The Lazy Genius Podcast - #224 - When Things Don’t Go According to Plan

Episode Date: August 23, 2021

This episode was inspired by last week’s episode The Lazy Genius Gets Out the Door. One of the reasons we all have trouble getting out the door is things not going according to plan. There are so many variables, so many things we can’t control, that shift the whole plan. There are three steps to flexibility, and we’re going to talk about them today. Helpful Companion Links Episode 223: The Lazy Genius Gets Out the Door Episode 87: The Lazy Genius Guide to Flexibility Download a transcript of this episode.   This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey there, you're listening to The Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today's episode 224 when things don't go according to plan. There are plenty of opportunities for that to be true. And today I want to figure out some strategies for us to deal with it. This episode was inspired by last week's episode, The Lacey Genius gets out the door. One of the reasons we all have trouble getting out the door is things. not going according to plan. There are just so many variables, so many things we can't control that shift the whole plan. Like a kid suddenly have to poop right as you're trying to leave. Or someone throwing a tantrum because they didn't get to feed an imaginary breakfast to their stuffed bunny, getting in a tiff with your partner, spilling your coffee on your pants because your ability to carry everything failed you today. And then of course things don't go according to plan in plenty of other situations, not just ones involving getting out the door. The list is endless. So what do we do? How do we move through a situation that is out of our control and also

messes up our plans? Makes us late. Makes us bad. Makes us resentful of people who can't get their ish together. It spirals fast. A lot of what I'm about to share is from 150-ish episodes ago, episode 87, the lazy genius guide to flexibility. That was created during the holiday season where we have a lot of grand plans that sometimes fall apart, right? There are three steps to flexibility in that episode, and we're going to adjust them to fit our conversation today. Again, we love to live by principles because they are helpful and specific, but also versatile. Things change. We need our tools to always be able to come along for the ride when those things change. So step one when things don't go according to plan is to remember that plans are intentions not pass fail.

Plans are intentions. They are not pass fail. I personally struggle with this because I like being on time. In fact, when I'm late, I feel like I'm being disrespectful to the other person. It becomes a source of personal value that I am where I'm supposed to be when I'm supposed to be there. being late is antithetical to how I am wired. I just hate it. I absolutely hate it. And then also, sometimes I am late. Sometimes other people are late. Sometimes things happen that just make us late. Literally this very morning, when I came to work to record this episode, my babysitter was 20 minutes late because she overslept. And I was totally fine. And I get it. I don't want her to feel a bunch of shame because her alarm didn't go off. That happens to everybody. All of our alarms sometimes don't go off. Or we set it to

PM instead of AM or we hit stop instead of snooze and we fall back asleep. We are human, you guys. We're human. We're going to be late. We're going to encounter things in our plan that don't work out and make it a little harder to be on time. Now, I'm not saying you can't care about being on time. I do. I care. But what I want us all to remember is that our plans to get out the door or whatever plan you want to consider, is not a judgment on your character. It's not a past fail situation where we get to beat ourselves up or beat up the other people on our family for being late or having to poop or dropping the jar of strawberry jam and it busting all over the kitchen. Like stuff happens. So that's rule number one, if we're going to call them rules. It's not pass fail. Plans are not past fail. They're just intentions.

Okay. So rule or principle or perspective or whatever we want to call it. it. Number two, your attitude sets the tone and it sets the tone both ways. I always try and think about how I would want someone else to treat me if it's time to leave and I have to poop. Or I drop the jar of strawberry jam or I spill the coffee or I oversleep. How would I want my people to treat me? How would their attitude impact my attitude? I want them to be patient, you know, which would help me be calmer. I would really appreciate it if they didn't make me feel bad for my choice or my mistake or oversight. I'd rather not be shamed because if they don't see my being laid as a shameful thing, it'll be easier for me to not see it that way too. I would even go so far as to say that I would

be very appreciative if people did not dramatically sigh while they're waiting for me. I'm not trying to make us late. You know, sometimes things happen. And when they do, and I'm to blame, so to speak, mean a lot to me if my family wouldn't make me feel bad about it. I'm trying to get out of the house just as much as everybody else. And other people's attitudes toward my actions, they make a huge difference. So when I think about that, when I think about how I would like to be treated, it helps me consider how to treat my people. My attitude matters big time. And I'm not saying this is easy, or it comes naturally for me. It very much does not. Two of my three kids are stress. They often forget things. They can't find shoes. Annie sometimes wants to bring her like the giant

bed comforter, like her literal bed clothes with her in the van. And I do not have the patience for such a request. It's like, we've got to go, girl. Come on. But for whatever reason, bringing her bedding sometimes matters to her. Now I'm not saying we bring it. But rather than being huffy and like sharply saying no put it back we've got to go which will lead to tears anyway i really do try and ask her can you tell me why this matters today she might need comfort you know and maybe we can find something smaller as a substitute that can bring her comfort that's not like a giant comforter she might be feeling a little disconnected from me because i've been working and she's home during the summer instead of in school and it's weirded out by the fact that i am gone most mornings

because I usually work, she just doesn't see it. So taking her bedding is calming to her when she has to go be with another babysitter. So it might be worth it on those days, you know? I want her to feel confident in her needs, confident in sharing them with me. And confident that when she does, when she does share her needs with me, I'm going to meet her with kindness, which helps her to be kinder towards herself and those needs, right? I want her to have a voice. Whereas if I dismiss her quickly, she's going to feel that.

She's going to feel dismissed. And there goes our connection. So remember what matters most. People. People and their souls. And your soul too. You can still care about being on time. But starting with this idea of first plans are intentions and they're not past fail,

that is vital to putting you in the right perspective about the whole thing. And then you can remember the power of your own attitude towards yourself and your people. Remember what matters most. Aw isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw,

a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. And then the third part is to pivot. And this is where we're going to get practical. You want to do those two things first before you pivot. But I want you to focus on a scenario as we move forward where you often feel like you have to pivot. It's really good to have like a practical, tangible example to think through as we talk about the steps of pivoting. So maybe you can think about getting out the door. You know, again, this is inspired by last week's episode, if that's something that is

a struggle for you. Or you can think of a different situation where you just feel. You know, like you're pivoting on a regular basis. Maybe things don't go according to plan when you go grocery shopping. It takes longer than you think you forget your list, you forget to make a list, you forget the one thing that you needed the most, you know, something like that. Your situation could be related to work, a person, a specific person, a day of the week, a time of day, like any number of things. I think we all have a situation in our lives where we feel like our plans just never pan out. So try and name what that situation is for you as we break down how to pivot. And remember, I cannot give you an actual literal plan B or pivot specifics because everyone has a

different plan A and needs to pivot based on different needs and personalities and priorities and all the things, right? So I will not give you specifics. If you're new here, I will not give you specifics. Like hardly ever because I simply can't. Your life. is your life and you know what you need. But I will give you some principles, some specific tools and steps to more easily figure out what your specifics are. So the first step when you need to pivot is to feel grounded. Now, by grounded, I mean that you are connected to where you are and what matters before you spin out of control, whatever that means for you. So maybe you need to calm down because you're escalating.

Maybe you need to focus and like initiate because you're shutting down and withdrawing. Maybe you need to smile because your anger is getting bigger and bigger. Maybe you need to step outside and sense some nature to help you connect to the world around you. Now grounding is an actual therapeutic technique, you guys.

Like I'm not, I'm not making this up. Grounding yourself is an incredibly important part of managing a situation when things don't go according to plan. Use your senses. Take deep breaths. Smell your coffee. Listen to a bird outside or a song. Look at the sky. Look at the face of the kid who's making you light and smile at them. Take a deep breath and say to yourself, my child has to poop and neither he nor I are failures because of this. Just tell yourself the truth and say, stay grounded and where you are. It sounds too simple and maybe even annoying. And trust me, I have felt that way about grounding. But believe me when I say it, it really, really helps.

So the first step is to stay grounded. And whatever way that works for you, something with your senses, as deeply connected to nature or simple things as you can, stay grounded. The second step in your pivot plan is to ask yourself, who needs to know? Okay, so you've taken your deep breaths. You're like, okay, you're like not escalating in the situation. Now I want you to ask yourself, who needs to know that your plans are having to change? If you're on your way to work and you have a meeting pretty much right when you get there, but a kid is, you know, currently evacuating his bowels, you might want to tell your boss or a coworker or someone that you'll be there as quickly as you can, but you literally cannot make your kid poop faster, you know, but maybe someone does need to know.

Also, side note, can we just do this? You can't actually make your kid poop. faster? Like that just feels really important to say. And I think in fact, hounding that kid to poop faster might make them poop slower. They get stressed out, intense, and you need to relax to poop. So anyway, let's just a side note, but just like try to be chill with the whole last minute pooping situation. Okay. So back to the second step. Who needs to know? Who needs to know? It's a very simple question. Who needs to know that you're late or you're having to pivot or you have a plan B? Now, a great part of this step is that if no one needs to know, maybe it's not such a big deal that you're running late or that the plan changed. If it's not really affecting anyone but your own plan,

you can breathe and you can keep grounding yourself and realize that it's not as big of a deal as it feels. That's part of why grounding is hopeful. It kind of brings you back to your center a little bit. Okay, so first step, stay grounded. Second step, ask yourself who needs to know. And then step three is to ask yourself the magic question. You see how simple these are? Very simple. Like look at a sky, say, all right, who needs to know I'm late? There's an answer. And then step three is to ask yourself the magic question. If you are unfamiliar with the magic question, it's one of the principles in my book, The Lazy Genius Way. What can I do now to make this thing, this change of plans, easier later. Is the changed plan or the late exit likely going to make you get home later

around dinner time, let's say? So maybe you can pull out a couple of pantry ingredients for dinner. I talk about this like fill the pasta pot with water. That's just my favorite one. Fill a pot with water. It's weirdly satisfying and saves more time than you think. Pull out your instant pot from the closet, you know, whatever else you could do to make later easier while your straggler is finding her shoes, you know? What can you do right now to make this change of plans easier later? Do that one thing, one thing, not seven. Start with one.

And likely end with one, okay? Don't make yourself even later by giving yourself a sudden to-do list that you'll feel bad for not completing, even though you really didn't have that list until just this minute, you know? So step one. This is very simple. you need to pivot. Step one, just stay grounded. Step two, ask yourself who needs to know. And then step three, ask the magic question. And then finally, step four, I want you to do step one again.

Remain grounded. Use your senses. Take deep breaths. Remember what matters most. You guys, plans change all the time. If we hold so tightly to those plans that we forget to be gracious, flexible humans towards ourselves and towards other people, we will be so annoyed with our friends. We will be so annoyed with ourselves and other people and our failed planning and our kids choices and our partner's apathy and the list goes on right stay grounded remember what matters that will serve you far better far better than detailed plan Bs and checklist and whatever else because listen those things they can't actually super help you with your shifting plans right those plan those like extra plan Bs those checklists and thinking ahead but those will not help without

the pivot steps that come first. If you try and execute a detailed plan B without being grounded and present, without remembering that your plans are not past, fail, without valuing your attitude and how it impacts your own soul and the souls of your people, your plan won't matter. It just won't. It just won't. You'll still be like tightly wound and things are not going to go great. those plan B's those checklists those contingencies they are valuable but only when the other pieces are present first and speaking personally when those other pieces are present the plan B it kind of loses its importance a little bit it doesn't matter nearly as much as it did before I think that's why the pivot steps are what they are the only real practical part of that pivot step is to let someone

know if they need to know that you're late and then you can can ask the magic question just to feel like you're not behind super simple you know keep it simple you guys the complicated stuff i mean it makes things complicated it just makes life more complicated and that's what to do when things don't go according to plan i hope this episode is helpful and i think it could get a lot of practice in these next few weeks as we all transition into fall and school and new schedules and routines and and all the things so i hope it's helpful Okay, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. Y'all are not ready for this one.

You are not ready. Okay, Heather Lennox at Hope and Hilarity on Instagram, she shared this idea last week, maybe a week or two ago, and it might be one of the most brilliant ideas of all time. She posted a photo of her and a laundromat with her feet up, and this is the caption. Time for my home from vacation tradition and one of my favorite life hacks. Vacation laundry does not enter the house. It stays in the baskets and goes straight to the laundromat. Mom brings a book, puts her feet up, and gets a solid two hours to herself to come out of the post-vacation hangover. Plus gets all that gross and stinky wet laundry done at once. This is the best Decide Once Lazy Genius type life hacks I've ever implemented.

It makes coming home from vacation that much less daunting. You guys, Heather wins at life. This is brilliant. Absolutely. Absolutely. brilliant. So we always fill one suitcase or duffel bag or, you know, whatever we packed full of our clothes with everyone's dirty laundry. Like at the end of vacation, everybody's dirty laundry goes into one bag so that we don't have to unpack everything before we start laundry when we get home. But the idea of doing that outside of the house with quiet and a book, the white noise of the humming washing machine, I am on board with this idea so much. So thank you so much for sharing, and thank you for being this week's lazy genius of the week. All right, y'all, that's it for today.

Thank you so much for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next week. You ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that, more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life? Because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm sorry. Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You, wherever you get your podcasts.