The Lazy Genius Podcast - #255 - How to Name What Matters

Episode Date: March 28, 2022

This episode is one of those rare ones that I’m like - wait, did we not do that yet? It’s so desperately essential to living like a Lazy Genius, and I’ve never actually done an episode or spent a length of time talking about how to do this, how to name what matters. Because y’all ask often how to do this. It feels like everything could matter, and it’s hard to have a rhythm for figuring it out in your own life. So that’s what we’re going to do today!   Helpful Companion Links The Lazy Genius Kitchen is almost here! And we’re hosting a Pub(lication) Crawl to celebrate. Get more details about our events in Chicago, DC, and Greensboro here. We talk about principles a lot in this episode. You can read all about them in The Lazy Genius Way. Download a transcript of this episode.     This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Hey there, you're listening to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 255, how to name what matters. This episode is one of those rare ones that I'm like, wait, did we not do that yet? It is so desperately essential to living like a lazy genius. And I've never actually done an episode or spent a length of time talking about how to do this, how to name what matters. you all ask often how to do this. It feels like everything could matter, right? And it's hard to have a rhythm for figuring it out in your own life. So that's what we're going to do today. But first, I want to make sure you know about something very exciting that's happening. You might know it's book time, guys. You might know I have a book coming out in 36 days. It's almost a month away. So exciting. It's called The Lazy Genius Kitchen. Have what you need. Use what you have and enjoy it like never before. And we are celebrating its release with a handful of fantastic events. We just had one last week.

It was a virtual kickoff to our pub location crawl, and it was ridiculously fun. And now the three events we have left are in-person events. You guys. And the next one is next week, April 7th in Chicago. Okay. At Greenhouse Loft, we are having a kind of fancy, slightly sparkly, book reading and Q&A. We have a few tickets left for that. So if you are in the area or want to travel to the area, it's going to be a really fun, again, kind of fancy, slightly sparkly, good time in the same room. Also, for the record, if any of you are like Kendra, I love you so much, I'm not a kind of fancy slightly sparkly person. Can I still come? Can I still come? Of course you can. Of course you can. Here's the thing.

Personalities and vibes can be kind of fancy, slightly sparkly, too, right? It doesn't have to be your shirt or whatever. So everyone is invited to come in whatever makes you comfortable. I personally will be wearing some sort of sequined situation probably, maybe. Latoya, who is our lazy genius community manager, she is going to be there at this event. And I've seen her dress that she's bringing. She is going to look amazing. I am not usually a dresser person for the record, so I get it.

But sometimes it's a really fun thing to do. It's fun to have a reason to wear that bold lip that you don't always have the confidence to wear, which I still think you can wear on a regular day, by the way. Or like that sparkly top or that super fun skirt or whatever that just doesn't make sense for you on a regular Thursday. Well, next Thursday is not a regular Thursday, guys. It is a lazy genus live event Thursday. So if you would like to come, tickets are available at the lazy genius collective.com

slash pub crawl. The other two events are in D.C. and Greensboro, my hometown. D.C. is already sold out, but we still have some tickets left for Greensboro. So all event info is at that website, which we will link to in the show notes. Okay. Today's episode, how to name what matters. First, a quick reminder why it matters to name what matters. Do you know what I'm going to do right now?

I did this last week, and I never asked permission. I hope this is not against, like, the rules, but I didn't ask permission then, and I'm not going to now. I'm going to read an excerpt from the Lazy Genius Kitchen titled, why What Matters? Because I'm a good writer, and I say things like that. And remember, this is from a kitchen book. So some of the examples I'm about to read are kitcheny, but overall it's the same idea, right? Okay, here we go. This is an excerpt from the Lazy Genius Kitchen under the headline. That's not what it's called, like the little subtitle thing. Why, what matters matters. When you haven't figured out what

matters, you implicitly allow everything to matter. You buy more stuff, sign up for more services, and reorganize more cabinets to try to make life easier. You spin off in a dozen directions trying to make everything matter. But it can't. It just can't. That's why your kitchen, and everything else, is cluttered and your brain is overwhelmed. Unless you know what matters most about your space, your meals, how you plan them, and so forth, you'll simply tend to the most urgent need and repeat ad nauseum.

No one needs ad nauseum in the kitchen. You need to prioritize. When you prioritize what matters most, you see a clearer path to your best choices. You know clearly what to cook, organize, and renovate. You know what to buy, skip, and prep. You know if that chicken recipe is worth spending time on or not. When you prioritize, you have a lens for choosing only what you need, and I promise it works. Okay, that's an excerpt from the book. Now, that whole book teaches you how to name what matters in multiple areas of your kitchen. and then gives you tools on how to support those priorities.

So the Lazy Genius Kitchen is really targeted at doing what we're going to do in this episode in your kitchen specifically. Okay. So if you listen to this episode and you're like, ooh, I like this, you will really be sad to not have the Lacey Genius Kitchen on your shelf. I'm just telling you. The book is quite fantastic. Okay, but it covers the kitchen, right?

Today we're covering kind of everything else. The reason it's hard to name what matters is because it's overwhelming. It's too big. If I say to you, you should name what matters. About what? Like, that's a much, there's a much larger discussion to be had, right? And because we're lazy geniuses, though, we're going to start small, right? We're going to make our decisions smaller. When I get DMs and emails from y'all asking how to name what matters, you're usually asking on very broad terms. I don't know how to name what matters about my life because there's so much going. on. Absolutely there is, which is why you can't start from everything. You have to start small

from somewhere specific. And here's how you can do that. Now, I'm going to share this process as though you are writing stuff on a piece of paper, but you don't have to write anything down if you're not a writer-downer, okay? But I'm going to use that language just because I imagine that's what a lot of you will do is make a list. So we'll just keep it a little streamlined in our language, but you do what you need to do. First, I want you to narrow down the area of life. What area of your life would benefit most right now in this season or on this actual day from naming what matters about it?

What would benefit most? So some areas that you could include in your list. Your home, your work, your family, your time management, or you as a person, okay? if you were to write down kind of your broad categories, which one of those feels the most overwhelming? Another way to think about it is what which one of those broad categories feels like if it were considered and nurtured and paid attention to, that it would impact the health of the other categories. That's another angle. So first I want you to name your single broad category. We'll be right back.

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off, you feel tired, you feel cranky, you're uncomfortable in your skin. You just don't feel like yourself. Okay. Now, we're not going to ask yet what matters most about you because that's still too big. It's still too big, especially if you have not been in a regular practice of naming what matters. It's just too big. So let's break it down. We're going to break you down into categories. Okay. Now, what area of you could be tended to?

Is it your energy, your mental health, your physical body, your joy, your sleep, your attitude? What is overwhelming or difficult for you? What category about you? Okay. So you're going to name like you're going to break you down into pieces and then you're going to which one of those kind of speaks the loudest, which one of those seems like it's the biggest pain point or the most overwhelming thing right now? Then we keep going smaller, okay? So let's say

it's your physical body. Let's say you make that broad list of things and it's your physical body. You just physically feel off or whatever word you want to use. So what things could be contributing to that? We're going to list those out. Ready? It's like, is it how your clothes fit? is it how you think your clothes should fit? Is it what you're eating or not eating? Is it how you're sleeping or not sleeping? Is it pain? Are you experiencing pain?

Like, what is it? Or what do you think could be contributing to how you're feeling? You're still making it smaller, right? You're making it smaller. I shared this somewhere. I don't remember where exactly. I think it was the most recent episode about what's saving my life, I think. But recently I realized that I was feeling uncomfortable,

and just off because I was wearing pants that were too small. We all, like many people have talked about this. This is not a new thing. I remember reading about bigger pants in one of Leanna Tinkersley's books, Emily P. Freeman, I think has a whole next right thing episode about wearing bigger pants, I think. So this is not a new concept. But for some reason, we don't let it sink in. We don't let it sink in. We keep trying to wear the smaller pants, even though the bigger ones will fit us better and make us more comfortable. Now, when I started wearing pants that actually fit in the last month or two, it was a game changer. I felt better. I looked better. I wasn't groaning or feeling all like crammed up when I was driving to pick up the kids or sitting up my desk.

I had a pair of, quote, bigger pants in my closet, but those bigger pants are now my regular pants and I needed more regular pants. I kept reaching for the bigger ones and feeling bad about it. And then I was like, no, thank you. That is a waste of energy. And I just got some bigger pants. And it really changed so much about my day-to-day life. What mattered was that I wear pants at fit. We should all wear pants of fit.

But if your problem is you're wearing pants that are too small, but you start too big in the how can I lazy genius this situation, you're going to create a much larger solution than is necessary. because your problem is also much too large. You have named that you're feeling off and just kind of like, all the time. Then instead of narrowing down what's not going the way you want it to go and creating smaller, simpler solutions around smaller, simpler definitions of what matters,

you might create like a new lunch regimen and you're going to do some big workout commitment and you're going to stay grumpy at your people in the late afternoon because you have been in very uncomfortable pants for like eight hours at this point, right? And also, you might be wearing sweatpants a lot more than you want to because those are the ones that are the most comfortable and they fit you. But sweatpants energy multiple days in a row might not be good for you. Now, I'm not saying that's universally true, by the way. I'm just giving an example. Like, sweatpants energy is great.

But you see what I'm saying? If you try and name what matters about something big, you will not be able to create solutions that do anything. You won't be able to even name what matters because it's too big. So start small, make it smaller. Choose a category and keep breaking that category down. Now, once you're pretty far down in figuring out what the problem is, right, and you're like, okay, I see it now. I see that I don't need to name what matters about my whole house.

I need to name what matters about my kitchen. More specifically, my fridge, more specifically how it's organized, because I can't find anything and things are going bad and more specifically what we're putting in there in the first place. See, now that you're there, you can go, okay, what matters about what goes in our fridge? You have a specific question, a specific place to pour your lazy genius energy into now. Now that you're here, in this specific place, you can use those three questions that I've mentioned in multiple places, multiple times, to help you name what matters. It's all about narrowing down. Number one, what could matter? Two, what does matter? And three, what matters most? You're just

narrowing down. So once you narrow down the problem, then you narrow down the solution. Okay? So what could matter about what goes in your fridge? That it will last a long time, that you're using what could spoil earlier that you know what's inside your fridge, that it's not crammed full, that your kids can access what they need to access. You see, like, all of those things could matter. They all could matter about what goes in your fridge and therefore, like, how it's used and organized. So I want you to just simply keep narrowing down your list to one thing. Like, this is what matters most about this particular problem. It's not that the rest doesn't matter. It's just that you need one primary thing to matter most. Knowing what matters most to you will help you make better,

more specific, and intentional decisions about whatever area of life you're thinking through. So the gist is you narrow down the problem, you make it smaller, and then you narrow down the solution, and you make it smaller. Smaller steps actually move you guys. They do. You might think that a simple choice of wearing pants that fit could not possibly change all the chaos you feel like you live in. But if your physical comfort, if it matters to you and you can see that it impacts your emotions and your attitude, that is a beautiful small step that you can take that will have a huge impact. Huge. Okay. That's what happens with a lot of us. When you name what matters about something super small, it has exponential impact. It's the big stuff that doesn't do anything.

It just doesn't. If it did, we'd all be doing the big thing successfully. And that's where an entire industry has been built on self-help, right? Because we can't seem to get it all together and do everything and be totally optimized with these amazing big goals. That's the posture of the self-help industry, bigger and better, and you need help with that. And I'm just here to say, no, ma'am, no ma'am. smaller, simpler. You. Just be you. Name what matters to you in a very small area of your life and apply a simple solution to that thing in a small way.

And then just keep living. I promise it's so much better and easier and more you than any of the other stuff. And the more you do this, the more you practice this and pay attention to moments, small moments that you can go, huh, what matters here in this particular point, in this particular moment? You start to notice patterns about what matters to you. You start to collect evidence. It's almost like a puzzle. Actually, it's exactly like a puzzle. And I'm so excited about this metaphor. All right. It's like a puzzle. Every piece on its own feels too small and insignificant, right? It's just a piece. But each piece has an identity. Each piece is part of the picture.

And all those parts come together to paint a fuller picture of you and your life and what matters overall. So the more you identify what matters piece by piece, the more you'll be able to name what matters on the whole. The picture will become clearer. It's all connected. There's a whole section in my first book, The Lazy Genius Way, where I talk about what matters to you in different areas, how those things talk to each other. your priorities talk to each other. And the more individual words or puzzle pieces or small things that matter, the more of those that you have that you've slowly named in whatever season of life you're in,

the more complete your purpose will become. I'm actually very excited about this puzzle thing. I hadn't thought about it that way before. It's so much fun. So again, narrow down the problem by starting with big categories. Choose one, break that down. choose another one thing, break that down, until you get to a small enough problem you can easily solve. Then in order to find the right solution, ask yourself what matters most about that particular

small problem. And if you're having trouble naming what matters, remember those three questions. What could matter? What does matter from that list of what could matter? And then what matters most, right? Just make a list and eliminate. This process, naming what matters, on the whole, it feels overwhelming because you've been trying to do this with things and ideas and challenges that are just too big. Make your problem small and make your solution small by naming what matters about one puzzle piece, just one, just one. And that's how you name what matters. Now, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week it's Aaron Vidlerd. Sorry, Aaron, I don't know how to say your last name. And this might be one of my favorite

lazy genius ideas ever. I love this. Okay, ready? Aaron wrote me this. Hi, I use lazy genius principles on the daily, but wanted to share a new way I recently used setting a house rule. My husband was accepted into a Ph.D. program that means we'll be moving states. It's an exciting change, but of course, comes with so many layers of emotion, many that are different between us. So shortly after the news, I said, let's set a rule where we only talk about moving or new houses or dreams or plans at a restaurant or a coffee shop because we'll be nicer to each other. We often have better, kinder, and more connected conversations in a different place than our apartment. It's been so helpful and we felt like a much stronger team in making this envisioning intentional and more special.

Thanks for writing and teaching in ways that allow us all to take our concepts, take your concepts, and apply them to our unique lives in any season. You guys, you guys, this is amazing and beautiful, and I am obsessed with this. Erin, thank you for sharing this with me so I could share it with the entire lazy genius community. I just love that you have modeled how a house rule can do exactly what it's meant to do, create connection, not protection.

This is just so good. So congratulations on being our lazy genius of the week. Okay, that is it for today. Don't forget to get your tickets for the Chicago Pub Crawl event that's happening in Chicago next week on April 7th. It's going to be so much fun. I can't wait to meet you. And if you're going to the popcast show

in Chicago, the very next day, you have just like a midweek bundle of frivolity. I will be there. We'll just have a blast. All right, thanks for listening, you guys. And until next time, the genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I'll see you next week.

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