The Lazy Genius Podcast - #210 - How to Lazy Genius Kids’ Screen Time

Episode Date: May 17, 2021

It’s here, you guys, it’s here! This is such a highly requested topic, and I think now that we’re about to go into summer, we could use some perspective on how to approach this ever-present topic. So I have three perspectives and then a few ideas for house rules when it comes to your kids and screen time. Helpful Companion Links Check out The Lazy Genius Way (affiliate link) if you’d like to read more about how I use Lazy Genius principles every day. Here’s the episode on chores for kids from a few years ago. Instagram is where I hang out the most online, so I’d love for you to join me over there @thelazygenius. Download a transcript of this episode.   This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

One day, you're negotiating with suppliers. The next, you're installing a shelf in the back room. Running a business means moving in many directions all the time. TD's new small business banking accounts are built for how your business moves. It's how we're making banking more human. Hey, you guys, welcome to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't.

Today is episode 210. How to Lazy Genius Kids Screen Time? It's here, you guys. It's here. This is such a highly requested topic. And I think now that we're about to go into summer, we could use some perspective on how to approach this very ever-present problem. So I have three perspectives and then a few ideas for house rules when it comes to your kids and screen time. First thing, there is not one correct approach to this. We think there is, but there really isn't. There's no universal rule or approach or time limit or any of it. There have been. There have been. seasons of my life, particularly when I was pregnant with my middle son Ben, and Sam was not even two years old yet. And I was so tired. Sam was and is a very high energy kid. He can like run circles around his own circles. And I just couldn't do it. I just didn't know how to spend my days because I was sick. I was so tired. I couldn't get up off the couch a lot of days. And we would like read and we'd try and play on the floor and all things. But that just wouldn't last very long. So Sam,

watched a lot of TV that year, simply because I didn't have another option. I could not see another option. And that is okay. So just go ahead and remove the expectation that there is one way to do this, that there is a right or wrong way. You get to decide what matters based on your own kids, on your own personality, and on your own stage of life. Sometimes seasons last a year. Sometimes they last a few days, like if you're sick and your kids are not. And it's just a short season of being like, okay, they're going to watch a lot of screens. So please start there. And also start there when you're talking to other caregivers too. Like we're already, we're already kind of on like high alert, right? When it comes to like making bad parenting choices. And we don't need to add to anyone

else's insecurities by questioning or doing that like, wow. when someone says how long their kid is on the iPad, right? Let's just release that. I think it'll just be kinder for everyone. So remember, there is no one correct approach to this. A second thought is that you want to use screen time to fill your own bucket. That is so, so important. The reason I think a lot of us are so sad when kids screen time is over, or like when they ask for it again, and again and we're like, fine, go ahead. It's because we're not full. We're not even halfway full.

We're not taking advantage of time where we don't have to be directly engaged with our kids by being directly engaged with ourselves. So it is so important for you to name what you want out of your kids screen time. Like, what's the point? When do you need the time? Start with your own needs. They probably don't care when they get it. So pay attention to you.

pay attention to if you want to make dinner on your own, right? And maybe you want them to do screen time during that. Or maybe you want them to help you make dinner. And so they're going to do screen time a different time. Like doing it during dinner doesn't make any sense. So what do you need? And when do you need it? Use your kid's screen time wisely for you. Don't just do it when other people tell you to do it. Decide what makes sense for you. And a third perspective is particularly for, it right now. Summer could be a great chance to reset or restart your approach to screen time. If you are in a rhythm that you would like to change, we're starting a new season on the calendar, likely without school. So usually that's a really good time to start again with what matters

most now. So if you are in that place of resetting, I want to encourage three things. Make it clear, make it collaborative, and write it down. So make your screenings. So make your screenings. time rules or, you know, guidelines or whatever you're going to call them, make them clear. Make them clear for your kids. It will help them know the deal, right? And then it will keep you from losing your mind every time they ask if they can have screen time. The rule is clear. It's clear. Next, make it collaborative. Depending on your kids' ages, if you're moving into summer and are trying to name some things about screen time, ask your kids what they think. Like name for them that they love screen time. But that's also not the only thing that they love.

So ask them if they have ideas of how to approach it or what house rules might work. Bring them into the conversation. And then finally, write it down. Once you know your house rules, write them down. So the other day, oh my gosh, the other day I went into my oldest room where he was supposed to be doing his math homework. Granted, he had done it. He had finished.

But I found him playing a math computer game on his school computer. Now, one of our only screen time rules, it's like the biggest one. is ask first. Just ask first. I don't want them sneaking. And sometimes what they ask for, I might say yes to. Like, it's, I'm not a tyrant or anything. So I just say ask first. It's a very simple rule. And we repeat it all the time. And yet he was still playing. Now, you might be thinking, well, yeah, he was hiding. But here's what's crazy is when I asked him when I was like, hey, Sam, what's our only real rule about screen time? He guessed like four or five things that were not at all. ask first. And he has lost a lot of screen time in the past as a consequence for not following that

rule. So we talk about it all the time and he still forgot. We didn't write it down. Writing it down helps, making it visible somewhere where they see it. It's going to make things a lot easier for you and your kids. Okay. So there's no single way to do this. Let's recap. You need to use your kid's screen time to intentionally fill your own bucket. And you can reset this summer, or anytime really, by making it clear, making it collaborative, and writing it down. Aw isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces

can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. Now let's run through a few possible house rules that you could use when it comes to kids and their screen time. First one, have a time limit. A lot of devices have time limits built in for kids or you can just set a stopwatch on your phone like whenever a kid is doing screen time. They get, you know, for example, 30 or 60 or 60 or 90.

90 or 120 minutes a day, whatever you want to say, however many minutes. And they can use those minutes whenever they want. But once the minutes are gone, then they're gone for the day. This is likely a house rule that is good for like reasonably responsible kids who understand delayed gratification. Like my Ben, he would do really well with his house rule. Sam would not. Sam would not. He would burn up his time before breakfast and then he would complain all day. So you know your kids best. but one approach is setting up a house rule around a time limit that is not connected to a particular time of day. The second approach is a house rule that's attached to a specific time of day. So maybe you have screen time. It's built into your rhythm. You know, it's like we do screen time

from three to four every day or from 10 to 11 every day or during breakfast every day or whatever you want to say. Now, I will say that this does cause a bit of a stir if your days are not as routineed, and so you frequently miss screen time. So I think attaching screen time to a certain time of day, it really works best if you know that your days are going to be fairly rhythmic already. Okay. So that first approach is to have a time limit that can be used any time of the day. The second approach is to choose a specific time of day. The third approach is to allow screen time only after other things have been done. So maybe you have daily sheets, which I talk about in the kids chores episode. We'll link to that in the show notes. Maybe during the summer, like before they have screen time, they need to read

outside or play outside. Maybe they read and they make something. They have to do a chore, like whatever you want them to do. And they have to do that for a certain amount of time before they get screen time. Okay. So it's not really, this is what's so great about it. It's not really your choice. It's, it's the list choice. You just like point to the list on your fridge or wherever it is and you say like, hey, have you done all your things? Now, if you have kids who struggle to see screen time as just like part of a list of things that they enjoy, this can make screen time, um, better than the other things. Like it could set it up as screen time is better. It's kind of like holding, dessert hostage until dinner is over, you know, like for some kids, that works, but for others,

it just doesn't. And it is okay if this doesn't work for your kids. It doesn't really work for mine very well because it diminishes the power and fun of the playing and the reading and the other things by almost setting screen time against it. But then there are other kids I know who this works perfectly for. So just remember that, that nothing is going to work for everybody. Okay, a fourth approach to a way that you can make a house rule is to think about energy. Think about your energy or your kids' energy and make a rule around that. I once heard someone say that they don't give their kids screen time before lunch at all because the kids have a harder time getting their momentum and energy going for the rest of the day. If they start the day with screen time, everything else

seems like a downer and the day just sort of goes down hill. And I have seen that to be true in my family as well. Now again, that's not true for everyone, but a house rule could very much be kind of protecting certain days, certain times of day and the energy in those times of day and being like, no screen time before 2 o'clock. Like, that's it. The kids know that. They know that that's going to be the answer before they even ask. And then you can decide how it works after 2 o'clock. But you could think about energy. A fifth way is to treat. different days with different approaches. Maybe you don't do screen time on certain days of the week or you for sure do it on others. Maybe like rainy days get extra time or maybe really hot days

get extra time. You know, you get the idea. The point is that not every day needs to be the exact same when it comes to screen time. Not every day is treated the same with the same rules. And then a sixth way is just to let it ride. Now, depending on who you are and where and how you live, what your kids are like, all those things, your kids might not have an expectation of daily screen time. They do other stuff happily. They may even prefer that other stuff over screen time. So you can actually have your house rule be, just ask first because you know that they're not going to ask all the time, right? The point here, if you have not been able to tell already, is that everyone is different. everyone needs to parent around screen time differently and every kid responds to rules around screen time

differently as well so name what matters to you name what matters to your kid name what matters about your day how do you want screen time to be a supportive part of that day and not just another thing that you do that the kids whine for constantly right look at it with intention for you first and then for them. And once you figure out what you need, create a house rule that is very, very clear. And it will keep a lot of that whining at bay. And that's how to lazy Jeannie Screen Time for kids. You've got to know by now that I'm not going to give you like a formula or a schedule for very obvious reasons. We just don't do that here. If you are new and you have not gathered from this episode on its own, I just don't like giving prescriptives. We are

are just too different for that. What we all need are tools to apply to our own situations, to our own lives and needs. So I hope that these give you some direction and how you can approach your screen time. I will say, I think the most important thing that I just said is that screen time needs to be for you. Let it serve you. What do you need to do during that time? I think that's the winner here. Okay. Now before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week, it is Miranda Smith, who shared with me that she uses my daily soundtrack albums, which, you know, on Instagram every morning for the last couple of weeks and I think kind of forever, I want to share the album that we're listening to throughout the day because that's what we do at our house is I pick one

album in the morning and we just kind of listen to it on repeat. And I've been sharing those on Instagram stories. Well, Miranda told me that her way to decide once when it comes to what music she listens to is to listen to the daily soundtrack that I share. Now, actually, a lot of you have told me that lately, which I so, I so love. I love sharing these albums with you. I love it. Also, remember, they're all saved to a highlight if you want to flip back to them. But I wanted to highlight Miranda because she is just a few weeks postpartum. She's home with her baby. And we all need some, like, tiny cracks of sunshine in those days. So I just love Miranda that you're deciding once on your music. you are enjoying it, you're listening to music, you're in this challenging and beautiful stage,

you're bringing a little ease into these new more days. So we just want to give you like high fives from all of us to you. Okay, that is it. Thanks so much for listening, everyone. If you are new around here, and you wouldn't mind taking a second to leave a review on Apple Podcasts, if you really enjoy the show, that would be so amazing. Reviews help the show get in front of more eyes, which is always a lovely thing, right, to have more people become lazy geniuses. So, You guys are just the best. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra.

I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You.

People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me. But there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.