The Lazy Genius Podcast - #24 - The Lazy Genius Thinks Differently About Cooking

Episode Date: May 29, 2017

1. Read some stuff that goes with the episode. How to Survive Dinnertime Panic How to Cook Everything Fast How to Cook Everything Marie Forleo - the "I Can't vs. I Don't" idea Tim Ferriss interview with Derek Sivers, i.e. the bike ride story 2. Become a Lazy Genius one weekly email at a time. Need some encouragement to be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't? The Lazy Genius Collective mailing list gets the best stuff. Join here! This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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But Laura shopped on Amazon and saved on cleaning spray, countertop wipes, and fly traps. Hey, fruit flies, your baby boom ends here. Save the Everyday with Amazon. Hello, friends. You are listening to The Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today's episode, episode number 24, the Lazy Genius gets an answer. attitude adjustment about her cooking because we all need it sometimes. So here's the pitch for today.

Okay, dinner panic is real, right? It happens to the best of us at the worst times it seems. And a lot, right? When it's 4 o'clock, 5 o'clock, even 6 o'clock and we're like, what are we having for dinner? There's that panic all the time. So if that circumstance isn't going to change, then maybe our attitudes should change. So today in this episode, in the playbook, we are going to attack three attitudes and adjust them. So let's do this. All right, so let's begin with our first attitude that might be changing. And that is that our expectations are super justified. We believe that what we think should happen at dinner time, whether it's the type of food, the flavor of the food, the cost of the food, how quickly it comes together, or the people

who are going to eat it. Their pleasant attitudes about eating. it, their praise and validation that might come. I think that we all have these really dormant expectations when we come around the table and we might not really should have those. Because here's what happens. If you focus on, let's say the food, whether it's going to be tasty, whether everybody's going to like it, all that. If you focus on the food more than, say, the family or the friends or whoever is around

that table, then the entire meal, The entire experience rests very precariously on what food you choose. I think that's why we have so much panic. It's like, what am I going to make for dinner? What am I going to feed these people that's going to make them not yell at me or throw their food on the floor? Hopefully this only applies to you if you have like seven-year-olds and under. If you only live with grown people and this happens, I'm so sorry.

but if we put so much pressure on the actual food choice, we're going to be super panicked and super stressed and our expectations aren't going to be met because not everybody's going to like the same thing. Not every recipe is going to turn out exactly the way we think it is. Like the food, yes, the food is important, but if you make the food the most important thing, you're setting yourself up for failure every time. You just are. And even those days where you might make something that is incredible. delicious that everyone loves, even then you're setting yourself up for an expectation,

that every meal after that, every food choice that you make after that has to count just as well, be just as successful. You're putting so much focus on the food. Now, granted, the meals where everyone enjoys the food, more than likely, the attitudes are going to be pretty good around the table. You know, everyone's going to be pleasant. Oh, this is so delicious. Honey, how is your day? or, you know, whatever you guys say at your table. But I would like to posit to you, so that the correct word to use? I would like to posit that the success of that meal really wasn't the food. The food kind of set the stage in terms of making everybody a little bit happier.

But that is problematic because if everybody's happiness rests on the food that you actually eat, then dinner is going to be disappointing often. Because I don't care how good of a cook you are. I don't care how organized you are. You're going to have meals that are crap. You're going to have meals that fail miserably because it's just the way it goes. Cooking is not as scientific as, say, baking. You know, you're going to forget things.

You're going to overcook the chicken. You're going to run out of this certain thing that makes this recipe sing and it's going to be a little bit bland. Or, you know, you're going to drop the pan on the floor full of food. Want to ask me why that? I know how that's happened? Yeah, because it's happened to me. things happen right so if you put so much emphasis on how good the food is going to taste how successful the actual food is going to be if you set the people up that you're feeding if you

set them up with the expectation of we can only have a good pleasant dinner together when the food is good only word do you see how sad that is do you see how hard that is to fulfill that and you see how that feeds into the panic every time you feel panicked about what is for dinner. So you're like, how am I going to replicate what happened that one time when we were all so happy with this one meal I made? I'm not saying tasty food is not important. I love tasty food, but that can't be the most important thing. I truly, truly believe that. If we can adjust that expectation, things are going to be better. So what are we adjusting it to? Let's shift our focus from the meal to the table. We are talking about a culture. We're talking about developing

a culture around your table. Every single meal that you sit around that table is like dropping a grain of sand in a bucket. And you're going to be like, um, sand is tiny, Kendra. Buckets are really big. This makes no difference at all. But it actually truly does. Because if you think about how many meals that you eat, you, well, three. Like, you don't have to think.

We all know. You probably eat about three meals a day, right? Seven days a week. That's 21 meals. I should have done this math before because I'm not really good at this. So it's like what? Like three days? It's like over a thousand.

It's over a thousand. I know that. It's over a thousand meals a year. That's a thousand grains of sand in your bucket every year. And the years keep going. Right? If you are married, like if you've got, you share these meals with your spouse. If you've got kids, that kid's probably going to be in your house for 18 years. That's 18,000.

thousand grains of sand. Every single one is contributing. Every single meal around the table is contributing to a culture. Now that is hopefully not putting added pressure on you. Every meal has to count. No, no, no, no, no, no. What that means is that every single meal matters even in its most simplistic and based state. Okay. Even the worst meals, even the most simple meals, even like takeout hot dogs, the most elaborate like dinner party thing, every single thing that you do around the table is contributing

to a culture in your home that the table is a place where people matter. Food is secondary. Food is wonderful. Food is important, but it is secondary. So let's change our attitude from

what am I going to make for dinner and the expectations that the food has to be good. shift that attitude to an expectation of I would love to have people around the table. Okay. Now, I know I was actually talking to, I wasn't talking to her. I just read it on Instagram. Y'all do that, right? Where you see a friend say something and you're like, yeah, we were having this conversation.

No, you weren't. You just read her words, but it's fine. I read the words of my friend Caroline on Instagram about how she's got four older kids. her oldest, I think, is graduating from high school this year, or at least close to, like teenage kids. And so she was saying that they, the six of them, had not had a meal together in a really long time. Like, I think it was weeks. I think it was several weeks where they hadn't all been able to sit down and have a meal together. And that's real. And she was like, you know what? We have to lean into this. It's May. It's busy. Like, May is insane. The older

your kids get, May gets crazier. My oldest is in first grade and I've already had field day and zoo trip and violin concert and we've got graduation, not graduation, we had preschool graduation, but we have like first grade awards day and, you know, like all the things. Like so many things happen in May. And so I loved what my friend Caroline said. She was like, you know what? I'm not going to feel guilty about this. I mean, it's sad that we don't get to be together, but it makes it even more important and exciting and comforting when we do get to eat again together when we do are when we are able to slow down and get through this we're going to get through this stage right we're going to get through this phase of may of busy may and we're going to sit down together we're going to be

able to have a meal because I know that her family has a culture of that like they enjoy being together around the table and Caroline sorry Caroline I know you listen I'm like talking about you now but Caroline doesn't really cook she doesn't like to cook like she's not even the cooking the house but she's contributing to a culture around the table because she knows that that is important no matter what the food is okay so let's shift let's shift from food has to be amazing what am i going to make for dinner to who's going to be at my table tonight i'm excited about who's going to be at my table the night the people the people that's what's important being around the table that is what is important That attitude adjustment, you guys, really, we could just stop at that one, and I promise you that that will make such a difference.

Because what you're doing is you're choosing to be a genius about what matters. If you really stop and think about it, being together and the environment and the mood and the aura and whatever word you want to use for like that thing in the air, when people are together and they feel good and warm and comfortable being together, that right. there is what you want to be a genius about. That is what you care about at dinner, not how good the chicken is. Now, if the chicken is gross all the time, sure, you might want to be like, I would like to learn more about how to make chicken better. We're going to get to that attitude adjustment, by the way, in a second. But that is not the focus. If you sit around with people that you care about and you guys laugh over eating frozen pizza, you're going to remember that meal more than sitting with people who you don't really care about or who are having a really bad attitude.

Everybody's really grumpy, even though the food tastes good, the number of times that I have made a dinner and I'm like, you guys, I know this tastes good. Why is everyone in such a bad mood? If I say that, which I have, at dinner to my people, how do you think that they're going to, are they going to really enjoy the culture around the table at that point where I'm like, this food is delicious. Stop whining and eat it. That is not a culture I want to contribute to even though I do. I do. But going back to that grain of sand, you know what's really great about that grain of sand? When you have meals where you feel that way, where your attitude is not great, where your own attitude is frustrated with the attitudes of the people around your table and you pop, you break, you get loud, you leave the table in a huff.

I'm talking to myself here. I've done all those things probably in the last two weeks. That is also a grain of sand. It is small. It does contribute. But what it does is it reminds you of, oh, I don't want to do that. I don't want my table to be like this all the time. How do you want your table to be? Change your attitude and create the kind of table that you want to have, not the kind of food you want to make. That is not the important thing or the most importantly. Okay.

So that is a big old sweep of attitude one. Attitudes two and three are a bit more specific. So let's hit number two. has discovered potential in over 20,000 Canadian athletes and counting. Your story could be next. If you've got the drive, they'll help you find your path to the Olympics. Let's see what you've got. Sign up for free at rbc trainingground.ca.

Aw isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw. A special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. I want you to think about I don't versus I can't.

I heard this from an online marketing business guru lady named Marie Forleo just this in the last couple of weeks. And she was talking, she was using this in the context of like habits, you know, like if you have, you know, if you eat ice cream every night and you're like, oh, I can't, I can't have ice cream anymore. I need to, okay, no, change it to. I don't eat ice cream like two nights in a row. Now I feel like that's a terrible sentence to say because I like eating ice cream every day, but that's a different story. But the concept of changing your attitude, shifting it from I can't to I don't, is actually really, really empowering. Let me give you some examples. I can't cook chicken. That phrase and that mentality, that attitude becomes, I don't know how to do this

very well yet, but I'm going to learn, right? I don't do this well yet, but I'm going to learn. Not like, I can't get to again. And then you start to feel, you know, really down on yourself every time you have to put chicken in a pan. And it makes you stressed and panicked and your attitude gets wonky again, right? Another example. Saying to your teenagers, you can't have phones at the table. That is taking something from them, which you're your parent. I mean, you're their parent. You're allowed to do. But if you even shift that to, we don't have phones at the table. Our family, we don't have phones at the table. Like, it's just, it's kind of non-negotiable, but not in a power grab sort of way. Right? You can't have dessert until you finish your dinner. That adjusts to, we don't fill up on sugar until we're mostly full on food.

that is a culture in our family we don't fill up on sugar until we're mostly full on food do you see the difference like at that tiny attitude adjustment from i can't to i don't really is super empowering and it puts everything in a in a perspective that feels um doable it feels accessible it doesn't feel like an us versus them or a you versus you thing you know like your head versus your heart and You're arguing with your soul and your psyche about how like you're a terrible person in the kitchen and you don't know what you're doing. No, no, no, no. It's not that you can't cook. It's that you don't know how yet.

Right? Or I don't need this to be the focus in order for my table to be important. You know, you can change your I can't to and I don't, whichever I don't that you need it to be. You can make it your own. But maybe you can start to think about notice when you're in the kitchen and you hear yourself saying out loud or in your head, I can't, we can't, you can't. Catch the word can't. See what comes after it.

Let it hang, do what it needs to do. You know, say that phrase. But then stop and think too. Can I change that to an I don't, a we don't, a you don't? And maybe that tiny attitude adjustment will make a difference around your table. I really, really believe that it will. Okay, so that's number two. I don't versus I can't.

And then finally, the third attitude that we're going to adjust so I read this in Mark Bittman's cookbook how to cook everything fast I will put this I'll put a link to that book in the show notes which today is the lazy genius collective.com slash lazy slash attitude so I will link to that cookbook and a couple of other things but the point is he he writes these books he's like I always think anybody who does the same type of writing over and over again, but in a new way, the chicken soup person. So he has chicken souped cooking, you know, because the chicken soup for the soul. It was like, chicken soup for the teenage soul, chicken soup for the mother's soul, chicken soup for all the souls. Mark Bittman knows how to cook everything.

So he wrote how to cook everything, which I own. He has how to cook everything fast, which I also own, how to bake everything, how to cook everything vegetarian. There are a couple of others, I think, but they're giant. They're like huge encyclopedias. There aren't a lot of pictures. But I tell you what man he knows what he's talking about and it is such a good reference it's organized really well i thought i loved how to cook everything and i do i have a hard copy of that um in the shelf if you follow me on instagram at the lazy genius you've seen my cookbook shelf it's the giant red cookbook up my cook book up by my sink um but i have how to cook everything fast um on my kindle which i absolutely love having that one online because of like cross-referencing and i can highlight recipes

I want to use and da-da-da-da, like it's so fun. But the point is, in the introduction to that book, he says, it changed my life. He said, fast doesn't mean frantic. I mean, did you hear all the microphones just dropping? Fast doesn't mean frantic. For me, fast does mean frantic. If I am hurrying to get dinner done, I am a frantic person. Now, I am kind of a frantic person by nature a little bit, a little high-strung sometimes.

hence my journey into being a lazy genius because I spent so much of my life trying to be a genius about stupid stuff that doesn't matter and made me all crazy. So I'm trying to kind of like zen things down a little bit. But I fast to me has always been frantic, especially in the kitchen. And I realized just by him saying that, it shifted something. Something clicked in my head where I was like, oh wait, I can totally get dinner on the table. quickly, but I don't have to be a human pinball machine about it. I can move slowly. Like, there was this story on, I'll, I can't remember the episode. If I find it, I'll put it in

the show notes, but don't hold your breath. But there is a podcast called The Tim Ferriss Show. And Tim Ferriss is this, he's like a professional experimenter, basically, that he's turned into this, like, mega popular podcaster. And he had one episode where he interviewed this guy, I don't remember who the guy was. I just remember the story. And the story was, this guy was, he would ride his bicycle, I guess, for exercise, and he was riding his bike every day or something. And it started to not be pleasant anymore.

And he was timing himself. He was trying to get done as quickly as he could. And it was something like he finished his route in, you know, 35 minutes. I don't know what the numbers were. And then, but he realized he wasn't enjoying it. And so he thought, you know, I'm driving. He lives in California, probably like Venice Beach or something fun. And, you know, he's like, I'm going to just pay attention now.

I'm going to look up. I'm going to just slow down. I'm going to look up. I'm going to look at the ocean. So he did. He took his regular back ride, took his regular route. He still timed it, but he watched the ocean. He paid attention to what he was doing.

He slowed down. When he got finished with his route, it only took him 37 minutes or something. It was like two or three minutes more. And the experience was exponentially greater because of his own. because of his attitude adjustment, because he wasn't being frantic. You can still be fast and not be frantic. Taking a deep breath, slowing down your breath, slowing down your brain, and just telling yourself, hey, it's cool, man.

You know, like, just getting all like surfer dude, hippie-dippy, Matthew McConaughey with a bongo drum. Maybe not high, though. I feel like you probably couldn't cook very well if you were high or take care of your children. It's fine. But if you stop your slow your breathing and slow your brain, that does not mean that doesn't affect how fast time moves time is going to move at the same right right so if we

slowing down doesn't make time go faster or slower it doesn't mean that like oh we're going to waste all this time because i'm not frantic no no you will enjoy even getting dinner on the table fast if you take the frantic out of it they don't have to go together fast and frantic do not have to go together. Isn't that amazing? It's like the most freeing thing. It is such a wonderful attitude adjustment in your kitchen. Okay, so let's look back at our three attitudes. Number one, you might have the wrong expectation and you might be focusing on the food too much. Focus on the table and the cultural culture around your table. Focus on the culture around your table, not the food that goes on it and see what happens. Attitude number two, think about I can't versus I don't. See if you can change your

I can't statements to I don't statements. And number three, fast doesn't mean frantic. It doesn't have to mean frantic. And I really believe that these attitude adjustments are going to change how you handle panic days, right? They really, really are. I've also written a blog post that you can access through the show notes as well that I'll link to. It's called How to Survive Dinner Time Panic. And it's a bit more practical.

It's not so much attitudey as it is actual practical tips about how to do that. So head over to the show notes and you can link to, you can click the link to read that. And it actually includes like recipe ideas. So I think it's definitely worth your time. So again, the lazy genius collective.com slash lazy slash attitude is where you can find that. Okay. So before we go, we need the lazy genius tip of the week. I wish that there was, I need like a ditty.

Like do do do do to do. It's fine. Um, this week's tip comes from Haley. Haley sent me an email a couple weeks ago and it was such a great idea. One that I have already implemented into my life. And it involves birthday gifts for children, namely friends of your own children. Because how many birthday parties do you get invited to? And it's like, you don't want to be, you don't want to be chinty.

Like you want to be generous and you want to give the kid a gift because it's their birthday. And like, that's fun. Like, that's one of the most fun. things when you're a kid about it being your birthday she got presents from your friends it's the best but when you're the when you're the parent of the kid who's going to the party and you're like oh my word another birthday party and i don't know this kid i don't know what this kid likes here is haley's lazy genius tip choose a theme for the year or maybe ever maybe a year is better because if you get getting invited to the same birthday parties it might not go so well um but choose a theme for the year of

the gifts that you're going to give for all the parties the example she's you're gave was puzzles. She said this year, it's puzzle year. And so she and her kids, they like actually picked out a bunch of puzzles. Or you could even just know in your head, like for every birthday party that we're, we're going to go to, the kids getting a puzzle. And you can go and pick out a puzzle that meets that kids preferences, you know, or just get one that like looks kind of cool. But it takes a decision away. Like that is one of the most lazy genius things that you can do in your life for anything. That's why I love the ways to beat your Monday. That's why I love all these things like that help you stop making decisions. I love pasta Monday. Like you know that you're going to have

post on Mondays. It takes away decision. You can save your brain for something else. The fewer decisions that you have to make the better. So if you can pre-make them lovely. And this is a great way to do that. So some examples could be puzzles. I actually love that idea. Legos, art supplies, sports. You know, there could be any theme that you want to pick, and it's not like my little pony, right? It's an overarching type of thing. You could do books, whatever it is, board games. But think about something, an overarching theme, and every single birthday party that your kid gets invited to, that is what you choose. You choose from that category, and it eliminates 90% of the store when you go to Target to get the gift.

And it's such a great idea. It's so simple. It's so amazingly simple. It's yet another tiny attitude adjustment, but it's an actual decision adjustment. It's like, oh, I'm going to make one tiny decision that's going to make this decision later be so much easier. So thank you, Haley, for sharing that tip with us. Okay, you guys, thanks for listening, as always. If you like this podcast, and I am so honored if your answer to that question is yes.

But if you do like this podcast, I would be so grateful for you to share this with someone. Tell a friend. you can post about it on Instagram. Some of you guys do. And every time you do, it just makes me so humbled and excited. And I'm just glad that the things that we're sharing together are helping you that they're making a difference in your life. That is why I do this. It's the best thing ever. So if you love the show, share it just with one person. Like right now, you can link, you can, a lot of podcast apps, you can actually hit, there's a share button and you can send a link to someone or post it on Facebook or whatever it is. But that way we can make as many links.

lazy geniuses is possible, right? Don't you want to do that because everybody needs to be more of a lazy genius? Amen. Okay, thank you for listening and I will see you next week. Remember, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Bye guys. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Well. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You,

wherever you get your podcasts.