The Lazy Genius Podcast - #219 - A Midsummer Pep Talk

Episode Date: July 19, 2021

We’re halfway through July, halfway through a crazy year that followed the craziest year of any in quite a while, and I think our bodies and minds might be feeling it. So let’s just take a few short minutes for a quick pep talk. Helpful Companion Links Check out The Lazy Genius Way (affiliate link) if you’d like to read more about how I use Lazy Genius principles every day. Pep talks from the past: For Being Stuck, For Not Knowing, a Goals Pep Talk. Download a transcript of this episode.   This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi there, you're listening to The Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 219, a midsummer pep talk. We're halfway through July, halfway through a crazy year that followed the craziest year of any in quite a while, I think. And I think our bodies and our minds might be feeling it. So I just want to take a few short minutes for a quick pep talk. first let's lay the groundwork of where we are summer is a season like obviously like a you know like a weather season but like a season of life and like any season it has a beginning a middle and end i think the middles have a particularly unusual quality because they are far enough away from the beginning where things might have felt fresh and possible in any season although some beginnings are also a bit scary and overwhelming and unknown in the beginning but they're just a different kind of energy at a beginning. But the middle is also too far from the end to have any kind of finality or knowing what the next season is supposed to be. The middle is far away from everything.

You're just in it. So to start, I want to offer the tiniest bit of acknowledgement of that. Middles can be difficult and challenging. Another piece to this particular middle that we're in right now, is that it's the summer slightly after, but also still in this pandemic. Now, I am not the first, nor will I be the last to say that this whole experience of the last year and a half has changed us and has taken things from us that we probably won't see for quite some time. The emotional and physical and psychological toll this past season has taken is just something else. So living in the summer, and being in the middle of that summer after such a time that we have been in, it is just not an easy place to be.

Now, summer for a lot of folks is out of the ordinary anyway, if you think about it. Like if you're home with kids, every day is the same, but also might feel like you have no routine. It's very weird. It's a very weird paradox being a stay-at-home parent in the summer. If you're a working parent, summer is bonkers because you still have to work and then figure out care for your kids and also get things done. and you want to hang out with them too, and it's just so much stuff.

If you don't have kids, the other adults in your life likely have fairly different routines and availability in the summer simply because of the nature of the summer. And so that doesn't feel normal to you. Like summer, I think by nature, is singular in how it feels for most people. Now, you might really love that singularity. You might hate it. it might depend on when you're asked, but summer is generally out of the ordinary, right? So if you think about being in an already out of the ordinary season after an extraordinary year,

it is very normal to feel far more tired than you usually do. Now, I want to share something with you. It's a word picture that I shared with my therapist a couple weeks ago. And it was so helpful to me. And so that's my pep talk, because I'm going to tell you about my counseling appointment. You ready? Okay. So imagine a lake.

Okay? And it has a very clear border. It has a clear edge all the way around. And this lake is the embodiment of overwhelm. You want to stay out of the lake because the water is metaphorically all the things in your life in one big overwhelming space. There's no distinction, right? It's just like a big lake full of everything. It's full of waters. Now, we actually use water analogies a lot when we talk about being overwhelmed. Think about it.

I feel like I'm drowning. I'm trying to stay afloat. I feel like I'm being swallowed. I'm treading water. I'm getting hit by wave after wave. Water is a really helpful analogy when talking about overwhelm. So in this scenario, that stays true. Being in the water is not our ideal in this scenario. The hope is to stay on the shore. When we're on the shore, we can see the lake, right? We can see all the things. We can sit and walk and assess and rest and more or less feel like things are within a certain modicum of control, right?

You can't completely be in control of anything. But like when you're on the shore, things more or less feel like you understand mostly what's going on. Now, I would actually say that part of my job is to give you tools and strategies to stay on the shore or offer you a hand out of the water when you feel like you're drowning. Maybe even sit with you when you're tired and you're treading water and you just are in the water and hanging on because sometimes things are just hard. And that's where I personally feel like I am right now.

I shared with my therapist this picture and said that I'm definitely in the water right now. Like I'm gripping to the side of the shore. I'm not drowning. I'm not out in the middle. But I am there in the water holding on. Now, I think the reason that I'm not drowning is because of the tools and perspectives and lazy genius principles that I share here. I'm letting people in. I'm scheduling rest.

I'm batching my work. I'm living in my season. I'm paying attention to going in the right order and essentializing different parts of my life. And guess what? I'm still in the water. I'm still in the water. And I don't like being in the water.

I don't like it. I don't like being overwhelmed. I don't like not being able to see all the things behind me and around me because I'm stuck here in this one corner of the lake holding onto the edge, like gripping on for dear life. It is really hard to have perspective. when you're trying to survive.

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You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. Now, I don't know about you, but what I try and do when I'm in the water is get out of it as quickly as possible, right? I, in doing that, I kind of run out of breath quicker with all the trying. And then the other problem is that I'm already so tired and weary from just being in the water in the first place that I don't have any energy left to get out. So I get a lot of messages like on Instagram and emails and stuff that are some very, version of, I just don't know where to begin, or everything feels like it matters, or everything is falling apart and it's impossible to know how to even start small. A lot of us are overwhelmed just from being human. And if you go back to the beginning of this episode, that checks out. Like being a human,

it has been put to the test in recent months. And if you think about even before that, before the pandemic came. And this is true, no matter where you fall on the political spectrum, the few years before the pandemic came, were already very trying and very divisive. It wasn't like those of us, especially who are Americans, were like doing super great as individuals when the pandemic hit in the first place. Like, we had already gotten the wind knocked out of us a few times. We're already pretty emotionally thin and then COVID. So it is very, very, very normal to feel overwhelmed by simply existing. It's been hard to just exist lately, no matter your circumstances. So with all that, I think most of us are probably in the water. And if we aren't, we're likely

very close. We're very close to the edge. We're trying to keep our balance. We're maybe even consumed with a little bit of fear that we're going to fall into the water. at any point. And when I was sharing this analogy with my therapist, and I was like, I don't like me, I'm crying, I don't like me in the water, I don't want to be in the water. It's my job to keep people out of the water and I'm in here in the water. And she said, so you're trying to get out of the water? And I was like, yes, yes, of course I'm trying to get out of water. And y'all, okay, so my, my therapist is like, she's like your favorite aunt. I don't know how old she is. I'm guessing she's in her late 50s. she's southern and warm and funny and so deeply kind so try try and imagine this next thing said in like a warm

southern accent from a very very kind human and she said what if you stop trying to get out of the water what if you just like relaxed a little bit when you're there and i started to cry because i do that a lot in counseling but here's the thing sometimes our season of life is very much in the water. It just is. It doesn't matter what you do or don't do. You're in the water. And this summer could feel like that for you. You could lazy genius literally every aspect of your life with expert precision. You could be organized and thoughtful and let things go and get help and all of it and still be in the water. Some seasons of life are just like that. I think about having a new baby or adding a new baby to an existing family of kids.

You will be in the water. It's just a season of being in the water. Now, hopefully, like, you won't be flailing a ton, but expecting to be on the shore when you don't sleep as much, when you are constantly needed by another human being, when your body is changing, when your hormones are crazy, when you live in that weird groundhog day that is parenting, expecting to not be in the water is not a realistic expectation.

some seasons you're just in the water and that is okay so i will ask you what my therapist has me what if you just relaxed in the water what do you need to make being in the water not feel like like an emotional death sentence what do you need as you stay in the water that answer looks different for everyone i think honestly permission to be there goes a long way when you let go of the desperation that you might feel to get out of the water, when you let that go, I think you actually have an easier time staying. So I'm hoping that this permission alone is like a relief to you. So I have this faint memory of being at a lake. I don't know when I was in middle school or something. I was young, but not super young. But it was also like way more than two decades ago. I don't remember.

but I have this faint memory of being in a big body of water. I think it was a lake. And not being a very good swimmer, trying to stay afloat with like the other people that I was hanging out with. It was very stressful. I'm like gripping the side of the boat or the dock or something for some relief, right? But even that grip is exhausting. I'm trying to support my entire body with just the tips of my fingers.

And in this memory, though, I then remember being literally throw. a life jacket. Somebody, somebody threw me a life jacket. I strapped it on and then I just floated. And I could relax. I remember that feeling. I remember that feeling of suddenly being like, okay. Now I was still in the water and I was still a little nervous about it, but I wasn't panicking or trying or gripping. So the metaphorical but hopefully helpful question is what might a life jacket look like for you in the middle of this summer right now, what do you need to experience a little relief? You might not get out of the water yet. I know I won't personally until school starts. I have a lot of things in my water, a lot of things, but a couple of the

logistical ones are that it's summer and everyone is home. I still have a good bit of work on my plate right now. And I don't have a good place to do that work without being interrupted by everybody who's home. So school starts at the end of August. I will have my new renovated office that was once our garage. I will have that. It's, you know, obviously it's home, but it's separate from home. I will have that at the end of August as well. We'll also just have more of a rhythm in those days, you know. I have also hired two new people to join the lazy genius team in the last few weeks, which is amazing. It's already making my life easier and making my work better. But there are a lot of moving parts to growing a team and getting everybody, you know, used to what's going on and understanding how all the systems work and stuff. So that is a transition, building an office, being present with my kids in the summer. Like there's a lot of moving parts.

And those things alone will change completely once school starts. It'll probably feel like I can get on the shore again. But right now I just can't. I have a new team. I don't have an office. I'm still at home and my kids are here. Like those things aren't changing. It's a season of being in the water.

It just is. And so I'm looking for ways to find relief in that at the same time that I'm giving myself permission to not panic about being there in the first place. So I just want to invite you to think about that one thing that could offer you some relief, that life jacket. For me, one of the things is to go to the pool with my family. I like really love it.

We belong to a pool for the first time this summer. I've never really loved the pool. Like even as a kid, I just kind of tolerated the pool. And now I really love it. It is slow and relaxing. It's dependable. It's fun. It has been a light jacket.

Or like one of those big rafts that shaped like a taco. It's given me relief in this season of being in the water. Like right now as I'm recording, my whole family is at the pool without me and I'm so bummed. like I wish that I could be at the pool with them. It's been so lovely to go. Some other things are painting my nails, reading, and the NBA playoffs this summer, just in recent weeks. Those have also been life jackets for me. They're simple.

They are not productive. They're calming and fun and a great relief when I experience them. Now, here's the thing about your life jacket or your taco raft. Do they change your circumstances? No. Will they help you get more work done? not necessarily, probably not. But they offer rest and relief in the middle of whatever it is you're doing and the stress and the hard conversations, whatever else is in your water that day.

So I'm inviting you to think about what your life jacket is, what your taco float is. Simple, simple things that you can do, not to save you, but to just offer a little relief. and the more we relax in the water and we're not resenting being there, the more we can feel human, even in the hardest season. Because that's what the struggle is right now, really. It's just hard to be a person right now. And that's kind of what I wanted to say. There's no lazy genius of the week this week. I just wanted to leave you with those simple words that have been profoundly helpful to me in recent weeks. And I hope that they give you some relief. in this middle of your summer, wherever you are in the water. And that's it for today. Thank you so much

for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I'll see you next week. You ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You, wherever you get your podcasts.