The Lazy Genius Podcast - #363 Office Hours with Kendra

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

This is our quarterly episode where I take your problems and try and Lazy Genius them! Today, as always for these episodes, I’ll put the questions focused on kids and parenting at the end in one chunk so that those of you without kids don’t have to listen if you’d rather move along with your day. Helpful Companion Links Pre-order my new book The PLAN or ask your library to consider carrying a copy once it releases in October. The Instagram post where I collected questions for this episode House Rules by Myquillyn Smith (aka The Nester) Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and sip. Play. Post. Taste. View and enjoy. Via rail, love the way. Hey there. You're listening to the Lazy Genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 363 office hours with Kendra. This is our quarterly episode where I take your problems and try and lazy genius them. There are so many great questions and responses on my Instagram post and my feed at the lazy genius. So you can check that out if you'd like. Today is always, though, for these episodes, I will put the questions that are focused on kids in parenting at the end in one chunk so that those of you without kids, you don't have to list.

if you would rather move along with your day. I will say, though, as always, that hearing how to think about any problem, whether it is relatable to your life or not, it really helps you think about your own. The process, the mindsets, the principles we use, they're pretty much the same. So maybe you could use it as a practice to keep lazy genusing the challenges in your own life. Okay, let's get started. Forgive me for my cold. It's taken a long time to get over. So appreciate your patience. All right. The first question today comes from my zombie pancreas. Excellent handle and a lighthearted take on dealing with diabetes. Well done.

Okay. Here's her problem. Quitting my job to work for myself. Eek. How do I end the workday feeling done when I'm never done? Okay. So the first thing that I notice with this question is that it is proactive and not reactive. Zombie pancreas, you're either in the process of quitting your job or you just quit your job and started working for yourself based on the wording of.

this question. So that means that you are anticipating wanting there to be a boundary between work and non-work as you transition into this new job. And that is awesome. I love trying to proactively solve a problem. For y'all listening, pay attention to if you're thinking about something proactively or reactively, because the approach might feel different depending on which one it is. Since this is a proactive problem, it is hard to name the precise triggers for work. carrying beyond the work hours for you or for anyone listening if this is a problem. Will it be email? Will it be social media where you open it up for your own personal use but then you see you know DMs from clients or followers? Will it be

ideating where you have a hard time turning your brain off from work even when the work time is technically passed? It's hard to know what precisely will cause that carryover if you haven't been in it for a while yet. So my advice is to to do what you're already doing, which is, you know, thinking about it, but carry it through a little bit. And let's use the lazy genius method to do that. So there are five steps in the lazy genius method. Step one is to prioritize. What matters most here? You want to feel done with work. You've named that already. Awesome. Step two is essentialize. What is in the way, a feeling that way, a feeling like you're done with work. Maybe it's simply the, you know, the proximity and opportunity of work to be at your

fingertips at any moment. Something else that might be in the way is having your work email on your phone, you know, or maybe your laptop is set up in your main living area. Is there anything in the way that you can remove? Try removing one thing. Or is there something missing that you need to feel done? You know, maybe it's a dedicated workspace or some accountability to finish work if you live alone. If there's something you don't have that you need, name what that thing is. Okay, step three is organize. Let's put things in their place. Maybe you set up that workspace in your home. Maybe you schedule a workout class at five o'clock on weekdays so that you have a clear marker and a commitment of when you're going to leave your computer. Maybe you have a screen time or downtime

setting on your phone to turn off certain apps after a certain time. Just put things in their proper place or not even things. Just one thing, right? Just one thing. Start small. Okay, step four is personalize. How can you feel like yourself in this? Do do something to mark the end of the day that feels like you. It could be a walk around the block, blowing out the lit candle by your desk and saying a breath prayer, playing a song, they either calms you down or ramps you up. Maybe it's calling a friend or catching up on boxer. Do what feels like you to mark the end of your workday. And then step five is systemize. How can you stay in aflo with this? I think renewed

intention helps, you know, limits on phones, that helps. Someone else involved in the end, that helps. Your answer to any of these questions, any of these five steps, it really depends on the answer from the step before. So these are just ideas. But since this is a

proactive problem, and you have some time to think about it, take a few minutes to walk through the lazy genius method, name some things that you think might be true, pick one to start small with and then be kind as you live in this new season. Okay, next up, we have Grace Mal Warder. Maybe Grace Ma Warder, but Grace.

Hi, Grace. Grace says this summer feels overwhelming. We have a newborn. We're moving. My husband is starting a new job. But when I look at the calendar, it kind of breaks down into three week chunks for each adjustment. End of the school year, then about three weeks until we move, then three weeks of

my husband studying for a big exam. then three weeks of family time until this new job starts, then three weeks until everyone starts new schools. Is there anything to that? Should I be embracing those cycles of three weeks? And if so, how? What rhythms can I build into those three week chunks to help us keep our heads on straight and help my kiddos six, four, four newborn, adjust to each transition? First off, Grace, you mentioned the newborn and then dropped three other kids six and under at the end. So high five to you and your energy, my friend. So even though Grace does have kids, this is not a parenting challenge. This is a scheduling rhythmic life transition challenge. Okay. First of all, let's look at these three week

blocks. Grace, you asked if you should be embracing the three week cycles and my answer is the loudest yes ever. Y'all, life gets unwieldy because we make it too big. We look at months at a time, full seasons on the calendar, even years sometimes. And while those stretches of time are valuable, for certain reasons, if they are the smallest stretch you're considering when you're thinking about how to live day today, you are going to get overwhelmed so fast. So the fact, Grace, that this upcoming transitional season naturally breaks into three-week chunks is such a beautiful gift, honestly. And I'm thrilled that you notice that. Now, specifically, you asked what rhythms you can build into those three-week timeframes to keep your heads on straight and help your kids adjust.

just? First, I think kids take their cues from the adults in their lives. If you're stressed, they feel it. That's not a criticism. Like we all feel stress around our people. Kids are not. I think the key is if we do feel it around others, if you do feel stress, no matter who they are, kids or adults, if our stress impacts someone else, I think it's good to just name that out loud. Like, acknowledge it by saying to whoever it is, hey, I know I am tightly wound right now because of the stress of this thing. So thank you for being patient with me. You know, you might adjust it for like tini's, but just acknowledge it. But my point of that to you, Grace, is that a kid's experience of transition is very likely directly tied to how their adults feel about it. So you might not need

to create much for them as much as you need to create something for you and your husband. Kids are resilient and will likely be fine. You will still pay attention to them. You will notice what each one needs. You'll be patient when you name that a new sibling in a new room is a big deal to them. and maybe it explains the tantrums or whatever, but I would concentrate honestly on creating rhythms for yourself and your husband so that you both are more full and present for your kids. Now, what are those? Well, I think we use the lazy genius method again.

So step one, prioritize what matters most during these three weeks seasons. It is likely that each one has a different answer, right? So start there. Then go through the rest, essentialize, organize, personalized, personalized, and systemize, based on what matters for each three week timeframe. Maybe a way to prioritize that process itself walking through that lazy genius method is to put something on your calendar now that is a couple of days before each three week chunk

shifts to the next one, right? So when the time comes, name what matters about the upcoming three weeks and then make some small adjustments to support that thing. you will also likely want to create some calm and ease in your life. So what repetitive aspects of your life create the opposite of calm and ease? I would name them and then a small solution to make them easier, at least right now. So maybe having a meal rotation would be helpful if meals are stressful. You could even ask a friend to set you up like with a meal train for a week or three weeks during your move or something.

new babies are not the only reason to ask people to bring food, you guys. We need to normalize meal trains for other things. Maybe you decide once that this is what you have for breakfast for the next three weeks. You know, simplify stressful decisions or even just one, just one stressful decision. And then I would consider if you have the margin to create some sort of tiny marker, a tiny opening or closing or transitional ceremony between each of these three week chunks. Maybe you and your husband like clink a drink and you share like a goatee, High five. Maybe you schedule an easy dinner at a fun, fast casual restaurant with another family

or something at some of those transitions to mark the moment and invite people in. Maybe you choose a book that you would like to read for yourself during this transition time, using it as this really lovely chance to refuel during a challenging season. And then you'll likely think fondly about that book when you think back to this season of your life. So the fact that you, Grace, have already broken this season down into three week chunks is kind of magical. And I hope some of these perspectives help them feel even better. For those of you who have a transitional season with a lot going on, make your own time chunks. I need a new word that is not chunks. Create your own time frames within the big one completely arbitrarily so that you can see your season with kinder eyes.

Aw isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. Okay. Our next question is from Allie Anderson, Allie Anderson 317. Allie says, okay, I know this is too big, but how do I support my husband and friendships? I've learned so much from you and Laura Tremaine and have really hit a friendship groove, but my husband is still struggling. What can I do?

do to help. Great question, Allie. Okay. This is less about the lazy genius method and more about something to just notice. Not everything needs to be taken through a method, right? When you say your husband is still struggling, I'm curious what that means. Does he say he's struggling? Is there something specific about how he feels about his relationships? I know a lot of you listening might have a partner who is the same way, who does not have the same kind of friendships that you do. And it might not even be a partner. It could just be. a friend, somebody that you do a lot of life with. And they do not have the same depth, maybe, or amount of friends that you do. Now, I bring this up because I'm married to a man who has far

different social needs than I do. And he does not struggle with that. I'm the one who struggles with it. He would be totally fine saying hi to people at church and our community group. You know, he's got friends at work, occasionally texting with his college roommates about some big sports events or something, and then being home with me when I am there, and then also happily on his own when I'm not. He is very relationally content. Now, me, being with friends on a regular basis is essential for my human survival. Like, I invest in people, I have deep relationships, I text and box, we walk together, I go to as many relational things that my life has reasonable margin for. Cause is just not that way. But because that way is so essential in

life-giving for me, I assume that he is missing out, that he is struggling with something, that he should be struggling with, even though he's really not. So for anyone who relates to Ali's comment, my first question is who is really struggling here? Is it you or is it your partner? If it's you, like that's a different answer, right? Now, for Ali or for anyone else, if you are with someone who struggles to have friendships, like genuinely, they are struggling. with it, you can certainly help that person think through why that is. You know, ask questions, listen to how they feel about it, ask what they've tried so far, encourage another option, you know, whatever comes to mind. If your partner is really shy, it might be that you do things

with couples or groups sometimes and not just things with your own friends to expose your partner to other people. It could be helping your partner name someone that they do feel comfortable with and just connect with that one person again. But my friend, My spidey sense tells me that this is more about different relational needs than a partner struggling. Either way, I know that there are people listening who fall into both camps. So hopefully a little permission to either let go or lean in will help. Next up is, yes, I like Curry.

Curry says, husband and I are moving in two months. I work entirely from home and I don't have any group hobbies. We will find a new church, but outside of that, lazy gene is a starting point to making friends in a new place. I cannot figure out how to make this problem small. So maybe just lazy genius away for me to make this problem small. Okay, sure thing. I would say to you, Curry, I think you might be getting ahead of yourself a little bit.

This is another example of proactively lazy geniusing something, and it is such a good skill to have. You know, we want to notice what we think we're going to need. But sometimes you don't know what you have until you get where you're going. and what you might need right now is to be patient for once you move to this new place, once you get there. You know, you'll look for a church like you said you would, maybe keep your eyes open to things that pique your interest, but you don't have to have a social plan laid out yet or know when a book club meets and have it on your calendar.

Like a plan of action here might just be to be patient for now and then pay attention once you arrive. I think it's really easy to get ahead of ourselves, especially when a transition is looming. it's maybe one of the most normal responses, honestly. So I'll just say hang tight for a few more weeks. You know, you can start small by researching churches if you want, since you already said that's where you're going to start. Beyond that, maybe see if your new city's visitor center

or like a downtown organization or a local library or something has an Instagram handle and follow those. Like our city's Parks and Rec Department has an Instagram account. And they post things like, you know, community runs and cleanup projects. There's a sidewalk chalk contest the other week, all kinds of things that are happening. So you could follow those to get an idea of what's happening in this new place. Or sometimes there are travel people who focus on things to do in a certain town, you know,

and maybe there's one forever you're moving. So you could do that now. You could follow an account or two, see what types of things sound fun to try. But my biggest encouragement to you is to start small by waiting. You don't have to have it figured out right now. You can simply let your question at this point be an indication. that you're noticing what matters to you, and that's relationships. And that's a beautiful thing.

Okay, final non-kid question is from Dwayna. Her handle is like, it actually spells her name, like pronounces her name, which is pretty great. Dwayna Gourley. So many things I could lazy genius, but washing my face before bed is something I would love to start doing. I usually wait until the very last second to get ready for bed, and washing my face feels like too much when I'm so ready to hop into bed.

20 years ago would have been a good time to start taking care of my skin, but the next best time is right now. I really like that last line. That's super kind and optimistic. The next best time is right now. Okay. So I would say, I think this is probably frustrating to Dwayna and anyone else who struggles with something daily like this. Like, it's not hard, right? You know, it's not hard to wash your face at night, but it's so hard. Like, why is this so hard? There's so many things like that, these daily things. We're like, why is it so hard? And yet it is. One of the reasons I think it's hard is because for something like washing your face at night, we do have something in our heads that says, at night means before bed, like right before bed. It's assumed, right? It's like

putting cups in cabinets instead of drawers in your kitchen. There are things that we think are supposed to go in a certain place or supposed to happen at a certain time. And that's just not true. you make things work the way you need them to work. So maybe washing your face at night doesn't have to mean right before bed. I had this problem too for a super long time. I would get so tired. And then I would kind of pout and resent something that when given more time, I really enjoy.

Like I really enjoy my skincare stuff. So I started washing my face after dinner. Or sometimes I do it when my daughter's taking a bath. Like so just do it earlier. In fact, that could be a nice thing to do when you come home from work. if you come home from work is to change into cozy clothes and then also wash your face. You don't have to do a 10-step skincare routine, but you can wash the makeup off your face,

maybe put a moisturizer on and be done if that's all you have the margin or priority for. But just change up the time and see how it goes. Okay, let's pivot quickly to a couple of kid-related questions. First up is Carrie Shaven's? Carries Havens. That makes more sense than Carrie Shavins. Carrie's Havens. Carrie says,

how can I lazy genius craft supply storage for my kids? We have space for it in our playroom, but Pinterest ideas feel overwhelming and unattainable. What matters is that it's all stored in the playroom, that the crayons and paper are accessible to my kids, and that all the scissors are out of reach from my havoc-reaking two-year-old. Okay. Carrie, this is a very real thing.

If what matters is accessibility and that everything is in the playroom, you can probably skip Pinterest. You're right. Those ideas are overwhelming and unattainable for you because aesthetics and order were not listed as things that matter to you. Aesthetics and order are fantastic things and I love both. There are places in my life where one or two are the priority. But both are not required anywhere except for on Pinterest. I want you to think about it. An organizational idea on Pinterest is probably not going to take off if it doesn't check off either aesthetics or order just because of the nature of how Pinterest works. So my first observation is that Pinterest is not where you need to go because Pinterest does not share your priorities.

Now, we have a lot of art supplies in our house too. And the thing that matters the most to me is the same as you. It is accessibility. But the containment is less about it all being in one room and more about it being in one cabinet. Our art stuff is in our main kitchen and living area. So I would rather not see a lot of it if possible. But we have containment as a priority. We, we have containment as a priority. both do. So in our house, we have an IKEA shelf situation that we got ages ago. I don't even think they make the thing anymore. But it's like a deep shelf with doors and it's glass doors. You can still see. Inside those doors are these three enormous baskets, like enormous, enormous, enormous. I've talked about these before. One is for paper things. One is for projects that are in process.

And then the third one is for all the markers and stuff. We also have one smaller basket with paint and then another basket with stamps and ink just because those are easy categories. Now, the giant basket with all the markers and the pencils and the crayons and the glue and everything, it is loosely, loosely divided inside the big basket. And when I say like divided and loosely divided, I'm talking like markers are in the bottom half of a cereal box. Or colored pencils are in a red solo cup, you know? Now, are they all contained? Definitely.

They're in a big old basket inside that cabinet. Are they accessible? they are 100%. The basket is low so that Annie, who's my youngest, can get to it. Are the tools mostly separate and kind of organized for a time that eventually a solo cup spills, the markers just get thrown into the basket proper instead of into the frosted flakes box first? Honestly, no worries. Why? Because consistent organization and categorization of the art things, that is not what matters most to me. Every now and then, when accessibility becomes an issue because everything is just all over the place,

we will pull out the big basket, we'll do a quick sort and set everything to write again. Basically, when you name what matters, not only does it tell you what to pay attention to, but it also shows you what not to pay attention to. If order and aesthetics are not top-tier priorities for something, Pinterest is not where you go. It'll just make you feel bad. So don't be precious with it. Don't be precious with this art organization or anything that is sparking the memory of

anyone listening. Don't be precious. Just put everything in the playroom and shoe boxes or Amazon boxes or whatever. Like your kids very likely do not care. They just want their markers. Okay, next is K Robertson 84. As working parents whose kids can't have many long lazy days at home, summer camps abound, how do we make summer have that slow and free feeling when lazy summer feeling downtime is what matters? And then there was a follow up comment to this one from Becky Jean who says, yes, I struggle with this too. Day camp is essentially the same hours of school. So how do we make summer feel like summer? This is such a good question. Okay, so let's do a quick brainstorm of what makes summer feel like summer. Kay Robertson, Kay already said the phrase, slow and free feeling, also lazy

and downtime. So because the weekdays are more structured, that slow, free, lazy downtime does not exist, right? So your priority then is to inject that feeling in everywhere else. You can't change the structure of the day camp days or that the kids need to go in the first place because a lot of you work. Like you don't get the summers off. You got to work so your kids have to do something. That's set, right? And let's also remember though when you think about the hours are the same as the school day, your kids don't have school work. So it is for sure lazy or need. easier than a school year. But when it is the evening and the weekends, think about what you can or more accurately cannot do to keep that slow, free, downtime feeling. So maybe it's like stock up

on summer things that are easy, but like such a vibe, like bubbles and popsicles and microwave popcorn, eat dinner or a pool, declare most Saturdays no chore Saturday so that the kids can just chill and play and sleep in or whatever they need and you two. This reminds me of something the Nestor says, the Nestor, who has a new book out called House Rules. It is so fantastic. You should go get it. She is the lazy genius of home. She talks about lovely limitations, how the limitations in our home often provide some of the most interesting and cherished, decorating or organizational or living moments in our homes.

And I think the same can be true for managing your time. Try to not look at the summer camp schedule as something to fight against or change. Instead, see it as a lovely limitation and cherish the time that you have around it. It'll make your free, slow, downtime summer even more enjoyable because you're being really attentional about it. Okay. And finally, Mike Dunk. Mike Dunk says, socks everywhere in my house from all members of the family help.

What is it with families and socks? Like, not just kids, adults too. I mean, just this morning, three random pairs of socks just around my living room. Like, where do these come from? It's like doing more socks and people. Sox being everywhere is kind of a nightmare. And here's my suggestion. You just need them to be contained and then have a rhythm to get them there, wherever they get contained.

So you could have a small container that's pretty like a planter or something that is in the central hub of sock central. When you or anyone else sees a sock lying around, it just goes in the sock spot, right? Sock pot, sock spot. The other thing is to simply have. have a house rule that whenever you yell sock spot or socks or whatever, everyone needs to grab any socks that they see that are not in a drawer and put it in the laundry or wherever is the easiest place for them to put it. The struggle for you, Mike, is probably, and it's Mike Dunk like, I don't know what this name is. I'm, I don't know. It's fine. Mike, M. I see. The struggle for you

is probably that you're the only one who notices the socks or cares that they're everywhere. That is tough and the bane of many a mother's existence. I don't know if you are, if you are a mother, but for a lot of you listening, you are mothers. Instead, teach your kids to notice it. Sam Kelly talks about this all the time on her Instagram. Teaching our kids to notice what needs doing is far more important than short charts. So shouting something like Soxpot teaches them to look out for socks. That's the job is noticing the socks. and eventually they'll probably notice them without the prompt. And maybe they'll put them in the laundry or the sock spot or sock pot on their own.

Okay. Those are our questions for today. Thank you to everyone who submitted ideas. And we will do another office hours episode in about three months. I can't wait. Okay, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This weekend is Rebecca, with no last name sadly, but to all the Rebecca's listening, this is one of you.

Rebecca writes, hello, Kendra. One thing I have done to calm the crazy in the morning is to have two sets of toothbrushes for my kids. One in the upstairs bathroom, which they primarily use at bedtime, and one downstairs in a kitchen drawer. Because the downstairs bathroom has a small pedestal sink and no storage. Once my kids are dressed and downstairs in the morning, I don't want them going back upstairs lest they get sidetracked. But I want them to brush their teeth after their vitamins and breakfast. This prevents that issue. Hope this can help another listener.

Rebecca, this is a great idea and a perfect lazy genius of the week for this episode. It is such a small change that makes a big difference. Also, an extra tip for any of you, thinking about storing toothbrushes in drawers, somewhere other than the bathroom especially, we use a cheap utensil caddy. I think we got it at like the dollar store or something. We use it, well, we got it during our bathroom renovation since all five of us were brushing our teeth in this hallway half bathroom. but now that the renovation is over,

my boys actually still brush their teeth in that bathroom because it's closest to their bedrooms and they brush right before bed. So the plastic utensil caddy, it is still in a drawer in this old nightstand, honestly, in our bathroom, in our half bathroom. And it works great. It's so great to keep everybody's toothbrushes

separated from each other. Plus, we can throw the utensil thing in the dishwasher every couple of weeks to easily clear the juice. germs and the toothpaste gunk that children inevitably leave behind. So that is an extra tip if anybody wants to try this to make your own life easier. Put a second set of toothbrushes somewhere more accessible. And if it's in a drawer, use a cheap utensil caddy. Thanks for sharing Rebecca. And congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. This episode is hosted by me,

Kendra Adachi, and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kinsey. The Lazy Genius podcast is enthusiastically part of the Office Ladies Network. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production. Thanks so much y'all for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that.

More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life? Because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.