The Lazy Genius Podcast - #168 - How to Go Back to School

Episode Date: July 27, 2020

Transitioning from summer to school routine is a legitimate thing, but this year? Well, clearly we don’t have to say a lot about this year. So how do we go back to school when we don’t even know what that looks like? Helpful Companion Links Preorder The Lazy Genius Way and get the entire Lazy Genius Library for free just for preordering. Details here! Previous episodes that are Back to School adjacent: What Does It Mean To Take Care of Yourself?, The Lazy Genius Works From Home, and Plan Your Opening Ceremony. Download a transcript of this episode. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey there. Welcome to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today, well, today is the episode we have all been waiting for how to go back to school. So in a regular year, it's an important question. Like still, transitioning from summer to school routine, it's a legitimate thing. But this year, I mean, well, clearly we don't have a lot to say about this year. So how do we go back to school when we don't even know what that looks like? So our county, like where I live, still doesn't have answers, like as of recording this. There are ideas and possibilities and scenarios, but nothing that's definite yet.

So how in the world do we plan for possibilities? How do you figure out what to do when the situation could change? Plus, the way it'll be for the first half of the school year, it might not stick around for the second half. It's just all so unknown and it's different for all of us depending on where you live. And I feel it too. Just because I have lazy genius principles and I like try and come up with systems and permission to help you in difficult situations, that does not mean this is easy. No matter what you leave this episode with, no matter how helpful it is, hopefully,

this is still a really hard situation. I think when things are challenging, we assume that solutions take the challenge away. And that's just not always the case. The harder the situation, the more we crave solutions to solve the problem, right? To make it disappear. But that's just not reality. So not to be an eore right out of the gate, but I think we all need to prepare ourselves for this season being a difficult one. we will do our best to focus on what matters in our own lives and maybe even create some systems

to support it. But even when that's in place, be kind to yourself. This is a hard season. It's normal for you to not know what to do next sometimes. It's normal for you to feel overwhelmed. It's normal for you to want to throw out every system that you created and start from scratch when things get hard. But rather than do that, remember that feeling that way is normal, right? We try and make changes to get rid of that feeling to stop the feelings of overwhelm and stress and fear over what's happening around us. We try and uproot everything that's sort of working to get rid of that feeling. But if we name that those feelings are normal and maybe even okay. We won't try so hard to get rid of them when things feel hard. I feel like that will be a really important aspect to surviving going back

to school and being in school these next few months. The upside downness within yourself is normal and you cannot systemize it away. Okay, so now what? That's all well and good, I guess, but it would be nice to have some tangible approaches to these next few weeks and months, am I right? All right. So let's see if we can create, I don't know, maybe not a path because everybody's different, but at the very least, an entrance into making some decisions for your back-to-school journey. Okay. I think the best place to start is honestly what we just said. We need to remember that this is a season. One of my favorite lazy genius principles is to live in your season. We try and cram one season into the shape of another, and it just doesn't

work. We're cranky and discontent, and we burn every system that's in our path, because we're just mad about it. So that's where we need to start. Just live in your season. Okay, so next step. Decide what matters. We will not camp out here for long, because y'all know this real well, but with all of the unknowns in front of us, it is important to name what matters. There are certain things we won't know until we have more details about how the school year is going to work and whether like my kids will be home, for example, whether your kids get accepted into an online school that they applied for, whether or not you decide to just homeschool this year so that at least you'll be in charge of things. You know, there's like, there are lots of things we don't know yet

about the school year because we're waiting for someone else or for our own decision making. But even with those unknowns, there are some larger things. things that we can name that are important that matter, no matter what the circumstances around it are. Okay. So what are those things? How do you figure those things out? I think there are two categories to consider here. Category one, what matters about the transition from summer to school? And category two, what matters about education and the school experience in general? Because those might have two different answers, right? So it's good to put a distinction there. So it's the transition, but it's also then after the transition, what comes after it. Then for each of those categories,

I want you to think about the people involved. Let's start with your kids, because obviously if you don't have kids, you're likely not listening to this episode in the first place. So we'll just start with your kids. What matters to your kids about the transition from summer to school? And then what matters to them about the school experience in general after it? Is it social interaction? Is it variety every day? Consistency every day. Do they need a strong goodbye to summer? Or do they need to embrace as much of the summer vibe as they can for as long as they can? The answers are different depending on your life and your kids. But ask, ask the questions. What matters to your kids, both in the transition and in the coming experience.

Okay, so that's what matters to your kids. What also, what matters for your kids? So this is likely going to come from you, not from them. What matters for your kids in the coming school experience? Maybe they wouldn't say that they hope they don't hate school by December, but you might. You might say that for them. You might want to make sure that however school goes,

something that matters is that education is interesting and engaging and it's not boring and that they are still like mostly okay by the time December comes right and again there are lots of possible answers to this that's just one example but what matters for your kids next what matters for you as their mom or dad or caregiver or whatever however you are connected to your kids so in relationship to the kids, what matters to you about both the transition and the coming experience? So for me, I don't want to take my frustration about the situation out on my kids. It's not their fault that they probably won't go to actual school every day for a while at the very least. But sometimes I treat them like it is. I treat them like it's their fault,

which isn't it great. That's not great. I don't want it to be. that way. That matters to me. You know, like not holding them responsible for the inconvenience in my own life. That matters to me. So name what matters to you in relation, in relationship to your kids. And then finally, what matters to you as a separate human from your kids? Things like rest, getting your own work done, having an hour to yourself every day in some form just to rest or run or read or whatever. You're not just a mom or a caregiver. You're a whole person.

And while being a parent or caregiver is a pretty big slice of that pie, it's not all there is. And it's normal and good for you to name what matters to you as a whole, not just to see you as, not just you as a mom, right? All right. So if you have a spouse or a partner or you share the care of your kids with someone else, ask them to name what matters to them. them in the same way. So once you have all that info, and it could be like you write stuff down, you kind of journal some stuff, maybe it already has just popped into your head. You've just chosen

like one or two things. But once you have that info and you put words to it, you name it, right? You put words to the stuff that's just floating around in your head. You'll have a much clearer picture of what to be a genius about and what you can just let go. All right. Now, if your list is super long. I would like to invite you into another lazy genius principle to go in the right order. If your list is long, you will likely see all of the things on it, on that list, holding equal weight. But that is not a realistic approach. If you try and be a genius about every single one of those things, you probably won't be able to give much genius energy to any of them. So you go in the right order. The idea of the right order is to start with like start with one thing that will make like

such a big splash that will impact things in such a deep way that if the other stuff on the list doesn't happen, that it'll like more or less be okay. Maybe not ideal, but certainly okay. Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa, whether it's Verde, Roja or the orange one. For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flame thrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habaniero? More like habanier, yes. Save the everyday with Amazon. Aw, isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner.

host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. So for example, if you want to prioritize

an engaging educational experience at home, okay, alongside a predictable routine for everyone, and then also alongside that you want to teach your kids to tend to themselves for two hours a day so that you can get a jump on your own work or do stuff that keeps the house running or your soul at rest or whatever it is. Okay. Now trying to be a genius about all three of those things at once, it could be tricky. In fact, if they're all equal, they might fight each other a bit and what's

most important. So choose the one, choose the one thing that will make the other two things fall into place a bit more. So if you prioritize an engaging educational experience at home, it could be that the kids feel pretty stimulated and fulfilled and are more likely, kind of naturally inclined to do their own thing after and be creative or content on their own, you know, because their brains have been engaged. And then maybe the routine is less important because when they're stimulated and curious and have fun with something, the routine just isn't as necessary. Or the routine of those three, it might be the most important thing. That might be your one thing. Because even if school is kind of a drag, the fact that it happens in a similar

way at a similar time each day or has like a similar reward or experience at the end or next thing up or whatever, it makes up for a lack of exciting curriculum, right? Again, it really just all depends on your life and your family, on the personalities of your kids. So when you have your list of what matters, really like really pull the one thing that will make the biggest impact. Don't ignore the other things, but don't try and give equal genius footing to all. the things or you're going to spin yourself into a tizzy. Okay. And then finally, after you go on the right order, I want you to essentialize. That's the final lazy genius principle that we'll use today. To essentialize means to name what matters, which you've already done, to remove what's in the way

of what matters, and then keep only what is essential to what matters, like what the essential things that support what matters. So if you want a calm schooling environment, let's say that's a priority. Remove what gets in the way of that. Let's say you always fold laundry on the kitchen table. But now that's where your kids do their schoolwork three days a week. You need to find a new place for laundry, right? It's not supportive of what matters. It's not supportive of a calm schooling environment for your kid to do their addition worksheet next to a tower of towels, right? so if it's not supportive to what matters, it's not essential and you move it somewhere else. What if what matters is having like three hours to like for you, three hours for you to bust out some

writing or do your job that you have to do from home now. Okay. So at this point, I am a, I'm the parent at home with the kids and I also have a job. So it's a lot. Now it really matters that I get my work done every day and that I have a chunk of time to do that. You know, like that three hours is important. Even though I could feel way more, asking for way more might not work right now. Now, I could take a couple of approaches to this. Forgive me for the callous choice of words here. But if I need to remove what does not support my work, that means I need to remove my children.

It is really hard to get anything done when they're in the house, let alone the room. so I can do that by hiring a high school student who's also doing school at home to hang with my kids a few mornings a week. Or if hiring somebody isn't in the cards because of money, do a kid switch with another family, right? You might have already merged COVID bubbles with another family at this point. So see if there's a way to swap kids and time. Even if it's not for work, like just go take a nap. It's fine. But another way that I can remove what is. essential when it comes to working from home is taking out things that are distracting from my work. Like turn the desk towards the window instead of the room that has the laundry to put away.

Choose one playlist to listen to every time I sit down so that I don't waste five precious minutes trying to find the perfect background work music. Remove distractions that don't support what matters and then keep only what's essential to that. Now listen, I really wish that I had like an easy answer for you, you know, like a paint by numbers formula of how to handle this next year. But like I've said for years at this point, I don't know your life. You know your life. You know what you need way better than I do. And trying to give you like really specific rules and structures that don't take into account what matters to you, it makes no sense. It would not serve you well. However, giving you some perspective and some questions to ask and some principles to apply

so that you can build your own system, that's great. Now, I get it. It takes more work on your part. It also does not make for a very sexy podcast title because I cannot solve anything for you. but I can give you tools to come up with solutions yourself and then they'll likely actually work. But remember though, this is a hard season. Your solutions will only take you so far. So be kind to yourself when you hit your limit and you feel like burning it all down, burning it all down because you will. You will feel that way. Like when you let the kids go feral, when your toddler knows how to navigate Netflix better than you do, remember that all of that is normal. and it isn't necessarily an indicator that you're doing anything wrong.

This is just really hard. It sucks, but it's also okay. So live in the season. Be kind to yourself. Let people in. Let people into your life. Ask for help. Offer help.

Name what matters. Go in the right order and essentialize. Okay. So by the way, all of those principles are in my book, The Lazy Genius Way that releases in two weeks. That was crazy. It is available August 11th.

But if you pre-order by the 10th, you get the entire lazy genius digital library for zero dollars. It's usually $112 if sold altogether, but for the next two weeks, it's zero. If anything I said today resonates with you, truly, you will not regret in the slightest pre-ordering this book and getting those freebies. This way of life, this lazy genius approach, it doesn't always have quick fixes, but it does have quick lenses that help us see more clearly than we did before. And when you see more clearly, you're able to make decisions that actually serve you, not reactionary decisions that you'll eventually undo because they were made under duress, right? So there's a link in the show notes for the book, or you can go to the lazy genius collective.com

slash book and pre-order from wherever you'd like to pre-order, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, your local bookstore, get it on audio, whatever you'd like. And then you'll go to that website, the lazy genius collective.com slash book, and let us know that you pre-ordered. You'll scroll down to a place that says to get your pre-order bonuses, and you'll enter in your order information so that we can send you the lazy genius digital library in your inbox. You have to do that part. You actually have to claim the bonuses and tell us that you ordered, or we have no way of knowing and sending you your free stuff.

Okay. That is it for today. You're doing great, y'all. You really are. We've been doing it for the last, like, five, six months. And even though we thought it would be a little bit more normal right now, at least I did at the very, very beginning, it's not. And we can keep going, right?

one day at a time. So be kind to yourself, be kind of your kids, be kind to your spouse that processes the world differently than you do. We are all in this together and it's going to be okay. Thank you so much for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I'll see you next week. If you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life, it's so dangerous to to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life, because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough.

Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.