The Lazy Genius Podcast - #186 - A Pep Talk for Not Knowing

Episode Date: November 30, 2020

There is so much we don’t know. So today on this Monday after Thanksgiving and this final day of November, I think we could all use a short little pep talk and a way to start small with all of this not knowing. Stuff Mentioned Here’s where you can find all of my Spotify playlists, including the nine holiday-themed ones I made last year Sign up to receive the Latest Lazy Letter, which goes out this Wednesday The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman (p.s. her guided companion journal comes out in January!) Download a transcript of this episode This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey there, you're listening to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 186, a pep talk for not knowing. I am weary from all the not knowing. I'm weary from this last Thanksgiving weekend that looked nothing like it ever has. I'm weary from months of living in what feels like a time loop with no end in sight. I'm weary of wondering if my kids are going to go back to school the first week of January like they're supposed to. I'm weary of a contested election and all that it is requiring of us as a country and in our personal relationships. I'm weary wondering if I'm going to get this second book written in this ridiculous 10 week timeline when everything around me feels uncertain. I'm even weary of not knowing whether or not we're really going to have an actual college basketball season, which is one of the delights of my life, there's just so much we don't know. So today on this Monday after Thanksgiving and this final day of November, and side note,

my middle son's ninth birthday, happy birthday, Ben. I think we could all use a short little pep talk and a way to start small with all of this not knowing. So first, what do we know? what do we know if we're worried if we're in this place of like not knowing what what do we know my list of what i don't know and what's overwhelming me because of what i don't know is so long that sometimes it's all i can see the small but mighty move to counteract that is to name one thing i do know and then maybe another and another I remember hearing Oprah talk about that all those years ago, you know, like, what do you know to be true? Truth is an anchor to us.

So name something you know that you can be sure of. Your list is your list and my list is mine. We don't have to have the same one. You don't have to have the same one as your sister or your friend or your neighbor. Like for me, one of the things I know that helps me is that I'll always have music, which has like big time self-indulgent artist vibes. But also as I say that, like side note, I think we often label artists as self-indulgent

when really they're just moved to speak about their art with confidence. Like we don't always have confidence in the space that we take up just as humans. So when an artist does it, we kind of pop them into a stereotype and move on. But I think that we can really learn something from people who see the world this way. So removing that stereotype, or that quick judgment on the sentence, like there will always be music. I'm going to say, because I'm not going to fall into that stereotype. I'm actually going to say that it is something that I know and that I'm glad that I know.

Because if you've been here for any amount of time, you know that I love music, like more than just about anything that's not like a human. I have a ton of playlists. I share album and song recommendations on Instagram all the time and in the latest lazy letter that goes to the email list. In my real life, I talk. with friends about music, like constantly. When I'm sad, I listen to music, when I'm happy I listen to music. It is just such a reset for me. It's so important. And I know I will always have it.

Like even in the worst circumstances where my internet goes out and I can't get to Spotify, I have my record player. If my record player breaks or the power goes out, we are a musical family and we have a piano on a couple of guitars. And if my house burns down, I can still sing, which sounds like the beginning of like a Mary Oliver poem, but naming what I know and then taking it to the extreme, even still, that shows me that there are certain things I know that I can count on, even when there's so much around me that I don't know. Like, no matter what happens, music can be close by and it can help me deal with these days of unknowing so much better than if I didn't have music. Again, it's kind of a long-winded, slight. dramatic example. But the point is, you get to decide what you know, what can anchor you, what makes you take a deeper breath, even when there's so much around you that you do not know. So name what you know. The second thought in this little pep talk is to remember that just because you don't know something doesn't mean you have to know it right now. Not everything is on

a timeline. There are things that can't be known or solved or figured out. Or maybe they need a much longer season of unknowing before the knowing can make any sense. Aw isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of awe, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. In Emily P. Freeman's book, The Next Ray Thing, which I love so much, she talks about waiting and how darkness and time and unknowing is often part of the waiting. She likens it to

burying a seed hoping it will grow because seeds don't just need light right they start out needing darkness and for us sometimes darkness equals unknowing and uncertainty but darkness is actually good too in her book emily says am i allowing the darkness to do what the darkness does best cover protect and grow so maybe Even in all of this not knowing, we can see it as covering protection and growth. I know that I've grown this year in ways I might not even be able to name until years from now. And even that unknowing feels a little overwhelming. Like I can't even characterize my own growth during a season of growth.

If I can't name it, did it even happen? Does it even count? And the answer is yes. Naming things is super powerful, but it's also okay if the name is undemps. known, which is why I say that not everything is on a timeline or at least the one that we created. Just because we don't know doesn't mean we have to spend a bunch of energy trying to know or that we even ever will. Some things are just going to remain unknown, which sucks and sounds a little bit like Matthew McConaughey and his time is a flat circle. But accepting that as a possibility,

it lets me release a little bit of control, at least for a moment of what I'm trying to grip tightly and make work. It's acceptance, I guess, accepting that we might not ever know, which takes the pressure off of trying to know. Finding reasons and wise and grand plans, it feels like a good use of our time until we do it and then we don't have an answer and then we feel annoyed at all of it. So maybe just for today and all the not knowing that is in front of you, you and I can let go of trying to Da Vinci's code this thing. We don't have to be code breakers. We can just be people living one day at a time, one hour at a time, taking small steps towards what matters to us, towards what we know to be true. We can live in this season of not knowing

and be kind to ourselves when we're mad about it or overcome with sadness over it or we take out this collective trauma that we're in on our kids or the guy who cuts us off when we're driving. You know, like we're not code breakers. We don't have to be codebreakers. We can just be people who happen to be in a season of not knowing very much. So name what you do know and then release the expectation that you're knowing is on a predictable timeline. Instead, just be a person, not a codebreaker, one thing at a time. so often we think that letting go is going to leave us untethered even more that we won't have anything to hold on to, right? That if we don't know what school for our kids is going to look like

in January, that everything is falling apart. That if we don't know who we're going to see at Christmas time and can't figure it out right now that Christmas is shot, that if we just found out that someone we had contact with got a positive COVID test and now we have to quarantine, and have no idea what that life is going to look like, that everything is the literal worst. Now, it might feel that way, and that's okay. That's very, very valid. But in those moments and seasons of deep unknowing and the stress around it, there's actually more freedom in letting go of trying to figure it out and just holding space for what you do know to be true. Holding to what matters, to who matters.

and to the reality of the season that you're in, letting it teach you, instead of seeing it as something that's simply there to just make your life miserable. It's okay to not know. In fact, I think it can be a pretty amazing, annoying, but amazing practice and showing yourself that you can do hard things. You cannot know and you can still make it. One day at a time. You can do this. You are doing this. We are doing this. We are doing this. So let today be today, release your need to be codebreakers, and just be people who give and receive love and who focus on what matters. So all the best to you in that today. Thank you for being here and for listening.

And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra, and I will see you next week. If you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life, it's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch.

I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you.