The Lazy Genius Podcast - #321 - How to Neutralize the Sunday Scaries

Episode Date: July 3, 2023

It’s very likely all have felt this to varying degrees in varying seasons of our lives. One Sunday can feel fine, and the next we feel like everything might catch on fire. So here’s what I’d like to offer. I want to give you a helpful plan for neutralizing the Sunday Scaries. We’ll start with a three-step calming practice then I’ll give you seven things you could do to make Sundays less scary.   Helpful Companion Links A helpful guide to making a brain dump on Instagram circa 2021 Episode #177: The Lazy Genius Plans a Day Episode #238: How to Get Stuff Done When You Don’t Feel Like It Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode.   This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey there, you're listening to the Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 321. How to neutralize the Sunday Scaries. What are the Sunday Scaries? After a little research, I discovered that the term first appeared in urban dictionary of all places, but really entered the zeitgeist in the mid-20 teens. And it is a phrase that describes the anticipatory stress of the upcoming week. I would assume that that stress has existed for you at some point in your life. It's very likely all of us have felt this to varying degrees in varying seasons. One Sunday can feel fine and the next we feel like everything might catch on fire. And because there are so many contributing factors to that anticipatory stress, the more factors you have, the higher your stress probably is going to be on that particular day. What are some of those contributing factors? your upcoming work week and whatever responsibilities you have in your job, where you are in your

menstrual cycle, if you drank too much over the weekend and you have a hangover, if you have not refilled your energy by either being alone or being with people, depending on what you need. If you have too many unknowns staring you down in the upcoming week, trying to figure out what's for dinner, an unusual schedule or even a Ground Talk Day schedule that is just making you crazy because you feel like a robot and you're doing the same thing over and over again. the weather. If there are birthdays or anniversaries or special occasions that require more effort than you may be remembered to spend how much sleep you got this weekend. If you were your partner or you and your kid or you and your boss or you and your friend got into some kind of argument and that

relationship feels tenuous going into a new week, there are a lot of things, a lot of things that could contribute to a rising level of the Sunday scaries. Now when this feeling happens when we feel overwhelmed by something big, our stress levels rise, right? We know this. What does that mean? So what happens in our bodies when our stress level is higher is that cortisol, which is a hormone that is important in your body, it's like in your body all the time and matters. When you're stressed, that cortisol goes up.

And when cortisol goes up, it does not do great things. I mean, it does important things based on like warning you of danger. But usually the stress you're in is not actually doing. danger, but your body's acting like it's danger. Your heart might start beating faster. You feel like a deer in headlights. You're reevaluating every decision you've ever made and wondering what new planner, system, appliance, chore chart, whatever will change everything and make it better. High cortisol causes headaches and irritability. It makes you hyper-focused on neutralizing the source of stress. But because you're not thinking rationally, you start Googling how to handle the Sunday scaries, which does nothing,

but make you feel like you need to do more stuff. it is a whole situation. So here's what I would like to offer. I want to give you a helpful plan for neutralizing the Sunday scleries. And the first thing that we need to do is calm your body down. You cannot adequately neutralize the stress while you're stressed without paying attention to the stress. So the first thing we're going to do is talk about a three-step calming practice. And then I will give you seven things that you could do to make your Sundays less scary. Let's start with the three-step calming practice. You can do this when you are like deep in the Sunday scleries or you could do it to help prevent them. It is both preemptive and reactive.

Works for both. Okay. Step one. Breathe. Breathe. Take a few deep breaths. Always and through your nose. No mouth breathing. And this is to lower the cortisol. This is to let your body know that you are okay. It clears your. your head, lowers your heart rate, oxygenates your blood, slows you down. Breathing is literally magical. So whether you're deep in the stress or hoping it doesn't show up, breathing is the place to start. Step two, remember that not everything has to happen today. Not everything has to happen today. Not everything has to be planned on Sunday. Not every day of the upcoming week has to be ready to go, every detail locked in. You think that will eat.

ease your stress, but it probably won't. The Sunday scleries are anticipatory. You are stressed about what has not happened yet. In other words, sometimes it doesn't matter what you do about your upcoming week. You're going to experience stress no matter what. So because of that, don't put too much stock in Sunday being this magical problem-solving day. Don't feel like you have to have everything ready to go. Don't spend so much of your precious Sunday energy worrying about and plotting against what has not happened yet. Instead, tell yourself a different story that not everything has to happen today. Not every day of the week has to be planned today. You can breathe and trust your future self. The stress is in your head. Now, that doesn't mean it's not real or that you don't want to be

prepared for things. But because, Because this stress is in your head, you can make different rules. You can remind yourself that it's okay if not everything gets done or planned or assessed or fixed. You can do what makes sense for today, even tomorrow, maybe even further if you have the capacity for that. I mean, you can do stuff for the entire week. I love to plan the whole week. I'm not telling you to not plan the entire week. I'm just saying that's not the key. The doing is not the key. How you think about it is the key. How you think about your scary Sunday is. And when you think about it in its proper context, the choices you make, the practical decisions you make to support that upcoming week,

they are going to go better for you because you're making those decisions independent of your stress. So that's step two. Remember that not everything has to happen today. Hold it loosely. Plans are not past fail. They are just intentions. And you don't have to carry those intentions beyond right now if you do not have the energy, time, support, or emotional stamina for that. The third step after breathe and remember that not everything has to happen today is to ask the magic question, what can you do now to make tomorrow easier later? And I'm going to give you seven ways to answer that question. We'll be right back.

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and then to ask yourself the magic question, what can I do now to make tomorrow easier later? and if you have a decent amount of energy, you could extend that to the whole week. What can I do now to make this week easier? Now, you can also name like a specific thing that's happening in your upcoming week that's making you feel more stress than the other things. Put that into the magic question. What can I do now to make finishing that work project easier later? What can I do now to make hosting that family dinner easier later? What can I do now to make that difficult conversation I'm dreading easier later? The magic question is just you're jumping off. point for a practical choice. Now, listen to me is I share these seven possible answers. I am not saying

to do all seven. Please don't. Some weeks, one will be fantastic. Another week, you might have the motivation and interest to do four or five. You also might have your own answers, right? Each week of your life will likely require something different. How do I know this? Well, based on my podcast data, you are likely a lady. And ladies usually have periods. And periods usually change your hormone. every single week. Because of that, you're going to need different things on different Sundays. It's just the way of things. And even if you don't, even if that is not how, even if you're not a lady and you have something that sort of stabilizes your hormones a little bit more, life is really fluid and a lot of things change. So be aware that you're going to need different things on different Sundays

and be kind as you make that choice. Don't talk down to yourself because last week you did five things and today you can only muster the energy for one. Sometimes the kindest thing is to not choose anything. And it's definitely to not choose everything. Everything is a problem. You don't need more of everything to start small. Okay? So here are seven possible choices for how to settle your Sunday scleries.

Only after you have done the three-step calming practice of breathing, remembering that not everything has to happen today, and then asking yourself the magic question. in the context of today, maybe tomorrow, and only the entire week if you have the excess energy to do so. Okay? Okay. The first answer to the magic question could be a brain dump. Spend a couple of minutes writing down everything that's on your mind.

What's clogging up your thoughts? What are you worried about? What tasks are you trying to remember to do? What are you afraid you're going to forget? Just get it all out of your head and onto a piece of paper. I think a brain dump does wonders for what's swirling around. in our head. It does for me. I love a brain dump. Now, the reason it helps us later is because in your head, everything has the same urgency. And that contributes to ongoing stress. As long as your head is full,

your stress is going to hang around. So instead, I like to get everything out of my head. And once I do that, I see it all in relationship to each other. I see all of those stressors for what they really are. and then once they're on paper, I can triage. I can send each item along on its best path. One of my favorite ways to do that is to label things on my brain dump list as now, soon, later, and never mind. Because equal urgency is often the problem, assigning the proper urgency to those things in my head, it helps me know what to actually focus on.

Don't focus on everything. Focus on what matters now. Now, soon later, never mind. Could be a great way for you to categorize. that. So the first option could be a brain dump. A second way you can make tomorrow easier later is to move your body now. Moving your body is one of the best ways outside of breathing to lower your stress hormones. And this is why I like to go for a walk on Sundays. It's just a good choice for my mental health. So you can take a walk. You can poorly shoot baskets with your kid like I sometimes do.

I mean, seriously, terrible at basketball. Love to watch it. Can talk about it all day. can't play it worth a lick. You can have a solo or group dance party. You can garden. You can do whatever you want. But if you do a brain dump, for example, and you're still not feeling like a significant decrease in your stress, I think some movement is in order. It's not movement to change your body shape. It's movement to support your mind. A third way to make tomorrow or the week easier is to tidy your space. It could be that some of your stress is your environment. So, consider what would happen if you tidy it a little. Not your whole home. Just start small wherever you live. You can put away the laundry, maybe wash the dishes, put the pillows back on the couch that have been on

the floor, take things that are everywhere and put them in a basket or stack them up or put them on a tray. Put your purse on a hook or a coat rack instead of leaving it on the floor. Relatively simple things. Now, I say relative because some days a task like washing dishes is not simple at all. It requires so much energy that you do not have. So even for something that feels like it should be small, make it even smaller. So instead of washing the dishes, put the dirty dishes in the sink. That's it. You know, just get them out of your sight so they don't impact your environment. Be kind if the simplest things just feel like too much. But if you think your environment is contributing to your stress, don't channel your stress into big black trash bag energy where you just

Just throw everything out. Simply tidy one small area. Do one small thing. Positively adjust your environment with one small choice and see what happens. Now, if you do one thing first, you can give yourself permission to stop. If you feel like you can do another, do another. I like that approach more than deciding to clean one room and then feeling like you quit halfway through. If you just do one task at a time, finish it and stop when you're ready.

to stop. You know, there's zero shame in that. The fourth thing you could do to answer the magic question and neutralize those Sunday scaries a little is to think about food. Think about food. I'm not going to say you should meal plan or grocery plan or meal prep or whatever because sometimes those terms come with a picture of what that should be. Let's simplify it. Just think about food. Think about whatever aspect of food you would find helpful. Think about what you might have for dinner tomorrow. Think about what you might want to have for lunch tomorrow. Or maybe if you want to make one lunch you can eat off of all week. Think about the best day you can go grocery shopping or think about when you'd like to schedule a grocery delivery. Think about how stressful managing snacks for your

kids was last week and how you might make that a little easier this week. Just think about food. Food and eating are essential for life and therefore it's always around. And, and often always a problem to solve. So if that's an area that would help neutralize your Sunday scaries, just think about food. A fifth idea is to plant your flags. Flags are those things in your schedule that don't move. It's locked, right?

Things that are locked because of time, usually, like appointments, meetings, nap times, bed times, if you have little kids on a fairly regular sleeping schedule. We all have different flags, but plant them. And by planting them, I mean, just notice that they're there, be like, yep, locked in. Now, whether you do that on paper, you know, like on a planner or in your head or in a computer, notice where you have flags planted. Nothing else can happen during those times. And you can also organize the rest of your stuff around those times. It's like an anchor for you to

think about your week. Now, if you were in a life stage without flags, this can be frustrating. So make some. Make some flags. plant a flag in a meal, plant a flag at two in the afternoon, and the purpose of that flag is just to check in with yourself and maybe do some of that breathing we talked about earlier. Flags really help us find our way in a day. So if you don't have any obvious ones, make your own flag. We'll be right back. The sixth way you can answer the magic question is to use another of the 13 lazy genus principles, because the magic question is one of the 13. Decide once. Decide once about something. A meal plan for the week is just a way to decide once. You decided at one point what all those meals would be. Decided and done.

Let's say you have kids at home and you're struggling to find any kind of summer rhythm with them. You can decide once that every Tuesday and Friday is a reading day at your house. That could mean a lot of things, but it gives you sort of an umbrella. You could take trips to the library or the bookstore. You could actually read, you know, but maybe in a special place. Like you're outside in the yard or at a park. You could plan to have like longer solo reading time, read together as a family, listen to an audiobook together, design pretend book covers,

decorate cookies in the shapes of books, which is literally just a rectangle. Just notice an area in your life that seems to regularly contribute to your Sunday Scaries and neutralize it by making one decision. about that one thing and then you keep doing that thing until it doesn't work for you anymore. And finally, a seventh idea to help you answer the magic question and neutralize the Sunday scurries is to consider how you'll go to bed tonight. And if you have the capacity, think about how you'll go to bed most Sunday nights. In fact, this is where I would like to bring up the Sunday only bedtime routine. If the Sunday scleries are a regular occurrence for you,

a wonderful way to neutralize that is to have a specific bedtime routine for yourself that's just for Sundays. Sometimes we feel like a responsible bedtime routine is going to bed early, but not before doing some skincare and some stretching and some reading and lighting a candle and whatever else is in the image in your head. And while all of those things are amazing, they sound great. The type of bedtime routine that we think we should have might not be sustainable every single night. In fact, there are some nights I want to stay up late. My boys don't go to bed until after 10 o'clock. So it's fun to sometimes stay up past that and hang out with cause and watch a movie or a basketball game, which often puts me going to bed after midnight. There's nothing wrong with

that. But because we are often all or nothing people, we think those kinds of nights are irresponsible and that the responsible grown-up thing to do is to have a reasonable bedtime routine. We do every single night. Well, I don't think that's sustainable, maybe even necessary. Instead, consider if it would be helpful to have a Sunday only bedtime routine. A sober, make it an acronym if you want. It's not a very good one, but you know, do your thing. But Sunday night, it might be the night that you do go to bed early. Maybe you don't have a drink that night since alcohol can sometimes mess with our sleep. Maybe it's a night you do the skincare, you know, like the whole shabang and you do the stretching and you do the reading. Maybe it's the one night that you don't

pick up your phone after a certain time. By creating a bedtime routine for one night, especially a night that has a name with the word scary in it, it helps prioritize the tending of your stress on that particular night, which is great. But it also frees you up to not feel like you have to do that type of routine every night. That's the thing with routines we think we should have. If you don't do them every single day, the days that you choose not to do them feel like a failure. So it's kind of like what I said earlier about tidying. Don't say you're going to tidy the whole room. Say, I'm going to put the books away. And then do that and then be done with the books. And if you'd like to do something else, then you can say, I'm going to put the dishes in the dishwasher. And then you do that. And then you can be done.

You can stack as many tasks as you have the energy to do, right? But doesn't that feel better than saying, I'm going to clean up the living room in the kitchen? And then you make it a quarter of the way through and then you quit and then you feel bad. The same thing happens with routines. So instead of saying, I should really go to bed earlier and have this kind of bedtime routine and then feel bad on the days you don't do it. Just do it on Sundays. Just tend to yourself in that way on your scariest. day. Let the other nights do what they want to do. Sometimes they'll look the same as Sunday.

Sometimes they won't. But start small with Sunday and have a have a Sunday only bedtime routine. So those are the seven ideas of how you can ask the magic question. What can I do now to make tomorrow or this next week easier later? Those are not the only seven answers obviously. So please ask and answer for yourself. Also, again, please do not do all of these. Pick one. that resonates the most this week and do it for this week. Next week, you might have a different resonance. There's a different one that you're like, ooh, I want to do that. What you choose this week might not work next week. So be kind. Start small. Go slow. And remember, all of this begins with that three-step calming practice. The magic question is the third part. It's not the

beginning. Remember to breathe. And then remember that not everything has to happen today. It's going to be okay. Calm your body, lower your stress, and then ask the magic question. And I think you will really neutralize the Sunday Scaries. Okay, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week, it is Gina Fornier, who sent me this on Instagram. I have been struggling forever with paying bills. I hate it. And I'm not even sure why. In my mind, it feels like it will take forever. But when I'm finished, it literally is like 15 minutes. I googled lazy genius. pay bills. I love it when people do that. And your how to do things you don't want to do episode popped up. I listened. I even took some notes. Tonight I found myself with a rare evening where my husband and

kid were gone and I said, I may as well just tackle it. So I automated all the bills that were not automated and I paid them all tonight. I'm also going to add the reminder to my calendar as you suggested and I think it won't be so hard now. I wanted to say thank you, thank you, thank you. Now I'm off to listen to the How to Deal with Paper episode because that's a huge sticking point for me. Thank you for the greatness you put into the world. Gina, this message made me smile so big. Y'all, the struggle to just get the thing done is so real. And we all have different tolerances for it at different times.

What I love about Gina's message is that she waited until she had the time and the motivation. It's okay to not force yourself to do something when you're just not in a place to. It's a real thing to have overwhelm that makes things worse. So Gina did what she could in the time she had, and she set herself up with one little automated calendar reminder so that she's less overwhelmed the next time bills roll around, right? And notice that Gina did not listen to the How to Do Things episode and the paper episode and whatever other episode she found all at once.

She paid attention to one small, annoying part of her life, tended to that, and now that that feels like it's in a bit more of a flow, she's going to move on to another area. This is such a great message, Gina, and such a good example of how to be a lazy genius. So congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. Okay, y'all, that's it for today. Thank you so much for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra.

I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it?

I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.