The Lazy Genius Podcast - #242 - What I Learned In My 40th Year

Episode Date: December 27, 2021

You guys, it’s the last episode of 2021, and it’s also my birthday today. And not just any birthday; today I turn 40! In early January, in episode 193, I shared seven things I wanted to do this year, in my 40th year, and today I’m going to share an update.   Helpful Companion Links Episode #193: What I Want to Do in My 40th Year The Popcast with Knox and Jamie Erin Moon Osheta Moore’s book Dear White Peacemakers Download a transcript of this episode.   This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Presents. Laura versus fruit flies. Swarming your fruit and terrorizing your kitchen, these little freaks multiply at a rate that would make a rabbit say, yo, chill. But Laura shopped on Amazon and saved on cleaning spray, countertop wipes, and fly traps. Hey, fruit flies, your baby boom ends here. Save the Everyday with Amazon. Hey there, you are listening to the Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. You guys, it is the last episode of 2021 and it's also my birthday today and not just any birthday. You guys today, I turn 40. 40. Okay, so since my birthday is at the end of a year, right, on December 27th, this year,

2021 has pretty much been my 40th year in its entirety. Now back in January, in episode 193, I shared seven things I wanted to do this year in my 40th year. And today I'm going to share an update. The serial box version is, drum roll please, I only did one of the seven. One. And that one was quite generic, as you'll soon hear. But even as I reflect on that list of seven things and why they did not happen in the way I imagine they would happen, I have learned even more about myself and how I operate in the world. What I learned from not completing the list might actually be better than completing the list. If you were to listen to episode 193, you'll hear me say that the whole reason I wanted to approach this past year with this list with intention was because I didn't want to

get rusty at self-awareness. I wanted to stay focused on who I am, what I need, how I love, what makes me happy, what I can do to contribute to the happiness and well-being of other people. The whole point was to continually reflect on who I am in the world and how the most core, whole-hearted version of myself can help make that world better. Paying attention to why these seven things didn't happen the way I thought, it actually helps me do that. Okay. Last year, the two big things, the big undercurrents that I,

I wanted to pay specific attention to that mattered to me personally, not my family, not my work necessarily, but to me personally. We're honoring my body in whatever ways it needed and finding joy for myself and or offering it to others. Now, after 2020, we thought 2021 would have like a big upswing of needed joy as we moved back to normal. Now, while the upswing part was true, we are still looking for normal. So there's that. But honoring my body and seeking after joy were the two foundational things that mattered to me this past year. Now, I made a notebook. I called it my book of 40, where I wrote down these seven things, a few other goals and intentions I had that I didn't mention in that podcast. And it's where I put everything that mattered this past year. I journal. I wrote words about books

that I read. I took notes for my therapy sessions. That little notebook is where everything went that mattered, not to do list stuff and schedule stuff, but everything else. I pulled it out every morning as I sat in my morning chair before my kids woke up and I wrote something or marked something or looked back at something. It was a regular part of every day. And most days, at least for part of the year, which I will get to, have written evidence that I was in the pages. I was in my book of 40. So that happened like for the first six months of the year and then the summer came. And I did not have as much morning time. I started sleeping in a little bit as our daily routine changed as it does in the summer. And then I never added my book of 40 into another time of day or into a different routine or anything. Now I knew that was the case. I knew I was not opening the notebook very regularly. But I figured that I get back to it once school started. Well, here's what I didn't know. I did not know. I did not know. I was not. I was not. I was not. I was not. I was not. I was not. I was not. I was not. I was not. I was not. I was not. I was I was. I was I was that once all three of my kids were in school until mid-afternoon, you know, so there's no more preschool. There's no more three-hour preschool days. I didn't know that I would be able to experience

time to myself in a new way throughout the day. I do spend most of my weekdays working while the kids are in school, but I'm not as desperate for that solo morning time because I'm alone pretty much all day. I can take breaks when I need to. Plus, my two boys are older and they go to bed around like nine and even later than that. So my evenings, where it's just me and cause, they're a lot shorter too. That means I'll stay up a bit longer than I might before, which also means I like, I like sleeping later. I like getting that extra 45 minutes before my alarm goes off, right?

So back to my book of 40 and the reminders of my seven things that were within its pages. The last time, I looked back, the last time that I wrote in my book of 40 was August, August 16th. And it was where I took notes from a counseling session. The time before that was June 29th when I wrote some words about a book I read. I wrote words about people we meet on vacation. So, which is a great book, by the way. So really, the book of 40 was a huge part of my life for the first half of the year. And then literally not again after because my routine changed. Now, when I pulled out my notebook for this episode to look back on my things, and I saw that it had been that long since I'd written in it, did I feel a little ashamed? I did. Yes.

Very briefly. And then pretty much immediately was like, hey, wait, hold up. This is not a pass-fail thing. These were just intentions. And my life shifted to where what was a regular practice eventually wasn't anymore. Now, did I stay? I don't stop reading books. No, because I put book stuff in there. Did I stop reading books? Absolutely not. Did I stop honoring my body or seeking after joy? No. The book was not the reason those things happened. It was just a thing that captured tangible evidence, or at least one kind of tangible evidence. Now, an excellent thing this has taught me and can teach you too is that when our seasons of life change, so do our routines. And when our routines change, so. to our habits. That is normal. Super dupe normal. We don't have to beat ourselves up over that. Actually, like, please do not beat yourself up over that. There's no reason to do that. When a habit changes or stops altogether, notice what routine it was part of. And where did that routine go? How did it change? What made it change? What happened to your season of life that affected

your routine. Seeing that bigger picture, I think it can help you not like emotionally body slam yourself because you just didn't follow through or you didn't get it together or whatever, whatever unkind language you want to use towards yourself. Like, don't do that. Just notice. Notice that bigger picture. If you miss that habit that was part of a routine you don't have anymore because of a season of life change, if you miss that habit and you want it back, you can, look now at your season of life currently and the routines that you have in it currently now and see if that habit can attach to a new place. Sometimes you'll want it to and then sometimes the habit was something that was tied to a different time in your life or you're just a different

person now and you no longer need that habit. Seasons of life change routines and changed routines impact habits. Just stay neutral in that space and simply look for what matters to you. Don't give yourself a failing grade because you stop writing in a journal. Now on to the seven things. I'm going to zip through them in the order I listed them in the episode and I'm going to share why they did or didn't happen and what I learned from that thing because I really have learned a whole lot. Okay, so the first thing I wanted to do in my 40th year was to take 150 walks. Now, I love walking a lot. It's good for feeling like a person. Like I really feel like myself when I'm out for a walk outside. And I wanted to prioritize that. I don't know how many walks I

took because I stopped counting in June. I mean, it might have been 150, but it was likely a bit less than that. But what I've realized is that the number isn't what matters. I thought putting a number on the number of walks would legitimize those walks somehow, give them value, make the walks count toward something. But they didn't. Like I literally stopped counting. But I didn't stop walking. I go for walks very often. And I go when my body asks for it. Truly. Like I can feel in my body when I need a walk. And then I'll just go around the block. Or I'll go for a longer walk if it works out. or sometimes I just slowly make my way to the mailbox. The whole point of these seven things was to create specifics around things that mattered, right?

And remember, one of those big undercurrent things was honoring my body. And I did that. Even if I don't have the marked out 150 walks to prove it, I did honor my body by listening to it when it wanted to walk. And that's way better. That's way better than the number. So I think I will likely not have. have numbers around this kind of thing for me anymore. The numbers are kind of in the way of what

actually matters, which leads me to the second thing I wanted to do, and that was to do 40 hours of yoga. Again, another number attached to something that does matter. Now, I really do enjoy yoga. I do, and it's good for me. But my yoga is a very tiny sliver of my day. Like sometimes it's just one pose. Now, I wanted to add more of it into my life this past year, because it is good for me. It does matter to me. But I found very quickly, very quickly, like February quickly, that the number of 40 hours was a hang up. It put me in a position to fail because doing more than a minute or two, it just never really happened. Now, in the last few weeks of this year, I've actually come upon a bit of a block in my spirit around yoga and kind of active exercise

in general. Walking isn't included in it weirdly, but anything else related to tending to my body. Yoga, my physical therapy exercises for my knee, I have a block. There's something in there that I need to uncover with the help of my therapist, and I truly have no idea what it is yet. I don't know. But I know it's there. And it's a big part of the why, of why I basically shut down on tracking the yoga about a month into the year. So I've got some discovering to do in that area. So I just kind of let that one go. The third thing I wanted to do was to choose books I really love. 2021 was not going to be the year of stretching myself when it comes to genre. And this is the one thing I actually did. You can't really log this, which is why I think it worked.

This was just an intention toward my reading that I would only read books I was super excited about for whatever reason, different reasons, but I wanted to be like super stoked. And I quit three books this year that should have been in my wheelhouse. Honestly, they came highly recommended. Even to me, they felt like they would be great. But once I started reading, I was like, no, this is just not for me. And so I quit them. And that was a good practice. I've been really happy with my reading life this year. I do wish I had read more. I think that's the only thing I'd like to change. I got out of rhythm with reading like a couple of times this year. and I missed it. I missed it when I wasn't reading. As we have discovered, I don't like putting

specific numbers on how much I read or do anything really, because then I'm kind of rushing to get to the number rather than just reading. But I do want to read every day. Actually, as I say that, I wonder if that's like the thing to do is just to read every day, like even a page. because days when I don't read are not as fun as days that I do. And so that makes sense. I think I'll sit with that a little bit to see if that's something that I want to kind of name out loud for this next year. But ultimately, I did read books this year that I really loved because I didn't push myself into genres that I knew that I wouldn't really like and that would stop my momentum in reading. Some years I will do that.

But this past year I did not. and I am glad that I did not. We'll be right back. RBC Training Ground has discovered potential in over 20,000 Canadian athletes and counting. Your story could be next. If you've got the drive, they'll help you find your path to the Olympics.

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but effortless, like actually effortless. Simply press, brew and explore. Nispresso, what else? Keep exploring at nespresso.com. Aw, isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of of art. I'm Dacker Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. So the fourth thing that I wanted to do in my 40th year was that I would make a watch list and actually watch the shows and movies on it. I did not do this. I didn't even make a real list. I mentioned a few shows. I mentioned a few shows.

in passing in that episode back in January. Ted Lassow, Shitz Creek, The Good Place, The Mandalorian, Bridgerton. I think those were the ones that I mentioned. Now, I did watch Bridgeton, and I loved it. I loved it. I watched that one by myself. Cause and I did start Ted Lasso, and we have loved the first seven or eight episodes that we have seen, but we only started watching it last month in November. This was not like an intense 2021 endeavor. So a couple of learnings from this one. This year has not really allowed TV watching with me and cause together to be part of it. Our season of life, it requires us to stay up until 11 o'clock watching shows because when our kids go to bed.

And that's just not our story. Also, maybe even bigger than that is we just love sports so very much. so most nights are spent watching sports. If we're watching anything, we're watching a game. Also, another thing I learned from this is that bringing other people into year-long intentions like this does not really work for me. I wanted to watch most of those shows with Cause, but it doesn't really always work out for us to do that. I watched Bridgeton because I watched Bridgerton. Cause didn't. I just watched it in the cracks and it was great. Now, this is a slightly like deeper point that I'm not sure I have complete words for yet, but I also think I'm in a season

of life, or maybe not even of life, of just like my personhood, where TV is less palatable for me. I'm not sure why. It's not like TV is bad. Like I really do love TV. But I just, and I don't think this will be true forever as I say this. But right now, I don't really enjoy watching TV. even the shows I just listed. We're a little bit into Ted Lassow and I love it. It's great. We are halfway through Shits Creek and I love it. It's also great. We didn't do any of the others, but I'm sure they're great. But the point is, if I stopped right now and did not see any more of those shows again,

if I didn't see any more Ted Lassow or Shits Creek, I'd be okay. I just don't enjoy the act of watching TV right now, which is weird because that used to be my favorite thing to do. I started watching a few, a couple months ago, I started watching the chair on Netflix because it was a green light on the pop cast with Knox and Jamie. And when Jamie, I think, was the one that green lit it when she was describing it, I was like, oh, that sounds like me. And so I started watching it like during lunch. And while I really enjoyed the first two episodes or so that I saw, and I can tell that on paper it's a show that I would love, I can also tell that when I watch it in any show for that matter, I'm only halfway in it. I just don't care. The only exception, truly, the only exception from this year was Midnight Mass. That thing was dark and amazing and a journey I would take again. But for the most part, like, I just don't have any motivation to watch TV. Again, I don't imagine it will always be that way. I still don't fully understand why, but it's okay that I don't know and that it's that way for right now. Okay, the fifth thing on my list.

was to learn more about the sermon on the Mount. That's a highly spiritual one on this list. But for the continued formation of my own faith, I wanted to spend some time in this famous message of Jesus. I bought a study book for it. I got a special journal to take notes about it. And I barely read the first few pages of that study book. And I took maybe three days worth of notes in that journal. But here's the thing. What was beautiful is that the sermon on the Mount came into my life in other ways. Aaron Moon, who I love, released her annual Lent guide during the Lenton season earlier this year. And her focus was the Sermon on the Mount. I also read O'Shea Moore's book, Dear White Peacemakers, and she used the Sermon on the Mount as a framework

for that book. So I spent time in that sermon. And I dug into those words more. But I would like to keep digging. I didn't dig in the way that I expected to. I don't know how. I that digging will look tomorrow, much less for 2022. But this is not something to check off anyway. I can't completely learn the sermon on the mount. This isn't like a test I'm studying for. It's just a posture I'm exploring because I want to learn more about who Jesus is, especially as I see how much the Jesus of the Bible and the Jesus of the sermon on the Mount is not really the Jesus of the Western evangelical church on the whole, but that is a very different conversation for a very different day. So we will, we will move on from that one. The sixth thing that I wanted

to do, I wanted to host a big party. And I did not do that. Okay, so I love hosting parties, like big all honkin theme parties. I love it with my whole heart. And we had just gone through a year of not seeing anyone, right? So I wanted to host a party in 2021. And I didn't. We still aren't really at a place for big gatherings. Now, I did host kind of a mediumish party for some, friends. It was a surprise for them after kind of a long busy season in their lives. I planned it with a handful of other people. It was lovely. It was at my house. We masked up inside, which was lovely in one way because we were caring for each other. And then obviously not so lovely in the other because nobody loves wearing a mask, like as a choice. And the party was really chill. It wasn't like my typical

theme party that when I talk about wanting to host a big party. Like when I say I want to host a big party, big plans, big theme, and I didn't do that this year. And that's okay. It's okay. I will throw a party at some point. I don't know if it'll happen in 2022. I did have a little disappointment around knowing that I didn't throw a big party this past year. So I don't know if I want to make that a goal in a year that is still going to be kind of unknown, right? And then finally, the seventh thing I wanted to do in my 40th year was to see a Penny and Sparrow concert. Now, Penny and Sparrow concert. Now, Penny and Spar is my favorite band. I love music.

Love it. It's one of my favorite things in the whole world. I missed live music so much in 2020. And I thought I would be able to buy all the concert tickets to 2021. I bought concert tickets for one show in October of this year. And I ended up giving them to a friend because I just didn't feel comfortable going. However, I have already purchased tickets to one Penny and Sparrow show in 2022. And I have plans to go to a second,

maybe even a third show. The good news is they are on tour for their new album, Ali, The Same Time that I will hopefully be on tour for my new book, The Lazy Jeannie's Kitchen. So I'm not even joking. I'm like literally orienting my tour schedule alongside theirs. Like it's a very high priority for me to see them in concert. So those were the seven things that I wanted to do in 2021 in my 40th year. And I really, truly did only one of them. And that was just to read books I love. But also, that's a beautiful thing to intend for a year, you know? It can be general like that. I want to release guilt in thinking, like specifically for reading that I have to read what

everyone else is reading. And you can sub in whatever scenario makes sense in your own life, right? And here's the thing. This is really important. I had a really good 2021. Now, it wasn't really good because a lot of good things happened, even though a lot of good things did, but a lot of hard things happened to, probably more hard than good. I think this was personally one of the hardest years I've had in probably a decade. 2020 might have been close, but I am different. My circumstances were difficult and still are in many ways. There are relationships that need care. There are people who I love who are hurting desperately. There are new parenting challenges that we're going through, full-time working mom challenges. I'm trying to

figure out. And all of these things were very new this year. But I am different. I am better equipped to ride the waves of those difficult things and the emotions that they bring without judgment, which is why, even though this is probably like the hardest year personally that I've gone through, I think it might be the most personally fulfilling year I've ever had. I feel more like myself than I ever have before. And even though those seven things that I named were meant to facilitate that feeling, just because I didn't meet those things perfectly by number or whatever, it doesn't mean that they weren't useful or that they didn't go in the direction I hoped for.

I am continuing to become more of myself. And that really matters a lot. I don't know if I'm going to make a list for 2022. We'll see. But I am genuinely grateful for what 2021 and my 40th year have both taught me. I hope that as you maybe take some time this week to reflect like we're all likely to do before the new year, that you will look more at who you are becoming more than what you have done. And since it's my birthday, I'm going to make myself the latest genius of the week.

And I'm just going to say, thank you, thank you to all of you for making this last year such a gift to me. This space would not exist without you. If you didn't listen, I would not make this podcast. If you did not watch Instagram stories or read my newsletter or read my book or share your excitement about my next book, I would not have a reason to do this. you guys invest in each other in indirect ways that you might not see in some ways very direct. I see it in the comments.

You guys are truly the reason I'm able to have a job that makes me feel like myself. And for that, I am deeply, genuinely grateful. Thank you as always for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. Happy New Year, and I'll see you next week. You ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that.

More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me,

but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. to becoming you wherever you get your podcasts.