The Lazy Genius Podcast - #380 - Finding What You Need When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed

Episode Date: August 26, 2024

When you feel overwhelmed without knowing what to do, the overwhelming feeling stays big and might get bigger which then feels like a problem. So here you are, overwhelmed, unsure of what to do about it; the feeling gets bigger, the problem, even though it’s unnamed, also gets bigger, and so you start throwing big solutions at an unnamed problem that don’t work, which then causes you to feel even more overwhelmed.  Instead, today I want to share with you seven ways to meet overwhelm. Helpful Companion Links Pre-order my new book The PLAN or ask your library to consider carrying a copy once it releases in October.  Episode 258: The Seven Kinds of Rest and How to Know Which One You Need Episode 310: How to Pivot Around Any Obstacle Episode 259: 5 Steps to Lazy Genius Anything Episode 80: The Lazy Genius Daily Act of Kindness Episode 306: What We Need to Have More Fun Get details about preorder gifts for The PLAN! Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 380, finding what you need when you're feeling overwhelmed. Since overwhelm can come in different forms and for very different reasons, it's so hard to know what to do next when we're feeling that way. This episode actually reminds me a lot of episode 258, the seven kinds of rest and how know which one you need because we say like, oh, I'm so tired. And we think the answer is rest. But like what kind? You know, there are several kinds because we're tired for different reasons

and need different things. The same is true for feeling overwhelmed. To put us in context on the different things that we might need for different kinds of overwhelm, let me set the stage. Guess what today is? It's the first day of school for my children. And because podcasts are podcasts, I obviously am not recording this on that actual day. So I don't fully know how I'm feeling today, but I can guess it has been a wild last few weeks. I do know that. You know, we're doing open houses and getting school supplies and going to the doctor. Cause has gone back to work. You know, he's home for several weeks during the summer because he's a school counselor and he has gone back to work. So I am solo again. I'm trying to plan a book launch and also like carpools,

you know while I have gotten a couple of like small stretches of alone time in my own house, which is my favorite thing, y'all, I am so overstimulated, like so over-stimulated. It reminds me of a meme I saw recently about motherhood specifically how mothering in the morning is like the fairy godmother in Cinderella, like sweetly saying to Cinderella, oh come now, dry those tears. And then mothering in the evening is, the sea witch saying to the Little Mermaid, no more talking, singing, zip. Remember that? I'm like absolutely the sea witch in my heart. I would also like to add no more touching to the list as well. So this is a time of year that is naturally overwhelming in various ways. But you could 100% be overwhelmed

by non-kid, non-start of school things too. You know, not everyone has kids or school. We feel underwater because of logistics and emotions, behaviors we can't control in ourselves or in other people, grief, resentment, exhaustion, simply not knowing what to do next. It can be a pervasive sense of overwhelm or one that just like pops up randomly on what you thought was like a pretty good day, you know? So when you feel overwhelmed without knowing what to do, that overwhelming feeling, it stays big and it might get even bigger, which then feels like a problem, right? And what do we know about big problems? They need big solutions. And what do we know about big solutions? They don't work. They don't work. So here you are, overwhelmed, unsure of what to do about it. The feeling gets bigger.

And then the problem, even though it's unnamed, also gets bigger. So you start throwing big solutions at an unnamed problem, which doesn't work. And then that causes you to, feel more overwhelmed. It's like the worst cycle ever. So instead, today I want to share with you seven ways to meet your overwhelm and listen to me right now. I did not plan this. They all start with P. It is not my fault. It's just how it lined up. I will also not complain about it. So these are seven things that happen to start with the letter P. And if you are overwhelmed, I guarantee you that one of these things is your answer. Okay? So we're going to go through these seven things as you find what you need when you're feeling

overwhelmed. The first thing you might need when you're feeling overwhelmed is to pivot. Everybody has unexpected things that come up that require attention that need some kind of immediate response. So if you are situationally overwhelmed, right? If the stress is rooted exactly where you are and what's happening around you, chances are the thing that you need the most right then is to pivot. You need to let go of whatever expectations that you had and change direction. Now hear me, this is not always easy.

Pivoting isn't easy or even intuitive sometimes. Pivoting is not just solving a problem where you are. I think pivoting also involves staying grounded, staying connected to yourself, staying as kind to your people as you can and solving the problem right where you are. And that's actually like kind of hard to do if you don't know how to do it. Fortunately for you, I have an episode all about pivoting. It's episode 310, how to pivot around any obstacle. We will have a link in the show notes. It is a low key fan favorite episode. But the way to pivot around any obstacle is to, number one, breathe. I mean, it's annoying advice, but here you go. Number two, actively seek softness. Three, name what matters.

Four, make the problem smaller. Five, put what you need in its place. Six, stay connected to yourself. And then seven, ask the magic question. Again, all those are broken down in much detail in episode 310. But if you just breathe and actively seek softness and then name what matters, wow. You're going to be able to pivot around pretty much anything regular and daily that sneaks up on you.

So that's the first P that you might need when you're feeling overwhelmed. if you're situationally overwhelmed, focus on pivoting. Just focus on pivoting. The second pee you might need when you're feeling overwhelmed is to problem solve, right? This is when you're overwhelmed by something that is repeatedly frustrating. Maybe it's dishes that never get clean, laundry that never gets done, projects that never get finished. Now I'm going to address something real quick here.

Did you hear anything mildly concerning in that last series in that sentence? I did it on purpose. It is the word never. Dishes that never get clean, laundry that never gets done, projects that never get finished. Never is not a terribly kind word, okay? It's also rarely true. When you classify your frustrations with words like always and never, you automatically make them too big.

And as we've already said, it's pretty hard to solve big problems, right? However, anything at all that consistently has you frustration. it just might need a good problem solve. You might not need to calm down too much. You might not need to take a nap and regroup. You legit just need to solve a problem that's been bugging you for a while. Once again, problems are the easiest to solve the smaller they are. So whatever you do, try and make that problem as small as you can. One small solution might not solve your entire problem, but it gives you a place to start. And you'll be more likely to find something that works long term for the the whole problem. I have a favorite way to solve problems. It's called the lazy genius method.

If you have something that tends to cause trouble over and over again, it might get a good solve by applying a single lazy genius principle, but chances are you need something a bit more comprehensive. The lazy genius method is a process you follow to make that happen. If you have never heard me talk about the lazy genius method, you are new here. Welcome. I'm so glad you're here. or if you just need a good primer, you know, a reminder of what it is and how it works, listen to episode 259, five steps to lazy genius anything. First, you prioritize or name what matters. Second, you essentialize or get rid of what's in the way.

Third, you organize or put everything in its place. Fourth, you personalize or feel like yourself. And then fifth, you systemize or keep things in a flow. By following this order, you won't miss anything. that could make you solve problems that aren't really the problem, you know, and it also will keep you from using up energy or brain space on things that you will have to undo later. This really is your best bet if you need to problem solve. So if you're feeling overwhelmed by a repetitive problem that needs some attention, solve it.

That's our second P, problem solve. It's never too early to plan your summer story in Europe with WestJet, from rolling countryside to cobblestone streets. next chapter. Book your seat at westjet.com or call your travel agent. WestJet, where your story takes off. Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa, whether it's Verde, Roja, or the orange one. For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habaniero, more like Habinier, yes.

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Via Rail, love the way. Aw, isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life. Whether in a city street or a moment with a work. of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. The third P that might help you when you're feeling overwhelmed is to pause. Pause. If you resonate when I say that I have a

caffeinated squirrel brain, this one is definitely for you. It is just so easy to plow ahead, you know, to like react and respond, to stay in the overwhelm and let it spiral when what we really need is to just pause. I find myself pausing when I'm feeling emotionally or relationally overwhelmed. For example, if I get into a shouting match with my almost high schooler over undone assignments that I thought were done. I can get rolling really quickly. It's one of the things I have to be the kindness, the kindest to myself about and ask my kids forgiveness the most about. I can get really angry. I can move quickly. I can escalate and start escalations and others unless I pause. Sometimes the only answer to feeling overwhelmed is to pause, to stop, breathe,

give your intellect and wisdom a chance to catch up to your adrenaline. Not every moment of overwhelmed need to pause, but I think if you are emotionally heightened, whether it's external and obvious or internal and withdrawn, a pause seems like an important thing to prioritize. A lot can be saved with a good pause. I think one way to keep pauses on your mind is by getting in the practice of noticing and responding to yourself on a daily basis. When you are in a rhythm of awareness and kindness, you have a quicker and more natural access to your ability to pause. If that's you,

maybe a good episode for you to check out is episode 80, the lazy genius daily act of kindness. It is an oldie but a goody. Sometimes we need the reminder that doing something for ourselves every day is kind, dare I say, necessary. And it also creates muscle memory for us to notice what we need. And sometimes what we need is to pause. The fourth P that you might need when you feel overwhelmed is to pray. Now, this is not for everybody, obviously, because not everybody prays. And frankly, I'm not going to say much more than just the word. That this is your reminder that if you are a person of faith and that faith matters to you, when you feel overwhelmed, maybe you would feel better if you pray. Some things need a pivot, some things need a problem solved, some things need a pause, and maybe

depending on who you are and what you believe, you might need to pray. You'll feel more connected to what matters to you if you do. The fifth P that you might need when you feel overwhelmed is to play. Y'all, maybe you need to play. Maybe the overwhelm is because you haven't experienced anything fun or joyful or playful and too long. So if life just feels too heavy and serious, and that is why you feel overwhelmed, try playing. Move your body, give those laugh lines a workout, do something childlike, play an actual game

with somebody. Play. If you need a little episode boost here, try episode 306, what we need to have more fun. The sixth P you might need when you're feeling overwhelmed is a plan. Y'all, sometimes you actually do need a plan. Even though I talk a lot about, you know, how learning to pivot is better than learning to plan. That doesn't mean that planning is bad. Planning is amazing.

Planning just needs a makeover, you know? It needs more compassion. It needs more common sense. And it needs more women, frankly. In case you weren't aware, I wrote a time management book with all of those things. And it's called The Plan. So if you need a plan, that book has some great help for you. But if you need a plan right now before the book is out on our plan.

October 8th because we still have to wait for it. Just remember the plans are intentions. They are not pass-fail. The more you believe that and live like it's true, the better your plans are going to be. And the kinder you're going to be toward yourself when your plans don't work out the exact way that you hoped. So if you're feeling overwhelmed by something in the future, something unknown, something that has lots of disconnected moving parts, maybe what you need is a plan. And then the final P that you might need when you feel overwhelmed is a pep talk. A pep talk is simply a reminder of what matters spoken to you by someone who believes in you. And that person can totally be you. I pep talk myself all the time. You know, be your own Leslie Knope. Pep talk yourself

when you're feeling overwhelmed by insecurity, by imposter syndrome, shame, guilt. Give yourself a pep talk. Again, I do it all the time. I do. do it so much that I'm actually giving pep talks every single week for the rest of 24 to y'all, for real. Now, you might think that I already sort of do give a pep talk every week with this podcast, but not quite. We mostly problem solve here. Of all those seven peas, that's mostly what we do is we problem solve. Now, we do learn to do all the other peas, you know, every Monday. But the main purpose of this podcast is to solve problems through a very particular lazy genius lens. Not really to give pep talks. Also, pep talks are way shorter than these 20 to 30 minute

episodes. Today's is actually a little shorter. But pep talks are usually a lot, like two to three minutes, you know. So how do you get these weekly pep talks? They are technically called our pre-order pep talks, since they are the thank you gift for pre-ordering the plan before it comes out on October 8th. Thousands of you have already done that and I am blown away. Thank you so much. Y'all are just as excited for this book as I am. But it is a big deal to buy a book before you can see it, before you can flip through it, before you can hear if a friend liked it already. You know, it's a blind buy. And that's a huge deal. So to say thank you for ordering before you see it and for putting your trust in me, I am offering both written and audio versions of pep talks delivered to you every

Monday for the rest of the actual year. Are you tired of your people? Pep talk. Are you suddenly stressed out because it's almost December? Pep talk. Are you feeling? all kinds of feelings because it's election week pep talk are you struggling to be kind to yourself pep talk all you have to do is go to the lazy genius collective dot com slash the plan which is literally where everything regarding the plan lives you enter your order information which means any format of the book purchase from any place that includes books that you bought to attend a book tour event by the way and then after you submit that information you're going to get access to the weekly Pup Talks delivered every Monday. You can even get them automatically to your favorite podcast app.

If you would prefer to listen rather than read, I'm so pumped about them. Again, you can do all that at the lazy genius collective.com slash the plan. Okay, let's recap our seven p's. When you are feeling overwhelmed, you might need and almost certainly need different things depending on the type of overwhelm that you are experiencing. Okay. So is there situational overwhelm? you pivot. Do you have a repeatedly frustrating situation? Problem solve. Are you overwhelmed emotionally? Pause. Are you a person of faith? Pray. Does life feel extra heavy? Play. Are you overwhelmed by what's coming? Plan. Do you just need a reminder of what matters? Peptalk yourself or get one from me. There's actually a section of pep talks in the book, by the way. And that is how to find what you need

when you're feeling overwhelmed. Okay, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week, it is Karen Simmons. Karen writes this. I keep a great big dry erase marker in the center console of my car, above every mirror in my house, and strapped to the side of my fridge. Every shiny hard surface becomes a place where you can jot down a note. You can make your grocery list right on the front of the fridge and then just take a picture when you're ready to go shopping. If you're low on gas when you get to work, just note on the windshield gas before you get out and you won't find yourself in heavy traffic and unknown territory with your car pinging at you that you're on E. Every mirror becomes a place where you can just say, I love you to the people in your

home. It has been such a stress relieving life hack. Holy moly, this is fantastic. I love a person so dedicated to dry rice markers. It's like Oprah shouting and you get a car and you get a car and you get a and you get a cart, but instead it's Karen Simmons shouting, and you get an I love you, and you get an I love you, and you get a dry erase marker, and you get a dry raise marker. This is seriously so fantastic. I just love it. Karen, this is a joyful, wise, and savvy way to use markers, frankly. Like, I almost want to be low on gas so I can write gas on my windshield just for how it feels.

Like, this is so great. So thank you for sharing this idea and congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. If you would like to be considered for The Lazy Genius of the Week, email us your idea at Hello at the Lazy Genius Collective.com. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, an executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kinsey. The Lazy Genius podcast is enthusiastically part of the Office Ladies Network. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production.

Thanks y'all for listening, and until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Kendra, and I'll see you next week. You ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life, because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it.

You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.