The Lazy Genius Podcast - #123 - The Lazy Genius After School Routine

Episode Date: September 16, 2019

Snacks, homework, playing, chores, making dinner, not to mention those extracurriculars if your kids are into sports and clubs. The reason why the hours after school is over feel frenzied is because it IS frenzied. But a routine can help. In this episode, we will talk about why a routine is helpful, how to build one that works for you, and I’ll share our personal after school routine in case you need specific ideas.   Stuff Mentioned If you’re looking how to Lazy Genius a routine, take a look at my series on routines: Morning, Evening, Skincare, Exercise, Bedtime for Kids, and Cleaning. Listen to How to Lazy Genius Kid Chores to learn more about Daily Sheets. The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan If you’re on Instagram, I’d love for you to join me for an Instagram LIVE on Thursday around 12 or 12:15 p.m. EST. Get behind-the-scenes info and my latest book, podcast, and music recommendations by signing up for the Latest Lazy Letter, a newsletter I send out every month. Download a transcript of this episode. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi everybody. You're listening to The Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 123, The Lazy Genius After-School Routine. In this episode, we will talk about why a routine is helpful, how to build one that works for you. And I will share our personal after-school routine in case you need some specific ideas. First, though, would you do me a solid? I would absolutely be. Love it. If you would leave a review of this podcast on the Apple podcast app, this is a request that we hear often as podcast listeners, and hosts will say that reviews help other people find the show. And that is incredibly true. This is a little inside baseball, but Apple uses several ways to measure whether a podcast shows up in the rankings or gets its picture, like all big when you're squiping through a category. And one of the main measures, is podcast reviews. Getting star reviews and even more written reviews, it gives a show such a boost in visibility. It really makes a difference in people finding the show. So if you love the lazy

genius podcast, it would be such a gift for you to me to leave a review so that hopefully others can find the show and love it as much as you do. This is actually a recent review from The Blea titled Not Just for moms. The Blee says, I am single with no kids and I never miss an episode. Even though it frequently addresses topics that are probably more relatable to parents, I still gleaned tons of tips from Kendra. I love that she also talks about shifting your mindset, forming morning and evening routines, in addition to practical things like recipes, book recommendations, and cleaning and laundry hacks, all while referencing pop culture and celebrities. I love her new episodes on the Enegram too, and I am now a Patreon supporter so I can hear her ridiculously funny, lazy

sister's podcast she does with her sister. Subscribe today. You won't regret it. That is so kind. It's like the kindest review. I'm so glad that you are enjoying the show, The Blea. And I love this review because it gives a sense of the show for folks who might not think it's for them. So if it is for you, a review would be amazing to open the door to other listeners. Okay. Let's talk about an after-school routine. The biggest reason we need one is because those last few hours of the day, they just feel bonkers. Even if you don't have kids who have like sports practices and club meetings, it's still a lot to fit into a really small window of time. Snack, homework, playing, chores, making dinner. And then if you do add in those extracurriculars and your own stuff to take care of,

it feels really frenzied because it is. And that is where I want to start. Your afternoons don't feel frantic because you're doing something wrong. They're frantic. They're fronzieed. They're frantic because they're frantic for everybody. It's just a hard time of day and you're doing great. And this is why I love a routine. A routine isn't about what you do, but about where you're going. Routines, they just lead you into something else. If you hold your routine as king, rather than focus on what the routine offers you and where it leads you, you're going to be annoyed when the steps within your routine don't happen. The parts of the routine are not the point. The consequences of their intention are. Your after-school routine, it can be made up of any number of steps and choices,

but the point is to have a loose, expected order for an emotionally disordered time of day. Hopefully, the routine will lead you and your people into a saner headspace. It's not really about getting everything done, but getting whatever you do, like getting it all done without killing each other, right? Like that's really, what's the point of getting it done if you, like, are all mad by 530? So how do you build an after-school routine? There are two steps to this. The first is to name your essentials. What broadly must happen after school? For us, it's food, homework, and fun. my kids eat lunch really early at school and food is a comforting, centering thing when they get home. So a snack is a must.

Homework is also a must. Now, I definitely have some rebel in me about like how important it is for elementary school kids to actually have homework. But that's not the point of this conversation. They're given homework and we honor their teacher's requests to have it done. And then fun. They've been at school all day walking in. line, sitting in desk, trying to manage all the things in their little person brains. So when they

come home, I want them to be able to relax and have fun pretty extensively at some point before they go to bed. So those are our essentials. Now in a second, I'll show you how the steps of the routine itself can vary a great deal around those essentials, but it's important to name what must happen. Now, the second step in building an after school routine or any routine, really, is to start small. always always start small if you build your routine with too many steps too many things to keep up with you'll be at the mercy of the order of the routine rather than the spirit of the routine remember it's leading you somewhere it's not the destination so start small but small doesn't have to mean insignificant or not helpful you can start small with one choice

but try and think of one choice that will make everything that comes after it easier there is a book I read a few months ago called The One Thing. And even though it's a hardcore business book, it shares this idea of doing the one thing that makes everything else after it less urgent or even unnecessary. You don't need to destroy your brain trying to come up with your one thing. But it's a nice lens to consider as you start small with your after school routine. What one thing makes everything else a little easier? and just start there. You can build slowly as time goes on if you need to. So if my family's after-school essentials are food, homework, and fun, how can I build a routine around those things? The irony is that

our after-school routine, it looks different day-to-day because we tackle those three things in different orders and even in different places sometimes. If the weather is beautiful, which so far in the South and September. It has been super hot, so we have not done this. But when it gets cooler, like, we might grab some snacks from the house and do homework in the yard or at a park. We cover all three essentials in one spot, right? Recently, we have gone to a local bakery a couple of times after school where each kid can pick out something to eat like a muffin or a cookie, and we do our homework in the bakery. It feels really special and it offers a nice change of pace. I get iced coffee. which is a delight. And it kind of helps keep the afternoons from feeling like one slog after another.

Now there might be days too where there isn't any homework, right? So we can stretch our fun further by playing outside longer if it's not hot or making dinner together very slowly. Because with all those eager little hands, it can take an enormous amount of time. But I have more margin to do that. Maybe if there's not any homework. Or maybe we have like easy dinner plans. I made something earlier in the day or dinner is coming out of the freezer or we're going out with grandparents or friends. I have more leeway on those days since my own task load is lightened by not having to make dinner. Things just shift too much, at least in our family, to have an actual step-by-step routine that we have to follow every day. So I consider how we will deal with

after school one day at a time. But what always stays true are those three essentials. I consider how to address those three things every day from a small handful of options. And then we roll. This episode is brought to you by Defender. With its 626 horsepower twin-turbo V8 engine, the Defender Octa is taking on the Dakar rally. The ultimate off-road challenge. Learn more at landrover.ca. Amazon Presents. Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa. Whether it's Verde, Roja, or the orange one.

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I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. I will say that we do have kind of an average, after-school routine, maybe three out of five weekdays, look a little, something like this. It starts out with making a snack platter. I have a post a little deeper in my Instagram feed at The Lazy Genius. It shows one, but it's basically like a big plate or a board covered in different foods. There's no rhyme or reason to what you choose, which makes it really easy to put together. So when the kids come home, the snack platter is a really fun way to start the afternoon because

it's exciting and there are choices. There's usually cookies and pepperoni and it's just fun. We always start with the food portion of the afternoon because my kids are very affected by low blood sugar. And an average day, we'll have a snack platter. And that is also actually my one thing. When I have a snack platter on the table, it makes much of what comes after easier. The kids aren't trying to negotiate different snacks or fight with me over what they can and can't have. They're also like, they're already at the table. and they're being fed, which makes going into homework at the table, like going into that mode

a little bit easier, it just always sets us up really well. It doesn't make things perfect, but it often makes things easier. We listen to music while we have a snack, just because music makes the world go around, at least makes our house go around, and then we gradually move into homework. Okay, so a word about homework. Two of my three kids have homework, and they both have very different ways of approaching homework. Then my second grader, he just gets his folder and he starts working. He doesn't really need any encouragement to get started. However, he needs a lot more hands-on help. So the effort with him comes from like the emotional trials of navigating how he doesn't have to get every answer right the first time to be good. Like it's doing the homework can be hard.

It's not hard to get him to start it, but it can be hard to get him through it. Sam, on the other hand, he's my fourth grader. He has some focus issues and he also struggles with anxiety. I give him a wide birth in moving into homework. I'll let him run around or play or get distracted because he's been working so hard not to do those things all day in school. I want him to be able to be a kid. But he's also in fourth grade and he has a lot more homework than he used to.

Now when he's focused, he can breeze through his math sheets and do his reading. He's a really smart kid. He gets the work pretty easily. The challenge with him is just to get him started. Once he gets in a groove and gets focused, he's great. But getting him started is the hard part. So you can see how it's tricky with the two kids. So I just pay attention to both kids and what they need.

And it can be hard because they need very different things. Plus, let's not forget, I have a three-year-old daughter who understandably just wants to be up in everybody's business, especially her brothers because she's missed them all day. I have to hold that hour very loosely. Sometimes it goes by in a breeze, but I cannot systemize the homework time very much because the needs vary day to day and kid to kid.

The one thing that I definitely try and keep consistent is my intention toward that time. I don't try and prep dinner during homework, or read myself, you know, I really try and stay at the table or close by so that I can pay attention to what everyone needs. Now, some of that is for my kids, but a lot of that is for me. I would personally, selfishly, rather get a jumpstart on dinner or read my own book or not have to stop what I'm doing to like do subtraction. But that's not the goal of that time of day. If I am actively present in their homework, it ends more quickly than if I'm not.

it's really hard to do that. And I don't enjoy it, just being honest, but it's important. So I do it. And I don't mean for that to sound as like self-righteous and martyry as it does. But if it makes you feel any better, like it's a choice I have to make every single day and often with like a quietly bad attitude to start because I'm selfish. And I would rather not spend an hour of my day that way. But it's not just about me. Families have to be a team sometimes. And being homework mom is a way that I can help out the team. All right. So that's food and homework and then comes the fun. That usually takes the form of screen time because my kids love their video games. They all get screen time at the same time, like all three of them, which helps me be able to focus on getting

dinner made or tidying up or finishing a project or just sitting still on the couch by myself. I will time when they get their screen time based on what I most need the time for myself. I So it might be that I bump it to the point where they're finishing their screen time when dinner's ready. That way they move from video games like straight to the table. Sometimes that's easier and that's what we need. Sometimes, you know, the afternoon is like really, really hot. So I'll give them screen time earlier in the afternoon, bust out as much dinner as I can. And then we can spend the end of the afternoon before dinner outside when it's like cool down a little bit.

Again, it just kind of all depends. but we always make time for fun because fun is important. And also because fun is important, we have been like a little looser about our daily sheets and chores. You can hear more about how we handle chores in episode 117, so just a few back. But it is more of a priority for me that the kids have fun after school than be responsible. We have other ways of.

of having responsibility kind of built into our days. And we also have weekends to do chores. I noticed pretty quickly that adding like full blown daily sheets to our after school time when school started, it was just too much. We're not even a month into school at this point. So we like if we get into more of a groove, maybe that'll change. But if you're thinking like, when do you do chores, we're not doing them right now. And we're perfectly fine with that. And that's it. I will share one really great little thing that we've been doing recently as part of our after school routine. I heard it on the podcast, didn't I just feed you? Melissa D'Arabian was the guest.

She was on Next Food Network Star ages ago. I feel like she's got a new book coming out pretty soon. But she shared on that episode that she has a dinner bell for her family. A dinner bell. She rings it loudly when dinner is ready. And it's like this call to action for her family. I would was always intrigued by the idea, but didn't know if I wanted to spend 30 bucks on a dinner bell that I didn't even know, like, how to hang on the wall or if it would even work. And then I found this little wooden bell that's got, it packs a punch for being tiny. I found it at Goodwill for $2. And I was like, well, you know, I'll try this out. Y'all, it is the best thing ever. I ring it to signal anything. I ring it to start screen time, to end screen time, to start dinner,

anything that needs some kind of signal. And the kids love it. They don't get mad at the bell for telling them something is over like they do me. It kind of takes like the bad guyness out of transitions, at least like to a point. It's not magic. Nothing's magic. But it really does help. So be on the lookout for a bell when you're next to the thrift store and try it out. Okay.

So to recap, remember that a routine is not the goal. Think about where it's leading you. You don't need to be stuck to. like a step-by-step way through the afternoon, but instead you can make choices that lead you in a direction that matters. You can be fluid in those choices, and you do that by building your routine around what's essential first and by starting small. If you're able, start small with one thing that makes all the steps after it a little easier. And that's it. That's the lazy genius after school routine. I hope that this episode helps you feel less overwhelmed by those hours after school. And I'm happy to answer.

have about this episode this Thursday at 1215 Eastern. I'll be live on Instagram at The Lazy Genius. So follow me there and ask your questions. I also always post something in my feed earlier that morning for you to ask your question if you can't ask it during the actual live. So look for that if you need it. And again, if you have a second, it would be so great if you would consider leaving a review for this show on Apple Podcasts. I'm so grateful for your support of me and this work, and I love that you guys help it grow and make more and more people lazy geniuses. That's all for today. Thanks so much for listening.

And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next week. You ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life? Because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough.

Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You, wherever you get your podcasts.