The Lazy Genius Podcast - #257 - The Lazy Genius Guide to Work-Life Balance

Episode Date: April 11, 2022

There is not a magical formula that achieves the perfect balance between life and work. There’s just not. You’re not missing something. You’re not the lone person trying to solve problems that everyone else has figured out. There’s so much to do, so much to manage, and you also want to rest and hang out with friends and do hobbies and have fun! So today I want to share some thoughts about how to live when you work all the time.   Helpful Companion Links This episode covers principles from my first book, The Lazy Genius Way. You can get a copy here. The Lazy Genius Kitchen comes out May 3. Preorder today and get a fun companion recipe ebook as a bonus. Details here. Listen to the whole playlist of specific episodes mentioned here on Spotify. Download a transcript of this episode. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Amazon presents, Laura versus Fruitflies. Swarming your fruit and terrorizing your kitchen, these little freaks multiply at a rate that would make a rabbit say, yo. Chill. But Laura shopped on Amazon and saved on cleaning spray, countertop wipes, and fly traps. Hey, fruit flies, your baby boom ends here. Save the Everyday with Amazon. Hello and welcome to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 257, the lazy genius guide to work life balance. I don't remember the exact stat from our most recent listener survey, but right around half of you work full time doing something other than parenting because I want to just say, p.S. parenting is still a full-time job. You just don't get paid for it. But, but right around half of you work full-time doing something other than parenting because I want to just say, p.S., parenting is still a full-time job. You just don't get paid for it. But, but, but

so many of you have paid jobs and are trying to balance life and work. And as a fellow working parent, I stand in solidarity with you that it is super hard. And I personally have it easier because I'm the boss of my own work and I can make adjustments that suit my needs more than a lot of people can. And it's still really hard. So if you have a nine to five or a seven to four, if you're a teacher, or if you have kind of an irregular work schedule because you're a doctor or. Or you have a nine to five, a nurse or you do something where you're on call for longer shifts, trying to be a person at work and at home is a tremendous challenge. There is just so much to do, so much to manage. And you also want to rest and hang out with friends and do hobbies and have fun. So today I want to share some

thoughts about how to live when you work all the time. And we are going to start with a little bit of perspective. There is not a magical formula that achieves perfect balance between life and work. There's just not. You're not missing something. I think we all feel that way, right? You're not the lone person trying to solve problems that everyone else has figured out. If there was a singular fix to having a well-balanced life that incorporates both work and home responsibilities and relationships and all that you're wanting to experience and spend time on, we would all be using that fix. We would all use that solution, right? But there isn't one. There isn't a singular solution that you lock in and live off of forever. This is hard. This is

challenging. I think when we talk about work-life balance, we expect the solution to be finite and locked until we don't like have a job anymore. But that's just not the reality. So really, release yourself from the expectation that you're hustling to find the key. It's not like wordle where there is one solution that you find and then you walk away until tomorrow. This is a day in, day out, hour in, hour out, lived experience. And we're going to talk about how to do that a little easier. But first, I want you to start with kindness towards yourself and perspective of the reality of what it means to have a job and a life. So what's the point here? What are we after then? I think as lazy genius is, our goal is to pay attention to how we can make certain parts of our days and our lives a little easier, like just a little. We're not trying to build a big work-life balance machine and automate ourselves into oblivion, right? We know this. Those big machines, they don't take into account personality, people getting sick, your hormones, the weather, a kid who can't find her shoes, a

phone call that you did not expect to get that drains you of all your remaining energy for the day, the interruptions at work that leave your to-do list undone. We can try to take small steps in specific directions to make certain parts of our work and our lives a little easier. That please hear me, that you can't have the goal, like in this conversation, your goal cannot be fixing at all and that life is going to be super smooth and frictionless forever because you now have this magical system. There is not a magical system. The goal is just to make things like a little easier. You're not going to eliminate stress completely. You're not going to do it. You're still going to forget things sometimes. You will be late. You will have things that lie undone. You will have things

you need to do, but you really don't want to do. You will still experience the stress of having a job and having a life. But you can experience less stress and you can learn how to cope better with the stress when it comes. The solution is not a big machine. The solution is not one giant fix. The solution is being okay with small steps and being kind to yourself when things don't go the way you want. Now, you might be super bummed at this point. Like, thanks, Kendra for the pep talk. I feel real great now. But as we continue this conversation, I hope that the permission to not expect the world of yourself every single day, it will help you relax more into what matters to you. If you release your own expectation that you have to find some magic key to doing it all

and not experiencing stress again, so unrealistic, you will have an easier time. The expectation is a drain. and it's a drain because it's so big and broad and encompasses your whole life. I asked y'all recently on Instagram what your struggles with work-life balance are, and there were some specific answers like taxes and email and dealing with interruptions that the overwhelming answer was some version of. I spend my day working and then I have to spend the rest of the time taking care of my family and my home and my other responsibilities, and there's just not time for it all.

the problem is trying to fit three suitcases worth of stuff into one, right? We're cramming and tired and things get left, and we resent that they get left because we want to take those things with us. We want to pack them, right? And that struggle, while very real, is too big of a problem to solve, saying, I just don't have time for everything. While that's true, it's too big to help you see solutions. It's too big. So here's what I want us to do. We know there's not a magic formula. We know we will

never fully eliminate stress. And we see that creating a big solution to this isn't realistic. It's not sustainable and it's not even practical. So what is? What is practical? Starting small. Starting small. The most likely way you will experience less stress in finding this elusive work-life balance is to make one thing a little bit easier at a time. You iterate. You find a small problem. You try a small solution, and then you live with it and adjust to it as you see how it works, and then you do it again with something else. Now, I know that, again, it's the most annoying answer ever, ever. I know that small steps make us mad. We want big change real fast, but it just doesn't work. If it did, we'd all be doing it. And the problem that I have personally run into,

and trying to learn how to live well at home when I also work a lot, is that a lot of the advice that I personally have encountered about work-life balance is from the voices of people who are in charge of their own work, who don't have bosses, who can set work constraints, and they can stop working at three because they're the only one that they're accountable to in that. Like, think about it. Most time management books written about work are written by people who have more freedom in their work because they don't have a boss other than themselves.

And therefore, they have more freedom and options than their time management. Their solutions of only checking email once a day or constraining meetings to one day a week or ending every workday at three or four so they can get home and, you know, work out or see their kids or like whatever it is, those are not solutions available to most people. And I will say the same for me. If I were to share with you how I personally manage my time for work, it wouldn't apply to most of you because I have advantages to my own time management that a lot of working people and working parents don't have. I have a home office in my garage so I can close the door on my work, but I don't

have to commute. I literally walk down the driveway. I have three amazing women who work for me and allow me to not deal with 70% of what happens in this business. Like I really only do the fun stuff that only I can do. I have the ability to take off Fridays and I rest. I work until 2 o'clock every day because I'm the parent that gets the kids from school. But I also have my mom, like a mile away who watches my kids one afternoon a week and she can step in when I need extra help. Like I have financial resources that allow me to pay a house cleaner every two weeks.

No one in my family has dietary restrictions like gluten or dairy or some sort of allergy, which allows my meal planning and my prepping and stuff to be simple. and less restrictive. I have a spouse. I have two cars. There are a lot of things that I personally am privileged to have that a lot of working people don't have. And I don't mean that. It sounds weird to be like, look at all these things. Like what I'm saying is, I am not going to share with you what I do because that is not helpful to you. That's why so many of these books are not helpful to us because they're written by people who are not in your situation. Now, what is how? helpful, is that we all learn to do what I did and what many other working people do,

which is iterate. You create a small solution to a small problem, we adjust, we assess, and we live one day at a time. Small steps. We'll be right back. RBC Training Ground has discovered potential in over 20,000 Canadian athletes and county. Your story could be next. If you've got the drive, they'll help you. find your path to the Olympics. Let's see what you've got. Sign up for free at rBC trainingground. Dot C.A. Aw isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe,

wonder and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. Okay. Let's talk about this practically. What I want you to do is think about your next stretch of time. Okay. What current season are you in in your life? When you think about the stress that you're experiencing, the balance you're trying to achieve, what is the time frame you're working with For example, if you were to say, if I can get past blank, I'll feel a lot better. Because we all say that, don't we? We say that all the time. If I can just get past these two weeks.

If I can just get past this project deadline. If I can just get past my kids' baseball season. If I can just get past school and get to the summer, everything will feel better. Now, often it doesn't, which is hilarious. But what's helpful about that sentence is it's not. naming your season. Lazy geniuses live in the season. That's one of our 13 principles, right? So answer that question to help you name your season. Now, if your answer is, if I can just get past this baby stage and your current kid is three months old and you have a solid year left

before you hit your next season where they're toddling everywhere, try and make that season smaller if you can. If your season is enormous, think about a way that you can make it smaller. And And honestly, that might just be an arbitrary length of time, like the next week, the next two weeks. It doesn't have to end with like an event. It can just be a stretch of time until June, you know, whatever it is. But if your season is huge, I want you to try to make it smaller in pretty much everything. Always try and make it smaller. Small steps are easier to take.

Small solutions are easier to find. Small time frames are easier to manage. Try and make it smaller. So that's step one. Name your next stretch of time. Step two is kind of two-pronged. You will do both of these things, both of these elements of step two, but depending on your life and your situation, you might do them in a different order. You might reverse them. But the two-pronged approach to step two is you will either name a small problem that is impacting your current stretch of time that you've already named.

and then you will name what matters most about that problem and solve it. Or you will flip it. You will name what matters most about your next stretch of time. If that's what's leading, start there. Name what matters most about your next stretch of time. And then do one or two small things to support that, to support what matters, to solve a small problem that's in the way of that. So you will name what matters most,

and you will hopefully name a small problem that you want to solve. the order might be just, you know, personal preference, whatever works. One might come more easily than the other. So you just kind of play with it. So let me just give you a personal example because that's it. It's name your stretch, name what matters about it and solve a small problem. We're just going to iterate. So here's a personal example for me.

My stretch of time is the next month or so as I launched the Lazy Genius Kitchen book. May 3rd is really my date. if I can just get through May 3rd, I'll feel better, okay? My stress and my particular challenges that are happening in my work-life balance right now, they are centered around that book launch. So it makes sense that my stretch of time would end when the book releases. So for me, one of my problems or my challenges is transitioning from work mode to parenting mode. okay my work mode is so so intense that the transition has been kind of hard recently i pick up my kids

from school like for sure at 2 30 every day that's when they get out of school and then like some days different kids get home at different times but i'm always a mom starting at 2 30 like that's when the earliest kid comes and my challenge is extracting myself from the busyness of work mentally like in my own head so that I can be present with my kids. But also part of that transition is thinking about getting dinner situated and making sure that one kid has the black pants he needs for his violin concert. And, you know, the other one gets his permission slip signed for the field trip he's literally taking today. And the other one, she gets her homework done because we just played and she didn't get any of it done and kindergartners have homework. And then there are also like

dirty dishes in the sink and all the regular like house and parenting things right it's just a different mode work mode and home and life mode they're different it's a different way of thinking even it's a different energy at least for me and i need to be as intentional in that shift as i can i also need as much space before that shift as i can get if i start working like i normally do at eight o'clock in the morning, and then I just bust it until two, the come down is a lot harder. So my small solution that I have iterated over time is that I need to eat lunch and I need to eat lunch and not work at the same time. My days are notably better and less stressful.

They're not free from stress, but they're less stressful. when I eat lunch and I read a book or watch a show while I do it. Days that I do not take an actual lunch break are harder days. They're more stressful. So instead of trying to figure out complicated ways to block my time or make my lists or be more efficient with what I'm doing, my small solution is to eat lunch and read a book. That's it. But because I usually eat just a couple of hours before I have to stop working, I am always

already beginning the process of my off-ramp, of my transition into a new mode. I go hard from eight to 12. And then I have a restful lunch for 30 or 45 minutes. And then after that, I have maybe like, you know, an hour or so to do work that doesn't require as much creative energy. Like I'll return emails. I'll complete just one-off tasks, you know, that kind of thing. So that is one small solution to one small problem. Now, another place is, you know, that's a lot of thing. Now, another place is, is that I'm still iterating is how I close my workday. We talk about opening and closing ceremonies around here, right? Which we haven't done in a while, actually, something about it.

But the idea is that for seasons of life, we can open and or close them with intention, even in a very small way to mark a moment, to mark the movement we're making, to celebrate something, to say goodbye. I think that my next small step in iterating a gradual solution to this transition from work to, you know, moming and doing home stuff is that I better mark the end of my work day. Maybe, I don't know, maybe it's a prayer, a song, a walk to get the kids from school instead of driving, or it could just be like, as I close my office door, I'm just like, good work today, Kendra. time to be dead until tomorrow you're doing great you know like I don't know like a little personal

pep talk but I think that's my next step in in solving this problem in this transition I also leave my computer in my office and the days that I do not do that are different days I don't transition well at all I'm distracted I also try and turn off my phone in the afternoons I've mentioned that before from like 2.30 to 4 or 430 every day while the kids are coming home from school and doing other things I don't always do that. I do it probably 80% of the time. And when I do, it's a different day. It's a completely different afternoon.

Small choices make a big difference. And if you notice all of those small choices that I just mentioned, they are contributing to a single challenge, to a single struggle, to the transition from work brain to home brain. And it's taken a long time to develop those. But also, I feel different. I feel different about it. Now, there are reasons that I feel different and I handle my stress, like, better.

I'm learning all those things, like going to therapy and delegating more and sharing a load equally with cause and all that. Because, again, I have the privilege of being in a two-parent family with a super supportive spouse. But the lunch thing and the phone thing and the computer in the office thing, those are really significant factors to my transition. They're not the only ones. They're not the only contributing factors.

but those are things that I have a little bit more control over that I have been slowly iterating over weeks and months of learning how to transition. So back to your own process. Name your next stretch of time. Then what is a small challenge that you can solve? A small challenge you can solve. Maybe you can think of a small challenge in your work and then maybe one in your home life and maybe one in your own rest.

That might actually be a place that some of you might want to start because you could be doing kind of a decent job in your own estimation with your efficiency at work, your work-life balance. You know, like it's going fine, you know, but you're exhausted. You're exhausted. Everything else is running fine, but you yourself are so tired. You haven't hung out with your friends in weeks or months or ever. You don't get to do things just for yourself. you're not having fun.

So think about those categories too. You know, it's not just work and home. It's your own soul. Like what is a small problem that you can solve with a small solution for that? Or what matters most in those areas for this next season? And how can you support that? From there, you can use lazy genius principles, like decide once and ask the magic question and essentialize and schedule rest

to help you create small solutions around what matters most right now. I know that you, I know that you wanted me to say to like get up at this time and do this thing and then drink this and then buy this. But that is never the solution. It just isn't. Instead, remember that you're not missing out on some magic formula, that you will never relieve every bit of stress that comes from being a person with a job and also a life. And you cannot build a big system to set it and forget it with this problem.

instead you iterate you solve one problem at a time with one small solution at a time based on what matters to you right now and then try and be okay with it try and not see that as a disappointment or a failure or a waste of time small steps small timelines small solutions to small problems really make cumulatively a much bigger impact than we give small steps credit for. Now, there are certainly specific work-life things that you could do. We could do a lot of episodes on things like, I don't know, email, child care, how to deal with being interrupted all the time. But for now, in this kind of overview, I hope this perspective helps.

Now, there are also some specific episodes in the archives that can help you possibly solve the small problem you're struggling with. We solve a lot of problems around here and create some good frameworks for things based on what matters to you. So I'm going to put these in the show notes. I think we might even have like a playlist for them so that they're all in one place. But a few of the episodes that come to mind that could solve some of your small problems are, ready? number 58, the lazy genius morning routine. 59, the lazy genius evening routine. 60, the lazy genius cleaning routine.

61, the lazy genius exercise routine. There was a routine stretch then. 80 is the lazy genius daily act of kindness. I would really, really encourage you to listen to that one. That's one that people skip over and it's super dupe important because it cares for your own soul. Let's see, 84, the lazy genius guy. to lunch. 91, the lazy genius organizes paper. That's a big one. 123 is the after school routine. 124 is the lazy genius weekly plan. I love that episode. 177 is the lazy genius plans a day.

196 is had a lazy genius adult screen time. That could be really helpful and just creating like the tiniest, tiniest, tiniest, tiniest bit of margin in your life where it matters to you. There's no shame in that episode, by the way. It is a shame-free zone. 204 is how to rally on a bad day. 209. How to keep your surfaces clear. 226. How batching in bags can get you out the door. How to get out the door. We all need that. 238. How to get stuff done when you don't feel like it. 246 is five essential mindsets for time management. And 254 was a very recent episode, chores I do every day.

That's a lot of potential episodes. But we'll put them in a playlist or something so you can listen to them when you want. But those could be some really potentially helpful episodes to help you with specific problems that are contributing to a stressful, like working person lifestyle that you have right now. Have y'all been hearing the birds, by the way? Can you hear them as I'm recording? They are very loud to me. That is what happens when you, like, work in a garage. But also, as I was hearing the birds, it feels really fitting that they're loud this morning because it brought something to mind. I don't usually share my faith, like outright on this podcast.

But there is a short little parable in the book written by Matthew in the Bible in chapter 13 that says, The Kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree. so that the birds come and perch in its branches. That just feels really encouraging to me today, that even faith is a small step process, but it continues to grow and adjust to the weather, you know, to the elements to all the things like a tree does,

and it becomes a place where birds find a home. That's just really precious to me today, and I wanted to share that with you in light of this conversation. Okay, that is it for this episode. I also want to tell you before we go that we're, we are about to start on some, like, amazingly cool things to celebrate the release of my book, The Lazy Genius Kitchen. I wrote a book about how to be a person in the kitchen, how to figure out what you need, how to use what you have, how to plan, how to prep, how to shop, how to enjoy your space like you had never have enjoyed it before. This book is not a cookbook. And it is also a book for every person and every stage of life with every cooking skill that is available to you.

Like, truly, this book is for anyone who, like, eats food. And tomorrow launches something I've been waiting to share with y'all forever. We made a video series to celebrate the book and share the goodness of what it teaches. It is a show you'd see on TV. It is unreal. The quality is so amazing. It is so fun to watch. It's an actual show that we made.

And tomorrow is the first episode, tomorrow Tuesday. It will drop at the lazy genius kitchen.com at 2 p.m. Eastern, and I cannot wait for you to see it. You might have seen the trailer for the whole video series on Instagram on Sunday night, so you already know who the guests are. That tomorrow's premiere episode is with Sharon McMahon of Sharon Sesso. I went to her home in Duluth, Minnesota, and we lazy geniused her utensils using the principles from the book. And y'all, that episode is fire. It is so much fun. I can't wait for you to see it. I hope you watch it. I hope you love it. Okay, that is it for today. Thank you so much for listening and for being here. And until

next time be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.