The Lazy Genius Podcast - #377 - Office Hours

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

I do these episodes about once every season where I take your questions and problems and Lazy Genius them here in an episode. It’s a great way to have particular problems solved but more importantly to see how to think about solving problems, no matter what they are. Helpful Companion Links Pre-order my new book The PLAN or ask your library to consider carrying a copy once it releases in October. Put yourself on the Latest Lazy Letter mailing list to hear about all the fun preorder things happening with The PLAN here. Episode 61: The Lazy Genius Exercise Routine Brené Brown and Tim Ferriss conversation Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode.   This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and stretch. Steep. Flip. Or that. And enjoy. Via rail, love the way.

Hey there. You are listening to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 377 office hours. We love office hours. I do these episodes about once every season where I take your questions and problems and lazy genius them right here in an episode. It is a great way to have particular problems solved, but more importantly to see how to think

about solving problems, no matter what they are. As always, I will save more parenting kid-related questions for the back half. So those of you without kids, you can bail early. Okay, let's jump in. The first one is going to have an immediately very, very, short answer, but eventually, a very long one. And this first one is from Alex Nicole. Alex says, I can plan, plan, plan like a champ and enjoy doing it. Meal plan, check. Sketch out my week, month, year, give me some colored pens and markers and watch the days fill in. But the execution of

said plans is an absolute disaster. I never can seem to actually pull off what I schedule. One small derailment, I throw in the towel. How do I keep up the desire to make my well-thought-out plans a reality. The short answer that I gave Alex on Instagram is to read my next book, The Plan, when it comes out October 8th. That will be a long, deeply helpful answer to this challenge. I wrote the plan for everyone who feels like this, but also for people who don't know how to plan, for people who plan but find it overwhelming and slightly annoying, and for people who feel like all other productivity, time management approaches are just not right for them. It comes out October 8th, but I encourage you to do one of two things right now. First, go to the lazy genius

collective.com slash the plan, which is where we will update all book related things, including the book tour stops I'm doing this fall. Many of those are already listed. And pre-order bonus info, that will be announced in another couple of weeks. So maybe leave that tab open on your phone. The other thing you can do, if you haven't already, is to join our mailing list where we'll always email only the most necessary information to you related to the book. I don't like unnecessary emails either. So we make ours as necessary and fun as possible. The link is in the show notes, or you can go to the lazy genius collective.com slash join. So back to Alex's question, it's a tough one to answer with a short sentence. But I did answer it with a book that I'm super proud of and ridiculously

excited for you to read soon. Only 10 more weeks, you guys, that's going to fly. We all know that. that that time is going to fly. Okay, now I'm going to, like, for real, answer some questions. Okay. At Coffee Mama Life says, how do lazy genius exercise to actually get it done or be consistent? I say it's important to me, but I just don't seem like I make it a priority. And the Nike slogan of just do it doesn't seem to help. Can you help? In every single office hours post, there is at least one comment about working out. This is one version of at least three different comments that I saw in this particular post on the first pass, and I'm sure there are more. I have said a lot about exercise and our bodies over the years. Diet culture has just

done a number on many of us about how we see ourselves, our size, and why we should exercise at all. If you Google lazy genius body or lazy genius diet or lazy genius exercise, you will find some episodes that might interest you. But the most relevant episode to this question is episode 61, the lazy genius exercise routine. It is from so long ago. It's crazy. I hadn't even written the lazy genius way yet or even knew that I wanted to. So there are not official lazy genius principles in this episode. And yet there are. You will hear whispers of them, which I love. It is still a great listen. But one thing I likely do not say in that episode that I say all the time now is that you need to match your expectations to the energy you're willing.

to give. Match your expectations to the energy you're willing to give. And maybe in this case, change willing to able. Sometimes we feel more willing to give energy, but our ability to do that, whether it's our season of life or even physical ability is limited. So match your expectations to what you're willing and able to do. I am 42 years old, and occasionally I still feel like I should look and be exercising the way I did when I was 22, which was when I had an eating disorder and was obsessed with being as small as possible. I occasionally expect to look like that, which is not something I'm willing or able to do. And still my expectations can be more in that direction than I realize. There's so much to say about this and many nuances to catch. And we don't

have time for all of it today. So instead, listen to episode 61 and be honest, because be aware of the messages you have in your head that are based on a smaller body being more valuable and match your expectations to the to the energy you're willing and able to give. Okay, next up is Caterhauer. I don't think that's right. So sorry. How to force myself to go to bed earlier. That's all.

Now, if Caterhauer was here, I would have a lot of follow-up questions because that's short. But since she's not, let's consider a couple of things. first let's look at the word force. Kater said how to force myself to go to bed earlier. The language we use really matters and this word is a strong word. It makes me think that Kater Hauer doesn't want to go to bed earlier and must force herself. Or it means part of her wants to likely the intellectual, you should do this to be a better person, Kater Hauer part. But the, I'm so tired and haven't had a minute to myself today and I just want to watch Tee. the part is unwilling to do that, is unwilling to go to bed early. Which one is it? And can we shift the

word force to something else? Okay. Next, let's look at the word earlier. How to force myself to go to bed earlier. What does earlier mean? How earlier? What does that mean specifically? And do you mean you want to go to bed earlier or be asleep earlier, right? Be specific. about the words that you use. Third, there is nothing in this comment about how often Katerhauer wants this to be true. Is it every single night? That's a place we get tripped up, especially wanting to be a responsible adult who goes to bed early. We think that whatever we choose for one night is what we choose forever. And I don't think that's reasonable for most of us. So what if you alternate your early and late nights? Or decide once that Tuesday and

Thursday are early nights to get some good sleep catch up, knowing that you'll have other nights to stay up later and be a person. Just like with the exercise question, there's almost always a should buried in there somewhere. We have been force-fed the idea that sleep is the most important thing there is. And while that might actually be true to a degree, the pressure of that should, it lives alongside the pressure of a million other shoulds. You're expected to exercise daily, cook food, tidy your home, do your job, raise your children if you have them, get coffee or drinks with a friend because you're supposed to have a connected, thriving social life. You should take care of your skin and lay out your clothes and hydrate your plants and hydrate yourself and call your mom and have consistently sorted

mail and folded laundry and dustless surfaces and literally a million other things. Oh, and also go to bed ambiguously early because that's the most important thing, but also do all those other most important things. It is literally too much, y'all. It is unfair that we as women not men. And hear me, men are not marketed to this way. They're just not. Women have been taught from infancy and are directly and indirectly reminded every day that we are expected to meet certain standards, tend to specific things, and do it all on ideal sleep and nutrition. But we're not given help, social capital, or tools to do any of it. Or permission to really let stuff go. Not without feeling shame for it. It gets me riled up if you cannot tell. So here's another place to plug the plan.

is a book for people like Katerhauer who write a sentence like, how to force myself to go to bed earlier. Now, I will share one of my very favorite practical tips for going to bed earlier that was said super well by Peggy C, and there's a number seven tucked in there, but Peggy said this in the comments, and I agree. The biggest thing for me is to already be ready to go to bed, teeth, PJs, etc. well before bedtime. If I managed to get on the couch without doing these things, I'm in trouble. I will say the same as Peggy 7. Being all the way ready for bed way before bedtime, whether it's an arbitrarily early bedtime or whenever your body is ready to go to sleep, it is really a game changer. I get ready for bed when my daughter is getting ready for bed,

which is usually around like 7 or 7.30. Then when I'm tired, I can just go to bed. Now, if you're in all or nothing, girly, remember this, you can get ready all the way, but also wait to brush your teeth because some of you are snackers as I am. And so you think, well, I can't, I can't get ready for bed because I'm not ready to brush my teeth yet. Get ready for bed as far as you want and then have your snack. And then maybe during a commercial break while you're watching Shids Creek on Hulu, go brush your teeth. Stay up three more hours if you want. But when it's time to sleep, you can actually just get in bed and go to sleep. That's a long answer to a very short question and I love it. Okay, next up is abfenema. I know I'm saying that wrong too, but there it is.

Keeping up with the housework, dishes, laundry, general cleanups while working on a large project, cleaning and organizing the junk room. I know the junk room project is a season, but when I fall behind on the day to day, I feel stressed out because everything seems to be a mess. So this is a question that is larger in scope too, like the others, but I have a couple of thoughts here. The first principle, lazy genus principle to employ here, especially if you live with other humans, let people in. And in this case, that means delegating things that regularly fall to you to someone else. That's not doable for everyone, but it's worth mentioning here. Try to think about how keeping up with the housework and doing the large project cannot be just yours. And that also includes if you live alone.

Second principle, essentialize. Get rid of anything that's in the way of what's going on. And also, you need to have what you need. Now, in this case, it could be naming baseline cleanliness while you're working on this bigger project. You know, not everything is going to be done in the same way. The third thing, and this comes from the comment itself, the part that says, I feel stressed out because everything seems to be a mess.

seems to be is an interesting choice of words here. Maybe it's not as much of a mess as you think. Or maybe you just need more order than you have. In that case, make piles. Make piles. Don't worry about putting everything away in the way that you do outside of the big project. But for example, like for dishes, use a dirty dishes zone where all the dirty dishes

are stacked on the counter or in the sink. But it's okay that they're not in the dishwasher or they're clean right away, but they're like contained, right? They're in a pile in one spot. For laundry, put the laundry in the basket and the basket in the room that is not your safe space, you know, like it's just resting in a room for when you're able to put it away. For things like general cleanups, if you do not have the energy or time, just make piles. Put stuff in a basket for now. Make a stack. Create order in an essential way until you have time to create. order in a regular way. Now that's not the answer, it's unanswer. But it's an answer.

Here's another chore related comment from dawn morning 1212. How to lazy genius mowing the lawn. House cleaning is easier because it can be cyclical and you don't have to notice when it needs done, but just do it on its day like I dust on Tuesdays. House projects are easier because they have an ending. I have time in the materials this weekend to paint and install a new closet door. But mowing is cyclical, and yet you can't just always do it on a certain day because of the weather. How can I make it easier to notice when it needs to be done and fit it into the routine or rhythm? This is a great question. Sometimes we force order into a place we don't need it.

I'm not saying that's the case here. But in the same category is like the exercising and the early sleep. Some of us have this thing inside us that says that chores should be attached to days or rhythms. otherwise we're not adulting correctly. And I just want to say that is decidedly untrue. Dawn, your question uses the phrase, how can I make it easier to notice when it needs to be done? Maybe you skip the next part of your phrase that says and fit it into a routine or rhythm.

Maybe it doesn't need a rhythm. Maybe the routine is just that you notice, oh, look, the grass is getting long. And then you look at the weather and you're schedule. over the next few days and you put the task on your calendar the next time that you have space to mow and it's not supposed to rain. It's almost like scheduling a haircut. Some of you have like either hair or personalities where you just automatically schedule a haircut every six weeks or every six months or whatever. For me, I'm not that way. I notice that my hair is getting a little long or it's gnarly on the ends. And when I notice it, I'm like, huh, I guess it's time for a haircut. So I go online and I find

the next available appointment for a cut. Now sometimes I have to wait longer than is ideal, just like you might with your grass, but it's probably all fine. So unless you're going to get fined by your HOA for having grass over a certain length or something, your neighbors are not going to die if your grass is on the long side while you wait for the weather and your schedule to align. So maybe release the pressure to make a rhythm and instead notice it like you would needing a haircut. Again, that is not the answer, but is an answer. It's never too early to plan your summer story in Europe with WestJet, from rolling countryside to cobblestone streets.

Begin your next chapter. Book your seat at westjet.com or call your travel agent. WestJet, where your story takes off. Aw, isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life.

You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. All right. Here is more yard work stuff. Anna Hammond says, I have eight, this is an all caps eight, which I love. I have eight window boxes. I love them, but I cannot keep them alive through July. because I cannot remember to water them. We get enough rain that I don't need to water my garden or lawn,

but the window boxes are under the eaves. My houseplants don't have this problem. I have tried water spikes and reminders and tying my indoor watering to my outdoor, but this seasonal routine is totally missing regular cues and habits. And come July, my poor petunias are crispy. What matters, I pick up the hose and water them before they're dead. Probably one to three times a week,

depending on how hot it is, question work. Can you hear the frustration in Anna's words? I think small problems like this are like the most annoying because they seem like they should be easy to solve, but they're not always. And when that happens, I think it's helpful to consider a tiny mental shift and then make a small choice to help get the thing done. I'm going to assume, Anna, with this, that you're leaving your hose out. because if you're winding and unwinding your hose every single time you want to water your window

boxes, that's a whole thing. So what matters more aesthetically? Pretty petunias or a pretty wound up hose. I'm guessing it's the petunias. So leave the hose out underneath the window boxes, right? So you can just literally pick it up. Next, I wonder if you might try a different mental order. You're starting with trying to figure out what days each week to check and water the boxes, okay? But that lack of seasonal or daily consistency, it just doesn't make that work. You also said that you tried tying it to watering your indoor plants, but watering your indoor plants is a whole chore on its own. I think that by tying those two tasks together, it's adding, it's like adding one thing, one medium thing to another medium thing. It's not adding like a small thing to a small thing. Those are two medium chores.

And then that creates one big thing, which is overwhelming. That's that's chore math for you. I am assuming if you have eight window boxes, then you have a house. And if you have a house, you probably have a traditional mailbox. So what if you decided to tie quick yard care with getting the mail? You walk outside to get the mail. But before you go to the mailbox, water one or two window boxes. Cool. Then drop the hose underneath the next box and do the next couple of window boxes tomorrow when you go get the mail. Now if they're extra crispy, you water more than two or you water all of them. You just drop the hose wherever you left off and then you go get the mail. But every day, you can notice what needs doing in your yard and whatever that can be

like when it's so small like watering a box. You know you can do that. small step again tomorrow when you go get the mail. You can water one window box. Now, since the mail comes all year, you can actually have this habit all year. Do a quick scan when you walk in or out. Pull a weed. Throw away that busted ball left outside by your kid. Or you can just go inside. Knowing that you're going to look again tomorrow, it gives you the freedom to not do anything today. But maybe try tying the mail with watering one box, one of the all caps, eight window boxes. Okay. Next up is the H is silent. How to lazy genius activities for a vacation. I'm heading to Greece with my husband in September and I have so many ideas that I don't know where to start. We're staying in

Athens for a few days and then heading to mecanos for a few days. But beside that, no plans have been made yet. In the comments, there was also a question about Disney that was similar. When you're planning a trip, especially one that's like more of a once in a lifetime type trip, the pressure is kind of high. So here's how to lazy genius this, in my opinion. And in many ways, this advice is kind of like life. You can't do it all. You can't do it all. No matter how hard you plan a vacation or life, you can't do it all. Some things have to give. So accepting that, is weirdly helpful. You can't see everything, right? The second thing to remember is that your experiences today matter. Again, just like life and vacation. So notice if you're focusing on what you're

missing rather than where you are. Okay. Whatever you end up doing in Athens or me mecanos, even if it's like spending just an entire day wandering around, that's not a way. be where you are. And then the third thing is to name what matters most. When Kaz and I went on a cruise to Europe last spring, just the two of us, and then also when the family went to Disney World a couple months before that, it was a big travel season. It was the same vibe for us. We wanted to make the most of it. We wanted to do everything we possibly could. But that energy did not last long for me and mine. It's just not feasible. So instead, for both trips, we named something for each person that mattered a lot. For cause, when we were in Europe, it was touring the F1 track in Monaco.

He still talks about that. It was so fun. For me, it was walking around and eating pastries and ice cream and sandwiches like as much as humanly possible. That's what I wanted to do. When our family went to Disney, Ben wanted to meet Mickey, Annie wanted to meet princesses, and Sam wanted to eat ice cream. So you plant flags where it matters most, and then you let the rest be fluid. and that leads me to my fourth thing. This is a traveling philosophy that I have and it does not work for everyone. But wherever I go, when it's somewhere new, even to a once in a lifetime place, I want to do things that I also enjoy in my regular life that make me feel like myself. My list includes bookstores, coffee shops, dessert shops, churches. Holy moly, do I love going to an old church?

Walking and music. Any way that I can incorporate those regular things that I love, love in my life into a trip. I do that because I am enjoying something I love in a new place. Okay, let's pivot to a few family related questions. First is Johnson DMP. How many activities for kids are the right number? Some run year long, some only six to eight weeks. Some are totally new opportunities and others we know we like, but we can't do everything. How to decide or help them to aside. This is such a real question, and it gets more complex with every kid you have. I saw an interview that Brunay Brown did with Tim Ferriss a while back, where she talked about family-focused families. Some families are kid-focused, where everything in the family is oriented around the

kids. Some families are parent-focused, where everything in the family is oriented around the adults. And then some families, like Brunay's, and like mine, are family-focused. What that means is anything regular that consumes either time or energy from one person in the family will almost certainly consume time and energy from everyone. If the oldest brother has football practice and a sister has piano practice and both happen around the same time and the mother is driving them both, that probably means the youngest kid has to bring homework and entertainment and energy along for the ride. It affects everyone. And because it affects everyone, it's, kind of a group decision in many ways.

Renee says, is this a good decision for you? And is this a good decision for our family? Both need consideration. That's more of a philosophical answer. A specific answer is simply just based on how we do it in our family. So again, this is an answer, not the answer. Our loose rule is one extracurricular per kid. That's a worthwhile priority that every kid has the opportunity to do something outside of

school hours that they enjoy. So you're kind of guaranteed one thing, as long as that particular thing fits into the family rhythm, at least a little bit. Anything outside of that has to be considered big time. For example, in middle school, my oldest son Sam, he did jazz band before school and chess club before school. Now, that's technically two things. But the rhythm for them was the same. plus we had a carpal going. So I only drove maybe one morning a week. Now one might say, okay, he has his one thing and he even has two things. So when he wanted to join the cross-country team, my all or nothing brain went, no, sir, you already have two things. And that's like kind of already breaking the rule anyway. But the purpose of that rule is to support the energy and time of the

family. So we're not oriented around one member all the time, right? And guess what? Sam's before school activities, they had no bearing on anyone else but me. And even that was barely an issue because of the carpool and stuff. So adding cross country, especially since we had another family to corpull with and knowing that it was just about eight weeks, it made it easy to say yes to. We also did not require the other kids to go to meets since number one, they didn't want to. And number two, for our family's purposes, they didn't really need to. But for the next school year, Sam is going to be in marching band.

which practices after school three days a week. My time is also going to be harder to manage because I have three kids at three different schools with three different start and end times for the first time in my parenting life. I also have a book coming out, you guys. And carpool is rough because most of Sam's friends who live nearby,

they're doing a zero period, they're getting to school earlier than he is. So I kind of have to take him to school. It's a bit chaotic to think about. He is asking, so he's doing this marching band, he's also asking to audition for a local band that practices on Sundays, a day that is not actually super restful for us because of regular responsibilities we have at church. So that does not seem like something that is doable for our family. That makes a lot of our family's energy oriented around

Sam for the long haul. And we probably won't be able to do that. It takes opportunities away from Ben and Annie to do things too. And it takes time away from Kazimi to rest after working all week. that is a very detailed personal example. You know, lots of layers. But I share all that to say, I think it's hopeful to have a house rule that in general supports your family. Maybe consider this mental shift of family-focused parenting like Bray Brown does, but see your rules as guides rather than laws.

You can discern whether this thing or that thing can fit into your family's time or energy for this season, even if it doesn't align exactly with the house rule. Now this next question, it could actually use a similar answer. S.E. C. C. C. C.W.W. W.S. C. Crapwise. A.k.W. A.K.M. A.K.M. Involvement at school as my son starts kindergarten. What do I get involved in and not? What is too much? What is not enough? I want teachers and staff to be supported, but I also have a younger kid and don't want to overcommit and burn out too early. This is one of those situations where we think the wise thing is to make one big decision early on and then hope that it carries us through. It's very similar to

the kid's involvement in things. Instead of seeing your involvement or your decision right now as something that is etched in stone, I want you to consider what works for you in this. this season, even the first semester of the school year, what do you have time for? What do you want to do? Are you matching your expectations to the energy that you are willing and able to give? Are there any shoulds floating around in your head in there? Do you think that in order to be a good mom, you need to be regularly involved in your kids' school? Again, I'm going to give a personal example here. When my kids were in preschool, my decide once was I would always sign up for plates and napkins when it was time to, you know, do a party or something. If those were not available,

something I didn't have to make. I would sign up for something I didn't have to make. Y'all, I am a baker. I love to bake. But my energy does not always match my expectations of how much homemade baking I'm going to do for schools. So I just let that go. Plates, napkins, drinks, anything I can buy in a bag. Now, as my kids got older and the classroom involvement options became more varied, I chose to support my kids' teachers by buying whatever supplies they needed when they needed them. Emails and messages go home regularly saying, you know, we're out of paper towels or classroom dry race markers or we're doing a big holiday craft and we need every kid to contribute $5 or whatever. Anytime something like that comes up, I buy the thing or I give the money.

I will often give enough money for most of the class to do the thing because my kids at least at least in their elementary school go to a Title I school where many students' families, they just don't have extra money for crafts and field trips and stuff. That's a general way that I can involved. Now, this past school year, my daughter Annie, who was in second grade, asked me if I could read James and the Giant Peach to her class. We had read it together, she and I, and she thought her class would love it. Now, that is a time commitment, y'all, and I don't have a lot of that that's extra. Plus, my rule is to give money, and that's it, right? Just like the kid involvement, make a house rule or decide once, but use it as a guide, not the law. I think that. I'm

love reading out loud to kids, like a lot. And I love books, as you all know. So making a book come to life for kids, it actually sounds really fun to me. Shabbaroning a field trip is less my jam. But this, this actually sounded fun. This gave me energy. But I didn't know if I could commit. So I looked at my schedule. Was there a day where I could go to Annie's class for like 20 minutes at the end of the day and read to her class? Mondays worked great because it's already kind of a weird work day for me, with lots of meetings. And I tend to have an earlier lunch. Like I don't really get a lot of actual work done, creative work done, because a lot of it's meetings and then I go to lunch. So basically, if I did this on Mondays, I could still have a complete workday, a complete lunch break.

And I could get to school 20 or 30 minutes earlier than usual to read to Annie's class before bringing Annie home. So I emailed her teacher. I asked if I could come Monday afternoons to read. And she said yes. I did it most of the first. I did it most of the time. because I love Annie and I wanted to do something that matter to her. But it took maybe three weeks max before it was one of the things I looked forward to the most every single week. In fact, we finished James and the Giant Peach in about three months because children interrupt a lot. It took several weeks to finish it. And when we were done, the kids asked me if I could find another book to read. I did. And I tear up a little thinking about how much I loved it. Like I read to them for the rest of the

year. I read to them for six months. Like I, it was truly so life-giving. It was so fun. It was so connected with Annie and her friends. It was supportive of her teacher. It was all the things. And if I had stuck with my rule of only giving money, I wouldn't have done it. Now, that's not a guilt thing for you to like do more than you think you should. Do you hear how considerate I was about this new thing? I was so deeply considerate about all the details, like really, really thought about them. And it was something that gave me life. I knew it wouldn't drain me because I love reading to kids. At the very least, it was energetically neutral and mostly time neutral because I was able to line it up with an existing rhythm. So all that to say, don't try and solve your school

involvement questions all at once. You will change. Your kid will change. You might have another kid. You might get another job. So many things can change. So just pay attention to your C-Dolm. what works for you and your energy now, check for those shoulds, and then be kind as you choose what to do. Next up is Katie Holtz 428. Katie says, lazy genius after dinner clean up with three small kids at home as a full-time working mom and dad. I have tried single vessel cooking, using paper plates in certain seasons, and having kids carry plates to the sink, but it just feels like the dishwasher sink and garbage can are always full. I'd love to spend 30 minutes after dinner cleaning up and getting it all put away, but the kids being so young need constant attention

from their adults. Help me. What's important? Empty sink, clear table encounters, and leftovers put away. Okay, I have a few ideas here. First, I want to highlight the sentence. It just feels like the dishwasher sink and garbage can are always full. It might feel that way because it is that way. A home of five people is going to create a lot of dishes and trash. I think relaxing the expectation of emptiness might be hopeful. It's kind of like assuming that contentment in life means we're never sad or struggling or that an organized schedule means we never have to pivot or that we don't ever go through busy seasons. Sometimes our trash cans literally and figuratively are always full. And that's normal. And it's okay. Okay. Next, let's use the principle, put everything in its place.

I love zones for problems like this. We think that a clean kitchen means that everything is wiped down and put away, that there are different levels of clean. Sometimes having all the dirty dishes in one zone, just one spot on the counter, kind of like that big project question, it is a great midway expectation. You know, the dishes are not all over the table and all over the kitchen,

but they don't have to be completely put away, and clean either. So maybe try a dirty dishes zone. That's where the dishes stay until you have time to clean them up. Same for food and leftovers. We have a fridge zone where we stack things that need going in the fridge so we're not always playing fridge Tetris. Also, after dinner, we might only have time to spoon the leftover soup into a container, but not much else, right? At least the dirty pot and spoon can go in the dirty dishes zone and the leftover container can go in the fridge zone. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Having a place for the parts of the task, it really, really helps. Okay. So that's the second idea of zones. The third idea here is to give your kids a task that involves whatever you're

doing after dinner. Something like, everybody bring your dishes to the dirty dishes zone. Good job. Now, everybody go pick out the pajamas you want to wear tonight and put them on your bed. And then rice back to the couch and we'll read a book. That gives you even three minutes. to group things in appropriate piles or slam a few plates into the dishwasher, you're basically moving your kids into the next thing that matters to you while still staying where you are for a quick second. Okay. So that's the third idea. The fourth idea is to divide and conquer. One parent takes the kids while the other handles the kitchen. And you can switch off based on energy or whatever, but let one adult take the 15 minutes you need to reset the kitchen

before heading to help with bedtime or whatever comes next. I do think that zone, here are a sneaky big win though. Okay, last question. And it's kind of a pair of questions. First, Susan Jorgensen writes, my almost two-year-old hates having company. Our family values hospitality, and I feel so awkward neglecting our guests because she wants to go play in the other room or literally keeps asking them to leave. How can I help her and enjoy having company? And then there's also this from homeschool and mob. I'm seeking advice on how to instill our values and my teenage boys without coming across as overly strict or legalistic. I want them to genuinely appreciate and embrace what we hold dear. I'm sure I should make it smaller, but I don't know how.

Okay. I don't hear this talked about very much, but it really is so hard when you hold a value that your kids don't seem to. We run into that often with our kids. And I know for me, it can feel like a referendum on my parenting to have a kid who isn't hospitable or humble or generous or content. all things cause and I value deeply, like on a soul level. So I think modeling is where it begins. You don't force the value on the kid, but you model what matters to you. And you make it clear that as a family, this is what matters. If it doesn't matter to you specifically right now, that's okay.

But that feeling isn't going to change the priority of the family overall, right? So for the two-year-old who is brutally honest about social requirements, you can tell that kid that we care about making people feel special in our house. And after saying hello, if that kid would rather go play alone, that's okay. But you're not going to be with that kid because the family is making another person or another family feel special today or whatever language you want to use. I think for teenagers, the pressure feels a little harder. They're so close to being adults and you want them so badly to value the things that you find valuable. But that doesn't always happen. So again, I think it comes down to modeling and also communicating clearly that you

don't have to believe in or care about this thing in your core the same way that I do. But since you're part of this family, this is the behavior that I'm asking for, right? That's not saying that you say that once and you never say it again. This is constant. This is constant. At least it is in our house. I have a kid who has a lot of confidence, sometimes to a very hubristic degree. And rather than attacking that kid and saying, why are you so cocky? Stop it. Which honestly, I sometimes do. My goal, my goal is to say, I am so glad you're confident in yourself. And also in our family, we care about being humble and not drawing attention to ourselves more than we pay attention to others. And right now, you're not acting in a way that matches that kind of humility.

So you can think you're best at this thing, but you don't have to keep saying it. I'm asking you to not keep saying it. You know, that exchange is pretty regular. We had another one just last night where the brothers, one brother kind of stepped up on another brother, you know, was like almost trying to get him to get into a fight. And I sat the kid who was stepping up down. I sat him down. I was like, hey, I know that I said, we don't do that. We don't step up on people. And he goes, I don't care. I said, well, it actually doesn't matter to me that you don't care. You can actually think I'm wrong here. But in this family, that's not what we do. And he immediately goes, I'm sorry. Like,

there's something about validating, okay, you don't have to believe this, but as a family we do, because I think sometimes, honestly, I think sometimes it's posturing. I really do. Now, is this right? I don't know. Is this the right way? Like, I don't, I don't know. Parenting feels like making stuff up as you go. And when it comes to values, you don't want to make them up, right? They matter to you. So you want them to matter to your kids. It's a long game. and maybe not one that you're going to win in the way that you think or on the timing that you hope for. But still, prioritize, prioritize whatever values you have for your family, model them, have some expectations of behavior, but maybe communicate that belief isn't expected.

Boundaries can be honored by everybody. But if you're in the family, your behavior has to match this. You don't have to believe it, but your behavior has to match it. Again, I don't know if that's right. I this is why I will never write a book on parenting just for the record. Okay, that's it. Thank you for all these questions. We'll do another office hours episode in a few months. I hope you enjoyed this one. I hope there were things in here that were helpful for you. All right, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week it's Lisa Faye. Lisa writes, I have a family of six and I have found it easiest to sort laundry by buying a distinct brand of sock and underwear for each person. Now that my kids are about the same size as me and my husband. This really helps when sorting laundry.

Y'all, this is something we have dealt with with our boys since they're about the same size as each other. Like, I don't know whose underwear and socks or whose. Lease's idea is to make sure the style and brand for everyone are distinct. I love that. We do it a little differently. Now, by next year, the hope is that the boys are actually doing their own laundry. So, you know, who cares at that point? But for now, when their clothes might be washed together, we have a big basket like of all the clean underwear and socks because those all get washed together. And the kids themselves, they come and they just get whatever is theirs. Somehow they know, even though Cause and I don't know, right? Now the problem with that is having the basket sit around for longer than it might sit

around if we were just putting stuff away ourselves, which is why Lisa's idea is great. Like she can sort and then dump the pile in the person's room for them to fold them put away, right? Laundry has endless approaches. Endless. So thank you for this one, Lisa. And congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kinsey. The Lazy Genius Podcast is enthusiastically part of the Office Ladies Network. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production. Thank you for listening you guys. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life?

It's so dangerous to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.