The Lazy Genius Podcast - #338 - Lazy Genius Office Hours

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

We do these episodes about once a quarter where I answer your questions in more detail than I’m able to in an Instagram Ask-Me-Anything and more public than I might be able to in a DM. The idea here is to practice Lazy Geniusing situations together so that you can feel more equipped to do it on your own.   Helpful Companion Links Episode #99: The Lazy Genius Feeds a Crowd Episode #130: The Lazy Genius Guide to Hosting Anything Carving Out Me Time During Holiday Season Get on the list to get the Gift Giving Guide on Friday, Nov. 17 Get on the list for the Latest Lazy Letter (out on Nov. 8!) Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode.   This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi there, you are listening to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 338, lazy genius office hours. We do these episodes about once a quarter where I answer your questions in more detail that I'm able to do in like an Instagram, ask me anything and definitely more public than I might be able to in a DM. The idea here is to practice lazy genusing situations together. so that you can feel more equipped to do it on your own. In our last office hours episode, I split the questions into kid related and not kid related so that those of you without kids could listen to the first half and then bounce. This episode actually has no specific kid related questions. So everything is potentially for everybody. So let's jump in. First up is a question from Hannah D. Hensley.

Hannah says, How to Lazy Genius when life just feels like one season of survival mode after another. I know therapy, ha ha, but little's military, grad school, homeschooling. It's all just a lot. I want to enjoy my life and not constantly feel like I'm barely treading water. This is a very relatable question from Hannah. It also borders on being too big to answer. But that's a disclaimer I often give at the start of these office hours episodes. Big questions are really hard to answer. The bigger the problem, the more complex the solution. And the more complex the solution, the harder it is to actually make it happen. So when you're lazy genus in your

own challenges, always, always, always try and make your problem as small as possible. Now that said, this question from Hannah does feel like something that a lot of us relate to. A lazy genius principle is to live in your season. And that's a beautiful thing to pursue. But what if you have season after season that's really hard and you can't catch your breath? That's honestly pretty common. no matter what your circumstances are. This is where I will share a highly, highly important mindset that is not something tangible to check off, but something to embody during seasons like this, which again, maybe a lot of us feel. Staying grounded is better than staying on task.

Staying grounded is better than staying on task. What does that mean? Recognizing that life is hard, that you are not a robot, that you have finite energy and abilities, that you need to rest, that you have to let some things go, that you're going to be okay, that you can't be in this season without some kind of help, that you don't have to please everyone all the time, that you should not compromise who you are or what you need in order to check off boxes, that you can experience a wide variety of feelings during a hard season without apology, and that your rubric is not to make everything effortless.

and easy all the time. Those things are what help keep you grounded. And they are way more important than checking off your entire to-do list. So when you are in hard season after hard season, or you have several hitting you all at once, remember that the goal isn't to get everything done, or to make everything flow seamlessly, or to have everything perfectly organized, or to not be scattered or feel overwhelmed by what is happening. The goal is to stay grounded, to be integrated, to know that you are okay, even if everything is not okay. I think that being overwhelmed and stressed out, those things often make us catastrophize our life and our circumstances. We have thoughts like, it's always going to be this way. And I'll never get all of this done. And this is just too

hard and other sorts of always and never and forever statements. If you catch yourself saying things like that, I think it's a good indication that you are in a hard season and you have forgotten that you don't have to overcome it right now with one magical to do list or approach. You simply have to rest in the truth that you are a person with finite abilities and life feels like a lot. It feels like a lot. Don't try and fix your life first. Life tends to not cooperate. with that anyway. Instead, be kind to yourself. Release some expectations that feel burdensome. Focus on where you are right now. Not on the distant, will this ever end future? Living your days with that kind of present mentality, it builds on itself. It builds on itself.

Life doesn't necessarily stop feeling hard or overwhelming or like a season that will never end. But your posture toward that season, it will begin to shift slowly over. time. I can say that with experience. I see my therapist every other week and I have for years. And I say more and more often to her that I'm really proud of myself for how I'm handling the hard seasons that I'm in. Life still is complicated and there are a lot of aspects of it to navigate, some that sometimes feel impossible. But the thing that I've grown in is not my like navigation skills or my organizational skills or how to manage all the pieces, what I've grown in is in being okay with things being complicated, with being patient in dealing with just one thing at a time,

with trusting that even if something falls through the cracks or even falls apart, that it will not ruin me. Managing our lives and our hard seasons, it should not get top billing, being a kind person to yourself and to others in that management, no matter the result, that leads to growth that strangely enough helps you with the tangible management anyway. Like you focus on integration and you get both things. It's actually pretty great. So how do you handle feeling like you're in one hard season after another?

Remember that staying grounded is better than staying on task. Okay. hard pivot to our next question. This is from Yo Books and Things, which is a tremendous username. Yo says this. I'm super calling this person, Yo. How do I keep track of recipes? I want to try and cookbooks or the recipes that we love and I want to keep making. I have a binder of recipes that are printed off from websites or from magazines, but I struggle with keeping track of the cookbook recipes. I need more than the name. I needed no basic ingredients to. This is such a great question, very small and also very relatable. And I have a couple of tips here. Okay, it is important to distinguish that this is not just about marking recipes you want to try or recipes you want to make again. You can do that if that's all you need. You can do that by putting like a little bit of washi tape over a page of your cookbook. I've shown that on Instagram several times. Or you could do this by writing a list of the recipes and their page numbers in the front cover of the book or something like that. you can achieve a simple, I'd like to make this, marking multiple ways.

But this is not just that. Yo's problem is also about being able to glance at the page of that recipe and know a little bit more about the recipe itself. Now, obviously, a person can look at the ingredient list and the instructions, but that's not as helpful as it might seem. That's a lot of words to sift through when really you just want to quickly grab something to make. or choose to make, right? Seeing those main points at a glance, it matters. And not only that, everyone listening might need different main points when you yourself glance at a recipe. So I think this is a great time to embrace sticky notes or get yourself a tiny little notebook for this specific purpose. Honestly, I've used both ideas and have even connected them to each other,

which I will explain in a minute. All right. First, let's talk sticky notes. When you are flipping through a cookbook, try reading it with a pad of post-its. When you get to a recipe that you want to try, write down what you need to see at a glance. We all have different things that we need to see at a glance. For me, it's any ingredients that I don't usually have around. Since we usually shop for the same things, you know, I need to know things that are not normally on our grocery list. I also want to know how long that recipe is probably going to take hands-on. and the general order of what's happening. By that I mean, I might write down something like mix and

shape the meatballs. This can be done ahead of time. Sear, pour in an easy sauce and finish in the oven. That doesn't give me timing necessarily, but it gives me the gist of what skills and time are required of me. That's what I want to see at a glance. And I might have on there something like, you need fresh ginger because I might not have fresh ginger around. Okay. So that's what I want to see at a glance, and I will write that on the sticky note, and I'll put it on that page of the cookbook. Now, I also have a little notebook that lives on the same shelf as my cookbooks. When I cook a recipe from a cookbook that I really love, I'll actually write down a short version of that recipe inside my notebook.

It is the recipe at a glance. Now, not everybody would want to do this. I personally feel confident enough in my cooking skills and intuition. to read the Cliff's Notes version of the recipe and trust that I know what to do. Now, I do put the page number of the recipe and the cookbook it's from on that notebook page so I can pull the cookbook out if I want to. But more or less, I can glance at that page and know how to cook that recipe. It also helps really well when I'm trying to plan something.

I know the gist at a glance. So that's my version of the basics, right? So what I'll do when I'm meal planning is I will sometimes, not I'll always, the time, but I will sometimes take that notebook. I'll flip through it to find a recipe that I have made from a cookbook that's not like in our regular brainless crowd pleaser repeated list that I want to make again. And the basics for that recipe are already there. Now, a way that I sometimes combine the sticky note and the recipe notebook idea is to put some sticky notes inside my recipe book, my recipe notebook that have the next handful of cookbook recipes that I want to try

with that at a glance information. So it's almost like I'm making a cookbook cue. This is helpful if you have a lot of cookbooks and you feel overwhelmed by choice. You can just choose three to six cookbook recipes from any number of cookbooks you have. And you put those at a glance sticky notes with whatever information you need on them inside your notebook, inside your cookbook notebook. You're only pulling one notebook off the shelf and not seven cookbooks, right? This is also helpful if you like to have only a few options available to you when it's time to choose dinner over a stretch of days. You know, you have recipes from cookbooks already listed that you've cooked and you liked, and then you have sticky notes with a few new options and you just choose from there, as opposed to choosing from

a greater variety of recipes for Margaret Cookbooks. Does that make sense? Essentially, you are using the lazy genius principle, put everything in its place. Recipes are in the cookbooks. That is a place, but that place is a bit big, right? Plus, you need specific information in order to choose if that recipe is going to work for you at this time. Hence, hence, putting the at a glance information in its place, whether that's on a sticky note on the cookbook page or in a notebook or in some other format that you choose. So again, the specific idea, like, I'm not saying use sticky notes, that's less important than going through the process of naming what matters and then applying a lazy genius principle to see what might work. If what matters is that you see what you need at a

glance, great. Name what matters to you at a glance and then put it in a place that makes sense. Aw isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. Next up, we have C.J. Airbus. Eriksen 812, 812, 812. How do y'all read numbers like that? C.J. Erickson 812. That sounds like a trucker call sign. No, it doesn't. It's fine. This is what this person writes. I love over preparing for things. Like my diaper bag is so heavy, but I am a prepared woman. Same with my work bag. How do I determine what is necessary and what is over preparing? I find this question to be really interesting. And I want you to pay attention to how we think about this.

first, I don't see a problem here. Being overly prepared is not a bad thing. And it doesn't even sound to me like CJ is that plagued by it, maybe other than having a heavy bag. This is a great example, at least on the surface, of perhaps thinking or feeling like you should make one decision different than what you're doing, but you're actually okay with doing what you're doing.

Like there's nothing wrong with having a Mary Poppins carpet, where you literally have anything that anyone ever needs. Just because that's not how everyone packs their bags doesn't mean that you have to follow suit. So the only reason I respond to this question that way, at first at least, is because there isn't a real problem presented here. I think what CJ needs is permission. Maybe you need that too. Just take your bag.

It's no big deal. Now, if CJ really doesn't want to pack everything because she has to see a chiropractor because of her shoulder or something. Let's quickly discuss how someone can be prepared without carrying everything with them. This does have its limitations if you use public transportation, if you walk to work, or if you are, you know, walking around with your kids or you're going to a place that's a public place like you're hanging out somewhere publicly. However, be that as it may. If you are an overly prepared person, consider packing a prep bag. You can call it an emergency. You can call it an emergency bag or a problem solving bag or even your Mary Poppins bag. And it's got all the things that you

usually don't need, but might eventually need. Pack that bag, but leave it in your car. Leave it at work. Keep it separate from your daily bag. If you're at the park with your kids and the baby drops her juice cup in the mud, you can just run to the car to get a spare. You don't have to always carry a spare juice cup in your purse. Now, you likely don't need to actually carry a sewing kit or a first aid kit in your work bag because there aren't too many sewing or medical emergencies at work. But in the event, there is one. You have those items in a bag at your desk. The point is you can be prepared without having to cart that preparation around on your back like a pack mule. But also you can. There's nothing wrong with either one. Okay, these last few questions are geared towards the

upcoming holidays, you guys. These next two are similar to each other, so I'm going to read them both together. Emmy B-7-8 writes this. Any tips for scheduling the holiday that you're hosting so that you get a good balance of quiet family time and entertaining time? Also, this is our first time hosting. How do we make sure we have enough food for 12 people, five of which are hungry teens, one picky toddler and six adults? I have the actual meal covered, but what about nibbles over the course of the day? guests are from out of town so this is all on me which is fine but i'm stumped and then sweet sparrow knits writes this i would love some help lazy genius in gatherings during the holiday season as an introvert i love to host and i love spending time with my family when other people host but long car trips and

parties where there's nowhere to get away from the constant noise and small talk can leave me totally exhausted for days afterward how can i save some energy for my own time off while also connecting with my very loud and extroverted family. Okay. From both of those questions, we have two general challenges here. First, how do you feed a crowd? Second, how do you manage the energy of either yourself or of the group when different people need different levels of social interaction? Okay. Emmy asked about the balance of quiet family time and entertaining time and Sweet Sparrow needs options for herself. But let's start with the food. That's a little more tangible. We'll start there. I would recommend if you are feeding people over the holidays, I would recommend two episodes. Episode 99, the lazy genius feeds a

crowd. And episode 130, the lazy genius guide to hosting anything. Those are both essential listens to anyone who is hosting a holiday meal this year. I obviously won't actually go into those details, because there are enough details to fill two episodes. And we do not have time for that today. So listen to those. I also have a crowd feeding. like cheat sheet formula inside my book, The Lazy Genius Kitchen, along with a lot, a lot of hosting tips. So if you have been on the fence about getting that book, it would be a huge help for your holiday gatherings. I would also like to encourage anyone hosting an Emmy in particular to ask the families with the picky toddler and the hungry teens what some reliable foods are, like even for

the snacks. If a toddler has one food they're into, that's like usually enough. Also, most parents with picky eaters either bring back up snacks or they're prepared to deal with food rejection, you know, from their kid and they'll be fine with it, or they're just going to rummage in your pantry and fridge without a problem. Like, you don't have to be primarily responsible for the picky eater or the hungry teens, for that matter. But you can ask those families for some ideas. It's not lazy to ask. I think it's very caring. Position the question as wanting to make sure the kids and your family feel seen and they have some food that they really love. And then final food words before we get into the gathering part. When it comes to a holiday meal and wondering if you'll have enough, I leave you with two

thoughts. The first is leftovers are the best. If you have a lot of leftovers, you cannot cook for a couple of meals after a busy time of hosting, which is great. You can package up some of those meals in clamshell containers. You can share them with our unhoused neighbors. You can invite your teenagers friends over after the holidays and know that they're just going to eat the leftovers without you having to lift an actual finger. Leftovers are not a bad thing. Okay, so over making the food isn't necessarily bad. Now second thought, no matter how much or how little food you serve, most people serve themselves according to their own mental food math and what they see. Now, not everyone mind you. Teenage boys are actually the worst at this.

But most adults will look at a bowl of mashed potatoes. They will look at how many people are eating those potatoes and they will make a portion decision that is for the group. If you look at your food and you're worried that there isn't going to be enough, actually at the table, you can make a joke and be like, hey, teenagers, you guys go last. you'll eat anything and there's dessert after. So let everyone who either gave birth to you or gave birth to them go first. You know, like make a joke.

Teenagers love those, even bad ones because it gives them something to comically roll their eyes out. Okay. And now the question about energy and time and finding space during family functions. This is definitely a challenge because everyone is so different, right? Also, the circumstances are different. You might be away from home. So there really is nowhere to go.

You might have everyone in your house, so it feels like there's nowhere to go. Or you might simply be anticipating what you need, which is making you worried that you'll have nowhere to go. All of that is very legitimate. Susan Kane is an expert on introversion and quiet. And she had a guest article on her website by Navdip Dillon. He talked about being part of a big immigrant family and how telling that family that he needed some alone time. or telling them that he would stay in a hotel instead of, you know, in the big family house, was like almost an insult to them.

They just didn't understand. He also shared how he loved his family. And even the energy that they brought, but he could not sustain himself the entire time, he loved that energy. It's not that he wanted to change that energy. He just couldn't match it the way that they did, right? So I'm going to read a really practical excerpt from, his article. He writes this, I case out the joint to find out where the quiet areas are. Sometimes,

surprisingly, it's where the kids are. They get lost in play and they ignore the adults. So even though it's not technically quiet, at least I'm not the center of attention. I'll volunteer to drive and pick up groceries or pick up people from the train station. Inside the house, I'll make the drinks to escape the crowds. I really love those practical ideas from Nebdh. And I think that is a really good solution for people who are introverts, like on the cusp of the most extroverted season of all, at least for a majority of us. Start small. Think of small ways that you can take breaths, that you can step outside, that you can be in more quiet or be around people who are not going to talk to you for a bit. Think of ways that you can occupy yourself with a task so you can

get a beat on your own. You can suggest things like walks after a meal where you hang behind, or you walk next to someone who understands you and will walk with you in silence for a while. If you're a host, like if it's your house, you could even have like low energy hours in the house. Or you can have a room that's for people who need to get away from the chaos. It's like, this is the chill room. This is the no talking room. The overarching thought here is that you don't have to create a big system or big spaces to have quiet or solitude. Just think of one simple thing that you can do or as the host that you can offer to folks who are more introverted and need a beat. Keep it small. And I think it will feel more accessible and possible for you. All right,

these last two questions are about holiday gifts. The first is from Emily M. Zungu. How do you decide who to buy Christmas presents for? Great question. My answer, is pretty simple. I make a list. I cannot know who I will give gifts to without considering my options first. So I write down all the people, including my own children, so I can see it. I write down all the people that I could get presents for, and then I consider things like my season, my budget, my time, and the expectations that year. From there, I personally usually group people together, like neighbors, friends, kids, teachers, and I make one decision for that category. It might not be the exact same gift that everybody in that category gets, but it's some kind of

parameter that applies to the whole group. So maybe for teacher gifts, I decide on a book or a gift card or a box of homemade cookies. For friends, maybe I decide on a budget or a limitation of some sort, like the gift has to be something found or something having to do with plants or whatever. Basically for the categories, I make a choice or two to help direct me and what to do next. And sometimes I drop a category completely. Some years, my neighbors get baked treats and other years they get like a cheery greeting when I see them outside. You don't have to do the same thing every year or give the same people gifts every year. Each season will likely create different needs and limitations and even desires. And I find the best place to honor those differences.

is beginning with the list of who I could give gifts to. It's kind of like how we decide what matters, right? You make a list of what could matter, then narrow it down to what really does, and then again, down to what matters most. You can do that with gift giving. Put your genius energy in the places that matter the most this year. That doesn't mean you care about the other people. It just means you can't care about literally everyone the same way.

And then finally from Abu Ridley, I need gift. ideas for myself to share with others when they ask. I'd love to be surprised and get a gift that someone thought of for me. That's what matters to me. But also, I know it would be helpful for them, my husband in particular, if I gave some ideas. I can't seem to find the middle ground between saying nothing and sending links to specific things. First, I want to say how proud I am of Abu. And also now I'm wondering if I miss type this and it's really Abby. We carry on. Abou Abbey. This is a really great question. And honestly asking it, it shows a lot of intention in wanting to honor yourself. I want all of you to do that. I want everyone to listening to do that. You're allowed to care about what you

get. I bought myself a stocking stuff for last week because no one in my family will get me any. And I want to stuff my stockings. So I'm getting my own for myself. Okay. Now, there are two pieces, I think, to this question. First is the philosophical part. Are you okay not being a surprise? second is actually keeping track of the things that you like. I'm going to start with that one. I just have a note in my phone. It's labeled gifts for me. And I add to it whenever I see something I would really like.

Now, I just opened it up to see what's there, to use as an example in this episode. And honestly, there isn't anything that is so deeply required that I would be sad to not get it. Now, last year, that was not the case. I wanted this particular pair of shoes. so I asked my mom to get them for me. But keeping track of gifts that would be fun over time, it helps you see like what you want,

but also like if you really want that thing still and if it's worth it to be surprised. Having a list, it also gives you a sense of the types of gifts you like, like the categories. For example, I have three different things on my list right now that are art related, like art supplies. Now, none of those supplies really stables. out from each other. I'm not like, oh, I really want this thing. But it shows me that I love art supplies. And I would be happy with like just about anything from that category. Which leads me to that second part, the philosophical one. If you want a gift that is something that is for you and feels like

you, you can offer categories instead of specific items. So I would like some special art supplies. or maybe it's plants. Maybe you love plants. And so you're like, I would, you know, I would really love a new planter for this part of my house. Or I would really like to own something that's cashmere. Or I would like anything related to reading. If there's nothing specific you want badly enough to lose the surprise, share categories with people who ask. Categories that really do feel like you that you love. That might be a really nice middle ground. Speaking of gifts, as we close out, we have a really great gift resource coming out soon. On Friday, November 17th, we'll be sending out a fantastic resource email that shares

principles of giving gifts, so you have some permission in places that matter, strategies of giving gifts, like ways to decide once or keep track of how many stocking stuffers you have, and also specific gift ideas that I personally love to give. It's a lazy genius gift giving guide, and it's free to. anybody who wants it. You can go ahead and put yourself on that list to get that email by going to the lazy genius collective.com slash gifts and just put in your email address. We'll have a link in the show notes too. So thank you guys for your questions today. I really love these office hours episodes. So I appreciate you sharing your challenges with us. Okay. So before we go, let's celebrate the lazy

genius of the week. This week it is Sabrina Neald and it's also about gifts. I get that, listen, I get that it's barely November, but a lot of you are already thinking about gifts. So this is why I chose it. This is also not a verbatim message. So I will summarize the idea. Sabrina's family wanted to do a gift exchange like a lot of families often do, but they wanted to alleviate the pressure of having to spend money. So depending on the size of your family, like even one to one gift exchanges, you know,

if you just pull one name, like if you are a family yourself of five people like me, if it's me and my husband and my three kids and we all pull one. That's still five gifts. That can still add up, right? So here is what Sabrina's family started. They call it bake, make, or re-gift. They draw names or even do it white elephant style where you, you know, you do it by number and then you can steal from other people, that the gifts are either baked, made, or re-gifted. I think this is a fabulous idea that can work really well in a lot of people's families. Even if you try it just once one year to see. see how it works, it might be a fun experiment. So as we're about to step into November,

maybe that idea itself or something from it will spark what could be creating a little bit more margin around gifting in a way that really matters to you. So thanks Sabrina for sharing your idea and congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. Okay, that's it for today. Don't forget to sign up for that gift giving resource email in a couple of weeks. I am obsessed with giving gifts. I have been told I'm very good at it. I say that not to brag, but because I think the way that I think about it and see gifts makes me good at giving the thing, no matter what the thing is. And I can teach you that in this email. So be sure to go to the lazy genius collective.com slash gifts to sign up. And speaking of email in one more week, the next latest lazy letter will

land in your inboxes. Usually it goes out the first Wednesday of the year. But whenever that first Wednesday is the literal first day of the month, we usually shifted a bit. And that's the case this year. So that next latest lazy letter will go out on Wednesday, November 8th. I'll share book reviews of the dozen books I read in October and a story about how our fall opening ceremony involved my family accidentally letting baby goats into a corn maze. I'm also considering, I haven't decided this yet, but I'm also considering updating my Mount Cushmore standings, if you know, you know, and putting that in that email. So anyway, it'll be a really fun email to get. If you want it, you can head to the lazy geniuscollective.com slash join to get it.

Links to both emails will be in the show notes. All right, y'all, thanks so much for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life? Because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it.

You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.