The Lazy Genius Podcast - #360 - A Pep Talk for the Perpetually Tired

Episode Date: April 8, 2024

Is this maybe the most appropriately named pep talk of all time? Quite possibly. I have a feeling a lot of you always feel tired. In fact, like me, you feel tired so often that it’s annoying at this point. You’re tired of being tired. Will we ever not be tired?!  I think we all need some solidarity in this space as well as some practical help. My goal is for you to get both. Helpful Companion Links Pre-order my new book The PLAN or ask your library to consider carrying a copy once it releases in October. Sign up for the Latest Lazy Letter, my monthly newsletter, which goes out on Wednesday! Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Volkswagen Atlas is a 7-seat powerhouse that actually makes sense for real life. It's got cargo space for all your gear, the dogs, and even half of your rec league soccer team. And under the hood, a 2-liter turbocharged TSI engine that hauls up to 5,000 pounds. The 7-seat Atlas, you deserve more space. Visit vw.ca to learn more. SubbW, German engineered for all. Hi there, you are listening to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 360, a pep talk for the perpetually tired. This is maybe the most appropriately named pep talk of all time, maybe, quite possibly. I have a feeling a lot of you, and I mean a lot, a lot of you always feel tired. In fact, like me, you feel tired so often. that it's annoying at this point, you're tired of being tired. Will we ever not be tired? I think we all need

some solidarity in this space as well as some practical help. And my goal for today is that you get both. So let's start with some solidarity. Lest you think that you are the only person to feel this way, you are very wrong. It is so normal to feel so tired all the time. Your season of life might be involved, your health, your unusual circumstances, expectations from a boss, or a partner or yourself that you just can't seem to meet, the general frenetic nature of living as a person in 2024, there are many reasons, often multiple reasons at the same time, why you always feel tired. I hear a lot of folks say that if someone is tired, then they're doing too much. And to an extent, that's probably true. I could list out all the things that you're doing that

can make you tired, all the things that I'm doing that make me tired, and the list is long. I personally am very intent on living like a lazy genius and only doing the things that matter. And even still, there is still a lot to do. And I often feel quite tired. Why? Why do we feel this way? As I thought back to generations past those long ago, I wondered, like, has everyone always felt perpetually tired?

Was my great, great grandmother and all her friends? Like, always tired? I honestly do not know the answer to. of that. But in thinking about the differences in past generations compared to now, I do think there is something to pay attention to. Yes, we are doing a lot of things, and that makes us tired. But there is something else that did not exist before. We live in a digital era that has come on the heels of the Industrial Revolution and the technological revolution. The most basic of basics here is that the United States got super into productivity really fast because of factories. Like in order to make money and succeed,

your factory had to beat that guy's factory and you did that by going faster, you know, by making more faster, by being more efficient. Then that mechanization and efficiency that was present in factories, it started to seep into homes, ovens and microwaves and cars and washing machines and all kinds of gadgets and appliances that helped people get more done and get more done, more quickly, right? Well, then we entered into this age of technology in the digital era where computers started doing so much for us, computers and machines. And then consequently, we were promised more time. When machines took the place of humans in a quest for efficiency and productivity, the expectation was that humans themselves could do less. We would have more time. But what ended up happening

is that we did not disengage from that focus of productivity that came out of the Industrial Revolution before we entered into the technological revolution in the digital age. We kept that do it all and do it fast mindset, even as we gain tools to help us do less. So rather than technology giving us more time to do nothing like it promised, we have used it as a chance to do even more. So the expectation of productivity, it hasn't stopped growing. Now, why am I telling you this? Because we live in a culture where getting a lot done is expected.

It is the way everything around us is built. Slowness, contentment, rest, breaks, creativity, play, fun. Those are not things that hold any sort of priority in most workplaces, communities, or even individuals. Those things have not been taught to us as integral parts of being a healthy, well-rounded person. Instead, we have been taught to chase and do and succeed and achieve and produce and be great. Now, since most of you listening are women, you have a double whammy here. Not only do you have the cultural expectations of productivity that everyone else has, you also have the cultural expectations of carrying far more than your fair share in your home at work

in relationships and in how you even manage yourself. Women do so much of what is invisible and repetitive like laundry and meals and family calendaring. Women carry enormous relational pressure to show up for people, to have great friends, to be a great friend, to be married, to keep yourself and your family engaged in various parts of the community to prepare your kids if you have kids for being a person in this world. And so much of that is usually while you have a full-time job that you might not be fairly paid for compared to a man. It is a tough look. Again, why am I saying all this in an episode titled A Pep Talk for the Perpetually Tired? Because the reason you're tired has less to do with you than you think. The reason you're tired is because we live in a

in a culture that celebrates movement and hustle and production, all while expecting women to hold and manage the invisible strings that keep everyone else's movement and hustle and production going. And you're also supposed to look cute and be a good baker and know how to throw a spiral and keep a clean house and remember everyone's birthdays and throw the office party and take care of everyone else's needs but your own and on and on and on. I'm starting to sound a little bit like America Ferreira's speech in the Barbie movie. But she's right in that being a woman is really hard. It is beautiful and empowering and awesome, but it's really and truly so hard. I believe deep in my bones that the real reason you are tired is not about you. It's not simply because you did not

get enough sleep last night or because you have too much to do all the time or because you have a hormonal imbalance or any other number of things. Now, I'm not seeing those things. Now, I'm not seeing those things don't exist, they likely do and even all at the same time. But you are surrounded by a cultural expectation of intense, illogical, unfair female productivity in a male-dominated world that is obsessed with optimizing everything. And I think it's fair to say anyone would have trouble finding energy in that setup. It's hard to find rest in a world that doesn't give you any time to do it. and that even makes you feel guilty when you prioritize it. This is a cultural problem, not a you problem. Now, can you do some things to help yourself feel a little less tired? Yes, and we're going to

talk about them in this episode just a sec. But I refuse to give you ideas for what you specifically can do before I say with my out loud voice that you are not the problem. Your lack of self-discipline or organizational skills or having the right system or whatever you say your problem is is not to blame here. You live in a culture that has created this problem. And being aware of that on its own is pretty life-changing. Once you stop blaming yourself for not having it together, for always feeling tired, always feeling behind, once you realize the origin of that does not lie with you, it really helps. It's not just solidarity you need, it's reality. So now that the reality has been laid down, let's take a deep breath because it gets me fired up and notice what comes up as we think

about what expectations we hold and manage. I want you to be kind to yourself as we together take this next practical step of figuring out what we can do to feel less tired, despite the fact that we didn't choose for it to be this way. So here's our goal for this topic specifically today. We want to compassionately move toward feeling a little less tired as often as we are able. If you think of your body and even your calendar as a vessel, think of it as every day we want to take a little stress out and put a little rest in. Stress out, rest in. Doing that in tiny bits every day, developing that practice and awareness, it will help you feel less tired on a micro, level. Macro is a different conversation. But real talk, that's why I wrote my next book,

The Plan. I hope it shifts the conversation around time management in helpful ways. So if you have already checked it out, thank you. You'll get to read it on April, April. It's April now. October 8th, which is too far away. I think my brain wanted it to be April. It's too far away. But macro is coming. Macro is needed and macro is coming. Today, though, let's deal with where you are right now, today, and your own perpetual tiredness on a micro level and what you can do about it. And that is next. Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy.

Please sit and stretch. Steep. Flip. Or that. And enjoy. Via rail, love the way. Aw, isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life.

whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. I love giving you little phrases to hold on to, and you get another one today.

I already mentioned it, but today's phrase is, stress out, rest in. Stress out, rest in. every single day, or at least the days that you have the awareness and energy to do so, I wonder what would happen if you were to occasionally say, stress out, rest in, and then consider how to do that right then, that day, that moment in your own life. What is something super small you can do to take some stress out, just a little? I mean, you can breathe. Just breathe. Breathe deeply in through your nose and out of your mouth just a few times, and that alone gets some stress out.

That's how small I'm talking, breathing. It is the perfect place to start small. Speaking of starting small, literally anything that comes to mind in that moment of saying stress out, rest in it, anything that comes to mind that might get a little bit of stress out is worth doing. A breath, a slow walk to the mailbox, recognizing that the permission slip your kid urgently brought you is not due for another week and you don't have to treat it like it's due right now. Anything. Do anything. Noticing these moments where you can adjust and pivot a little to help

eliminate even the tiniest bit of stress is cumulatively so helpful and does amazing things for your life and your mental health. Just last night, I was grilling chicken and I used a new recipe. I got this recipe from a friend because I'd eaten it at her house before it was so good. But I think the marinade that I mixed up, it was just out of proportion to the amount of chicken I was using or something.

I discovered that the chicken was like fine. It wasn't great. When I took a tiny piece of the chicken and it just didn't taste how I hoped it would. It didn't taste the way I wanted it to. I also knew that my particular, my very particular picky children, they would likely revolt against said chicken.

because they revolt against anything new. It's a good time, but I knew that they would not eat this. So instead of getting stressed out that this dinner I had worked hard on was a fail, I went inside, I grabbed a bottle of sweet baby raised barbecue sauce, and I took it out to the grill and I started basting the chicken. Boom. Took a little stress out. Learning to notice when you're freaking out and then adjusting a small bit is one of the greatest

skills you can learn as a person. Don't think that everything is the worst in one fell sweet. because the chicken tastes bad because then what you do is you try and fix it all in one fell swoop. And if you're already tired and emotionally compromised, you tend to do that even more often. So instead of trying to see everything as catastrophized and fixing it all in one fell swoop, start small. Notice what you can do right now to take just a little stress out. stress to me is often caused by too much of something too many decisions inputs stimulation noise expectations piles that i can see invisible chores i haven't done yet children so if you feel like

there is too much of something in your life at this moment that is causing you stress name what that something is are you making too many decisions every day try decide once decide once about one thing one time and then keep doing it until it doesn't work for you anymore. Maybe you have too much to do in the morning and you feel scattered because you're just like a human pinball machine. Consider the principle, build the right routines and see if you can't simplify what needs to be done and move toward an experience or a feeling or a headspace that matters to you in the morning. Maybe you literally have too much to do.

Maybe you do. In that case, go in the right order. That's another lazy genius principle. The right order for pretty much everything is name what matters, calm the crazy, and then trust yourself with what comes next. You can take a little stress out in multiple ways, multiple times a day, but even just one, just one time makes a difference. So if you are perpetually tired, notice what specific parts of your day are making you feel

that way because there is probably too much of something. Name what you have too much of and then apply a lazy genius principle to that singular thing to make it a little less and see what happens. Okay, the second part of our phrase is rest in, stress out, rest in. We'll keep this small too. Because when we are perpetually tired, we think that big rest is going to be the solution. I just need to get away. I need a break.

I need a vacation. And while that could be true, and I will never say no to a vacation, vacations are not necessarily the answer. In fact, in the latest lazy letter, my monthly newsletter that goes on Wednesday, I'm going to share a couple of vacations that I took in the last couple months. Did I come back refreshed? I did to a point. Did I stop being tired? Absolutely not. When was the last time you came home from a trip or a time away on your own or even just an afternoon off where you were so full that you didn't feel tired for days and days after? That is just not a reality. Big rest. Does that. It doesn't not do anything except create space we normally don't have in regular life. The kind of rest you

need is daily small rest, just a little rest in. Stress out, rest in. So what can that look like for you each day? I'll list out some possibilities, but not all of these are universal, right? Depending on what matters to you, your season of life, and the limits that you have in your job or your living situation, they will impact how you rest each day, of course. So, this list is not prescriptive by any means. But small ways that you could maybe rest every day and put rest into your vessel, not just take stress out, are things like eating lunch in the sun or outside or with a book instead of with Instagram. Now, I love Instagram. I enjoy it. I feel like I need to give this disclaimer every time. I really love Instagram. But we all know when Instagram is not

restful to us, right? So notice when that is for you, okay? Maybe having it be your, companion when you're trying to rest is not the best idea. Maybe. Maybe not, but maybe. So put rest in by taking a break, sitting in quiet, sitting in the sun when you're eating a meal. Put rest in by not feeling guilty when you leave a chore for later to sit down and read. Put rest in by going to bed early tonight because your body needs it, but knowing that tomorrow you will stay up and enjoy your night owl vibes. Remember, it's not all or nothing. Put rest in by talking to someone you love who fills you up. Put rest in by moving slowly sometimes instead of walking as fast as you can everywhere you go. Put rest in by walking somewhere you can drive and enjoy the stillness and quiet of the walk.

Put rest in by driving somewhere you can walk so that you can sit in your quiet car alone. Put rest in by taking a 17-minute nap with the white noise app in your ear. Even if other humans are around, you can still maybe close your eyes for a few minutes. Put rest in by asking someone you live with to handle a chore that you normally do because you're cramping, because periods are stupid, and you need to sit in a ball and then don't feel guilty about that. Put rest in by honoring what you need, not just leaving yourself for the end. I am perpetually tired, for sure. Every day I feel tired. But let's finish this very robust pep talk with a reframe.

Your body is meant to rest. So of course you're going to feel tired every day. It is a natural rhythm that we should expect. Sleep is like normal. It's a thing. And you're not going to be sleepy if you're not sleepy, you know? We also might feel tired after something that brought us life, right? I threw a frisbee with my boys the other day in the yard when the sun was out and it felt like spring finally. And because I have glass knees and like zero stamina, I was very tired after just from throwing the frisbee for like 15 minutes. But it was a good tired.

It was a fulfilling, connective, tired. I think the tired that we're really talking about here is not really just being naturally tired or tired after something good. It's weariness. You're perpetually weary. I think. And I would just like to say to you that making small steps towards this stress out, rest in framework, toward naming what matters for you in this season and letting the rest of it go for now, confidence in what you need and who you are and not feeling guilty when you assert that,

all of those things help eliminate weariness, even just for today. Those small steps work. They do. They matter and they work. You don't have to be perpetually weary. Now, you might say perpetually tired because the body is finite and we live in a highly optimized world, but shifting how you see that world, being aware of what it puts on you and what you don't have to accept from it, shifting how you see your tasks and your priorities, all of that will help you not be perpetually weary. life is tiring. So try this stress out rest in, but life does not have to be perpetually weary,

especially as you slowly start to change how you see it. And that is a pep talk for the perpetually tired. Okay, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week, it is Corey Canamo. This one is short and sweet and perfect for those of us who are starting to get the hot southern sun. Corey writes this. Decide once. My kid is wearing clothes in the sprinkler this year. No more messing with swimsuits in our yard. That's it.

That's the tip. And it is so good. It's so lazy genius. Part of the annoying part of the sprinkler, if you have a yard in a sprinkler, is the whole hullabaloo of kids putting on swimsuits and then having to dry the swimsuits and then change into swimsuits and putting a sunscreen on your skin

because there's more of it when you're wearing a swimsuit versus like shorts and a t-shirt or whatever. no more of that. Just kids wear their clothes and sprinkler. Done. I love this. This is so great, Corey. Congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. A quick reminder this Wednesday, April 10th, the next issue of the latest lazy letter. My monthly newsletter will be going to the mailing list. So if you don't already get that and would like to, please sign up. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm going to tell a couple of traveling stories, including when I sat next to my friend Jamie at a Broadway show and she got into a bidding war for Aaron Tevate's Bloody Tank Top. a tremendous spring break oversight that resulted in a kid of mine telling me that I was a failure as a mother,

true story, as well as reviews of all the books I read in March, including my favorite book of the year so far. Yep, I have a new favorite book of the year. So if you would like to get that email, sign up at the lazy genius collective.com slash join. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kinsey. The Lazy Genius podcast is enthusiastically part of the Office Ladies Network. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production. Thanks y'all for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't.

I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next week. You ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life? Because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.