The Lazy Genius Podcast - #359 - 7 Routines That Work for Me

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

While this episode is definitely seven routines that work for me, the reason I’m sharing them is not so that you will do them because they’ll work. It’s more to see how I arrived at certain routines, what priorities they support, and maybe they’ll inspire a small change or adjustment in your own routine that could make your life work better for you and the season you’re in. Helpful Companion Links Pre-order my new book The PLAN or ask your library to consider carrying a copy once it releases in October. Episode #337: How to Lazy Genius Division of Labor Episode #356: What’s Saving My Life Episode #91: The Lazy Genius Organizes Paper Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey there. You are listening to the lazy genius podcast. I am Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 359, seven routines that work. for me. I usually don't make a habit of sharing specific things that I do because never, ever in a million years would I want to indicate that what I do is best, that it is prescriptive, or that it will work for everyone. That is simply not true. It is not true for me. It's not true

for other time management experts out there. Just because something works for someone else, especially if that someone has a platform in this area, it does not mean it will work for you. And at the same time, it is often really helpful to hear what other people do. because it might actually work for you, since there might be so many similarities in priorities and season of life, or maybe the way someone else does something will give you an idea of how you can adjust that thing to work in your own life. So while this episode is definitely seven routines that work for me, the reason I'm sharing them is not so that you will do them. It's more to see how I arrived at certain routines, what priorities they support, and maybe

they'll inspire a small change or adjustment in your own routine that can make your life work better for you and the season that you're in. Now before getting into the specific seven routines, let's lay a touch of groundwork. Set the right routine is one of the 13 lazy genius principles laid out in my first book, The Lazy Genius Way. And the idea here is not necessarily to create an order of tasks that you repeat forever. To me, that's not really the purpose of a routine. The purpose is to create an on-ramp to a place that matters to you. So a morning routine isn't about doing seven things in the same order every single morning. Instead, it's about what those seven things or two things or whatever, what they create in you,

in your environment that lead you to a place that matters. So a morning routine is to ease into your day. You don't need to do 10 things to do that. In fact, on busy mornings or a morning where a partner or a kid or a dog or a neighbor does something out of the ordinary or maybe even chaotic that impacts your own morning, you don't have to be so consumed with not being able to do your entire morning routine and failing at this thing. Instead, you can know that the purpose of your morning routine is to ease into your day. And you can choose maybe one small thing from the 10 that will support that.

despite the unexpected chaos. That's why I love lazy genius routines. They're less about the things you do and more about where you're wanting to go, what you're wanting to experience, how you're wanting to feel. So that's some background and routines, at least as far as I feel about them. The other important aspect to lazy genius your routine is that your routines should support what matters to you. If you see that someone else has a morning kitchen routine so that they leave the house,

or start the day with a kitchen that is clean. But a clean kitchen at the start of the day doesn't really matter to you. You do not need a morning kitchen routine. If you see that someone else has a daily routine of getting the mail and then like pulling weeds that she sees on her way inside so that yard work doesn't get out of control, but maybe having a well-tinted yard, it doesn't matter to you that much. You don't need a wheat pulling routine. If someone else has a budget and bill paying routine that happens on a specific day with

cash envelopes and color-coded budget categories, but you have automatic bill pay, and you don't budget by category because it's not suited for how you live and therefore does not matter to you. You don't need a detailed budget and bill-paying routine. You see what I mean here? Routines are meant to support what matters to us. So not only do you want routines to support what does, you also can ignore routines that support what doesn't. So as I share the seven routines that work for me, I'm also going to share why they work, what they support that matters to me. If the same thing does not matter to you, you should not have that routine. We have enough to fit into our days. So remember that not only are my routines not prescriptive, routines themselves.

They need to be rooted in where they lead and how they support what matters, not just the 10 tasks you think that you should do in a row. Now, there are many things that matter to me in my life, right? The same is true for you. Some things are wildly specific, some are only for a season, and some are lifelong. Sharing specific things that matter, it doesn't really serve this conversation as much as the broad things do. So to better inform these seven routines that you're about to hear. These are the four things that have mattered the most to me for most of my adult life and will matter even more the older I get. These four things are kind of my compass, so to speak, and what matters. And they are calm, connection, kindness, and joy. Calm, connection, kindness,

and joy. I am a caffeinated squirrel in my head, and I have some sensory issues too. My stress is always on the brink of being activated, always. So a sense of calm in my head and in my environment, it really matters a lot to me. Connection. Connection matters to me so much. I am an ambivert, and that I get energy both from people and from being alone. But it's more than just that. When I connect with people, it helps me make sense of my own self. If you're an enneagram person, that's often true of people who are in the dependent or responsive stance, which are ones, two's and sixes. It's almost like, it's almost like I cannot quite understand myself outside of relationship. And it's also deeply satisfying to be connected with my people. Kindness is the third thing on

the list that matters to me. I am so obsessed with being kind in all things, kind of myself, to my people, to strangers. I want to offer kindness to the world at large to make kind decisions as often as I'm able. Kindness is also fairly selfless, if you think about it. And since I am a person who can get wrapped up in my own business, my own judgment of situations in myself, kindness is a really healthy way to take me out of my own selfishness, which is why it's a high priority. And fourth, joy.

Joy matters a lot to me, not happiness or fun, both of which are great, but bone-deep, contented joy. I love experiencing wonder. I love being in a moment and identifying how important that moment is, how alive it's making me feel, how myself it's making me feel, how small it's making me feel. I want to prioritize the experience of joy and awareness no matter what my circumstances are. So the four lifelong things that matter to me are calm, connection, kindness, and joy. And funny enough, all seven of my routines, which I will now finally share with you, support at least one of those four things, if not several.

Okay. So let's get into the seven routines that work for me. Aw isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life.

You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. All right. The first routine that works for me is my weekly meal planning routine. Every weekend, usually on Sunday, I meal plan for the upcoming week. Depending on the season we're in, how busy it is, I might plan for a month. But the most common approach is weekly. We have a dry erase calendar on the kitchen wall, and that's where our meal plan goes. I have a dinner queue list written on the side of that whiteboard. And that's just a list of all the meals that we love or want to try in this current season.

If you have been around here for a while, you know that my family eats pretty much the same 20 to 30 meals on repeat. And we have for over a decade. I am okay with that. So on Sunday, I will first go to my three kids and ask each of them, what's one thing they want for dinner that week? And then I'll put each of those meals on the day that makes sense based. on, you know, what activities we have going on, what the weather is, stuff like that. And then I'll fill in the rest of the days. Often, according to a loose meal matrix, where the same type of meal happens on the same day, and then we're good. Now, the continuation of this routine that has made a huge difference

and is not as old as the meal planning routine itself. It's something that I adjusted and added later, is that in that moment, after writing the meals down on the whiteboard, I also place a grocery delivery reorder. When I had younger kids, I went to the store because what else are you going to do? When COVID hit, we started doing grocery pickup. And now that I work a full-time job and part-time hours, and I have less flexibility with my time, especially with my older kids, having a lot of activities that I need to be the transportation for, going to the store every week is not how I want to manage my time. What matters to me? Do you remember? Calm. Calm matters to me. Do you know what is calm? You know what is and frankly actually brings me a lot of joy to opening my front door and having my groceries

right there. Now, I realize this is not doable for everyone or even feasible, depending on where you live or your season of life, but it is something that supports our family's priorities very well, which is why we do it. So the first routine that works for me is meal planning once a week, which includes asking my kids what they want, which gives me three meals out of the gate, you guys, writing those meals down on the calendar where everyone can see them, and then ordering groceries for those meals at the same time that I plan. And that routine definitely supports calm. The second routine that works for me is my morning weekday routine. I've talked about this several times and several places. But our morning routine, it has been finding its footing for

years. And we have a really great rhythm right now. I live in a two-parent household with three kids and getting the kids out the door in the morning, including breakfast, making lunches, and prompting them all, that is my responsibility. Cause and I have a very satisfactory division of labor. You can listen to my division of labor episode if you want, episode 337, and mornings are mine to take care of. I get up either a few minutes earlier than my youngest kid or I just, I just wait for her to get me up at 630 because she always will. We go to the kitchen. I have. I have. I just wait for her. I help her get her breakfast if she needs help while she eats. I unload the dishwasher that ran overnight as it always does. And the lunch boxes are in that dishwasher. I put everything away,

except those repeated items that we use every single day, particularly for breakfast and lunch. And I just leave those out because we're going to be using them in the next 30 minutes anyway, which really helps. It helps the time because I don't have to put everything away. Then I make lunches for the kids. Now, if I have, you know, an early meeting or I just need to not make all three lunches for some reason, I won't. I'll usually just tell the kids the night before, if that's the case, or that morning, I'm like, hey, I need you to finish packing your lunch. We have used Planet Box lunch boxes for literally 12 years. They are bento style lunch boxes. And that means the kids can see what finish packing your lunch means because there are empty compartments that need filling. So that's lunch.

I will wake Sam up 20 minutes or so before he needs to actually be out of bed. I'm happy to be his human snooze button. It's fine. My middle kid Ben wakes up on his own, so I don't really worry about that. All three kids often leave at different times, particularly Sam, since he has three mornings a week with activities before school, but they all start at different times with different carpools, carpools that I sometimes have to drive for. So on mornings where I have to drive three 14-year-old boys to chess club at 6.45 in the morning, my morning routine is a little different. And Annie usually carries the brunt of packing everyone's lunch because she's up the soonest.

And then somewhere in there, I brew a cup of coffee with my espresso machine. And my vitamins are in the same container that my coffee pods are. So I'm visually reminded to take my vitamins. Once all the kids are out the door, I might shift to getting myself ready for the day. I might drink more coffee and read. I might head straight to my office to work. What happens before or after that weekday morning routine, it often changes. But the time from like 630 to 8 usually does not.

I do the same general things with the same general attitude all five of those mornings. Why is that? Because calm, connection, and kindness all matter to me. Having time to get everything done without feeling rushed, it supports calm. Being in the kitchen instead of in the bathroom, getting ready, it supports connection because I'm with my kids and it supports calm because I'm there to like handle things and then getting up at the same time as everyone else and not an hour before where I'm a little cranky because I'm still tired. That helps me be kind to my kids as I get them up. I am not kinder

if I am alone first. Not anymore. Not that they're now old enough to be out of the house every day. That was not true when I was with them all day. But now I'm like, I don't need morning time. Y'all are going to leave in an hour. So my morning routine, it works for me because we've been honing it for years, number one, everyone knows what to expect, but it also supports calm, connection, and kindness. The third routine that works for me is our Saturday morning routine. You might have heard me talk about this one before, but my kids dubbed it Calvin Saturday. So a few years ago, one of my boys who was very into reading Calvin and Hobbs at the time, he asked me if he could watch TV and eat cereal on Saturday morning like Calvin does. Yeah, dude, sure. So the kids, they have Calvin Saturday. They get up

whenever they get up. They get their own breakfast. And they know that they can watch their devices until we ring the bell for them to stop. They don't have to ask. We have an actual bell, by the way. And then guess what I get to do? I get to stay in bed. I read. I go for a walk. I do whatever I want to do without having to get up and be responsible for anyone. Same as true for cause. It is an absolute delight. That routine absolutely works for us and it supports calm and joy. There's so much joy lying in bed for longer. The fourth routine that works for me is how I keep track of my memories. I shared this in a recent episode, the last, what's saving my life. So this one is familiar if you listen to that. But every night, right when I get in bed, I write in

one line a day journal and in my connections joy journal. I do not journal beyond that. I don't scrapbook. I don't do much with photos or videos other than doing the one second a day videos when I have videos to add. But having those two simple tasks happen in just a minute or two is all I need. Too much is too much. It is for me. And so this routine is just right. It supports connection and that I remember what was connective that day. It supports calm because I'm not frantically trying to remember something from days and days ago or make my memories or remember my memories in a way that's too big. It supports joy because I literally write down what brought me joy.

And it's kind because it's doable. Most memory keeping is not doable for me. And I can get unkind toward myself about it. So this tiny daily routine, it actually supports all four things. The fifth routine that works for me is my weekday lunch break. This is one that took some time to accept. It was basically required by my therapist. So I work from home, obviously, and I would often have a scarcity mindset about my work

hours. I'm the stay-at-home parent in many regards, even though I'm often working. But my job allows me to respond to my kids if they need something. My husband does not. That's why I often do not plan anything between 2 o'clock and 6 o'clock on weekends. days because who knows how I will be needed, what homework kids will have, who needs a ride from a meeting they didn't know about until today. I cannot get my work done once my kids are home without question. I cannot do it. And so what I was doing before my lunch break is I was hoarding

my work time so much because of that desperation, because I knew I wasn't really going to be able to work once they all got home from school. That hoarding made it so I was often really like more stress than I needed to be. And I wasn't as productive when I was working because I hadn't rested. So my therapist was like, Kendra, you need to take a lunch break. She kind of forced me to do it. And she was very smart. So I have shared some of those details over the years. But now I can say without question, now that my lunch routine on weekdays is cannot miss. Like, it works wonders for me. Absolute wonders. It usually starts around 1230. And then it runs until I start getting kids from school after two. I get lunch and I make it a good one. It's either leftovers, which I really love. It's

something I prepped for my own lunch, or I will make something quick and tasty, like the chickpea bowl, or I'll make that barbecue chicken, pickled red cabbage wrap thing that I've mentioned before. I have learned that my lunch needs to be delicious, hearty, a little crunchy, and colorful. And I take the few extra minutes to make that happen, whether on the day or the weekend before or something. So I eat lunch. I usually watch an episode of a show or I read while I eat. I will take a 17 minute nap. I do a quick reset of the house or I prep something for dinner so that I'm more available

from two to six for the kids. And I do this every single weekday. It is the best thing of all the things. I would be such a sad person without it. Now, does everyone get this? Clearly not. My husband is a middle school counselor. And many days, he comes home with his lunch still packed, completely uneaten.

Certain jobs. do not afford actual lunch breaks, much less lunch breaks in your own home where you can take a nap and watch a show. I recognize deeply how privilege that is and I'm also deeply grateful for it. It's one of the greatest ways that I refuel every day, which makes it less important for me to do other things to refuel later. I actually have energy and connection for the entire afternoon because of that lunch break. So it supports calm, because I'm not rushing through my work time to get literally everything done. It supports connection because I will absolutely be more connected to my kids later because

of this time now. It supports kindness because it's kind to myself to take care of myself and eat and rest. And it supports joy because it truly does bring me tremendous joy to eat a good meal and a bowl while watching a show. What a gift. The sixth routine that works for me is that afternoon weekday routine. It is not the same things in the same order. but from two to six, I'm pretty much just there to support my kids and love on them after school.

That comes in the form of homework, snacks, inviting other friends over after school, driving carpool, making dinner, playing a game, all the things. I see our afternoon weekday routine less like a to-do list and more like an art basket. Remember in the episode The Lazy Genius Organizes paper how I shared about that huge basket where we put all the kids in process or completed artwork. We still have that basket, by the way. It still works so well. It's one giant holding place for everything.

The art does not have to be ordered or organized. This is just the basket it goes in. Our afternoon weekday routine is kind of the same. All of our afternoon things, they just go into the two to six basket. If a kid is emotionally dry after a hard day, I'm not going to make them do homework first thing if they need to rest a bit. It'll happen before dinner, but it does not have to happen right now. We have flexibility, but also containment, because everything happens within a certain time. And I'm available for all of it. It's pretty great. And it supports calm,

connection, kindness, and joy. All four, man. I love it. And then the final routine that works for me is my monthly routine of Emily and Kendra work days. Emily P. Freeman is an author and a podcaster and my best friend. We have been friends for over 15 years, I think close to 17 now. And we've had to adjust how we see each other as friends often have to. Seasons of life, schedules, all kinds of things, impact where and how often you see someone. And even though Emily and I literally live four blocks apart, we went through a long season where we just did not see each other regularly. So now we have Emily and Kendra work days. One Thursday a month, we get together in the morning. We work together at a coffee shop and we, you know, we talk shopping, we get ideas from each other and just catch up on work

things while also trying to do actual work. And then we go to lunch after and we talk about non-work things. It's blocked off on the calendar with no end and it has been the best thing. We always know when our next time is. And even though we might see each other between those monthly work days and often do, knowing that we're just a few weeks away from like hours of connection makes all the difference. So that routine supports connection and joy. And those are seven routines that work for me. I hope this episode has inspired you to notice your own routines, to name what they support, and to consider if there's something that you're already doing, that you can adjust just a little bit to serve your life even better. All right, before we go,

let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week, it is Jennifer Peterman. Jennifer's quick tip is this. Hey, Kendra, I am a teacher and a children's book enthusiast. My new decide once is that for my kids, friends, birthdays, I always gift a book. I also always wrap it in brown craft paper and let my own children, ages five and six, decorate it. I love how simple this is, Jennifer. A lot of folks have great to side one's ideas for gifts. For the last year or so with us, it's been the game Genius Square because we love it so much.

But I love this because of the added bonus of wrapping it in brown craft paper and having the kids decorate it. That is a fantastic idea, especially if you have little kids, that makes it feel more personal. So thank you for sharing Jennifer. And congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. A quick note, you guys, that this Wednesday is the first Wednesday of the month, which usually means the latest lazy letter lands in your inbox. However, because we're just coming off of spring break at our house and the Easter weekend holiday

for my team, we are pushing that newsletter to next Wednesday, April 10th. If you are not signed up yet to get the latest lazy letter, let me give you a little taste as to why you might want to. It is a monthly newsletter, so you get it just once a month. And in it, I share usually three or four essays, so to speak, if you're not. different things going on in my life. I have told a story about how my husband ended up carrying a goat out of a field, a completely unplanned event. I told the story about when I got my first and only tattoo. I share parenting challenges and wins. I talk about how obsessed I am with the press tour

for Dune 2 because of how hot and stylish that cast is. And literally anything else that is relevant, interesting, or encouraging. This month I'm going to share about a girls weekend that I took, my trip to New York with Jamie D. Golden, and kind of the joy. The joy. of spontaneous planning. So I'm really excited about that. I also share reviews of the books that I read that past month and I read a lot. I read about 10 books a month if not more. I know a lot of you make your TBR list for my reviews because you've told me so. So I'm here for that. If you'd like to get the latest lazy letter, head to the lazy genius collective.com slash join and sign up. Again, the next issue will go out on Wednesday, April 10th. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, and executive

produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kenzie. The Lazy Genius podcast is enthusiastically part of the Office Ladies Network. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production. Thanks y'all for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life? Because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves.

Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.