The Lazy Genius Podcast - #36: The Lazy Genius Conquers Holiday Overwhelm

Episode Date: October 23, 2017

In this episode of The Lazy Genius Podcast, you'll learn the one life-giving decision that makes the holidays come alive again, no stress needed. Instagram: @thelazygenius This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Amazon presents Laura versus Fruitflies. Swarming your fruit and terrorizing your kitchen. These little freaks multiply at a rate that would make a rabbit say, yo. Chill. But Laura shopped on Amazon and saved on cleaning spray, countertop wipes, and fly traps. Hey, fruit flies, your baby boom ends here. Save the Everyday with Amazon. friends. You're listening to The Lazy Genius podcast. I'm Kendra and I'm here to help you be a genius

about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today's episode. Y'all, I'm so excited about this topic. The Lazy Genius conquers holiday overwhelm. Last week, we got into the logistics of creating a holiday game plan and setting up a calendar that prioritize what matters to us in the next few weeks. It's super practical. Choose what you want to do. Make sure you do it before other stuff takes over. But now there's the mental side, right? It's so easy to feel overwhelmed. Halloween is next week and I feel like we'll blink and it'll be Christmas and we'll say, did we actually celebrate Thanksgiving? I kind of don't remember. Y'all, I don't want to feel that way that despite being well planned, I'm not fully present, you know? I don't want you to feel that way

which is why today's pitch is. We don't have to feel that way. The holidays don't have to be crammed together. We can enjoy them, be present in them, and not feel like we're being dragged along the whole time. The playbook is very simple. I'm going to tell you how. There is one concept that is so delightful and fun

and beautifully serves the purpose of staying rooted where you are before the next holiday comes to get you. And that concept is opening and closing ceremonies. Yes, like that. the Olympics. For a second, let's imagine what the Olympics would be like without opening ceremonies. First, there's no intentional beginning. Without opening ceremonies, the first act in an Olympic games might be a random archery competition that only like a couple dozen people watch. I'm not putting down archery, but starting with something so small and maybe not as attractive to everyone

involved in the Olympics, it kind of dilutes it a little bit. It's like, wait, what are we doing? Without the opening ceremonies, we lose our sense of purpose. Second, we don't know all the players. We don't see all the countries and cheer for the overarching beautiful purpose of the games, which is to bring people together and celebrate dedication and teamwork and hard work and unity as individual countries, but also as one single community. Without the opening ceremonies, we lose our sense of people. And third, we miss out on an opportunity to learn more about the host country, right, to celebrate that specific culture and its people. Without the opening ceremonies, we lose our sense of place.

You see where I'm going with this? Let's look at the closing ceremonies real quick before we flesh out this metaphor all the way, right? What would the Olympics be without closing ceremonies? Well, you'd just be done. Athletes finish their particular sport, maybe even in the first few days of the game. And then I guess they just packed their suitcases and go home. There's no final celebration. There's no recognition of what just happened.

There's not an opportunity to thank the host country, to thank all the people who participated and who cheered in the stands. There's no formal goodbye to new friendships, to partnerships that have been forged through so much hard work leading up to the games. And there's no goodbye to the games themselves. Without the closing ceremonies, it's just over. So let's play this metaphor out. Okay.

What are the benefits of having holiday opening and closing ceremonies? I think there are three. First, you intentionally and lovingly say hello and goodbye to each holiday as it comes and goes. So I'm suggesting having ceremonies for Halloween, for Thanksgiving, for Christmas, new year, whatever it is that you celebrate. So let's say you're in Halloween time. It's easier to stay focused on the fun of costumes and trick-or-treating and hanging little paper bats from your windows if your kids or you are into that kind of thing. Of course, you might still get some Christmas presents like when you're out shopping in October,

but your focus is where you are right now. You're tethered by choice, and that really helps. Then when you say goodbye to Halloween, you say hello intentionally. to Thanksgiving, to the month of November being full of leaves and pumpkin and everything being orange and whatever Thanksgiving means to you. You're tethered. You're not in some giant holiday ballroom like floating from corner to corner trying to remember what holiday you're currently celebrating. Opening and closing ceremonies give you a chance to cozy up with each holiday, to give it the attention you truly want to and to not get dragged along by the next thing

coming. Doesn't that sound awesome? I want to do that. So the first benefit is being able to say hello and goodbye to stay present in between them. Second, opening and closing ceremonies are a chance to celebrate the purpose of each holiday. You already know what matters to you, especially if you listened last week and maybe got that cheat sheet from last week. So use this concept to bring those things to the forefront to celebrate them to mark the time and the purpose of something you love. I think one of the biggest obstacles to people living lives that matter to feel purposeful is not being intentional. When we aren't present, when we aren't intentional about noticing where we are and why we are,

when we move from task to task from appointment to appointment without digging deeper into the rootedness of who we are and why we live the way we do, life just passes by. I think that's why our holidays often feel so fast and so heavy. They're loaded with pressure, but somehow we still feel kind of disappointed at the end. Like we didn't really celebrate or appreciate or experience things the way we hope to. I think it truly all comes down to identifying the deeper purpose, identifying what matters, and then being intentional about celebrating it. Doing these ceremonies is like putting on glasses.

is. We can see without them, but everything's kind of fuzzy and vague. Intentionality helps us finally see clearly to see what matters. I love how something so simple can make such a huge difference. So the opening and closing ceremonies help us celebrate the purpose of the holidays with purpose. And third, the opening and closing ceremonies, they help us connect with our people and with the current phase of our lives. In a second, we'll talk about what these ceremonies might look like practically. But right now, let's look at this from a broader, higher level. When I think about the things that our family has done officially and unofficially in a ceremonial capacity,

I kind of get teary about it. Those experiences, the simple welcoming of a new season, of a new holiday, of creating those tent pole memories that keep me feeling grounded and grateful. It's so beautiful to have those. It's such a gift to think about the connections that my family and my friends can create with each other by this simple practice. It also gives us a chance to differentiate each year, each holiday based on the stage of life that we're in.

If you're a newlywed, if you have teenage kids, if you're single, if you're an empty nester who's grown kids will be filling the home again soon. If you have tiny children and you just want to take a nap, like all of those stages of life, they lovingly require different ways of welcoming the holidays. You can't always do the same things based on who you're with and what your life looks like. So rather than seeing that as a bummer or as a limitation,

we can experience the different manifestations of the opening and closing ceremonies as ways to kind of plot time to see how things change, to see how our circles grow or get smaller. They don't have to look the same each year. In fact, I think it's kind of awesome if they don't, because then we get to connect with our people and with the current phase of our lives in a specific, loving, celebratory way

that looks a little bit different each year maybe. Now, so that's why I think we should do them. That's why I think opening and closing ceremonies are a good idea. do you all remember the opening ceremonies in the Beijing Olympics the most magical opening ceremonies ever that was part of the experience a huge part right it gave us a context for that particular games and even now it gives us something to hold on to in our memory I don't remember a whole lot that happened in that Olympics but I remember those opening ceremonies sometimes I feel like my memories just kind of float around

around of my head, like in the first Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer Stone, when they enter that huge room of flying keys, I feel like my memories are kind of like those keys. They're contained. They're everywhere. And it takes a lot to chase one down and be like, oh yeah, you. I remember you. I think that's even more true of memories during the holidays. So often we move through traditions. We do the same things with the same people year after year, which is beautiful and such a gift, but sometimes makes it hard to distinguish one year or memory from another. Opening and closing ceremonies are the anchor, the tent pole, the carved name in a tree that gives us context and grounding and a chance to remember what matters. Okay, so hopefully you're on board. Hopefully you're stoked to do your own ceremonies this year.

So let's close up shot by talking about how. What could they look like? You might already. have some of your own ideas and don't really even need to keep listening. But let's put some practical context on this just in case you need it. Aw isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dacher Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of awe. A special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. The first two caveats I want to share. First, you need to know, you need to do what you know

works for you. I like the idea of having opening and closing ceremonies for each holiday, but you might find that a broader range works for you. You might not even really celebrate all the holidays or you celebrate others I haven't mentioned. I said in the last episode that my holiday talk is pretty much restricted to the traditional Christian Christmas, but I think some form of this idea can work no matter what you celebrate and what you want your holiday season to look like. Second caveat, this doesn't have to be Beijing grand. Honestly, you guys, this can still serve a tremendous purpose if your opening ceremony is simply in your own head. If you intentionally mark the beginning and end of specific holidays so you're not mentally dragged along, I still think that's so valuable. So don't feel like this needs to be another thing to add to the holiday checklist of how we need to celebrate the holiday season. If this is stressful to do something tangible, don't do it, man. Mark the time in your brain.

Create a mental tent pole. Draw square around the first and last days of various holiday arcs in your calendar to remind yourself of endings and beginnings. Do what makes you feel less overwhelmed. Now, let's talk a few examples. Okay, so my kids, they do like Halloween a lot, but they're not bonkers for it. My niece is bonkers for it. My kids, not so much. Some folks, Halloween is their favorite holiday.

So if that's you, you get to make this look as grand as you want. For us, though, our Halloween opening ceremony is more of a welcome to fall, not necessarily Halloween exclusively. This is a newer concept for me, too. but when I have practiced it, when I have intentionally welcomed in a new holiday or a new season, it's when my favorite memories get made. We kind of stumbled into an October slash fall opening ceremony. It ends up being one of the earlier Saturdays in October, where we go to a local farm,

we do a hay ride, we get lost in a corn maze, we have literally found our way out without cheating or without a map zero times. We've never made it out. and then we buy pumpkins and take them home and carve them. This is our fourth year doing that. And this is the first year. It was fun. Or like completely fun from start to finish.

We started when our boys were almost two and almost four. We pretty much carried them through the maze and they complained a lot. Last year when the boys were almost five and seven and their little sister was but a wee babe. They were super into everything for like the first 10 minutes. and then they just abandoned ship. Last year when we carved pumpkins, quote unquote, we carved pumpkins, my oldest Sam, he was so particular

about the design he chose. And of course, it was one of the most, like, intricate jack-o-lantern designs I'd ever seen. He barely made it through the part where we had to clean up the guts of the pumpkin, and then he was out. He was done, and he left me to do it.

I remember having to time the pumpkin carving with nursing my daughter, you know, baby math. But we still did it, because I think we knew it would eventually become something we loved doing. And this year it was. This year it was. The boys actually did a lot of the carving. Annie just wandered around the driveway with a little pumpkin gut scooper,

just kind of singing to herself. We did need a map to get out of the corn maze, but we had so much fun. They didn't complain. They knew what to expect and they looked forward to it because we've done it before. And after the kids were in bed that night, and my husband and I, we finally sat down on the couch with that.

you know, that end of day sigh where you kind of collapse into the couch. And he said, today was a good day. And it really was. I'll remember for a long time. We did the same thing we usually do, but it still is our way of welcoming fall of doing a tradition that we continue to love. And we love more as each year goes by. It's so simple, but it really matters. It makes a difference. It makes me feel less harried and overwhelmed already. You can, could usher in the fall lots of ways. You can welcome Halloween the week before, maybe decorate like candy collecting buckets or make your costume or hang spider webs on the bushes outside. It doesn't matter. Welcome its beginning the way that you love. It can be the same each year or different.

For closing ceremonies, it could be maybe the morning after Halloween where you eat candy for breakfast as a way to say goodbye or you make pancakes and put candy pieces in them. or something. You take a photo, you watch a movie, you lovingly say goodbye to Halloween. And then a few days later, or maybe the week before Thanksgiving, whatever you're wanting to do, you have another opening ceremony. You serve a meal at a homeless shelter. You go on a hike with a thermos of hot chocolate and pumpkin bread. You create a handprint turkey with your little kids. You watch all the Thanksgiving episodes of New Girl and search Pinterest for Thanksgiving recipes. Again, it doesn't matter. Do something that makes you excited. Close out Thanksgiving with a prayer, with a song,

with another movie, with leftover turkey chowder the day after Thanksgiving. Be grateful and say goodbye. Then open Christmas. This one's a little easier because I think we all have a form of opening ceremonies already for Christmas. You get the tree. You shot for gifts on Black Friday. You immediately start playing Christmas music, what you do isn't so important, how you think about it is. Be intentional and saying hello and goodbye and recognizing what matters in each holiday, who matters in your life, what you can appreciate about this current stage of life. I really, really believe that creating and experiencing opening and closing ceremonies can transform our holidays.

I really do. it's not to make things more complicated. I don't like to do that at all. It's to strip away what doesn't matter and remind ourselves of what does. And when we're intentional, when we're present, when we're not a human pinball machine bouncing from one thing to the next,

we can truly appreciate and celebrate and enjoy a lot of people's favorite time in the year. And one final thought. The pinball holiday life it makes it harder for us to notice not only our own situations, but others as well. I know that I am less likely to be kind to the obviously overwhelmed target cashier when I'm in a hurry. I'm less likely to think about people in my church, my neighborhood, my community, who might not enjoy this time of year because they don't have family around,

or it's painful because of past hurt or any number of reasons. being present isn't just for us, it's for others too. The people we live with, all the way to the people we pass on the street and we'll never see again. Everyone matters. And giving the gift of being present even to strangers is beautiful and important, especially now. Kindness matters. Looking people in the eye matters. Marking beginnings and endings and beginnings again is a way to enjoy the season and

also be a friend to people who need it. I want so badly to hear your opening and closing ceremonies. I want to know what they are. So if you want to do them, if you plan on doing it, if you want to leave a comment way later, go to the show notes of this episode, the lazy genius collective.com slash lazy slash ceremony and leave a comment there. And I'll have some goodies for you, too, about kind of getting your wheels spinning on what your ceremonies might be. So be sure. Be sure to come say hello and tell me what you're planning on doing. I want to know. So before we go, the lazy genius tip of the week this week is really a reminder about Halloween costumes, because remember next week's Halloween, don't forget, especially if you have kids to dress up, don't forget about

consignment stores and thrift stores. Sometimes you can buy a full costume for literally like a quarter of the price, you pay a target. Or if your kid has an idea that isn't super hard, like the costume they want to put together, it's not that hard. Go go, go to do. will man okay now here's the irony i actually wrote a post a couple of years ago about not making hallowly halloween costumes about being like no no no you can buy them it's totally fine i still stand by that but like sometimes we need to sometimes we do need to get the power ranger costume at the same time we get bananas like it just makes us less stressed just go ahead and get it that way and that's totally great i'm just reminding you as i remind myself that there are great used options for way

cheaper because I think sometimes we just kind of get in the habit of buying things new. So just heads up on thrifting your Halloween costume this year. If you can, and only if it doesn't overwhelm. Let's stick to not having that madness around, please. That would be so great. Okay, that's it for today. Thank you so much for listening. This was such a fun episode to do, and I really hope you're excited and encouraged to do your

own opening and closing ceremony this year and that you experience a real difference in your family and your family. your soul that helps conquer the overwhelm. Let's be present. Amen. I am so excited for this extended holiday series and I'll see you next week with more lazy genius holiday help and until then be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about things that don't. I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called

Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.