The Lazy Genius Podcast - #316 - How to Not Bummer Your Summer

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

Because of our wonky expectations about this supposedly magical season, we all have unmet expectations. There will be times when you don’t deal with them super well. So in today’s episode, let’s figure out how to not bummer our summer.   Helpful Companion Links Find the complete list of episodes mentioned in this episode here. Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! Download a transcript of this episode. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Amazon presents Laura versus Fruitflies. Swarming your fruit and terrorizing your kitchen, these little freaks multiply at a rate that would make a rabbit say, yo. Chill. But Laura shopped on Amazon and saved on cleaning spray, countertop wipes, and fly traps. Hey, fruit flies, your baby boom ends here. Save the Everyday with Amazon. Hey there, you are listening to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 316. How to not bummer your summer. All credit to Sarah A. McQueen, a lazy genius who follows me on Instagram and who in an Instagram live. When I asked for title ideas for this episode immediately dropped the mic with How to Not Bummer Your Summer.

and then the live was over. Like, we were all like, there it is. We're done. So thank you, Sarah, for this amazing title. Also, props to Megan McDonald, the author of the Judy Moody series, who has a book called Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer. Nobody wants a bummer summer. Judy Moody doesn't, neither do we. But because of our wonky expectations about this supposedly magical season, we bummer our own summers, maybe even more than we realize. So in today's episode, let's figure out how to not bummer our summer. If we were to boil it down, I think the main thing that will bummer your summer is a pattern of adverse reactions to unmet expectations. Let me say that again. A pattern of adverse reactions to unmet expectations. Because there will be

unmet expectations without question yours a partners your kids for sure if you have them we all have unmet expectations and there will be times where you don't deal with them super well there will be times when your kids or spouse or co-worker or whoever is relevant to the situation will not deal with them super well that's not the issue a singular adverse reaction to unmet expectations does not a bummer summer make. It's the pattern. It's our mindset around what is happening, how we handle it and how we choose to let it impact future days. So if that's the pattern, let's upset the pattern. I think the way to not bummer your summer is to consider three areas of unmet expectations and recognize that the consistent choices you make here, not singular, not just one reaction,

but the consistent choices you make here are the key. Those three areas are attitudes, plans, and memories. Okay, let's start with attitudes. Everyone has different summer experiences, obviously, but there are things that only happen in the summer. There are certain feelings from those experiences that only happen in the summer. So no matter what your summer will look like, your attitude will matter. And maybe more importantly, the attitude of other people will matter to you.

If you have kids or a partner and you are dealing with the strange schedule of those kids being out of school and you're working from home with them around or like you're shifting the division of labor in your house because of summer schedules, you will crave for everyone to be amenable. when it comes to things that people don't really want to do, you will want attitudes of flexibility, of compliance, of helpfulness. When it comes to things you have planned that are fun, like a lovely experience, you will want attitudes of enthusiasm and gratitude. You want the reaction of others to be a certain thing, no matter what's happening. And when that reaction is not what you want or not what is easiest for you to deal with, you likely will

get upset. There will be some bummer in your summer. Another area where you'll have unmet expectations is in the plans you make. You might have already started spending time thinking about how you will make this summer happen. Your challenge might be filling days. You have days with tiny kids and you have to fill them up. Or you're working from home with big kids at home and they need you to drive them places and you have to work. Or it's managing how to live with less income because the entrepreneur that you work for it doesn't work as much in the summer and does it need as many hours from you. We all have different plans we're making about a wide range of things. And we can bring bummer into our summer with our reaction to the execution of those plans. And again, it's the

consistent adverse reaction to those plans. Now, most of the bummer could be avoided or misdirected based on your reaction. Remember that learning to pivot is better, than learning to plan. However, if you have a bad plan, you're more likely to deal with the poor execution of that plan. I mean, I realize that's like a weird thing to say. Like, pivoting matters, but so does having good plans. Okay. So I have gathered together 15 episodes, 15 that are really excellent guides to some aspect, probably of your summer plans. I think everybody would find one episode in this list that should get a re-listen to help you make a plan that has a smaller chance of not working. If I sound confident, it's because I am. These episodes get a lot of downloads,

even after a year or two of after release, right? So I'm bringing them to mind for you now so you can listen to whatever you need. I love figuring out plans. They're not prescriptive. Remember that. they're all principled and they help you figure it out, but they work probably better than some slap shot thing that we usually try to put together where we're desperate. Okay, the first category of episodes is for higher level broadly strategic thinking. Two of them are super recent. Episode 313 was just three weeks ago and it is 10 questions for the start of summer. If you didn't answer some of those questions, I really encourage you to do that. The answers will help direct you in some of your planning. Another recent episode is episode 310, how to pivot around any obstacle. That is super important

in any season, but I think it's summer especially. Remembering the actual steps of how to do this. There are steps. Breathe, access softness, remember what matters and all the rest of them. It will be an incredible tool for you in a season of pivoting. Holy molly, summer for us at least has so much pivoting, like so much. And then a final broader episode. you might want to consider in a season that is generally marked as quite fun is episode 306, what we need to have more fun. So maybe as you plan things, you can relax a little into what fun is for you, your kids, your friends, whoever, and have better tools to make those fun things happen. The second category of episodes that you might get a lot of help from involves working,

your jobs, your responsibilities, and how to balance that with the other parts of your life. It is the age old question, right? Work life balance. Some episodes that might help you as you plan your work this summer are, there are three of them. Episode 297, five steps for more ease at work. I really love the reaction to this episode. It surprised me simply because of the number of people who reached out after it came out, genuinely thankful for things they had never thought of before. That's my favorite when there are light bulb moments all over the place. And while the light bulbs in this episode aren't megawatt light bulbs, I think megawatt isn't our vibe anyway. We love like flickers of doable, practical things to make life and work a little bit easier. Another work related episode is

episode 257, the lazy genius guide to work life balance. It is what it sounds like, but legitimately hopeful instead of like pie in the sky. And then finally, I love any chance to bring out this episode from what feels like just a couple of months ago and in reality was exactly a year and half ago, wild, but that's episode 238. How to get stuff done when you don't feel like it. There's a lot of that in the summer. And I think in certain summer situations, that feeling is even stronger. Like you're playing outside and the kids aren't fighting and you for sure don't want to go inside make dinner. No way. Or it's a beautiful day and your entire family is leaving to go play at the park or the splash pad or go to the museum or whatever and you have to stay home working, right? Or you stayed up late

with friends around a summer bonfire or you got drinks or something and you're having to still get up in the morning to go to work and you just don't want to? It's that just don't want to energy that shows up a little more often in the summer, I think. So for anything where you just don't want to get your stuff done, the episode had to get stuff done when you don't feel like it is actually one of the best episodes we have. We'll be right back. It's something else you now, something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus, it's the series Stephen King calls scary as hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real.

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okay a third category of episodes to help with your planning is around food i have three episodes here too the first is episode 279 how to fix dinner when you're never home now this episode was not made or released in the summer because this is a challenge all year round. But if you are in that predicament where you, you're never really home, but you still have to eat, listen to this episode. Another that can help is episode 271, how to fix summer dinners. For a decent percentage of you, particularly those with kids, summer dinners are just a different animal and they need a different approach. If that's you, try this episode. And finally, episode 215, hospitality on the fly. To me, Summer is this season the most ripe for this kind of thing for asking friends who are at the park

with you if they want to come over for dinner or you ask the neighbor to join you on the porch for lemonade or your kids bring friends home and you're quickly figuring out how to feed them all and even just the emotional, relational barriers to get over that too is in this episode. A lot of you are just not comfortable with on the fly hospitality. You barely feel comfortable inviting anyone over when you have all the time to prepare. But just randomly, like when there might be laundry on the couch, that's nuts. So this episode speaks to that too. A fourth category of episodes.

I mean, you guys, there are so many helpful, relevant episodes to your summer planning. It is the category of daily obstacles. For example, maybe now is a good time to listen. Episode 216, navigating siblings who fight. I mean, who knows? I'm not in your house. Maybe you don't need this. Maybe you do.

But I really highly recommend that. Another one is episode 212, a guide to summer house. rules. I mentioned house rules in the 10 questions for the start of the summer episode. And if you want a deeper dive into what house rules could do for your own summer planning, there's an entire episode just for that. And then finally, summer planning can sometimes feel like one big sweep. You plan the entire summer. Or you think about decide oneses and house rules and rhythms and routines and meal plans and all of it from like the last day of school or like Memorial Day to the first day of school or Labor Day. It's like the summer is one thing. But y'all, that's usually not very practical. The way you start out is likely

not how you're going to end. And that's okay. It might be good to break the summer down into smaller pieces. And there's a decent chance for a lot of you. A weekly plan is actually too small. It's too granular. Like if you have little kids at home planning things day to day or week to week, it might feel too in the weeds and repetitive. And it makes you feel like you're going to pull your hair out. So try the bonus episode, How to Lazy Genius the start of a new month. This isn't about planning every minute or marking every event or making every decision. No, no, no, no. It's simply about your intention based on the season you're in and doing some things now

to help make the next few weeks a little easier. So try that one out if it feels like it would be helpful. And then finally, the fifth category of helpful episodes for summer planning are episodes about doing stuff. So episode 266 is How to Lazy Genius Assum. summer at the pool. Episode 248 is the lazy genius guide to easier travel. And episode 265 is how to come home for a vacation. Those all might be particularly irrelevant to you depending on what you have going on this summer. Also, if you're getting married or moving or throwing a shower of some kind, all three of

which seem to happen in the summer a lot more than in other seasons. Episode 205 is had a lazy genius wedding. Episode 201 is the lazy genius guide to moving. And episode 130 is how to host anything. So there you go. All right. So attitudes can be a thing and plans, whether poor plans or poorly executed plans can also be a thing. The third thing that can be a thing is in regards to memory making, magic, beloved traditions. Now hear me, there's nothing wrong with making memories. there is nothing wrong with wanting to make experiences magical for your people, your kids especially. There's nothing wrong with hoping something will be so beautiful and fun that it will make a mark and become a tradition. I value all three of those things. And this is the kind of thing

that will bring so much bummer into your summer. If you let your desire for intangible memory creation. If you let that desire become the engine, you will burn out so fast. You will get so mad. There will be so much bummer in your summer. You cannot manufacture memories or magic or traditions. You just can't. There are too many variables, namely people. Now, can you create environments where something like that might happen? Sure, of course. Can you repeat something you did last summer that everyone loved and hope that it sticks this year too. Absolutely. The actions to create memories and magic and traditions, they're not the problem. Your attitude toward them is the problem. Basically, when you present your family unit with an experience that you hope will bring them magic and sparkles and what have you,

you need to hold the same attitudes you expect of your people. Flexibility, enthusiasm, gratitude. You're not the ringleader of a show you're running and everyone else needs to fall in line. That's not how you make magic. You've got to let those expectations go. If you read Happy Place by Emily Henry, you know what I'm talking about. That happened in that story. Which brings us back to the first two areas, attitudes and plans. Okay. Remember, you will have bummer in your summer because of a pattern, a pattern of adverse reactions to unmet expectations in those areas. In the areas of attitudes, yours and other people's, if and how your plans, are made and executed, and then how tightly you hold onto magic and memory making. So if we are trying to avoid the pattern, what can we do to disrupt it? I was talking to a friend of mine a couple

weeks ago on Mother's Day, and I asked her what she was going to do that afternoon. And she said, well, I'll probably make the kids go on a hike with me. They'll hate it, but I love it. And that's what I want. I want to spend time with my kids doing something I like. And while that is so characteristic of this friend of mine, it is not characteristic of me. I am deeply impacted by the negative attitudes of my children, like to a marrow level. Whining and entitlement and discontentment, it breaks me into a million pieces, and then the fire from my belly forms those pieces together again into a weapon, and I am not a fun person to be around. Bad attitudes are really, really hard for me. So my point in this comparison between me and my friend, who is like not bothered

by attitudes, she's like, they'll live, they'll be fine. My point is that we're all different and how much we're affected by other people's attitudes. And that's okay. But I think it's good to notice if people's attitudes or your own really impact you in a negative way. You'll have to work a little harder like I do to not have a pattern of pissiness towards my kids. And they're whining, even though they get to have fun at the pool and see their friends and eat popsicles literally every day. I am making you read for 30 minutes and you're whining. Do you know how many books I own in love and you will love them too?

Like, that's what happens in my head. That's what happens. The single display of a negative attitude from one of my kids, it sends me into a spiral if I don't stop and honestly implement the steps from the episode, how to pivot around any obstacle. I have to breathe. I have to access softness so much. It's honestly really annoying sometimes. But that's how I interrupt my personal cycle of bringing bummer into my summer. The plans and magic don't really bother me. But I can blow attitudes out from today into eternity, and I just know that the whole season is going to suck because of how one kid is behaving literally right now. And it's probably just because they're like hungry or something. So if that's you, spend your time in this category. Notice that to interrupt the pattern of

adverse reactions to attitudes. We'll be right back. Now, the planning part might be more your undoing and needs more of your attention, not the attitude part or the magic part. You might be someone who doesn't plan at all, and therefore you feel like you can't get a foothold in anything. You might be completely different in that you have planned your days in a very detailed way, and if one thing gets off track, so does the entire day, and then also so do you. So if that piece of it resonates the most, if you think your pattern of adverse reactions to unmet expectations is in the area of planning, either plans not made or plans not met, this is where you focus on breaking that. You remember that plans are intentions, not pass

fail. You remember that planning is simply choosing something for later. And if it doesn't happen, you didn't mess up. You remember that you can pivot. Again, everybody needs to go listen to how to pivot around any obstacle again. I'm telling you. You remember that how you react to the lack of a successful plan is way better for your soul and your humanity and your relationships. And even for your capacity to make future plans than a successful plan ever could be. Remember the purpose of a plan and be consistently kind to yourself and to people involved in your plans when they keep getting in your way. And then finally, if you are putting a lot of pressure on this summer for whatever reason, I invite you to name that. It might be the first summer being married or your last summer with one of your kids

or another ordinary repeatable summer that you don't want it to be like that. I want you to take a deep breath and remember what really matters. Don't force things to be a certain way. My city has hosted the National Folk Festival the last couple of years. And last year, it was at the end of the summer, we went and we had the best time. We met some friends there on purpose, but then we ran into some other friends there on accident. And we all just hung out and listened to music. It wasn't too hot.

So everyone had one less thing to complain about. The music was great. The kids were running around and playing with each other. We were right next to the food trucks that weirdly all had short lines. It was just a really great night. We had a blast. And I've already imagined going back this next year and trying to recreate that night. And y'all, that is not the way. That's not the thing to do. All we did then was show up. Sometimes you show up and things are magical. Sometimes you show up and things are ordinary. and that's okay. You can't force magic. And when you try to, you get frustrated that it isn't happening or that the little that is happening isn't being noticed by the people you're with.

Just go. Just be walk through the door of whatever the simple experience is and just be there. Remember one of our favorite statements. Good is here right now. Just enjoy the good that's here right now. And don't try and force it into a future memory. Break that pattern of expecting that everything will be magical and then having an adverse reaction when it's not. So the way to not bummer your summer is to remember that the way to bummer your summer is by having a pattern of adverse reactions to unmet expectations. And those expectations usually exist in one of three areas, attitudes, plans, and memory making. So relax as you learn to pivot in those disappointments.

Expect that not every plan will work. Expect that your kids will complain. Expect that you will ask a kid about that thing your family did a couple years ago that is so memorable to you and they will have zero recollection. But also expect that sometimes attitudes will be great. Sometimes plans will work. Sometimes memories will be made and traditions will start. But live where you are.

Be where you are. enjoy the summer without poking and prodding it into something of your own creation. Don't bummer your own summer, y'all. Don't bummer your own summer. I hope this helps you not to. All right, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week, it's Kelly Grayson. Kelly sent me this message on Instagram, which any of you can do, by the way, with your idea.

Kelly writes, my family attends church on Sunday evening, which makes my whole family turn into ravenous beasts by the time we get home. Instead of stressing out over what to make, we have decided, once that we now have cereal Sundays. And on the last Sunday of the month, we get Culvers. It's literally been the best way to end our weekends and even helps set the tone for the upcoming week when we aren't running around frazzled on our Sunday night. I love this practical idea, Kelly. So many of you do things like this. You use the meal matrix where a certain meal is on a certain day. But I always love bringing out examples of them to show how such a simple decision can make a

really huge difference, even beyond just dinner, right? So thank you for sharing Kelly, and congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. All right, all, that's it for today. Thank you for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life, because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to

Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.