The Lazy Genius Podcast - #149 - Name What You're Good At

Episode Date: March 16, 2020

Note from Kendra: This episode of The Lazy Genius Podcast was recorded before the majority of changes, postponements, cancelations and recommendations for social distancing due to covid-19 were enacted. Please know that I am thinking of the Lazy Genius community during these uncertain times. Be well. Naming what you’re good at is a simple exercise in being kind to yourself. And to be a Lazy Genius, you need to do that! Your gifts and abilities and ways of seeing and being in the world are significant and have incredible meaning. And when you don’t name what those are, it’s like having a tool that you don’t use. A Few Helpful Companion Links I didn’t mention this specifically in the episode, but Laura Tremaine has an excellent episode exploring what you’re good at on her show 10 Things To Tell You. If you’re not following me on Instagram, I’d love for you to join the party. We’re about to do something really fun where you can chime in about your favorite episodes of The Lazy Genius Podcast. Download a transcript of this episode. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, you're listening to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 149. Name what you're good at. This is going to be a short episode, but these are words I think we all need to hear. Before we get started, I just want to make sure that you're following me on Instagram because we're going to be doing something kind of fun the next couple of weeks related to the podcast actually. So if you are not already following me, I'm at The Lazy Genius. Plus, I have a ton in my story highlights with real-time recipes. I just posted a tour of my closet a week ago, plenty of other stuff. So if you're not on Instagram much or just didn't know that I was,

I would love for you to follow me over there. Again, at the Lazy Genius. Okay, naming what you're good at. Why even ask this question? Why would I even ask you to name what you're good at? because you're too hard on yourself about where you struggle and you likely pay very little attention to where you don't. You don't necessarily name where you thrive and where you're gifted because maybe it feels kind of self-centered to say that or maybe you don't even notice it as a strength or a skill because it comes really naturally. Either way or any of the other ways you might think of naming what you're good at is a simple exercise in being kind to yourself. And to be a lazy genius, you need to do that. You need to be kind to yourself and not just in cutting yourself slack when you mess up.

But also in claiming something you are really good at and not being afraid of how that might sound or seem to other people. Last week was International Women's Day. And I think that a beautiful call to all of us as women or as people who know women, and therefore that's everyone, is to cheer each other on and what we're good at. and champion our friends when they're brave enough to name something that they do well, you can still be humble and be confident. The definition of humble is to not be proud or arrogant. And the definition of confident is to be sure, to have a strong belief and to be bold in that belief. You can do that without being proud or arrogant. You can say what you're good at and live it out without it being all about you. So often the things we're good at affect other people, right?

They enhance the lives of other people. Your gifts and abilities and ways of seeing and being in the world are impactful to the world. It's only when you make your gifts and abilities for yourself, only not considering other people. That's when the arrogance comes in. And I'm fairly certain most of you are not in that category. This is a difficult ask because you're so avoidant of drawing attention to yourself. So this is just a reminder that you can say what you're good at with humility.

You can be confident in what you're good at and not be self-centered. So why does it matter to know what you're good at? What happens when you name and say it? I think not saying anything or not naming it for yourself is like having a really amazing chef's knife in your kitchen and never using it. it's having a tool that you don't use. Now, I realize if you're good at something, you're likely going to utilize that thing in your life. But by not recognizing that it's a gift, that it's a superpower that you bring into situations, you're not going to go to that particular thing first. Let me give you an example of what I mean. Let's say, let's say you're really good at listening. You're really good at

sitting with people in their pain. It doesn't make you uncomfortable. You don't feel compelled to fix anything, you can just be with someone who's hurting. That is an incredible thing to be good at. But if you don't name that is something that you uniquely offer, you might not see it as valuable when a friend's parent passes away. You send a text, you drop off a meal, both of which are amazingly helpful things, by the way, but maybe you see your ability to sit with people in pain as something that's not really valuable because you haven't named it. And the reality is someone who's hurting is often so lonely in their pain but doesn't want to be with anyone who's trying to fix it or make things better or is trying to cheer them up. Now sometimes we need cheering up. That's also a

skill and a gift that you can bring to people. But we all need each other. And I hope that if you are the kind of person who can sit with people in their pain, that you name that as something you are good at. And then use that when situations arise. Open the drawer and grab the tool and use. And you use it without being embarrassed or feeling like you're stepping over a line. I think the more specific we are about what we can bring to a situation, the more confident we can be when it's time to actually do the thing. So one thing that feels important to say about this is that you're good at more than one thing. This is absolutely true of every single person. You're likely good at a number of things. Some are tangible, some are not, but they all count. So here are just a couple of perspectives.

I want you to consider as you name what you're good at and not just think it's like the one thing. The first, knowing and naming what you're good at, it helps you say no to things that maybe you're not as good at. Or if you're one of those people that's kind of good at everything, name the things you're good at that bring you life, that bring life to others and focus on those more. Just because you can do something, this is the point. Just because you can do something, it doesn't mean you have to or even should. and naming helps. Now more specifically, I want you to be specific. Sometimes we are really general about what we're not good at. I'm not good at cooking.

Well, in general, professional cooks are really the only ones who are good at cooking because cooking is huge. It's such a huge category. But when you're thinking about what you're good at, be really specific. You can say, I'm really good at making soup. I make a great lasagna. I'm really good at baking bread. or cooking this particular cookie that I've been baking since I was a kid. Be specific.

The generalities are usually where we beat ourselves up. I'm not creative. I'm not smart. I'm not disciplined. I'm not musical. I'm not athletic. Those are all very broad and easy targets for you to be unkind to yourself. So I think the more specific you are, especially if you're less seasoned and being kind to yourself and saying what you're good at, the easier this practice will be. Specificity helps a lot. So you're good at doing accents and voices when you read or play with your kids. You're good at bringing different ideas together into one plan. You're good at picking the right song for the right moment, even though you can't sing or play an instrument. You're good at making car rides fun. You're good at being genuinely kind to cashiers at stores.

Be specific. The more you name these things that you are good at, the more I think you'll embrace them and even feel more whole and like yourself, which is going to benefit everyone around you. Aw isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art.

I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. Another perspective when you're thinking about this is to be specific to the situation. Think about what you're good at specific to the situation. Let's say you're like me and you just got a flyer from your kid's school asking for volunteers to help with the spring musical. So my son Sam is in show choir at a school.

they've been working on this huge production of Aladdin for months now. So the choices on the parent volunteer flyer were three general times to just come and help and do whatever. Concessions, both providing the food and drinks and then selling them at the performance, selling tickets, doing costumes, and doing set design. Now let's be clear, you guys, Kendra does not sew. Kendra does not really paint. Kendra is creative, but not in the costume set design. kind of way. Knowing, knowing that, it made those two particular choices easy to not make, right?

Like, I'm not, I'm not doing costumes or set design. Now, my husband and I, we both looked at the other options. And Kaz, in particular, is really welcoming. He is so good with new people. He can talk to any stranger. He just makes people feel at home. So guess what he wants to do? Sell tickets. Because, of course, that's a perfect place for him because it's a kind of greeting you know um he's it's like welcoming people in and everyone is a stranger when they walk in the door but not for long because he's going to make them feel excited to come to the play when they buy their ticket from him for me i signed up for an afternoon to volunteer for whatever because i'm a good team player i'm good at making a task feel fun even when it's not um i tend to be good at keeping conversations going especially among people who

don't know each other very well. I don't mind asking stupid icebreaker questions or like not knowing certain people, you know, and still having conversations with them. I don't mind introducing people to each other. I'm good at those things. I'm good in slightly uncomfortable social settings. And I'm good at following directions too. So being part of a random team for a couple of hours on a Tuesday afternoon is actually a really good use of what I'm good at, not just for me, but for the benefit of everyone who's involved as well. So that's what I'm mean by being specific to the situation. You can look at the options of how you can contribute to a social setting when you're wondering, like to a party, to a project, a conversation. Name what thing you're good at

specific to that situation and then do it. Don't worry about the other things as much. You know, don't feel bad that like, well, I should probably do costumes because that feels like, no, if you're not good at sewing and you don't care about costumes, leave that for someone who is good at sewing and does care about costumes and do what you're good at. So be specific about. Be specific about. what you're good at and choose the thing you're most good at based on the specific situation. Now, so all of this might feel like a little silly, a little simplistic, or it might feel like a balm, I don't know, like the sun on your face on a chilly day or a blanket around your cold feet. You know that like deep soul relief we get from certain things? I really want this practice to do that

for you. Name what you're good at and then live into it. There's this weird thing, culture, especially in church culture, I think, if I may say, where if you're not outside your comfort zone, if you're not doing something that you're not good at or comfortable with, it doesn't count as much somehow. Like if it's not a struggle, if you're not suffering, then somehow it doesn't count. And I just want to tell you that that's not true. You were made in a very specific way with very specific gifts and talents and personality traits that your people need. They need your jokes. They need your ability to knit them a blanket. They need your homemade bread. They need your playlist you made just for them. They need your direction. They need your

ability to think through every detail of an event. They need your hugs. I mean, golly day, y'all know people who are just like ridiculously good at giving hugs, right? It's like they were made to give hugs. And I think that's true. I think some people are made to give hugs. I think we are all made to offer specific beautiful things to the world. But until you name them and claim them, which I already regret saying, but here we are, you won't really live into those beautiful gifts. You might hide them or think that they're not valuable or worth anything. And I'm here to tell you that they very, very much are. So that's all. I want you to name what you're good at. If you need help, ask someone you know and love and trust to help you name those things, to bring them out

into the light, but name what you're good at. Be specific. Stop beating yourself up about these general categories of where you're not performing and what you're not good at. Be specific about what you are good at. And then do those things. Offer them to the world as a gift. And you're going to feel more whole and you're going to encourage other people to feel more whole too. And that's it for today. I really hope that you feel encouraged by this. And I am just so glad that you are here as yourself. and whatever that means, whatever you bring to this space, I'm just really grateful. So until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next week.

Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that, more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life, because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves.

Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.