The Lazy Genius Podcast - #256 - How to Make Time for Fun

Episode Date: April 4, 2022

We are very good at talking about productive things, domestic things, hard being-a-person things, but we don’t often talk about specifically fun things. The busier we are, the more humans we interact with and care for, the more we don’t deal with the mounting pressure of what it means to be a person in this world right now, we don’t leave a lot of room for fun. And I want us to actually systemize it today. I want us to Lazy Genius fun and for you to figure out how to add more fun to your life on purpose.   Helpful Companion Links Details about our upcoming Pub Crawl events in Chicago, DC and Greensboro. Bonus episode with my sister Hannah Emily P. Freeman on Instagram Get to Work Book by Elise Blaha Cripe Download a transcript of this episode.   This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Today is episode 256, How to Make Time for Fun. We are very good at talking about production. things, domestic things, hard being a person things, but we don't often talk specifically about fun things around here. Now, sometimes we do. The recent bonus episode where my sister Hannah and I played Sister Speed Dating comes to mind, that was fun. Or episodes about what's saving my life, sometimes those have fun things. And if you follow me on Instagram at The Lazy Genius or are planning on coming to one of the Lazy Genius Kitchen Pub Crawl events, you know we will have a lot of fun. Love fun. But here on the podcast, we don't talk much about the how of fun, how to make time and

room for fun. We do talk about rest. Schedule rest is the 12th lazy genius principle of the 13. And some restful things are also fun. But as we all know, it's been a hard two years for many of us. The busier we are, the more humans we interact with and care for, the more we don't really deal with the mounting pressure of what it means to be a person in this world right now. I mean, good gravy, y'all. We do not leave a lot of room for fun. And I want us to actually systemize it today. I want us to lazy genius fun. I do. And I want you to figure out how to add more fun to your life on purpose. Plus, as my friend, Annie F. Downs says, you need to name what's fun for you. We all have different ideas of what's fun for us. So don't let someone else's definition change how you feel about it,

mine even, including mine. So what I want today is for you to have a plan to do something fun today, another thing sometime this week, and another fun thing in the next month or two. You're only allowed three fun things for the next 60 days. I am very much kidding. But also, when I listed that out, when I just said, all right, we're going to plan something fun for today. We're going to plan something fun for this week. And we're going to plan something like a big fun sometime in the next month or two. were you a little resistant kind of like well i mean okay i can maybe try and do something this weekend but today is already shot and like a bigger fun thing coming soon like kendra do you know that next month is may and may is crazy for everyone like you're sort of arguing with me about fitting three

fun things into the next 60 days of your life like that's a little ridiculous isn't it but ridiculous or not that's what i want for you by the time you finish this episode i want three fun things, at least in their idea stage. Okay? Ready? Now, the first question we're going to ask is, what is fun? I did not originally start this episode without being the first question because I'm like, well, I mean, okay. But as I broke it down, I realized that some of the things I personally thought I found fun aren't actually fun. They are pleasant, they're restful, but they're not fun. So what exactly is fun? What makes a good? What makes a good? What makes? makes it different from pleasant or restful. Well, a good old look in the dictionary defines fun as

enjoyment, lighthearted pleasure. P.S. Does anyone else think of like wedding toasts when a person says the dictionary defines such and such as because I totally do. All right. So fun is enjoyment, lighthearted pleasure. That checks out. Because some of the like pleasant, restful things on my list, they are enjoyable, but they don't amuse me. They don't necessarily make me lighthearted. I think that some of my things, some of my restful things, they actually make my heart feel heavier and safe, which might be weird, but that's the image I have when I'm resting, that everything in my body is becoming more relaxed and settled and heavier. Fun is more upward. It's lighter. And there's more laughter. And there's more laughter.

in fun things than in restful things. So that's the first question that wasn't really going to be a question at all in this, but it really, I think, is important to define. What is fun? Fun is enjoyment and lighthearted pleasure. I'm going to come back to some nuance of that in just a second. Now the second question is, what do you do for fun? Emily P. Freeman, our beloved, shared this recently in her newsletter,

that she is in the process of learning what she does for fun. Shopping secondhand is her current answer, but she's still curious about it and she's learning as she goes. I also love that she's been sharing this because we think that as adults we're supposed to know what we like to do for fun. I mean, right? It's like we've been here for multiple decades. Like, how do we not know what we like to do for fun? But so many of us don't, especially when we're deep into adulthood, and we shouldn't feel any shame about that. I think that's something that's very important to remember as you begin to name this first. for yourself is that what you do for fun will likely change. And that might be why some of us are a

little stuck in what we do for fun, because what we do for fun has changed. Now, that's a pretty simplistic statement, but we forget it's true, you know? Like when I was a teenager, I really am embarrassed to tell you this, but my idea of fun, gosh, it's making me realize what kind of teenager I was. But my idea of fun was to go to Barnes & Noble with my high school best friend Katie by whatever personality test booklet we could find. We would then take it back to her house for a sleepover. We would take the personality test ourselves. And then we would take the personality test again for the guys we had crushes on to see

if our results made good pairs. Like we pretended to be them and answer the way we think they would answer. This was tremendously fun and also a little unhinged, but we will bypass the judgment today. But listen, pals, I do not do that now. Like, that is no longer, that is no longer my idea of fun. I mean, I know that. I know that. But saying it, saying it out loud, saying just in general out loud, what I used to do for fun

and what I like to do for fun now are probably two different things. And that has a lot of power. If that statement is true, it has a lot of power. So as you ask yourself what you do for fun, remember that you have likely changed, you have likely changed since the last time you were doing more fun things more often, right? If you have changed, then what's fun has probably changed to. And that's normal and good. So just acknowledge that.

And I think the rest of this will probably go a little smoother. So as we sit on this question of what you do for fun, I wonder if it would be a good idea to make a quick list. I love a good list. So I don't know what you're doing right now, but maybe you could actually pause this episode and grab like a scrap piece of paper and just jot down what you like to do for fun. Now here, I made my own list and here is where I want to bring some of the nuance that I learned when I looked at my list. Okay. This is what I wrote down for what I do for fun. I have fun when I watch a comedy special or I hang out with like really funny people when I read a book in a quiet house when I see a show or watch a movie,

when I watch a great game like a basketball game or football game that's down to the wire or that showcases somebody's like crazy athletic talent like when Steph Curry goes on like a crazy spree. I love it. When I get to be competitive and no one judges me for it, that competitiveness has come up a couple times in the last month or so. When I get to hang out with friends, especially in like a new place, when I have people over for dinner, and when I get to participate in music as either a listener, like as a concert or like as a musician, I get to play music with people, those are the things that I wrote down. Okay.

Now here's what I realized when I looked at my list. And I briefly mentioned this nuance already, but now I want to like break it down. Some things are more pleasant and restful than fun. Reading, for example. Reading is probably my favorite hobby, but it's not always fun. It's always pleasant, but it's not always fun. The level of fun changes depending on the type of story it is for me. So if I read like a sweeping family saga, which I don't do much, that's not my favorite.

I don't love like historical fiction. like literary fiction and big family stories, but I still read them sometimes. So if I read a story like that and it makes me think it shows some interesting relationships, it was beautiful writing, you know, like whatever. I would probably say that reading that book was like, it was good. You know, if someone asked me like, how was the book? I'd say it was really good. Whereas when I read Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson, one of the funniest books I've ever read, I would say, like, that was so fun. If someone said, how was the book? I would say it was so fun. I feel the same when I read like a twisty thriller and I get to the end, you know, with like my mouth agape.

I have said that out loud to myself before. I was going to, I was trying to find the book that I was reading where I did because there was a recent situation where I was reading a thriller. I finished the thriller and I said out loud in the room, that was so fun. So reading is always pleasant to me, but only certain types of reading are fun to me. I think that's really interesting. The same is true of movies and TV. In some ways, I think I would say that watching TV and movies is fun, but actually that's not always true. Sometimes it's just pleasant and good, and I like it, you know, but it isn't always fun. Mayor of Easttown isn't fun. Middletch and Schwartz is. And it's not just comedies versus dramas either. Like, it's an enjoyable

amusing, light-hearted story. Movies that are not technically comedies, comedies that I think are true and fun for me. Black Widow is so fun. Shang-chi is so fun. That movie where Mark Wahlberg is trying to steal the gold from Edward Norton and everyone's driving a mini-cooper, like that movie is so fun. A lot of dramatic things can be fun for me because there's a lightness there. And maybe it's also my own definition, right? Why am I defining movies right now, you guys? Okay, here's my point, though. think that the nuance between pleasant and fun is a really important one for me. It might not be for you, but it really is for me. I didn't know that until I made the list. Fun to me is like things or people that make me laugh, that make me laugh, that take me on a ride of some sort of either

being like really competitive or like a really good story or things that allow me to participate in something collectively special, and especially when music is there, like a concert or a big dinner party or something, those things land differently for me than reading or baking or cross-stitching. Those three things make me feel like myself and are like to a point fun. I love them. I do them every day. I do at least one of those things every single day. But when I think about the kind of fun I want to make time for that I want to add into my life, I want to laugh. I want to laugh. I want to get excited. I want to share something special with other people. That is different to me than making granola on a Saturday morning. I mean, I like baking and I like granola, but like, I don't know. It's not fun. I want to make time for those uniquely fun things to me. Now, not all fun things have to end in like uproarious laughter to count. Your list is your list, okay? But as you make your list, see if there is nuance in your list too. Does it help you to draw bit of a distinction between restful or pleasant things and then things that are like full of laughter

and excitement or whatever it is you want to experience. It might not matter to you, but I wanted to bring attention to it in case it does. And when you make your list, however long or short or incomplete it might feel, look to see if there is anything similar. If there is a through line or two of what is fun for you, that'll help you name other fun things and then find practice. ways to schedule. We'll be right back. RBC Training Ground has discovered potential in over 20,000 Canadian athletes

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If you wish your list was longer or you feel like it's incomplete somehow, that's okay. You know, this is a process. Just let it be a process. Now, one thing I think we can do that can expand our list of what's fun to us is to look at one of those through lines,

whether it's laughter or being outside or being with people or whatever it is. And then think about other activities that fit in that category. For example, I realized one of my biggest through lines is laughter. My most fun things are when I'm laughing. I really love to make other people laugh, but I also really love for people to make me laugh.

I love it. I said earlier that fun things are watching a comedy special or hanging out with friends and laughing. Okay, so laughing matters to me. It is. It does. Laughing is a through line for me. Now, what else makes me laugh or could make me laugh?

something I've always wanted to do is to participate in a trivia night, you know, at like a bar or a restaurant or something. I have a lot of fun when I laugh. I love being with people, and I love when I get to be competitive. So a trivia night, I mean, that kind of feels like a no-brainer, right? It feels like a great way for me to have fun. And guess what? I've never done one. I've never, ever done one. And I really should. And not like a bad kind of should. But instead the, you know, dude, Kendra, you should totally do a trivia night, like that kind of should. So I want you to look at your list, look at your through line, and see if there are other things that fit that same category that you could try. That will definitely help if your list is shorter than you'd like.

What else can you do that will create the same underlining experience for you as the specific things that you already listed? Okay. So now that we've done all that, now I want us to actually just like take a minute and make time for it. As you look at your list, I want you to start small today and I want you to do one of those things on your list or like a version of it of some sort. Do something on purpose that is planned today that is fun. You make time for things by scheduling or putting some intention behind them, right? So go ahead and do that. Instead of doing what you normally do after everything is shut down at the end of the day,

you know, assuming that thing like isn't super fun based on your definition. Instead, tonight, do something fun. Do something fun. Sub in a slightly more fun thing in a place that already has something that's just like pleasant or fine. Call a friend you love to talk to. Play a board game. You haven't played in a while. Watch something that makes you laugh if that's what you need to do.

Like just choose something fun today. Now what about this week? What's a fun thing that you can add into your week? Maybe this is a thing that needs like the tiniest bit of forethought compared to just like watching something on TV tonight, right? It takes a little bit of a plan. for Emily P. Freeman, for example, don't we, I just love that that's what we call her on this. Maybe it's adding an hour of like thrift store browsing to her Saturday. For me, maybe it's getting a babysitter so Kaz and I can go to a new restaurant together

because we always have fun doing that and we always end up laughing together when we get to just be the two of us. So for you, it could be literally anything, you know, like you get to decide. But I'm just wanting to give you like a little nudge, a little nudge to plan something fun this week, whatever it is. And then I want you to think about a bigger fun thing in the next month or so. What fun thing could you plan and look forward to? Over the next few weeks, I'm going on a lot of trips for the pub crawl. When I was putting together the schedule of where I'd go and what I'd do, I made it a point to schedule something super fun that has nothing to do with work

that's only for me on every trip. That's because it is so easy to get bogged down in work and responsibilities, even when you're traveling or like, even on vacation with your kids, you forget that you can purposely do fun things. You know, things that seem like they're fun, like, I'm going on a trip or whatever. Unless you actually like plan your fun a little bit or intentional about it, it might not happen the way that you hope it does. So I looked up when I was planning the pub crawl, I looked up my favorite like musicians and bands and stuff to see when they would be in concert.

I roll all the concerts down. I was like, where are these concerts? Like, are these places I could go? Did these match where lazy geniuses live? Like, that was very purposeful. I also am going to one of the popcast live shows in Chicago, because no one knows how to have fun like Knox and Jamie do. I planned a live event so I could go to that show.

Like, I am making time for fun on purpose. So what's something fun you can plan and look forward to? Maybe it's a girls weekend at your friend's lake house that they always offer, but you always feel bad saying yes too. Say yes. Invite some friends. Go have fun if that's your idea of fun. If you're me, you look for a trivia night that's coming up soon and you get a team and you go. Buy tickets to that comedy show or that event that you've been like, I mean, I don't know, it's a lot of money, but you really haven't gotten tickets, not because of the money, but because you haven't really prioritized fun. And I think that's the thing, isn't it? For some reason, we often feel bad about doing

things on purpose to have fun, planning fun, spending money on fun, rejoicing in fun. Now, this isn't true for everyone, of course, but I know a lot of you have to psych yourselves up to do anything close to buying a ticket for a movie in a theater that would be so fun to see in a theater and experience. And instead, You're like, well, I'll just watch it at home when it comes to streaming or whatever. And you never do. Why do we feel bad? We should be having fun more than three times every 60 days, you guys. But fun, like rest, is not always naturally part of our lives.

Getting things done is, organizing our time is, keeping our homes clean is. But rest and fun, not so much, at least not for a lot of people. So just like you schedule rest, I want you to schedule fun. Pay attention to what is fun for you and don't feel bad if it doesn't match someone else's idea of fun. And don't feel guilty for doing it in the first place. You're allowed to have fun. I can't believe I have to say that to us, but you are allowed to have fun.

We are all allowed to have fun. You're not an irresponsible or selfish person for wanting to have fun. So go have some fun. All right, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week, it is Kelly Acton, and this is particularly relevant to today's topic. I love this so much. Kelly writes, Hi, Kendra, listening to your most recent podcast about planners made me remember something about my own experience with planners.

I have used the Get to Workbook by Elise Blaha Cripe for six years now and love it. I also love Elise, by the way. She's fantastic. It does everything I need a planner to do. But last year, I found that I was avoiding the lower left corner. of my weekly two-page spread where I track my daily habits. I had gradually developed a true aversion to it. After reading your book and listening to your podcast, I decided to take a lazy genius approach to it and ask myself, what really matters about tracking those habits?

I realized that I was less than excited to track my exercise habits, my eating habits, all my shoulds that that list represented. It was like a daily reminder to beat myself up instead of being kind to myself. When I asked myself that, I realized that what really matters, matters to me now in my life is doing the things that make me feel good every day, like create something, like write in my journal, list my gratitudes, be outside, and have fun. So I replaced the should habits I tracked with a list of new ones like create, go outside, journal, and fun. That's my favorite. Now I no longer avoid that corner of my planner and I enjoy seeing how many times I gave myself credit for doing the things I love and having fun each week.

Thank you for your book and your podcast. They are inspiring. You guys, I mean, I could not have planned that better myself. Kelly, thank you for this message. I love just on a practical level, that idea of using a planner's habit tracker to track fun. I hope some of you listening are inspired by that choice. I also want to kind of give a nod to last week's episode about how to name what matters. We talked about how you narrow down, you make your problem smaller and then your solution smaller. Do you see how small this is? This is so beautifully small and it makes a huge, huge impact that Kelly named what matters about how she uses a particular section of her planner. This is how you live a lazy genus life. This is how it's done. It's just so encouraging to see

you guys start small with these like really big, I don't want to say results, but like big, big consequences and feeling more like yourself. I just love it so much. So thank you, Kelly, for sending this in. Congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. Okay, that is it for today. Go do something fun, you guys. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you are living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life? Because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think,

okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.