The Lazy Genius Podcast - #130 - The Lazy Genius Guide to Hosting Anything

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi everyone. You're listening to The Lazy Genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 130, the lazy genius guide to hosting anything. It is the first week of November and all of the holiday hosting is about to hit hard. So I want to give you some tools to enjoy this time and not dread it. Today I'm going to walk you through the 10 steps to hosting anything. And since I've talked about the holidays, a good bit in the past. I will mention some past episodes that could be great companion listens to this one. Apparently, I care a lot about you guys not being unnecessarily stressed out during the holidays. So there you go. Before we get into the 10 steps, though, I want to mention quickly that this Wednesday, I'll send out the latest lazy letter, which is my monthly newsletter with book reviews, specific podcast episode recommendations, a rundown of everything that's come out of the lazy genius machine this month and other words that I choose to share only with that list. If you are going to trust me enough to let me into your inbox, I am going to trust you with thoughts that I don't put on

Starting point is 00:01:08 big internet. If you would like to try out the latest lazy letter, click the link in the profile or go to the lazy genius collective.com slash join. Again, the next letter will go out this Wednesday. Okay, so let's walk through the 10 steps to hosting anything. Step one. name your reason to gather. I want you to think about why you're bringing people together in your home. And it's a great idea if you can think of an answer other than to have Thanksgiving together. That's a fine enough reason and it's going to carry you along for sure. But it really, really helps for you to name your reason to gather. I think there can be two answers to this question actually. One is what's the reason for you as the host? And two, what's the reason for them as your people?

Starting point is 00:01:56 why are you personally choosing to host whatever it is your hosting and then what intention can you set and moving toward that purpose and then what are you hoping the people in your home will feel after the gathering is over what's the purpose for them and then how can you set an intention to help them move toward that purpose i talk more about this specifically in episode number 39 the lazy genius host thanksgiving in that episode i share 10 thanksgiving hosting tips along with three keys to hosting success. And one of those keys is to remember why you're hosting. It's so important to name that no matter what the gathering is.

Starting point is 00:02:33 Isn't that true for just about everything we talk about? You have to figure out what matters first. Step two. Assess who is coming. There are obvious reasons for this. You need to know how many people will be in your home for this gathering. If you are having 15 people over for Thanksgiving dinner, but you only have room around your table for six,

Starting point is 00:02:51 you will need to think creatively about how to serve the meal and where people can sit and eat the food. Knowing who is coming is important when you're thinking logistically, obviously. It is also important thinking about it relationally. Sometimes it's really good to remember that certain people and personalities have historically been a little tricky. So naming who is coming and even like how many other people might be there to buffer any relational weirdness, it's really helpful.

Starting point is 00:03:20 None of us are strangers to relational tension. And if you need a deep dive into that topic, you can look at episode number 40. The Lazy Genius Navigates Family Tension. That episode came out something like two years ago. And when it did, I heard from so many listeners that it made a really, really big impact in their holiday interactions. So definitely check it out if that's an area that has you feeling a little bit wonky. But assess who's coming. Step three, check your filters. I wish I could do a dad joke about like, no, not your air filters. I mean, I guess I just kind of did. But I don't mean air filters. I mean your personal relational filters. I talk more about this in episode 39 as well, but we all have filters through which we see not just the world, but specific people. Or maybe you feel like you personally are seen through a filter by your parents or some other member of your family. if you're the youngest, but now you are legitimately in your 30s and an adult with like a 401k and a car payment and all that, but you still feel like you're treated as the baby and the family who doesn't know anything, that can be a huge bummer, especially if you are the one hosting everyone.

Starting point is 00:04:35 It'll be easy to take casual comments that don't have any ill meaning and run them through your filter of being the youngest who doesn't know anything and get offended. quickly by someone who really had no intention of offending you in the slightest. And yet you still feel hurt. And that's real. And it counts and it affects things. So check your filters. Look at the list of folks that are coming and do like a quick reset maybe on any filters coming from them that might get in the way of you're telling yourself the truth about yourself and your place in the family in the room and having a good time. This doesn't have to be like a massive practice or something that applies to every. single person coming over to your house. It doesn't have to be like a really hugely emotionally

Starting point is 00:05:21 deep process. But give yourself the space to name relationships and messages that put you in a funk. You don't want to be the host and be in a funk. It's not fun for anybody. So just check your filters now. Name them now. Step four. Name how people can help. Okay, so sometimes it feels easier to make a huge plan and then find ways that others can fill in the holes if there are any. But I think we do ourselves and our people a disservice if we always go in that order. So I would encourage you to look at who's coming and first name how they can help. What are they good at? What do they love doing?

Starting point is 00:06:03 How can their specific way of being in a group offer something beautiful to that group on purpose? For example, my sister is a masterful playlist maker, truly. Spotify should hire her. Now, not every gathering needs like perfect music, but if I'm going to spend any time at all thinking through appropriate Thanksgiving dinner music that sets a certain mood and evokes certain feelings and my sister is coming to that Thanksgiving dinner, I'm going to ask Hannah to choose the music. It is a way for her to contribute something she loves and is good at to the rest of us. It's a way for her to feel included in the gathering itself. And it takes something off my plate that I'm not great at or that I don't need to have a personal hand in. Certain things I really

Starting point is 00:06:51 love to do myself. And that's great if you're the same way. But you don't have to and possibly shouldn't do everything yourself. So ask your people to help. And not just to bring napkins. You know, like look at the people coming and name how they can help in a way that is unique to them. Do you have like an uncle who always makes the little kids laugh? Like all the little kids gravitate towards him. Ask him if he would think of a game or an activity or just sort of like head up the kids while the finishing touches of a possibly late Thanksgiving dinner or being taken care of. You're eliminating stress of whiny kids who don't know what to do but like run around and

Starting point is 00:07:33 stress all the grownups out. And you are acknowledging that your uncle has this lovely spirit that little kids kids attach themselves to. So you can say like, Uncle Mike, I've noticed that all the little kids just love hanging around you when we get together as a family. How would you feel about planning a tiny something for them to do before dinner? Think about ways to name how people can help in ways that are beautifully unique to them. And of course, remember that it's also perfectly fine if they say now. So give them the freedom to do that. Step five, plan the menu. Here's where we often start, but it's good to do those other things first for good reason.

Starting point is 00:08:13 If the purpose of your gathering is simply to be together in a comfortable, comforting way, serving fancy guinea hens for dinner, it might not be the right vibe. Now if the purpose of your gathering is to create a really special meal that most of your people don't get to experience very often, then guinea hens for days, y'all have all the guinea hens. There's nothing bad or good or right or wrong about any of your food choices. just remember that certain foods and dishes, they mesh better with certain types of gatherings than with others. So basically when planning your menu, you're deciding what matters and what doesn't. What gets attention and what doesn't, at least by you. Now, I am not, I'm not a beverage person.

Starting point is 00:08:56 I will drink water and I'll be super fine. Like, no, I don't even need ice. But not everyone is like that. So this is where step four actually comes in handy. Maybe create. Maybe create. a special drink doesn't matter to you. So you don't particularly have the margin to give it attention. Cool. You can totally let it go. That's part of planning the menu is what you're going to, what matters and what you're going to let go. So you can completely let it go or you can ask someone who's coming who loves beverages to be in charge of the special drink. Right. If you don't care as much about something, that might mean you can let it go completely from the gathering or most likely it means giving it to someone who does care. And then everybody wins. So as you name what matters and what doesn't,

Starting point is 00:09:41 start with the non-negotiables. What dish has to happen? It might be the turkey. It might be your grandmother's famous mashed potatoes or any number of things. So choose like the one, two, three things that are must-haves, not 12, they're not 12 must-haves. Choose one, two, or three. Keep it low to start. Notice how difficult or easy those things are. Think about how much time they need in the oven when they need to be pulled out of the oven. Oven math is real, you guys, so pay attention to what needs oven attention. If all three of your non-negotiables must be made by you or say require your oven like for the whole day, fill in the holes of your menu by asking others to bring stuff that's already made or look for simple recipes that are served cold or at room temperature. Recipes that can be used.

Starting point is 00:10:32 made in a slow cooker or somewhere off the stove, that kind of thing. Start with your non-negotiables and then fill in the gaps in the most lazy, genius way that makes sense, whether it's food that's already made, something homemade that you make ahead, or you just delegate the rest of the menu to other people. Obviously, I could do an entire episode series on what to cook for Thanksgiving dinner or any gathering you're hosting because food is like endless and amazing. But really, you can do it. Just go in this order. and I promise it'll be a lot easier than you anticipated. RBC Training Ground has discovered potential in over 20,000 Canadian athletes and counting. Your story could be next.

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Starting point is 00:11:51 Step 6. Create an environment. Don't start pinning table runner ideas yet, please. Just hold on. Do the other stuff first. Okay, I talk a lot about environment in episode number 42. The Lacey Genius hosts a holiday party. So you can listen to that for more ideas. Basically, though, environment is such a fun place to give your gathering legs. No matter what you're hosting, creating an environment that matches your purpose. That's why this is step six and not step one. It matches your purpose. It is such a gift to the people entering your home. And it just makes everything more fun and more enjoyable.

Starting point is 00:12:30 we remember gatherings that set a good environment. You could even think of some that have in your past and try to name what it was about those environments that was memorable. Now, if you don't know where to start, I have three easy categories with a big one. If you just do these three, you'll be fine. Music, lighting, and plants are just like living nature-y things. Music is such a lazy, genius way to help create an environment

Starting point is 00:12:57 because once you choose the mood that you want, which Spotify, by the way, has playlists based on mood. You can search by mood. It's so great. You just hit play and let the music go. And it creates a great foundation for the environment. Depending on the type of gathering, you might want something that's really moody, instrumental, throwback, fun. You know, the possibilities are endless. But put a couple of descriptive words out there as you think about the kind of music you want that matches your purpose and who's going to be there and all of that.

Starting point is 00:13:26 and almost certainly there is a playlist out there that already exists for it. But please play music. It's also a really great social buffer if you have like your first guests arrive and no one's really talking yet because maybe like maybe they got there a little early and you're still in the middle of a task and then there's this like really awkward silence. Well, music really eliminates that. It's so helpful. So choose some music appropriate for your environment and play it early. The second category is lighting. Candles are always a win. If you happen to be hosting something outside or maybe candles just feel too cozy or something for what you're after, you can hang paper lanterns or twinkle lights. Basically any kind of mood lighting is massive in creating such a fun environment, no matter what that version of fun is.

Starting point is 00:14:12 And you don't have to go crazy. You don't have to buy a lot of extra things. Even pulling lamps from other rooms and putting them around the main gathering room to create more of a mood with your lighting works great. So don't feel like you have to spend a lot of money or anything. Just don't forget the lighting. Pay attention in the lighting. And the last category is plants. Something living is never a bad idea. That's why Christmas parties have such an easy win because you likely already have a giant plant in your house by a way of Christmas tree. There you go. You don't have to overthink it. So just have plants around, flowers, branch cuttings, anything really. If you consider those three categories, you will set a really

Starting point is 00:14:53 fantastic environment. And depending on the kind of gathering, you might consider how you're going to decorate the table or the area where all the food is set up. My one piece of advice for a buffet area, not necessarily the table, but a buffet area, is to create levels. Put different bowls or platters on a stack of books or on a wooden crate or on a cake stand. You can absolutely put everything like on a plate or in a baking dish and have it all on one level on the table. But if you were to pay attention to other events where food was served and it just felt really beautiful, I guarantee the food was set up in levels. It just makes the whole thing really interesting and inviting. And for a table, I will spout the beauty of brown craft paper until

Starting point is 00:15:39 my last breath. Run a length of it down your table, put little candles and a few bud vases or you know, eucalyptus branches around and you're set, honestly. And if you want to go all out on a table setting because that matters to you, please do it. Oh my goodness, please do it. But be sure you let some other stuff go or hand it off to others. You know, again, this is all playing together in what matters for the gathering and for you and why you're hosting. Step seven, troubleshoot. Go ahead and think about what might make hosting your gathering difficult, either before, during, or even in the recovery after. Name it. It could be a relationship. It could be that a recipe is brand new and you're really nervous. It could be that you have little kids and when they get underfoot

Starting point is 00:16:25 and they don't follow your plans, you get real upset and it affects the whole night. That is true of me. Name what might get in the way or cause you to not have fun and then come up with a solution for it now. Troubleshoot. Set yourself up well. This is a step that we never think about and it makes perhaps the biggest difference. So please don't skip it. Step 8, make a game plan. Depending on the type of gathering and how many details there are, this game plan could be really, really simple. But look at what needs to happen. You've already named so many things, right? You've figured out your environment. You have planned your menu. You've named what matters. You've chosen the people, all the different things. So go ahead and give yourself some deadlines on when things should be done. For example,

Starting point is 00:17:08 you need to order your turkey for Thanksgiving. So figure out where you're getting it. Figure out how much you need, like how many pounds you need before you show up at the store the day before Thanksgiving, right? Don't like, how many pounds of turkey do I need for this many people? Don't be looking on the internet when you're in line of Harris Teeter. Like, go ahead and do that now, make a game plan for that now. If you're going to make a playlist, you can do that now while you have time, right? Do the things that aren't tied to a timeline early and get them done so that you have room to do the things that can only be done the day before or the day of, that kind of thing. Again, there are just so many possibilities here, which is why it might feel overwhelming.

Starting point is 00:17:48 But by going in this order, you already know the purpose of your gathering. You've already decided some things you can ask others to bring and offer. You've already figured out what you'll be cooking and eating, which makes it easier to know what needs to be done when. You can go analog with this, digital, put a sticky note in your fridge. It doesn't matter. Just give yourself some markers for hosting again. gathering so that everything is spread out enough over time that you'll have fun and you're not

Starting point is 00:18:15 doing everything like two days before and losing your actual mind step nine two more steps step nine create an order of operations for the day of your gathering this will include things like oven math you guys oven math when certain foods need to go in the oven even what temperature to cook them at i am telling you if you write down on one sheet of paper how long each food needs to cook and at what oven temperature, you will love me forever. Otherwise, you're trying to remember where you got a certain recipe. You're looking up all the things. Is it 350? Is it 450? Is it 4.50? Is it 20 minutes? Is it two hours? You're growing more agitated with each passing moment. Nobody needs that. So create an order of operations now with all of those details that you can think of so that you can

Starting point is 00:19:04 just follow your path on the day of and have a great time. It's also great. It's such a bonus when someone needs to help because they can just look at where you are in your timeline and then just do the next thing. Include things on your timeline like lighting candles, turning on lamps, starting the music, warming up cider, putting on clothes that are not your pajamas. Create an order of operations for the day of your gathering. No detail is too small, you guys, I promise. You might think I'm insane. You might feel insane when it's happening, but I promise you will likely feel far less stressed on the day because everything you need to think through has already been thought through and it's right there in front of you on a piece of paper. It's a delight. And finally, step 10, schedule rest. The day of

Starting point is 00:19:54 or the day after or the weekend after you're gathering, whatever the deal is, please schedule rest. Schedule space to not say words, to sit on your couch and read, to recover from being around a lot of people. Even if you love being around people, sometimes you need a break. And unless you schedule it and build it into the planning, you'll likely just keep going with your life and then find yourself kind of snippy the day after Thanksgiving, for example, because you haven't been intentional about resting from hosting a dozen people all day. So schedule rest. Even if it means like talking with your husband, for example, and thinking through what you both need emotionally from hosting.

Starting point is 00:20:35 then after hosting what needs to be done for the gathering itself so you can like share duties. Maybe you're the cook and he cleans up after the other way around. That's a place you can also troubleshoot, by the way, when you think about rest. Let's say if like you're just wiped once you close the door on the last guest and you just want to physically cry when you look at the state of the kitchen, troubleshoot by starting with an empty dishwasher, by having a sink full of hot soapy water so you can clean as you go all day by using disposable paper goods if that fits the vibe of your gathering so you don't have to worry about it by having someone else do the cleaning for you so you can rest troubleshoot things that keep you from resting and then definitely schedule rest so you're

Starting point is 00:21:21 troubleshooting things that keep you from experiencing the rest but then you also need to schedule the rest itself so you'll do it so to recap if you want to be a lazy genius about hosting anything go in this order. Number one, name your reason to gather. Two, assess who is coming. Three, check your filters. Four, name how people can help. Five, plan the menu. Six, create the environment. Seven, troubleshoot. Eight, make a game plan. Nine, create an order of operations for the day of the gathering. And then 10, schedule rest. This list obviously does. doesn't consider every single thing that might come up for you personally with your gathering, but it'll put you in a great position for whatever does come up.

Starting point is 00:22:11 This is such a great order to start with, and you can fill in other things that you need where they make the most sense. Again, I will put links to several other episodes and resources in the show notes. The best podcast episodes, though, to go along with this, if you just want to scroll down in your podcast app now, number 99, the lazy genius feeds a crowd. 87, the lazy genus guide to flexibility, which is really important when you're hosting something. Number 42, the lazy genius hosts a holiday party. Number 40, the lazy genus navigates family tension. And number 39, the lazy genius hosts Thanksgiving. I also have a post on the site about

Starting point is 00:22:49 food math when you're feeding a crowd. It works like magic, I promise. It's very specifically, well, it's not very specifically. It's mostly geared towards like appetizers, but not always. So check out that post. That'll be in the show notes. And then I will also link to my favorite turkey recipe. It is shockingly easy. It's incredibly delicious. I've had so many people over the years share how it was the best turkey they've ever made. Truly. It's so good. Give it a try. And don't forget to join the mailing list to get this Wednesday's latest lazy letter. Okay, that's it for today. Thank you for listening. Truly, truly, truly. It's always such an honor that you spend time with me here. And until next time,

Starting point is 00:23:29 be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life? Because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it?

Starting point is 00:24:02 I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.

The Lazy Genius Podcast - #130 - The Lazy Genius Guide to Hosting Anything

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