The Lazy Genius Podcast - #341 - The Real Reason It’s Hard to Get Stuff Done

Episode Date: November 20, 2023

So we’ve tried to make the rest of 2023 easier, but even when we have a better understanding of what is going on, it can still be hard to get stuff done. When the rubber meets the road, it’s common to feel like we’re stalling out. Today’s episode is like learning a language. I want to share some broader perspectives on getting your stuff done so that you can orient yourself better in your daily life. And of course there are some practical tips in here, too, have no fear. Let’s jump in.   Helpful Companion Links Episode #339: How to Make the Rest of 2023 Easier Episode #238: How to Get Stuff Done When You Don’t Feel Like It Episode #334: How to Create a Relaxing Home Routine Olive & June Quick Dry Polish Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi there, you're listening to the Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 341, the real reason it's hard to get stuff done. We are in a season where there is a lot going on. A couple of weeks ago, we talked about how to make the rest of 2023 easier. And I hope you're feeling a little more settled ever since listening to that episode. If you missed it, give it a listen. which actually reminds me. We have an email that goes out every other Friday called The Latest Lazy Lisons, and it is a short but mighty recap of the episodes from the previous two weeks. It is fantastically designed, thanks to our director of content, Leah Jarvis, and it includes the lazy genius of the week, a summary of each episode, including step-by-step lists, if there are any, and extra links in case you need a little extra support. I also include a very short but personal essay at the start to help us walk through what we've been learning from those episodes. I learn from the episodes too, even though I'll write them. So if you would like to get that email to help you catch up on

episodes that you missed or to have notes for episodes ready to go, you can sign up for that at the lazy genius collective.com slash listens. So we have tried to make the rest of 2023 easier, but even when we have a better understanding of what's going on, it can still be hard to get stuff done. When the rubber meets the road, it's common to feel like we're stalling out. We do have an episode that could help with that, specifically, episode 238, how to get stuff done when you don't feel like it. But today's episode is a slightly different take than that one. How to get stuff done when you don't feel like it is like memorizing a sentence. Today's episode is like learning a language. I want to share some broader perspectives on getting your stuff done so that you can orient yourself

better in your daily life. And of course, there are some practical tips in here too. So have no fear on that. All right, let's jump in. You likely have a lot to do. You know, you got a lot on your to do list right now. Some things are normal and some things are new. The normal things might fill most of your time. And the new things, the unusual things, they are fighting for your attention. Some to do list items that are unusual or out of the ordinary. They are really important, actually. And yet, you still cannot seem to make time for them. You can't figure it out. Maybe you're applying to grad school, but you have like a million other regular life things going on. How do you add this new thing? Or maybe you're looking at all the holiday related tasks and you will legit have no idea what to do. Okay. I will say the two episodes already mentioned, how to make the rest of 2023 easier and how to

get stuff done when you don't feel like it are practical approaches to literally how to get the thing done. But today, let's get into the language of things. and to why it's actually hard. And I think this metaphor that I'm about to share with you is something that you're going to take with you for a long time. So I hope it helps. So imagine that you are going grocery shopping. You do it all the time. You know, you have your regular stores. You mostly know where everything is. And while it might not be your favorite thing to do, you can pretty much get it done without thinking too hard. In fact, if your list only contains items that you always get, you can almost shop on autopilot. You know where things are,

you've done this before. It's a bit of a drag, but here we are, you know? Now, imagine you have a list full of items that are not usually on your shopping list. This Thursday is Thanksgiving Day in the U.S. And maybe you're getting things that you only buy once a year, you know? Now, what happens when you're shopping? You're a competent, capable person, but you're also moving a little more slowly. You're craning, your neck to see the aisle descriptors. You're trying to figure out where to go to find what you need. You do eventually find everything, but it's not on autopilot, not at all. It takes a little bit of intention because you have new things on your list. Okay, the final thing to imagine. Imagine you are either on vacation or you're on the other side of town and you go to a store that you usually go to,

but you walk into a particular location, a new, a different location, and everything is in reverse. Has this ever happened to you? In Greensboro, where I live, we have three targets. And I have, you know, my one that I always go to. Now, there is a second location that is sometimes easier to get to on a certain side of town, if, you know, if I'm over that way. And I'll go in there. And it is the mirror version of my location. And it is the weirdest thing. I mean, I know where everything is, but suddenly I have no idea where everything is. Or maybe you go to your regular store and they have changed the layout and shelves are in new places. And suddenly the cereals and a new cubby back by the refrigerated section and it throws off your whole game. Those three grocery shopping scenarios happen in our to-do lists. So let's unpack them. Aw, isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life.

You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. The first grocery shopping scenario, we are shopping somewhere familiar, we're getting stuff we always get, right? That is living in your life's ordinary rhythms or cycles. We did an episode about that a few weeks ago, episode 334, How to Create a Relaxing Home Routine. much of our life, food, laundry, home stuff, work, it's kind of already in a cycle, right? It's not necessarily our favorite thing to keep those cycles going, but they don't take as much effort because we know where we are. You know, we know where everything is.

We know how to do this. And even if something is like a little bit off, we see how to fix it. We adjust a little bit and we keep the cycle going, okay? So that's like grocery shopping for the same sorts of things in a store you're familiar with. The second scenario, shopping for things that you always need alongside things that you don't usually need, is like having your regular life cycles moving, and there are some unusual, singular, out of the ordinary things that you have to take care of. In fact, most of us live here. This is where we pretty much stay.

maybe your list of unusual things is fairly short and therefore a little easier to integrate into your regular shopping list, you know, or your regular rhythms of life. But sometimes your to-do list, metaphorically your grocery list, is bloated with new stuff. Like this week, my actual grocery shopping list is Wackadoodle because I'm hosting Thanksgiving and I have to get a ton of stuff I don't usually get. So when life has regular items and these kind of singular out of the ordinary items, it requires a different mental energy from you to get everything done, right? Doesn't that actually make a lot of sense? And then the third scenario where you have your list, your metaphorical grocery list,

and you show up to a new store or your old store has, you know, been under renovation or something and you're suddenly so confused, that metaphor is when your season of life is suddenly different. And you haven't named that change yet. You keep looking for the pancake syrup in the cereal aisle, but the store has moved the syrup to the baking aisle. But you get increasingly frustrated every time you go shopping because what you need isn't where it's always been. That's a very relatable situation. So shopping for your regular stuff and your regular store. store is similar to the cycles in your routine and your life, the regular things that just keep

going. You probably don't love doing it all, but it's easy enough to manage because you know where you're going and you know what needs to be done. Shopping for new things alongside your old things is like adding these new singular tasks to your existing rhythms. And while it's not super hard, it's harder than when you're on autopilot and you're just living in rhythms only. And if you have way more unusual things on your list this time around, you'd better plan some extra time at the metaphorical store because it's going to take you longer just to figure out where everything is. And then shopping for old things in a new place is like being in a new season. You know what you need, but everything feels different.

You're disoriented. Somehow this experience doesn't make sense anymore, right? Okay. So I really love these three grocery shopping analogies because I think that they can help us name where we are in our own life. Like we've all been grocery shopping. We all know these three feelings. I also love these analogies because they can help you understand the real reason it's

hard to get stuff done. Metaphorically, we are rarely shopping for the basics only. Rarely does that happen. Rarely is your to-do list just on repeat. Right? most of the time, we are living in scenario too, where we have our regular rhythms, our regular list are things that we've got to get done. But we also need to get these three other unusual things done. We don't know really what they are or where they are, you know, metaphorically.

Our store doesn't even have them and we have to go somewhere else again. I'm just riding the metaphor real hard here. That scenario, it requires more time. more energy and more intention than the first one. And that scenario is where most of us live. However, the problem is this. We live there. We live in scenario too with our basics and our unusual things while expecting the feel and experience of scenario one. We expect life to feel like shopping on autopilot. But the reality is that we almost always have something unusual and singular, on our to-do list or more broadly in our lives. If you go into your day on autopilot,

expecting that your regular rhythms will carry you, all while you have several singular, unusual out of the ordinary things on your plate, you're going to have a hard time getting those things done. And you're going to have a hard time actually kind of getting anything done. Why? Because the things that are out of the ordinary for us that are a little bit unexpected,

that are outside of our regular rhythms and cycles, they feel more difficult to manage. And that singular difficulty makes everything feel more difficult. Basically, when one thing in life feels hard, I think everything in life feels hard, or at least harder. I think that's the human experience, especially if we're not naming that that's what's happening. We have to name where we are and how we're really metaphorically shopping. Don't just assume that everything has to feel like a run to our closest store for the basics. That's not most days.

The problem is we often live with one rigid expectation of how our day should be, not offering ourselves any sort of elasticity to those expectations. And then when a day doesn't happen the way we expect, we think something is wrong, often with us. No, you're not the problem. You just need to name where you are. That's the primary takeaway today. Name where you are. Name how you are metaphorically grocery shopping and then adjust your expectations.

Now let's talk about a couple of particular paths forward to help you feel better in all three of these metaphorical shopping experiences. And I'll give you some specific examples so we can kind of land somewhere. First, let's look at scenario one. All right. Maybe you heard me talk about the basics and you're like, um, Kendra, even that feels stressful. That could be because you do not have a household rhythm that fits what matters to you, that you actually don't have rhythms and cycles in your home that work for you. If that's the case, I would encourage you to listen to episode 334, how to create a relaxing home routine. Now, maybe you cannot metaphorically shop for the basics the same way all the time because you can't live in the same cycle all the time because you are a nurse. You are someone with an

unusual schedule, right? You don't live the same series of days or weeks. You are, beholden to a work schedule that changes a lot. If that's the case, finding that grounding rhythm, that energy of just going into the store and blindly getting what you need because you know where it is, finding that grounding rhythm is hard and often very disorienting. You are, you are, it's like you're always shopping in the store that's moving stuff around, right? If that's the case for you, naming that helps, naming that that's where you are. Name your normal, even when your normal is kind of abnormal. I would also offer that Decide Once is your best friend. That's a lazy genius principle that can help help you set some things on autopilot for those days that are unusual.

So, for example, if maybe you have three sets of three meals, so nine meals, you know, but they all use each set uses like the same general ingredients or something the same kind of prep and so when you get your work schedule and you have to work nights you have to work three nights and you have a family you can grab one of those series of three meals and that's what your family's going to have like you've you've planned some things that go with certain aspects of your life that often feel unplanned okay but really honestly just speaking to those people you have a hard go. Your store is always changing. It's like the stairs and Hogwarts, you know? That's really tough. So don't expect your baseline to be predictable if it's not. If unpredictability is

normal for you, name it. Naming it doesn't necessarily fix anything, but I think naming it makes it feel like, makes us feel a little more settled on the inside. One final word about scenario one. Let's say you feel good about most of your regular rhythms about getting your stuff done. But maybe there's one particular rhythm that's always tripping you up, you know? It's kind of like going back to the shopping metaphor, it's like you always forget that the eggs are with the deli meat on one end of the store instead of with the cheese on the other end of the store, you know? Like there could be, and it frustrates you every time that you forget. So there could be one particular cycle or rhythm in your life that you just can't seem to lock in. You just can't seem to remember

to get the laundry out of the washing machine. You can't seem to figure out what to do with your mail and with your bills and with all the papers. And they just kind of pile up and pile up and pile up and overwhelm you. And you don't have a rhythm to that thing. Right. If that's the case, name it. Name that cycle. Name where you're getting tripped up. And then just think about one small thing that you can adjust to make that cycle feel a little easier. No big. big swings, no changing stores completely because you can't remember where the eggs are, right? Make one small change to help all of your rhythms and cycles feel more in a flow. Because like I said before, when one thing feels hard, kind of all of it does.

So instead of changing everything, name what you are struggling with and make one small change and see if it helps. Okay. Now to scenario two. That's where most of us live. That's this current season. if you're listening to this episode right around when it releases, you know? The holiday season, metaphorically, has a lot of new items on our shopping list.

You've got to take a lot more time at the store, maybe even go to a couple stores. It's a transition. It's a different energy, right? This is an example that is not grocery shopping related. You're welcome. But I think it could be really helpful. Okay. I usually paint my nails every week or two, often during a therapy appointment or a staff meeting or just randomly on a week.

night. This is easy for me because I love using Olive and June's quick dry nail polish formula. It dries in like literally two or three minutes. I work so great. It's perfect for me. I also keep some manny tools at my desk in my office, which is also where I do therapy. So I can I can manny any time. Basically painting my nails is not hard to fit into my life because it already has a reasonable rhythm. Like it's easy to get done. It's grocery shopping scenario one. I don't even have to really think about it. However, last weekend, I bit or picked off all my nails. I did this because I drove through the mountains to go on a girl's trip, and y'all might not know this about me, but I'm pretty sure I have vertigo. And driving through mountains or being up high in any way, it takes me out of my own body.

It's like all I have is my lizard brain, and she is terrified. I had to drive over 100 miles in the actual mountains. I did not expect it to take that long. I even took like, quote unquote, the long way to try to miss some mountains. I don't think I did. I did not expect to have a panic attack on the road and have to pull over with some hikers that were starting a fire at a trailhead and called cause to help me calm down. It was a whole thing.

I also did not expect to revert back to my old nervous habit of biting my nails because of that experience. And now all my nails are gone. They are so gone that they are too short to paint. A couple of them are short enough to even hurt. Well, I don't love how they look right now, right? And on most days, it wouldn't matter that much. Like, they'll grow back.

It's fine. However, I'm going to a wedding this weekend. And I would enjoy having nice looking nails. Now, my plan for several days now has been to apply some press on nails. And all will be well, right? I even have the press on nails. But applying pressons takes a lot longer for me. than painting a couple of coats a quick dry.

I have very small nail beds. I don't like long nails. So I have to shape and file down every single press on nail before I apply it. The whole thing, it just takes a while. Now, they look great and they stay put forever once they're on. But getting them on, it takes a while. Why am I telling you this? Because I wrote on my to-do list, apply press-ons four days ago, and I still have not done it.

I keep rewriting it on my daily list because I still have not done it. Why, it is out of my rhythm. It is something I want to do that I like reasonably know how to do that isn't even that hard to do. But because it's out of my rhythm and takes a little bit more time, it's really tough to actually make happen. And if you have several of those on your list, on your plate, which you probably do, It starts to make everything feel hard. Again, that's why seasons like this one, like the holidays, feel like a lot. There is so much that is out of the ordinary. And trying to find time for those things alongside your regular rhythms is tough.

When we're feeling upside down or overwhelmed or too busy or like we can't get everything done, when we keep moving a task from day to day, today, today, today, our response, to that is it's often aimed at ourselves. It's like we can't get it together. We can't figure this out. You know, what's wrong with me that I can't organize my life in a reasonable way? Why can't just put on my dagum press-ons? We assume that we're missing something, some hack or system or product that will make it all easier, or that we're just not good at life. We're not good at adulting. We should not be trusted with investment accounts and home maintenance, you know. So instead of being honest about where we are and what's really going on, we spend our time searching for a big

solution to our problem. But actually, simply naming how common this is, naming that it happens to pretty much all of us, naming what kind of metaphorical grocery shopping experience you're doing, that can be really comforting. You're not an outlier. Fitting everything in is a tough ask for everybody. And you're not doing anything wrong. So rather than blame yourself or try to find a big fix, just name where you are. Name where you are. Next, we're going to get into some practical thoughts, like right after this sentence. But really, even if you stop the episode here, I think you'd be better off than you were before. Just name where you are and be kind to yourself there. Okay. Let's do some practical thoughts here. Here's the first thing to remember about these

singular out of the ordinary things. Okay. They will not just happen. If I don't put on my press-ons, they won't get put on. Like, without my attention, it's not going to happen. Now, cyclical things, these rhythmic things, they often do happen even if you drop the ball or things just sort of keep rolling in general. Like, if you don't make dinner, you and your family will just like forage in the fridge and figure something out, you know, you'll eat cereal. A kid's going to grab a Pop-Tart and be fine.

if you need to get dressed and all your pants are dirty because of where you are in the laundry cycle, you'll just put on a pair of dirty pants, you know? Eventually you're going to run a load of laundry, but you'll get dressed and the laundry will eventually happen. Cyclical things don't tend to sit for very long before the consequences become too dire for you to ignore them, right? But singular things are different. And I think there are four types of singular things that make us feel overwhelmed and upside down. So knowing what your singular thing specifically is, I think is going to help you get it done. All right? All right. The first kind of singular out of the ordinary thing that's complicating everything is just a one-off task, right? It's something like making sure your

kids dress shoes fit before the band concert because he hasn't worn those shoes since the last band concert. That's one of mine right now. Now that task, we talk about making things smaller, right? that task can't really be made that smaller, much smaller, right? I mean, it's just a singular task. I need Ben to try on his shoes. If his shoes don't fit, then I have a new task. I have to get Ben new shoes that do fit him. Chances are that first task of trying on the shoes, it's not going to take long assuming Ben knows where his shoes are. And this is where I encourage you to actually imagine, like, the most complicated scenario of your singular one-off task. Ben can't find the shoes. And so it takes a while to even try them on, then the shoes don't fit them and we have to find new shoes.

That's kind of the worst case scenario. Go ahead and think through those little pieces a little bit, you know, and recognize how long this small task could actually take, maybe. Just put it in context a little. But usually one-off tasks that don't require a ton of time, you can just put them on your to-do list on the day you need to do them. And even if you have to write them down a few times, you're going to eventually get them done. unless they're applying pressons and then you actually have to block time off on your calendar

to do them literally this evening, which is what I'm going to do. The next type of singular task is a task that's new, but will actually become its own cycle. Something like a new medical treatment. Let's say you've been diagnosed with something and you need to take pills at a certain time every day. You have not been doing that before, right? That's not in your rhythm. You don't have a rhythm for that.

You have to add something new to what already exists. But you're adding something, this new singular thing, it's going to become repetitive. It's not like checked off and done. Weirdly, though, in our brains, we see that kind of thing as singular. We see it as a single new task to do because it's not rhythmic yet. So for that kind of thing that you're like, oh no, this is new, but it's actually going to be repeated, like a lot. Your task is to create reminders, you know, like put an alarm on your phone. You can do what James Clear calls habit stacking where you put your pills that you have to take

next to your coffee pot because you always drink coffee and you can take your pills at the same time. You know, make sense. So that's the second type of task. It's something that's new, but it's actually going to become a cycle and you have to approach it a little bit differently. The third type of singular thing is a project. A project is something that has an end, you know, taking your pills does not have an end. So it's different. So a project is something that has an end. And it's also something that has multiple decisions and actions attached to it. Right. Getting holiday gifts is a project.

Cleaning out a closet is a project. Applying for grad school is a project. Renovating a room in your house is a project. They all have an end, but they have a lot of parts. Do not. I repeat, do not write down a project on your to-do list as a singular task. It's not. It is made up of many things. Sometimes I will write something like plan the Thanksgiving meal, knowing that that task is really many tasks, it requires more time, right? It requires like 20 intentional minutes to figure out all the actions and decisions I need to make and do. so if you're overwhelmed by something that is out of the ordinary and you can't seem to get it done, it might be a project with lots of pieces and you will remain overwhelmed by it as long as you see

it as one thing. It's not one thing. It's many things. So make it into its many things and put those things in their place. It's strange, but I think seeing a list of very doable small tasks is less overwhelming. than seeing one giant one that has not yet been broken down. I think that's even true for doing my pressons because I needed to prep them. I needed to shape the nails, you know.

I could have done those things individually instead of one at one time, all at one time. So notice what is a project and break it down. You can't check off, get holiday gifts without checking off a lot of other pieces and parts first, right? So that is the third type of singular thing that's out of the ordinary that's maybe causing all of your to-do listing to be a little off. It's a project. So name that it's a project and then treat it like one. And then finally, the fourth type of singular thing actually speaks to that third scenario we were talking about to shopping in a new store or where everything's been moved around. and that is something circumstantial or seasonal that's kind of out of your control.

I used this analogy in the most recent latest lazy letter, and it's the idea of living in the shadow of a mountain. There are some situations in your life, a stalled renovation, which is where I am, waiting to hear about a job offer, waiting to hear about a diagnosis, having a kid with a mental health crisis. These are things that you can't do a lot about, but they cast a shadow. you're living in their shadow. And that shadow affects the rest of your life. But I think that even naming it is helpful. Seeing your circumstances, not as something to change or manage, but just as a shadow that you're

simply living under is weirdly calming and even a little encouraging. It does not change the presence of the mountain or the difficulty of it being there. But if you name that some of your overwhelm or your difficulty to get stuff done is because of the shadow, you might better understand what is in your power to do. So let's recap. Name how your life is like grocery shopping, all right? Which scenario are you in today, right? Are you just shopping for the basics? Auto on autopilot? Are you in a familiar store, but you got some extra weird things that you don't quite know where they are? Or are you in a brand new store and you're like, what just happened? Why is everything moving? I can't find anything.

Okay. Name where you are. Which scenario are you in? And be kind as you name it and compassionate as you move forward in it. Adjust your expectations to match where you are. Don't expect one scenario to look like the other, right? If you need a refresher on your regular rhythms, listen to episode 334. Otherwise, you can name these four types of singular out of the ordinary tasks that might be causing some discomfort or stress in your schedule, and they're impacting even the rhythmic things. It's that one-off thing that you just have to do. It's maybe a new cycle to add. It's a project, or it's a shadow. So naming where you are is wildly helpful, even if you do nothing else after it. Live with the naming. Get used to the naming. And I believe that you'll find it easier to get your

stuff done. All right, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week, it's Jen Banks. Jen shared this really simple tip for Thanksgiving cleanup, something that we might all be experiencing in just a couple days. So Jen wrote, when you set the table for Thanksgiving, if you use name, place cards, put a responsibility on the back so each person knows how to help with cleanup. Take out the trash, bring any dishes to the sink, remove the tablecloth, etc. Boom. Built in help. Also, no one is standing around awkwardly wanting to help, but not knowing how. I think this is such a great idea, Jen. I might steal this for our own meal on Thursday. But regardless of how you might use this tip, I think it's important to remember that cleaning up after any meal,

but especially a huge one like Thanksgiving, should be a group effort. Having everyone take part in a way that's kind and thoughtful and not falling on one or two sets of shoulders is just always a lovely approach to the holidays. So thank you for sharing that, Jen. And congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. All right, y'all, that's it for today. Thanks so much for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that.

More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life, because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way.

We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.