The Lazy Genius Podcast - #112 - Grasping for Summer Routine

Episode Date: June 10, 2019

Summer is officially here, and I'm honestly nervous about it. It feels so lovely and so awful all in the same breath to have the kids home all day, to deal with the heat, and to have glorious routine take a break for a while. It can be a lot, so today I'm sharing how I'm approaching our summer routine. Hopefully, it'll help you get some ideas on how to think about yours. Helpful Links for the Summer This episode is the third in a summer series. Don’t miss Summer Reading Plans 2019 and What I’ll Be Cooking This Summer. Get a head start on the complaint monster with The Lazy Genius Summer Survival Guide. Grab what you need, and leave what you don't. Join me live on Instagram around 12:15 p.m. EST on Thursday to chat about summer routines. If Facebook is your kind of thing, we’ve got a Lazy Genius community over there. Join us and make some friends. Download a transcript for this episode.   This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Amazon presents Laura versus Fruitflies. Swarming your fruit and terrorizing your kitchen, these little freaks multiply at a rate that would make a rabbit say, yo. Chill. But Laura shopped on Amazon and saved on cleaning spray, countertop wipes, and fly traps. Hey, fruit flies, your baby boom ends here. Save the Everyday with Amazon. Hi everyone. You're listening to the Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today's episode 112 and it's the third and final episode in our series about getting ready for summer. Two weeks ago, we talked about summer reading. Last week we talked about making summer dinners. And today we're talking about time. We're well into June at this point. So summertime is for real. The irony.

is that today is my kids' last day of school. I know, we get out so late. So my summer officially starts like a few hours after you listen to this maybe. And I'm honestly really nervous about it. It feels, it feels really lovely and also really awful all in the same breath to have the kids home all the time, to deal with the heat. Oh my gosh. And to have like my beloved glorious routine go away for a little while. I've heard from so many of you over the last couple of years about how hard summer is because of the super long days and no routine to speak of, especially if you don't belong to a pool or like you hate going out when it's hot or you have kids with different needs and schedules and nap requirements. It can be a lot. So today I want to share how I am personally

approaching our summer routine and hopefully it'll help you get some ideas on how to think about yours too. I'll also include some links in the show notes of other summer resources I've had over the years, including a blog post called the lazy genius summer survival guide. We need all the help that we can get. All right. The first thing that I say in that blog post and the first thing I'll say now is that if we try and force the rhythm we have the other nine months of the year onto summer, we will hate summer. Summer is different on purpose. And even if you struggle with aspects of it, it's still worth living in and learning from. So remember, your frustration with summer might be that you're trying to make it as little like actual summer as you can,

and that'll just leave you mad. Let summer be summer. But we can make decisions that help us feel like a person in there too. When I think about how I'm going to approach my time in the summer, generally I start with my with my frustrations, right? That's kind of where we are. Like, what drives me crazy about summer? That list is easy to make. For me, the heat. I hate being hot, so much. Also, the lack of routine and the lack of alone time. Everyone is always together for like the entire day and what am I supposed to do with that? Also entertaining my kids like the whining and complaining and them asking to go somewhere. All of that like really bums me out makes me mad. So I, I dread those elements of summer every single year. Now a lot of times when we think about a season or

a frustration, we stop there. We stop with the frustration. We list out why we hate a season of life and then just moan about it until the season is over. I am a complainer as much as the next person. I struggle with it so much. But I don't want to actively go into summer preparing to be miserable or allow it to eat my lunch and make me cranky for three months. Like, I want to enjoy it as much as I can, even though parts of it I don't really like. So I think it's good for all of us to not only recognize what frustrates us about summer. That is important to name. Because we want to figure out ways to be geniuses about those things. But we also want to name what we love about summer and then actively pursue those things. This is true for any season. Work with what you have and what you can't change.

Like heat in the summer. I cannot change that. I live in the South. But also let the engine be what you love, be led by the things that are good, that fill you up, that are worth the heat. And the lack of routine. Otherwise, we complain more than we enjoy. And while complaining doesn't make us bad people, it certainly isn't our goal for our days. That's not what we hope for. That's not what we want to fill our days with. So what do I personally love about summer? Honestly, the thing I love is being in the moment with my kids. I think about park visits that turned out great. The occasional trip to the library where the kids actually like stayed and read books for a little while. I think about dinners with friends and like a highly successful bubble blowing contest once on one time most of what

I love about summer it isn't planned it just happens in the regular moments which means I don't have to go crazy with my planning like all these grand things I just need to have regular moments regular activities regular resources like bubbles and sprinklers and popsicles and chalk that make for lovely moments with my kids I'm not going to force those moments, but instead, like, I see the value in regular life, and I don't want to quickly brush it aside in favor of something more grand. Grand is fine. Grand is fun, but grand is not sustainable all summer. Regular, ordinary life, and being present in the moments that surprise me is a good thing to hold on to. So I love the regular moments that just happen.

Another thing I love about the summer is that my husband. husband is home for a good chunk of it. Cause is a school counselor and so he gets about four weeks off every summer. His summer schedule, it is a bit scattered and it looks different every year. It's like a couple weeks here, a few days there, but it's so fun to have space to do things as an entire family and also have my teammate around to like parent and cook and keep things above water even for part of the time. I realize how lucky I am to have that as part of our summer rhythm, even if it's a bit unpredictable. We decided early on, we decided early on. We decided early on, that we would rather have his flexible schedule than a hefty paycheck. Public school employees

are not exactly rolling in the dough, but we love having him around for half the summer, which also means I can prioritize being alone sometimes. I can leave. He can leave. We can give each other space to be a person, which I definitely feel and miss when he goes back to work. Half the summer, it is just me, and that half is always like a little sadder. So I applaud you parents who are the solo parent of all your kids for the long days of summer. It is not an easy job. All right. So to recap my list, I don't like heat, lack of routine, and whiny kids. I do like ordinary moments and time as a family. My job isn't to micromanage the summer or over-schedule it or build some big system. It's simply to keep those things in mind. Here's the thing about being a lazy genius.

we need to be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. It's clear what matters to me, ordinary moments and time as a family. That's the time to be a genius, not break out the lazy. I want to invest time and my personal energy in those two things. I want to be present with those two things. Now, as far as the things I really hate about summer, you might think those are the things to be lazy about because they don't matter. But actually, they really matter because they have an enormous impact on me emotionally.

I want to be a genius about the heat. I want to figure out ways to not feel like I'm going to sweat to death all summer. This is not a time for laziness. Now everything else, though, everything that I don't really love or really hate, that gets the lazy treatment. Creativity and dinners is one of those things. It is not a priority to me to have amazing meals all summer. Like I shared last week, I just want flexible meals that I can make ahead or in the morning

or super fast with limited ingredients so I'm not spending. a ton of time at the store. Our summer dinner queue is limited and simple and lazy. And that is on purpose. Be lazy about the things that don't elicit any sort of passionate response in you either way. But the things you really love or really hate that are really frustrating, apply genius tactics to those. Okay, so how will I be a genius about heat? We will go out early in the mornings instead of the afternoons, running errands, going to the park, whatever else that doesn't involve water, right? I would rather spend the mornings doing those things and then stay tucked into side, inside like a cozy air-conditioned house in the afternoons. Dinner, dinner is going to be made

in the instapot or the grill almost exclusively, which means I'm not like getting hot by heating up the house with an oven, right? I will make sure that the sprinkler is always hooked up so the kids can start it on their own without my having to drag a hose through direct sunlight. No, thank you. I will stock popsicles and icy water bottles for all of us. We will only go to the pool or play outside in the middle of the heat with friends to limit the complaining from me and from the kids. experiencing hot days together with other people is better than doing it on our own. We've learned that the hard way. And now we're not going to do that anymore. And I saw recently that my friend Andrea, she bought herself her own inflatable pool for when her kid is playing

outside and she has to be out there too, like so she can just get in her own pool to stick. It's like, that is genius. That is absolutely genius. Okay. Now what about the lack of routine? How can I be a genius about that. I am not going to scrap routine altogether because that won't last long and it would make me crazy. But I don't want to be so rigid that I lose that chill, playful part of summer. So I'm going to approach my time using what I call anchors and blocks. Anchors are the things in your day that don't really move. Things like meals, naps, or important parts of your daily rhythm, like our family reading time that I mentioned two episodes ago. Think about what exists in your day that happens most days at generally the same time.

Those are your anchors. My personal anchors, you're ready for this? So creative. Breakfast, lunch. Family reading time, which is also Annie's nap time, since those happen at the same time. Dinner and the kids' bedtimes. Like, don't be insane about it. They don't have to be crazy.

Some things move off course a lot day to day and that's cool. but those things that are usually about the same. Maybe it's like an appointment you have. Maybe it's like a regular physical therapy appointment with one of your kids. Certain days of the week might also have their own anchors and blocks. It's not like every day has the same. But think about what those anchors are day in and day out. All right.

Now blocks are the times in between those anchors. So I want you to think about filling those or not filling those, just one block at a time. The ride that steals the spotlight every time it hits the road? That's the Volkswagen Tiguan. Its sleek exterior makes a first impression you can't ignore. Step inside to find available full leather seats and wood accents. Under the hood, the available 201 turbocharged horsepower engine gives it a fun to drive edge.

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as you plan out your week maybe maybe there are blocks that are more set in stone like a movie going to see a movie or a play date with friends or something like that and that leaves the other blocks kind of open and flexible now my blocks are essentially i mean if you think about it it's like meals it's essentially morning afternoon and evening i'm not breaking any new ground here but what really helps is segmenting the day a little bit so that i am not overwhelmed by the entire day in front of me, or an entire week in front of me. By breaking the day into chunks, into blocks, I can name one thing for a block, but not necessarily be bound by a specific time within that block. So like, for example, we might say that our morning block between breakfast

and lunch, we'll go to the park and we'll make a target run. It doesn't necessarily dictate exactly when we leave, or which one we will do first, or when we'll even get home. But those two things fit within the loose confines of that block. It's simple, but it really helps, at least it really helps me. Anchors and blocks might be a helpful way to stay, like, loosely tethered to routine without being super, super organized about it. And bonus, when you feel like you're losing your mind, all you have to do is make it through the next couple of hours until the next anchor hits. And then everybody kind of gets a reset. Next anchor, new block. That perspective helps me so much. And I really hope it helps you too. Um, so one of the things that we're

probably going to do, especially since each week varies based on what my work looks like, what causes work looks like, who might be going to camp, when the grandparents want to hang with the kids, all those things. And so our plan is to every Sunday night to kind of look at the coming week and sort of pencil in, like look at those anchors and blocks and what's going on. And then sort of decide whether maybe you have like a summer bucket list or maybe you just have like not even a bucket list. You have just like a single bucket with one thing in it. And you're like, I want to make sure that we do this one thing, which is important to do. You don't have to do everything, but name like the most important thing maybe. And we're going to sort of plan loosely

one week at a time. And we've done that way before and it works really well for our family. So it might work for you too. Okay. Another thing that I don't like, I don't like winnie kids, right? So I'm going to be a genius about that by essentially punishing them every time they whine. I know. I am like such a fantastic parent. We've been doing a version. of this for several months now, and it actually mostly works. I will share our whole kind of process of like chores and attitude in an upcoming episode. But the main idea in terms of whining is that my boys, they get a certain number of tallies a day. I mark five tallies on this little whiteboard in our kitchen every morning. And then every time they complain, they are like super disrespectful to me

or to each other, they lose a tally. Now, of course we don't just like, you love a tally, buy. Like, we encourage gratitude and we teach them to like come up with different ways to communicate how they're feeling and what they're frustrated with. But there's no warning. If you complain or you are rude, you lose a tally. If you lose all of your tallies before the day is over, you lose screen time or something else that's prized. Basically, it's like a system of giving them multiple chances to notice their choices without being like overly disciplinary about it. We all agreed like the boys and me and cause. We all agreed on the system on the number of tallies. They mark off their own when they mess up. Sometimes we we don't even really have to prompt them to. I'm like, hey, that was,

that's a disrespectful way of speaking. So that's tally. Okay. And they'll walk over and they'll kind of undo it. And then they sort of like notice. Like I think they, I think sometimes they just don't even know that the way that they're speaking isn't working. Like we will even say like your words that you're saying are actually okay. But the way you're saying them, the way your voice is speaking them is disrespectful. Do you hear that? You know, like whatever. And then they lose a tally.

And so it gives them, it gives them a chance to sort of notice. Now, I will say that like there is a lot of sadness on days they lose all their tallies. but they learn, you know, they don't die over it. And when they have one tally left, I'm usually pretty vigilant. I'm like, please don't lose your last tally. I remind them of it. Like if they start playing a game, if my boys start playing a game together, that they tend to kind of like fight a lot over. If they're going to explosions are common. I remind them, like look me in the eye. You have one tally left. This is the warning of that. Like, and then I just crossed my fingers and hope that they keep it together so that they're not like severely disappointed after most days they don't lose all their

tallies i mean it's not a perfect system but it keeps me from whining back at them when they are like not being grateful or being disrespectful um i have a response built in where i'm like oh man do you hear that that's that's a tally you know um now it is it's in a system where they're just reminded of which words and tones of voice or complaining ones in which aren't, you know? Um, so that's, yeah, it's just a reminder. It's like a visual reminder. Now, my oldest, he's really motivated by getting something. Um, like he likes, he likes things. So there was a time, I was like a year ago maybe where he said, he said to me, he's like, mom, if I can go an entire week without complaining one time, will you buy me a new Lego set? I was like, um, yes, of course. And it was like a $50.00 Lego set.

I never thought he would do it, but if he did, I was like, well, our lives would be amazing because he complains a lot. And you guys, he did it. We had to start the seven days over a couple of times, but he legit went seven days without a single complaint. It was bonkers. He was happier. The house was lighter. Everyone yelled less. It was like one of the best weeks our family has ever had. I miss it. I miss those days. So finding some way to like notice the complaining and then a attaching it to something valuable. It has worked for us. It works and fits and starts. It doesn't always work, you know. And I want them to be grateful because it's just a good call as a human. But I struggle with gratitude too, and I'm a grown-up. I cannot expect them to be like perfectly

content all the time without teaching them what's what in a in a concrete way. So complaining tallyes will be how we handle whittiness this summer. If it does not work after, like if it suddenly stops working. We'll have to come up with something else, but I want to be a genius about whiny children. I do have plans to talk with the boys, like probably this afternoon, about some sort of end of summer reward. If there's like some master level of gratitude that they hit when we get to the end of the summer, I'm not really sure what that's going to look like. So, but sometimes I think offering them a chance to come up with sort of a solution, because honestly, their lives are better when they don't whine to. And if we have that conversation when they are in,

a good place. Like, we don't want to have that conversation when they're in the middle of like, like a whiny zone and a complaining zone because then they don't really see it for what it is. But the number of times, I'm like, hey, you've been really grateful today. How do you feel? You've had a really great attitude today. Like, how does that feel? And they're like, it feels really good to them, just like it feels really good to us. And so noticing that when it feels really good and then maybe giving them an option to come up with a creative system of like, how can we, how can we do this more often? How can we remind ourselves and encourage ourselves to to have this attitude more often? Sometimes that works. Now if they don't buy in, it's not usually

worth my effort. So we'll see if they buy in for like some system they create for like an end of summer something. I don't know what it will be, but I'll keep you posted. Okay. So onto the things that I love. Regular moments that are suddenly special, you know, just noticing those regular moments and then time as a family. it's kind of easy to be a genius about these because they matter, right? Essentially, it's what I said before. We're not going to force a lot of grand plans. We do use anchors and blocks to give us a little bit of structure, but we do more things together, chores and annoying stuff. We do those things together, too, rather than just like going into our silos every day and entertaining ourselves constantly. Summer is the rare season where we can be more connected and spend more time together on purpose than we

usually do. It definitely gets overwhelming not having a lot of alone time or any at all. Like, it's a lot of togetherness. But summer is meant for connection as a family and with friends too. So we are going to spend time with our people in regular, ordinary ways. We will, of course, leave time for everyone to be, like, alone because half of our family is very introverted. And so we will honor that, absolutely. But I want to see like the ordinary summer activities, like just going to the park, building a pillow fort, eating popsicles, I want to see those as the thing, not what's getting in the way of my thing. So much of that isn't so much about planning, but about perspective. If I see bubbles in reading the same book 40 times and making sandwiches

40,000 times as the things that are getting in the way of my alone time, of my to-do list, of my longing for fall, I'm going to be really unhappy. But if I try and say, see those things as the thing, as the entire point of summer. I'll still be tired, but I'll likely be less annoyed. Summer is meant for play. It is, its entire purpose is to slow down and be bored and get on each other's nerves and eat breakfast in the driveway and invite in new ways to connect with each other. That is the entire purpose. So if we can keep that purpose in mind and then seek to align our perspective from that place of gratitude. And then like with living in the season that we're in,

summer is likely going to be more enjoyable, like more than not, which is good. So for you, I would name a couple of things about summer that you really, really don't like, and then name a couple of things that you really, really love.

Name how you can be a genius about both of those types of things. And then keep a fair, generous perspective. on summer in mind. You don't necessarily need a massively new way to do summer. You might just need to adjust how you see it. And then adjust what you might do one thing at a time. And then don't forget about those anchors and blocks. I just really feel like that could be a helpful mindset. And for the record, if you don't have any obvious anchors in your day, make one, make some. You're allowed to do that to benefit from the beauty of anchors and blocks. Okay, guys, I think that is it for today.

I hope that you have enjoyed this three-week summer series, and I sincerely hope it helps you enter into this season with a little more grace for yourself and for your people. If you're new to the podcast, you might not know, but I am live every Thursday, around 1215 Eastern Time, at The Lazy Genius. I go live and answer your questions. So if you have any questions about this episode, you can join me there this week. We will have a couple more episodes the next two weeks before I take a short summer break for about three weeks from the podcast. So that's just a heads up on that. I will be here next week.

We're going to talk about laundry. And then the week after that, we're going to talk about the anagram. Two very fun topics coming your way. Until then, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next time. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that, more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, You don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.