The Lazy Genius Podcast - #279 - How to Fix Dinner When You’re Never Home

Episode Date: September 12, 2022

We have a lot of things we’re managing right now, and the one thing that never goes anywhere, no matter our season or stage of life, is food. We have to eat, you guys. So in light of all of the things that take up our time in the evenings this season, how do we cook dinner? How do we make sure everybody eats when we never seem to be home at actual dinner time or even at the same time? Let’s Lazy Genius it.   Helpful Companion Links The Holiday Docket: The Lazy Genius Guide to Celebrating Well Last week’s episode on fall time - episode #278: How to Manage Your Time this Fall Episode #121: How to Build a Fall Dinner Queue Episode #276: How to Pack Lunch for Work My pal Anna Sale’s podcast Death, Sex, and Money Episode #225: The Shoe Episode Download a transcript of this episode.   This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi there, you're listening to the Lazy Genius Podcast. I am Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 279. How to Fix Dinner When You Never Hope! Welcome to fall, everyone, the start of school, the rhythms and routines of a new season, the low-key dread of the holidays that are far away. But like also not, my Japanese father-in-law, of all people, said at dinner the other day that it'll be Christmas before we know it. He is not the demographic for that kind of sentiment, you guys, and yet he feels it too. So we are just at the start of a lot, right? And it honestly already feels a little bit like the middle. So it's tough. If you missed it, last week we talked about how to manage your time this fall. That episode is an essential listen. Now, you don't need to listen to it to make this one make sense or anything, but I just think that episode is full of gold. Like it is just essential. There are so many things about that episode that I loved creating and the feedback that I got last week confirmed it. So if you did not listen to that episode, go back one episode and make sure you catch it.

The other thing I do not want you to miss is the holiday docket, which is the lazy genius guide to celebrating well. Basically, if you want a path that helps you plan all those holiday tasks and traditions and treasures, it is the resource for you. We have had it for three or four years now, and it is the top seller in our digital store for a very good reason. So check that out if you need holiday planning help. Okay, back to fall. The point is, the point is, there's a lot going on. There's a lot of things that we're managing right now. And the one thing that never goes anywhere, no matter our season or stage of life, is food.

We have to eat you guys. Now, I love to eat so much. So it would not be a true statement for me to be like, it'd be great if we didn't have to worry about eating. I really like eating. But I also get why it would be easier to not worry about it. If somebody could just serve me food every day, that would be ideal. But since that is not the ideal for the majority of people, we have to figure it out. And this time of year is possibly the hardest time to figure it out. We go from summer where food rules are looser. We're grilling, we're eating at the pool, Now, we are trying to figure out how to not turn on the oven and kids are home all the time.

Snacking is prevalent. But it's all just like a little bit easier. I mean, it has its own set of challenges for sure. But part of the vibe of summer food is ease. No stress, baby. But also, most of us prefer cooking in the fall and winter, like in cooler weather, because we like those recipes more. We can make recipes and meals that we're generally more comfortable with, like super. and stuff, you know? In fact, I think the challenge in feeding yourself and your people during fall

right now, hear me, is not for a lack of recipes. It very much is not. The challenge for many of you is that we're never home. Now, this episode is likely geared mostly toward like families with kids, simply because that's where most of the activity comes from. But I have a friend who is single, has no kids and she spends three or four nights a week doing extracurricular stuff with her friends. She works late one or two nights a week and then like one night she's in an adult kickball league. Another night she plays volleyball, I think. The point is you don't have to have kids to feel like you're never home, right? Now if you do have kids, especially ones that are older but cannot drive themselves around yet, it is a cluster. It is a cluster. So our personal life, like in the Adachi

home. Our weeks right now include two working parents with jobs, piano lessons, youth group, math tutoring, and dance class. Now, in the next month, we will also likely be adding saxophone lessons after school art classes four days a week, Lego club, and a night class that I am taking every other week. You guys, what is happening? And that's just like our baseline. That's just the baseline. Now, I've had this conversation with several friends recently. especially parents with more than one kid. Even if every kid has just one thing they do, it's still a ton of things to manage every week.

And so many kids play a sport and an instrument or are in a club and they take tutoring or whatever. Most kids aren't just doing the one thing. Now, obviously, you can set limits in your own family based on what matters to you, but a friend of mine who is like me, She loves being home with her family. She wants to keep things pretty simple.

Like we both seek to have pretty peaceful home lives with not a lot of extra. And we both still feel like it's too much. Like we're doing almost a bare minimum by many standards. And it's already close to the limit. So first, you're doing great. You're doing great. This season feels like a cluster because you have a lot of stuff on the calendar, most of which is crammed between four and 8 p.m. It is unfair, but it's also the reality. So today, we are going to

start with kindness towards ourselves and our people. We are going to keep resentment at bay for, quote unquote, being in this mess, right? We're not going to resent our children for having interests. It's likely no one's fault. Everyone is just trying to feel like themselves. And the more people you have in your house, the more activities are needed to meet everyone's needs. It's normal and very hard, but very normal. So in light of all that, how do we cook dinner? Oh my gosh, how do we cook dinner? How do we make sure everybody eats when we never seem to be home at actual dinner time or even at the same time? Again, it's a cluster. Now, here's what we normally do. we start with the recipe with the what what are we going to have for dinner we google dinners to take to the

ball field or dinner made the night before or whatever knowing that we barely had the energy to wash our face the night before let alone make an entire meal or we start with the how with the hacks and the special coolers and the meal plans specifically made for the busiest of people and sometimes those things work? Sometimes they do, for sure. But we start with what and how, and I think that's starting in the wrong place. Now, for once, I am not going to tell you to start with what matters. Shocker, I know, were you expecting like a joke where I'm like, this is where you start, you guys? No, it's not. Not this time. I mean, yeah, it's great to know what matters. But my guess is what matters to you is some version of, I just need everybody to eat. Fast food is acceptable,

but like not all the time. Does that sound about right? Like we want it to be easy, right? We want things to be pretty automated. We recognize that the season of life is kind of nuts. We want flavor. We want things to taste good. We want to enjoy our food. And we want to be together as much as we can. Sure. But we're also realistic grownups who know that we likely cannot have all of those things every single night, especially during soccer season or whatever, right? So here's what I want you to start with. when you're trying to fix dinner but you're never home, I want you to start with when and where, and then maybe who.

I want you to do it all at once because it's probably easier that way since like all those things impact each other. But I want you to start with when and where and then who? When will you eat? Where will you eat it? And who is going to eat together at that time? We'll be right back.

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I think this is more flexible than you think. My suggestion is for you to set a time frame of like when dinner could go. But it's likely that any time between school letting out and your absolute latest dinner time is open for business. You don't have to eat dinner at 6 o'clock every single night is what I'm saying. You don't even have to eat what you consider dinner foods at dinner every single night. I think that's actually the problem is you think that you're supposed to fit a crazy season of life into a different seasons shape, into a more predictable season of life. Dinner should be this kind of meal at this time of day.

And if things are off of that ideal, then either you're doing it wrong or you just need to power through. And this is just not true. if you are a sports mom if you are erin h moon expecting a standard dinner to happen at 6 p.m every night with the entire family is unreasonable and crazy making if you are in a sports mom season or whatever your season is you need to live in it and part of that is widening the field of when dinner happens the other thing is where where are you going to eat you can eat at home you can can eat in the car when it's moving, in the car when it's stopped. You can eat on public transportation if that's how you get around at the field or the studio or the classroom, at a restaurant,

at somebody else's home. The combination of the where and the when is essential. We will eat at 4 p.m. at home before everybody takes off for their things. We will eat at 7 p.m. in the car on the way home from everybody's things. We will eat in the parking lot of a restaurant in between everybody's things. Where and when? Look at the day and decide where and when dinner is best, not what? Where and when. So if we want to systemize this, I would like for you to look at your life maybe one week at a time. So during a season, when you feel like you're never home and life is unpredictable. I want you to start small with one week at a time. Don't build the whole system based on your first week. Okay. We're going to do this one week at a time. Start small. Try it for a week

and see what happens. Now, you are also more likely to continue the system of one week at a time during this season. You don't have to become a planner for the rest of your life. It's going to be okay. But you are likely to continue this by deciding once when you're going to do it. I really believe that having a consistent day or time to look at this is going to really, really help you. So like we learned last week, put it in a routine or put it on your calendar. So when it's time to look at the week and make a plan for dinner, go day by day. When and where? Based on the practices and the games and the club meetings and the lessons and the energy

and the hormones, whatever else is happening, when and where does dinner make the most sense. And getting to the who, not the band, you knew that joke was coming, right? Getting to the who, the obvious ideal for the who is everybody, right? You want everybody to eat dinner together, but that's just not always going to happen. So you can, I want you to consider the who in this process, and you can either adjust dinner time to fit everyone, or you just make a plan for the person who won't be there. Or if they're old enough, you tell them to make their own plan, you know, like, hey, you're on your own for dinner on Thursday, Charlie. You need anything? or, you know, whatever it is.

One more note about choosing when and where. The when can be a specific time, you know, like 630, a range, a time range, or just related to another activity. For example, if you were to say that on Wednesday, you're going to eat at 7 p.m. because soccer practice ends at 6.30. And yes, seven is later than you'd like, but it's the season we're in. You know, you're being flexible. You're okay.

But then your daughter is hanging out with a teammate or two after practice. And you're like, girl, come on, we've got to get home for dinner. We need to eat at seven. You're paying attention to the clock. But what if instead on that particular day, you did not say 7 p.m. But you just said after soccer practice. And maybe your daughter has had a hard time making friends on this team. So her hanging out with a couple of teammates is actually really great and worth waiting for

and you don't want to rush it. And you don't have to because you've already decided. that you're having dinner after practice, not at seven. Does that make sense? So for each day, for the purpose of each day, ask yourself, when and where will we eat? And will everybody be there? Once that is decided, now you figure out the what and the how. Now you figure out what you'll actually eat. If you start with that, if you start with the what, you're trying to figure out how to take chili, usually, you know, maybe a brainless crowd please or hit hot. home, very easy to make, but you're trying to figure out how to take it to softball practice,

and it's dripping down your sweater because you're dragging a crock pot out of the trunk of your car. Now, I'm not making this up. I've seen parents with crockpots in the trunks of their car. Now, there is nothing wrong with that choice. But so often when we start with the meal, with the recipe, with the what in this season when we're never home, we're going in the wrong order. So we have started with where, when, and who instead. That is going to enforce. form your what and your how. You don't have to take chili in a crock pot in the trunk of the car, unless you really want to and then go for it. So again, we're going to start with one week at a time, right? You're not building this big. You're going to start with just this week that's in front of you.

You have written down where and when you will eat. Now let's figure out what. I want you to avoid searching through the treasure trove of all the recipes you have ever made in your entire life and force them into the season. I do not want you to do that. Instead, guess what you need? You need a dinner queue. You need a I'm never home dinner queue or a sports season dinner queue or whatever you want to call it. What are meal ideas that fit in the win and the wear that you're already thinking about? Look at meals you already make that everyone already likes, you know, your brainless crowd pleasers. Which ones? would work in this season, or at least some in certain, like, situations of the win and the wear

combo. Maybe chili is still a great option because you can make it in the crock pot or whatever in the morning and it's ready, but maybe you don't have to bring it in a crock pot. Maybe you have thermos that you fill with chili in the 15 minutes your home between school and practice and you take those with you, right? They're ready for whoever needs them whenever you decide when and where you're eating. Maybe you can do snack platters or pack picnic things that can be eaten without silverware. Maybe you cook the, like the sloppy Joe stuff in the morning or the night before when you're already in the kitchen, you know, doing yesterday's dinner or something. And then when you get home, you just like heat it up in a skillet or the microwave or whatever. In fact, I think the

what's, I think your meals, they might not change that much. I think really what you're dealing with now that you've started in the right order and you're starting with the when and the wear, what really needs to adjust is the how. How are you going to get this food made? How is it going to work? How are you going to make this food or gather this food or pack this food to match the when and the where? So much of this is my absolute favorite thing because it's reverse engineering.

I love reverse engineering. I love starting at the end and working my way backwards, which we already have started, right? We started with the win and the where and we're moving backwards. When will you grab the food in order to eat it at that time and in that place that you decided? Okay. When are you going to grab the food? And will you be cooking it then or will you cook it earlier? Can cooking that meal coincide with cooking the one from the night before?

Or can you get into a rhythm maybe during the season of prepping some of tomorrow's meal during today's? Do you see how starting with the when and the where? It really turbocharges everything else. It helps you name what you need, what you don't, what you have time. for how often you need to shop, how important it might be to eat a homemade dinner at home on like Saturday night or Sunday breakfast or something, some fixed point for your entire family because the rest of the week is crazy, you know? But having that fixed point, it lessens the guilt of relying on convenience and takeout more often throughout the week or that you don't get

to eat together as many days because you're prioritizing that thing. You just can't cram a different season into sports season. You can't do it. you're going to drive yourself crazy. You'll feel bad about the whole thing. You'll be frustrated at your people for being too involved in too many things. And then you'll be desperate for the season to be over, even though you actually kind of love it. And you'll deal with it by making choices that don't really align with what matters to you. So instead, name what matters. Live in your season and go in the right order. Start with the when and the wear. of when you're going to eat dinner.

Decide once when you're going to make that plan, maybe week to week. Create a busy season dinner queue that you can just pull from. Be creative about it. Don't think it's weird if you're eating a full meal at 3.30 after school and you're snacking later. That's not weird. That's being an excellent problem solver. And then reverse engineer how you can make that meal happen in a way where, and listen up,

where your expectations match the energy you're willing to give. I said that in an episode a few weeks ago about making work lunches and the same is very true here. Match your expectations with the energy you're willing to give them. But the little sparkly key here is start with when and where. And that's how to fix dinner when you're never home. Okay, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week it is my buddy Anna Sale. Anna Sale is the author of the book.

Let's Talk About Hard Things and the host of the podcast, Death, Sex, and Money. She is a delightful human delightful, who I've loved getting to know over the last couple years. And she sent me this text last week that I want to read to you. I need you to know. I ask my children to put on their shoes before breakfast instead of right after when it's time to leave for school. And we were five minutes earlier in leaving.

A lazy genius hack for the win. Okay. I share this text from Anna for two reasons. One, it's a great idea. Shoes are a whole thing. I mean, I have an entire episode on shoes, most of which is like how to get our kids to put them on and lose them less often. So putting shoes on before breakfast, when things are not as harried, that's going in the right order. Excellent. Such a great idea. And likely one that a lot of you might be excited to try. And then the second reason I share it is because of how fun it is to discover something that seems so small, but is so life-changing, day-changing, and then you share it with someone else.

Anna was excited about this new shoe discovery, and she texted me her excitement. And then I got to be excited right alongside her. Sharing your tiny wins along with your frustrations and the mundane, those are the things that make relationships go. So like pick a pal and text them your little win. It's good for everybody when you do. So congratulations Anna Sale. I'm being our lazy genius of the week. all, that's it for today. Thank you so much for listening. And I hope you're walking away with a tool or two, even just a mindset to help you fix dinner even when you're never home. And if you enjoyed this episode, it would be amazing. If you would share it with someone you think would like it, this podcast has always been an organic grower. And that's because of shares like yours. So

thanks for passing it along to someone you think would be into it. All right, all, thanks for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I'll see you next week. like you are living just a B or B plus life, it's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life, because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it?

I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.