The Lazy Genius Podcast - #374 - What’s Saving My Life: Summer Edition

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

Last week, I did an episode on all of your best summer ideas, and today I’m sharing the ten things we’re doing this summer that are saving my life. As always, this list is not something for you to copy. The point is to notice where you have problems, adjust, and see what works for you. Helpful Companion Links Pre-order my new book The PLAN or ask your library to consider carrying a copy once it releases in October. @younghouselove on Instagram Target Mesh Beach Tote Mesh pouches for hair stuff @samkelly_world on Instagram Sam Kelly’s Little Cycle Breakers course Walmart jumpsuit that’s a Free People dupe The Essential Calendar Sign up for the Latest Lazy Letter monthly newsletter. Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey there. You're listening to the Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Was that a weird hey there? Feels like it was. Today's episode 374. what is saving my life summer edition. Last week, I did an episode on all of your best summer ideas. Good

golly, was that awesome. And today, I am sharing the 10 things that we are doing this summer that are saving my life. I'd like to say it'll be a shorter episode, but those are always famous last words. So we shall see. As always, this list is not something for you to copy. In fact, half of these, literally half are pool related and not everyone spends their summers at the pool. The point is to notice where you have problems, adjust, and see what works to make something a little easier. Some of these have been adjustments from summer's past. Some are brand new. I hope you get a little help and encouragement from at least one of them. And seriously, though, the first five things are pool related. My apologies to the non-pool folks. All right. First thing, our pool bag. Everything we need for the

pool stays in the bag. T towels, goggles, sunscreen, bug spray, which is a new edition this year, all of it. The bag is kept by our laundry rack where we hang the wet towels. So when it's time to go to the pool, all we need to do is put towels in the bag if there aren't any already. Now, a pool bag is a fairly simple idea because everyone takes a bag to the pool or wherever you're going if you need a lot of stuff, like you take a bag. But the key is to make sure that everything stays in the pool bag when you get home. That's the house rule. That is the place for the pool things.

If Annie keeps her goggles on her head and then she drops them on the bathroom floor once we get home, those goggles will not be at the pool the next day because they're not in the bag. So unless something is being used or cleaned, everything stays in the pool bag. Now we still have this like teal mesh bag that we got from Target, I think last year or two years ago,

on a recommendation from Sherry Peterson of Young House Love. If you do not know or follow Sherry, I hesitate to tell you to follow Sherry on Instagram at Young House Love because her recommendations are always excellent and hard to say no to. Much of my money has been spent on things recommended by Sherry. Anyway, Sherry shared this bag and it is excellent. Target doesn't sell it anymore, which is not excellent. But we will link to a pretty close version in the show notes. Okay, the next thing that is saving my life this summer is our snack bag. It is another large tote bag full of individually wrapped snacks. The family took a trip to Costco at the start of the summer and we got a bunch of boxes of snacks, Skinny Pop, Chips, Pirates Booty.

One of those packs with like chips of Hoy and Oreos and nutter butters and nill wafers. We have Trader Joe's dried mango and pistachios and granola bars. It's a delight. It's so fun. And it saves us a lot of money and headache from the pool snack bar. We actually kind of take this bag everywhere, not just the pool. The third thing is a small cooler. Okay, this is one of those changes you make that it seems kind of silly, but then when you do make it, you wonder how you existed before. So we have a large cooler that's been our only cooler for years.

You can fit like a huge watermelon in there and then some. Not that anyone is bringing along an entire, uncut watermelon in a cooler, but this is just for scale purposes. But what if all we want to bring to the pool is string cheese and like maybe some hummus cups that we also got from Costco? That big cooler is almost more annoying than it is helpful. So I got a small cooler. You guys, he has changed everything. I just like throw in a couple of ice packs, whatever drink or snacks we want to stay cold at the pool and we, you know, just take it along with us. There is something so magical about an item functioning the way you wanted to. And this small cooler does that. The cooler

itself is nothing special. I can't even remember where I got it. Maybe Target. It's just small. And small is what we needed. That's it. Okay. This next one, this is something that a lot of other pool families do. And I never saw the appeal. In fact, I thought it was weirdly unnecessary until I tried it myself. And that is washing Annie's hair at the pool before we go home. Listen to me, right now. You know how showering at home after the pool? It seems to slow down time and cause you to age 10 years. In the same way, showering at the pool before you leave, it's like you got to borrow Hermione's time turner and change the world. I don't even understand the alchemy that happens inside that pool shower where we are in and out in five minutes flat and then just go home.

there is no wrestling a sun-weary third grader who has dried tangly hair forcing her to take a shower when we get home when all she wants to do is watch her iPad. Like we're just done. We're just done. So now one of the things that we keep in our pool bag is a hair bag. I still use and love those zipper pouches that they sell on Amazon that like every lifestyle person you follow loves. We'll put a link in the show notes. And one of the larger ones, it has shampoo, conditioner, a hairbrush, and hair ties. We also have gotten in the habit of taking an extra towel with us to the pool so that Annie has a dry towel after her shower and not a damp one that she just used from getting out of the

pool. It is so easy. Like, I'm already in my swimsuit. So I just get in the shower there with her without worrying about getting wet, you know. We wash her hair. We load it with conditioner. Give it a quick brush and we go home. Even Annie is like, mom, this is the best idea ever.

we will never go back, never go back. Our final pool related thing that's saving my summer life, this is borderline boogey, but it has been a worthwhile investment. I cannot even tell you. So our family belongs to a pool that we have to drive about seven minutes to. No big deal. But my kids can't just go to the pool on their own, right? I have to drive them, even if I'm not staying.

Again, it's no big deal, but it's the thing. What's funny is we live in a neighborhood that has a pool, but we are not members there. People are always surprised by that, which makes sense. Why would you not join a pool you can walk to? Well, the main reason is that when we first joined a pool a few years ago, all of our people were at this other pool. The people make the pool. So we went where the people were.

Those same people are still there and we love our pool so much. But Sam, my oldest kid, who will be in high school next year, his people, are at the neighborhood pool. The first week the pool was open, he walked down there every day for many hours to hang out with his friends, just paying the guest fee, you know? Well, then we learned that he could only be a guest twice a month.

That's it. And even though I kept telling him for the summer, like, you can hang out with your friends, like anytime you want to, like we will do everything we can to make that happen. His friends are at the pool, y'all. A pool he can't really go to. So when I found out that our neighborhood pool offers a dual membership, meaning if you already

belong to a different pool, but you want to join theirs too for whatever reason, they let you do it for a discounted price. And I jumped on it. It is still a price. It is still an investment, but it is the most worthwhile price ever. Sam walks to the pool almost every single day. He's moving his body just by the walk. He's seeing his friends, which is his favorite thing.

He always takes a book in case no one is there or he doesn't want to swim and he just wants to wait for his friends to be done swimming. He throws a couple of snacks from the snack bag in his tiny personal pole bag and then he comes home when he's ready or when I text him and tell him it's time for dinner. I cannot imagine. Actually, I can and it's devastating how our summer would be if he did not have that kind of access to his friends and that type of independence to enjoy. It has been an absolute game changer. Again, kind of crazy to belong to two pools, but holy moly. is it worth it. All right, the next thing saving my life this summer is something I mentioned in a previous

episode. It's a new thing we're trying. And now I get to give you an update on how it's going. So a lot of folks have lists that their kids need to do before they can have screen time. And if that works for you, that's awesome. For our family, it has not historically worked as well as I wanted it to. Sure, the kids would do things like read and chores and move their body and whatever else. but it felt like it was making them cram normal life things into the earliest parts of the day

so that they could get screen time as soon as possible. It also prevented anyone from enjoying screen time in the morning, which sometimes fits the day better than another time of day. Everything just felt too desperate. So this summer, I decided to start making a list of things for them to do every day because I think that's good for my kids in particular. But that list is connected to tomorrow's screen time, not today's. So here's how it works for us. So I got a dry erase clipboard and I divided it into four sections. I actually originally started with four separate clipboards and it was so annoying to have four clipboards laying out every day. It was like one per kid. It was too much. I mean, it covered the whole counter. Where are you going to store four clipboards

and lay them out? So I adjusted as we do. I adjusted my plan and now I use just one. Anyway, so I divide the one clipboard into four sections, and then each of my three kids has their own section with their list. Okay. The fourth section is titled today. And I write down the things I know about the day that I know that they're going to ask me. You know, we're going to go to the library. Somebody is at camp. It's just a chill day. I write down what's for dinner if I know it. If I don't, I literally write, I don't know what dinner is yet because they always ask. So it's basically writing down like any flags we have that day or any questions I know they're going to answer or going to ask that will help the kids know how to structure their own day. Because that's what we're trying to do too,

is like help them foster when they want to do their things rather than being like, you have to read right now. I want them to decide for themselves. They're all different. So then in those other three sections, each kid has a list. Okay. My boys both have summer classes they're taking. So there's work to do. They're both in a math. prep course, like different ones because they're different grades. Thankfully, it's not for a grade, but it's to keep them fresh with math concepts since they both have tested into and have chosen to stay on a more accelerated math path and school.

And then Sam also, who again, he's starting high school next year, he wanted to take his health and PE class over the summer to leave more space for music classes during high school because he's a big music guy. So he's got several hours of work every day. he's regretting that choice a little bit, but I keep reminding him why he decided to do it. I'm like, keep your eye on what matters most, man, taking as many music classes as you can. That's why you did this. And usually that helps him, like, not fall into a pit of summer school despair.

But anyway, on their lists, I will usually, like, put a checkbox that says something like, finish module three. I'm helping them keep track of the different, you know, modules that they're doing or whatever. So they know the broad category of work to do that day. they usually also have reading and moving their body in some way too. Sometimes I'm specific about that, like read a library book or, you know, walk down to the walk down to Nana's house or something like that. Specific, but that's only occasionally.

And then I will also sometimes put specific chores on there if there are things that they each need to do. But that's also kind of occasionally, they move their body every day and they do something part of the house every day. But the specificity about the moving is occasional and the specific chores are also occasional. I will explain why about the chores in just a second. But every kid has their list of like three to six things in order to have access to screens the next day, that list needs to get done before they go to bed today. If anyone chooses to not finish their list, that is their choice, but they're also choosing to not have screens.

time the next day. So far, no one has made that particular choice. But the next day list, it has been so fantastic. It puts screen time in a less urgent position because it doesn't affect how we operate today. I have absolutely loved it from a parenting standpoint. And the kids seem to really dig it from a list checking standpoint. Like it all just feels so much easier. Aw, isn't something we need to travel for. It's something. waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality

of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. Okay, let's talk about the chore thing. So I used to have chores for the kids to do, but honestly, it's always been tedious. And we also have a house cleaner that comes every other week. So the desperation of cleaning everything super well on a regular basis is not there for us. Now, the kids do things. But because we have chosen to have a house cleaner, because that regularity matters to me, I really enjoy having a house cleaner. It makes my life a lot easier.

Our approach to teaching the kids how to do things around the house, it has adjusted, right? However, there is still more that happens in the home outside of regular chores. You know, there's like regular tidying and then food and shopping and tending to our things. The term here, though, used a lot is the mental load, the mental load. And I bet everyone listening to this podcast right now carries the primary mental load of tending to your home. You might be single, so it's just you anyway. Or you might be partnered and have kids. And I bet you still carry most, if not all.

of the mental load of your home and family. I have done an episode about the division of labor in the home, how having your partner equally carry the work of the home matters so much. Eve Rodsky wrote a great book about that that some of you have read called Fair Play. However, something that is missing from both my episode and the concept of fair play is the involvement of the kids. Enter Sam Kelly. I found Sam Kelly on Instagram a few months. ago when one of her posts was in my feed and y'all, she is the real deal. I think that if you have kids, you need Sam's voice in your life. She has an audio course that I took. I bought with my own money. I had not talked to her at this point. I was just like, this chick is great. Let me listen to this course.

And I have not even finished the course yet. That is how effective her concepts are. They're making a difference before I even complete the content. But she has an audio course called Little Cycle Breakers, all about how we teach our kids to share the mental load of the home. I started listening to the course maybe, I don't know, two months ago, and we immediately started implementing Sam's signature concept of notice and do. Her whole thing is that most of the mental load in the home is the noticing. It's being the person who notices what needs to be done. And while a lot of us might notice something and then ask someone else to do it, which is better than do it, which is better than doing everything ourselves, teaching our kids to notice is really how we stop the cycle of everything

falling on one person's shoulders, most often the mothers. So one of the things saving my life this summer is Sam's concept of notice and do. My kids are still loosely in the whiny stage of notice and do where if I say, okay, let's all notice and do in the living room, there are groans of, oh, I hate notice and do. And Sam, Sam, Sam Kelly, not my son Sam, has taught me how to handle this. I respond with words like, I know, it's a lot to go into a room and notice what needs to happen. But all of us working together is what family is about. Plus, this way, you're doing something different than the old way that says that moms do everything, which isn't fair or right. And that's really awesome that you're helping change that. Like, the way I speak about it, I'm not a victim or a martyr anymore. I'm not

making everyone feel guilty, even in a comical way by saying, like, I do everything around here. I am teaching them about the cycle we all live in and that they're helping break it thanks to Sam's teaching. So back to the kids' daily list. Rather than focus on specific chores, which I sometimes do just so they can learn those particular skills, most often I will write notice and do in the bathroom, notice and do in your bedroom. I am making noticing part of the skill they're learning. And eventually, I might not have to write, might not have to write that at all, which is the best. Here's a recent example from our lunch. We're all home during lunch now.

So the kitchen, it is disgusting. It's like rather messy every single day because everybody's doing their thing. Ben makes a pepperoni and cheese chabata sandwich in the air fryer. He assembles and cooks it every day. But he usually leaves all the ingredients out. Like he'll leave the empty pepperoni bag on the counter and stuff. of throwing it away, you know, that kind of thing. I have started using Sam's language, encouraging Ben to notice how to reset the kitchen after he makes his sandwich. I spent a few days in a row narrating what I was

noticing and then doing something about. Like, I noticed that this bag is empty, so I'm going to throw it away. I also notice that the cheese packet is open and it's over here in our dirty dishes zone instead of in the fridge zone. So I'm going to move it to a spot where it'll be more easily put away later. Or I am noticing that I have a few minutes while I'm waiting for my food. So I'm going to put away this stuff while I wait. I mean, it sounds a little unhinged, but I'm teaching him the noticing. I'm like, let me show you what it means to notice and do.

These are the things that I'm noticing. I narrowrated all that for a few days. Now, there's still a lot of prompting because kids are kids. But y'all, the other day, I was sitting at our kitchen island, eating or eating or something. I was just sitting there. Ben had been making his lunch. He put his jibata sandwich in the air prior to cook, as he always does, and usually he walks away. But on this day, he walked past the island, and then he stopped, and he said loudly, notice and do, and he took care of literally everything that was out from making his lunch. He even scraped the breadcrumbs off the counter. Y'all, Sam's course is maybe the

best money I've ever spent in my actual life. She is the lazy genius of teaching kids how to share them into a load of a home, which is something that is so important that I don't know that I had ever even recognized before. I cannot recommend her audio course enough. I am pretty sure that right now it's in the waiting list phase, like it's not open to buy, but it will be again soon and you can just join the waiting list. We'll put a link in the show notes that Sam is offering you guys $10 off the course. So be sure you click the link in the show notes to get the discount. Now, I was going to share this course before Sam invited me to be an affiliate for her program. So I just want you to know, this is not a money grab. This course is excellent, you guys. It is absolutely excellent.

And I cannot recommend it enough. Okay. So the next thing that's saving my life this summer, dinner is rarely planned and often repeated. If you get my monthly newsletter, the latest lazy letter, you will have already read our top 10 summer meals that we're just making on a loop all summer long. I do better in the summer without a specific meal plan like I do the rest of the year. Having brainless crowd pleasers that we can quickly make and eat on repeat is just necessary for this season. You know, we're embracing the season and rarely planning dinner, but repeating and not feeling bad about it. And it's hugely helpful. If you want to see the list of meals, you can sign up for.

for the latest lazy letter. It's so hard to say sometimes. By going to the latest, oh my gosh, you guys, too many else. By going to the lazy genius collective.com slash join. The next newsletter goes out August 7th. But in the PS section of every newsletter, including the August one, which is the next one you would get, is a link to an archive of all the old newsletters.

So you could just click that link, that archive link, and read the one from July. and you can see the meals if you want to. Okay, the next thing that's saving my life this summer is casual bedtimes with the occasional mandatory you need to go to bed now. I am a stickler for bedtimes during the school year because I like my kids to get sleep and I also like sleep. We've always been a big bedtime routine family.

But in the summer, I am way less vigilant because I want summer to be more casual and fun with late nights sometimes. But I'm also noticing when a kid needs an earlier bedtime, right? So we are casual for the most part. But if I sense that somebody needs to, like, for real, go to bed on time tonight, then I'll prep them for that and I'll help them find their way to bed early enough so they sleep well and they're ready for another handful of casual summer evenings later. That has been just a huge permission that I've been giving myself.

Casual bedtimes are fine. and also notice when a kid needs to go to bed. Number eight, are we still counting? Number eight, I am barely making to-do lists, and that truly is saving my life this summer, which sounds weird, right? I am mostly reacting to whatever it is we have going on and need to do. Now, having cause home this summer is huge.

It helps me not carry the whole mental load myself. Sam's course is helping me speak notice and do language to my kids, so I truly am not the only one noticing what needs doing and making the list to make it happen. And then having no school means less to manage. Am I actively not making lists? Like, am I choosing to not make lists? No. But after going like two or three weeks without feeling the need to make one,

I started to let any urge to make a do list, like just let it pass by a little bit. I can tell if wanting to make a list is out of habit. or out of a need for control, as opposed to actually needing a list. Funny enough, I haven't needed one as often as I do throughout the year. And it's really been great. It's helped me experience that summer mindset and relax. It's showing me that I can exist without a linear list of what to do next. Sometimes I really need that reminder.

It's saving my life this summer. Not because it's making me do less, but it's because it's helping me think less, right? in a way that's super helpful because I can overthink things a lot. It's been great. Number nine, my overall jumpsuit things, you know, I'm wearing my purple one right now. Aaron Moon texted me the other day after getting the Walmart dupe that I shared recently. She was like, thank you for this body bag. I love this body bag. True words were never spoken. It is the best body bag ever. Today I dropped Annie off at camp and the woman at the desk was like, you look so comfortable. What a cute outfit. Like, yes, ma'am, this little jumpsuit situation continues to save my summer life.

We'll put a link in the show notes to the Walmart dupe of the free people version that is no longer sold if you did not get that last time. And then finally, the thing saving my life this summer is akin to number eight, but it is remembering that I am okay without a plan. Summer has had so few plans. I do write down any flags on that today's section of the little whiteboard. Yes, we are using our essential calendar, summer break calendar, which I still love with my whole heart. Yes, I have my work tasks organized over the summer so that things get done and I'm not

behind, but I can still be home as much as possible. There are still plans. But the type of daily plan that I tend to make during the school year, those are not happening in the summer. And I am loving it. This is not the season for those kinds of plans for me. I don't know. need them. In fact, I think they keep me from enjoying this season the way I want to. Do I need them during the school year? I very much do. I'll need them like crazy this fall when the plan comes out. Plans are not bad. Plans are awesome. I wrote a book called The Plan. But certain seasons need them less. And I love that those seasons teach me how okay I am without them. It is okay not having a plan. A day can be beautiful without a plan.

Plans can definitely be overrated. So in seasons where I can release them a little, I love doing it. It's good for me. It teaches me. And it makes the summer feel more like summer. And that is what's saving my life. Summer Edition. All right, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week.

This week, it's Sean Hurtgen. Sorry, Sean writes, I wanted to share my most recent decide once. I was listening to your podcast about your list of decisions that you keep repeating as I arrived at Walmart. I did my shopping and then I returned to the parking lot unable to find my car, which unfortunately looks like every other boring gray station wagon in the lot. I did find it eventually and then I decided from now on I am parking in row seven. I have seven people in my family and row seven is right in front of the door so it's a perfect place to park and remember. I have decided once when I go to Walmart, I park in row seven,

and then I can find my car every time without wandering around like a loon. Why this is so funny, I will never know, but this is so funny and also brilliant. If not finding your car is annoying to you and you're going to the same places, park in the same spot. Maybe it's funny that Sean picked row seven because there are seven people in the family. Like it feels very Walton's, which I'm kind of obsessed with, but this is a great idea, Sean, and thank you for sharing. Congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kinsey. The Lazy Genius podcast is enthusiastically part of the Office Ladies Network. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production. Thanks y'all for listening,

and until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I'll see you next week. felt like you were living just a B or B plus life, it's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life, because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch.

I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.