The Lazy Genius Podcast - #142 - Living Without Food Rules

Episode Date: January 27, 2020

Let's play a game. Let's name all of the food rules you've experienced in your life. Yeah...we'll be here a while and we probably won't feel that great after we list them all out. That's why I'm so passionate about talking about living without food rules. We don't need them, y'all. Here's why. Helpful Companion Links I host a secret monthly podcast with my sister on Patreon. You can become a patron by signing up for The Lazy Sisters Podcast here. Here’s The Lazy Genius and Healthy Eating episode if you need a refresher. I’m reading Bill Bryson’s The Body, and it has made me so appreciative of my actual body and how it works. Here’s my recipe for my chickpea bowl lunch that I make almost every week. Two additional resources on intuitive eating are the podcast Food Psych and the Instagram account @no.food.rules. I’m guessing there will be a lot of questions about this, so I’ll definitely be on Instagram this Thursday around noon EST to answer your questions. Download a transcript of this episode.   This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, welcome to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is an episode that comes from the deepest care of you and your personhood. We are going to talk about living without food rules. Now, you might already be reeling how on earth is that possible? There are so many food rules or you're just tired of people talking about like food and body image anyway. I want us to take the next few minutes to think through what life might look like if there weren't any food rules. I think that this matters.

If you are a Patreon supporter, which real quick, Patreon is a way for you to support this show. You can become a patron of the Lazy Genius podcast and keep this podcast going because if you haven't noticed, I don't have ads. Now that doesn't mean I never will. but at this point, I don't. And Patreon helps fit the bill for the show and my time in creating it. So you sign up to become a patron. You give three bucks a month, which is incredibly helpful, even though it might seem really small. And as a thank you for that support, I have a secret show

for Patreon supporters called the Lazy Sisters podcast. My sister Hannah and I record one show a month. It's like a solid hour to an hour and a half long. And we talk about all kinds of kinds of things, but all with the point of being your sisters and keeping you from bad choices. So we talk about building capsule wardrobes and going to therapy and lighting candles and reading books. And there's a lot of laughing because nobody makes me laugh like my sister. And it's also a more unedited, perhaps feisty version of me, which if you're into that, you can maybe become a Patreon supporter and get that show. But I bring it up because on a recent episode of the D.C. Sisters podcast. It might have been the one from December, actually. I went off a little bit on

diet culture. Hannah and I both are on very rich, transformative journeys as we separate ourselves from diet culture. And we're both pretty feisty about it. The more that we learn and experience freedom from the garbage that culture throws at us about what we eat and how we look, we just get real passionate. Which is why I'm talking about. it today. I want you to have freedom. You might not even know that you don't have freedom, but it would be wrong of me to not at least share what I'm learning in case you need the same permission that I did to be free from diet culture and food rules. And since it's the end of January, which is often like, I don't know, a very deep pit for many of us because we set like resolutions

and we have hopes for getting bikini ready or whatever. And maybe it hasn't gone the way we wanted it to and we're down in the dumps about ourselves. I just refuse to let you stay there when you don't have to. So be prepared that this Kendra, mad at diet culture, Kendra, gets real feisty. So just be prepared maybe for me to get a little preachy. I'm not preaching at you. I am preaching for you. This is important.

and I believe very strongly in its importance, which is why I'm giving this topic an entire podcast episode. So you might be wondering first what diet culture actually is. So I would love to define it for you. Diet culture really doesn't have anything to do about being on a diet. You can technically not be on a diet and still live under the code or beliefs of diet culture. So diet culture is basically a belief system. It's an ethos. that says small bodies are better than big bodies, and small bodies are healthier than big bodies. Diet culture tells us that eating a certain way

is the only way to get a small or thin body, and therefore a healthy body, which is better and more ideal than any other kind of body. So certain foods are elevated as healthy and morally better often than others, and the bodies certainly are. are elevated as healthy and morally better than others. There is absolutely a cultural bias around fat people. Fat people are irresponsible. They don't have ambition. They're lazy. They're going to die from all these sicknesses they brought on themselves because they just don't have discipline.

And you guys, none of that is true. Our culture has taught us to believe that, but it's just not true. That's why there's so much conversation around like people who are in bigger bodies who like, Like Lizzo, they're like, she's so brave. And it's like, no, she's not. She's just a person who's in a bigger body. Like, there's no reason to kind of give, like to put a label of bravery on people for just being themselves. So, okay, I could go off on body image and the patriarchy and tons of things is fine. I might actually in another episode. But today we're just going to talk about food rules. Okay. There are so many given to us from diet culture. And we cannot possibly follow. of them all, especially because a lot of them contradict each other, right? So many diets restrict,

so many foods, and often different foods. Even things like Weight Watchers that say you can, you can eat whatever, you just have like points assigned to your food. What that's doing is communicating that certain foods shouldn't be eaten as much as others. And because we can't possibly trust ourselves to make choices for our own bodies, we need a point system to tell us what's what. But you don't. You don't, though. I did an episode about 60 episodes ago, so like well over a year ago, which is crazy, called The Lazy Genius and Healthy Eating. It's episode 81, if you want to listen to it. In that episode, I shared about my experience with what is often called intuitive eating, which is basically eating without rules, and instead of

listening to your body and what it needs. That episode addresses things like intuition versus instinct, why your body is trustworthy, why you need to give yourself more credit than thinking all you'll do is eat ice cream and cheese fries if there were no rules, all of that. It's a good episode. But today I want to specifically imagine what life would be like without any food rules. Rules I can think of off the top of my head. Okay. Sugar is bad, but like so don't eat much or any at all, right? eat mostly plants. Carbs are bad, beans are bad, but also beans like keep you full. Fill your plate with half fresh food. Eat protein at every meal to stay full. Fruits are still sugar. So limit them. Have cheat days so you don't feel like you're deprived. Drink a big glass of water to start the day

or before a meal to fill you up. Eat a handful of nuts before you go to a party so you don't eat things, fried things especially if you're not supposed to eat fried things. Avoid brown things. let's we just won't keep going. Also, just so you know, I have on the schedule to do an episode about kids and picky eaters and food rules as it relates to tiny humans. So just so you know, that's coming soon. I'm reminded of that because of the rule of like finish your dinner if you want dessert, that kind of thing. Okay, there are so many rules. And we could spend, and might actually spend hours thinking about them every day. You might not realize how much energy you're putting into trying to follow all the food rules. But you likely are. It's so exhausting because we eat a lot,

right? There are food rules even about how to do that, like eat small meals and snacks or give your body at least four hours between eating so that it can go through the right chemical process and digest it all or do intermittent fasting. Don't eat after seven o'clock, whatever. Like, again, so many rules that rarely work together. If you, the point is, if you start paying attention to how and why you choose to eat and buy and cook what you do, I think you'll be shocked at how many of those decisions are either driven by trying to comply with food rules or feeling like garbage because you broke one. So can I invite you for the next week or maybe even a day of living without any food food rules? or if that's too scary, simply pay attention to when a food rule comes into your consciousness

as you're making a choice about what you're eating. Now, you're likely wondering if you don't live by any rules, then what is your guiding light here? You know, like what are you listening to to make decisions about what and when to eat? I am so glad you asked your body. You listen to your body. Your body is complex and amazing and different from mine and every other person listening to this, which is why diet culture doesn't work. We all have different bodies and different needs and no rule applies to everyone. It just doesn't. Your body is smart and it is on your side. It wants to function well. It wants to be efficient and fuel you to live your best life. And it's going to tell you how to do that. I have been reading, I'm going to

talk about Bill Bryson again. I have been reading Bill Bryson's book, The Body. I'm obsessed with it. It's just so good. And I have developed such an affection for my body from reading it. The human body is remarkable. The things it does, how it rallies, how it knows what it needs, but can deal with whatever we throw at it that it might not need. It's something else really. And it's not just a shell or a machine. Part of your body is also your brain and what comes from your brain. Like intuition and desire and excitement and joy. Your body is not out to get you. Your brain is on your side. That's its default. But if we listen to cultural messaging, specifically from diet culture that have been telling us our entire lives that we need a flat

stomach and strong arms and no thigh gap and extra energy to play with our kids that's really a cloak for like eating quote unquote healthy foods that still contribute to food rules if we have been getting these messages for so long and comparing ourselves to an ideal standard our entire lives seeing anything less than thinness is settling. I mean, goodness gracious. Our brain has a lot to sort through to get to what's true, to get us to listen to what our body actually needs. So your intuition, hence the term intuitive eating, is your guide, not food rules. Even the most chill food rules still put morality on food. They still create a hierarchy of what's good and what's not. And they still keep us thinking and second.

and guessing what our bodies are asking for. Aw isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life.

You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. If you were to imagine a day without food rules, what might it look like for you? I just want to share, I'll share my day yesterday to kind of give you an idea. So yesterday I drank my coffee in the morning. I use sugar and heavy cream because it tastes better to me. And it brings me so much more pleasure in the experience of drinking coffee than when I used to use Splenda or fat-free half and half, which I don't even understand how that's a thing, but that's fine. I love coffee with cream and sugar. I love it. It brings me such joy. Now, I am already fairly, like, naturally caffeinated. I have a lot of energy. My brain doesn't stop. I have noticed because my

body tells me this, that more than one cup of coffee, especially over the course of just the morning, it makes my brain working a way that doesn't help me. My body tells me this. My body tells me this by I get a headache, my finger shake, I can't take a deep breath. My body has told me many times that one cup of coffee a morning is enough. Now, it is not because coffee is bad or because I'm trying to limit the amount of dairy or I don't need that much sugar or any of that. No, I drink that one cup of coffee that one way, because I like that one cup that one way, and because my body has made it clear to me that more than that cup isn't what it needs or wants. Okay, so moving on from the coffee, I used to follow the food rule of like always eat breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal,

eat something that will fill you up and make you full longer so you're not snacking in the middle of the morning or whatever. I don't do that anymore. I eat breakfast if I'm hungry for breakfast. Sometimes I'm not. Sometimes, maybe the dinner the night before is still like doing its thing. Or maybe the coffee filled me up. Maybe the amount of sleep I got or how my hormones are doing or any number of things could affect whether or not I feel like eating breakfast. But I don't eat breakfast unless I'm hungry for it. I listen to my body. I feel hunger pains. Not anything like I don't wait till it's like crazy and growly, you know, just that like faint wist. of like, am I hungry? And if I am, I eat something. And I, this sounds crazy, but I ask my body,

what should we have for breakfast? I mean, yes, I have to go on like what's in the house, how much time I have, all that. But like, I always get an answer. I do. Yesterday, I asked my body, do we want breakfast? Yes, we do. Cool. What do we want? We want something hearty and filling. Now, that's not always the answer, but it was yesterday. And I thought, okay. And I looked around the kitchen at what I had. When I saw what I had, it was funny. My body was just like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. We want you to toast those two pieces of bread, cook a couple of eggs, grab a piece of cheese, and then some bacon you already cooked that's in the freezer, and we want a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich. Thank you so much. So I took three minutes to put that together,

and then I ate it. And it was so satisfying. And it was exactly what my body needed. Now, was I thinking about the food rules of, like, having protein to start the day? No. Was I worried about the dairy and the cheese? No. Was I bummed that the bread was white and not whole wheat? Zero percent. Was it turkey bacon? Absolutely not. The only reason we're eating turkey bacon is because we have rules around real bacon. Also, to be clear, I am not espousing bacon egg and cheese sandwiches as the best breakfast because it like gives a middle finger to a lot of healthy eating rules. Not at all. Other mornings, I have a smoothie. Some I have a pumpkin chocolate. I have a pumpkin chocolate. chocolate chip muffin, sometimes a hard-bolled egg or cereal or again, nothing at all. No food is better or worse than another. That's the gift of living without food rules. Just eat what your body is asking for

without being overly proud or overly guilty about what that food ends up being. Okay, so then the next time I eat is when I'm hungry. Generally, that's around like typical lunchtime and sometimes it's maybe two hours after breakfast. It all depends on what my body needs that day, and that's okay. I just listen and I do what it says. I want to encourage you again to listen to the episode I already did on healthy eating, mostly so you can think through the difference between intuition and instinct. I know you think that if you just did what your body asked for, you need Orioles all day, but I just don't believe that for a second. That's listening to your emotions only, which is also fine, by the way. Emotional eating is not a big deal in my opinion.

food is emotional. I think that's just another form of a food rule. Food is emotional. It just is. It makes us feel things because food is great. But if we can stop demonizing the emotion behind our choices, we can enjoy what we're eating and not feel like we're in like crisis deprivation mode all the time. Just eat the food that your body is kindly asking for and trust that voice. You don't have to be desperate about it either way. It takes practice. but it is worth it to live without food rules. Okay, so again, back to lunch. I often have, there's a recipe that's actually on the blog called the Chickpea bowl.

It makes my body and my soul so very happy. There is rarely a day where I'm hungry for lunch and I think about what to eat. And my body's like, no, no, the chickpee bowl, that's not going to work. It's like almost always a great choice for me, which is why I have it almost every day. I love it. Okay. going to keep going through the entire day. We're not going to belabor this. But having a life, my point is, having a life without food rules is so freeing and beautiful. I have never felt better

physically or mentally. And I'm not saying do this and you're magically going to look like the way you think you're supposed to look. That's a different conversation. Maybe for next week. The point is not changing your body shape. The point is feeling. good in your body and learning to trust your body and know its signals. For example, I know the feeling in my gut when if I eat that thing that's in front of me or that final bite, I'm just going to feel gross, right? That doesn't mean that whatever I'm eating or thinking about eating is bad. It just means my body has had enough for now or it doesn't want that thing right now. It is not putting some sort of morality on that food and therefore on my choice of whether or not to eat it.

Okay. So I told you I was going to get a little heated. So I just want you to consider living without food rules for just a day, maybe even a week or more, and ignore every food rule you've known and just listen to your body. Giving yourself a short time frame within which to practice this, it has. helps you identify the signals your body is giving you. If you don't pay attention to her language, you will not know what she's saying. And food rules will confuse you and make you think it's your body when it's really diet culture. So just listen. Just listen. Take a little time and listen. Your body is more trustworthy than diet books and food rules. You are complex and nuanced and specific.

Our physical bodies, I mean, obviously they definitely operate in like similar ways. But when you in genetics and hormones, like a ton of other things, we can't all eat the same way by the same rules. Your body knows what's best. It really does. So give it a chance to prove that to you. If there are no food rules, that means you don't have to binge because cookies aren't bad or restricted. It also doesn't mean that you have to feel like self-righteous about eating a salad because salad isn't better than other things. Just eat the salad if that's what your body wants. And if when it comes to the cookie thing, if you feel like a cookie, I just want you to eat a cookie. If you eat one and you still feel like another one, then eat another one. If you eat a third and then you feel like

a little sick or a little fuzzy in your head, that's your body saying, that's your body talking to you. That's your body saying, hey, I think three might have been too many. I'll try and signal you louder next time. Thank you for listening. Like, just listen. Your body beats the food rules. I know it sounds weird, but it's real, y'all. And it does just take practice. This is such a personal topic, I know, with like so many questions, especially if you are deep in diet culture, as we all are. So I want to offer three resources as we end. One is the episode I did over a year ago that I already mentioned. The second resource, if you like podcasts, is the whole podcast, Food Psych. So many episodes, it's hosted by Christy Harrison, who is a registered dietitian.

And it is a show that is, quote, dedicated to helping you make peace with food and break free from diet culture. It is a great listen. She does interviews. She answers listener questions. It's really, really great. And then the third resource is an Instagram account called No Food Rules. But it's with a period in between each of those words. So it's at no. Food.com. It's run by Colleen Christensen. And it is a great account with fantastic graphics

about what it means to live with food rules and without them. So many things about diet culture are really nuanced and tricky. And we don't even see how much control they have over us. And Colleen's Instagram account, it really shines a light on those nuances as she compares life with food rules and without. Again, I realize I get worked up about this, but it is not because I'm trying to throw culture under the bus or make you feel badly for liking salad or for wanting to be healthy all this time or for anything at all. I don't want you to feel badly about anything. But what I do think might be happening is that you're feeling badly about more than you realize because you're living under food rules. And I want more than that for you. I want you to let go of guilt and shame and

confusion and exhaustion around food and your choices. I want you to just live and trust your body. Your body is trustworthy. Your intuition is valuable. And food is one way to experience that value and listen to your body. There are plenty of other ways too. But this is a great place to start since we eat so often. So try it for a day or for a week. Just even just pay attention to where food will show up. Maybe you keep eating still the way you have been based on rules, but just pay attention to how many there are and how often you listen to them. You might not have known there were so many. Then maybe you take a day and eat without them and see what happens. I love my life so much more now that I eat without food rules. I have, I mean, it's just kind of ridiculous actually,

how much freer I feel, how there's so much less stress in my life, because I have, I mean, it's just kind of ridiculous. I have, I mean, it's just kind of ridiculous, I feel how much freer I feel. how there's so much less stress in my life because I'm not constantly thinking about what to eat and how to justify what I'm about to eat or whatever. It's just, it's the best. And I want you to experience the same thing. So I'm guessing there's going to be a lot of questions about this. So I will definitely be on Instagram this Thursday around noon Eastern time to do an Instagram live. I'll answer your questions. So you can join me there at The Lazy Genius. And I have links to all of the resources I mentioned in the show notes. Thank you for letting me get preachy. I do it because I love you. So until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about things that don't.

I'm Kendra and we'll talk more next week. If you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life, it's so dangerous to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You, wherever you get your podcasts.