The Lazy Genius Podcast - #295 - How to Start Fresh Without Starting Over

Episode Date: January 2, 2023

It’s January, it’s the beginning of a new year, and our options used to be either lazy or genius. We’ve been trying to be geniuses about the start of a new year for too long, but the alternative is not ignoring it or dismissing it or saying that the new year doesn’t matter. There can be something really special about coming out of a busy holiday season, getting a new planner, and starting fresh. But starting fresh does not mean you have to start over, so today we’re going to talk about the Lazy Genius way to approach a new year.   Helpful Companion Links Join me on Instagram @thelazygenius to see my little chart that aligns with this episode. 30 Lazy Genius Questions for the Start of a New Year The Next Right Thing Guided Journal by Emily P. Freeman Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! Download a transcript of this episode. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I'm Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 295, How to Start Fresh Without Starting Over. I think that might be one of my favorite episode titles we've ever had. And before we jump into what this means and what a gift this perspective can be for you as we enter a new year, I would like to give credit to Leah Jarvis, the director of content and strategy on Team LG.

She helps me develop these episodes every single week. And she is sometimes the person that names them. And today is one of her best. And I'm so excited about how this phrase will direct us for the next little bit. Because isn't that what we really want? We want to start fresh, but we don't want to start over. It's January. It's the beginning of a new year.

And our options for this time of year used to be either lazy or genius. It was start over or just ignore it. If we were lazy, we're just like, I don't care. I don't care about a new year. We're going to roll our eyes at people choosing words of the year and setting goals because we know they're not going to stick. But actually deep down, we kind of wanted to use that time of year. It's sparkly in its own way, right? But our only other option is to be a genius about it. Now, I do think viewing a new year through a lazy lens is fairly rare.

Like, this is the time of year where geniuses come to play. January is a geniuses super bowl. Like, this is where it all comes together. We have been trying to be geniuses about the start of a new year for too long. but the alternative is not to just ignore it or dismiss it or say that the new year doesn't matter. I think it does. I think there can be something really special about coming out of a busy holiday season, getting a new planner, and starting fresh. But starting fresh does not mean you have to start over. So today we're going to talk about the lazy genius way to do that.

Now, the first thing we're going to do in this episode is compare the lazy genius way to kind of the other way, to the genius way of looking at a new year. I made a little chart in my notes as I was working out this episode, and there are these comparisons between those two ways. And they're really fun little comparisons. We're going to talk about a few now, but I will share the complete chart with you on Instagram so you can make sure you're following me there at the lazy genius if you are interested. Now geniuses, this is the first difference. Geniuses see the new year as beginning. and lazy geniuses see it as continuing. Beginning versus continuing. Your life doesn't stop and reset just because it's January 1st, you know? Like a lot of things continue. But it's almost like we're

groomed to see it differently. Like everything gets a reset button. Everything restarts. And in some ways that thinking is appealing, you know? Chances are you're pretty tired after the holidays. holidays. You are maybe confronted with some of your choices and patterns that you wish were different, or you're confronted with a lot of other people telling you what you think should be different. So the idea of a restart, it sounds pretty good. That's why in January we get that big black trash bag energy. You know, we've added to our homes in the form of stuff from Christmas presents or whatever. We have left the busyness of the holidays. And now we're like, should we just move? Should we just move? Sell our house and just move. Start over.

I think that's a normal response. I do. But you can start fresh without starting over by remembering that the other way to see this, and I mean the other way like the non-lacy genius way, the other way, is beginning. But really, we're just continuing. Now, can you change as you continue? Of course you can. Absolutely.

But you're still the same beautiful, important person living the same beautiful, important life. living the same beautiful, important life. It doesn't require a full reset, nor should it. The second difference between the lazy genius way and the other way is that the other voices are fixing. Lazy geniuses are tending. Fixing versus tending. I would bet a lot of money that most of the things you think

in your most vulnerable places, your most vulnerable moments, the things that you think should be fixed are completely changed. They cannot be fixed or changed with one attempt. They can't. Life doesn't work that way. We know that, but we forget it. Tending.

Think about tending. Think about the small things you can do in your life in one area, one small area, to care for and nurture and tend to. Tending is so kind. Now, fixing isn't unkind. If my toilet is broken and then it is fixed, I'm very happy about that. But fixing in the sense of our lives and our personhood and a new year and all of our rhythms and stuff, that kind of fixing. That feels harsh and robotic and kind of

soulless. Tending is kind. It is soft. It has empathy. It can see when we need to rest, when we need to push, when we need to ask for help, when we need to take a break, when we need to take an even small step than we did yesterday or when we have the energy to take a bigger one tomorrow. Tending is dynamic and human. Fixing usually isn't. So during this time of year, even choosing that word can make a difference. Tending instead of fixing. A third way is big versus small. We talk about that a lot. January is a time for big swings, right? A lot of big swings. Now, I will say that that message is not quite as loud as it used to be. It's not as brazen. A lot of productivity people, they actually have tried to massage big swing language out of big swing choices, but it's still

big swing choices. I see that in diet culture too. There are a lot of people I hear saying things that they think are outside of diet culture. Diet culture meaning we should change our bodies in order to be happy or healthy or accepted or energetic or valuable or whatever. It's so nuanced. It's in the culture. And I hear it. I hear it leaking out of seemingly innocent words from lovely people all the time. It's really pervasive.

It's kind of like a virus that just doesn't go away. And the longer that stuff stays in our thinking and in the voices around us, the harder it is for us to see the truth, to see the nuance, to see what's really there. because it's just part of culture. That's why it's called diet culture. That's true in diet culture. And I also think that's true in productivity culture. There are a lot of people, experts even,

trying to make it sound like their approach to a new year is not full of big swings. But it is. It is. There is very, very little smallness in the productivity industry. Without big swings and big promises, there's no money to be made, you know? So one example of this. could be could be i didn't say is could be smart goals now there's nothing wrong with smart goals smart as an acronym it stands for specific measurable achievable realistic and timely the idea here is if

you set a goal and it is not those things that is not fully smart then you're not going to reach that goal it's not a goal that you should set now i actually tend to agree with that choosing something specific that you can measure that's not super vague that you can actually do do and that makes sense for who you are in the life you're living right now? I mean, that acronym is not far off base. It makes sense. And yet, and yet, it can trick us. Because productivity experts tend to encourage folks to set like no more than three smart goals across maybe three to five, maybe even more, but like usually three to five areas of life, which is a lot. That's a lot of things to add to your life out once? And also, often those goals are generally about fixing and not tending.

They're about beginning, not continuing. And again, it's a lot. I don't know about you, but no matter how smart the goal is, if you give me even two of them to measure, especially if I'm measuring them based on a future me that I should be, I am out. That is not a life I can live, nor do I want to. But setting three, three smart goals across three to five areas of life. So it's like nine to 15 measurable things. No, that is enormous. They say that small and not big. It's very big. That is enormous. I'm here to tell you that is enormous. Now listen, if you love smart goals, you thrive on them and they support what matters to you. I'm all for it. I'm not against smart goals. I mention this only because it is an example.

of how the productivity industry and the voices in it are buzzing with a lot of genius energy. They are focusing on big swings, even if they say the swings are small. Lazy geniuses start very, very, very small, very small. And then when you bring in these other words that we've already talked about alongside the smallness, words like tending and continuing,

and then a couple of others that we're about to get to, it changes how you see those small steps. versus those big swings. It's like you've broken the code. We can see it. We can see it for what it is. It's like the emperor has no clothes. You can see it in the words of productivity culture. You can see words that are sneaky and nuanced and so common that we don't notice them anymore. That's why I want to set up these comparisons so that you can see it better and you can know when it's really great to listen to an expert. And then also when their advice might not be for you. A fourth difference is evaluation versus reflection.

Evaluation versus reflection. Lazy genuses reflect. We simply look back with no agenda to start with. We're just noticing. And the truth is, the end of one year in the beginning of the next, it is a natural time to do that to reflect. It's kind of nice. But we hold a spirit of reflection instead of a spirit of evaluation.

of deciding how well something went or how disappointed in ourselves we are or what we need to do differently because we really failed at that one thing. Reflect. Don't evaluate, at least not in the beginning, not first. Just reflect. I'll share some ideas of how to do that in a bit, but for now, that's just a really important difference to notice. Let's look at one more difference. That is annual versus seasonal. Right now, goal gurus have us looking at the year in front of us. And while there is merit in that, depending on the lens you're using, which we're going to get to actually, for the most part, you guys, you have to think seasonally. You have to live in the season. That's why live in the season is a lazy genius principle.

It's that important. It gets a whole chapter, right? It gets a whole book chapter. We have to think seasonally. We have to think about where we are right now. your season can be a week a month three months whatever but seasons of life impact how we live in them that's like the most obvious statement but we forget that so often seasons of life impact how we live in them and on top of that we don't know what series of seasons we're going to experience over the course of one year we don't know if the house will get hit with covid or a job opportunity falls through or a job opportunity we got doesn't turn out the way we thought it would. Or a sump pump breaks or your car gets rear-ended or a kid is suddenly terrified to go to school. Or your co-worker, who is your closest friend at work,

gets transferred or promoted or just doesn't sit next to you anymore. Our lives are full of seasons and then transitions between those seasons. And you cannot guess. You cannot manufacture. You cannot manipulate. You cannot plan your way into or out of them. you have to learn to pivot and adjust and manage expectations when a new season lands at your feet. Sometimes really suddenly. It is a very Western, very capitalistic, very male idea that we can control an entire year that is before us, that we can evaluate and assess and then systemize a way to get to some optimized desired end. But we all know that's just not a thing.

not personally. And yet the voices around us and the tools that they're offering, they say it is. So that's a key difference here. We have to think seasonally, not annually. Now, I do think there are some beautiful ways to look in an entire year and capture it. As we approach that year with these words of tending and continuing and reflecting and starting small. We can create boundaries around the year 2020. We can think about it that way.

I'll talk about that next. But ultimately, the engine to this is that we are not in control. So let's spend our energy living well, being ourselves, being kind and gentle and thoughtful and intentional in our specific season, as opposed to spending our energy trying to craft and maneuver and systemize and optimize and make everything fit and work and matter for an entire year. That's just not how we do this. That is not how a lazy genius approaches a new year. That is definitely not how you start fresh without starting over. That is big starting over energy, right? And we don't have time for that. That is not how we want to live. So next,

let's talk about how we do. We'll be right back. something we need to travel for, it's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. All right. Now, let's get practical. Let's talk about how, how to start fresh without starting over. Those words are our undercurrent, okay?

We're starting fresh, but we're not starting over. That's the culture that we're creating. Those words from before of continuing, tending, those are the things they're going to keep this in perspective for us, right? As we move into this practical place, so important to start with your perspective first. Now, the main thing to consider before you get really practical with this is to remember that the turning of the calendar, it does not change everything. It doesn't. It doesn't change everything. Your life is the same for the most part from December 31st to January 1st is the same. But it can change something. You just get to decide what it changes for you. You get to decide. That's all. That's all. So all of these exercises and ideas are simply to help you name what change you might want the new year to bring for you. But I also think that there's one thing that you're not paying attention to that I want you to pay attention to this year that could kind of impact the rest of it.

Now, where do we begin? We begin with reflecting. I mentioned reflection already that we reflect. We don't evaluate. Now, if you haven't already on January 2nd, I think that a small little session of reflection, is a really beautiful place to start if you haven't already done it. Now remember we're continuing, right? We're not beginning or starting over. So that means that we are part of a story that's already being told. We're already living in rhythms and routines with responsibilities and relationships.

And we can't ignore where we are in those things before we look ahead. Where we are right now really matters. So let's talk about how you could reflect right now. And then I will share a couple of like ideas that you could carry with you throughout this next year to aid in your reflective practice in the future. Now here is how I personally reflected this year. I have one of those one line a day journals and I just read it. That's all. That's all it did. It sits on my bedside table and every night, like when I get in bed, the first thing I do after I get in bed is I write in my journal at the end of the day. And then I use cuticle serum. He's all in June cuticle serum. That's like my little get-in-bed routine.

So I read through, I read through the entries from 2022 and with a pen and a paper next to me. And I just made a list of whatever I read that kind of jumped out. So moments that I had forgotten about, the significance of mentioning the same thing several times, I noticed when certain relationships began, celebrations for. things that happened with work or with family. I just wrote down what sparkled a little. And then I grouped them together and I made a bunch of top 10 lists, top 10 family moments, top 10 friend moments, top 10 personal moments, top 10 work moments. Now I have a job where I might consider sharing stuff like that. And I am. All of my reflective top 10 lists are this Wednesday's

latest lady lazy letter. So if you're already subscribed, you'll get it on January 4th. but it was a beautiful practice for me, whether I share it with you or not. I didn't evaluate. I just reflected. Now, if you don't have a journal like that to look back on for 2022, you can look through your camera roll. What photos did you take? What memories and moments do those photos trigger as you're looking back through them, right?

You can look through your social media feed and see what you posted, what resonated with you at certain times, what you were celebrating, who you were with. You can also use those many, many reflective questions that are all over the internet. I have a list of questions to ask at the end of the year and start of a new one. We'll put that in the show notes. I personally love the lazy genius list of questions. You could answer one of them. You could answer all of them.

You could talk to a partner or a friend or someone you spend a lot of time with and ask them, what's the favorite moment we had together this year? so you can reflect via conversation. You can look back at a journal or if you write newsletters for your business like I do, like you can look at what you're sharing with your community. There are lots of ways you can look back, especially if you're like me and you don't remember much. There are more ways than you realize that have been capturing those moments for you.

Now, if you are looking for ways to maintain a practice of remembering things throughout the year, there are a couple ideas. Number one is you can get a one line-a-day journal. Like, I love that thing. I love it so much. You can get one of those. You can follow Laura Tremaine's advice and have a note on your phone

where you just list your favorite things or moments as they happen. Like you have just one note and you add stuff as they happen. I think you could even, if you wanted to, because you might forget the note is there, you could set an alarm on your phone to remind you once a week,

or however often, to add something to the list. You know, like, is there anything you want to add to your favorites list? And you're like, oh, wait, this album I'm listened to right now that I have listened to 17 times. Yes, I'll add that to the list, you know. Another resource for reflection is the next right thing journal by Emily P. Freeman. It is a seasonal journal that you can start anytime. And it is simple. It is soulful. It is a guide to catching those things that happen and also giving yourself space to reflect and see what they might mean.

and this is where we kind of ease, ease into evaluating. But I don't want to use that word. I would rather use the word notice. As you reflect on what happened in 2022 or in whatever year you're listening to this in, what did you notice? And often when we notice something, I think it leads us to some kind of choice. For example, when I reflected on 2022, I noticed how. many memorable moments I had with friends, both old and new. When I made my top 10 list, there were

actually 15 things with friends, and I would not cut any of them, so it's 15 even though it says 10. Now, the cool thing about that is that 2020 was a year that I really prioritized friendships. This was the year that I scheduled lunch hours on my calendar without any names in them, just so I could find time with people more easily. I went out on a limb with a couple of new friendships that grew. I took the time to travel to be with certain people so that those relationships could grow. Friendships matter to me in the beginning of 2022. And in reflecting on the year, I noticed that the small steps I took to make them matter, those steps worked. I experienced a deeply fulfilling year in my friendships. Now, does that mean that in 2023 I'm starting over? No.

that doesn't even make sense. But I'm noticing that I really feel fulfilled in those friendships. And I like to keep those structures and practices and intentions in place. They already are. So I don't really need to change anything about that, right? I'm not starting over. I'm just continuing. But as those things are already in place,

is there another area of my life that I'm noticing was a bit disappointing or took me out of myself or made me more. tired than I'd like or prevented connection of some sort. You can notice what was beautiful. And you can also notice what you wish had maybe been more beautiful. You're not evaluating and making judgments. You're just noticing as you reflect. You can notice and continue. You can notice and adjust. You can notice and let go. But that's the first step. Reflect and notice. Now the second step after you've reflected and noticed is to name what matters for you to consistently feel like a person. In many ways, the list ends here. This is the thing that I think

that could change things for people if we just paid attention. What could you do to consistently feel like yourself? I truly believe that when we're we are operating out of the deepest, truest well of how we're made and how we move in the world and we are rested. The other areas of life, they just settle so much more easily. No matter your circumstances or the seasons of life you go through, if you are consistently keyed into what makes you feel like yourself, what reminds you of the truth of your value as a person, what you find deeply fulfilling, what's purposeful for you, what makes you come

alive within yourself no matter what you're doing? I believe that you will experience those changing circumstances and those difficult seasons of life quite differently. You are the only consistent thing in your changing life. So the more that you can tend to what makes you feel like yourself, the greater your ability to pivot and manage expectations and have meaningful relationships and all the things. And that's why this is the second step. not to name what matters about everything, but to name what matters for you to consistently feel like a person. There are likely multiple things that do this for you.

But I encourage you to start by just naming one. Start small, of course. What is one thing that you can consistently do to feel like yourself? Maybe it's regular therapy, maybe it's centering prayer, maybe it's reading or running or tending to plants or being with puppies or laughing or solitude. Any number of things.

But name one thing that makes you feel consistently like yourself. That grounds you into the truest version of who you are. That fills you up. That reminds you of your value. That brings you joy. And then the next step is practically figuring out how to do that thing. We'll be right back. So as we close, what can you carry through the entire year,

to help tend to who you already are. Maybe it is a word of the year. Maybe that word can be an anchor to you and help you see yourself and your seasons of life in a unique way this year. Maybe you can start slowly, slowly creating a daily rhythm where you prioritize your own personhood every day, whatever that thing is that makes you feel like yourself that's very accessible to you. you know, standing outside, breathing deep, listening to birds.

I love listening to birds. I don't know what it is about listening to birds, but I'm like obsessed. It just makes me feel so calm. I love it. It could be reading for like 20 minutes a day, you know, you just set a timer at any time. Doing a daily sun salutation to the Lord's Prayer. Simple, simple things that you can do on any day. Focusing on that thing, that is a way.

to start fresh without starting over. You're not trying to become a new person. Who you are is already really lovely and matters. Don't change that person. Don't start over on that person. But if you want to lean into the gift that January and fresh starts can bring, allow it to help you notice what you can do every day to feel like yourself. Then and only then do I think you can move. into other areas of life that are more practical and work out tangible small solutions for those things. We have almost 300 episodes that can help you with practical things in your life, some of which you might really like a fresh start on this year. But if you do not begin by tending to who you are right now, no multitude of solutions, no number of New Year's resolutions,

even lazy genius impacted ones will really make as deep an impact as this will. So start with you. Start with honoring who you are, with how you're made, and where your value and purpose come from, whatever that is for you. Then you can move into the other things. So let's recap. First, this is a season where the geniuses are really loud, and that's okay, that's okay. They can be loud, but you can also choose not to listen.

So think about continuing, not beginning, tending, not fixing. Start small, don't take big swings. Reflect and notice. Don't evaluate. And live in the season instead of trying to control the whole year. And in all of this, as you reflect on these words from this episode and also the ones in your own life as you look back, remember, remember to match your expectations to the energy you're willing to give.

Think small, think seasonally, be kind to yourself and all of it. And that's how to start fresh without starting over. Now before we go, as always, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week, it is Rachel Curry. Rachel emailed us this. Hi, Kendra, I have a little lazy genius tip

that I wanted to share with you and your listeners. When I do the dishes, I mentally divide up the cup. area in the dishwasher in two-fourths. One is for knives, one is for forks, one is for spoons, and one is for random items like whisks, serving utensils, etc. And that way when I go to unload the dishwasher the next day, putting away the items is much faster. I spend less time thinking and sorting and dropping. I know what's where in the dishwasher, where it goes, and the flow is just faster and better. It seems so silly, but I swear it's a little something that just is that much easier and makes me that much happier. Rachel, I love this idea. And also, what's funny is that

I do a version of this, but I do it differently because of what matters to me. So I'm going to share mine, my version of this. We used to do the knives in one divider, forks in another, and so on. but that actually slowed down my loading of the dishwasher, which I wanted to get done very quickly. I didn't want to sort through all the silverware and put it in the right place. Plus, my husband really does not enjoy when the spoons actually are spooning, you know, and they don't get clean. So our utensil holes in our dishwasher are, they're also a bit small. So here's how I do this in a slightly different way, but it sort of accomplishes the same thing

that your way does, which is to make things easier and therefore like a little happier, right? So our utensil caddy, it is long and skinny, everybody, and there are eight compartments in it. So one half of that caddy, so the front four are for actual silverware. Now, it does not matter what compartment a spoon goes in versus a knife. Just that everything that's regular silverware related, that goes in that front half of the caddy. That's it. Now, in the back half of the caddy, the four compartments in the back half, they are organized by where the thing goes. At the end, where does it get put away?

So there's one compartment for things that go in a knife drawer in the separate drawer. So like a vegetable peeler, the cheap pairing knives that we use for cutting up fruit. I do not wash this by hand at all. Then there's another compartment for the plastic kids utensils. So those don't get mixed up. Then there are other things that are the same color as the kids utensils, but they're like baking, like little baking teaspoons and spatels and stuff. Those are in a separate compartment.

So I can grab all those and put them in that one drawer. And then probably the fourth one is for utensils. that go in a counter caddy, right? Regardless, I put those things away in the dishwasher by where they will end up. My categories are just different than Rachel's. So everyone listening could have their own unique categories based on their own needs. This is why I love being a lazy genius and this is why it matters. You just apply a principle like batch it.

That's what we just did to your own need based on what matters to you. Rachel put spoons in one compartment because that matters to her. I put teaspoons and whisks in one compartment and scatter my spoons wherever they are in a bigger area because that's what matters to me. You can do what matters to you. And the 13 lazy genius principles laid out in my book The Lazy Genius Way, they will help you do that. That's why they're there. Also, if you want to think about your kitchen in a way that actually helps you function in it well,

a wonderful book to start the year with is The Lazy Genius Kitchen. It's my second book. It gives you the most practical. I mean, I cannot explain this enough, guys. It's not a cookbook. It's not a cookbook. It is a book filled with practical steps to figure out how to organize your space based on what matters to you, what you should shop for, how to store your stuff based on what matters to you, how you should plan or not plan your meals, what matters to you about gathering with other people around your table, how to let go of what doesn't. It is a fantastic resource that you will turn to again

and again. I promise you. So if you heard this tip and you're like, huh, that sounds like that might help me or something like that that's simple, the lazy genius kitchen is full of them. It is full of them. It is full of ways to create those kinds of easy moments in your kitchen, no matter how many people live in it, no matter how often you cook in it, no matter if you like being there. So it is a really, really great book. I highly recommend you get it. Thank you so much for writing in Rachel as well, and congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. Okay, y'all, that is it for today. Thank you so much for listening. Happy New Year. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra.

I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it so dangerous? It's Sit. I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.