The Lazy Genius Podcast - #232 - How to Hold Your Own In Conversations You Know Nothing About

Episode Date: October 18, 2021

This is a special, unique little episode because I am not alone. My sister, Hannah, recorded this little bonus episode with me to give some fun and levity but also permission to be who you are in a room even when you don’t know what everyone is talking about. Helpful Companion Links Get a new episode of The Lazy Sisters every month on Patreon. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Swarming your fruit and terrorizing your kitchen, these little freaks multiply at a rate that would make a rabbit say, yo. Chill. But Laura shopped on Amazon and saved on cleaning spray, countertop wipes, and fly traps. Hey, Fruit Flies, your baby boom ends here. Save the Everyday with Amazon. Hi there, you're listening to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. This is episode 232. How to

hold your own in a conversation you know nothing about. This is a special, unique little episode because I am not alone. My sister Hannah recorded this little bonus episode with me to give you guys some fun and levity, but also permission to be who you are in a room, even when you don't know what everyone else is talking about. My sister is hilarious and makes me laugh more than just about anyone else. And in this episode, we share how we are completely different when it comes to one particular topic, sports. Or as Hannah calls it, sports ball. We share some personal stories that will hopefully bring a laugh to your Monday, but also we dive into what it means to be around people and not know what they're talking about. What do you do? Hannah and I have a secret monthly show for

Patreon supporters called The Lazy Sisters Podcast. And this is a A, like a little sneak peek into what that show is like, and B, a good reminder that we don't all have to like the same things in order to connect with each other. So here is a little snippet of the Lazy Sisters podcast with my real life sister, Hannah, how to hold your own in a conversation you know nothing about. I'm Kendra the Big Sister. And I'm Hannah the little sister. This is the lazy sisters podcast. Real Life Sisters keeping you from Real God choices. Today is a quick little bonus episode, how to hold your own in a conversation you know nothing about. I have done that many a time. How about you, Kendra? An example that we have between the two of us,

sister, is that I love and know a lot about sports. Yes. And you, I don't. The answer is I do not know, Kendra. I call it sports ball, Kendra. You call it sports ball. And so we wanted to kind of use fall sports as a, because so many things are happening right now. Like college football, they are NFL. Yeah, I knew all of that stuff. I knew that fall is a sporty season. There are, there are a lot of You know, sporty spice was always my favorite spice girl. It's true. Mostly because I was just like, it was aspirational. It was as it's super aspirational. 100%. So in case you did not know, there are a lot, a lot of sports are ending and beginning. Okay. Now and over the next couple of months. Yes, and not just the Olympics, which are only every four years.

Yes. And they have been over for a while now. I know, but it just, it was, it was thrilling. It really was. It was thrilling. It was a great Olympic. So for context, for anyone who is new to us, I am seven years older than you, just about. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Yeah. And, okay, so I started watching sports before you were born because I wanted to connect with our deadbeat father, who is not around anymore. And that was the only way that I felt like I could have an emotional connection with him. So it's really sad. But next up, I found I really loved it. Like, I loved it.

I started out with college basketball, with Carolina basketball. And then it just grew to the point where I wanted to be a sports broadcaster for years until I was like, oh, I am not 5'9 and blah. And I don't want to work a sideline for the next 20 years to get the job I actually really want that I think I would be good at. So I became a teacher like everyone else. So I but my other my other like athletic pursuits the funny thing, the irony here, I can talk a lot about sports. I know them. I love them. I cannot play them, not coordinated.

I was a cheerleader in middle school, but I couldn't do a car. part wheel or any jumps of any kind. I just had really sharp movements. You did. And you memorized those cheers. I did so great. You never memorized. You never missed a cheer. I didn't. I will say that whenever there was like a seventh grade version of like a sexy cheer where you had to do some sort of hip roll or something. You were not participating. I was in the back of the pyramid. For sure. I was never the point of the pyramid when we were doing like sharp motions. Yes. But never hip roll. Your pom-poms were a force to be reckoned with. They really were.

So I was a middle school cheerleader. I played a homeschool volleyball. Always a plus. Always a plus. I did not start. No, you did not. If that says anything. I couldn't really serve.

Definitely couldn't spike or jump. And so I was just like a mediocre setter, but I couldn't do the real setting with your fingertips. Yeah. So I just bump it a lot. Yeah, you did. I did, but I was very encouraging and always on time to practice. And always had very red wrists after games. It hurt every dagham time.

Every time. And then I won a, my final like four A into the athletic world was in eighth grade when I won that sports writing competition. Yeah, for our local newspaper. For our local newspaper. Yeah. And I got to be a real sideline reporter. Sideline actually meetings on the third floor of the stadium at the, uh,

ACC at our conference basketball tournament. I remember I wore a hound's tooth wool skirt that I got from the gap and a black turtleneck tucked in and black tights. I thought I was the stuff because I also thought I was going to be like on the floor like in the press box. Yeah. And again, I was like in the nosebleeds of the Clemson section. Yeah.

With an ancient laptop whose battery died within 12 minutes. So anyway, but perhaps my playing credentials are not very good. My enthusiasm and enthusiasm. Enthusiasm. Enthusiasm. Amassed, clearly. And knowledge does exist. It does exist.

What about you? Okay. So I just have this very vivid memory of you. in your, you know, classic sexy date outfit that at the time was a giantly oversized OG Carolina Panthers white T-shirt with your white cut off jeans shorts and your black Reebok tennis shoes with your Charlotte Hornets, dangly earrings. I was the stuff in that outfit. And you know what?

I did too. I did too, Kendra. I wanted to be you. And so you were super into sports. Yeah. And I was, but you couldn't play sports. And I couldn't play sports either. So I was like, I could do this.

Sure. I could be sporty spice. Yeah, you can. I just remember, I had two really big kind of like sports awakenings, I guess. You could call them. Right. The first one was the realization that there are sports that don't have like basketballs in them. Oh, like different kinds of balls.

Yes. And like sports balls and equipments and different things. Right. So ultimately, for me, that was the 1996 Atlanta Olympics. Carrie Strug was really pivotal for me. And I just remember, I mean, don't we all, right? We all remember. I mean, wow. I just remember looking at these gymnasts and being like, these are sportsmen.

Like, these are, this is real world-class sportsmanship here. And there are no, there's not a sports ball to be seen. sports ball to be seen. And so I was like, I could do this. Yeah, you could. I could do this. Did I have the, the body type? No, the physique, no, the flexibility. The strength? No. No. But I had the wave. You did. So, so this is what I did because I could not be a gymnast. I was very aspirational in my thinking, right? I could do anything. Yes. So I perfected a very quick judge wave and then I would run very fast down the hallway and then abruptly stopped before I hit the wall. Like it was a vault.

Yes. And I would in my mind do an incredible floor routine. The vault was a little too scary for me. So I never pictured that. It was always the floor routine. But I killed it every time in my imagination. And I really thought that that was enough to get me to the Olympics. Yes.

For sure. The wave. Like 100%. So I carried that enthusiasm with me until I saw me a ham play soccer. Yes. Okay. And I wanted to be her. We all did. I mean, desperate. So I signed up for soccer. I remember this. I was actually very resentful of you for doing that because it meant that I had to go to your games. Okay. Well, you're welcome. Sorry. How old would I have been? How old were you when you did that?

I think I was, I think I was seven. Right. So you were, I would have been 13, 14. I would have been a B-word middle schooler then. Oh, for sure. I was just like, no. Yeah. Well, and we also hated each of other than. So that makes sense. That makes sense. Which is part of why I was trying to be a sports person because I was like, maybe we'll be friends. Thankfully, as we got older, we could connect on different topics other than sports. Sure, this is true. But it took us a long time to get to that place. A really long time. But I signed up for soccer and in the same way that I had perfected my wave. Yes. As a soccer player, I perfected my water bottle strategy. So this was, Like an epic family story. Yeah.

It's quite the anecdote, I guess. But no, it was when Gatorade, I believe, had just come out with their super sucky bottles. Not sucky as in quality control, but the actual twist ones that you could suck the Gatorade out of, right? It was a very different drinking experience. It felt Barry Mia Hamm. You know, like Mia Hamm doesn't have time to unscrew her water bottle. Like, she just twisted it with her mouth. She twists it with her mouth and just sucks it down.

She needs those electrolytes pronto before she scores her next touchdown. Look at you with your electrolytes. The touchdown was wrong. But, like, the electrical lights, I think that was good. I mean, the touchdown was a joke. I do know that it's a goal. I do know it's a goal. But that's about it.

Right. That's fine. As my soccer career would show, since it fizzled out very quickly, and I got the award for best throw in, which was a. throw away award. But what I would do with my water bottle is I was, you know, ahead of my time trying to recycle and reuse.

I would drink my water, my Gatorade really fast and get my electrolytes. And before my game, my big games, right? Yeah. I would fill up my water bottle the night before and I'd stick it in the freezer. Yeah, you would. Because, you know, an athlete needs cold water to quench their thirst. And the next day I would go and I would try to drink water. out of a Gatorade Sucky bottle.

That was just a block of ice. And it was so disappointing. And I looked like, I mean, I just, I looked a bit wild, you know? I mean, it was. And becoming like increasingly dehydrated. Oh, for sure. Well, I wasn't athletic. So even just a quick sprint down half of the not real soccer field was enough to create, you know.

Perspiration. of perspiration. Perspiration. Very intense, what I think you're supposed to call them Charlie Horses. That's like sports cramp, right? Sure. Okay, I think it's a sports cramp. I'm literally, I mean, I'm asking this question legitimately.

You can get a Charlie Horse not playing sports. Okay, good to know. I'm pretty sure a Charlie Horse is a muscle cramp. And you can get muscle cramps just from existing, from dehydration. See, I don't do a lot. clearly. So I'm not familiar with the cramps and where they land, you know? Yes. So anyways, that was kind of, that was, that was my attempt at being an athlete.

You know, I really walked away from both of those experience of waving and drinking water bottles ineffectively. I walked away from those experiences just being like, you know what, I have an athlete's heart and I'm just going to go with that. I'm, you know, I'm passionate, I'm sensitive and tender. And even though, as I just said that, though, I'm like, we generally don't classify athletes as sensitive and sensitive. None of the words that you just said are words that people call athletes. She's just so, that Carrie's shrug.

She's so tender. She's so tender. Okay. That doesn't mean we shouldn't. But that's usually not the first few words that come out. No, it's not the first thing that happens when you talk about an athlete. But anyways, I. all of that to say, my desire to understand sports

is born out of wanting to just connect with people that I care about. Where sports is something that they care about. And I think that's true of a lot of people. Yes. Yes. Yes. 100%. Touchdown.

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where a lot of people will be now, between now and the next few months. Because apparently there are a lot of sports. It's sports seasons. So it's like you've got, playoff baseball in the World Series. Most people do a Super Bowl party. That's not until like the first weekend of February. But like college basketball is going to be starting. The college football championship is going to be in the beginning of January. Like there are lots of things or you might, it might not even be a party situation. You might, as you said before, you might live in a house with people that you deeply care about who deeply care about sports or something that you don't necessarily know a lot about. And you want to connect with them in that way. Yes, absolutely. So how,

how can you hold your hone in a conversation you don't know anything about a few years ago you were like okay we were watching football and you said i don't i remember you going i don't what's it down everybody talks about the downs you were so confused everybody does it's always a seventh down a tenth down there's i was like i know there's the touchdown and that's the that's the important one that's the important down it's true we won't go into the down description now but i remember thinking okay, I want you to understand this thing that I love. And I deeply love football. Yeah.

And so, and I'm a pretty good teacher of things. And I was like, all right, I'm going to, I'm going to be the one. I'm going to teach you football. And I love to teach people about football because you're not the first person I've done this with. I love to teach people about football using something that they love. Do you recall the thing that we used? Oh, 100%. It was Michael Fastbender.

because out of most things in the world, Fassie is at the top of my list. Right. And so I remember saying to you, all right, Hannah, you're over here at one end of the field. Yeah. Fassie's at the other end. We need to get him. You immediately said, how do I get to him? And I was like, oh, we are already cooking with gas. And so I explained football to you and you actually got it.

I did. You did. Now, I would love an update on what happened since. them. I still love Michael Fastbender. I don't generally know what football does. And I think the really lovely lesson here, because I used to think that teaching you about football would make you like football. Yeah. And I think you thought that same thing. Oh, I did too. If I'll just, if I could just understand this, you would like it. Then we, we could watch, we could watch sports ball games together. Right. But you don't care about football. No, I really don't. You don't. I don't. It doesn't matter to you.

No. And so me, despite my enthusiasm and patience and breaking down, like, it doesn't matter if football doesn't matter to you. And so I think that like, you know, even when we were talking about sort of putting together this episode, it was like, all right, well, let me, let me teach, let me teach people football. And you said, but not everybody cares about football. Like you care about connecting with the people in your life. You care about having fun at the Super Bowl party. You care about those things. But you don't actually have to care about the thing that the other people know in order to still connect with them. You don't have to fake it until you make it. Nope. You don't have to pretend like you're going to like the sport after the conversation is over. But you can actually be very honest.

without being self-deprecating. Right. Without me like, oh, yeah, I'm just one of those people. Those can't get on the sports and that's fine, whatever. And, you know, that is my impression of a self-deprecating person, apparently. Who am I? Well, and it's funny because I think sometimes I think about, I think about my kids, Sam right now is playing alto sax.

Now, I love music. I don't know anything about brass instruments. I don't know a thing. But because he's actually really into it, I would like to know about it. And that doesn't mean that having that motivation is bad or like getting into it and actually getting into the thing that the person likes, that you're not being authentic either.

You know, like it may be that after we'd have that Fassie football conversation, that it stuck. And you might have come to love football. That that's not any better than what actually happened. Yeah. Which is that you actually realize you don't care about football. No, but I still love Michael Fassbender. Of course you do. Yeah.

Why would you not? So anyway, so all that to say, it's like both ways are great. Like you can explore and not know and seek to know or you can be okay with not knowing without being self-deprecating. It's like having someone come over to your house and you apologize for the state of the house. As soon as they walk in the door. As soon as they walk on the door.

And there's really nothing wrong with your house. Or even if there is like it doesn't really matter. Yeah. But we do that to make ourselves more comfortable, but really just makes everyone uncomfortable. ball. So even in those kinds of situations like of your Super Bowl game, you don't have to be like, yeah, I did. Like you said, that is what a self-deprecating person sounds like. Oh. I just, I don't really know that what's going on. You don't have to do that in order to connect and be yourself there. I have found, and maybe this is just my personal bent, but I feel like this is a

common thing with lots of people. When you're insecure about something, you tend to want to say a lot of words about that thing to make yourself feel better. Right. And I think that one of the big things with the sports conversation, with any type of conversation, where you are feeling a little bit out of place or out of sorts, just listen and ask some interesting questions. Be curious.

Be curious. Because if you go into it and you're not thinking about your own ego or you're not thinking about your own place in the conversation, but if you really just want to be engaged, just ask people questions. like, why are you rooting for this team? Right. Why do you care so much?

Not in like a bad way, but like in a, why do you care so much? Because usually people have really cool stories about why they root for teams. Because usually sports is very emotional and very deep for a lot of people. Right. And I would also say, I would also say as a person who loves sports, that I would be more than willing to answer those questions to someone who asks. I would also really be appreciative if there. those questions were not asked during the game or during like the last two minutes of the fourth quarter when things are really close.

Oh, that is such a great point. This is like when I sit and watch a movie with a person. Yes. And they ask me questions about the movie. Yes. Did you just see that? Mm-hmm. I sure did. I'm sitting here too. I sure did. I'm trying to pay attention. Right. And you're talking to me and I need you to stop talking. So that I'm not saying like I'm going to snap at a person who's asking me a personal question during a game. But you can read the room. Yeah, it's nice to sort of know that one of the main tenets of people who love sports, of sports fanatics is that they want to be engaged in the game as much as possible. And I see, I understand that when you see the other people in the room who have a similar level of fanaticism, they are engaged with each other to a point because they are looking at the same thing. They are enjoying the same thing.

And if you're not enjoying that and they're definitely not going to be talking to you right now, it can be a little bit tricky. But guess what? You don't have to feel bad being in the kitchen with the people who don't like the game. Nope. You don't have to think that your partner who really, really loves sports and is not talking to you during the game, that he doesn't like you or something like that because they're paying attention to the game and not you. That's just something that they really love to be invested in.

And you can ask questions during a commercial or later or you don't have to read into it in a weird way. Or you can be honest later after the game and say, hey, listen, I just need to tell you the truth that you, I really want to love these sports with you, these sports ball games, and I don't. I still want to connect with you. Do you feel like I'm connecting with you even though I don't love this thing that you really love? And your partner can say, yeah, totally. And that's a snippet of our conversation about conversations. Now listen, yes, it is a blast to have stuff in common with people. It's an easier path to connection. I would be dishonest to say, different, but you can still have connections with people and not like all the same things.

I think, like, on an intellectual level, we all believe that. It's a pretty basic tenet of being a person, right? We can like different things. But the emotional work of living that way on a regular basis, especially if someone that you love really loves something that you don't, it's harder to put that into practice. So this is your permission to learn about the thing or not, to ask questions or not to be willing to let that person you love connect. with other people around that topic and not see it as a threat or not to be content in a relationship knowing that you have no interest in learning what a down is and to be content with yourself in a relationship or in a social setting in a conversation at a party on the couch next to someone

you love when you don't have anything to contribute you don't have to know about something in order to be connected to someone who loves that something if you try and it doesn't work if you have someone try to get you in a football or music or carpentry or crossfit or birdwatching or whatever it's okay if it doesn't stick it's okay if you just don't get it it's okay if that person's enthusiasm has to stand on its own and you love them but you still just don't get that thing that they love love what you love and be yourself in that and let other people love what they love and be themselves in that too you don't have to be a threat to each other you don't have to to be the same to connect. You don't have to know what a down is to sit in the living room while

someone else enjoys football. The way to hold your own in a conversation you know nothing about is to be honest that you don't know anything about it. Be curious when you feel it's appropriate and be kind to yourself when that little voice in your head says that you should go, that you don't belong, that you need to sound smarter about this thing than you actually are. The more we are comfortable and confident in who we are and what we love and let other people be the same way, the more connected will naturally become. And that's it for today. If you're interested, the Lazy Sisters podcast, like I said, it comes out monthly. It's a very long episode. And Hannah and I cover all sorts of topics that we're passionate about. That is our sweet spot when we

are really into something. We're pretty entertaining, if I can say that, when that happens. Our most recent full episode was about how we approach gifts and giving them during the holidays. We have talked about feminine health and care. Celebrity crushes. We love to talk about books and what we're reading. Hannah is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to hair and skin care. We tell stories about growing up that are sometimes funny and sometimes super depressing because we both have experienced a decent amount of trauma.

It's like a whole ride. But this is the time of year when I am neck deep in getting things done. and being intentional about the upcoming holidays and fall routines and all of it, that I just need a fun companion to all the productivity. So hopefully this little episode gave you that today. Thank you so much for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I'll see you next week.

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