The Lazy Genius Podcast - #150 - A Pep Talk for Being Stuck

Episode Date: March 23, 2020

These are weird, scary, surreal times, but, honestly, I am grateful for how this global crisis has already affected how we see. Here are five things to remember when you’re stuck at home…or maybe when you’re just stuck. People and Resources Mentioned in This Episode The Incomparable Mister Rogers, who tells us to look for the helpers Seth Godin, who reminds us the ocean is made of drops Ralph Waldo Emerson, who encourages us to scatter joy Ingrid Fetell Lee, who wrote the book Joyful Myquillyn Smith aka The Nester, who asks us what we will wish we would have done when this is all over (here’s a link to get on her email list) And as Emily P. Freeman reminds us, let’s do the next right thing in love. Download a transcript of this episode. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi there. You're listening to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 150. It feels appropriate to have a number like 150 land on an episode and a world like today. But here we are. Today is a pep talk for being stuck. For those of you listening to this in the faraway future, you dug this out of the ground and are studying, you know, ancient modern civilizations. We are on the front end of a worldwide pandemic. At least it's the front end of where I am in the U.S. I got an email from a longtime lazy genius follower named Natalie who lives in Italy where things are more progressed, far more progressed than they are here. So it's different across the world. But we are in a time where things change so quickly just from one day to the next. I'm recording this on a Thursday before the Monday that it releases, and it's crazy to think how many things could change in the U.S. and the world in four days. So these are weird, scary,

surreal times. But honestly, I think this is a pep talk that's valuable in situations outside of this one. But I am grateful for how this global crisis has already affected how we see. So today I want to give you five things to remember when you're stuck. stuck at home, stuck emotionally, any kind of stuck. First, you don't have to make everyday amazing. We feel this pressure during the summer, during holidays, even during times we like broke a bone and are stuck on the couch or when we're self-isolating and socially distancing during a global pandemic. We feel this weird pressure to make everything count, to make every day amazing. There's an activity or something to check off or some memory being made. It's a shame that this world of optimization, it also

trickles into times in our lives when optimizing is kind of the least important thing. As a lazy genius, we're lazy about things that don't matter. Right now, it's likely that optimization making everything count really does not matter. The chances are good that we're all going to be in this type of lifestyle for a while. We have time. And if you try and make every day amazing, you will lose your mind so quickly. That could have already happened, actually. But start again. A new day does have new possibilities. Yes. But those possibilities don't have to be color coded or within some kind of theme. If that helps you and gives you life, do it. But if it doesn't, if you're just trying to organize and categorize these days

because you think you're supposed to, or because you feel the pressure to make every day amazing, I invite you to stop. You don't have to make every day amazing. It's fine for days to be unamazing and ordinary. And in fact, ordinary days are their own kind of amazing. So take the pressure off. Second thing, you don't have to be amazing every day. In this current situation, This is uncharted territory. Most of us have never lived something like this. And we're likely going to keep living it longer than two weeks. It could be months. I don't know. And if you start expecting yourself to handle it well every day, to be the most patient mom ever every day, to understand your feelings every day, you'll likely hit a dark, frustrated place pretty

quickly. You don't have to be amazing every day. You don't have to have all the answers. You don't have to make all the plans. You don't have to get through a day without crying for it to feel like you're doing okay. This is weird. This is hard. This is scary even. I want to invite you to be yourself every day. Say what you need. Offer what you can. And remember that you're allowed to be fully 100% human and conflicted and confused and also joyful and hopeful. We forget that we're allowed to contain multitudes. You being you, being honest about where you are, being gracious with who you are is amazing and important. Do that. Don't try and win the award for like best quarantine mom because your rubric for that is likely kind of janky anyway. You think it means like having stuff

ready to go and being peppy and anticipating every single need around you all the time. That sounds really hard. I just want you to know that you. You just want you to know that you. You're you can have ordinary days too. You can be an ordinary mom or wife. And that can still be amazing because you are amazing and exactly who you are. And mom and wife are not the only classifications here, by the way. I realize that, again, we contain multitudes. Some of you are neither mom nor wife. I know many of these listeners are. But whatever you are, whoever you're in contact with, whoever you're not in contact with. Be who you are and know that who that is is amazing even when you don't feel it. Third thing, look for the helpers. We all love this word from Mr. Rogers that in hard,

confusing times where we might feel scared and super confused, we can look for the helpers. It's a lens that makes a difference. You can look for the helpers when you watch the news, obviously, when you venture out to the store to get food, when you sit on your front steps and see your neighbors on their front steps, when you open Instagram, when you look around your own home, look for the helpers, look for ways your people are there for each other and helping each other and affirm those things. I think we all need a kind word right now, but even in any circumstance of being stuck, kindness always goes a long way. So be generous with your kindness. with your kind words and affirm the helpers in whatever ways you can.

Aw isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcast. fourth scatter joy this is a phrase from Ralph Waldo Emerson I actually have it inscribed on a mug that I drink from most mornings I love the idea that joy can be scattered that it can be recklessly thrown around the room into the world

and it makes a huge difference for the scatterer and the scattered I actually just read an email from this morning from Seth Godin where he said the ocean is made of drops. And I think that concept of drops, which I think of when I hear the word scatter, it's many little things. That image is incredibly powerful during times when we're stuck. Big sweeping moves and plans and gestures feel like the win. Because we can see it maybe. It's somehow more tangible and more meaningful because big things make a big impact. But really, and especially during times when we're stuck, whether it's emotionally or quite literally in our own house, the drops, the scatters, the small steps, those are what make the biggest difference. So scatter joy

in your home. Be generous with things that make you and your people come alive. If you are looking for a good read during these times, especially one that you can sort of come in and out of pretty quickly. Sometimes fiction books, you know, it's hard to just like read a page and stop. Nonfiction is a little easier. I have mentioned this book before. I mentioned it in a recent latest lazy letter, but the book, Joyful by Ingrid Fettel Fettel, Fettel, Lee is beautiful. It is so amazing. It's one of my favorite books of the year. She basically breaks down what joy is, like scientifically, almost, into ten different factors. It turns out that bubbles, For example, which we are using often at our house these days, are made up of several joyful factors.

They're round. Round shapes are more joyful than things with edges. There's something about being airy and light. There's another concept that's about sort of transparency and like being ethereal kind of. I don't remember the exact wording. But I will say that after reading joyful, I see the physical representations of joy more, like in bubbles. And this might be a really solid time to start like not only learning. about joy, but how to actually create it in your space and actively scatter it wherever you are. And finally, fifth, do what you'll wish you would have done. My friend and our favorite home guru, the Nestor, said this on her Instagram and in her newsletter, which I highly recommend, by the way, both things. She doesn't send out many emails, but when she does, they're like,

so solid. But she said the following. One question I've asked myself about this unique time in history. is when I look back on this time, what will I wish I would have done? And then I try to do that thing. What a simple, beautiful approach to our time during the strange, kind of scary season of being stuck. My husband keeps saying that we're living history right now. This is a massive thing we're going through. And I think the truth is that we've barely begun. I have a book coming out in less than five months. And I have no idea if I'll be able to travel to share about it, if we can have a party together, because we might not be able to gather in large groups yet. It is so bizarre to think that the world can so quickly change in such drastic ways. This is a time we'll remember. We are living

history. It could very well be a mark in the timeline of like before coronavirus and after coronavirus. So rather than spinning our wheels about what things could look like and falling into the fear of that, I love this approach instead. Do what you'll wish you would have done. I will wish I had documentation of this time. So we pulled out a notebook and are going to write in it as a family. Now as of this day, this Thursday before the Monday you might be listening, all that's been written is a Dachi family coronavirus adventure. nothing else because it feels, I don't know, kind of ordinary to write down like we did school together and then we this and then we that and it feels the same as every day before as the last few

days. But I will want those ordinary repetitive words down the road. So I'm going to start writing. I'm going to encourage the kids to start writing. I'm going to do what I'll wish I would have done. I'm going to put away that drive that I very much have to optimize, which. which in regular life tends to keep me on my phone, aware of what's happening almost everywhere about my home. It tempts me, that sense of optimization, it tempts me to take shortcuts and things so that I can get more done. But this time feels like the best permission to slow down

and do what we'll wish we would have done. Bake bread, lay in the grass, and look at the clouds for longer than we have before. read together as a family. Go on walks. Light more candles. Take our time. That's the thing that's hit me the most in these first few days of being home with my family. There's no reason to rush. We have so much time in front of us to the point where it can be overwhelming. How are we going to manage this? How are we going to make it? This is so hard. And it is hard. It is. But one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and our people, is to slow down and do what we wish we would have done. We can take advantage of this slow time.

We can scatter joy in the midst of it. I see, I'm just loving like these artists and singers and makers, all kinds of people sharing joy with the world from their couch, you know, and it's just beautiful. Seeing people, you know, sing together from their balconies in Italy. It's just, it's incredible. You don't, and here's the thing, you don't have to do an Instagram concert from your living room like John Legend did to scatter joy and notice the gift of what this slowing is doing for us. I'm not trying to silver lining this situation. I don't want any of these words to feel like I'm downplaying the devastation that this virus is causing. Ignoring the reality isn't what we're after. We can engage in the reality of being stuck in this situation,

or being stuck in any variety of situations, we can engage the reality and choose to act within it with joy and slowing. I feel like when we look back at this time, those things will matter. In fact, like, I'm already feeling changes in my body and my soul from this slowing that I want to keep with me even after the crisis has settled.

We can be the best of humanity, even in our own kitchens, and living rooms and front porches by releasing the pressure to make every day amazing, by letting ourselves be ourselves instead of also being amazing, by looking for the helpers, looking for the people who scatter joy and then joining in and doing what will wish we would have done when we look back on this time, one day at a time. As Emily P. Freeman says, better than anybody else, just do the next right thing.

We will get to practice this together, and it is a beautiful invitation. It's a scary time, but a beautiful invitation. So be well, my friends. Thank you for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.