The Lazy Genius Podcast - #222 Taking Care of Yourself As the World Opens Up

Episode Date: August 9, 2021

Today I want to talk about taking care of yourself as the world opens up. We’ll lay some groundwork and then apply a couple of principles for you to consider over these next few weeks, especially as we move out of summer and into more of a steady routine. Helpful Companion Links Check out The Lazy Genius Way (affiliate link) if you’d like to read more about how I use Lazy Genius principles every day. Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s quote in this episode is from his book Letters and Papers from Prison My favorite social platform on the interwebs is Instagram. You can follow me there @thelazygenius. Download a transcript of this episode. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, hey, welcome to the lazy genius podcast. I am Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 222, taking care of yourself as the world opens up. Are you tired yet? I'm talking about the pandemic. Me too. But I think we're probably more tired of living it and where we are right now is still pretty rocky. We have got the Delta variant coming. It's been recommended that all kids wear masks to school, which is, hard to process for a lot of parents and teachers. And then there are different parts of the world that are still in various stages of lockdown. Plus, we all have different health issues and experiences with the vaccine. We have been through different experiences this last year and it's changed just all in different ways. And then there is the whole like, how do I carry out a conversation with people again? How does this work? It's just a lot of things. So today I want to talk about taking care of yourself as the world opens up. up. We will lay some groundwork and then apply a couple of principles, a couple of lazy

genius principles from the book The Lazy Genius Way, free to consider over these next few weeks, especially as we move out of summer and into a more steady routine. At least we assume it's going to be a more steady routine. We leave every possibility open, I suppose. So when I was preparing for this episode, I started listing out all of the things that we might feel challenged by, as the world opens up. And this list was very long. Some of the things were, with stuff involving masks, right? So in the beginning of the pandemic, if someone did not wear a mask, there was a certain association there, right? None of us enjoy wearing masks, but we were mostly trying to do good by our neighbors by making a collective sacrifice to

keep as many people safe as possible. And so there was a stigma for sure on people who did not want to wear masks and did not abide by that. Now, a couple of months ago, in certain parts of the US, mask mandates really started to fall off, right? Especially for people who were vaccinated. So suddenly, you're in Target. And because you're vaccinated, you're not wearing a mask. And it feels really strange. Essentially, there's just a lot of strong opinions around masks. And as the world opens up and you walk into it, you're going to be confronted by those differing strong opinions all at once. No matter what your own particular stance, sales. So that on its own is just a lot. That's just one thing, right? Some of the other things,

you could be afraid of your kids getting sick. Kids aren't vaccinated yet. And again, as this new Delta variant shows up, there's a real fear of our kids getting sick because they're more vulnerable. And this one is more contagious apparently. That's a real thing. I think even just learning how to deal with people again is a thing. I mentioned that, you know, before. Like a lot of us have not been in contact with people for quite some time and trying to work those muscles again, it is very anxiety producing. In fact, I think that's something to actually pay attention to is that a lot of us are just having low level fear and anxiety about a lot of things. There's just a general sense of dread with no real central point. Everything just feels hard.

And I said this before, and I will say it again, we have been through. a traumatic year. Our edges are frayed. Our reserves are worn down and empty. What we used to be able to handle has a shorter shelf life. And that is normal. That is expected. That is okay. I just think, I think it's always important, always important to put our challenges in the right context. If you forget that you've been worn down, even a little bit from living through a pandemic, you're not being kind enough to yourself. So these kinds of reminders, they help go, oh wait, that's right. That's why this feels so hard. So I will never not remind you all of those things. I will always, always do that. So the challenges are numerous, right? But again, for a lot of

folks, there's just a general sense of dread. And I was thinking about that and about the list of specific challenges that I'd written down. And I realized that I think the commonality here is that we want to avoid being dysregulated. We don't want to feel like we cannot handle what's in front of us. We don't want to feel like we're out of emotional control. We don't want to have panic attacks or anxiety attacks or get a surge of anger because we feel out of balance or disconnected with ourselves. The challenges that we face right now, as the world opens up, are the kinds of things

that can potentially do that, that can disconnect us. from ourselves. They take us out of ourselves, right? We get nervous about a social situation because we don't know how to be a person. We cancel a play date at the park because we're afraid our kids are going to get sick. We get irrationally angry at someone improperly wearing a mask or not wearing a mask at all, but maybe they're actually vaccinated. We don't know that. Maybe they're just trying to stick it to somebody and we spiral out of control with all the thing that's going on our, in our own heads. Like, it is it's that's the energy that we bring it's so spirally and I think it's a normal thing to want to avoid those kinds of feelings it is a normal thing to want life to feel normal but here's the thing

we all have different definitions of normal right like what what normal looks like to you and feels like to you is probably different than what normal looks and feels like to me also we all have different specific things that lead us to a place of craving that that normalcy. We have different things that unsettle us, different things that make us experience anxiety or fear or strong emotions in some way. It's all different. Everything always is, right? We're all just too different to have the same experience. And therefore, we cannot all have the same solution. So here's our first general step that everyone can apply specifically as we take care of ourselves as the world opens up. And that is pay attention to what specifically takes you out of yourself to the thing that starts you spiraling.

Is it an emotion? When you feel angry about anything, is it hard to get back to center? It doesn't matter what you're angry about. just experiencing anger is it's just harder to come back from for you. Maybe it's a specific emotion like that. Or maybe it's a specific situation. Anything regarding masks makes you spiral. Anything regarding social situations makes you spiral.

Anything involving your kids schooling and all the requirements and changes from that makes you spiral. Any conversation with your family member who has very different views from you about all this stuff, it makes you spiral. So name the specific emotion or something. situation that makes you feel dysregulated if you can. And this is a great place to apply

the principle, start small. Sometimes I wish that that lazy genius principle that I actually named it, make it smaller. Make it smaller. Because sometimes you don't need to start something. Maybe you just need to look at where you are in the middle and make it smaller. So for example,

if you have a general sense of dread, it's hard to meet that dread from a place of compassion and movement to make it better because it's too big. You can't do a lot to help yourself feel better or be honest about where you are if you're just feeling gross or scared or angry in general. Except maybe breathe. But if you're like my sixth grade son, you think that advice is stupid. Whenever I tell him to breathe, he just rolls his eyes at me.

But if you can specify something about your dread or however your general feeling is manifesting, you're more likely to be able to find some sort of solution to help it all feel a bit easier by making it smaller. Make it smaller. A general sense of dread, it makes sense in the context of our life. But if you can be specific about that dread, then you'll be able to find a solution. Once you've done that, once you've made your challenge smaller, you can apply a couple of lazy genius principles to that problem. And for something like taking care of yourself as the world opens up, I think that there are two heavy hitters to use. The first one is decide once. Decide once. That means just to make a decision one time about something. And then you just do that thing until that thing

doesn't work anymore. So for example, let's say you have a lot of anxiety around masks. We'll stay there because that's part of the world opening up. Your sense of dread is tied to masks, but maybe more specifically, as you've narrowed it down, maybe more specifically around all the decision making around masks, right? Certain establishments require them. Some only require them for non-vaccinated people. Some don't require them at all. maybe only part of your family is vaccinated because you have young kids. Like already, there are just a lot of opportunities for decision fatigue around masks. So instead of feeling that weight every time you leave your house, just decide once that your family will, for example, wear masks inside every store and every restaurant, wherever you go.

That decision doesn't take away like every single bit of stress about the pandemic, but it does lighten the load a little bit. So just decide, right? Stop going back and forth over and over again and decide once. Another way that you could decide once about a specific challenge as the world opens up is that you are going to always check in with a certain friend after you do something social or even just run an errand. Like if there's a lot of anxiety for you about actually going into the world, maybe you need something or someone to center you at the end of any interaction with public life. So your decide once is to text your friend before you leave and then when you're done. Just as simple like, I'm going.

And then when you get home, you're like, I did it. Simply marking that something is hard and then letting someone into that. Remember, let people in as another lazy genius principle. Letting someone into that, honestly, it makes that thing just a little lighter. don't do things alone. You can decide once on the things that you'll say yes to or no to. Decide once on how often that you talk to that family member that you often argue with, even maybe what you'll say to end the conversation.

You can decide once on how far it's worth it to you to drive to a social event or something. Decide once that you're going to keep doing grocery pickup and grocery pickup only for the rest of 2021. And then you'll evaluate again. It could be anything. Anything. But I will almost guarantee that a lot of your general dread is coming from all the decisions that are out there before you. So the more you can make now, the more things you can decide now at once, the better you'll feel. Just name what your specific challenge is and see if there's one thing you can decide to make that challenge less stressful.

Aw, isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting. for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. Another principle you can apply is to go in the right order. There are a ton of things that have very specific right orders. Making soup, for example. Making soup goes very much in a right order.

There's an episode about that. Decorating a room. The Nestor mastered that one for us. There's a book about that she wrote, Cozy Minimalist Home, that is so delightful. But for general things in life, there is a right order that can help almost any situation. And that is, number one, name what matters.

Number two, calm the crazy. And then number three, trust yourself with what comes next. when you're overwhelmed it is really hard to know where to begin our brains actually don't know how to process information in a rational way when we're under stressful situations did you know that there's actually like brain chemistry stuff that i don't i do not fully understand but i do understand it enough to know that that's kind of a bummer that when we feel overwhelmed our brain is like oh cool i'm not going to help you think rationally now so when you're feeling overwhelmed start by naming what matters maybe name that while you're taking some deep breaths because breathing helps tell our brain that we're safe so deep breaths and name what matters about the situation directly in front of you and what matters about it in this actual moment right now this is not some big life purpose philosophical question like what matters about the situation right now then once you name that calm the crazy

calm the crazy of whatever's getting in the way of that thing that matters most once the crazy is calmed it's much easier to see the situation rationally and know what to do next I cannot tell you how helpful this process is I mean I try to I try to tell you in the chapter of the lazy genius way about going in the right order but it is a profoundly helpful

kind of embarrassingly simple process just breathe, name what matters right now, call on whatever's making you crazy, and then see what comes next. Let's do an example. How about we go back to Target? We've had a few examples of flirting with shopping at Target and masks, so we'll have an example about that together.

So let's say you're shopping at Target. You've got a cart full of groceries and clothes and Joanna Gaines stuff that's on sale. Actually, does Joanna Gain's stuff ever go on sale? I don't think it does. I don't think it does. Anyway, you have a full cart. and you're ready to go home.

You're wearing a mask because you have decided once that you're going to for a while until you feel comfortable. Let's say you're in line. It's kind of a long line. And the person in front of you who is not wearing a mask is talking loudly and not being aware of like any sort of social distancing and it's just generally irritating you. Now as you stand there in line, your irritation grows. You just want to get home.

But now you're thinking that you might get there later because of this person in front of you because they're getting on your nerves and they're not paying attention. But then also, you have all this stuff in your cart. And that means like you've got to take it all home and put it all away. And now the guy's being extra loud and annoying again. And you're just like a simmering kettle that's about to blow. All right. So let's go in the right order.

If you're in that situation, you're feeling some stress, right? We're going to take a deep breath right there in line and name what matters right now. What matters most about right now? Now only you get to answer this. I do think that if you are in this community that you care about people, I think you really do. This is one of the most beautiful, compassionate communities online. Like it makes me emotional thinking about how wonderful you all are to each other. And to me.

And I don't think that you would be here or resonate with this idea of letting people decide for themselves based on what matters to them if you did not have some deep-seated sense of compassion for your fellow human. So my guess is that something that matters in that moment, maybe not the, you know, I'll put it in there as a possible, as a possibility on the list. But it is that you show respect for your fellow man, that you don't treat this person in front of you with anger or invisible eye rolls or internal judgment just because you think they're being annoying. So maybe you name as you breathe that what matters most is that you remain kind, even on the inside. You want to remain kind. Okay, cool.

Great. Fun. Now what? Let's call him the crazy. What about the situation you're in is making you crazy and distracting you from being kind? Is it, is it the volume of the guy's voice? Or maybe that you're just tuned into what he's saying? It's almost like, I know you've done this, that you like hate listen, like you hate scroll, you know, like you're paying more attention to this person who's irritating you rather than trying to tune them out. If that's what's making you crazy, pull out your phone and read your book on your Kindle app or put in your earbuds and listen to a podcast or a song while you wait instead of listening to his voice.

Or maybe, maybe actually what's making you crazy is the mounting stress of what's in your cart. Maybe the guy isn't really the issue. The guy is just exacerbating the issue, the frustration that already existed when you were shopping and running late. So if your timing and your stuff is making you crazy, then you can calm that crazy by thinking as you wait in line, what you can do to make that easier? You can ask the magic question, right? Which is another lazy genus principle. What can I do now to make this thing easier later? What can you do now while

you're standing in line to make unloading your stuff or putting it away or getting it to the car or whatever the specific is? What can you do now to make that easier later? Maybe you bag your own items when it's your turn and you batch them. You batch, bag them. Batching is another lazy genius principle. As things come through, you know what needs tending to now and what can wait until later, what you don't have to put away yet. So you bag your stuff based on that. Or maybe you think about what can make the process easier later when you get home and that is listening to some great music while you put away your stuff and unload your groceries and all that because music always makes you feel a little better. go ahead and scroll your Spotify app or whatever you used to listen to stuff while you're in line

and pick out what music you're going to listen to when you get back in the car and home again to unload your stuff and probably that distracts you from the guy's loud voice anyway now this is a very simple example but the point is that the simple things have a bigger impact on our lives than we give them credit for so name what matters calm the crazy maybe even use some other lazy genius principles to help you do that and then trust yourself with whatever needs to happen next. The final principle I want to bring up here is to be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you take care of yourself. A lot of us don't see taking care of ourselves as a worthy way to spend our time, especially for something as quote unquote silly as just

being a person in the world right now. We dismiss that so quickly. But y'all, that is a hard ask. It is a hard ask. So be kind to yourself as you take time to process what it looks like for you to be a person. If you need a nap or a coffee or a walk around the block or a quick check in with a friend after you go to the grocery store, be kind to yourself about those needs. It's okay. I also want to remind us all that we all have different needs. We are all processing this way of living differently and being a person in the world, you know, and it's important to remember that so that we can be patient and more compassionate towards other people who are living in their own general sense of dread.

That's maybe coming out sideways and impacting us. A week or so ago at my church, the person preaching read this quote from Deidreck Bonhofer, which was so good, and I want to share it with you right now. And this is not a, this is not a religious quote, by the way. This is just being a person quote if you are not a religious person. We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do and more in the light of what they suffer. More in the light of what they suffer.

If we can remember that every person has a story, every person has insecurities, every person has stuff they haven't really worked out or fleshed out that negatively impacts us. The more we can see that loud guy in the target line as a person with a story who has suffered things that maybe he doesn't know how to process yet. And what's funny about that example is that we can unintentionally other people, you know, as a verb, other is a verb when we don't need to. Like in this example, I said the guy wasn't wearing a mask. and you were. Who cares, right? Maybe he's vaccinated. That's not the point. And you decided to wear a mask

yourself. That does not mean that everyone who does not wear a mask is a bad person. But when we have our eyes fixed solely on our own needs without any lens of the humanity around us, we can other people so quickly. We make that guy a bad guy, not just because he's loud, but because he's being cavalier with his health and everyone else is because he's not wearing a mask. And yet most of the people around you in those target lines aren't masks. He's just speaking in an irritating way and you're losing sight of what's true about him as a person. I want to live more with a mindset of regarding people based on what they have suffered, what their stories are, not on what they do or do not do. And as we weave that mindset into things like going in the right order and being kind to our

as we process all these things and the world opens up, the more we will be able to consistently and kindly take care of ourselves and each other. A lot of y'all have messaged me in recent weeks and even months with this very, very question. Like, how do I, how do I go back into the world? How do I do this transition? How can I handle this well? And there's just no single answer because we all struggle with different aspects of it. We have different opinions, right? And social situations that we're in and different immune systems. But what we can do is make our struggle smaller. We can make our fears smaller. And then we can apply a lazy genius principle or two to that particular thing. We can be kind to ourselves as we figure it out day by day. And we can remember that every

person we encounter has a story and has suffered their own things and we can move toward them with a deeper compassion. We just go day by day, right? And you're doing great. You're doing great. Okay, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. I thought last week with the sausage and the change you live chicken, like blew my mind, I am so obsessed with this particular one. This week, it's Megan Gerkin. So I saw Megan post about a decide once that she does.

I could not love this more. So Megan puts together a lot of care packages for people. Now, I don't know the particulars of that, but I love that that's just something common in her life. and she has decided that yellow is the happiest color to put in a care package. So whenever she sees something at a store that's cute and yellow, she gets it and saves it to use in her care package. Her decide once is the color yellow. I can't. I'm so in love with this idea, obsessed with this.

It makes me think of wanting to add like yellow happiness to everyone in my life. It also makes me think, it makes me think of Bree McCoy, who is if the color yellow became a person, but that's a different conversation, I suppose. Megan, this is just a very specific and very perfect example of what it means to be a lazy genius. I just love it. So thank you for sharing. Congratulations for being the lazy genius of the week. Okay, y'all, that's it for today. Thank you so much for listening and sharing this episode with your people. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life?

It's so dangerous to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.