The Lazy Genius Podcast - #358 - How to Kindly and Efficiently Get Where You Need to Go

Episode Date: March 25, 2024

We all have places we need to go, and we want to kindly and efficiently get there. That looks different for everyone though. I’m going to break this episode down into three sections: expectations, kindly getting there, and how to bring in efficiency. Do not skip straight to part three, please. Helpful Companion Links Pre-order my new book The PLAN or ask your library to consider carrying a copy once it releases in October. Episode 223: The Lazy Genius Gets Out the Door Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi there, you are listening to the Lazy Genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 358, how to kindly and efficiently get where you need to go. This episode was very unique to create because I could not quite figure out what it was. We did an episode three years ago, episode 223. The lazy genius gets out the door, and I love that. it is really helpful in breaking down the main reasons we all have such a hard time leaving our homes. Is that what this episode is? Not quite. But in order to figure out what it was, I had to go live on Instagram and spend a few minutes processing this episode with about 250 of you who happened to be on Instagram at that moment. Hilariously, Jenna Fisher was in the comments too. And with her and everyone else's help, we came up with, frankly, multiple podcast episode ideas. But I also think we landed on what this one is. We all have places we need to go, right? And we want to get there, but we want to kindly and efficiently get there. Now, that looks different for everyone, though,

right? Sometimes we're taking other people with us. We're going alone. Sometimes it is a routine leaving, like every day. And then other times, the chaos of getting where we need to go is because it's a place we've never gone before. And so we don't really know what we need. Sometimes we might have our own transportation or reuse public transportation. And then it's also not just about leaving, right? We also want to come home well. Like sometimes leaving creates more chaos. And then we have to physically and metaphorically clean up that chaos when we're back home again. It would be nice if that part was avoidable too. All that to say, this is obviously a very relevant topic. The all caps energy of the comments during the Instagram Live prove that. We all have places we need to go. And because you are lazy

geniuses, you want to get there not just efficiently, but kindly too. So I'm going to break this episode down into three sections. First, we're going to talk about your expectations related to getting where you need to go. Second, we'll talk about how to kindly do that. And then third, we're going to talk about how to efficiently do that. Do not skip straight to part three, please. Part three will not be as effective in your life without one and two first. Remember, lazy genius is going the order. And starting with efficiency is rarely our best bet. As much as we would like for the opposite to be true. We have to start with expectations and kindness first. So let's jump into part one. Let's talk about expectations. Expectations are slippery little buggers. We think that our main

organizational priority is to manage our time. But a huge part of time management is actually managing our expectations. If we manage our time, if we plan for how we're going to get out the door and get where we're going without any awareness of our expectations around that process, we will absolutely get frustrated. Rarely do our plans happen the way we hope they will. Some might say the rate is closer to never, not rarely, especially if you have other humans involved. And rather than accept that managing expectations is part of the deal and that it's a skill to develop, we just get mad. We get resentful or frustrated or frazzled or we start yelling at somebody or we forget important things because we've now activated our lizard survival brain

and it's just like all straight up chaos. That chaos might be outward or inward, but regardless, it's there. The skill of managing your expectations is highly valuable. If learning to pivot is more important than learning to plan, managing your expectations is more important than managing your time. Planning and time management are both awesome skills, but without the balance and importance of pivoting and managing expectations, you're just going to move closer and closer to being a frustrated robot. So the first step in kindly and efficiently getting where you need to go is to manage your expectations. If you expect that you're going to get up earlier than you normally do, that all of your kids if you have them will exit their beds in a timely manner with nary a reminder that the dishwasher

will get emptied and the lunches will get made that you will have time to make your own lunch to take to work instead of depending on your emergency granola bar that everyone will locate their shoes and keys and important sign documents without confusion or delay that you will somehow have time to quietly drink a cup of coffee or journal or do yoga or hit the gym before anyone needs you that breakfast will get cleaned up before you walk out the door and all of this before somewhere in the 8 o'clock range. If you expect all of that to happen and to go down easy on a regular basis without intensely thoughtful systems you've been building for years and likely children who are naturally amenable to such expectations, which is rarely the case, you're going to be

disappointed every single morning. You will be disappointed and frustrated and harried and scattered and annoyed that you or your people cannot get it together. You should be able to do A, B, and C, and D, and E and Z before you get out the door. But I'm not sure you should. I don't know that those expectations are reasonable. And even if they are, do you have the energy to fulfill them all? Remember one of our lazy genius mantras match your expectations to the energy you're willing to give. If you do not have the energy to wake up early and work out, if you do not have the energy to wake up early and work out, if you do not have the energy to be patient with your children and all of their childlike chaos, if you do not have the energy to do your makeup with the care you wish you had time for,

or think that you should have time for, if you do not have the energy to delegate where appropriate and help your partner or your kids see what needs doing so you're not doing everything. If you do not have the energy, especially in the morning, to catalog everything that everyone needs, that you expect that all of that will still happen. Disaster. Emotional logistical disaster. And if that happens day after day after day, no wonder you are turning to Google for help with a morning routine. And spoiler alert, the first search result for morning routine has 21 steps for the best morning routine. You're not ready. I'm going to speed through these real quick. these 21 things that are great for your morning routine according to the internet that you just

frustratingly turn to. And I'm talking the top choice. Ready? Get a good night's sleep. Avoid the snooze button. Give yourself enough time to get to work. Drink a full glass of water. Enjoy a cup of coffee or tea. Prepare a healthy breakfast. Take advantage of self-care. Fit in a quick workout. Say positive affirmations. Meditate by taking deep breaths. Prioritize important tasks. Listen to motivational music, call a loved one, subscribe to a podcast, perform an act of kindness, spend time on a hobby, think creatively, read an industry blog post, do a crossword puzzle, take a moment to stretch, and perform a retrospective. That was the first search result.

Now, I'm not dumb. I'm not intentionally baiting you here. I know that this author doesn't expect anyone to do all 21 of these things every single morning. But still, many of our morning. lead to getting where we need to go, even if it's at our desk at home because we still work from home. And this list, this has nothing to do with actually getting out the door or doing anything for anyone else, right? It's just a list of all the things that you should be doing

for your own morning routine, which generally leads to getting out the door. This is why we are frustrated, you guys. Our expectations are so off, partly because the the internet sets us up to think we're supposed to do a retrospective every morning and not hit the daggum snooze button. What kind of anarchy is this? It is not your fault that your expectations are high or even so high that they're out of whack. The messages that you have received about what your morning should look like for years and years are bogus messages. Your expectations have been tampered with in a wildly unrealistic way and it is time to shift them. Match your expectations. to the energy you're willing to give.

Even match your expectations to the energy you have today. Your energy will change from day to day thanks to hormones. So match your expectations of your morning or whenever you're trying to get where you need to go to the energy available to you. That is the first step. Now let's talk about how to access kindness as you get where you need to go. Your expectations do matter. So create kind ones. and if you forget to or you get a little too big for your expectation britches,

manage your expectations kindly when they go on that. And I think the most effective way to do this is by being grounded. You breathe, you access kindness within yourself so that you can have kindness for yourself. If you're running late and you're scattered and you find yourself raising your voice to your teenage son because he is moving slower than, I mean, frankly, a teenage boy, Remember that you very likely would rather stay connected to your kid and be a little late than be on time and mad at each other. What matters more? Now, sometimes being on time is a really big deal and you have to do your relational repair in the car.

I'm not naive. I love being on time, like a lot. But to prioritize timeliness over connection with our people will turn getting out the door real sour real fast, especially if it's happening repeatedly. Dare I say it, being grounded is better than being on task. It's not a replacement for being on task because we need to be on task, but it is a better practice to cultivate than cobbling together the best morning routine to efficiently get out the door.

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Learn more about their customizable plans at squareup.com. Aw, isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dacher Keltener, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. Okay, now that you're paying attention, not just to your expectations, but to how you manage them. And you're naming the importance of groundedness and kindness as you try and get where you need to go.

You will be better equipped to do it efficiently. I will shout it from the rooftops for the rest of the rest of. of my working days. Efficiency is awesome, but it cannot come first. Just like you can't organize stuff before you prioritize and essentialize. You can't truly be efficient before you are aware of your expectations and you're kind about the whole thing. Efficiency is not a solo act, y'all. Efficiency, I mean, we know what it means, but it's basically like doing the most you can with as little as possible, right? We've already touched on the most you can part with your expectations, and you'll be more satisfied with as little as possible if you're kind first. So, I mean,

expectations and kindness are like practically in the definition. So now that we know that, let's discuss how we can efficiently get where we're going, because that cannot come first. I want you to think about getting where you need to go in three phases. Okay. There is the pre-exit, the exit and the post exit. You can also think about this in terms of urgency. The exit is probably the most urgent part. Pre-exit is where there's no urgency yet. That might be like the day before you have to get where you need to go or a couple of hours before or whatever. But the pre-exit doesn't really have urgency. And then the post-exit is post-urgency, but you're like probably still a little hyped up from the urgency. So as we talk about efficiently getting where you need to go,

It's not just about when you leave. It's about what happens before you leave when it's not urgent yet. And after you've left, what you can notice about it, how it went, how you can kindly adjust what you might do next time. Okay? Okay, let's start with your, you know, pre-exit time or the pre-urgency time. Think about when you most commonly need to get where you need to go. Again, for many of us, it's just every weekday morning, you know? you're getting to work, kids are getting to school, you're beginning your day. When is the time that you are thinking about that next exit, but you don't feel urgent about it? Is it the night before?

Is it between 6 and 7 a.m.? Because you're a stay-at-home mom and your kids don't go to preschool until 9? So you've got a little more time to ease into getting where you need to go in the morning? When is the time that you're thinking about, even just a tiniest bit about the next exit, but you're not urgent about it yet? Okay, so once you name that, that time, what can you do during that time to help the exit work more efficiently? And I would say to start, just name one thing. What is one thing you can do during your pre-exit non-urgent time that can help ease the urgency of the actual exit? Maybe you can think about what usually causes the chaos or you consider something that makes you feel grounded and like yourself, which,

helps you manage the chaos and you add that into your routine. So you can take something away, add something in, or adjust something that's already there that you can either decide or do before leaving becomes urgent. One of the things I do to help me get where I need to go in my pre-exit time is I wipe off the kitchen counters before I go to bed. So Annie is in charge of clearing the dinner dishes and then my husband cause, he almost always cleans up the rest. But one thing he rarely does is wipe off the kitchen counters. He clears them and he washes the dishes, but he doesn't notice a shiny counter like I do. That's less of a priority for him. So it's not a regular part of his dinner cleanup routine. But when I come into the kitchen in the morning to set out the

kids lunch boxes and get stuff out for me to either make their lunch or for them to make their own and the counter is dirty from the night before, it escalates my urgency. It is frustrating and a little gross. And then sometimes, depending on the day, it makes me resent cause, rather than be genuinely grateful that he tends to the kitchen every single day. Now, he does it differently than I do, though, and that's okay. So rather than obsess about that difference and micromanage that difference, I just clean the counters myself before I go to bed. And then when I wake up the next morning to do the morning

routine with the kids, which is my area of labor in our family, I do the morning, it makes everything start off so much better. So wiping off the counter is one of my pre-exit things. Another one is that I plan my next day the night before. It takes anywhere from 60 seconds to maybe five or 10 minutes, depending on my urgency, my schedule, how tired I am. But naming what I have going on and deciding things like when I'm going to take a shower, when I'm going to have my coffee, what I need to take with me when I leave. Deciding all of that before I feel urgent is huge. So I make my own exit strategy when I plan the day.

It sounds more detailed than it actually is. But really, I'm just like, okay, when am I showering today? When do I have time to do that? I have early carpool. So I'll take my coffee with me because I don't want to wait until I get home because I'll have a headache. but I don't want to get up early and drink it before I have to do all the morning things because I have carpal, you know? Because my days also are different pretty much every single week day because of what the kids have going on, when it's my time to drive carpool, what meetings I have,

how dirty my hair is. I need to plan my day every night before. I just don't have a lot of consistency and what's required in the morning. And that is a huge part of what makes my mornings feel more efficient because decisions have been made before they become urgent. So think about what yours might be. Think about what you can do as part of your pre-exit when you're not yet feeling urgent, that you can decide now that can make the urgent exiting feel a little easier. It reminds me of one of our phrases, tend to the necessary, before it becomes urgent. Now let's talk about the exit itself. This is where I implore you to use the lazy genius principle,

decide once. Decide once about something that always happens every morning and see how that single choice might help getting where you need to go a little bit easier. One thing we do at our house is my kids, they do not have a hot breakfast. And if they do, they make it themselves almost every single morning. And I mean this. every single morning. All three of my kids, they pull out a piece of chocolate chip pumpkin bread from the freezer. And that's their breakfast. Sam gets his milk, Annie gets her juice. Ben sometimes makes a fried egg to go with his pumpkin bread. That's what they have. I make a giant pan of pumpkin bread like every couple of weeks. I cut it up into squares. I bag it up and I put it in the freezer. Breakfast is not really an urgent part of our morning routine to get where we need to go because my

kids, funny enough, decided once that they pretty much just eat pumpkin bread. And if they don't, they eat something else from the freezer, like pancakes or waffles or cooked bacon that they just microwave. I do not cook breakfast. No one's making breakfast. That single decision makes a huge difference for us. Is it the decision you should make? No, but it works great for us. Now, you might think, well, what about the egg? What about the fried egg? Or what about the breakfast dishes left behind by the frying of the egg or just the kids eating in general. This is a fair question, and it's another decide once. Recently, we divided up dish duty among the three kids because it got too annoying to constantly decide whose turn it was to clean up a meal, like whose day. I was talking to my

friend Hannah, and she shared that with her three kids, they divided up the dishes by meal. So a different kid cleans up the breakfast dishes all the time, not just their own, everyone's. Another kid does lunch. Another kid does dinner. We started doing that and it is awesome. It has worked so well for us. And guess who got breakfast? Ben, the fried egg maker. He's also the last kid at home every single week. He leaves last because his brother, even though they go to the same school, has before school activities three out of the five mornings. And any school starts sooner than the boys do. So Ben has always last at home. And Ben also has more variety with his breakfast than the other two do. So he cleans up breakfast.

Decisions like that that you decide one time and then you let them ride until they don't serve you anymore are incredibly successful and relatively simple ways to make your morning or getting where you need to go more efficient. I am doing more with less because I'm not having to make breakfast or clean up breakfast. Decide wants took care of that. P.S. Ben is a morning person and deeply responsible. He's a 73-year-old poet. who like knows how to get stuff done. So he is he is the best child to handle morning things because he's not dragging like other children would. There's no way I would give the morning dishes to one of my other kids. So you know, just for realism's sake, there you go. All right. So I want you to think about a part of your own process in getting where you need to go and think about where you can apply,

decide once. Where can you make one decision one time about one thing? And then you just let a go. If you can do that, it will absolutely help with the efficiency part, even just one thing. Okay, so that's the exit, exit. Finally, the post exit. We will not always have an efficient and kind exit. It is a tough thing to have happen every single day because we are humans and likely live with humans and life is often a mess. You know, I want to be a mom who doesn't get annoyed at her kid for making the carpool weight. But I do. I do. Even this morning. I get broed by my oldest kid, three out of five mornings because I'm nagging him to get going. And I'm like, say, no, I don't he's like, bro. I get broed all the time. I'm not great at this. But I'm working on being

more connected and grounded and paying attention to the connections that I have with myself and my people than I ever have before. And part of that happens in this post exit. When everyone leaves or I have left, whether I'm in the car or by myself in the house, I will often take a breath and I'll notice what happened. Did I get frustrated? What triggered that? Did I get triggered at all? What went well? What am I proud of that I stayed grounded through? I just briefly, I'm talking like just a couple seconds. I just briefly notice how kindly and efficiency the exit happened and either make a note to adjust something later or I repair any harm that my lack of kindness caused. It's usually that one. I have definitely been known to text my oldest an hour after he's left to apologize for getting

huffy with him. You know, I'll text like, sorry I lost my cool at you this morning, but I got caught up in being on time and I took it out on you. And then he hearts the message and he sends me a thumbs up. Maybe it's an okay. And we move on, you know? The post exit is important for both kindness and deficiency. Notice where you were unkind and repair, either with yourself or someone else.

And if there was something that was just super clunky that could be. smoother? Think about it now while you're still kind of in the exit mode but no longer urgent about it. Problem solve, even for one tiny thing, especially for one tiny thing. The small changes are where the magic happens anyway. So to recap how to kindly and efficiently get where you need to go, start with managing your expectations. Have reasonable expectations for your process of exiting. and remember that your expectations might need to change day to day depending on your own energy. More than managing your time, manage your expectations of your time. It'll help set you up for a more reasonable grounded exit than if you ignore your expectations altogether.

Then, access kindness by remembering that staying grounded is better than staying on task. Being grounded helps you stay on task. Be kind and be yourself, not succumbed. coming to the robot energy that mornings and exits often bring. And then to be efficient, think about your pre-exit when you're not urgent, the exit when you are urgent, and the post-exit when you see how your urgency made things better, or there's something to adjust. Be efficient only after managing your expectations and accessing kindness towards yourself and others. And don't forget to decide once. And that is how to kindly and efficiently get where you need to go.

before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week, it is Brittany Dick Meyer, who has a great tip for getting little kids out the door. We all know going out the door with kids is hard. When mine were little, I found that even if I was totally organized with my stuff, I always managed to have a straggler kid or someone who wandered back upstairs right as we were trying to leave. The solution was, I traced their hands on their favorite color paper and had them decorate them and take them on the back door. When we were leaving, I would yell hands on hands. and they'd all go stand with her hands on the back door until it was time to all head out together. No more wandering children.

This is seriously adorable, Brittany. Wrangling tiny humans is a particularly challenging job, and this makes it sweet and fun. Thank you so much for sharing, and congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, like super legit this time because she was active in those Instagram comments, and Angela Kinsey. The Lazy Genius podcast is enthusiastically part of the. Office Ladies Network. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production. Thanks y'all for listening and until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't.

I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.