The Lazy Genius Podcast - #368 - My Playbook for a Lazy Genius Summer

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

For many of you, it’s summer, or you might already be a couple of weeks in. Regardless, I’m going to share my plan for a Lazy Genius summer, and hopefully it’ll show you some ways to apply these principles to your own plan but more importantly to how you pivot around the plan when those times come. Helpful Companion Links Pre-order my new book The PLAN or ask your library to consider carrying a copy once it releases in October. The Next Right Thing Guided Journal by Emily P. Freeman One Line A Day Journal The Essential Calendar (Use code LAZYGENIUS for 10% off) Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi there. You're listening to the lazy genius podcast. I am Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 368, my playbook for a lazy genius summer. Y'all, I am so pumped for this episode. Why is that? Well, because it is a real-life example of how to think about your time like a lazy genius. And when we do that, when we think about our time through the lens of being a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't, through the lens of seasons of hope tos and have tos. And we introduce various levels of kindness and ease through the 13 lazy genius principles. Life just feels better. Now, is it perfect or always easy or without challenges? Of course not. And I'm fairly certain you

already knew that that is not what I meant. But this is such an important thing for us to talk about and practice. It is one of my favorite things ever to help you feel better about the season that you are walking into and navigate it with all the humanity that you have. Now, for many of you, it's summer. You might already be a couple of weeks in. Some of you, you are not even in the hemisphere. It is cold where you are. So, but regardless of what is happening with the sun wherever you are, I'm going to share my playbook for a lazy genius summer today. And hopefully it'll show you some ways that you can apply some of these ideas and some lazy genius principles to your own playbook for the summer. But I also want us to think about no matter what we plan here, learning to pivot is more important than learning to plan. And we're going to have many pivots, right? This is not a if we have to pivot once. This is a win. We have to pivot many times. So keep that in mind too. Now, as we get started, the first thing to remember when you are entering into the early stages of a new season and you're trying to prepare for what is to come is I want you to think in terms

of a playbook rather than a game plan. Now, both of those have their place. But today we're making a playbook, not a game plan. A playbook is a non-linear list of approaches to something. You know, both of these words are used in sports, which I love using sports analogies. But a playbook, it has, it has ideas, it has priorities. It's a place to hold kind of all the pieces and parts of the things that you might encounter, you know, in your season. It's like a hub for the information that you might need over the next little while to make an informed wise decision. You know, it's how you can preemptively and proactively decide what matters and what doesn't in an upcoming season. But a game plan, it's more granular, more linear, more focused on

how you'll approach a day, a week, a project, that kind of thing. Now again, that matters, both matter. But that is not what we're doing today. A game plan is not what we're doing today. In fact, I think one of the many reasons that we struggle to prepare for upcoming seasons is because we start with a game plan. We make a series of complicated game plans instead of stepping back, and creating a playbook that will actually simplify our future game plans and make them even more effective. So today is Playbook Day. Okay, as we get started, you might be familiar with the three loose steps to this process of creating a playbook. I shared them in an episode about three months ago when we needed a playbook for spring. Those three steps are pretty simple. Look around,

look back, and look ahead. Look around, look back, and look ahead. Once you do those three things, you can more easily name what matters. You can name your hope tos and your have-toes. You can answer some questions like, what am I really excited about this season? And you can even start putting some things in their place. But the beauty is that after you go through these three steps, you can choose what makes sense for you next.

Certain seasons require more plays, so to speak, than other seasons do. So you might want to spend a little bit more time than you might in a different season to kind of get some ideas on paper, right? But ultimately, though, we start by looking around, looking back, and looking ahead first. And then that will help you know what you need to do next. Now, I am legit going to spend the rest of this episode doing that for my own life. I already did it a couple weeks ago. And that's why I'm coming into this episode so excited because I genuinely feel less burdened about what is coming next because I've gone

through this process. I know that there is a lot to do. I know that my kids will drive me crazy. I know that I will drive them crazy, that many plans will not shake out. But that all of that doesn't actually matter. Like those things are expected. What helps me feel good moving into those situations and into this upcoming season is knowing that I have already done the work of thinking through what matters of tending to this season in a wise and kind way. And that my family is also part the process since they are participants in this just like I am. Now, if you are solo or it's just you and one other person, bringing that person into the conversation is so important. You know, this does not have to fall only on you, nor should it, but also it's just as important for someone

who it's living alone or who's planning your calendar sort of independent of other people. So this is an important process for everyone. Okay, let's look at my playbook. First, look around with me. When I look around, also anytime I say look around in our house, Cos goes, look around, look around, like Hamilton, every single time. Every time. Okay, so we're going to look around. When I look around at where I am, at the season I'm in, at what I'm currently experiencing, I notice chaos.

But it's also kind of the normal kind of chaos, you know? We don't have any deeply difficult situations that we're facing that require extra energy or functioning. I feel lucky to say that things are relatively normal, like whatever normal might mean. So it's chaotic because it's, you know, the end of school in the beginning of summer, but not in a way that feels like enormously overwhelming or emotionally difficult. Also, as I look around, I see two teenage boys who are at different stages of independence and then also their little sister.

Parenting is honestly the hardest thing for us right now. The kids have such different needs from each other. And knowing that we're all going to be together for 11 weeks of the summer in various ways, it can definitely send to me spinning if I'm not careful. But even in being careful, I'm also being honest, right? I look around and I see a challenging parenting season. It's been that way for the last year or two. Any of you who have middle schoolers know that it is a weird time.

And exhausting in a way that I don't always feel equipped for. So that's what I see when I look around. I see end of season, kind of regular chaos, paired with the broader season of tricky parenting. Naming that helps as I move forward into our next step, which is to look back. RBC Training Ground has discovered potential in over 20,000 Canadian athletes and counting. Your story could be next. If you've got the drive, they'll help you find your path to the Olympics. Let's see what you've got. Sign up for free at rBC training ground.ca.

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You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. All right, let's look back. I can get so in the weeds about how I think a season is going to go and turn a little chicken little with it all. You know, the sky is falling? But is it really, like, is it really, did it last year or the year before? Am I remembering it correctly? So I look back. Now, there are a lot of ways you can do this.

You can look through your camera roll from this time last year. You can look back at a journal or something like Emily P. Freeman's next right thing, guide a journal, which I know a lot of you have and fill out. You can look at your Instagram or your Facebook feed. Ask someone you live with if they remember how it felt this time last year. Now, one of the simplest ways that I look back is to read through my one line a day journal. I have been keeping the same one for going on three years now. So I have a couple summers worth of information that I can examine.

So I actually got my journal and I looked back at it. And it was, let me just, I'll just share. Okay. So in June of 2022, okay, so two summers ago, we were dealing with the stomach bug that ran through everybody. And we had to cancel a very anticipated trip to visit out of town cousins. Okay. In the wake of that on June 6th of 2022, I wrote so much complaining, but the kids are my favorite. Okay. The next day, June 7th, 2022, I wrote a quote from Ben, from my kid Ben who said, at the time he would have been 10. He would have been 10. He wrote, or he said, and I wrote, even though you're the only mom I've ever had, you're still the best. And that was right after a canceled trip to see cousins or not see cousins.

that he absolutely adores. The thing that I remembered and the thing that happened was Ben saying I was his best mom, which means I was with him and his sadness and we all ended up okay, you know? Okay, let's look back at another June. So last year in June of 2023, it rained the first week of school being out. And I mean rained, like aggressive rain. It was such a weird week at all of us. Like I remember talking to friends and neighbors, and especially ones with kids, who it like aligned with when school was out. And we were all like, what is happening? Why, why does summer feel so weird? And it's because it just rained like crazy for the whole first week. I was also writing the plan at the time, which is my next book, comes out October 8th. It was like a weird vibe that month with the rain,

with book deadlines, with disappointments, all the things. Even the next month, July of 2023, the family all got sick again with COVID and could not go see those same cousins a second summer in a row. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? There were little moments that were tough that I marked down like we went to the pool and it was closed for swimming me and we didn't know, but we rallied and pivoted and we went to get ice cream instead. One day two years ago, I wrote, Sam's summer boredom has led him to kind of liking movies now. So I'll take it. If you're new here, my kids hate movies as a concept because there is, and I quote,

too much escalating conflict. But honestly, they're coming around. They're coming around a little bit on movies. And apparently boredom kind of helped with that two years ago. I looked back in my One Line a Day journal. I saw evidence of summer camps where kids conveniently forgot to shower. Our power went out a ton weirdly. We had people over and we went to the pool and we sat around reading.

I worked sometimes with a sitter, sometimes in the cracks. Other families rallied and hung out with my people. Annie learned a kickball change from a friend. And she accompanied cause in me to a meeting with our financial planner because we couldn't find anyone to stay with her when we had to have this meeting. If you read the entirety of my daily entries over the last two summers, which I did, those entries do not tell a story of stress. They tell a story of lovely moments and pivoting and seeing the good that's here right now. And it was quite moving, if I'm honest. Now that's a lot of words I just shared about looking back, but I want you to see how valuable it is.

When I pulled out my journal, I wasn't freaking out about this summer, but I wasn't calm either. I've been feeling those early stressors of an upcoming season, that tingle of anticipated chaos, the no alone time, you know, for 11 weeks, at least alone time that I just get naturally. If I want alone time, I have to work for it, right? I've already talked about that in a recent episode. But when I looked back, I felt so much better. I mean, I didn't, I didn't even have to make a playbook. Like I could just remember that I went through some crazy things these last two seasons.

And not only did I survive them, the things that stood out to me that were worthy of writing down were the most beautiful human things. I mean, y'all on the same day that Annie learned her kickball change and I wrote it down. Like that was the significant thing I wanted to remember that she was practicing her kickball change on that same day. I found out I had thousands of dollars stolen from an account. You know what I wrote down that day? First, I wrote down the kickball change. Again, hilarious. But I wrote down how thankful I was for Susan, my financial planner, and Leslie, my director of

operations here at TMLG for helping me sort it out. Like, that's what I wrote down. What a gift that is. What a gift looking back is. Was every day sparkly? No. Was every entry sparkly? No. But most of them were. Now, let's say that they weren't. Let's say that what I learned from this looking back, and what I want to encourage you in is that no matter your circumstances, I believe that you can experience some form of peace. You can look for some semblance of good. You can breathe and be kind to yourself, even when everything feels like it's falling apart. The looking back is less about seeing if the circumstances were good or not. I mean, I love seeing those things that we did, and it kind of sparked like, oh yeah, we loved doing that thing.

Maybe we can do that thing again. But really what I loved seeing was how I responded to my circumstances. I have come such a long way in how I see my life. And that way of seeing is what I try and teach and encourage you toward in every single episode of this podcast, every page of every book I write, anything I share publicly. The way you see your life and yourself in it matters. The kindness that you access matters. the daily moments matter. Not in like a Hallmark way, although there's nothing wrong with Hallmark.

I just mean like the real, you know, fingers in the metaphorical dirt human moments of our daily lives. You are not a Stepford robot trying to manufacture a perfect summer. You're probably a lady named Amanda or Sarah who's trying to be an integrated person day today. That's what we're after. Let's just be a person. and looking back helps you see how you already have been. Okay, so that's looking back. Next up is looking ahead. Now, this is where we're getting a little bit into the nitty-gritty. What is coming up in your life?

Well, this is still far away for me, but also it's not. It's going to get her so fast. And that is the release of my next book, The Plan, Manage Your Time, Like a Lazy Genius. If you're into how this episode makes you feel, you're going to love that book. You're going to love it. No, it does not release until October 8th. But there's so much work to be done in preparing for that day. Now, a lot we've already done.

A lot will do in August and September. And then I will try and stay a sane person in October with all the launching and the traveling and just being a slightly chaotic author and one of the busiest months of the year already. Now, depending on the day, I'm either not worried about that time at all or I'm worried about it very deeply. So while it is a bit of a later problem, it's still there. I still see the book launch when I look ahead. Now for the summer specifically,

what I ultimately see are inconsistencies. We have camps for all three kids that often do not line up. We have three different months of child care rhythms because of when cause has time off this summer. I have different days of the week that I will be working and even different weeks of the month where I can and cannot work. There's very little that is consistent this summer. Like there's no week that looks like another week. There's no week that looks like another week. And as I look ahead, that's what I'm saying. I just don't see much of a rhythm. Remember at the start of the episode when I said that these three steps of looking around, looking back and looking ahead, would help inform what you do next. You can choose what you feel like you need, you know, as you do these

things. What I need right now, especially because of the lack of rhythm and consistency that I see as I look ahead, I need two things. I need a list of have-toes and hope-toes for the summer. So that's what it sounds like if you are new here. These are the things I have to do. These are the things I hope to do. And then I also need some kind of baseline expectation for our days, no matter what is happening on the calendar, some kind of rhythm. If we need to adjust, which we will, we will adjust. but having something in place helps us have something to adjust from, right? Okay, so the have-toos and hope-toes. I actually already made this list.

And as a family, we're continuing to add to that list. Some of our half-toes this summer are to get Ben, my middle kid, a smart watch because that is our house rule. When you finish sixth grade, you get a smart watch. Now, we've only done it with one kid before him, but it actually worked really great. Sam is going into high school next year, and that is, still all he has and we'll probably continue to have. It works great for us. Other have-toes are to keep ahead of work so that the fall does not creep up on me and eat my lunch. We need to take

care of a couple of medical things with the kids before school starts again. I need to plan, this is a have-to. I have to plan a church event that I'm helping out with. I have to schedule solo time for me to be in my house. I talked about that a week or two ago. Those are some have-toes. Now, our hope-tos are a family affair. We did our first pass at the hope-toes just last week. And we'll absolutely keep adding to that list as the summer goes along. I will explain, like, where we put those hope-toes in just a second. But we have personal have-toes and hope-toes. And we have family-have-toes and hope-toes. Seeing that difference helps me triage all the things in a relatively inconsistent summer.

Now, the other thing that I need now that I've looked around and looked back and looked ahead is some kind of baseline expectation for us, especially for the kids, but kind of for everybody, on as many days as possible. We need something consistent and rhythmic because all of our days feel different. One of the pieces that is causing me the most anxiety about that daily rhythm is how we handle screen time. it's so much easier to do this during the school year. Like we have a rhythm for it and it works great, right? Because the kids are in school.

So we don't have to manage screen time during the day because most of the day the kids are at school. But during the summer when they are not, it's tricky. Without some kind of guideline, they'll just play on screens all day. And the older that my kids get and the more independent that they get, the more this becomes an issue. Now, while I am absolutely not commenting on. this from like a moral standpoint because there are some seasons that need a screen babysitter. And that's a real thing and I've been in those seasons. So don't feel bad. For us in this season, for my family right now, it is not a necessary thing, nor is it a preferred thing. Our kids do enjoy

their screen time and they get a lot of it. I'm okay with that. But what I don't like is when it is the central piece of every day's plan. I don't want everything to be revolving around when someone can have screen time. That just makes me so emotionally exhausted and frankly annoyed. Now, in the past, as many of you with kids have probably done, you know, there's a checklist of things that kids have to do before they get screens. You know, maybe they have to read or make something or do their chores or whatever, and then they can have screen time. But because our days are unique from each other, right? And some mornings, it actually works out better for the kids to watch their rare movie or play a video game together, which they've been doing more and more,

which is so fun. This list of like do these things before screen time, that model, it doesn't really feel like it's going to work for us this year. Plus my boys, like, they sometimes sleep in now. You know, it's a whole new season. So we are going to try an adjustment. Instead of having to do this list of things before you get screen time today, you do this list of things that enable you to have access to screen time tomorrow.

So every day the kids have their list of things that they need to do. and that list might change here and there based on what we have going on. And that's the beauty of it, right? As we want it to be flexible. If the boys are, like both of the boys are doing summer school classes for different things that last, you know, different lengths of time. The kids, different kids are going to be at camp at different times, depending on what the weather is like.

You know, there are all these kinds of things. You might have a different list of what you need to do that day. But if you choose, if a kid chooses to not finish their list. before they go to bed, they're also choosing to not have screen time the next day. Maybe I'm naively optimistic, but I think that this slight adjustment is actually going to be really, really great for us. I got these like small dry erase clipboards that I found on Amazon that I'll have for every kid for their daily sheets. That's what we call these lists. And we can adjust those however we need to because, you know, they're like erasable and portable

and everybody gets one. I'm actually kind of pumped about this. approach, honestly. And what I love is that it empowers the kids to have their own rhythm. Some of them have more energy in the morning than others do. So it makes sense to do things that require more early than later for one of my kids. They get to choose, you know? It's like I'm giving them the pieces. I'm giving them the things that need to fit inside their rhythm container, their routine container. And then they can do them in whatever order they want to, as long as it's done before And if they choose not to, then they choose to not have screen time the next day. And they can also choose that. I'm actually fine with that. I'm totally fine with that. So we will see how this system

works. I will keep you posted. Now, one of my favorite principles when it comes to this kind of thing is put everything in its place. All right? We're putting the daily sheets in their place on these clipboards. My favorite thing, though, to keep track of what we have going on and also to keep track of our have-toes and hope-toes, is the summer break essential calendar from the essential calendar company. We'll put a link in the show notes. But I have used calendars from the essential calendar company for years now. They are a staple for us in our house. Super simple, but perfectly designed with the best accessories to.

So I set up our summer break calendar, which it's like a large wall hanging calendar that you can ride on and stuff. And the summer break calendar runs from Memorial Day to Labor Day, which is so great. And I put in all of our flags. You know, that's a word we use for all the things that are locked, barring any sickness or something, obviously. Summer camps, trips, birthdays, that kind of thing. Okay. I used different colored tape that essential calendar sells that you can write on for different types of activities. So things do feel segmented in a great way, but it's also like colorful and fun to look at. Now then, so I put the flags on, right? Not literal flags.

but I put those things on the calendar. And then I gathered the family up. And I asked to them what they all hoped they got to do this summer. What are our hope to's? And as they said their things like, Go to Outback. That was from Ben. Or have Mariah over for a sleepover.

That was Annie. Or get a French horn. That was Sam. I wrote those things down on these little round, like sticky notes, like post-its with their small circles that are also from a central circle. that are also from a central calendar, and they match the tape. So cute. And I would write one thing on each of those little circles, and I would stick them along the border of the calendar itself. Since those are not locked things, but they still matter. Their place is on individual stickers

on the calendar that we look at every day. So as we come upon a day, we can decide, hey, you know what? Let's go to Albeck for dinner. That's on the sticky note. That's a hope two this summer. Let's make it happen. And then we can actually, we move that sticky note to the day that we do it, which is kind of fun as we look back at the calendar. It's seriously the best way for us to keep track of our summer half-toos and hope-toes. And again, since the stickers come in different colors that match the tape, it is all coordinated and divided however we need it to be, but it's also super, super cute to look at. This is not an ad, by the way. They did not pay me to say this. I just, I love these calendars so much.

And I also love the process that it enables me to embrace. I can put my flags on. If I have to move things because stuff is on tape, I can, but I can put my flags on the calendar. And then the things that are definitely movable, all these hope twos, they're there. They have their place. We can see them. They're movable.

We can put them in a place on a day. And then we can move them if we need to. Like it's just, we've done this a couple years and it's so great. Okay. I love putting things in their place when it comes to time. Okay, some other parts to my playbook that I have not quite made yet, honestly, are summer house rules and then maybe a decide once or two. But as you know from, was it two weeks ago?

I think two weeks ago, I already shared 20 decide once that we do. So our home is already fairly automated in ways that work great for us. So there aren't a ton of needs for that. but if we have a need, we'll make one, right? That's how we, that's how we live, right? We look at what we need, we make an adjustment, we start small, and then we keep going. So what I just shared with you is honestly what I need right now. I needed to remember that I can do summer. I can even enjoy it, you know, I needed to look back and see that I have before. I also needed to have a great place for my to-toes and have-to, so we wouldn't miss things that matter in the inconsistency of our summer. This is

absolutely the most inconsistent summer that we've ever had, which makes sense because the kids are older and are doing more. But we have a place to hold these things that we want to do. I also needed to recognize the need for something rhythmic and daily in our family. And I needed to name that a lot of that anxiety around those rhythms was around screen time. So I will again keep you posted on how this whole like screen time tomorrow daily sheet situation works out. But do you see how helpful this is? Do you hear my voice? Just look around and acknowledge your season. Look back and notice how you have lived before and look ahead so you can prepare in a way that feels human and kind, knowing that you will absolutely have to pivot many times as you go.

And that's okay. That's expected. It's actually so good because it teaches us so much as we have to pivot and it helps us see that good is here right now. And that is my playbook for a lazy genius summer. All right, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week it is Marie. I want to say France because it's spelled France, but I think it's front. I want to make it fancy. I'm not going to make a fancy. Marie France, Noel. I'm not going to make a fancy. Sorry, Marie. Marie writes, my toddlers would always ask for me for, well, everything. Mom, 1,000 times every day and I couldn't do it anymore. So we taught our two boys to call out parent when they needed help. They are now 10 and 12 and they still do it. It was a game changer for us. My husband got even more

involved and I felt way less like I held the world on my shoulders. This made me laugh, Marie, just imagining like children yelling parent. Now obviously this is a tip for parents and it's also assuming that a household has both a mom and a dad. However, the sentiment is quite lovely and can be adjusted for other situations too. Sometimes we cannot change the behavior of others and we have to tend to ourselves, right? You know, we can't change how someone treats us, but we can be aware of how we respond to it. And also, there are circumstances where we can try and teach someone how to adjust their behavior to make it more equitable for everyone. And this is a great example of that. Like, it's not that Marie has to just navigate, like being frustrated by hearing her name, not even her name, hearing mom,

yelled a thousand times a day. Like you can adjust to that yourself, but what a beautiful thing to bring the person into it and be like, hey, let's look at this behavior so it can help everyone. I know my kids shout mom, like always. Now, it's mostly because I'm the parent around in their time of need because of my husband working out of the home and I work in the home. But it's also become a habit for them. You know, everyone yells mom. I'm curious if this is something to try in our house. Talk about a way to have a lacy genius summer, you know? And it also communicates to kids in particular that mom doesn't always need to be the first responder. It's such a simple thing to encourage our kids to do. And it is a great example of how to kindly encourage someone else to adjust their

behavior rather than bending our frustration into something more palatable all the time. This is such a great idea, Marie. I'm so glad you shared it. And congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kinsey. The Lazy Genius podcast is enthusiastically part of the Office Ladies Network. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production. Thanks y'all for listening, and until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't.

I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that, more dangerous, than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.