really works because they just dive into being raunchy and gross and disgusting. I'm listening to. I'm looking for it on it.

And they're cussing and all of it just, it really works. And I wanted this to be rated R. I think they got away with a ton for being PG-13. Really? Yeah. It was really, really gory, especially with carnage, which you have to be because carnage is like a psychotic character. So they got away with a lot.

I was kind of surprised there was this little turd monster child sitting behind me who kept hitting my seat. I'm like, how did you even get into this screening, you dork? It is PG-13. So, okay, so this movie then, give me a breakdown of what the story is about. Okay, the main story is about Venom and obviously Tom Hardy's character, and you see that, Eddie, Eddie in a completely different light. They have, like, more of a good relationship.

Yeah, their roommates, their buddies, like their bros are really talking to each other. But Eddie's career, you know, has always been a part where he's, like, struggling to be a known reporter and Venom ends up getting him a like in with carnage or before he, which they set up in the first movie. Yeah, Woody Harrelson's character. And so Woody Harrelson's character has some sort of connection with Eddie and you don't know what it is really, but then you figure, then he becomes carnage. And then from there, carnage is seeking his ex who he met in.

Okay. So what about the special facts? Because the special acts I thought were pretty good in the first movie. And they're pretty good in this one. The special effects are amazing. The action sequences are amazing, which is why it's a fun watch. Right. So this wasn't like watching Dear Evan Hanson for you.

Oh, my God. Yeah, this was for you. You enjoyed watching it. It just wasn't because I, so the first one didn't love. And what Coy Jandrew told me was I don't, I thought the lobster scene in the first movie was so, the fish and whatever was so stupid. And everybody, some people love that scene. And Coy said, if you didn't like that, that's pretty much what this is. entire movie is.

Yeah. A lot of. Kind of. I think that may, but that though, that the only reason I say okay with that is because I felt like that in the first movie was so jarring like the rest of the movie wasn't like that and that one scene kind of threw that in there that the entire movie's like that and they set you up that the entire movies like that, then maybe it'll be more accepting of it.

I don't know. Yeah. I think they were trying to go the Deadpool route where they're like, we have to get really weird and kind of like shocking. Yeah. Yeah. And bizarre almost. especially with a character, with a voice like Venom, you know, it's a weird character.

Yeah. Yeah, it's like a troll, you know, and that's like your main character. So I think they tried to dive into that. And I think I've said that I personally think for kids, this is probably really, really awesome. Okay. Because Venom is a kid character to me. I'm like, two-year-old. I'm saying like, yeah, yeah, exactly.

I think they really want to see people get, like, chopped off their heads. Well, is there a lot of that stuff too, too? Yes. We had, there was, I mean, I guess it's, I guess in the beginning of the first one, not the beginning, but Venom just chomps a dude right in half. Yes. There's a lot of that shit. There's a lot of that, which is why I think they got away with a lot in a good way.

And so Woody Haraldson is great. Speaking of the War of the Planet of the Yips, so he was really, he's always really good. He's really good. So if you were going to give this out of five schmows, how many schmows would you give this? A 3.5. It's pretty good. Yeah. It's pretty good.

It's still fresh. I looked up the ratings recently. Well, three of 3.5. That's a big difference. Okay. Underneath 3 is not fresh. Three point. You can go 3.2 if you want.

3.2. Okay. I saw that the audience score was much higher. I'm not sure this is for everything. But the audience score is much higher than the critic score. You think you're more audience or more critic? Critic. I saw, and I can't, I saw Scott.

Man's? Yeah, tweet that he was the citizen Kane. Was that a joke? No. That's his schick. He always says it's the citizen cane of something. Does he say it's a citizen cane of comic book movies? He always, so his, I don't really align on Scott Manses' tastes a lot.

You know, he's, he's, there's a lot of different times he and I are on different pages. Not as much as I'm on this different page as Bibiani. Bibiani seems to, Bibiani wouldn't be surprised if he loves this movie. Yeah, I think he would probably. It wouldn't be surprised. He and I are, like, I think Bibiani is a brilliant critic. Totally. Very good critic.

I never agree on anything that he, we have very different tastes, probably like the exact opposite in films, but he's a very good critic. And Scott Mance, it's like, I never know. Sometimes I'll agree with them and sometimes like, this being the best comic book movie of all time, I'm going to doubt that. I haven't seen it, but I'm going to doubt it. Roker is pretty tough on this movie. Roker didn't like, from what I saw

from his tweet, he didn't like it and he said that well, he's also, again, with John sometimes I'm on a, it could go one or the other. One of the other because like he loves the Transformers movies, right? hate the transforming minus the animated

did you go to did you go to see in the theater we're talking about in the second but so you know I never I there's very few people

that I'm like always on the same page with right like JT I'm like Jeremy Johns and I are usually on the same page

for a lot of things that we have very similar taste so when Jeremy goes in and says that he's I don't know what he's what he thought of this movie

I haven't seen his review but he and I have usually been on the same page for a lot of shit So, I'm excited for it. Like I said, it's got Hardy in it, which I'll always give Hardy a shot. Hardy's best movie. You know his best performances?

Locke. Yes. No question. 100%. I don't think I've seen that one. Oh my God. It's him in a car. It's essentially a play.

It's a play. It's a play. And he is in the car just him on the phone. It's like crazy actors. It's like Olivia Coleman on the phone with him. There's like, there's a bunch of people that you have. It's a brilliant. He's the only person in the movie.

And he wasn't nominated. I think there might be somebody in the beginning of the movie or something, too. Maybe. Maybe so. But once the movie, like the meat of the movie. I think it's so vibrant the way he's like, I don't, I actually. I don't know. I think that.

I feel like there's somebody in the beginning of it. But the meat of the story is, it's basically a one-man play where he's just, it's like, you could see it in the theater. And it would be a guy sitting on a box pretending he's in a car with, like, the light on him. And it's like, but in this, he's actually in a car. It doesn't that sound like it would be horrible? somebody in a car talking on the phone. It shows you the power of him.

And it reminds me of Colin Farrell's performance in phone booth. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I love that movie. Because phone booth. I mean, there's more people in that one. Yeah. But Colin Farrell pretty much has to just act in a phone booth the whole time with Kiefer Sutherland on the other end of the line.

But this is different. But that's a movie you should definitely check out. Okay. Did he write that one? No. Okay. No, I don't believe that he did. But did he co-write this?

Yeah. He co-wrote it. Okay. So I, yeah, I think. the writing was better. I think a part of the problem for me though is that from the first movie I haven't like fallen in love with venom

as a character so when there's no stakes it's hard for me personally of a character it's hard to really attach myself to it and ride along with it that makes sense so that movie's out right now I think it's going to crush the box office. Yeah it's still a fun watch I would go with your family for sure because I think it's also landed in a

spot right now where cases are declining and like people Shang Chi already came out. Shang Chi did really, really well. It was like, what is the most profitable movie this year? Yes. No, I think Black Widow is still ahead.

Was it? But at best Labor Day opening weekend, I think, ever. Okay. So it crushed. And this one will, and remember, the first movie, I think it did almost a billion dollars, maybe. I'm not sure. We want to check that on box.

I'm going to check that on box office, Mojo. But it made an insane amount of money, like an insane amount. So you knew that part two is coming. This is the reason why I love this, by the way. So this is from, this is the Venom. 856. Yeah. Yeah.

So can you see on the sign there what that is? Todd. McFarland, who created Venom. Oh, no. Whoa. He came in at Clyer Live. He almost spilled water on that today, Christian. I know, I know.

But he came into Clyer Live and he signed it. So I have a Todd McFarland signed. Stephen Knight, by the way, is who wrote and directed Locke. Oh, Steve. Oh, yeah, Stephen Knight. Okay, so go to, let's talk about it. So Transformers, which is my favorite, my favorite Transformers movie, hands down as, I believe it, is it 1986?

1886, that's why it was the 35th anniversary. So, 1986, it's my favorite Transformers movies. It's one of my favorite movies of all time. One of my favorite animated movies, no doubt, is the Transformers movie. Best soundtrack by Stan Bush. I told you a very funny story about that, about, dare, keep all your dreams alive. You can get all your dreams alive.

So without going into detail the story I told you, would you have reacted the same way that that other person did? No, no, no, no. Keep, just get me there. I almost want, can I, I guess I can tell the story in PG version, right? Yeah.

So I wonder if I could play the actual beginning of the song without getting copyrighted. Probably not. I'm not going to try to do it. So we're a step as well We're a stuff as well So When I obviously when I was single

I was dating I was dating a young lady And we were dating for a little bit And so she was coming over And it was going to be the night Right It was definitely It was going to be the night

It was going to be the night You know how days were It was going to be the night But this particular night This particular night was going to be the night The night So, you know, you did, I think I had a glass of wine or something. I wasn't feeling great.

So probably at the time, thought to myself, maybe postpone it, but no, don't do that. So end of the night happens. Things happen in a bedroom and you're fooling around a little bit, whatever. And then I had at the time one of these iPod things. The mini, you told me. Mini iPod. And you can just guess exactly what year is. I think you get like 38 songs on there.

Yeah. Like, this is the most songs. So you're putting on shuffle. And so shuffle, and shuffle comes on. And the first song, it's like, it's L.O. It's L.O. Cool J. And I'm like, set the mood, baby.

Yeah. Set the mood. Yeah. So everything's happening. So let's just say that I went into a neighborhood. Right? I was going into a neighborhood during the time of this song. Yeah.

So it was helping. By the way, thank you for going to the neighborhood. Thank you. It was helping. Fuck you, Batman. And then the soundtrack, but the soundtrack. But the soundtrack. then

I think I can do the song At the beginning of the time Right so at that point So picture LL Cool J In that act You're probably You're all right Yeah

And then a switch happens And shuffle And this song comes on Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Nna na na na na na na na na na na na na na Dair from Transformers the movie Pop time Dare you can be all your dreams

So this song is about a 80s and and this isn't like That's actually like the best song to be in the neighborhood But it isn't but it isn't like It isn't like low like just it's blasting No one was home. It was just me Her and blasting So when Ella Cool Jay is blasting

And he seems like a club it's like Yeah yeah yeah Whatever's going on in there. But when that starts blasting So what I could have done in that moment Is say hold on a second And shuffle. I decided to go into the chorus

Dare! You can keep all your dreams alive. To which she says, finally, what the fuck is this? Ruins the whole moment. I can't believe that. The moment was over. There's nothing to be able.

But it wasn't like I wasn't driving well. I was driving. I was driving. And then I think that maybe I hit a bump once the air came on. and I just never got back on the road. I think that's what I think happened. Fair enough.

Because it after that, the relationship was never the same. It was really fucking weird. Really? Yeah. You probably would. You guys probably would laugh. A lot of women are in their head about getting eaten out. Like it's a weird.

I used to for sure. A lot. Yeah. I used to wave people off. Because of society. I get. So she probably was on. I got that.

Yeah. You like the gorilla in the zoo. Yeah. I'm like, no, no, no. I'm like, why? Why? I'm asking you. And I'm like, because I have, I just it.

I got it. I got this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, anyway, so that's... Dear. You could dream all your dreams in life. Can I tell you something?

You were keeping the dreams live. You really were. It died quick. Something that would probably have made me, I think it should be mandatory at a certain age in our teens, that we should all, we all have to go down on another girl so that we know it's... Because, like, you have no idea. And then you're probably, like, nervous about how it is. Forgetting, like, I mean, my best stand-up ever was like,

y'all forget that your dick tastes like a dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. That's amazing. Yeah, like, it's so not talked about. But I'm like, what? You don't think like, you're. And I'm, I'm in on it. Let's do this.

Well, that's the whole thing on Sopranos when they do that whole thing about, like, that Boca. That Boca episode. One of my favorites. I just, I never understood, like, when, what, what's, when, when, when, People, like, hey, I've always been for it. I just, wait a minute, I don't know what's wrong with us. I remember, I remember having a conversation.

You don't have to. I have a conversation with a friend, like, afterwards. And I said, it's one of my favorite things is doing. She was like, really? I'm like, yeah, because. Same. Yeah. Have you not?

It's like, because. It's power. It's, but it's not just that, though. It's like, but it also, it's like, the sex is even better when people are really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Are you kidding?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't. It's just like, what do you want to do? It's like, no, you do it to me, but for you, no, thanks. It's like, fuck you. What? No, yeah.

No. It's not even like, yeah, it's not like nasty. That's not, that's boring. No. If you're in a position where you can say something, no, I got it. That's right. That's right. But going back to this kid's animated film.

Yeah. But you went, you went to see it. So they had a, so. 36 years. Yeah. And Thron was the one I think who told them. about it, yeah. And he actually,

Thron's screen name is Thron 25K, or 2K5, because of that movie. Because they're like, it's the year 2005. Do you remember that? Do you know what I always quote and no one, you'll know the quote because you've seen so many times. Every time someone says, spare me,

I go, spare me this mockery of justice. I say it all the time. Bob, we've grown up, we've needy bomb, I say it. all the time too. Oh, my God. Also, oh shit. Spikes, oh shit. And they cut that out. I thought it was Bumblebee that says it. Is it Spike? It's Spike who says it.

Because they cut it out of... Moonbase 1, I think. Moon Base 1. Is this available anywhere? Yeah. It's available. You know, we have the DVD at home. That was what Neil, you star always watched. Your boy, Neil watched. Yeah. And James has gotten into it now, too. But James... Earth, the Moon Base 1. Earth, the Moon Base 1.

James is, you know, James is the sociopath that we deserve. He only... I told you he wanted to be palpillar. Yeah, Halloween. And then I was like, you can't, it's a mask that's new, we can't, you can't. And then he was like, okay, I'll be BB 90. I'm like, that's, okay, I'm going to have to fucking make the, so I've made the evil droid from fucking last day.

I've made it with paper machet. Do you know what I need to show you, though? You can show James also, what, and before you leave today, please. So, well, they have that, no, not that. No, no, I'm just saying, if he saw this, he would lose his mind. He would lose his mom. Wait, your babysitter's not named Haley, is she? No.

Okay, I have a friend named Haley, who's babysitting a family, and the son is, uh, obsessed with villains. Yeah, yeah. He seems as a Starstream. Does that worry you? What does he like about the villains? He even said to me to me. Oh, it's not what you think.

He likes when they murder people. He likes to see people die slow deaths. Saul even turned to me during the movie and he's like, does he know what happens next? Because Starscream is his favorite character. Star Scream eats it. Fucks like fucks up Megatron like kicks him out. He's like he can see Megatron still like.

That's what I love about that movie because that, was it for hardcore fans that you got it was like almost like a series finale yeah because if you watch the the transformers animated series and everything that led up to and motherfuckers are just getting picked off like a sopranos episode like left and right people jazz everyone just getting killed and then prime dies in the first 15 minutes of my film hot rod get out of the way and and it's whole thing Ultra Magnus, all of it. But there's, I have to show you this, my favorite, like, dubbed piece. And it's like, it's called the Rebirth of Optimus Prime.

And it's like, and he comes back and it's, you know, the wheelie comes back in. And Prime goes, who the fuck is this Autobot? And there's this like, well, he's, he's wheelie. He can guard the base. It's so good. The micro machine. Does that, does the micro machine guy mean anything to you? No, come on.

Okay. I'm not a big, uh, Transformers, guy. Maybe she'd seen a TikTok about it. I like Bumblebee. Yeah. He's in this. Bumblebee the movie. You know what?

I take back what I said before. I said the only movie that I liked was I love Bumble Boll Boll B. Because when Ellis and I saw the first Transformers movie when it came out, I think it was 2006, 2007, whenever it came out. And I remember being so hyped up for it. Yeah. Because of the movie we just talked about. And I was like, oh man, they finally do this.

I cannot wait to see what they come up with. and I didn't like the first. A lot of people liked the first movie. Optimus Prime behind a house and these fucking idiots don't hear this big truck going around their house. Like boom, boom, boom. It would be sounding like an earthquake.

Nobody hears it. Stupid. A lot of stupid things happening in that movie, but not as bad as the other ones. But then Bumblebee comes out, and Ellis and I saw that one together as well. And it opens up on Cybertron. And all this shit is happening.

It feels like the 80s movie. And we're like, holy shit, this is the fucking movie. We were talking about, and of course, it does the least amount of business out of all of them. Because people... It's the highest audience score. Right. Yeah.

Because I think people were exhausted by the franchise at that point. And it was, it was so good. It was, I really liked the movie. And I think the name threw people off too. It should have been Transformers slash slash bumblebee. Yeah. Because if you don't know the franchise, you're like, what the fuck is bumblebee? 100%.

I agree with you. Totally agree with you. I think that it's a great movie. It really is. Also, 1986 Transformers. Just go back to that. That was Orson Well's last film. Yes, it was.

He was Unicron. He voices Unicron in that, which is like, I love that name. I want to be Unicron. You would love that. As an anime fan, though, too, I mean, it's not anime, but you would, you would, it has an anime. It has that. It has an anime. It would, you would love it.

Okay, I'm going to check it out. Is it available on Blu-ray? Yeah, that's what I have it on. You have it on Blu-ray? Yeah, yeah. I can't get it. I don't know why I don't know. It's, hey, it's, your birthday just passed.

Maybe if you got a gift card from somebody, you could use it. Did I get one from you? No. I did bring you weed. You did. You did. I mean, you got me.

Kate thought the same thing about me that I did. You saw this and thought it was a weed pack. Yeah, I did. What is that? It's meat jerky. Oh. It looks like an ounce. Fucking annihilated that thing when I got here.

So that came with that. Were you here when we ate the, what was the, yeah, the beaver nuggets. Those were bombs. Oh. And apparently you can only get those in like Texas.

So all this shit came from Texas. And it was all good. And they also sent this nacho cheese. That spicy nacho cheese. So much sure that anyone touched it, I said, that's nacho cheese. That's mine. Actually, mad, I giggled at that. It's really serious.

It's a dad joke. I've been working on it for six months. So I, but this nacho cheese, it's so good that it's worth being the enemy in my house because of what it does to my ears. I got to tell you, I have that problem no matter what, so I like to earn it. You know what I'm saying? Like, I like to. I like, I know.

I know. I'm gone. Poopery. I do. I do. That's who should sponsor the show. I'll tell you who should sponsor it. So this is, ladies, I want to know what you think about this.

So yes, so we, I had a guest on the show recently. Okay. The guest had to go to the bathroom. Okay. Guess dropped the bomb. Okay. You know how my wife is about people just going pee in the house. Yeah.

Poop did not go over well. Okay. Now, what I says, look, the person had to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, the coffee ran through him. What are you going to do? She's like, she goes, to him. Oh, did I say him?

She said coffee man through him. Whatever. So my wife's like, hold it in, motherfucker. I was like, she went in with a hazmat suit. Who was it and why was it Josh Makuga? It was not Makuga. It was not Makuka. But it was...

You got it. If you're going to poop in other people's houses, you have to have poopery. I travel with a miniature poopery. I almost lied to protect the person. And she's like, did you shit in here? And I was like, No. But I didn't want, I didn't want to lie.

Is that your bathroom to your bedroom? It's right near the bedroom. It is. Okay. Yeah, that's why. So it was like, and it wasn't, it was. I never know because it was a quick one of this like stealth like, you know, Boba Fett like dropping a couple bombs on the planet and walking out. Was the issue the smell or skits?

I think both. I think no, no, no, no, no. No, it was just the fact of just, you know, it's just dropping a bomb at the point. I said, well, it's in the bathroom. You know, it's why we have a bathroom. It's just she's like, when are you getting an office? We're working on it. We're working on it.

No, the problem is men don't take, they're not detailed. So like if a woman was going to do that, they would probably have a spray with them. They wouldn't even know that you left it. Yeah. And then close the lid. You wouldn't know. You wouldn't know. Came in.

Who's going to know? Have you told your other story yet or you're saving it for stand-up? No, I'm not saving it. You want to tell the story? Sure. I mean. You might as well tell it. I feel like maybe you've heard this, but maybe not.

I don't think so. Have you ever told it on the air? Maybe, maybe like an S-E-N. I won't close the show with it. It's a great. I'm excited. It's a great. Yeah, buckle up for this.

Go ahead. I dated a guy in 2006. I first moved to L.A., and he's now a very famous person. And he had very, he is now his friends that we were over to. Basically, we broke up in November, but then his friend, I can actually say whose house it was. It was like, Barron Hall. So was this guy's friend. And he was like, I got him a gift.

He's like, and my ex at the time was like, well, you should still come with me. I dated this person for a year. Yeah, like nine months. Like enough to have a baby. Yeah, but not to keep the baby. Got you, got you, got you, got you. And anyway, but so I kind of silver because he was making a nine-course meal for, because the guy that I had been dating, really food was his, like, love.

Like, he just loved food. Because also he was a big stoner too, which just makes all the sense in the world. And I in my head still was like, maybe because he's bringing me, like, maybe he's, Like maybe tonight's the night that like we decide we still you maybe he remembers that he really likes me and I'm funny and quirky. Oh, because you started to feel like it was ending. It was already over. Oh.

We already had broken up. Okay. But because it was like we broke up in November. You thought it was a second shot. I thought maybe it was a second shot. Right. So he brings me. Why did he decide you bring you?

Was it a second shot? I don't know. We don't know yet. We'll tell you what. I guess because I know how it ends. I know how it ends. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Was it. You guys, I'll tell you this much. It ain't my husband. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You're going to relate a little bit. So I'm, so Ike's made, like the very first thing is called an amuse bouch. And it's like this thing. I know, truly.

And every, every course has a wine pairing with it. And it's like I'm not even getting drunk because there's so much food. So it's like there's an amoose bouch and then there's a this and then and he's made it with all this European butter. And it's so delicious. And towards the end of the meal, he's like, okay, I can go get the dessert now. And I start thinking, I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to shit myself. Like, I'm going to shit myself. And I'm going to shit myself.

And I have, I'm like, I'm going to shit myself. And, I'm going to shit myself, but, like, I've got, like, I've got leggings on. I've got, like, leggings, but then I'm wearing a skirt over it. I had, like, it was, like, these pattern leggings. I'm like, aren't it such a quirky comedian improv girl? Don't I dress funny? So I have, like, a jean skirt over these leggings, and I'm like, at some point I'm like, I'm going to go to the bathroom, and I go in, and I'm, like, pulling down my pants,

and I'm starting to sit down on the toilet. And then at that point I'm like, I'm not going to shit myself. I'm going to projectile, exorcist style against the wall because I'm sitting on the toilet into my own pants because my pants are down, spray the wall,

and then as I turn around, I sort of stand up with my pants still down, vomit in my pants, and then throw up into the sink. And then the next round comes, and I make it to the toilet. But now there is vomit. Wall, pants, floor, sink.

Sink is clogged. It's like the exorcist. It's the exorcist. It was, I started, then at this point, I'm like, wow, I was so tricked. Like, I truly, it felt like diarrhea. Like, it felt like diarrhea was coming. I had all the rock. My body was like.

Your inside just exploded that came out of your face. It just came on my face. Yeah, it was just like. You didn't know a hole it was coming out. It was the, I've never had that before. Do you know who this story is about? I'm not going to say it on the air, obviously, but do you know who you do?

Yeah, I do. Okay. You probably. Oscar? Yeah. That's an Oscar. Yeah. And at this point, I'm like, at some point, they realize I've been gone for a while

because I've had to start. You stumbled the bag? Because I had to, well, because I had to take my pants off and throw them out because there's vomit in them. No. And didn't I, like, knock on the door. She's like, knocks on the door at someone. She was like, I think it's now his wife.

It was his girlfriend at the time. But she was like, are you okay in there? And I was like, yeah, I actually, I'm so sorry. I threw up, but could I, um, do you have any. paper towels? You have a window I can crawl out? Do you have a shotgun

with which I can kill myself? Because I'm also bailing out the sink because the sink's clogged and so I'm taking my vomit out of the sink to me And then she's like

I don't, you know we just ran out of paper towels so she brings me black cocktail napkins. Oh, you smell like a homeless person? I smell like a homeless person I've thrown my pants out and now I'm black cocktail napkins

I don't know if you know this if they get wet they can create a black street so now I have I'm cleaning up. At that point in your life, did you say, why does God hate me? I said at that point, I said, if it all ends today, you'd be okay. I'd be fine.

There's nothing that you can do in that situation. Oh, my God. What's the car ride home like? We walked there. What's the walk home like? I was like, I'm so embarrassed. Like, I just had to be like, oh, I was so embarrassed. Yeah, I came out with no pants.

What are you wearing a dress? I had just the skirt on, but my pants are gone. I came out. There's no question. So, okay, you walk out. And then Ike is the sweetest person on the planet. I's like, honey, honey, honey, come here, come here, come here. I'm so sorry.

I use, like, look at this. This is like a pound of European butter. I use, like, two of these in them. I'm like, no, I'm so, I'm so embarrassed. But, like, it reeked, like, vomiting. I mean, there's, of course, wine paired with all of this rich food. Anyway. We too.

Anyway, and when she leaves out, is right as she was, why she's walking out on their speaker, Dare you could dream all your dreams a line Wouldn't you prefer that over this? Yes. Yes. Yes. No doubt. I honestly feel like vomiting.

Thank God it wasn't like I shit in a circle. Yes, that would have been bad. That would have been worse. If they walk in and your assholes just popped up. Yeah. It's like you should have done what the gorilla did. You just just stuck your hair in your asshole. Vomit is better than shit.

Yeah. But still, but it's still. But I know I guess they both, they both smell just so bad. What did that? must have smelled like. Oh, no. And I just was so apologetic, but also like, I'm sure. It was.

I actually, I don't know if I would have found like a tool in the bathroom to like, to just add. But you knew, but you knew though at the end of that walk when you got home, you're like, well, okay. We maybe continue to occasionally sleep together until one time I went, he like had me come over to his house one time. And I saw there was a used condom and a, and the, and there was a woman's bath towel. So you came out. Well, at that point at that I was like, you've got a girlfriend. Did you say it? Yeah, I said I came out.

And he was like, I don't know. And I was like, well, this is what it is. Yeah. Like it was, I mean. I did throw up all over your friend's house. He did throw up all over your friend's house. Yeah, that's hard. That's hard to come back from.

You can't. I mean. It's hard to come back. Unless you get married. Unless you get married. Yeah. If you, but even, no, but even then, if I, if I went, if I went to, if I took my wife now to my friend's house and she threw up all over the place, it's not like,

oh my God. God, I can't believe it. It's my wife. Yeah. You know, it's like, uh-oh. Is that my... Speaking of which? Here, I'll keep...

I'll keep it on you for a second. Okay, yeah, keep it on that. Wait, so this is actually one of the worst stories I've ever heard. But I've heard you haven't... Oh, my bad. Come all over here for pork. I've a really bad. Hi!

Long time, no C. Cheers. So we... So I don't know if I'm going to have a full shot. Yeah, I'll have a full shot. Yeah. So we have a surprise guest, ladies in John. Hello? Hello, McCu. You just missed a hell of a story. You just missed.

Hell of a shit show. Kate, watching my baby last day? How did that go for you? She's great. She's the best. She's the best. She's easy. I didn't watch your baby. I watched your teeth. You know what's great is that you guys are the recipients of the pork. Both of you guys. So you both get some of the pork today. Yeah, full pork.

Lucky winners. Have you ever had the butcher box before that? Okay. So you're going to give us a full review afterwards, too. You know, you stole my co-host from me this morning. We had Kalanowski on to try to do the Empire Shakes back. How did that go for you? It was great. Josh Pretty was fun.

They were great on positivity report as a bust. Nice. Oh, look at this crew. What a crew. Hey! So I guess that's it. So let me ask you a question then, Josh. I'll ask this.

I'll put it this way. So if you were first dating Amanda, let's say like seven, eight months into it, right? You bring her over to a famous friend's house. Okay. Now famous. But he was, was the friend famous at the time? I hate from Matt. I mean, no.

Sorry, Ike was famous-ish. Famous is. He was established. Okay. So you bring him to an established friend's house, and the established friend cooks a big meal for you. So Amanda eats and then realizes, I got to go to the bathroom.

She thinks she's going to shit herself. But she and she, did you tell him, by the way, I think I need to shit myself? No, you didn't do that. So you just went, I'm just, I'm going to go and they're going to think I peed. You crossed my fingers hoping that it was going to come out, not like the exorcists.

Can we look how much? You know, it escalated quickly. And so, so then what you find out is that Amanda has now taken her pants off. I texted your wife. I'm at your front door. Oh. I want to confuse the shit out of her.

Hey, honey, what's going on? Who is this? It's me. I'm on the air. What do you need? On the air, somebody just texted me. They're at my front door for me. It's Fugga.

He's back here. Is Macy? Is Macy back already? I know. Oh, okay, because I was going to say it, I was going to say at this point, we'd just have a party. Might as well just put Macy on your lap and come back here and be on the air with us. Yeah. Who's back there?

Right now it's me, Steph, Kate, and Josh, and then, but nobody took a dump in the house today. Oh, that's fortunate. Yeah. Yeah, we're glad. We were talking about the hazmat suit. I mean, I don't want to breathe someone's shit air. Yeah. Kay was telling us story.

We just heard of our child. Oh. That's okay. Wait, does Josh have his baby with him right now? No, he was going to. He lied to us. Oh. I have to zip over to them get back for a man.

Oh, is that we got to go now? Okay, so, all right. So we're going to finish up. We're going to actually wrap this show up. But I'll talk to you a little bit. Does everyone know what's your birthday? Happy birthday, buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh didn't. Josh pretended that he knew. I did know that. I swear I just forgot. He came over to get pork for my birthday. They released the Sopranos movie on your birthday. I know. Trust me.

All right. We'll talk to you on the better. I love you, honey. Love you, Sadie. Bye. Sadie Hawkins, Harlow. That's pretty funny. Anyway, so the bottom line of this story is that she goes into the room,

thinks she's going to shit herself, has to remove her pants, and instead of shitting, throws up all over the person's room, throws up all over the sink, throws up everywhere, tries to wipe it down. They don't have anything to wipe it down, have to give her cocktail napkins in order to do so. Aren't I summarizing this fairly well?

And it was an absolute, no, no, no, you told it beautifully. I have to give them the dummy note to the point. Yeah, yeah. So then, and then thought at the time was going to be patching it up with this person and realize quickly it wouldn't. But how would you and Amanda,

at seven months and be able to handle that? I'd be single. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's the same way I felt. Same way I felt. Yeah, no 100%. Now, if it happened today, you'd get past them. Correct.

Yeah, just, you've seen a wife put a human through her body. Yeah, so at this point. This is so annoying because if a guy did this to my friend's house, I would be like, that's fucking hilarious. I don't know. You're different. Seven months in? Steph, I don't know.

Seven months in this, you take them, you take your friend. We were nine months in and he already didn't like me. Right. You're on the way out. And the shit that you go through with people now with DMs, you're full of shit. Literally. Kind of team Christian on this one. Yeah, you're full of.

I listen. What a, what a show it was. It was a lot of fun. Thank you guys so much. I appreciate it. Really happy that McCugia got to pop in here. Kate Mowagan, Steph Sabraugh, the whole damn crew. Make sure Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever podcasts are found.

And don't forget that we are going to be in New York this week, ladies and gentlemen, 7th and 8th at the New York Comedy Club, Mark Ellis. Live, get your tickets. And then Saturday, last New York show for a long time, none in 2022. So get your tickets. This is the last New York show. Get to it, Brooklyn. Make it happen. Get to it.

That's it. That's it. back on Wednesday. Navid Macalogy is going to be on the show. And then Sunday. I know. And then Friday. Friday will be the watchalong of Spider-Man with myself and Corey.

We'll see you guys. We should do a watch-long story. All right, ladies and gentlemen. We love you. Peace out.